


him

by ksootaeho



Series: fire on fire (zurin) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), Daddy Issues, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Other: See Story Notes, Past Rape/Non-con, Pining, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, homophobic father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 61
Words: 234,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksootaeho/pseuds/ksootaeho
Summary: you say i shouldn't be here, but I can't give up his touch.it is him i love.it is him.
Relationships: Sokka (Avatar)/Original Character(s), Sokka (Avatar)/Original Male Character(s), Zuko (Avatar)/Original Character(s), Zuko (Avatar)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: fire on fire (zurin) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998289
Comments: 773
Kudos: 367





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> title and summary from "him" by sam smith.
> 
> head to my twitter (@breathofthewxld) for updates/memes
> 
> huge thank you to my beta reader, dripdrops 
> 
> fic playlist can be shuffled and is in no particular order. [click to listen.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

How do you tell someone you love that the decisions they’re making are **wrong**?

How do you let them know that they’re hurting people, but most importantly, hurting **themselves**?

  
  
  


“Azarin! Over here!” The voice catches his attention, bringing his foot to come into contact with the ball beneath him, sending it flying in the direction of his friend.

Zuko is sadly intercepted by his sister, who is more agile than her older sibling. The fire prince curses under his breath, the hint of a flame pulsing from his fingers. Azula makes the shot and her team (which consisted of only Ty Lee) had won the small courtyard game.

Zuko and Azula’s mother claps from her seat next to young Mai. “Great game, everyone! You’re getting better at being a team player, Zuko.”

“It’s not fair, Azula always cheats!” Zuko shouts. Azarin can feel the heat emanating off of him. His friend was scary sometimes, but not as scary as the Fire Lord, or the Fire Lord's son.

Azarin pats Zuko on the back, wrapping an arm around the prince’s shoulders. “I don’t think she cheated this time, buddy, I think we just made a bad call. We can practice some more and beat her next time.”

“Yeah, ZuZu, listen to ZaZa!” Azula’s snake-like voice _really_ bothered Azarin, especially when she called him that, but he knows if he reacts then Zuko will react a million times worse and probably burn down the whole palace.

Even without a reaction from Azarin, Zuko is still nearly in flames. “I _told_ you he doesn’t like being called that, Azula! And I don’t like it either!”

“Let’s calm down, Zuko, I’m sure Azula means no harm with her nicknames,” Zuko’s mother smiles as she begins ushering the girls away. “Let’s get ready for dinner and let the boys play.” Before she disappears into the palace doors, she turns her head and sends them both a wink.

Zuko drops to the grass, clutching his head in frustration. “Why can’t I ever beat Azula in _anything_ ?! It’s so stupid! _She’s_ so stupid.”

Azarin lets out a sigh and drops to sit next to Zuko. He picks at the grass beneath them. “I think you can beat her at _something_. You just have to find what it is, and not worry so much about being better than her at it. Just be you, Zuko. I promise that’s enough.” Azarin tries to smile at Zuko, but the younger boy isn’t even looking at him.

“You sound like my uncle,” Zuko says, sounding bitter. “And he’s a quitter. Are _you_ a quitter, Rin?”

Sighing once more, Azarin lights a flame between his fingers and blows it toward Zuko, who puts it out with his own flame. “Your uncle isn’t a quitter, he just knows what matters to him most.”

“And what’s that?”

“Family.”


	2. burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the story of more than one of azarin's scars.
> 
> chapter theme: let it go - James bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: child abuse, homophobia  
> twitter: @breathofthewxld  
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin _hated_ spending time with his father. They were completely different people; Azarin knew this even as a child, and now even more as a thirteen year old.

Ever since his father was promoted higher up into the Fire Nation Navy, Azarin saw him less and less. He was grateful for this if he were being honest. This left him in the capable hands of Zuko’s family, namely Zuko’s mother, but even Ozai and his wife forced Azarin to spend time with Zhao when he made his short visits. Ursa always made Azarin dress up for meals with his father when Azarin would have rather been spending time with Zuko and Azula.

“Your hair is getting frighteningly long, I’ll have to get the royal groomers to cut it for you soon,” Ursa smiles at Azarin through the mirror in front of him while running a brush through his stark black hair. Azarin shakes his head in protest.

“I like my hair this way,” he replies, pointedly. “It’s always put up, anyway. Why does the length matter?” His dark eyes find hers in the mirror, questioning.

Zuko’s mother lets out a small laugh, shrugging. “I suppose you’re right. Just don’t let Azula burn it all off, in that case.” She pauses, seemingly distracted, as she had stopped brushing. She looks a little sad, and Azarin is about to ask her what’s wrong when she finally speaks again, putting down the brush on the vanity in front of him. “Azarin, may I ask you a very personal question? You don’t have to answer if it makes you too uncomfortable.”

Azarin has no idea what she could ask that was “too personal,” because Ursa could ask anything of him and he would answer it. She is more a parent to him than his own father. Nonetheless, he nods, and she kneels beside the chair he’s in, turning him to face her.

“Do you want to be with Azula?” She starts, albeit hesitantly. “I know the two of you have been seeing each other for a few months, and I know you’re both young and wild and going to make mistakes. But it seems like you aren’t happy, Azarin. It seems like you’re holding yourself back from something, at least from my perspective.” She looks into his eyes and Azarin can feel her reading his soul, but that was normal for Ursa. She reaches up and places her hand on his cheek, smiling softly. “Call it a mother’s intuition, even if I am not your mother. I just want you to be happy.”

Azarin is frozen in place. He doesn’t know how to respond, mainly because for about the millionth time in his life, Zuko’s mother was completely correct. He wasn’t happy in his romance with Azula. He could barely even call it a romance. Azula was a bully and used him to compete with Zuko and Mai; Azarin doubted she even actually cared about him.

But it was more than that, and Azarin knew Ursa could feel it.

Tears somehow found their way to Azarin’s cheeks. Ursa is wiping them away and apologizing over and over for upsetting him, but Azarin shakes his head. “You’re right...please don’t say sorry, because you’re right. I--” the boy tries to swallow back more tears, but they come anyway. “I don’t like Azula like that. She said she wanted me to be her boyfriend and...she’s pretty, so I said yes. But I don’t like her...I don’t think I…” The pain in his chest tells him not to say it, to keep it inside because if he speaks it, it will be true. Azarin trusts Ursa, though. She has never given him a reason not to. “I don’t think I like girls like that.”

Ursa pulls Azarin into her arms, holding him tight to her. She speaks into his hair. “You like Zuko, don’t you?” The coldest feeling pours over Azarin, but he nods because he can’t speak anymore. Ursa holds him tighter, letting out a breath. “I won’t tell him, and I won’t tell Azula or your father. You can work things out in your own time. But Azarin, look at me.” She pulls back, holding the boy’s chin so he was forced to look at her. “There is _nothing_ wrong with you. I want you to remember that. No matter what Azula or Zuko or my husband or your father may say...you are perfect just the way you are, and my son is _so_ lucky to have someone that cares about him like you do. Do you understand, Azarin?”

_No matter what Zuko or your father may say_ …

Azarin felt a pit in his stomach begin to form, but wills it away and nods, because Ursa was trying her best to make him feel better.

His tears stop eventually, and Zuko’s mother runs a cold, wet cloth over his face to quell the redness in his cheeks. When he’s ready, his father is waiting for him in the palace dining room. They exchange bows, but nothing more.

“Prince Ozai says your bending rivals even Azula’s now,” Zhao states, as they finish their first course. “I have to say I’m proud, even if you are wasting your time running around with that girl.”

Azarin flinches at the harsh tone his father is using, but responds softly. “I...I don’t have to be with Azula...if that’s what you want, father.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Azarin. I’m glad you’re taking an interest in the right girls. Azula will make a fine wife one day, if you’re still interested in her by the time you’re ready for marriage, that is. Even if you’re not, we can pretend you are and reap the benefits of not only working for the royal family but marrying into it as well.” A sly smile makes its way on Zhao’s lips as he points his chopsticks in Azarin’s direction. “You’re making the right moves, son. I have to say, I admire your vision.”

Azarin is once again stunned. He has no idea how to respond to such a ridiculous notion; after his talk with Ursa, he was already planning on telling Azula he doesn’t want to be her boyfriend anymore. Now his father was _proud_ of him for being with Azula?

The turmoil inside of him causes more tears to fall again, and Azarin hates himself for it because he knows what his father is going to say. _Only cowards and traitors cry, Azarin._

“Why are you crying? Are you serious?” Zhao snaps at his son, venom behind every syllable. “I should have known your progress was just a show. You’ve always been nothing but a disappointment.”

The fear and despair within Azarin quickly switch to rage and anger. He slams his fists on the table, fire bursting around them as he stands up. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows he’ll regret this. “I’m crying because I’m a thirteen year old boy and I’m _allowed_ to cry. I’m crying because you think everything has to be a political move when I’m just a _thirteen year old boy_ and I’m growing up.”

Zhao stands as well, eyes burning a fire worse than hell into his son. His tone is dark. “I would watch my words if I were you, boy.”

“ _NO_ ! I am _done_ trying to please you when all you ever do is call me a disappointment!” The flames around Azarin’s fists glow hotter and brighter as he speaks. “I don’t even like Azula! I don’t want her and I never will! But you know who I _do_ like, father?”

Zhao has taken a bending stance, one foot behind him, eyes trained on Azarin’s every move. “Enlighten me, Azarin.”

The boy closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before saying the name.

“Zuko.”

Azarin looks up to see the utter shock in his father’s widened eyes for only a split second before the older man strikes. A swift blast of fire hits Azarin in the side of his chest, catching his robe on fire and burning him up to the side of his neck. The boy screams out in pain and drops to the floor, but not after sending several balls of fire toward his father.

Zhao steps around the table to stand over his son, hands in fists. “If you speak a single word to _anyone_ about your affinity for boys, I will have you banished from this palace and you will live among the dogs with your mother.”

Azarin wants to respond and tell his father to go to hell, but he’s in far too much pain to speak.

Not a moment later, there are several rushed footsteps into the room. Azarin recognizes the Ozai’s voice, as well as his wife’s sound of shock and disbelief.

“Zhao, what happened here?” Ozai questions.

Azarin’s father steps forward, likely bowing to the Fire Nation Prince, but Azarin’s eyes are squeezed shut. He can only hear them. “Azarin needed to learn a lesson about manners. He decided to raise his voice to me, and I put an end to it.”

“Zhao, you can’t be serious!” Ursa’s urgent and incredulous voice sounds. “He’s just a boy!”

“If young Azarin has the ability to talk back to his father, he is no longer a boy. He will learn his lesson as his wounds heal, and he will forever be reminded of that lesson when he looks at his reflection. A fine lesson to be taught, Zhao. I commend you for your courage.” Ozai sounds infinitely pleased. Azarin forces his eyes open just the slightest to see what was going on, and finds Ozai gazing down at him, a deathly evil smirk gracing his lips. It sends a painful shiver down Azarin’s spine.

“ _Courage_ ?!” Ursa is nearly shouting, frantic as she pleads with her husband. “You commend this man for _attacking_ his son? Would you do the same to Zuko?”

Ozai snaps, backing his wife into a wall, voice booming. “I would not think twice to do the same to Zuko if he disrespected me like that! Now get _him_ somewhere else while I tell Fire Lord Azulon of Zhao’s bravery.”

Those are the last words Azarin hears before blackness engulfs him.

  
  
  
  


Barely a year later, Ozai burns Zuko.

The difference is, Zuko had actively challenged his father’s war general to an Agni Kai, but it was Ozai who had burned Zuko over his eye and half of his face.

That day was a blur. Ursa had disappeared days before and Azarin swears she had warned him about what would happen, but he can’t remember _anything_ from the night she disappeared. Azula was crazy and thought Ozai had killed her, and then Azarin hears that Zuko was fighting his father. It was all too much to handle, too fast. Azarin was grieving Ursa’s disappearance one day, and the next he’s banished from the palace along with Zuko and Zuko’s uncle Iroh, who chose to accompany Zuko on his journey to search for the Avatar.

Azarin didn’t know why Zuko wanted to restore his honor by pleasing his father after what the newly appointed Fire Lord had done to him. After his own father had burned him, Azarin didn’t speak to him when he visited. He eventually stopped visiting for Azarin, and only came to relay messages to Azulon or to visit Ozai. Azarin didn’t care. He wished Zuko wouldn’t care, but the prince was fixated on finding the Avatar to get back his place within the Fire Nation and even more so, to attain his father’s approval once more.

Azarin thinks that if this is the way Fire Nation fathers treat their sons, he doesn’t want to be a part of it anymore.

  
  
  
  


“What is on your mind, Azarin?” Iroh’s brash voice sounds from behind the boy, who is sitting on the deck of their ship watching Zuko practice his bending from afar. “You seem troubled.”

Azarin smiles at the elder as he sits down next to him with a cup of hot tea, handing one to the dark-eyed boy. “He’s so filled with rage that he doesn’t understand he got that burn for standing up for what’s right. And he won’t listen to anyone, not even me, try to tell him any differently.”

Iroh hums in agreement, sipping his tea. “You are correct, my boy. But I think that with people like you and I around, he will eventually see himself and his mistakes differently. You are wise beyond your years, young Azarin. My nephew is lucky to have such a close friend as smart as you.”

“Thank you, General Iroh,” Azarin bows his head toward the man and drinks a bit of the tea in his hand. The taste is welcoming and safe. “I think you make the best tea in the Fire Nation, maybe the world.”

“Well thank you, Azarin! And please, call me uncle. Not only are you a part of the family, but my military days are very much over.” Iroh chuckles loudly and goes to say something in response, but Azarin jumps to his feet to block a stream of fire from hitting the elder man.

Zuko looks like he wants to kill something. “How are you two laughing and enjoying tea when we have an important mission to accomplish?! We should all be _training_!” At the end of his sentence, Zuko emphasizes his point by sending another attack toward Azarin, who counters it with his own then jumps, fire spewing from his feet and propelling him into the air. He drops down inches from Zuko, flaming fist almost touching his friend’s face.

“I know you’re upset about everything right now, but attacking your uncle won’t solve anything. Just calm down and get some rest, Zuko...please.”

“How about I attack _you_ then?”

Zuko attempts to flip Azarin onto his back using his arm as leverage, but the older boy anticipates it and uses the attack against him. Zuko is face down on the deck of the ship in under a few seconds, while Iroh is clapping from his seat.

“Nice work, boys! Azarin is quite the formidable opponent, Zuko,” Iroh says, wide smile on his face as he hands Azarin a freshly poured cup of tea. “It would be wise to not underestimate him.”

Zuko makes a frustrated noise, but storms off below the ship without a word.

  
  
  
  


A year goes by with no leads and no trace of the Avatar. Zuko has grown more filled with rage and anguish than Azarin has ever seen him, and the older boy doesn’t like it. He doesn’t know how much longer he can stand to see his friend like this, but he tries to bear through it, because Zuko needed him. Even if Zuko didn’t know or openly appreciate it.

The Air Temples were uselessly abandoned, but magnificent wonders of architecture. Zuko had so much pent up inside him that he took out his rage on the Air Temple structures around him whenever there was no sign of the Avatar. Iroh and Azarin both try to keep Zuko from his destructive tendencies, but the fire prince will always do as he pleases.

By the time they reached the Eastern Temple, another few months have passed. Zuko resigns himself to bathing in the river nearby after no sign of any life was found, even after Azarin asks him to stay for dinner and tea. The younger boy hadn’t responded, just stormed off with a towel and soap.

“The duck is delicious tonight, did Ako prepare it?” Azarin questions Iroh before taking another bite.

“With my assistance, yes,” the elder responds, smile in tow. “I told him he wasn’t using enough seasoning, so I gathered some herbs nearby. The Air Temples all have an abundance of flora around them.” Azarin nods with a mouth full of meat. His mind flickers back to Zuko and he’s sure it’s noticeable; his eyes drop to his plate while he swallows his food and takes a sip of water. Iroh doesn’t let him get by with it. “I think you should go talk to him after dinner. He needs the support of a friend right now.”

Azarin sighs, defeated. “He won’t listen to me, so what’s the point?”

“He will hear you over time. Right now, he is dealing with so much inner turmoil that he can’t hear anything or anyone but his own thoughts. But if you are here for him and take a moment to listen to him, I am sure he will come around eventually.”

He knows Iroh is right -- Iroh is _always_ right -- so after they share a cup of post-meal tea, Azarin sets off to find Zuko.

Darkness had settled over the area quickly, so Azarin lights a flame in his hand for light...or, tries to, but it doesn’t work at first. His fire bending has never _not worked_ before. He tries a few more times as he walks and is successful, so he tries to push that from his mind while he follows the sound of the nearby river. He’ll ask Iroh about it tomorrow.

“I can hear you coming, uncle,” Zuko’s voice sounds from up ahead. “Go back to the ship and let me be alone.”

Smiling, Azarin puts out his flame and pushes through the brush. “Actually, wise one, it’s me. I think your uncle is in a duck and tea coma currently.” Zuko scoffs from the water he’s neck-deep in, and it’s just now that Azarin is realizing Zuko is naked under the water. He’s suddenly incredibly nervous. “I can leave if that’s what you really want. I just...I wanted to check on you…”

Zuko’s amber eyes study Azarin for a moment before he responds. “You can stay. But I’m not talking about _how I feel_ or anything like that. Don’t be my uncle.”

“You really act like your uncle is the devil, but he isn’t the one who gave you that scar.” Azarin almost immediately regrets his words, because a giant stream of fire shoots past his head, but he doesn’t move or react. “And what will killing me solve?”

“It’ll shut you up,” Zuko responds quickly, moving up in the river and exposing his chest and torso. Azarin doesn’t see Zuko without robes on often at all, so he’s almost stunned when he sees how much finely toned muscle the prince has acquired recently. He tries not to stare, but just as he looks away, Zuko says something. “Jealous? All my training has buffed me up. If you actually trained with me, you’d know.”

Zuko has no idea how incredibly stupid of an idea that is, but Azarin is weak. Really, _really_ weak, but not in the physical sense at all.

The older boy can feel his cheeks gaining a blush. “Maybe I’ll start training with you, then.” Azarin sits on the riverbank and runs a hand through his long hair. “You’re right...I’m jealous.” Jealous of the guards that stand watch while Zuko trains, maybe.

“I knew it,” Zuko counters, with a small smirk not shortly behind.

Azarin really hates himself for getting into these situations with Zuko. The more time he spends with Zuko alone, the more he realizes that he can’t hide how he feels forever. Zuko isn’t stupid...he’s just fixated at the moment. When he finds the Avatar, what will happen then? Will Azarin grow up and lose these feelings, or will he always want to be more than just friends with Zuko? He doesn’t even know what he would do if Zuko accepted him, but at some point, the truth will come out...and Azarin will pay the price for it. He will _never_ be ready for that.

“Can I ask you something, Rin?”

The soft, unsure tone in Zuko’s voice brings Azarin back from his thoughts. He looks up at Zuko, smiling. “You just did.”

The fire prince gives the other boy an eye roll before continuing. “Do you think I can do this? Find the Avatar? Or is it just a pointless, endless mission my father gave me to keep me away from the Fire Nation while he runs it into the ground?” Azarin goes to reply, but is cut off by Zuko slamming fiery fists down into the water around him. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel. I finally got the courage to stand up to my bully of a father and I got _literally_ burned, then banished from my home and -- I cost my best friend his home, too.” When Zuko looks up at him, all Azarin sees in his eyes is tortured anguish. “I’m so sorry that my mistake cost you your home, Azarin. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever seen Zuko be this sincere before. Not since they were very, very young.

It’s kind of annoying that Iroh is _always_ right.

“Don’t apologize, Zuko. Really,” the older boy starts. He tries to smile as sweetly as he can. “It isn’t your fault that your father is just as much of a bully as mine is. Probably worse, I mean, Ozai’s bullying _the whole world_.”

For the first time in a very long while, Zuko laughs. Azarin hadn’t realized just how much he missed Zuko’s laugh until now.

“Yeah,” Zuko says. “That’s definitely true.”

“And…” Azarin tries to find the proper words to get across what he’s thinking. “While I _do_ think your father tasked you with something that’s basically impossible, I know you’ll find a way to redeem yourself to him if that’s what you truly want. You never give up once you’re passionate about something.”

Zuko looks as if he’s deep in thought for a few moments as he lowers himself into the water once more, covered up to his shoulders. “It’s scary how well you know me sometimes.”

“Hey, what are friends for?”

They’re both silent for a long while; Zuko treading water and Azarin picking up rocks in front of him only to drop them onto the ground again. Azarin wishes he could do something to help Zuko more than he already is, if only so his friend could feel some semblance of inner peace. They were both far too young to have this many problems. They were definitely too young to have burn scars from their own parents, but Azarin is learning more and more that it’s just how things in the Fire Nation went. If you stepped out of line, you got burned in a very literal sense. It was madness and Azarin was glad to be out, but he knew deep down that Zuko did not feel the same way.

He had a very ominous feeling that their differences would come to a head eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment with any thoughts or suggestions or questions......they keep me alive


	3. new faced reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some new faces as well as an old one.
> 
> chapter theme: new fears - lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows the events of book one, episode two: the avatar returns
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

The southern glaciers were beyond freezing temperatures, yet somehow Zuko and all his rage kept warm in minimal clothing. Azarin truly wishes the fire prince would choose a warmer place to search for the Avatar. It’s been two years since they left the Fire Nation; Azarin is starting to believe he’ll be spending the rest of his life on this ship. The short stops on land for supplies are the seventeen year old’s only relief from the constant training and brooding Zuko puts himself through. The small, seemingly normal and sincere moments with Zuko happened less and less, making Azarin feel like the friend he once knew was almost gone. But Azarin would never give up hope; Zuko was still in there somewhere...all Azarin had to do was pull him back out.

There hasn’t been a single night since leaving the Fire Nation that Azarin _doesn’t_ dream of Zuko’s mother, or the vague memories he has of his own. He can’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right with what happened to Ursa. Azula _always_ lied. Azarin didn’t trust her information, and those few days were all blurred together in Azarin’s mind. He can’t remember any details while he’s awake, but in his dreams it’s a different story. He has dreams of Ursa rushing into his bedroom while he was asleep and putting something under his pillow, dreams of his own mother being engulfed in flames while screaming out for him, dreams of Ursa _being_ his mother and him resenting himself for having a crush on Zuko...even a dream or two where _Azula_ was the one who murdered Ursa, not Ozai. These dreams kept his mind from resting and his body never got any rest either, not with Zuko around wanting to “train” at every moment. Azarin was beginning to become exhausted beyond belief.

His memory of his mother fades with each year that passes. She was strikingly beautiful, he remembers that much. Azarin carries her dark eyes, black hair, and tanned skin as a daily reminder of her. The only times he can recall her voice is in his dreams though, so any time he could find to rest, he tried, even if he felt more restless after. The nightmares were worth it, because he could see both Ursa and his own mother again. Azarin would never label seeing them as a bad thing.

_“Do not trust Azula. Do not trust Azula. Do not trust Azula,” Azarin is repeating the words to himself, curled into a ball on the dark and cold floor of the Fire Nation Royal Palace. Azula’s shrill laughter echoes around him. “Do not trust Azula…”_

_Blue fire flashes around him. More laughter, but Azarin can’t see Azula. “Why are you scared, ZaZa? Are you afraid I’m going to kill you too? You should have heard ZuZu_ **_begging_ ** _me to spare you.”_

_Before Azarin can get angry, the setting changes. He’s walking outside in the sun, basking in it. A cool breeze nips at his cheeks and brings a familiar voice along with it._

_“Azarin...you must help me. You_ **_must_ ** _! You don’t know what they’ve done to me...Azarin…_

_Azarin…_

**_AZARIN!”_ **

Just before he opens his eyes, there’s a flash of Ursa’s face within his mind. Azarin blinks awake slowly, rubbing his eyes and warming himself with his own bending. He sees his breath in front of him, but he isn’t shivering from the cold. The dream he had awoken from had been equally terrifying and exhilarating.

“ _Azarin_! Get up here!”

He hears Zuko’s voice calling for him from the above deck. As quickly as he can, he sheds the blanket from around him and rushes upstairs and out into the freezing air.

Zuko has a telescope to his eye, trained on a dissipating white light in the distance. “Azarin, look! It _has_ to be the Avatar!”

“Or it’s celestial lights,” Iroh, from his place sitting in front of a game table, cuts in. “You can’t be sure what that was, nephew.”

“I _know_ what I saw!” Zuko snaps back at his uncle, then turns to look at Azarin. “Did you see it?”

Azarin shakes his head. “I only saw a bright light disappearing. I’m not sure what it could have been.”

Zuko, growing more irritated, bends some fire in Azarin’s direction. “You’re no help! Go back to your nap while I do actual work here.”

“I _want_ to help you, Zuko, just tell me how,” Azarin is pleading with his friend to not shut him out for the thousandth time just because the older boy doesn’t tell the prince _exactly_ what he wants to hear.

Zuko seems to think on Azarin’s words for a small moment. “Help me investigate what that light was.”

They change the course of the ship toward whatever Zuko saw, and Azarin is fully prepared to freeze his feet off on the ice, but in the middle of their trip a fireball signal is sent into the sky. It was the type of signal Fire Nation Navy ships had set up in traps in case their ships were ever taken over by an enemy. They quickly change course again.

“Look at him, Azarin. He’s quick for an old man,” Zuko says, handing him the telescope he’s holding.

Azarin looks through it in the same direction Zuko had been looking and sees two figures; one clearly in Air Nomad garb. He truly cannot believe it. Zuko had actually found the Avatar.

They could go home. But was the Fire Nation even their home anymore?

It turned out the Avatar wasn’t an old man at all. He had frozen himself in the body of a twelve year old boy somehow. Azarin doesn’t pretend to understand how the Avatar system works, but something about it seemed suspicious and it didn’t sit well with him how Zuko was treating the boy.

Zuko sent him to be locked up, and Azarin follows his friend with a hand on his shoulder. “Zuko, I think we should talk to the Avatar and let him explain what happened. How does it make sense that he’s so young? Fire Lord Sozin killed all of the Air Nomads a long time ago and the Avatar was said to have gotten away, but he should be a deteriorating old man by now.” They reach Zuko’s quarters, entering and sitting across from each other on the floor. “This doesn’t make sense at all. He poses a greater threat than we anticipated.”

For the second time that day, it looks like Zuko is _actually_ listening to Azarin. The younger boy nods. “You’re right. We should restrain him more and make him talk, make him tell us what’s going on.”

Well...it wasn’t _exactly_ what Azarin had in mind, but it’s a start.

Before Azarin can respond, his senses pick up light footsteps coming down the hall. His eyes widen. “He escaped. Looks like we won’t get the chance to question him, after all.” Azarin looks behind him, to the Avatar’s staff. “He’ll be coming for his staff. Let’s ambush him together.”

Nodding, Zuko opens the door to his room and they both hide behind it. Sure enough, the Avatar enters and reaches for his staff, but Zuko closes the door behind him and Azarin shoots flames in his direction, careful not to hit him or even come close. He still doesn’t feel right fighting a child, even if that child is the Avatar.

“Looks like I underestimated you,” Zuko says, hands up and ready to attack.

Azarin smirks a little. “We won’t be making that mistake again.” He punctuates his sentence with a blast of fire toward the boy, who jumps to the side just in time to avoid it.

It really takes both Zuko’s _and_ Azarin’s efforts to try and incapacitate the Avatar. In the end, the air bender shoves both of the older boys into the ceiling with incredible wind power, then runs out with his staff quickly. Azarin and Zuko follow as fast as they can, but the staff apparently doubles as a glider and the Avatar begins to fly away.

Azarin feels his heart plummet into his stomach when he sees Zuko jumping from the top of the ship tower after the Avatar. Every word he’s ever said to Zuko flashes through his mind in those minuscule few moments while he makes the decision to save Zuko from being hurt. Azarin hasn’t said even half of the things he wants to say to the fire prince; Zuko isn’t leaving this earth any time soon, if Azarin has anything to do with it.

“No,” he whispers under his breath, just before pushing fire out of all four of his limbs to launch himself after Zuko. He uses his arms to push Zuko up the best he can, greatly relieved when the other gets a grip on the boy’s ankle. All of them drop to the deck of the ship, Zuko on Azarin’s back after the prince had let go of the Avatar. The three of them take defensive stances once more, but something catches Azarin’s sight over the Avatar’s shoulder. It looks like a giant, furry, flying… “ _What_ is that?”

The Avatar looks behind him, joy in his voice when he speaks. “Appa!”

The flying creature grows closer, and off of its back drops two Water Tribe teenagers. Azarin doesn’t even think before attacking, even though something in his gut is telling him he shouldn’t. He _has_ to defend Zuko, and keep Zuko safe. He will do whatever he has to in order for his friend to survive.

Whatever it takes.

By the end of it, the Water Tribe girl (who’s name seemed to be Katara) had frozen half the ship’s staff in ice, the Avatar had gone into some trance-like state and knocked Zuko over the edge of the ship, and Azarin was in a one-on-one with the Water Tribe boy who — incidentally — was _terrible_ at fighting.

“Can you _stop_ shooting giant fireballs at me?!” The boy, who seems to be about Azarin and Zuko’s age, exclaims just before jumping onto the back of the giant flying bison with the Avatar and Katara.

Azarin hates losing fights. He definitely doesn’t like losing this fight, where everyone he was fighting was vastly younger than him. He, Zuko, Iroh, and the whole ship crew were outsmarted by a novice waterbender, unskilled warrior, and a twelve year old boy.

Azarin seethes before gathering all his energy into his core, taking a stable yet neutral stance, then sending the largest ball of fire he thinks he’s ever created up into the air, toward the group flying away. The look on the Avatar’s face is frightened, but he scrambles to get his staff and airbends Azarin’s attack into the side of the ice cliff beside them. The resulting avalanche of ice and snow covers half of the ship, stopping them in their tracks.

Azarin’s breath is heavy, fists clenched, clouds escaping from his mouth into the frigid air around him, when he turns to Zuko and Iroh behind him. Zuko steps forward, placing a hand on Azarin’s shoulder.

“You were right, Rin,” the prince says, grip getting slightly stronger on Azarin’s shoulder. “He is _much_ more of a threat than we anticipated.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


The very next day, Zuko wakes Azarin early for training. So early that the sun isn’t out, and when Azarin notices this he begins protesting.

“Zu, seriously, let me _sleep_ …it’s so early…”

Zuko shakes his head as he pulls Azarin by his arm up to the deck of the ship. “No time for sleep, Rin. I want you to show me how you made such a big fireball yesterday.” Once in the cold, open air, Zuko lets go of Azarin and takes a bending stance. “Teach me how to create fire like that.”

Azarin groans, but he can’t deny that he truly doesn’t mind the alone time with Zuko. He only wishes it weren’t _so_ early in the morning.

The older boy takes a long look at Zuko, walking around him and suppressing a large yawn. “First off, your stance is offense. You need a neutral stance to control your core energy enough for this.”

“Neutral stance?” Zuko questions, dropping his arms to his sides. “How can firebending have a neutral stance?”

Azarin smiles but shakes his head. Zuko was an incredible bender, but he was fiercely impatient when it came to learning new things. He thought he knew what firebending was all about, when he actually knew very little. Azarin had spent hundreds of hot days in the palace library, studying any and every book, scroll, and parchment he could find on bending techniques, even if they weren’t for firebending itself. He wanted to be a great bender but he also knew that he wanted his bending to come from its natural source, not anger, pain, or control. He didn’t want to be a bender like his father, Zuko’s father, or Azula.

“Like this,” Azarin responds. He closes his feet together, then moves his hands from his hips up to his neck, breathing in as much air as he possibly could. Then, with both of his fists, he pushes another extremely large fireball out of his hands. When he’s done, he pushes his energy back down and lets out the rest of his breath. Working with his core energy always felt incredible; ever since Azarin learned this technique, his bending had gotten immensely better. It was also — coincidentally — when he had started beating Azula in duels.

Zuko attempts to mimic Azarin’s method but his intent and motions are both wrong, so what comes from his bending isn’t as breathtaking as what Azarin had done. The prince lets out a frustrated growl. “I don’t understand! I did everything the same way you did!”

“But did you?” Azarin questions. He knows he’s going to regret this decision, but it was the only way to properly show Zuko what he was doing wrong. Azarin steps behind the slightly shorter firebender, pressing his body against the other. His hands find Zuko’s forearms -- which are still hot from bending -- and move them to be level with the prince’s hips. “You have to _feel_ the energy within you. You can’t simply copy the motion and expect it to work.” Azarin brings Zuko’s hands up the other’s torso slowly, lowering his voice. “Push the energy up from your core while taking a deep breath through your nose,” he pauses, allowing Zuko some time to breathe in. The contact between their bodies is not lost on Azarin; he can’t help but enjoy what’s happening, even if that enjoyment is only one-sided. “Now when your arms outstretch, visualize the biggest fire you’ve ever seen, then make it bigger. Let out your breath.”

When Azarin pushes Zuko’s arms up, he has to step back from the amount of fire and heat coming from his friend. It lights up their surroundings and Azarin is absolutely in awe of what he sees. He hates to admit it (even to himself), but he really didn’t think Zuko had this kind of firebending in him. Azarin is extremely happy to be proven wrong.

“Did you see that?!” The excitement both in Zuko’s voice and his face makes Azarin smile in admiration, unable to control it. “That was even bigger than yours!”

Azarin nods, smile wide, placing his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. “I’m proud of you, Zu. Pull that out on the Avatar and he’ll be an airbender stir-fry.” Without thinking, Azarin’s hands slide down Zuko’s arms a little. The other’s eyes are still filled with wonder and pride, making them twinkle brightly in the low morning light. Azarin gets a little lost in them, feeling his chest fill with something familiar. Before he can stop himself, he makes a stupid and impulsive decision. “Zuko, I--”

“Prince Zuko,” a crew member cuts off Azarin. Zuko turns to face him and the older boy steps back, embarrassed that he _actually_ thought he was about to confess his feelings to his friend. He feels stupid, but listens to what the man has to announce. “We’re coming in to the Fire Nation Naval Yard. The ship’s damages will be repaired in a day or two.”

“Thank you. Wake my uncle and tell him we’re going into town to restock on tea. That should make his morning,” Zuko responds with a smile on his lips before turning back to Azarin. “Go get ready. We’ll get you some new clothes.”

Azarin makes an offended face as he walks toward the stairs leading below the deck. “My clothes are just fine, thanks.” He begins to descend the steps, but Zuko stops him by gripping his wrist.

“Thank you, Rin. For teaching me.” Zuko sounds stiff and awkward, like he isn’t used to thanking people. Azarin knows that’s probably the truth. “I, uh...I appreciate it.”

Azarin can feel his heart beating extremely hard in his chest from the contact with Zuko, but he controls himself as much as he can and smiles back at his friend. “Don’t thank me. I’ll piss you off again soon enough.”

“Hey, what are friends for?”

Azarin lets out a small laugh, then heads to his room to clean up and change from his sleep clothes. Apparently he takes too long, because Zuko and Iroh leave the ship before him. Azarin is rushing, pulling on his shoes while hopping on one foot out of the ship. His back is turned toward the dock as he descends the ramp of the ship, so he doesn’t see the person he collides with, only hears Zuko yelling from behind him to slow down.

“I’m so sorry, I--” Azarin turns around to be greeted by the sight of his father. He stands in absolute shock, unable to speak or move, cold tremors suddenly running down his spine.

“Did you think you _wouldn’t_ run into me at a Naval Ship Yard?” Zhao’s terrifying voice is topped with one of his sinister smirks. “Although, I didn’t expect you to literally _run_ into me. Still disappointing, as always, Azarin.” The man’s sharp eyes study the burn scar around Azarin’s neck for a moment before returning to lock gazes with his son. “Make yourself at home, I suppose. You won’t be here long, anyway.”

Zhao walks away and Azarin lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Before he can process what just happened, Zuko is in front of him.

“Are you okay? You look terrified,” Zuko’s voice is filled with concern. It’s endearing.

Azarin nods, even though it’s a lie. His whole body feels like he just took on a saber-tooth moose lion and lost. “I’m fine. I just want to get supplies and get back on the ship.”

“Uh…” Zuko hesitates, scratching his neck as if he’s nervous. “Commander Zhao invited us for dinner.”

“And he has ginseng tea!!!” Iroh calls from behind Zuko, but Azarin ignores him for once.

“Since when did he become a Commander?” The dark-eyed boy asks while he and Zuko walk into the port town.

Zuko shrugs. “He probably cheated his way into the position. You know how he is about political power. I just hope he doesn’t try to start something with you while we’re here. He’s already suspicious of how our ship managed to get so damaged.”

_You know how he is about political power._

The statement sends a painful shock to Azarin’s chest and neck, where his burn is, and he can’t help but absently reach up and gently touch the scars there. When he speaks again, it’s softer, almost a whisper.

“Let’s just get our ship fixed and get the hell out of here.”

Zuko nods and pats Azarin on the back. “I couldn’t agree more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @breathofthewxld


	4. proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin challenges his father to an agni kai.
> 
> chapter theme: natural - imagine dragons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows the events of book one, episode 3: the southern air temple
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)
> 
> twitter: breathofthewxld

“Commander Zhao, I’ve been hunting the Avatar for two years and I-“

“And you  _ failed _ !” Zhao cuts off Zuko, flames engulfing his fists as he towers over the prince. “Capturing the Avatar is too important to leave in a teenager’s hands. He’s mine now.”

Angry, Zuko lunges at Zhao, fully intent on fighting him but Zhao’s guards keep him restrained while the Commander begins walking out of the room. “Keep them here. I need to have a  _ talk _ with my son.”

Now even more filled with rage, Zuko shoots fire out of his hands and mouth, making the guards let go of him in fear of getting burned. He runs to Zhao, pulling on the man’s robes to turn him around. “Leave Azarin out of this! If anything, he was the one closest to keeping the Avatar in our custody!”

Zhao grins, pulling himself out of Zuko’s grip. “Then he will have no problem accompanying me to re-capture the boy.” The door shuts behind Zhao and Zuko kicks the table next to his uncle, effectively shattering it into pieces before shouting in frustration.

Iroh sips his drink. “More tea?” The elder man holds up his cup, but Zuko smacks it out of his hand.

“I don’t want tea! Do you know what Zhao is going to do to Azarin?! I have to help my friend!”

Smiling, Iroh stands. “I am proud of you for wanting to do what is right, Zuko, but Azarin can take care of himself. He will stand up to his father if he needs to.”

“Are you serious?” Zuko snarls, even more frustrated. “Did you see the way he reacted when he just  _ saw _ his father earlier? Imagine him being stuck on a ship with Zhao for weeks at a time!  _ I have to help him. _ ”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Iroh nods. “Very well. We must make a plan.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.  _

Azarin counts his breaths, one by one, flames flickering from his mouth each time he exhales. The encounter with his father earlier that day had left him shaken, but only because he hadn’t expected to see him. After a day of meditation, Azarin feels fully confident in facing his father, should the situation happen again. He  _ wants _ to be ready, because he is no longer the hot-headed, weak boy that his father once burned. Azarin wants the chance to prove that.

It’s almost as if the universe is actively listening to his thoughts. A knock on the door to his quarters sends his eyes wide open, the familiar voice coming through the door almost making him shiver.  _ Almost _ .

“Azarin, I have a proposition for you, if you’ll open the door.”

Azarin exhales his last flame for the moment, staring at the wall across from him. “I’m not interested in anything you have to offer.”

He can hear his father chuckle, patronizing him. “Either you come with me willingly, or I send your precious prince to prison for attacking a commanding officer.”

Of course, Zhao knew the  _ exact  _ cords to strike. Azarin jumps to his feet, anger tingeing every one of his nerves, swinging the metal door open to face his father. His fists are on fire. “ _ Where is Zuko _ .”

It’s less a question and more a command, which has Zhao raising an eyebrow at his son. “You dare order me around, boy? Are you looking to get burned again?”

Without another thought, Azarin has Zhao shoved against the wall outside his room, forearm digging into the man’s throat. “I’m going to ask you  _ one  _ more time,” he starts, raising his fist to be eye level with Zhao. “ _ Where _ is Zuko?”

Although he isn’t showing it outwardly, Azarin can sense the small trickle of fear in his father through the pulse in his neck. He most likely didn’t expect Azarin to be brave enough to stand up to him. He miscalculated his own son, and the result is that he isn’t able to bully Azarin in the way he wants to.

“Do you  _ really  _ think I’m going to let you run to your boyfriend and leave without a fight?” Zhao’s voice is a little strained, but not inaudible. There’s still the same amount of venom in his words, regardless. “I have guards at every end of this hallway and every exit of this ship, not to mention the two guarding your Zuko and Iroh. You’ll never make it out without exhausting all of your energy fighting. Give up, Azarin.”

Hot, boiling rage pulses through every vein in Azarin’s body. He can’t control himself when he flips Zhao to be face-first into the wall, slamming the man’s head into the metal for good measure. Zhao attempts to trip Azarin with his feet in the process, but Azarin jumps over them, landing gracefully and shoving a flame-covered foot against his father’s ankle. “Zuko is  _ not  _ my boyfriend, and I’m not afraid of your silly little guards.”

With that, Azarin lets go of Zhao and runs down the hall, swiftly avoiding the attacks his father is sending toward him. He takes down a guard at the end of the hall easily by setting the man’s shoes on fire and slipping past him.

At the top of the stairs, he hears his father screaming. “What are you  _ doing _ ?! Don’t let him get away!”

Smiling at the fact he had outsmarted his father, Azarin leaps through the deck opening and attacks the two guards there with fireballs from his feet. When he lands, he takes in a deep breath quickly and expels it at the same time that he sends large streams of fire from his fists, effectively knocking both guards over the side of the ship and into the water below from trying to avoid getting burned. Azarin then jumps down onto the dock, running toward what he knew to be a Commander’s tent. He shoves the guards aside and steps in, seeing Zuko and Iroh in chairs, facing each other.

“Azarin!” Zuko exclaims as he nearly leaps out of his seat to embrace the older boy tightly. “I thought he kidnapped you!”

Azarin’s breath had been taken out of him from the sudden contact with Zuko, but he wraps his arms around the other, allowing himself to relax a little. “I’ll never let him come near me.”

“Actually, Azarin…” Iroh starts, looking behind them. “I think you played into his trap.”

He doesn’t want to look. He shouldn’t look. If he looks, then that would mean he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is, and he had made a fool of himself in front of his father  _ again _ .

“Now that you’re all here, I would like to inform you that once I’m out to sea, my guards will escort you back to your ship and you’ll be free to go.” The smile on Zhao’s lips is repulsive.

Azarin can’t help the growl that emits from his throat. “You tricked me.”

“You actually believe I would  _ let  _ you pin me against a wall without fighting back?” Zhao was right; Azarin had been too emotional and too naive. He had allowed himself to get too worked up, and his father took advantage of that. “You tricked yourself, Azarin,” the man steps forward, leaning down a little into Azarin’s face. “Still a disappointment,  _ as always _ .”

“I’ll show you disappointment,” Azarin snaps back, ready to shoot flames into his father’s face, but Iroh pulls him back and down into one of the chairs he and Zuko had been sitting in.

“I think it’s best that you leave, Commander Zhao,” the elder says, as calmly as possible, but still with a warning behind it. “There is no need for fighting.”

While Azarin didn’t necessarily agree, he knew it was in all of their best interests to not kill each other. He remains in his seat, blood still pumping quickly through his body from adrenaline.

“Very well,” Zhao responds, eyes studying the three of them. “As I said, once I leave, you are all able to leave.”

“Why?” Zuko interjects, stepping to Zhao. Azarin can feel the heat coming from the prince. “Are you worried we’re gonna stop you?”

Even though that was most likely the exact reason Zhao didn’t want them leaving at the same time as him, he laughs like the idea was ridiculous. “You and your band of miscreants can’t stop me.”

It’s becoming increasingly difficult for Azarin to stay calm, but he knows Zuko will do and say whatever he wants regardless of whether or not Azarin intervenes, so he stays in his seat and observes his best friend standing up to his father.

“ _ Don’t _ underestimate me, Zhao. I  _ will  _ capture the Avatar before you.”

“Prince Zuko! That’s enough!” Iroh gets a grip on Zuko’s shoulder. Azarin thinks the old man must get absolutely tired of trying to keep their surroundings from burning to the ground constantly, between himself and Zuko. But can they help that they’re both young, hot-headed firebenders?

“ You can't compete with me. I have  _ hundreds  _ of warships under my command, and you...you're just a banished prince.” Zhao was beginning to tread on thin ice. Azarin could feel Zuko get more tense with every word the Commander spoke. “No home. No allies. Your own father doesn't even want you.”

“You're wrong,” Zuko actually responds somewhat calmly, to Azarin’s surprise. “Once I deliver the Avatar to my father he will welcome me home with honor and restore my rightful place on the throne.”

Even Azarin can’t believe the things that Zhao says next, and judging by the look on Zuko’s face, he can’t either. “If your father  _ really  _ wanted you home, he'd have let you return by now, Avatar or no Avatar, but in his eyes, you are a failure and a disgrace to the Fire Nation. All three of you.” He looks pleased with himself after he says it, and Zuko’s voice falters a bit when he responds.

“That’s not true…”

“You have the scar to prove it,” Zhao’s eyes dart to Azarin for a moment. “Both of you do.”

The heat from Zuko is clearly evident in the room. He shouts in anger, stepping up into Zhao’s face before Azarin can reach to stop him. “Maybe you’d like one to match!”

Azarin can see  _ exactly  _ where this is going. His heart starts thumping rapidly in his chest, so loud that it’s in his ears. He doesn’t know how to stop Zuko...and there’s a small part of him that actually doesn’t want to.

“Is that a challenge?” Zhao asks, bemused.

“Agn-”

“Agni kai,” Azarin cuts off Zuko while pushing in front of the younger boy. He’s chest to chest with his father. “Tonight. Sunset. Or are you too afraid to fight your son?”

Zhao seems to mull it over for a moment, eyes moving from Zuko back to Azarin, then shrugs. “Very well. I’ll have to teach you yet another lesson, boy.”

The Commander steps out of the tent and Azarin slides back into the chair he was sitting in, eyes glued to the floor. His need to protect Zuko is evolving into putting himself in danger to do so, but he can’t ever catch himself fast enough to prevent it from happening. Azarin  _ really  _ hates himself.

“What did I just do…” He whispers, under his breath, but he’s pretty positive neither of the others could hear him.

“ _ Why _ did you do that, Azarin?!” Zuko seems angry, but Azarin is barely processing. “We had a plan! I knew I could beat him!”

Blinking himself back to reality, Azarin shakes his head, hands in his hair. “I’m sorry, Zuko. I...I was trying to protect you…”

Zuko releases some form of fire, but Azarin isn’t even looking up. “I  _ don’t  _ need you to protect me! I knew what I was doing! How could you be so  _ stupid _ ?!”

“Prince Zuko, I think you should calm down,” Iroh steps between the prince and his friend. “You should be thanking brave Azarin for caring about you enough to face his own father to protect you.”

Zuko shouts out in anger. “I. DON’T. NEED. HIS.  _ PROTECTION _ !” The candles lighting up the room around them surge with flame at Zuko’s outburst. “If he wants to get himself killed, that’s fine, but it  _ won’t  _ be because I need him to protect me!”

Azarin doesn’t know exactly what Zuko says that has shame pouring over him like ice water. Maybe it was that Zuko didn’t need him, or maybe it was that Zuko said it’s fine if he gets himself killed. Maybe it was the fact that he just put his life on the line for someone who isn’t even grateful to have a friend that cares about him like Azarin does. The older boy is truly beginning to see just how different he and the fire prince are.

Clenching his fists, Azarin stands, eyes glaring in Zuko’s direction. “Fine,” He steps around Iroh and draws close to Zuko, hands catching on fire in the process. “I’m not doing it to protect you, then. I’m doing it because he deserves to be humiliated. I’m doing it because  _ he  _ did  _ this _ ,” Azarin pulls open his top robe, exposing his entire burn scar. “I’m doing it because I’m not the little boy he used to bully anymore, and I  _ know  _ I can beat him. Everything isn’t always about  _ you _ , Zuko.”

“But you said--”

“I know what I said,” Aarin cuts off Zuko. “But that doesn’t mean there aren’t other motives for me challenging my father to an Agni Kai. I have my own reasons that have  _ nothing  _ to do with you, on top of wanting to protect you.”

“Life is not simply black and white or light and dark, nephew,” Azarin is a little surprised to hear Iroh from behind him, but he’s grateful for the support. Zuko  _ needed  _ to understand. “It is complicated and complex. Azarin has unresolved turmoil with his father, even if his breaking point was triggered by wanting to protect his closest friend.”

Azarin nods, not taking his eyes off of Zuko. “I would have done this at some point, either way. It isn’t your fight, it’s mine. You hate him so much because of  _ me  _ and you never would have challenged him if it weren’t for  _ me _ .”

Zuko seems to think on Azarin’s words. He visibly relaxes, fists falling. “I still think you’re stupid.”

“Maybe I am,” Azarin responds, trying to smile even though he’s equally angry and terrified. “But I  _ have  _ to do this.”

Zuko doesn’t argue anymore, only nods.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When the sun begins to set, they’re escorted to a bending arena a small distance inland. Azarin is given traditional Agni Kai clothing to wear, which will reveal his entire burn scar to his father while they’re battling; Azarin hopes seeing it in its entirety will make Zhao feel even a small pang of guilt, but he knows it won’t. This realization makes Azarin all the more willing to fight his father.

“Azarin,” Iroh calls him just before the seventeen year old takes his stance on the ground. The elder man places his hands on Azarin’s shoulders. “Remember your basics. Zhao will likely use nothing but raw power, but you are a much more skilled bender than he is. I am proud of both you and Zuko for standing up to him.”

No matter the gratefulness Azarin feels toward Iroh for saying these things, he doesn’t respond, just gives the man a nod and a respectful bow before taking his place. He takes in a deep breath, watching Iroh walk away and seeing Zuko standing against the wall to the arena, indignant look on his face. If only Zuko could fight Zhao with him, they would absolutely  _ destroy  _ the man.

When he lets out his breath is when he stands, robe dropping off his shoulders. His eyes lock with Zhao’s, unable to stop himself from a snide comment to go along with his smirk. “You sure you want to do this, old man?”

Zhao scoffs. “This will be over quickly.”

Taking in another breath, Azarin makes the first strikes. Zhao avoids all of them, which does nothing but make Azarin angry. He builds up his energy for a moment while gracefully dodging his father’s attacks, then releases it through his fists. The stream of fire is giant and Azarin thinks he’s finally beaten his father, but Zhao had slid underneath the flames and comes up for a frontal attack. Azarin blocks it with a grunt of frustration, then another, and another...over and over Zhao sends small attacks at a close range and Azarin is losing his footing.

The closer Zhao gets, the more Azarin sparks an idea.

He lets one of Zhao’s attacks knock him down. It must have been convincing, because Zuko and Iroh both gasp in shock. Zhao steps over his son, flames aimed at the boy’s face this time, but Azarin circles his legs in the air with flames emanating from his feet. Zhao is knocked back and it gives Azarin the exact window he was looking for; he gets to his feet and takes an offensive stance, striking at his father with both his hands and feet, over and over. The satisfaction welling in Azarin’s chest makes him smile.

When Zhao stumbles to the ground, Azarin takes his chance. He towers over his father, flamed fist up and ready to strike.

Even in the face of danger, Zhao is defiant. “Do it!” He yells, teeth clenched.

Azarin lets out a small laugh. “So you  _ do  _ want one to match, huh?” He readies his attack, flames growing bigger around his hand. He wants to do it, he  _ wants  _ to scar his father in the same way his father had permanently scarred him. He wants his father to be humiliated and reminded of it every single day of his life. But burning him isn’t the way to do it...Azarin knows this.

Shaking his head, Azarin lets out a growl and aims his attack at the ground next to Zhao’s face.

“That’s it?” Zhao still sounds defiant and venomous. “You’re a coward. I’m glad I didn’t raise such a disappointment.”

Furious, Azarin leans down into Zhao’s personal space, flames spitting from his mouth with each word he speaks. “The next time you get in our way, I  _ will  _ kill you!” Before he does something he’ll regret, Azarin turns and walks away, Iroh and Zuko at his side.

He hears Zhao get up but before Azarin can register what’s happening, Iroh has turned back around to block an attack. The elder throws Zhao to the ground by the foot he had attacked with. Zuko immediately lunges in Zhao’s direction, feet flaming, but Iroh stops him.

“No, Zuko! Do not taint Azarin’s victory. He has earned it.” The former General lets go of Zuko once he calms down, then turns back to Zhao. “This is how the great Commander Zhao acts in defeat...disgraceful.” Azarin remains ready to strike at any moment, even though Iroh was speaking as calmly as possible. “Even in exile, your son and my nephew both are more honorable than you.”

This comment makes both Zuko and Azarin stare at Iroh as he begins to walk toward the gate of the arena. He doesn’t think he’s ever been told that he’s honorable; it makes him feel incredible, like he truly did the right thing, even if he wanted so badly to hurt his father.

Azarin fights back tears as they head toward the shipyard.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey,” Zuko’s voice sounds from the doorway to Azarin’s room later that night, when they’re miles out at sea. “Can I ask you something? And don’t say I just did.”

Zuko knew him well. Azarin smiles from his bed, sitting up and taking a sip of the tea Iroh had left for him. “What is it?”

Walking into the room, the prince takes a seat at the end of Azarin’s bed. He lets out a breath, eyes on the floor. “Why didn’t you do it? Why didn’t you burn your father, after all the pain and suffering he’s put you through? He deserves it.”

Azarin takes in a large breath, smelling the tea in his hand. “He does deserve it, but I don’t.”

“Huh? What does that even mean?”

“I don’t deserve to be like him. I’m better than that,” pausing, Azarin thinks about his words, shrugging. “I’m better than  _ him _ . I don’t deserve for him to have the satisfaction of being proud of me for being just like him. I don’t want or need his approval, I have my own.”

There’s a long silence between them. Azarin hopes at the very least that his actions today can get through to Zuko even just a little bit, even if his words have a hard time getting through Zuko’s thick skull. All he wants to do is help Zuko become the best he can be...become the man that Azarin  _ knows  _ is deep down within him.

Zuko looks back at Azarin with the most genuine smile on his face. He rushes over the bed, embracing Azarin even though the older boy still had tea in his hand. Azarin relaxes into it, breathing in everything that was simply and undeniably  _ Zuko _ .

“I’m proud of you, Rin.”

Azarin fights back tears for the second time that night.


	5. brotherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> highlights the beginning of zuko and azarin’s friendship.
> 
> chapter theme: 3:00 AM - finding hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows the events book one episode four: the warriors of kyoshi
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“With all due respect, father, it is not my nor my wife’s place to raise someone else’s son, even if they are a part of our military.”

The flames around Azulon grow larger. “I am  _ making  _ it your place,” the Fire Lord snarls. “You would have our most esteemed Naval captain’s son be raised on a warship? In an orphanage?”

Ozai lowers his head to hide his annoyance with the situation, eyes on the floor. “I am sure there are plenty of other families who would be honored to have the boy, my Lord.”

“This is  _ not  _ a discussion, Ozai! Captain Zhao is in need and the Royal Family is helping him. He has done incredible things for the Fire Nation, so the Fire Nation is now repaying him for his service.”

Without hesitation, Prince Ozai stands. “Very well, father.” He walks out of the throne room quickly, ignoring his daughter who had been listening at the curtain. Ozai heads into his bedroom, where Ursa had been waiting for him. “We will be in the custody of another child. Zuko’s age. He is the son of the Fire Navy’s most esteemed Captain.”

“Ozai, that’s wonderful news!” Ursa exclaims, draping herself over her husband with a wondrous smile on her lips. “Zuko will have a friend! Although I wonder what happened to his mother…”

Ozai shakes his head, pushing her away. “She was killed and he has no other family. The Fire Lord insists he not be raised on a warship. I tried to sway him, but he says Captain Zhao has done great things for our Nation and we must repay him.”

“Why do you sound so against this?” Ursa questions her husband’s aggravated tone.

“Because he is not my son!” Ozai snaps, fire emitting from his fingers. “It is not and should not be my responsibility to raise someone else’s son simply because his own father refuses to do it!”

“This boy needs a family, Ozai. You know what it’s like to have no mother and a father out chasing military dreams...of all people, you should have a heart for his situation.”

Although Ursa brought up a good point, Ozai still didn’t like the situation. “My situation taught me strength and resilience. What will coming to live here teach this boy?? Which gold plate to eat off of?”

“Love,” Ursa says, eyes soft and pleading with her husband. “Love and caring, friendship, competition, admiration. I remember a young firebender that didn’t know what love felt like...and even though I’m not a bender, I had to melt the ice around his heart.”

Ozai narrows his eyes at her, but lets out a sigh in defeat. “Perhaps it will be nice to have two boys.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Why do we have to get dressed up to meet the new kid? He isn’t important and you’re not his mother, you’re ours.” Azula’s voice is sharp and Ursa knows she means what she says, but the woman elects to believe her seven year old daughter is not so cold.

“Watch your tongue, Azula. Azarin will be a member of this family for as long as he needs to be.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “He only needs to be because he killed his own mother.”

“ _ Azula _ !” Ursa exclaims, standing up and letting Azula’s hair fall from between her fingers and down her daughter’s back. “That is not true and you  _ will not _ say that around Azarin!” She steps back, addressing the servants in the room who were fitting Zuko’s clothes. “Someone please finish Azula’s hair. I will attend to Zuko.”

They quickly obey, and Azula has a disgruntled look on her face for the rest of the evening.

  
  
  
  
  


“Here is your room, Azarin. I hope you enjoy it,” Zuko’s mother sends a warm smile his way, but Azarin is still in awe of his surroundings.

He puts down his bags and looks around the room, admiring everything from the bed to the walls to the mirrors and furniture; he’s never been to a place like this before. He had thought his home with his mother was nice, but this palace was a whole other  _ world _ . “It’s so amazing here! You get to stay here every day?!”

“Duh, we live here!” Zuko laughs, sticking his tongue out at Azarin, who returns the gesture. He really thinks he’s going to like Zuko a lot.

“Alright boys, dinner is soon so let’s get washed up and let Azarin unpack a little,” Ursa begins to lead Zuko out of the room by his shoulders, but the boy protests.

“I can help Azarin unpack!” Zuko says, excitedly. “And we can practice firebending!”

Ursa shakes her head, but is still smiling. “ _ No firebending in the bedrooms _ , but I’ll let you stay to help Azarin with his things. Don’t be late for dinner, boys.”

When his mother exits the room, Zuko jumps on Azarin’s bed and starts a small flame in his hand. “So did you ever have a firebending teacher? We have a lot of them...I’ve been getting really good at bending. Watch this!” Zuko makes the flame in his hand bigger, then splits it and takes the second flame into his other hand. He looks up at Azarin, grinning. “Isn’t it cool?”

Azarin stares in wonder at Zuko, admiring the flames in his hands. “I’ve never had a firebending teacher,” he says, sounding a little disappointed. “My dad has taught me a few things, but not much.”

“Your  _ dad _ taught you?” Zuko questions, incredulous, eyes falling to the floor and flames dissipating. “My dad only ever wants me to get better at it. He never actually teaches me.”

“Don’t be jealous, my dad isn’t a great teacher.” It was a complete understatement, but Azarin wasn’t about to tell someone he  _ just _ met about how horrible his father is. He begins unpacking one of his bags, putting clothes away while looking for something. When he can’t find it in the bag he has, he moves to another, beginning to grow a little panicked.

Zuko notices, getting off the bed. “What are you looking for?”

“My bracelet, I swear I packed it…” Azarin glances at Zuko, trying to not release the tears pooling in his eyes. “My mother made it for me.”

Zuko immediately starts looking, crawling under the bed and around the floor. “I don’t see it! What does it look like?”

“Is this what you’re looking for?” A voice at the door makes both boys turn their heads to find Azula leaning against the doorway with exactly what Azarin is looking for dangling off her finger. “Must have fallen out of your bags. It’s truly an ugly thing, not sure why you’re so desperate for it.”

“Give it back, Azula!” Zuko shouts, suddenly angry. Azarin doesn’t know how to respond, so he just watches the siblings go back and forth. “Azarin  _ just _ got here and you’re already being mean to him!”

Giving a dramatic roll of her eyes, Azula throws the bracelet toward Zuko, hitting him in the chest with it. “Like I said, it’s ugly anyway.” She turns, starting to walk down the hall, waving her hand behind her dismissively. “See you two at dinner.”

Azarin lets out a breath. “Your sister is weird,” he says, taking his bracelet from Zuko and putting it on his wrist, tightly securing it.

“I know, don’t worry about her,” Zuko responds, bright smile on his face. “You and me can take her! Two firebenders against one!”

Grinning wide, Azarin punches Zuko in the shoulder lightly. “Yeah, I bet we could!”

While he knows the only reason he’s here is because his mother is gone, Azarin can’t help but feel a little happier regardless. Before, it was only him and his mother with the occasional visit from his father, and his father had strict rules about going out to play. Azarin had only one friend at school, but even he wasn't always the nicest to Azarin. He’s finally going to have friends, other  _ firebending _ friends, and he won’t be confined to his back yard to play.

He runs his fingers over his bracelet, smiling.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin is absently pulling at the bracelet on his wrist, sitting across from Zuko while the two of them and Iroh eat lunch. He isn’t particularly hungry; Zuko had tired him out with training all morning and all he wanted to do was go to his room and sleep the day away, but he knew he had to eat  _ something _ .

He picks at his bowl of rice with his chopsticks, trying not to nod off into sleep, when the ship’s cook enters with a steaming plank of fresh fish. It smells delicious and Azarin is ready to dig into it, even if he isn’t hungry, but the cook says something that makes his stomach drop and appetite leave him.

“Prince Zuko, sir, the Avatar has been spotted on Kyoshi Island,” Ako bows as he exits the room.

Azarin groans, dropping his head to the table and talking to the floor. “Please...no...the Avatar can wait until after a nap…”

Zuko shoots flames toward Azarin under the table, causing him to jump a little and sit back up. “No naps. We’re not that far from Kyoshi Island; he won’t be expecting us.” The prince gets up from his seat, leaving the fish on the table for the taking. When Azarin and Iroh both reach for it, Zuko rushes back and snatches it before they can. “And I’m saving this for later!”

When Zuko leaves, Azarin’s head finds the table again. He feels something being pushed into his hand; he looks up and sees a cup of hot tea, with a grinning Iroh behind it.

“Tea makes everything better!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When they land, Azarin, Zuko, and a few of their best benders are on the backs of war rhinos as soon as they exit the ship. “Come out, Avatar! You can’t hide from me forever!” Zuko’s dramatics almost make Azarin want to laugh, but he knows better. “Spread out and find him. Azarin, you stay with me, and keep an eye out for that waterbender.”

Nodding, Azarin kicks his rhino to life, following behind Zuko closely.

Azarin has heard of the Kyoshi Warriors, even seen portraits of them and known people who like to dress up like them and do martial arts performances. In no way, shape, or form, has he ever seen a Kyoshi Warrior up close or in person, but he is now immediately greeted by one heading straight for Zuko.

He blocks her attack by sending fire her way, but she comes back in full force, gold fans gleaming in the sunlight and blinding both Azarin and Zuko for the smallest of moments. It’s enough to distract him while the warrior knocks Zuko off of his rhino.

“Zuko!” Azarin calls, anger building up in him with each passing second while he gets off of his own creature, chasing the girl up the hill. Zuko looks up at him. “I’m getting this one, find the Avatar.” Zuko tries to stop him, but Azarin is already catching up to her. He knows it’s probably a trap, but his pride wants him to show this girl she messed with the wrong person.

Azarin builds up an attack while dodging most of the warrior’s, releasing the stream of fire from his hand directly at her. Her eyes widen in disbelief and Azarin readies himself to block another attack, but the waterbending girl’s brother — in full Kyoshi Warrior uniform — jumps in front of Azarin’s attack, sending it back to its creator with a double hit of the fans.

“Why is it always  _ you _ trying to kill me?!”

Azarin smiles, tilting his head to the side as he examines Sokka. “I like the outfit, twerp. Almost didn’t recognize you.”

That seemed to make Sokka mad. He rushes Azarin with his fans, the girl directly behind him, but Azarin takes them both down without using any bending. He turns back to look for Zuko only to find the prince surrounded by warriors slowly cornering him in front of a house. Azarin starts rushing to Zuko, but stops when he sees him mimicking Azarin’s own move, the one he’d used against his father in their Agni Kai. Zuko gracefully uses all of his upper body strength to hold himself up on the ground while spinning his legs, fire spewing from his feet and knocking all the warriors down. Azarin grins, proud.

It’s only now that Azarin looks at his surroundings, his smile quickly fading. Every building is on fire, even the statue of Avatar Kyoshi is starting to become engulfed in flames. Children are running up the hill to safety, where Katara is ushering them into one of the only buildings that  _ isn’t  _ burning. Azarin’s eyes are wide; he can’t believe they’d destroyed this town in under five minutes. His heart aches for the people of this island, completely isolated from the war until now, and this wasn’t even an actual  _ part  _ of it.

Azarin looks back to Zuko, who is now fighting the Avatar with giant balls of fire. He wants to help, but he isn’t sure whether he wants to help Zuko or this island more. The people here didn’t deserve this kind of destruction simply because the Avatar decided to pay them a visit, but Zuko would only see them as collateral damage...Azarin knew that much for a fact.

When Zuko is slammed into the wall of a nearby house by the Avatar though, Azarin abandons any and all thoughts to help the people around him and instead runs to him, pulling up debris from around Zuko frantically. “Are you okay? I saw--”

“I’m fine, where’s the boy?!” Zuko stands up quickly, cutting off Azarin’s concerns. “He better not get away!” When Zuko runs out of the broken building, Azarin follows after a roll of his eyes. The Avatar’s bison is up above, flying away quickly with Sokka, Katara, and Aang on board. Zuko shoots flames from his fists, letting out an extremely frustrated growl. “Back to the ship! Don’t lose sight of them!”

Azarin, growing annoyed with Zuko’s tunnel vision, grabs the prince by the wrist. “Zuko, stop. Look what we did to this island,” he gestures behind them, at all of the burning buildings. “Don’t you feel even the slightest bit sorry for them? They were innocently living their lives and then we showed up.”

“They’re not innocent, they were hiding the Avatar!” As headstrong as ever, Zuko pulls his wrist from Azarin’s grip, eyes sharp as they glare at him. “They were in my way.”

Azarin doesn’t know why he’s so shocked, but he feels like Zuko just stabbed him in the gut.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it; they needed to get back to the ship, and the rhinos were growing restless. Azarin jumps onto the back of his, and not a moment later a rainshower of water pours over them all. Soaking wet and a little annoyed, Azarin looks in the distance, spotting Aang on the head of the Unagi, forcing the creature to spray water over the village to put the fires out. He smiles to himself; the kid is pretty impressive sometimes.

On the ship, Zuko has the helmsman put everything into following the Avatar at full speed, but they lose him at the edge of the Earth Kingdom mainland as they also run out of coal for the engines. Azarin has been wide awake for hours, and with Zuko not talking to him and Iroh fast asleep, he’s relieved to hear that they're making port. He can’t stop thinking about how utterly  _ determined _ Zuko is to capture Aang. It was bordering on obsessive at this point. It seemed like Zuko would do anything it took to capture the Avatar for his own gain, his own glory. While Azarin understood the reason Zuko is on this quest, he can’t help but feel like he’s assisting Zuko in a crime. Aang is just a kid, and Azarin didn’t feel right about that.

Azarin was usually the person who went ashore when they needed supplies, because he didn’t like being cooped up on the ship constantly. Zuko was  _ just fine _ brooding up in the helm or his bedroom, and Iroh could play Pai Sho as well as nap the day away if he wanted to, which left Azarin to oversee supply stops most of the time. Fire Nation Colony ports were a home away from home; they reminded Azarin of the land he used to be so fond of, even if most of the time the people in ports were rude.

It’s bordering on two in the morning when they make port. Azarin takes a few crewmen ashore and makes arrangements for some stock of coal to be sent to their ship, then takes a look around the night market. Even as late at night as it was, there was quite a bit of life around. Azarin picks up some fruit from an incredibly nice lady, a blend of jasmine and ginseng tea for Iroh, and even some of Zuko’s favorite type of berries to help him get out of his bad mood. Overall, Azarin would say it was a successful trip.

On the way back to the ship, something catches Azarin’s eye. He stops and stares, completely bewildered at what he sees on display at a jewelry shop; it’s a bracelet  _ exactly _ like the one his mother hand-made him. He had watched her make it himself. As he walks to the booth, he pulls up his sleeve and stares at the engraved metal around his wrist. There was absolutely no mistaking it. The only differences were Azarin’s bracelet was worn, scratched, and cracked, while this one looked barely used.

The Fire Nation insignia on it gleams brightly even in the low light, drawing Azarin in to inspect it closely. The worn-looking man running the booth pushes Azarin’s head back. “Please don’t touch unless you’re going to buy.”

“Where did you get it?” Azarin asks, a little frantically. He knows this man most likely stole all of this jewelry, but it was worth a shot.

“Who wants to know?” The man looks Azarin up and down, likely inspecting his royal clothing. These people were always trying to get more money out of him when they learned he was travelling with Prince Zuko.

Azarin rolls his eyes, shoving his wrist in the man’s face. “My mother made me one  _ exactly _ like it. She’s dead. Understand now?”

The man’s eyes narrow, the side of his mouth turning up in a smile. “Very unfortunate, but I came across this bracelet at an estate sale. A captain of the Fire Navy was promoted and sold his old home along with everything in it.”

Before Azarin can stop himself, his hands curl into fists and light on fire. Of  _ course _ his father had sold everything, all he cared about was money and power. Who knows where all of his mother’s things ended up, but Azarin would find the time to search the world for it all eventually. That’s only if Zuko ever let him go.

Azarin snatches the bracelet, cutting off the merchant’s protests. “That Fire Navy Commander is my father, and I’ll be taking this back. Guards,” ending his sentence with a glower, he calls back to the men behind him with the supplies Azarin had bought. “Pay this man whatever he wants for the bracelet. It’s a gift for Prince Zuko.”

Back on the ship, Azarin finds Zuko on the deck practicing his bending, which isn’t shocking. He smiles as he creeps behind Zuko, leaning close to his ear, just before the prince strikes against the air. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Zuko shouts, scared, turning to Azarin and ready to strike. “Azarin! Why the  _ hell _ would you do that?! I could have burned you!”

“Doubtful,” Azarin responds, laughing. Zuko sends some fire his way, but he dodges it. “With that attitude, I won’t give you the present I got you in the market.”

That piques Zuko’s interest. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Why would you get me a present? I’m still mad at you for sympathizing with the enemy.”

“Because I don’t care if you’re mad at me,” Azarin says with a roll of his eyes. “You’re still my best friend. You’ll like this, trust me.” Pulling the bracelet out of his pocket, he hands it to Zuko, unable to stop himself from grinning wide. “It’s exactly like mine, like the one my mother made me. Apparently  _ Commander Zhao _ sold our family home and everything in it, which included my mother’s things. It happened to catch my eye when I was heading back to the ship.”

Zuko’s expression softens as he reaches out and takes the bracelet, eyes flicking from Azarin back to the jewelry in his hand. “I...I don’t know what to say…”

“You could say  _ thank you, Azarin, I’m sorry for being a jerk _ ,” Azarin takes the bracelet back only to step closer to Zuko, unclasping it and slipping it on Zuko’s wrist. When he’s done, he keeps his hands clasped over Zuko’s own, dark eyes locked with amber ones. The urge to confess is extremely strong, but Azarin pushes it down as quickly as it reared its head. When he speaks again, it’s softer and void of sarcasm. “I want you to have it because I want you to always remember I’m here for you. It’s you and me against the world, always.”

A small smile makes its way on Zuko’s lips and he holds up his wrist, admiring the bracelet for a moment. “Thank you, Azarin. I’m sorry for being such a jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: breathofthewxld


	6. trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin discovers something about himself.
> 
> chapter theme: no peace - sam smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vaguely follows the beginning of book one episode seven: the spirit world
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

_ “Do you like me, Rin?” _

_ Zuko’s back is turned to Azarin, who stands in shock at the bluntness of the question. Azula’s laughter echoes in the background. _

_ “ZaZa likes ZuZu! ZaZa likes ZuZu!” She mocks them both from the darkness, her blue flames surrounding Zuko. _

_ Azarin reaches out for Zuko but his hand can’t quite make the distance. He keeps trying, and it seems like Zuko is farther and farther away the harder he tries. _

_ “I asked you a question, Azarin,” Zuko’s voice is low, and a little frightening if Azarin is being honest. The sound of it sends chills down his spine. “Do you like me?” _

_ “I...I don’t know…” _

_ Swiftly, Zuko turns around, cloak spreading out around him. When Azarin finally sees him, it isn’t Zuko. It’s Ozai, with Zuko’s burn scar across his eye.  _

_ “Do you like me  _ **_now_ ** _ , Azarin?” _

Azarin wakes up abruptly, sweat pouring from his skin. His vision is blurry and he rubs his eyes, seeing a human-shaped figure in the room and panicking. He stills when he sees it’s Iroh.

“You were calling out for Zuko in your sleep,” the old man says, with warm but knowing eyes. “Lucky for you, he is training with the guards.”

Azarin sits up, blanket falling from his bare and burned chest. He looks at Iroh, confused. How did he know about… “I think it was just a nightmare.” He tries to play it off like he isn't even  _ more  _ panicked than when he first woke up, but his heart is beating so hard that he’s pretty sure Iroh can see it in his chest.

Smiling, Iroh stands from the chair he’s in and hands Azarin a cup of hot tea. “Sure, yes, just a nightmare. I would agree, but it’s difficult for me to believe.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Azarin responds sharply, sipping the ginseng tea in his hand. He isn’t talking about this, not when Zuko or a guard could walk by at any moment and overhear. If there’s  _ any  _ slight chance that his father found out he was talking about it, Azarin is going to avoid it.

There’s a small, knowing pause between them as they both drink their tea. Iroh looks a little sad, or empathetic, Azarin can’t tell. “I know you are scared, Azarin. Even I am not sure how Zuko would react, but this secret you’re keeping is beginning to eat at your spirit, and I don’t think it will stop until you resolve it within yourself.”

Azarin can’t stop the anger that builds inside him. Iroh has  _ no idea _ what he’s talking about, he doesn’t know how Azarin feels and he certainly doesn’t know what is or isn’t eating at his spirit. He must think highly of himself to come into someone’s room and start telling them how they feel, trying to force them into talking about themselves. Azarin finishes his tea, then lights the cup in his hand on fire, then watches as it burns into ash and falls on the bed.

“I appreciate the concern, Iroh, but I’m fine. Like I said, I don't know what you’re talking about.” Before Iroh can respond, Azarin is on his feet and leaning down to Iroh’s eye level, lowering his voice. A side effect of his frustration, flames spill from his mouth as he speaks. “But even if I  _ did _ , I don’t think it would be your place to comment on the people someone else chooses to care about.”

“I think you misunderstand me, Az—”

“I understand  _ perfectly _ ,” Azarin cuts him off. “And if you say a  _ word  _ about this to Zuko, you’ll regret it.” He walks out without giving Iroh time to respond. He doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t want Iroh to break him down and force him into vulnerability like he always does with Zuko. He  _ isn’t _ Azarin’s uncle, and Azarin doesn’t have to deal with it if he chooses not to.

“It’s about time you woke up,” Zuko shouts when he sees Azarin come up to the deck, although he doesn’t stop attacking the guards in front of him. “You’re becoming just as lazy as uncle.”

Azarin takes offense to that, immediately sending flames toward Zuko. “I can still take you down.”

Zuko grins, waving the guards away and raising his hands to attack. “Let’s see it, then.”

Azarin lunges forward, putting all his body weight into a forward flip and grabbing Zuko’s shoulder as he passes him to pull him back. He lands and immediately attacks with a stream of fire. Zuko is stumbling but gains his balance enough to jump over Azarin’s attack, countering it with his own. Focusing on Zuko’s stance, Azarin finds a weak spot and sends his foot into the prince’s side, but apparently Zuko has had enough training now that a kick in the ribs barely phased him. He gets a grip on Azarin’s ankle and flips him; Azarin falls on his back hard, but jumps back up immediately, panting for breath from having the wind knocked out of him.

“You’ve gotten better,” he says, taking a deep breath but not taking his eyes off Zuko. “But I won’t be taking it easy on you anymore.” Azarin finishes his sentence with back to back fire blasts, not stopping until Zuko is too far away to aim at. He dodges a strike or two, then runs directly at Zuko with fire blades extending from his hands.

The two of them fight at close range, Zuko with flaming feet and Azarin with his blades. Zuko manages to kick back Azarin just before his skin makes contact with fire, and Azarin takes the opportunity to build up his energy, releasing it directly at Zuko from a dangerously close range.

Zuko’s eyes are wide as he barely dodges it. “That was  _ way _ too close, what are you doing?!” Azarin ignores him. More fire is sent toward Zuko, relentlessly, as he jumps out of the way over and over. Azarin is hyper-focused, his breathing level, even as Zuko continues to shout at him. “Azarin,  _ stop _ ! You’re going to burn me!  _ AZARIN _ !”

Directly after his next attack, Azarin is knocked down by something — or some _ one _ — and hits the deck of the ship hard. He groans in pain and looks up to see Iroh standing over him, stern look on his face, and Zuko nowhere to be seen. He then hears a loud splash from the water below; Azarin had knocked Zuko off the side of the ship.

He stares at Iroh, mouth gaping, stuttering. “I’m so sorry...I—I have no idea what happened…”

“Do not apologize to  _ me _ ,” Iroh responds as he holds out his hand to help Azarin up. He takes it, back aching in pain as he gets to his feet. “Prince Zuko will not be happy with you when he gets back on the ship. I’m going to play Pai Sho with the helmsman.”

Azarin is still in shock as Iroh walks away. He really doesn’t know what came over him...he very well could have burned Zuko. Zuko told him to stop, and it was like Azarin didn’t even hear him. He had been so filled with uncontrollable anger that he forgot who he was fighting, he forgot that Zuko is important to him...Zuko is  _ the most _ important thing to him, and Azarin forgot that.

Why?

“Where is he?  _ Where’s  _ Azarin?” Zuko sounds furious. Azarin turns around to find the prince soaking wet, being pulled up onto the ship by guards. When he sees Azarin, he runs to him and grabs a fist full of the other’s shirt, pulling him close. “You could have  _ killed  _ me! What the hell is your problem?!”

Azarin is frozen in place, eyes wide and heart beating incredibly fast from Zuko’s sudden proximity. He hates himself for the way his body reacts when Zuko is too close to him, so he tries his absolute hardest to push it away. “I don’t know,” Azarin finally responds, voice quiet and apologetic. “I’m sorry, Zuko…”

“You better be.” Narrowing his eyes, Zuko lets go of Azarin, shoving the other boy back harshly. He walks away and Azarin sighs in relief, hands gripping the side of the ship to keep himself from falling.

_ What  _ just happened?

  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin vividly remembers the first time he ever kissed a boy.

He was thirteen. Ursa had taken them to see a play on one of their family trips to Ember Island. Azula hated it, even as an eleven year old she hated  _ anything  _ fun, but Azarin and Zuko had a great time and even met some boys that wanted to come spend time with them the next day. Azarin remembers being excited to have more friends.

Lee and Ru were brothers, and they assumed Azarin and Zuko were too. Zuko had no problem with this association, in fact he had found it an incredible compliment to his and Azarin’s bond, but for Azarin himself it just confirmed that he should hate himself for how he felt about Zuko. They were brothers, and nothing more than that would ever be true.

“Hey Zuko, come show me that firebending move you were talking about!” Lee dragged Zuko out to the beach and the two looked good out there, Azarin thought.

While Azarin was watching, Ru moved a little closer to him on the steps. “Are you as good of a firebender as your brother?”

“Zuko isn’t my brother,” Azarin had said. For some reason that clarification had been necessary. “His family takes care of me because my dad is in the Navy. And we’re both good benders.”

There was a short pause between them. Azarin felt Ru move even closer to him.

“Hey Azarin, I think you’re really handsome.”

Azarin’s head snapped over quickly to look at Ru. He couldn’t believe what he had heard. “Wh-what do you mean?”

Ru shrugged, his eyes looked over Azarin in admiration. “You’re just really cute. Is that bad?”

Azarin stood up and grabbed Ru by the arm, pulling him back into the house and into his own room. He locked the door and closed the window coverings. When he turned back to Ru, the other boy looked at him in complete confusion.

He hadn’t thought his actions through really, so he tried to make sense of them the best he could. “Please don’t talk about things like that where Zuko can hear.”

“Things like what? Compliments?”

“No,” Azarin shook his head. He remembers feeling tears behind his eyes, his heart beating hard. “Calling boys cute or handsome.”

Ru still looked confused. “I don’t understand, Azarin. You talked about the play actor like he was the cutest thing ever, so I just thought…” He let out a sigh and started to walk past Azarin to the door. “I’m sorry. My mom tells me I shouldn’t just go around assuming other people are like me, even though she says I’m perfectly normal. You’re not gonna hurt me, are you? That’s what she says people may do if-”

Ru didn’t get to finish. Azarin had turned him around quickly, and kissed him. He didn’t know why then, and he still doesn’t know the exact reason. Maybe it was because he had never met another boy that also liked boys. Maybe it was because he wanted to know what it felt like to actually  _ enjoy  _ kissing someone. Whatever the reason, he had done it...and there was no taking it back.

It didn’t last too long because Azarin wasn’t experienced and didn’t want to make a fool of himself. Even though it had been  _ worlds _ better than kissing Azula, it still felt wrong in some way. Azarin felt wrong if it wasn’t Zuko.

“Cute, handsome, royal,  _ and _ a good kisser...Azarin, I think I love you,” Ru smiled. Azarin tried to return it.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed this,” Azarin pulls back the neck of his shirt, revealing his freshly healed burn scar.

“I didn’t wanna ask...I thought maybe Zuko did it accidentally…”

Azarin shook his head and sat on the floor, Ru following. “My dad did it to me a few months ago. I told him I like...boys.” He had to stop himself from saying Zuko instead. “He said — he said he would kill me if I told anyone about being like this.”

Ru’s eyes were so wide, Azarin didn’t think he had eyelids anymore. “Have you told anyone?!”

“I  _ just _ kissed you…”

“But, like, anyone else?” Ru spoke quickly and frantically, like he was afraid of offending Azarin. “Because I won’t say anything, I mean I know we just met and I don’t even know who your dad is but I won’t say  _ anything _ to  _ anyone _ , I promise!”

Azarin couldn’t help but smile a little. “Thank you, Ru…”

“Does Zuko know? You seemed really upset when you thought he might hear me complimenting you...since he’s not your brother, is he your boyfriend?”

If only he was.

Azarin shook his head, still fighting tears. “H-He doesn’t. If he knew, he would have to know he’s the one that made me even r-realize I’m like this in the first place…”

The realization on Ru’s face was instant, but so was the hurt. Azarin didn’t like hurting people. “Oh...so you like Zuko…”

Azarin took Ru’s hands into his own, squeezing them. “I’ve always liked Zuko, but he’s the only boy I’m ever around. It doesn’t have to always be him…” Even when he said it, it felt wrong. Anything or anyone but Zuko felt wrong.

They kissed again, but this time Azarin couldn’t hold back his tears. Not only was he risking his father finding out about this, but it didn’t even feel right because it wasn’t Zuko. He was risking his life for someone that wasn’t Zuko.

Azarin pulled away, stood up, and ran out of the room, gasping for breath as he gripped his neck and felt the scars there. Uncontrollable tears fell from his eyes and he remembers Ru coming out to say something, but he doesn’t remember what. All he remembers is feeling a deep hatred for himself.

“Get out,” he managed to say, roughly. Ru doesn’t listen. His hands were on Azarin’s back and he was saying soothing words, but Azarin can’t process. He felt sick, he was starting to shake with anger. “I said get  _ OUT _ !”

When Azarin’s hands lit on fire and sent flames around the two of them, Ru finally got the message. He left quickly, and Azarin dropped to the floor with a shooting pain in his chest and neck. He couldn’t control the fire shooting from his hands and feet but soon there were gentle arms embracing him, and Ursa’s voice in his ears. That was the last thing he remembered before he woke up the next day with a searing headache.

The memory has been replaying in Azarin’s head all day. He knows there’s a connection to what happened that morning, but he can’t place what exactly it is. He wants so desperately to understand but it’s difficult with so many other things going on, and Azarin can’t bring himself to confront his feelings on what happened with Iroh. He doesn’t want to deal with it, he just wants Zuko to not hate him.

  
  
  
  
  


The next few days are spent chasing the Avatar’s trail. Zuko doesn’t speak to Azarin, but Azarin doesn’t expect him to. He had lost control of himself and didn’t know why, and Zuko had been caught in the crossfire. Azarin felt terrible, but there isn’t much more that he can do to make up for it. He just has to wait for Zuko to calm down, or wait for an opportunity where Zuko needs him for something. Either way, he knew it would be a while before things get back to normal.

Azarin hasn’t been able to sleep; he fears that he’ll keep having nightmares and call out for Zuko without realizing it. He doesn’t need to make himself look even more like an idiot to Zuko, but the exhaustion is beginning to take a toll on him. Azarin spends most of his time in his room reading books, falling asleep for short periods of time but forcing himself awake as soon as he can. He’s barely coherent at meals and even if Zuko  _ wanted _ to train with him, he knows he would get hurt. He isn’t alert enough to fight or defend himself, but  _ anything _ is better than Zuko asking him why he’s having dreams about him. Anything.

They stop along the edge of the Earth Kingdom to bathe in fresh water and hunt for meat, since the closest Fire Nation port is nowhere near them. Iroh finds a few open hot springs to relax in while Zuko takes the river nearby. Azarin isn’t sure what he wants to do, mainly because he can’t think from how tired he is, but eventually he chooses to follow Iroh. Apologizing for being so rude to him might make Azarin feel better, right?

When he finds Iroh, Azarin hangs his fresh clothes on a nearby tree. The silence around them is almost deafening until Iroh clears his throat from the pool he’s in. Azarin turns around sharply. “Did you say something?”

Iroh shakes his head. “I didn’t, but do  _ you _ have something to say?”

Azarin’s eyes can’t focus on Iroh from being so tired. He moves a little closer and rubs his eyes with the backs of his hands. “I mean, maybe…” He decides to get in one of the hot spring pools directly behind Iroh, mainly because he doesn’t feel like undressing in front of an old man, but also because he doesn’t feel like _sharing_ _a bath_ with an old man. The water isn’t exactly _hot_ , which has Azarin confused. “Hey, how is yours all boily-bubbly and mine isn’t?”

“I heated it myself,” Iroh responds with a smile. “They were more like lukewarm springs before.”

Nodding, Azarin sinks his hands into the water and sends out as much fire as he can; when the water heats up nicely, he leans back and closes his eyes, grinning. “That’s  _ really _ nice…” The water is so relaxing that Azarin is nodding off almost immediately.

Iroh’s voice brings him back. “Have you spoken to Zuko? I can tell he misses you, he has been much more grumpy and hot-headed than usual.”

“I haven’t…” Azarin takes some water and splashes it onto his face, trying to keep himself awake. “He won’t talk to me.”

“Such a shame when friends fight.”

Azarin hums in agreement, eyes closing despite his efforts to keep them open. He doesn’t fall asleep this time, though, only lets out a large breath. “Uncle, I’m so sorry about what happened the other day...so  _ so _ sorry. I truly have no idea why I acted that way, or did those things. It’s not me.” Maybe it was how exhausted he was, but Azarin thinks he’s being just a bit  _ too _ honest.

Regardless, he can sense Iroh smiling somehow. “I know it isn’t you, Azarin.”

“Really?” Azarin opens his eyes, sitting up and looking down at Iroh, who turns around and shrugs.

“We have only spent every day of the last two years together. I like to think Prince Zuko isn’t the  _ only _ person you’re close to on the ship.”

Smiling, Azarin nods. “I like to think so, too.”

There’s another silence between them while Iroh heats his pool again, causing much more steam to lift into the air. Azarin feels so much better after apologizing that he finds himself drifting off again…

“I think I have to say I’m sorry too, Azarin,” Iroh says, waking up Azarin for the second time. The boy sits up again and tries his best to pay attention. “You have much more damage inside you than I once believed. It was not my place to try and force you to talk about it. I suppose my aim was to try to make you feel safe in talking to me, but I gained the opposite effect. You shut down and acted out. I am sorry that I hurt you enough to cause those actions in you.”

Azarin now realizes the reason he reacted the way he did. He knows why he can’t stop thinking about what happened with Ru, why he always backs down when any opportunity to tell Zuko how he feels arises.

“I think I’m ready to talk about it…” Azarin starts, but Iroh shakes his head and waves his hand dismissively.

“Do not do it only to appease me. You can take your time.”

Azarin moves forward in the pool of water, leaning over the edge a little to get closer to Iroh. “No, it’s okay. I really do want to...I think I just realized something important.” His hair falls in his face for a moment and Azarin pushes it back up to see Iroh watching him expectantly. He sits back in the pool again, gathering his thoughts together, trying not to start shaking at the thought of talking about it. “My father didn’t give me this scar because I raised my voice to him. He burned me because I told him I liked Zuko. He burned me and told me if I talked about it with anyone else, he would banish me from the palace and have me ‘live among the dogs’ with my mother...but my mother is dead. So what else could he mean by that?”

The sadness in Iroh’s eyes is gravely apparent as he responds. “He meant that he would kill you.”

“Exactly,” Azarin nods. He can feel something in his chest begging him to stop, willing him to shut his mouth because this isn’t something he should be talking about. He tries so hard to ignore it, but it comes out in the form of thick tears. “I think...I think I react that way because deep down...I’m afraid he’ll show up and kill me. It’s clearly obvious to every adult that’s around Zuko and I for an extended period of time that I like him...but when I have to talk about it, I shut down and get angry. I get so angry that I don’t have control over my actions...I become a different person.” Azarin’s head falls into his hands and he grips his dark hair tightly, lowering his voice to a whisper. “I don’t like it, Iroh. I want to change. I want it to stop.”

Iroh hums in the way he does when he’s pondering. It’s a comforting sound for Azarin at this point. “You are very brave for talking about this. I think you will overcome it, Azarin, but first you must look within yourself and decide if you want to let it out, especially to Zuko himself. As I said before...I can tell it is eating at your spirit. It will come out eventually; would you like for it to come out at the right time, when  _ you _ are in control, or at the wrong time when no one is in control?”

Azarin isn’t really sure what he means, but he knows Iroh has some kind of a point here. “When would something happen where no one is in control of it?”

“Aren’t you afraid your father will use it against you, that he will use  _ Zuko _ against you?”

Azarin’s blood runs cold and he stares ahead of him, blankly. “He already has.”

Iroh hums again. “I knew the moment Zhao walked back into the tent behind you that he had threatened Zuko. What happens when we run into him again and he threatens Zuko? What will happen when you get so angry with your father that you tell Zuko how you feel with your actions alone?” When Azarin doesn’t respond, Iroh continues. “It is better that you tell him yourself, than for him to find out through Zhao. I know my nephew, and if he thinks you have been keeping a secret from him...no matter what it is, he will feel betrayed. For the sake of your friendship — and your own sanity — it is best that you tell him, even if the result isn’t what you hoped.”

He knows Iroh is right. Iroh is  _ always _ right. Azarin just doesn’t like the idea of telling Zuko. He  _ wants _ to, he wants to let it out and finally be free of the burdening secret...but he can’t. His entire body is telling him that he can’t do it; he’s shaking and crying and  _ so _ cold even though the water around him is scorching hot. He doesn’t like being like this, but he now knows the only way out is confessing.

Azarin has absolutely no idea what he’s going to do.

“Uncle! Azarin!” Zuko’s voice overpowers anything in Azarin’s mind the moment he hears it. He wipes away his tears and adds more heat to his water to create a steam curtain. There is no way in hell Azarin is letting Zuko see him like this. “It’s time to leave! Where  _ are _ you two?! Uncle Iroh!”

“Over here, Prince Zuko!” Iroh calls, and not a moment later Zuko pushes through the trees, rolling his eyes when he sees the two of them.

“We need to move on,” Zuko says, sternly. “We’re definitely closing in on the Avatar’s trail and I don’t want to lose him.”

Azarin sighs a little sarcastically, trying to get back into himself. “Enough about Aang, come relax your muscles. You’ve gotta be sore from all the pointless training you do.”

He’s not shocked at all when Zuko shoots a fireball at him. “Why don’t you come out of that bath and I’ll show you  _ just _ how pointless it is.”

Azarin doesn’t want to fight Zuko again, but for some reason making the prince mad is making  _ him _ feel better, because at least Zuko is talking to him, right? “Calm down, Zuko,” he says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Wouldn’t want you falling into the sea again.”

With an indignant shout, Zuko fires an attack toward Azarin, but Iroh blocks it from his seat inside his pool. “Boys! There is no sense in fighting amongst ourselves.”

“But he started—” Zuko begins to argue. Azarin cuts him off by standing up, causing Zuko to cover his eyes dramatically even though the steam was definitely covering everything. “Rin, ugh! Both of you just...be back in another half hour or I’m leaving without you.”

“Don’t burn the trees down on the way back!” Azarin calls after Zuko, who’s fists burst into flames shortly after. Azarin can’t help but laugh a little as he steps out of his bath and begins to dry off. He loves messing with Zuko...it makes him feel normal again.

Iroh is chuckling, but doesn’t get up. “You will cause my nephew to combust one day.”

“Hey, he didn’t ignore me. That’s a step in the right direction, right?” Azarin gets dressed quickly, heading the direction Zuko had gone. “Don’t be late, uncle. I’m pretty sure Zuko  _ will _ leave you with how pissed off he is.”

Iroh leans back into his seat, heating the water around him. “I’m just going to shut my eyes for a moment and enjoy some solitude from teenage shenanigans.”

Azarin waves at him, but stops. He runs back to Iroh, hugging the wet man tightly. “Thank you. For everything.” Not even twenty minutes ago, Azarin had been crying his eyes out, afraid of his own actions. Now he was off to bother Zuko again, just like he always does. Without Iroh he would still be a mess.

  
It’s weird how Iroh is literally  _ always _ right, but Azarin wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments.....they keep me breathing...


	7. determined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin begins to realize how different he and zuko are.
> 
> chapter theme: i walk the line - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book one episode eight: avatar roku
> 
> thank you to everyone who's reading and leaving comments!! i appreciate all of you so so so much.
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Zuko!” Azarin is rushing up to the deck of the ship, pulling on whatever he had found in his room to cover his chest. He doesn’t even have shoes on; he had been woken up from a nap by the ship jerking into a speed it was  _ not _ meant to pass. He’d interrogated one of the guards and found out Zuko is, of course, chasing the Avatar, but he’s also heading directly into Fire Nation waters where he and Azarin both could be arrested. Of all the stupid things Zuko has done to capture Aang, this is definitely the worst of them all. “Are you  _ insane _ ? You’re heading  _ straight _ into the fucking Fire Nation?! Is Aang worth both of us getting thrown in prison? The other day we had to rescue uncle from Earth Kingdom police and now he’ll have to rescue  _ us _ from our own people!”

“Actually, Azarin, I do believe I will have to rescue you from your father. Look,” Iroh points ahead, but all Azarin can see is a thin black line on the horizon. Frustrated, he storms to Zuko, snatching the telescope from the prince’s hands and looking through it.

Sure enough, guarding the edge of the Fire Nation waters is a Fire Navy Blockade...which is most likely led by Commander Zhao. Azarin turns back around and stands in front of Zuko, eyes sharp, the smallest seed of anger growing within him. “You couldn’t have followed them a different way? We could have snuck in a way that isn’t putting us  _ directly _ into my father’s hands.”

Zuko holds his ground, standing up a little as if to make himself taller than Azarin. It doesn’t work. “There was no other way. Now give me back my telescope.”

Scoffing incredulously, Azarin shoves the thing into Zuko’s chest. “You’re gonna get us killed, Zuko.  _ Don’t _ do this.” Azarin knows Zuko is crazy and obsessed with the notion of getting his honor back, but this is just insane on all levels. If Aang is going to the Fire Nation for something, he’s risking his own life as well as Katara and Sokka’s; it must be important. He has to come back out at some point...the boy is actually incredibly good at evading capture. Azarin knows this is a suicide mission for Zuko, though, which is why waiting for Aang to come back out would be their best course of action. Zuko will never listen to that, though.

“I’m chasing the Avatar!” Zuko argues, sounding incredibly frustrated. “My father will understand why I’m returning home.”

“ _ Your _ father, Zuko.  _ Yours _ , maybe. But your father isn’t the one on one of those warships waiting to capture and torture his banished son.” Azarin looks past Zuko to Iroh, pleading with his eyes for some help in getting through Zuko’s thick skull.

Iroh takes a few steps forward. “Both of you give the Fire Lord too much credit. My brother is  _ not _ the understanding type.”

“Neither of you are going to stand in my way while I capture the Avatar. You can either help me, or stay in your rooms.” Zuko turns around to address the helmsman, pointing in the sky toward the Avatar and his friends on their bison. “Helmsman! Full steam ahead!”

Azarin doesn’t know whether he wants to scream or cry. Possibly both. Zuko has absolutely no regard for anyone or anything other than his own insane obsession with his honor. Azarin is getting absolutely sick of it and he doesn’t know how Iroh is able to put up with it without getting the slightest bit angry or upset at all. He has an unending amount of patience, far more than Azarin has or ever will have.

If Zuko isn’t going to change his mind, then Azarin has no choice but to support him. He refuses to sit in his room sulking while Zuko is getting himself into trouble, so after a quick visit to his room to put on proper clothing, Azarin heads back up to the deck to find the ship’s catapult there. The smell of it hits him first, almost knocking him back down the stairs. It’s only after Zuko has launched the ball of fire that he realizes Zuko is trying to shoot down the bison.

“If you keep shooting, you’ll kill them before you ever get the chance to actually capture them,” Azarin says, after walking to stand behind Zuko.

The prince looks over his shoulder for just a moment. “I know what I’m doing. If you’re going to criticize how I run my ship, you can go back to your room.” Zuko sounds so sure of himself, but not  _ like _ himself. Azarin doesn’t think now is the time to point it out, but he’ll definitely remember the observation.

Trying his hardest to support his friend, Azarin puts a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, squeezing it a little. “I’m here to fight with you. No matter what.”

It looks like Zuko goes to say something in response, but he’s interjected by several of the Fire Navy’s fireballs landing in the water all around them, rocking the ship and sending water onto the deck. Azarin holds onto Zuko’s shoulder and arm for support, and not a moment later another ball of fire comes soaring over them, this time actually hitting the back of the ship. Both Zuko and Azarin fall, but Azarin catches himself on the catapult next to them and quickly grabs Zuko’s wrist before his head hits the hard metal of the deck.

When he pulls Zuko back to his feet, he glares out at the blockade. “How much do you wanna bet that one came from Zhao himself?”

“I’d bet my life on it,” Zuko responds almost immediately. The engine operator then runs onto the deck, looking frantic, informing them that the engines are damaged and they need to stop to make repairs. Azarin knows Zuko’s response before he even utters the words. “Do  _ not _ stop this ship!”

Azarin pulls Zuko by his arm to face him. “Zuko, we’re going to run  _ directly _ into the blockade and if our engines are damaged, we won’t be able to outrun my father. That’s if we can even make it past the ships.”

“We’re on a collision course!” Iroh is yelling from behind them, pointing up ahead. Two ships directly ahead of them were closing in together, to prevent them from passing.

Azarin turns back to Zuko, eyes pleading, fingers gripping the prince’s arm. “ _ Please _ Zuko, you’re going to kill us…”

Zuko lets out a prideful snarl, shoving Azarin away from him. “We can make it,” he says, glaring a hole into Azarin’s eyes. “I thought you were fighting with me no matter what?”

“That shouldn’t have to include  _ dying _ with you, Zuko!” Azarin actually can’t believe Zuko is acting this crazy, he knows Aang will hide in time to avoid them, so he thinks Zuko knows the same thing. Apparently, they think in extremely different ways, and Azarin is finding that out slowly, but surely.

Zuko ignores him, which isn’t shocking at all, but what  _ is _ shocking is Zhao stopping his ships to let them pass through. While they’re within eyesight of Commander Zhao, Azarin can’t stop himself from clenching his fists and lighting them on fire. The rage he feels just  _ looking _ at his father is enough to make him want to fight, but he feels a hand on his shoulder, looking over to see Iroh.

“Don’t let him control your emotions, Azarin. You have already fought and beaten him once; he does not deserve your attention.” Somehow, Iroh’s words actually calm Azarin down. He puts the flames out on his fists and smiles at the old man, who returns it. “I do wonder why he is letting us pass, though. We can’t trust it.”

Azarin knows something is wrong with this. He shakes his head, the realization striking him quickly. “He’s going to follow the smoke from our engines and arrest us  _ after _ we’ve led him to Aang. Why am I not surprised, he always takes other people’s work and claims it as his own.”

Iroh hums in agreement, nodding as he strokes his beard. “I believe you are right, so I must advise the two of you to escape on the riverboat. I will distract him and—”

“No!” Zuko cuts off his uncle, punching the side of the ship in frustration. “If he wants to follow our cloud of smoke, we’ll let him. Azarin and I  _ will _ leave on the riverboat, but we’ll be following the Avatar while you take the ship into the Fire Nation for repairs, uncle.”

Azarin runs his hands over his face, exhausted from the mental workout being around Zuko gives him. “If we can avoid my father at all costs, then I’ll do whatever possible to  _ end _ this day. I need a huge cup of tea.”

At that, Iroh’s eyes light up. “I will go put on a pot!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Following Aang and his friends isn’t a short trip. It’s hours of Zuko watching them intently, adjusting course, speeding up to avoid being seen, repeat cycle. Azarin has grown bored and wonders if Aang is just flying into nowhere to throw them off, but Zuko insists the Avatar wouldn’t go into the Fire Nation without purpose. Azarin has to agree.

Azarin brings some of Iroh’s tea along, a quite potent ginseng blend that has him feeling pretty energized after an hour or two. After a long period of just sitting on the opposite end of the ship, Azarin gets up and heats a fresh cup of tea, heading to where Zuko stood on the helm. He taps the prince on the shoulder, smiling when Zuko turns around. “You’ll need some energy if we’re gonna be taking on Aang and his friends by ourselves. Uncle made it strong.”

With a roll of his eyes, Zuko takes the steaming cup and blows on the hot liquid before taking a sip. “Tea doesn’t fix everything like you and uncle think.”

Azarin laughs just a little, placing his hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “I don’t think it fixes everything. It’s just nice to have a cup of tea when you’re stressed, and it comes in so many useful variations.” He’s surprised when he sees a smile grace Zuko’s lips...he can’t control what his hand does in response. His fingers graze the nape of Zuko’s neck and there’s something in his hand willing him to pull Zuko closer, but he uses everything in him to ignore it. He instinctively steps back once he realizes what he’s doing and feels a burning in his chest begin, but thankfully Zuko doesn’t notice.

“I guess you’re right,” the prince responds. His voice is a lot softer; Azarin wishes it were like this all the time. “Hopefully we don’t have to chase the Avatar for much longer. I know you’re bored.”

“Bored? With you around?  _ Never _ ,” Azarin says with a grin. He jumps back and sends a small stream of fire toward Zuko’s feet, who jumps to the side to avoid it while shooting flames toward Azarin in return. The tea is long forgotten.

Zuko swiftly moves behind Azarin while avoiding the other’s attacks. He links his arms through Azarin’s own, pulling him back a little, which strains his shoulders in a pretty awful way. Azarin hisses in pain, and he can almost  _ hear _ the smirk Zuko has when he speaks again. “We need a rematch. You won’t knock me off the side of the ship this time, I promise you.” His voice is low in Azarin’s ear and it’s a dangerous game Zuko is playing, but Azarin loves it. Being this close to Zuko is rare; Azarin feels a shock run through his body, their proximity to each other getting to his head.

Azarin lets out a strained breath, smiling. “Arrogant prince,” he says, jerking his arms to feel for any weak points in Zuko’s grip. When he finds it, he takes his opportunity and pulls one of his arms free, flipping his position with Zuko and shoving him into the wall of the control room on the boat. Azarin has both of Zuko’s hands in just one of his own, leaving his free hand to grip the back of Zuko’s neck, making sure the other couldn’t turn his head. He wouldn’t put it past Zuko to breathe fire at him just to get away. Azarin lowers his voice just as Zuko had, speaking next to the prince’s ear. “You’ll have to do better than that to beat me.”

Azarin lets go of Zuko, heart beating loudly in his ears from the adrenaline pumping through his body. It took  _ everything _ in him to avoid pressing his lips to Zuko’s skin...any part of it. He’s starting to crave Zuko’s touch more and more as time passes, which isn’t good, but Azarin is far too intoxicated on being alone with Zuko to care at the moment. He wants more.

When Zuko turns around he takes a bending stance, but it’s broken as he looks past Azarin to something in the distance. “Of  _ course _ , why didn’t I think of this?!” Zuko pushes past Azarin and steps up on the ledge of the ship, pointing to the outline of a rocky island up ahead. “The Avatar’s temple! He wants to go there to talk to Avatar Roku. Finally, this will be an easy capture. Remember visiting Roku’s Island  _ years _ ago? We already know the layout of the inside of the temple!”

Zuko is so excited that it makes Azarin smile, even if he’s disappointed that his alone time with the prince is now coming to an end. He knows they’re going to start fighting again. He can feel it, it always happens when they’re dealing with Aang, no matter how good of a day they have beforehand. Zuko is so headstrong when it comes to the Avatar and it drives Azarin insane; he hopes this time is different.

It’s nearing sunset when they dock on the crescent island, making sure to hide the boat behind the giant rocks on the shore in case Zhao stumbles upon them. They wait just a few minutes after they see Aang and his friends enter the temple, giving them time to start looking around and likely running into the Fire Sages. Azarin barely remembers this place but it comes back to him slowly...the giant stone black walls, Fire Nation insignias everywhere. He remembers stairs and secret passageways, which leads him to his next thought.

“What happens when we run into the Fire Sages?” Azarin asks Zuko, quietly, as they ascend their fourth set of steps. “They’ll remember us. We can’t exactly hide that we’re the banished prince and his equally banished best friend.”

Zuko shrugs. “They’re no longer loyal to the Avatar. If I explain to them that giving him to me will restore my honor, I’m sure they’ll understand. They just want to kill him anyway.”

Azarin doesn’t know what Zuko thinks his father will do with Aang if he ever gets him, but he’s certain that Zuko hasn’t thought that far ahead, either. It’s upsetting for Azarin to think that the person he cares about most in the world has no proper concept of right or wrong. Even still, he plans to be here for Zuko while the prince figures it out.

“Get down!” Zuko’s sharp whisper brings Azarin out of his thoughts. He drops to the cold stone of the steps, listening to the footsteps above that seemed familiar. Sure enough, he hears Katara and Sokka arguing with each other, Aang says something, then another voice intervenes and they’re gone. Zuko takes a hold of Azarin’s wrist and pulls him up, finishing the flight of stairs and heading down the hallway the voices had come from. It’s empty, and a dead end. “Ugh! Where did they go?!”

Azarin looks around, hands sliding across the walls surrounding them. “They had to have gone down a secret passage. Remember the Sages telling us about them being opened with firebending?” After hearing what Azarin says, Zuko looks like he has an idea, but Azarin isn’t prepared for him to send full fire blasts into the walls. The heat is scorching; Azarin pulls the prince’s arm back. “Not like that, genius. Honestly, where would you be without me?”

“If you don’t show me what you mean, I’ll be a lot closer to finding that out,” Zuko says all too seriously, and Azarin has to suppress a laugh. Will Zuko ever  _ not _ be dangerously hot-headed?

Azarin searches the walls for any sign of scorch marks that weren’t fresh from Zuko’s outburst. His eyes catch a black mark behind one of the candle holders mounted on the wall; he inspects it closer and finds the smallest of cracks behind it. “Here, look,” Azarin says, then pushes on the side of the mount. It moves to the side, revealing a hole with several decades of firebending scars around it. He places his hand on top of it and sends a stream of fire from his palm, which then moves the wall beside it, opening up to a passage with stairs leading down into darkness and heat. Azarin smiles back at Zuko. “Hidden in plain sight.”

“Where would I be without you, Rin?” Zuko pushes past Azarin, who rolls his eyes and follows.

Azarin has never gone up and down so many steps in his life, and he grew up in a palace. By the time they reach the top his legs are screaming at him, but they have to focus on the task at hand: getting to Aang.

Azarin remembers the Avatar Sanctuary doors, he remembers admiring how beautiful they were as well as being intrigued that it takes five firebenders but only one Avatar to open them. Apparently, Aang and his friends have tricked the Sages into opening the doors for them and Zuko sees this as his opportunity to strike. While the others have the Sages occupied, he and Zuko rush Aang before he can enter the Sanctuary. Zuko has him by the arms while Azarin protects him as they walk back toward the staircase in the floor.

“Aang, now’s your chance!” Katara calls, looking around. She sees Azarin just as he speaks.

“Aang’s a bit tied up at the moment. He’ll be coming with us, sorry to inconvenience you.”

The Sages take the moment of shock to turn the tables on them; Sokka, Katara, and the Sage that helped them are quickly overtaken, the Water Tribe teenagers chained to one of the giant columns in the hallway. Azarin is busy helping them while Zuko gets away with Aang.

“What was your name again? Azarin?” Sokka questions while Azarin is heating the chains enough to bend them into a locked position. “You seem like a pretty cool guy. Don’t you think it’s absolutely  _ crazy _ that your friend is constantly trying to kill us?”

Laughing to himself, Azarin tightens the chains around them a little, then locks them together. “If you think Zuko is the crazy one, you haven’t spent enough time with  _ me _ yet, twerp.” Just as he turns to walk away, he looks back to them, looking over Sokka for a moment. “You have pretty eyes, Sokka. Enjoy Fire Nation prison.”

“You think my eyes are pretty?! Katara, he thinks my--”

“ _ The guy that just chained us to a column _ thinks your eyes are pretty, Sokka, I heard.” Katara is not amused, but Azarin doesn’t intervene this time, only smiles. He begins walking back to the staircase just as Zuko yells at them to close the doors; Aang has yet again escaped Zuko’s clutches.

Reacting quickly, Azarin sends fire into one of the door’s slots, which begins closing slowly, but it doesn’t stop Aang at all. He just barely makes it into the room before the doors close, causing Zuko to let out a frustrated growl. A blinding light escapes from under the doors, sending Azarin back a few steps. He wonders what it was for only a moment before they’re all trying to get the doors open again. They keep trying, over and over, but it’s sealed for some reason. Azarin can feel the angry heat emanating from Zuko.

Azarin turns to one of the Sages, addressing him. “Does this normally happen?”

The man shakes his head. “It must have been the light. Avatar Roku doesn’t want us inside.”

“We have to keep trying!” Zuko shouts. “He can’t get away!”

“Zuko, it’s not going to work. If this is Roku’s temple and he doesn’t want anyone interrupting his time with Aang, then there’s nothing we can do.” Azarin tries to reason with Zuko and is surprised when the prince’s anger is actually redirected.

He turns to the Sage that had been helping Aang and his friends, hands tied behind his back and on his knees on the floor. “Why did you help the Avatar?”

“ Because it was once the Sages' duty. It is still our duty,” the man looks defeated, but Azarin admires him for some reason. He stood for what he thought was right, even if it meant going against everyone around him. He somehow sees himself there, kneeling before Zuko, the prince steaming with anger at something Azarin has done. He doesn’t want to think about it.

Before Azarin can get too lost in his thoughts, there’s a round of claps that comes from behind them. He turns to see his father, surrounded by troops, looking smug. Azarin tries not to react, but his whole body goes stiff, even if it isn’t visible.

“What a moving and heartfelt performance,” Zhao says, approaching slowly. “I’m certain the Fire Lord will understand when you explain why you betrayed him.” The Sages bow to Zhao, but Zuko and Azarin stay put. He raises a brow to them both. “Along with Prince Zuko and his lapdog. Three traitors in one day...the Fire Lord will be pleased.” Zhao’s soldiers apprehend Azarin and Zuko, who both struggle to get out of their grip. It takes two of them to properly tie up Azarin.

He’s breathing fire out of his nose from all the anger inside him, unable to control it. Azarin burns one of the soldiers, who knees him in the chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. He drops to the floor, coughing and panting for breath. He looks up at his father, eyes shooting daggers. “I’m your son. You’re going to send me to prison?”

“On the contrary,” Zhao states, proudly, as he steps to Azarin and leans down, grinning. “I’m sending the prince to prison. I have something  _ much _ worse planned for you, Azarin, don’t worry.”

Before Azarin can respond, Zuko is kicking a fireball at Zhao, who catches the boy’s foot midair. “Whatever you do to Azarin, I take too. Or are you too afraid to torture the Fire Lord’s son?” Zuko sounds determined, and Azarin would smile if he weren’t completely petrified of being murdered by his father soon.

“I can take both of you, but that isn’t my concern right now.” Zhao shoves Zuko to the ground, then stands up, smoothing down his uniform and placing his hands behind his back. “You will be detained on my ship until I deliver the Avatar to the Fire Lord.”

“You’re too late,” Zuko says, defiantly. “The Avatar is inside and the doors are sealed.”

Zhao laughs, and the sounds of it sends a chill down Azarin’s spine. “No matter. Sooner or later, he has to come  _ out _ .”

Zhao has his men chain Zuko and Azarin to a column, just like they had done with Katara and Sokka. The irony is not lost on Azarin, and he truly wishes he had stayed on the ship with Iroh at this point. He and Zuko both had thought the smoke trick would work but they underestimated Azarin’s father yet again...Azarin is getting really tired of being outsmarted by an abusive bully.

Zhao has his men line up across from the closed Sanctuary, instructing them to blast Aang with all the power they had when the doors open. Across from where Azarin and Zuko are chained together, Katara is staring at him. The look in her eyes is...pitiful? Empathetic? Azarin can’t tell, but he doesn’t want to find out. He doesn’t need her pity; she would try to take him down if they weren’t chained up, so Azarin doesn’t let it get to him.

He turns his attention to Zuko, nudging the prince in the side the best he can. “I say, when they unchain us to take us to the ship, we make a break for it.”

“Not without the Avatar,” Zuko whispers, pointedly. “We can take Zhao if we’re prepared for it. He took us by surprise earlier.”

Azarin sighs, defeated. Zuko will  _ not _ let go of capturing Aang, even when the two of them are about to be killed. Still, Azarin has to stand by Zuko. He’ll get himself in an incredible amount of trouble if not. “Fine. But if it goes south, we  _ leave _ immediately.”

The smirk on Zuko’s lips makes Azarin’s heart flutter.

When the Sanctuary doors finally start to open, Aang’s friends get anxious, and honestly so does Azarin. The kid doesn’t deserve to die or be held in prison for the rest of his life just because he’s the Avatar. If Zuko’s honor didn’t depend on the capture of Aang, Azarin would most likely be trying to help him escape Zhao’s clutches. But for now, he watches as thick smoke pours from the Sanctuary and Zhao’s troops bombard the Avatar with fire blasts. It doesn’t seem like it’s working at all though; the fire starts swirling around a tall figure with glowing eyes. When the smoke clears it reveals Avatar Roku instead of Aang, and just after the shock wears off Azarin notices the chains around himself, Zuko, Sokka, and Katara have disintegrated. He doesn’t know what the hell is happening, but he isn’t sticking around to find out, especially when the entire temple begins shaking and rumbling around them.

Azarin grabs Zuko’s hand quickly and pulls him toward the stairs in the floor, but Zuko pulls back. “I already told you I’m not leaving without the Avatar!”

“Zuko  _ please _ ,” Azarin begs, frustrated and scared and he just wishes Zuko would fucking  _ listen _ . “Do you really think you can  _ capture _ Avatar Roku?! Our best bet to even survive this is to run. Even if we managed to wait it out, we’d have to deal with Katara and Sokka too. Think about it, Zuko.”

Much to Azarin’s surprise, Zuko doesn’t respond. He takes Azarin’s hand again and they both run as fast as they can out of the temple, back to the riverboat. The temple tumbles to the ground as they start moving toward their ship in the distance, both of them watching intently. They don’t speak until they’re back on board the main ship; Iroh runs to them and hugs them both tightly.

“I thought you boys had met your fate in that temple,” he says, and Azarin can hear the tears he’s spilling.

Azarin smiles as he lets them go. “Never, uncle.”

“The Avatar might be dead. We have to chase his bison as quickly as possible.” Zuko is back to himself faster than Azarin can even think. “Did the engines get repaired? We need to get out of the Fire Nation.”

Iroh shakes his head. “The engines are repaired, Prince Zuko, but I think you should—”

“I  _ know _ what I should be doing and that’s capturing the Avatar! I almost had him this time until Zhao showed up!”

The prince storms off, and neither Azarin nor Iroh bother Zuko the rest of the night.


	8. new bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin spends some time with an unexpected friend.
> 
> chapter theme: bleeding out - imagine dragons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book one episode nine: the waterbending scroll
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Hey,” Azarin is leaning against the threshold of Zuko’s room, having silently been watching the prince meditate for about five minutes. All Zuko does when he hears Azarin is open an eye to look at him, then close it again while taking in a deep breath, causing the flames on the candles around him to surge with light. Azarin shakes his head, smiling as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Still not talking to me? Rude.”

Zuko drops his hands and opens his eyes only to glare at Azarin. “What do you want? I’m busy.”

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting your sitting in your room in silence session? I’ll leave,” Azarin knows being sarcastic will get Zuko angry. Maybe that’s exactly what he wants.

“ _ What do you want, _ Azarin?” Fire erupts from Zuko’s now clenched fists as he stands up.

While Zuko steps over the candles on the floor, Azarin steps forward, effectively putting them chest to chest when they meet. Azarin smiles. “Hi.” Zuko doesn’t say anything in response; it’s like he’s frozen in place in front of Azarin, who takes the opportunity to place his hands at Zuko’s hips. The way Zuko has to look up just slightly at Azarin makes him feel ten feet tall, but he likes it. He likes feeling bigger than Zuko, stronger than Zuko. “You okay?”

“I...I don’t know…” Zuko finally responds, as softly as possible. His hands travel smoothly up Azarin’s arms to rest at his shoulders. “You’re so...tall.”

Azarin smiles even wider and tries to pull Zuko closer, but it isn’t even possible. “Is that a bad thing?”

Zuko shakes his head, but doesn’t respond. His eyes are filled with curiosity, and something else that Azarin can’t place. Before he can say anything else, Zuko’s lips are pressed to his own, the prince’s arms wrapped around Azarin’s shoulders, fingers gripping into Azarin’s hair. It’s more incredible than Azarin could have ever imagined.

It deepens and Azarin isn’t sure who had done it, but it doesn’t matter. He continues to move his lips in rhythm with Zuko’s, and he doesn’t stop himself when his hands slide under the prince’s clothes to feel the warm skin on his back. Zuko lifts himself onto his toes, pushing forward, so Azarin relents and lets the other push him back toward the wall all while their lips never part.

When Azarin’s back hits the cold metal of the wall, his arms are suddenly empty and he opens his eyes. Zuko is standing in the center of the room again, completely engulfed in blue flames but not saying or doing anything...just standing there. It’s now that he remembers the flames on the candles around Zuko had been blue, they were blue the whole time. Azarin loses his mind, he feels like his entire soul is the thing that’s burning, not Zuko, but he can’t do anything about it. He’s frozen against the wall, unable to speak or scream or cry.

After a few more moments, someone steps from behind Zuko, and Azarin expects it to be Azula. It’s not.

“You did this,” Zhao says, while both hands are still spitting blue fire at Zuko. “ _ You killed him _ .”

  
  
  
  


Azarin wakes up in front of a Pai Sho table, heart beating insanely hard and fast, his head throbbing in pain. The ship doesn’t feel like it’s moving, so once he gathers himself he runs out of the control room and down to the deck, expecting Zuko to be there practicing. He isn’t.

Azarin grabs the first guard he sees and glares. “ _Where_ is Zuko?”

“He and General Iroh went into the port to look for a new lotus tile!” The man seems terrified, and Azarin lets him go. “You were asleep and General Iroh didn’t want to wake you.”

“Thanks...sorry if I scared you,” Azarin feels a little bad, but the man just bows to him and walks off.

He remembers what happened now that he isn’t hazy from the dream he had, or panicking that Zuko was taken by Zhao. Iroh realized he had lost his lotus tile halfway into a Pai Sho game with Azarin, and was taking an incredibly long time to use his turn. Azarin had fallen asleep, as it was so early in the morning, and he guesses Iroh had dragged Zuko into the port with him since Azarin was out for the count. Zuko must be losing his mind.

After pulling his hair up, Azarin makes his way down into the port to look for Zuko and Iroh. It doesn’t take him long; he sees the two a couple of hundred feet away on the dock, heading into what looks like a merchant ship. Azarin follows and taps a very disgruntled looking Zuko on the shoulder. “Having fun?”

“Look who decided to wake up from his nap and join us,” Zuko says, rolling his eyes and beginning to walk out of the ship. “You babysit uncle. I’m going back to training.”

“Don’t fall into the sea on your way back,” Azarin responds, grinning wide, and he catches Zuko’s foot before it collides with his chest. “Why is it always a kick to the chest? A better place to kick me would be—”

“ _ Goodbye _ , Azarin,” Zuko says before stepping out of the ship.

Laughing, Azarin turns to Iroh, who is inspecting a monkey statue with rubies for eyes. “Did you find your lotus tile, uncle?”

“No, but I found so many other things that I’m not as upset about the tile!” Iroh grins, then points to the monkey statue. “Wrap that up please, it will look wonderful in the galley!”

Before Azarin can say anything more to Iroh, someone enters the ship and begins talking to the merchant (that Azarin is slowly realizing is actually a pirate) about what sounds like some very familiar people.

“We lost the Water Tribe girl and the bald monk she was traveling with!”

“This monk,” Azarin starts, walking toward them both. “Did he have an arrow on his head?”

They stare at him in disbelief, and the captain narrows his eyes. “What’s it to ya?”

“He’s an enemy of the Fire Nation and must be captured. Did he steal from you?” Azarin doesn’t think Aang would steal, but there’s no telling what Sokka or Katara would do. Monks are pretty predictable from what he’s read about them, the Water Tribe not as much.

“Aye,” the captain says. “Not the monk, the girl stole a waterbending scroll.”

Azarin smiles then turns back to Iroh. “Katara needs bending instruction uncle, why don’t we go teach her?”

“Prince Zuko will be happy,” Iroh responds with a bow in tow. “He has something to return to her, I believe.”

“We’re not trusting the Fire Nation with our stolen goods, we’re coming with you!” The captain and his crew around them pull out their weapons, which makes Azarin roll his eyes, lighting his hands on fire.

“Let’s not get overzealous, hm?” He pushes the flames out further, causing the others to step back. Smiling, Azarin puts the fire on his hands out once they put away their weapons. “You can come with us, but if a mutiny happens just know you’re dealing with three of the Fire Nation’s best benders.”

The captain’s eyes scan Azarin for a moment, but he offers his hand to shake. “You’ve got a deal. We want our scroll back, and having firebenders on our side isn’t the  _ worst _ thing to happen.” Azarin shakes his hand, and with Iroh keeping pace beside him, they make their way back to the ship to get Zuko.

“I think you were very intimidating back there, Azarin,” Iroh says, while they’re ascending the ship’s ramp. “Much like my nephew, but a lot less yelling.”

Azarin lets out a laugh and wraps an arm around Iroh’s shoulders. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not, uncle.”

“It is. Prince Zuko is not very level-headed, and you are. Together, you both can accomplish anything you wish.”

“Anything, huh?” Azarin sighs. What he wants and what Zuko wants seem to always be two completely different things.

Zuko, Azarin, Iroh, and a few of their best benders pile onto the riverboat to follow the pirates in tracking Katara upriver. Zuko had been all too excited when Azarin told him they had a lead on Aang, but Azarin isn’t nearly as ecstatic. He may have the capability to be intimidating, powerful, and maybe even a little scary, but that definitely doesn’t mean he wants to be that way constantly. It isn’t him, he doesn’t want to be his father. Azarin can’t say the same for Zuko.

It’s nightfall before they find anything; they hear rustling in the bushes and anchor the boats to search the trees. The pirates find her first, but she bends her way out of their clutches and somehow directly into Azarin’s chest, who grabs her by the wrist.

“I’ll save you from the pirates,” he says, smirking as she struggles to get out of his grip.

Zuko steps around Azarin and points to a nearby tree. “Tie her up there, Azarin. We need to question her.” When Azarin goes to protest, Zuko leans closer to him and lowers his voice. “I have the scroll, we can make them do what we want.”

Azarin doesn’t like this at all, but he knows defying Zuko -- especially in front of Katara -- will only cause a fight that no one will win. He also thinks trying to double-cross pirates will yield the same results, but he isn’t up for more arguments with Zuko. Azarin takes the rope Zuko gives him and ties Katara’s hands together, then wraps the rope around her and the tree. She glares at him the entire time.

“Do you actually enjoy being Zuko’s lapdog? Seems like it to me.”

An angry sound escapes Azarin’s throat as he tightens the ropes around her; he has to keep himself from lighting them on fire, which makes him realize something. He quickly calms down and laughs a little. “Using my father’s words to get a rise out of me so I’ll end up burning off the ropes around you. Smart, but not quite smart  _ enough. _ ” He turns and walks away, but Katara apparently isn’t done with him yet.

“Seems like the Fire Nation theme is  _ like father like son. _ ”

Azarin moves faster than he can even register. He’s back in Katara’s face, spitting flames from his mouth. “I beat my father in a fight already, are you next Katara?”

She scoffs, eyes narrowed, speaking indignantly. “I’m  _ not _ scared of you.”

Azarin smirks, lighting his hand on fire and raising it to her eye level. “But sweetheart, you  _ should _ be.”

“ _ Azarin! _ ” Zuko calling him pulls Azarin out of whatever it is he’s in. He feels the prince pulling at his arm. “We can’t get any information out of her if she’s  _ dead _ , idiot.”

Azarin sends one last glare Katara’s way before standing straight and turning toward Zuko. “Right...sorry.” He moves to stand next to Iroh a few feet away, who nudges him in the side.

“Who knew Zuko would be the one holding  _ you _ back, hm?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Azarin says, letting out a sigh and watching Zuko interrogate Katara.

“Tell me where he is and I won’t hurt you and your brother.”

Katara is still seething, it seems. “You and your cronies go jump in the river!”

Azarin can’t stop himself from laughing, but he tries to hold it back the best he can. “Zuko, you  _ do _ have a bad habit of falling into water.”

Almost immediately, Zuko is bending fire in Azarin’s direction and yelling. “Now is  _ not _ the time, Azarin!” He turns back to Katara, voice softening to an almost endearing level...to Azarin, at least. “Try to understand...I need to capture him to restore something I’ve lost. My honor. Perhaps -- in exchange -- I can restore something  _ you’ve _ lost.”

Zuko pulls something from inside his sleeve and holds it up to Katara’s neck. It’s the betrothal necklace she always wears, but Azarin is wondering where and how Zuko got it. Either way, Katara seems extremely upset about it. “My mother’s necklace!  _ How _ did you get that?”

Azarin can sense how smug Zuko is even from several feet away. “I certainly didn’t steal it, if that’s what you’re wondering.  _ Tell me where he is. _ ”

Katara protests, very loudly, and the pirate captain gets extremely agitated very quickly. “Enough of this necklace garbage! You promised the scroll!” he snarls, to which Zuko pulls the scroll from behind him and lights a fire in his hand underneath it. The pirates collectively gasp.

“I wonder how much money this is worth...” Zuko says, the flame in his hand growing larger. The pirates act like he’s lighting their children on fire. Zuko grins devilishly. “A lot, apparently. Now you help me find what I want, you get this back, and everyone goes home happy. Search the woods for the boy and meet back here.”

Disgruntled, the pirates walk off, and Azarin is left hating himself for how attracted to Zuko he feels after watching what just happened. It’s extremely confusing, considering he doesn’t necessarily agree with Zuko’s actions and how he’s choosing to handle this situation, but he also can’t control his attraction to Zuko either. So he chooses to ignore it, hoping it fades as the night goes on.

Dawn comes quickly and Azarin finds himself nearly falling asleep as he sits with his back against the tree Katara is tied to, waiting for the pirates to come back with Aang. He’s been burning up rocks until they melt to pass the time, because Zuko got fed up with waiting and went to look himself, bringing Iroh with him. Azarin is left to watch Katara, so she doesn’t try any escape acts before they capture Aang.

“Getting sleepy, hm?” She questions, which actually wakes Azarin up pretty quickly. He shoves his elbow into her leg.

“You’re not getting out of this one until we have Aang, sorry,” Azarin responds while he stretches his arms out. He thumps the back of his head against the tree behind him a couple times; a feeble attempt to keep himself from falling asleep again. “I just wish Zuko would hurry the hell up.”

There’s a few moments of silence, and when Katara speaks again, it’s much less angry and smug. “Hey Azarin, I have a genuine question. I’m just curious...I’m not trying to interrogate you or anything.”

Azarin lets out a deep yawn, too tired to even argue with her or be sarcastic. “Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

“Well...we didn’t know you were Zhao’s son until the last time we ran into each other…” She starts off hesitant. Azarin can feel her squirming around underneath the ropes nervously. “Is there a reason you’re with Zuko instead of your father? It’s clear Zuko trusts you a lot more than anyone else...you’re never in a uniform and you wear the same types of clothing he does. Are you cousins or something?” She speaks a mile a minute but stops for a moment. “I’m sorry, I’m just really curious. We all are...you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. We’re enemies after all.”

Azarin actually finds this interesting, and he doesn’t mind talking about it, so long as Katara isn’t using it against him like she had a few hours ago. “I didn’t expect you to be this observant...nice job.” Azarin lets out a small laugh, then takes in a large breath, exhaling slowly. “You and I aren’t enemies though, Katara. As long as you’re not trying to throw my relationship with my father in my face, I have no issue with you.” He shifts his weight on the ground a little and shrugs even though Katara can’t see it. “I grew up with Zuko because my mother died when I was nine, and my father was able to get the royal family to take me in because of his loyalty to the Fire Nation military. We aren’t cousins, just really close friends. I left with Zuko because I’d do anything for him, and that includes traveling around the world to find the Avatar. I don’t necessarily agree with his methods, though.”

“So why do you still do it? Why not go back to the Fire Nation?”

Azarin isn’t expecting that to be her response at all. It throws him off a little. “I can’t. I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. The Fire Lord never even wanted me there, and after Zuko’s mom died…” He trails off, shaking his head. “It’s just not an option. The Fire Lord isn’t exactly the most understanding or sympathetic person.”

“You got that right,” Katara responds, sounding extremely sure of herself. “You know, Azarin, I think if your best friend wasn’t constantly trying to kill  _ my _ friends, we might get along.”

Smiling to himself, Azarin reaches back and pats Katara on the leg. “I think you might be right on that one. Oh,” he remembers something extremely important and stands to face Katara. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out her mother’s necklace and gently tucks it into her robe pocket. “I snatched it back from Zuko while he wasn’t looking. It wasn’t right of him to use that against you. I don’t even know where he got it, but I’ve read a lot about how important these are to the women of the Water Tribe, so I’m not going to let him use it as leverage anymore. I’m sorry he’s such a jerk sometimes.”

_ “Sometimes _ ?” Katara is actually smiling up at him, admiration — or something like it — in her eyes. “Thank you, Azarin...you have no idea how much that necklace means to me. I lost my mother, too.”

The look on her face almost breaks Azarin’s heart. He pulls up his sleeve, revealing his bracelet. “My mother made this for me a week before she died. I never take it off. So...yeah. I get it.” They look at each other for a moment before Katara shivers; it’s extremely cold out from the sun barely being up. “Let me make a fire. If they’re gonna take forever then the least I can do is make sure you don’t freeze to death.”

He gathers some broken sticks and forms them into a pile, then lights them on fire — except, nothing happens when he tries to shoot fire from his fingers. He tries again, and again, and begins to panic. What the hell happened to his bending?

“Is everything okay?” Katara asks, concerned. “Why isn’t your bending working?”

He looks up at her, mouth wide open, stuttering for words. “I...I have no idea. It’s never done this…” He tries again, and he’s lucky enough to get flames pulsing from his fingers. He uses it to light the fire in front of Katara’s feet, then steps back, nearly stumbling.

  
_ Why _ didn’t his bending work?


	9. loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin and zuko rescue aang.
> 
> chapter theme: fire - sleeping with sirens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: physical abuse, homophobia, torture
> 
> follows book one episode 13: the blue spirit
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Aang has a knack for slipping out of Zuko’s hands. He escaped from them even with the help of the pirates, and because of an unexpected storm they have now lost track of him yet again. Azarin honestly admires the kid, but Zuko grows more and more angry each day. It’s disheartening for Azarin, to say the least.

He’s spent most of his time that isn’t training with Zuko, playing games with Iroh or reading through the few books he managed to bring along with him when they left the Fire Nation. Azarin enjoys reading quite a bit, but usually never gets the time to dedicate to it anymore. If Zuko isn’t dragging him to practice their bending together, then they have a lead on Aang and have to exhaust themselves trying to capture him. Azarin loves spending time with Zuko, especially alone...but sometimes he just wants to be alone with his books, and thoughts.

If he’s being honest, Azarin has been pouring over his books any chance he gets to try and find anything on why a firebender’s abilities would just suddenly stop working. He doesn’t want to mention it to Iroh or Zuko yet, because it could very well be nothing. But the small chance that it  _ could _ be something, that there’s something about himself he doesn’t know, or that he might be losing his bending...it just isn’t worth the risk, and Azarin wants to find out what happened as soon as he can.

He’s skimming over his book on Fire Nation History when someone very rudely barges into his room. He assumes it’s Zuko, and he’s correct. “I’m busy. We can train later.”

“This isn’t about training,” Zuko says, sounding as frustrated as ever. “Your father has been promoted  _ again _ and he’s making it impossible for me to capture the Avatar.”

“What do you want  _ me _ to do about that?” Azarin lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes, but doesn’t look away from his book. “And what’s he been promoted to this time? King of the military? Is there even anything higher than Commander?”

Zuko steps to where Azarin lay on his bed and shoves the book down from his hands. “Admiral. He’s made finding the Avatar a top priority for the Fire Nation military.”

“Again,  _ what do you want me to do about that? _ ” Azarin makes sure to put as much sarcasm as he can muster into the question. “It’s not like I can just prance onto my father’s ship and say ‘daddy,  _ please _ stop hunting the Avatar so my best pal Zuko can find him instead!’ He would kill me on sight.”

“I’m not sure where you learned to be such a dick considering we grew up together, but I can tell you that it gets  _ very _ old  _ very _ fast,” Zuko sits on Azarin’s bed, letting out a breath and holding his face in his hands. “I don’t want a solution, Azarin. I just want my friend. Everything is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do.”

At this, Azarin sits up. He feels bad about how he was acting before and wonders why he didn’t read the signs Zuko was putting out when he had started talking in the first place. The prince wasn’t agitated or angry...he sounded defeated. It hurts Azarin to see Zuko like that.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” he starts, placing a reassuring hand on Zuko’s back gently. “We can find a way to get to Aang before he does. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

_ “How, _ Azarin? Zhao has the resources to block us from ever making port again if he wanted to...he could force us into being arrested just so we don’t starve to death. He has the entire Fire Nation Navy...the entire Fire Nation  _ military _ on his side!” When Zuko looks up at him, there’s the smallest of tears running down the scarred skin of his face. “We’re just a banished prince, a retired general, and his disowned son. We don’t stand a chance if pitted against him. My honor, my throne, my country...I’m about to lose them all.”

Zuko is  _ never _ this openly vulnerable, even with Azarin. He has to feel completely and utterly out of options, lost, and hopeless because of this. Azarin intends to change that; Zuko  _ will not _ feel this way because of Azarin’s father. He refuses to let that happen.

“I have a plan,” he says as he stands up. Zuko looks at him, confused. “We can’t tell uncle.”

  
  
  
  
  


Azarin truly wonders what the limit to what he will do for Zuko is. Considering he’s about to break into a Fire Nation prison fortress built in the Earth Kingdom for traitors of the Fire Lord, free the freshly captured Aang only to continue chasing him with Zuko...he thinks there isn’t really a limit to what he’d do for Zuko. He’s not sure if that’s loyalty, or stupidity.

They decide that Zuko will go in disguise, while Azarin will use the fact that he’s Zhao’s son as a way to get inside. He only hopes that Zhao himself doesn’t show up and ruin the plan. It’s not that Azarin can’t handle his father, it’s that if they get caught they’ll likely be locked up in the exact prison they’re trying to break into. The irony isn’t lost on him at all and Azarin thinks that he and Zuko get themselves into terribly ironic situations quite often.

They wait until nightfall, after they know for a fact Iroh is asleep. Zuko covers his face with a mask his mother had given to him before she disappeared, and he decides to use his swordsmanship instead of bending. If they see he’s a firebender, it would ruin everything outright. Zhao would know it’s Zuko...he isn’t stupid.

“Don’t  _ you _ look handsome,” he states when Zuko appears. Azarin had been getting one of the riverboats ready to launch. They were down to two ever since the pirates had run their third off a waterfall chasing Aang.

“You can’t even see my face.” Zuko steps into the boat, and Azarin looks pointedly at him. It takes the prince a few moments to get the joke, but when he does he shoots fire at Azarin. “I’m not  _ that _ ugly, stupid. You’re as tall as a tree.”

Azarin rolls his eyes as he sends fire into the mechanism that lets down the back of the ship into the water. “You’re not ugly at all, Zuko. Learn to take a joke.”

They descend into the water quietly, darkness overtaking the boat. Zuko sits on the metal of the deck, letting out a sigh. “Sorry...I guess I’m nervous. Are you sure this is going to work?”

“Not at all,” Azarin says, quite confidently. When Zuko falls back to lie down, defeated, Azarin laughs. “But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Even if we get captured, we can find a way out of that too. We’re unstoppable together, haven’t you heard?”

Zuko picks up a rock and throws it at Azarin, a small laugh escaping from behind the mask. “I hope you’re right.”

When they land, Zuko takes to the darkness of the trees around them and Azarin follows the path to the fortress. He catches up to a supply wagon, hoping the both of them can get in with them. At the gate, the guards are incredibly suspicious as they check the wagon.

“Who did you say you were again?”

“Admiral Zhao’s son. He wanted me here for a special mission regarding the Avatar.” Azarin hopes it’s convincing, because he’s standing in just the right way to hide Zuko moving from underneath the wagon to inside the back of it.

“Why did you come with the supply wagon, then?”

Azarin rolls his eyes a little dramatically and leans against the side of the wagon. “I didn’t. I got here the same time they did. I can’t have a conversation with some nice people?”

Another guard walks up from the gate and stands beside the one questioning Azarin. “I don’t trust it. Admiral Zhao has barely even mentioned he has a son. He would have told us if he invited the kid here for a mission.”

“Oh really?” Azarin steps forward once he realizes Zuko is securely in the wagon. He circles the guards, trying his best to channel as much intimidating energy as possible. “Are you willing to chance your life on that little whim of yours? If my father finds out you left his son outside the gate in the middle of the night, what do you think he’ll do?” He stops directly in front of the guard, eyes narrowed, waiting for an answer.

The man looks absolutely terrified behind his helmet. “Open the gate, let them through. Admiral Zhao’s office is mid-level, golden door.”

“That’s what I  _ thought _ you said,” Azarin responds, then steps past them both and into the first gate of three they have to pass in order to get in. He hears the guards outside the gate talking about how much Azarin is like Zhao; he tries to ignore them. He doesn’t have time to get emotional at the moment.

When Zuko slips into a drain underneath them, Azarin follows after checking that the guards are no longer watching him. They silently make their way toward the tower and inside. Zuko stays several feet behind Azarin so he can quickly slip into hiding if anyone finds them. Azarin is scared and anxious, because his father could be lurking around any corner they turn onto, but he has to brave it. He’s doing this for Zuko; as long as he can remember that, he thinks he’ll be fine.

They’re lucky enough to get inside the tower undetected, because every soldier is in the yard listening to Zhao give a monotonous speech from a balcony on the tower. Azarin feels something cold run down his spine at the sound of his father’s booming voice. He thinks it’s fear, but he isn’t sure.

Before Azarin turns another corner he hears guards talking amongst each other; if they’re not out in the yard, they must be guarding something  _ incredibly _ important. He puts his hand out to stop Zuko behind him.

“I’ll distract them while you slip into the room,” Azarin whispers, and Zuko nods. “Do  _ not  _ make a sound.” He walks around the corner with his hands behind his back but doesn’t say anything while the guards stare at him. He stops a few feet from them, looking expectantly at them. “Why are you here when you should be in the yard listening to my father’s historic speech?”

They stare at him, confused. “We’re guarding the Avatar, sir,” one of them says.

Another looks skeptical. “Admiral Zhao didn’t mention his son was paying him a visit.”

“He didn’t have to. I’m here to deliver the Avatar to the Fire Lord.” Azarin states this as confidently as possible, stepping forward again. “I’d appreciate it if you would move.”

All of them take defensive stances. “We were instructed to not let anyone in this room other than Admiral Zhao.”

Azarin rolls his eyes then points behind him, raising his voice. “You should be out there rallying with your fellow soldiers. How  _ dare _ you stay here while my father makes  _ history!” _

“Wait a minute,” a guard steps forward, narrowing his eyes at Azarin’s neck. He starts to panic. “I remember the Admiral telling us how he burned his son and disowned him. You were banished from the Fire Nation with Prince Zuko two years ago, Admiral Zhao didn’t invite you here!”

“Now!” Azarin shouts, and moments later Zuko rushes around the corner. Azarin is left to fight the guards and he does, taking them down one by one until Zuko gets to the door. He looks back at Azarin. “Go! I’ll meet you back at the boat!”

Zuko enters the room just before Azarin slips on something, falling hard on the floor and noticing he slipped on a...frog? Azarin groans from his back aching in pain and more frogs, some half-frozen, scurry their way around him. One hops onto his chest and croaks loudly; Azarin shoves it off and wonders what the hell is going on for only a moment before he gets to his feet and begins running back out of the tower.

With no guards or troops anywhere else, getting back out seems to be a breeze until he hears his father’s voice in the yard again, yelling for the gates to be closed because the Avatar has escaped. He knows he won’t get out right now, not with all the soldiers now on alert for anyone that didn’t belong there. Azarin panics even more now, eyes darting around for anywhere he can hide but he’s pretty sure the entire fortress is just hidden torture chambers. He has no idea what to do, or where to go. He should have stayed with Zuko.

“What was that? I heard footsteps over there!”

Azarin rushes to press his back to the nearest wall, hoping they run right past him without noticing. They  _ do _ notice, and Azarin doesn’t think the  _ I’m Zhao’s son _ bit is going to work anymore, so he doesn’t even try. He lets the guards tie his hands behind his back and escort him to a hidden cell in the wall. When it closes, it’s pitch black with no signs of any way out, and Azarin has absolutely no idea how he’s going to escape this.

It isn’t long before he hears his father’s voice coming from outside the wall. Azarin’s heart beats harder, a sharp pain shooting up his chest and into his neck. He knows he most likely isn’t going to live much longer, or be locked in this prison cell for the rest of his life. He really wishes he had stayed with Zuko, but Zuko’s identity needed to remain hidden. If Azarin was caught or seen with him, it would ruin the entire thing. Zuko’s father would never let him back into the Fire Nation, he would never have his honor restored.

Azarin wonders when he started putting Zuko’s honor above his own life.

The cell wall opens and there stands Zhao, towering over Azarin who’s sitting on the floor. Two guards flank his sides and Azarin recognizes one of them as one of the men he took down outside the room they were keeping Aang in. If his heart could beat any harder, it would be exploding.

“That’s the kid that took us out and said he was your son!” The guard points to Azarin; Zhao smiles and it terrifies him.

“Oh, he  _ is _ my son,” the Admiral says as he pulls Azarin to his feet by his clothing. “And we’re about to have a wonderful reunion.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Azarin…” Zuko groans, head throbbing before he even opens his eyes. When he does, he sees trees and sky and sunlight. His head pounds, and he raises his voice. “Azarin?”

“Was he with you? I don’t think he made it out if he was…” The familiar voice of the Avatar comes from above him; Zuko looks over to see the kid sitting on a tree root. “What will his father do to him?”

Zuko answers immediately. “Kill him. His father will kill him.”

There’s a silence that weighs over them for a moment. Aang breaks it. “Azarin risked his life to help you free me just so you can capture me again...he’s a  _ really _ good friend. If I’m being honest, I get jealous of your friendship a lot. You know what the worst part of being born over a hundred years ago is? I miss all the friends I used to hang out with. Before the war started, I used to always visit my friend Kuzon. The two of us, we'd get in and out of  _ so _ much trouble together. He was one of the best friends I ever had...and he was from the Fire Nation, just like you and Azarin.” He stares at Zuko sadly, who stares back. “If we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends too?”

Zuko doesn’t want to hear this. He doesn’t care. With an indignant sound escaping him, he bends a stream of fire toward the Avatar. Aang narrowly escapes it, then jumps away from tree to tree before he’s out of sight. Zuko stands up slowly, his head dizzy and balance off for a few moments. He finds his way back to the riverboat and a part of him expects Azarin to be there making a sarcastic comment about Zuko taking so long.

He isn’t.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When Katara comes out of her sick fog and gets over the fact that she just had a frozen frog in her mouth, she stretches her arms and back, then runs to Aang, embracing him tightly. “Thank you, Aang. I’m sorry you had to be out all night finding a cure for us.”

“Actually, I found the cure pretty quick!” Aang is enthusiastic for only a moment. “I kinda got captured by Zhao for most of the night…”

Katara lets go of him and looks at the boy in shock. “What?! Are you alright?”

“Of course he’s alright, Katara, look how tall he grew!” Sokka is clearly still feverish, so they both ignore him.

“I’m fine,” Aang says, then scratches his head nervously. “Actually, uh...Zuko rescued me. Zuko and Azarin.”

“They  _ what?” _

“Yeah...I mean obviously they did it because Zuko wants to turn me in to the Fire Lord for his own reasons, and Azarin didn’t make it out apparently.” Aang looks like a kicked puppy honestly, eyes diverted to the ground. “Zuko said Azarin’s father will kill him. I wanted to go back and help him, but Zuko and I  _ together _ barely escaped…”

Katara clenches her fists, unsure of what has her so angry suddenly. She looks up at Aang and speaks harsher than before. “We  _ have _ to help him, Aang. He isn’t like Zuko, he doesn’t like what Zuko does, he’s just-”

“A loyal friend. I know, Katara. But it’s  _ very _ dangerous there, and even if we do make it to him we could be too late.”

Aang has a point, but Katara doesn’t give up. “He doesn’t deserve to die, especially not because he was  _ rescuing _ you!” She speaks sternly and confidently, even though Aang is the farthest thing from her enemy.

“I’m not disagreeing with you, Katara,” Aang says, smiling. “I was just saying it’s dangerous. I want to help him, too.” They smile at each other until a loud snore is heard behind them. Aang laughs a little. “Maybe it’s best if we leave Sokka here.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin has lost all feeling in his arms. They had chained him to the same posts in the same room they had held Aang in, and left him there while his father sorted out something important. Azarin knows trying to escape is pointless, but he can’t lose hope, not when both Aang and Zuko had escaped only a few hours ago. He’s tired, and hungry, and thirsty, and he really feels like his arms are going to fall off.

He wants to believe Zuko wouldn’t leave him there, not when he knows Zhao is the one who will end up torturing and murdering Azarin in the end. Zuko is probably getting Iroh and they plan to set the whole place on fire. Azarin truly hopes that’s the truth.

In the middle of his thoughts, the door to the room opens and of course, it’s his father. Azarin groans, and rolls his eyes. “Just kill me already. Why do you have to go through these dramatics?” When he looks up again he sees Zhao is not alone; a woman in a soldier’s uniform is standing beside him. “Who’s this? Your girlfriend? Sorry, but I’m not calling you mom.”

_ “Shut _ your mouth, boy!” Zhao snarls, and there’s suddenly something hitting Azarin in the stomach so hard it knocks the breath out of his lungs. He looks down and sees a bag of sand spilling beneath his feet. The torture really has begun. “You  _ will _ learn respect, and I don’t care how long it takes.”

Trying his best to breathe, Azarin glares in their direction. “I have respect, just not for you.”

This time, he watches as the woman pulls out a bow and arrow, but instead of a sharpened end, the arrow has a bag of sand fashioned to the end of it. She shoots it toward Azarin again, this time it hits him directly in the center of his chest. Enough to bruise him, but not enough to kill him.

Zhao laughs, the sound like nails on metal to Azarin. “As I said, you will learn respect. The more you talk back, the heavier the bag gets, until eventually she lights them on fire. Are you looking for another scar, Azarin?” When Azarin doesn’t answer (mainly because he’s incapable of speaking from the pain in his chest), Zhao continues. “That’s what I thought. Let me introduce you to your new wife, Yuka. When we’re done teaching you how to behave, the two of you will be married and you will return to the Fire Nation to attend military training. If I haven’t done so already, you will hunt and kill Prince Zuko when you’ve finished your training, then you will join the Navy and become one of my Commanding Officers.”

The cold trickle of fear that’s pulsing through his veins now becomes a waterfall, drowning Azarin as he realizes he isn’t going to be killed. That would be too easy. His father is going to torture him until he submits, however long that takes. Azarin’s tears spill before he can stop them, and not a moment later he’s hit in the thigh by one of Yuka’s sandbags.

Azarin shouts in pain. “Why?” His voice is barely audible, so he tries to make it louder.  _ “Why _ are you doing this to me? I’m your  _ son!” _

“That is  _ exactly _ why I am doing this! If anyone else would have been caught in my fort like you were, I would have killed them immediately!” Zhao’s voice is sharp as he shouts back at his son. “Be grateful you aren’t dead, Azarin. But you will no longer run around the world and embarrass me with that spoiled prince.”

“Oh,  _ wow! _ Thank you, father, for choosing to fucking torture me until I change everything about myself just so you don’t have to be embarrassed of my mere existence!” Azarin is breathing out more fire than he thinks he ever has, while leaning forward as much as he can, pulling on the chains around both his hands and feet. Yuka shoots another bag at him, hitting him in the stomach again. It takes Azarin a few moments to gather his breath once more; he turns his gaze to the woman pointing another arrow at him. “Did he tell you why he’s doing this? Why he’s  _ embarrassed _ of me? Why you’re gonna have to marry me?”

“Shoot,” Zhao says to her. Azarin feels it hit his chest, the pain lasting longer than he knows it should because of the already growing bruise there. He hisses in pain, but still keeps his eyes on Yuka.

“He hates me and he hates Zuko because I’m in love with Zuko. I’ve always been in love with Zuko, and that’s never going to change on its own. This scar,” he shrugs the shoulder that his burn is on, “is from the first time I told him I was in love with Zuko. So now he’s going to torture me until he can change that, because he knows if I remain on my own I’ll not only bring him down but I’ll do it  _ with _ Zuko, and that terrifies him. It terrifies him because Zuko and I are more powerful than he will ever be.”

Azarin isn’t surprised when Zhao laughs. It echoes throughout the room. “I’m not scared of you or your arrogant boyfriend. Shoot.”

This time he’s hit in the neck, directly on his burn scar, and immediately he begins coughing as he tries to get air through his throat. He coughs up blood as he speaks. “I told you, Zuko is  _ not _ my boyfriend.”

“Then why do you consistently bring up being in love with him? Why did he come with you to free the Avatar? Why would he allow you to stay with him for the last two years? You have no use to him. Shoot,” Zhao grins when Azarin is hit in the chest again. “If you really aren’t romantically involved with him after all this time, then you’re more of a coward than I previously thought. You can’t even follow through on your own ridiculous emotions.”

Panting for breath, Azarin tries his best to lift his head up to glare at Zhao, but it’s too difficult. “It wasn’t Zuko. I hired someone to free Aang, because Zuko needs to capture him more than you do.” Azarin has never been a good liar, just good at withholding the truth, so he hopes this is convincing but also realizes it very well may not be. “I’m his friend before anything else. I’m not selfish enough to assume he’s going to like me back, and being someone’s friend is still important. I’m still important to him.” Somehow, Azarin barely even believes himself on that one.

“Is that right? What a shame, then, that the poor prince will never even find out about what you’ve done for him.” Before Yuka shoots another bag at Azarin, Zhao puts his hand out to stop her. “That’s enough for today, Yuka. I’d like to be alone with my son.” She puts away her weapon and steps out of the room. When the door closes, Zhao walks to Azarin and roughly takes his throat in his grip, choking him and forcing Azarin to look at him. “I’m done arguing with you. You will do as you’re told, or you will suffer. Which do you choose, Azarin?”

Azarin doesn’t answer. He spits whatever blood is left in his mouth onto his father’s face. The anger is clear in Zhao’s expression and he reacts almost instantly; he rips open Azarin’s shirt and presses a burning hand to the bare flesh of his son’s chest.

Azarin screams.


	10. realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: the end - silverstein

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: physical abuse, mentions of murder 
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“You know, Azarin, all you have to do is comply. It’s that simple.” Zhao’s voice echoes throughout the room as he stands safely, dozens of feet away from Azarin. “Comply, and the pain stops.”

Azarin, weak from hunger, exhaustion, and constant torture, spits blood from his mouth for what feels like the hundreth time that day before responding. “In your fucking dreams.”

“Shoot,” before the word is even completely out of Zhao’s mouth, Yuka has shot a sandbag directly at the fresh burn scar on Azarin’s chest. Azarin hisses in pain; Zhao laughs. “Yuka, dear, if you keep hitting that burn it’ll never heal. He’ll get an infection and die.”

“Sorry, sir,” Yuka responds, then shoots another bag at the center of Azarin’s stomach. The pain is immeasurable, but Azarin tries his best not to react this time.

Zhao has been at this on and off for the last few hours, or days, Azarin can’t tell. Every time he passes out from the pain or exhaustion, Zhao comes back and makes the sandbags heavier. Yuka had cleaned Azarin’s burn and bandaged it, but is clearly still hitting it when she attacks him. Azarin thinks Zhao told her to do it, regardless of how he’s acting now.

He’s given up hope on being rescued; if Zuko noticed he’s missing and hasn't come for him by now, then he’s likely out to sea chasing Aang. Azarin fully expects to die here, so he has no issue with giving his father absolute hell on the way there.

“Tell me, Azarin,” Zhao brings Azarin out of his thoughts. He looks up at the man, who’s slowly getting closer. “Did your mother know of your insolence?”

Azarin pulls at the chains around his wrists, leaning forward. “Do _not_ talk about her. Don’t even _think_ about her.”

Zhao stops just out of reach of Azarin, the smile on his lips absurdly evil. “I think about her all the time. I think about how I should have killed her sooner, when she told me she was pregnant with _you_.”

Azarin’s entire world stops. His mind flashes with images of his mother, while his body begins to shake. He’s not sure if it’s from fear, grief, or anger. Possibly all three. “No...she drowned in the sea when she went to visit you. I saw her.”

“She drowned because I _pushed_ her into the water,” Zhao says this without hesitation. “You saw her fall. You didn’t see what caused her to fall. I killed her because she refused to comply with me; she wanted to keep you away from me, and that was not the plan at the time. Little did I know that I’d soon want absolutely nothing to do with you. She may have died in vain, but there’s always a silver lining.”

Azarin’s body is uncontrollably shaking. He can barely speak. “Y-you killed m-my mother b-because she...she d-didn’t do what you asked?”

Zhao leans forward a little, but still out of reach. “That is correct, Azarin. Do you see what I’m getting at here?” He lowers his voice dangerously. “Comply, or I will no longer be a father.”

“KILL ME THEN!” Azarin screams, fire streaming from his mouth, hands, and feet. “I WILL _NEVER_ DO WHAT YOU WANT.” He feels several sandbags hit him in the ribs and thigh, which just makes him shout more, fire spilling from everywhere it could on his body. “Give her real arrows, and _fucking kill me_ , Zhao. Or are you too much of a coward to kill your own son yourself?”

Zhao stands straight, eyes trained on Azarin. “Very well. I’ll give you a few hours to mull it over.” He turns to start walking away, waving at Yuka to pack up. “Such a shame, I would have loved to add more glory to my name on behalf of my son.”

“Burn in hell,” Azarin calls after him, expecting Zhao to come back and burn him again, but he doesn’t.

He laughs, low, halfway out the door to the room. “No, Azarin. That will be you.”

The door shuts and Azarin feels like he wants to fall to his knees, but he can’t. Thick tears pour from his eyes and he shouts, flames coming from his throat. He feels more defeated than he ever has in his life. He misses Zuko, the ship, playing Pai Sho with Iroh. He misses home, and realizing that he will never get any of it ever again just makes him feel worse. The pain in his chest isn’t from the bruises or burns, it’s from heartache.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_“This is such a beautiful place, Azarin. Why did you bring us here?” Ursa is looking at him expectantly._

_Azarin shrugs, but smiles and looks out at the flowing river. The trees are lush and green, animals are flitting around them. He recognizes it, but just barely. “I think...I think this is the place where I first had the strongest urge to kiss Zuko. Except, it was night, and he was in the river.”_

_“And you didn’t? What a shame. This would be a wonderful place for a first kiss.”_

_Azarin shakes his head, but doesn’t respond for a while. He takes in the surroundings and smells, leaning back into the grass and relaxing. He feels dread fill his mind, though, and sits up just a few moments later. “Ursa, are you my mother? Is Zuko_ **_actually_ ** _my brother?”_

_She laughs and pats Azarin on the leg. “No, Azarin. I knew your mother, though.”_

_“You did?”_

_“Yes,” Ursa says, and Azarin thinks he hears just the slightest crack of sadness in her voice. “She was...she meant a lot to me. It wasn’t by coincidence that you ended up under my care.”_

_“But...why did you never say anything? You could have told me things about her that even I never knew…” Azarin can feel the tears before he even realizes how upset he is. The sky grows darker quickly._

_She shakes her head, turning to face him. “Azarin, there’s a lot you don’t know. We didn’t want to upset you or have you subject to ridicule. You of all people should know Azula will never let anything go.”_

_“What are you talking about? How did you know my mother?”_

_“Think about it, Azarin. You — a boy who likes boys — were sent to me by request of your late mother, a military wife whose husband was always at sea.”_

_It hits Azarin like a war rhinoceros to the chest. Suddenly, his memories fall into place and their surroundings change; they’re on the floor of his mother’s home, in front of a fire. Ursa and his mother are close, smiling at each other with admiration in the same way he admires Zuko. Azarin closes his eyes, shakes his head, and when he opens them they’re back to sitting on the grass in front of the river. His mother is gone._

_“You...you were in love...with my mother?”_

_Ursa nods, the smile on her face bright. “Yes. I went to school with her...we tried to fight the attraction for a long time because no one would ever accept us. We married men, had children, but always came back to each other.” Her face becomes sullen, voice saddened. “She knew Zhao would end up killing her, especially because she knew you were like her from the very beginning. She tried to protect you the best she could, but in the event that she couldn’t, she left you to me. She would never let Zhao put out your light, just as I never let Ozai put out Zuko’s.”_

_Azarin wants to respond, but he’s unable to. He can no longer speak, so he wraps his arms around Ursa and embraces her as tightly as he can._

_“Azarin, you need to wake up,” Ursa says, urgently shaking him. “Wake up, Azarin.”_

_When he looks at her, it’s no longer Ursa. It’s Zhao, with his hand around Azarin’s throat._

_“Wake up, Azarin!”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Rin, _please_ wake up...fuck, please don’t be dead…”

“Zuko…”

“I told you both to get the hell out of here! If he was awake we’d both be chasing you.”

“Excuse me?! We just helped you _save_ him! How dare you—”

“Katara, let’s just go. We did the right thing. I hope he wakes up soon, Zuko.”

“He will, and when he does, we’ll be coming for you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin is in his own bed on the ship when he wakes up. He can’t move, but it isn’t because he’s restrained; he genuinely cannot move from how sore his body is. There’s barely any light, save for one candle on his bedside table. Is he dreaming? Is he dead? Surely he’s dead. He doesn’t remember what happened or how he got here, but he doesn’t trust it.

He closes his eyes, willing the surroundings to change, but when he opens them again he’s still there. His heart beats a little faster, hope filling his chest again.

“Zuko!” He tries to shout, but his voice is hoarse. He clears his throat and tries again. “Iroh!” Moments later, he hears running in the hallway. Zuko bursts into the room in nothing but sleep pants and when he sees Azarin he smiles, but tears fill his eyes quickly. Azarin can’t help the grin that forms on his face. “What? Am I so ugly that you’re in tears?”

“Shut up,” Zuko says, then falls to his knees beside Azarin’s bed, hugging him in an awkward but sweet way. The pain in Azarin’s torso from the contact shoots up his back and into his neck, making his head throb and he takes in a quick, pained breath, unable to stop it. Zuko pulls away quickly. “I’m sorry, Rin, I swear there isn’t a place on your body that isn’t bruised…”

Azarin tries to sit up, but the pain it causes him is sharp and deep. He falls back to the bed and decides to move his hand to Zuko’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m just glad this isn’t a fever dream.” His voice is still hoarse, but he tries his best to speak up. “How did you get me out of there?”

Zuko makes himself comfortable on the floor, moving from his knees to crossing his legs underneath him. He puts a hand over Azarin’s on his shoulder. “I had some help.”

“Uncle?” Azarin questions, but Zuko shakes his head.

“The Avatar and the waterbender.”

At this, Azarin’s eyes widen. “Aang and Katara helped you rescue me? You _let_ them help you rescue me?”

“When you never came back to the boat, I went back to try and save you. Apparently, the Avatar had the same plan, and he brought the girl with him to help. I really don't think I could have done it without them…” Zuko’s eyes find Azarin’s, and he smiles slyly. “You must have had _some_ kind of impact on Katara...she was hellbent on saving you.”

Azarin feels embarrassed for some reason. What is Zuko trying to imply? “Are you saying the girl we try to kill on a constant basis has a _crush_ on me? You’re out of your mind, Zuko.”

The prince shrugs, smile never leaving his lips. “I don’t know, Rin. Like I said, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She even used some kind of waterbending healing power on your burn. It’s healed, for the most part. I think it’ll still leave a scar, just not a prominent one.”

Instinctively, Azarin reaches up to his fresh burn, arms screaming at him in pain. The bandage is gone...it’s just raised skin, but it doesn’t feel like his other burn scar at all. “I’m grateful, believe me, but I seriously doubt Katara likes me. Even if she did, there’s absolutely no way I would or even could do anything about it.” Or _want_ to do anything about it, for that matter.

“Yeah,” Zuko responds, laughing a little. “I’d probably have to beat you up, too.” After a moment Zuko’s eyes widen and he puts his hands out in defense of himself. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Rin, I—”

“Zuko, it’s fine. Don’t worry...you could never beat me up _this_ bad.” Azarin grins to hide the fact that hearing Zuko curse — which the prince almost _never_ does — is extremely attractive to him for some reason. He really hates himself; even in as bad of a state as he is now, he can’t stop himself from being attracted to Zuko. A part of him knows it’s also because he had been wrong, and Zuko came for him even after Azarin had given up hope.

“We’ll see about that when you’re fully healed,” Zuko brings Azarin out of his own head, but Azarin feels such a huge surge of affection for the prince that he can’t stop the tears that fall from his eyes. Zuko looks worried. “What’s wrong?! Rin, what happened?”

Azarin shakes his head, catching his breath and smiling. “You saved me. You went back and risked your own life for mine. Thank you Zuko, I...I love you.” When he realizes what he’s said, his heart speeds up, but Zuko responds before he has enough time to backpedal.

“I love you too...you’re my best friend, Azarin. I wasn’t going to leave you there to die.”

Azarin can feel his heart burning and breaking, but all he can do in return is weakly smile. The realization that Zuko will never love him back in the same way is hitting him harder than he expects it to, but Azarin isn’t going to stop loving Zuko. He doesn’t think he’s capable at this point. If his love for Zuko is what keeps the prince safe, then Azarin will continue to suffer alone.

Maybe one day, he and Zuko will love each other like their mothers did, but Azarin isn’t betting on it.


	11. the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iroh and azarin have a heart to heart.
> 
> chapter theme: control - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: ptsd/ptsd triggers, panic attacks, mentions of torture
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Zhao deems Azarin an enemy of the Fire Nation for escaping “prison.” They received a hawk with a wanted poster just a day after Azarin had woken up. The portrait has two burn scars on his chest, one in the shape of a hand. Azarin burned the paper into ash after he saw it.

It’s been hell for Azarin trying to sleep, because all he dreams about is being tortured by his father and Yuka. He wants his brain to stop working, just for a little bit, to give him some relief. He tries not to think about it when he’s awake though, but seeing as he requires a lot of naps to heal properly, he can’t seem to escape his own mind. He thinks he needs to get over it; it happened but it’s in the past. Azarin needs to get over it.

Zuko has laid off on making Azarin train, for obvious reasons, but he still seems to like Azarin being around to watch him practice bending and giving him advice. Azarin definitely doesn’t mind sitting in a chair and watching a shirtless Zuko train. Today, Iroh joins him on the deck and makes tea for the both of them. The sun is hot on Azarin’s skin, but he’d rather be outside burning up than alone in his room with nothing but his thoughts and dreams of his father to keep him company.

“I think your form is great, but try a different attack,” Azarin calls out to Zuko, who nods and attacks another guard, causing the man to drop hard onto the metal beneath him. Azarin winces at the sight of it. “Oh man, that’s gotta hurt.”

“Prince Zuko, please try to take it easy on our men, we do need them, you know.” Iroh smiles after he speaks.

Zuko stops fighting, turning his attention to Iroh. “Did Zhao take it easy on Azarin? Will the Avatar take it easy on me? Will my  _ father  _ take it easy on me if I return to the Fire Nation without the monk in custody?”

Sighing, Iroh sips his tea, but doesn’t respond. Zuko goes back to fighting.

“He really needs to relax...has he even slept much since I got back?” Azarin looks to Iroh, who shakes his head.

“He blames himself for your capture, and insists that if you weren’t trying to keep him from giving up hope on capturing the Avatar, Zhao wouldn’t have caught and tortured you.”

“It’s not his fault,” Azarin is quick to defend Zuko even though Iroh isn’t even attacking him. “I chose to separate from him to keep his identity hidden. If my father saw us together he would know who was behind the mask and what we were doing would be for nothing, because Ozai would never give Zuko his honor back after that.”

“You are correct, but Prince Zuko is so used to having blame put on him, that he tends to put it on himself even when there is no one to blame.” Iroh reaches over and pours more tea into Azarin’s cup. “He also doesn’t know what happened to you, because you have not told us. He will continue to take the blame unless he knows that what Zhao did could not have been his fault.”

At this, Azarin nearly chokes on his tea. “Uncle, I can’t tell him that...you, maybe, but not him. He won’t understand and I’d have to tell him about—”

“I know, Azarin. Just remember what we talked about...it will find its way out one way or another.” The old man pauses, looking contemplative. “It may be best to leave out certain details of your capture for now, though. Until the prince is less…” He looks to Zuko, who’s taken down three guards and is working on a fourth. “...aggressive.”

Azarin sighs, but nods. Talking about things should make Zuko feel better, but Azarin isn’t sure it will have the same effect on him. Even just thinking about what his father did to him makes him panic, even thinking about the things Zhao had  _ planned _ for him still bothers him. He hasn’t slept without a nightmare since he got back. If it will help Zuko, though, Azarin will put himself through anything. That much, he’s pretty sure he’s already made clear.

“I think I’m gonna go lie down,” Azarin says, standing up slowly and wincing from the pain his sore body is putting him through. When Zuko sees him, he rushes over and puts Azarin’s arm over his own shoulders, helping him stand easier.

“Please don’t try to walk on your own, let me help you,” Zuko says, smiling warmly. The sight of it makes Azarin’s heart start racing. “Uncle, bring Azarin’s tea to his room.”

“I’m not  _ completely _ helpless, you know,” even though having Zuko’s body so close to his own isn’t the worst thing in the world. “I can walk pretty well now, and you’re so short that you trying to help me is useless, anyway.” Azarin ends his sentence with a smile. Zuko huffs like a child.

“Freak of nature,” the prince says, not letting go of Azarin.

Laughing, Azarin descends the steps into the ship with Zuko. “Being taller than you is so much fun, I—” He doesn’t get to finish, because they both trip and fall down the last few steps. Azarin holds on to Zuko as tightly as he can while they fall, trying to protect him even though  _ he’s _ the more vulnerable one in this situation.

When they reach the floor, Azarin lands on top of Zuko, who has the air knocked out of his lungs from the impact of his back hitting the ground. They both groan in pain and Azarin pushes himself up the best he can, but his sore arms can only hold him for so long. He drops back down onto Zuko’s chest just as the other starts laughing; it grows more and more until Azarin is laughing too. He has no idea  _ why _ they’re laughing, but he isn’t going to stop it when his body is on top of Zuko’s and the prince  _ isn’t _ pissed at him.

“Seems like you needed more help than you thought, huh?” Zuko asks. Azarin can’t even process how incredible it is to  _ feel _ Zuko speaking through the vibrations in his chest. “You’re so  _ heavy _ too, how the hell do you fight so well?”

Azarin grins into Zuko’s collarbones. “So you’re saying I’m better than you?”

“Shut  _ up _ Azarin,” Zuko tries to push Azarin off of him, but it’s clear he’s afraid of hurting him because he does it so gently that it doesn’t work. “Can you get off me? I’d like to keep the feeling in my legs.”

Azarin refrains from making any kind of sexual comment because it definitely wouldn’t go over well. He moves off of Zuko and lets the other help him up, smiling. “Admit it. I’m a better bender than you. You’re  _ so _ shocked that I’m as good as I am even though I’m tall and apparently heavy.”

All Zuko does in response is roll his eyes and continue helping Azarin to his room.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After a short nap, Azarin wakes up to Iroh at his bedside, grinning wide and offering him tea. Laughing softly, Azarin takes it and sips. “Is there a reason you were watching me sleep?”

“Not watching...making sure you don’t hurt yourself,” Iroh says. Azarin looks at him strangely. “You have been firebending in your sleep. Zuko and I take turns sitting and keeping you safe.”

Azarin lets out a frustrated sound and runs his hands through his hair as he sits up, his torso screaming at him in pain. “I don’t know what to do, uncle. Do I not sleep? Is that the only way to get away from these nightmares?”

Iroh shakes his head. “No. You must heal from whatever is causing you pain. In this case, I think it’s obvious that it’s from whatever your father did to you.”

“I’m fine,” Azarin avoids eye contact with Iroh. “I’m glad to be out of his grip. I don’t believe talking about it will do anything.”

Shrugging, Iroh stands and takes Azarin’s empty cup from him. “Suit yourself, Azarin. It will only get worse.”

Iroh leaves, and Azarin is left to himself. He knows deep down that Iroh is right because, well...Iroh is  _ always _ right. He just doesn’t like believing it, because that means he has to deal with understanding what his father did to him, and he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to think about any of it.

He gets out of bed slowly, stretching his muscles even though they’re still burning with pain. Although his mind doesn’t get any rest while he sleeps, every time he wakes up his body feels just a  _ little _ bit better, which is what keeps him optimistic. He makes his way out of the room, down the hall, and into the dining room where he can smell freshly cooked food waiting for him to scarf down. His stomach is turning inside of itself from only drinking tea all day.

“Morning, Azarin,” Zuko says when he sees Azarin, smile prominent on his face. He gestures to the seat across from him. “It’s giant koi and plum sauce tonight.”

Azarin sits and tries not to wince when pain shoots up his body. “Thanks, Zuko,” is all he responds before digging in.

It’s just him and Zuko; he assumes Iroh had eaten while he had been watching Azarin in his room. They’re silent for a short while, and Azarin finishes his first plate, going for another. 

“Woah, slow down, Rin,” Zuko is laughing. “Are you  _ that _ hungry?”

Azarin looks up at him, mouth full of fish and rice. He swallows before speaking. “Uh...yeah. I haven’t eaten all day because all I do is sleep and drink tea.”

Zuko chokes on his water. “Should I start calling you uncle?” Azarin throws his napkin at Zuko, but doesn’t respond. “So, who’s Yuka?”

Something cold pours down Azarin’s spine. His mind flashes with images of that room, his father's face, and Yuka pointing bags at him. He swallows his fish and avoids looking at Zuko. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been having nightmares constantly. Uncle and I have to watch you when you sleep so you don’t hurt yourself with your firebending.” Zuko lowers his voice before speaking next. “You also scream about your father and a girl named Yuka a lot.”

Azarin can’t answer. He just can’t. He can feel his body start to shake and tears form in his eyes. He closes them to try and will himself to get it together, but all he can see is his father in front of him, choking him. He quickly opens his eyes again, heart beating uncontrollably hard in his chest. He can hear Zuko speaking, but can’t understand what he’s saying. Everything is blurry from the water in his vision and he can feel his hands heat up; he thinks they’re on fire but he isn’t sure. He feels locked inside his mind, unable to control what his body is doing and unable to communicate what’s happening to him. He’s trapped.

Suddenly there’s hands on his shoulders. He can make out Zuko’s form in front of him, but his reaction is instant and he can’t stop it. He shoves Zuko back into the table, hearing dishes clash on the floor, breaking. The sound somehow brings him back into himself and he stands up, staring at Zuko. He can’t believe what he’s done. Zuko is bleeding from a broken plate cutting him on the arm.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Zuko shouts as he clutches his arm, blood seeping through his fingers slowly. “What did I do?”

“I-I...I’m sorry, Z-Zuko...I…” Azarin can barely speak, he’s crying so hard.

Iroh steps into the room at that moment, a disheartened look on his face. “Boys, what happened?”

“He attacked me!” Zuko’s response is quick. “One moment we’re eating and talking and the next he’s crying, I tried to help him but he pushed me into the table!”

“I-I didn’t m-mean to…” Azarin tries his best not to stutter.

“I don’t care if you meant to or not! I’m  _ bleeding _ , Azarin!”

“Boys—”

“Zuko, I  _ swear _ I didn’t want to hurt you…”

“Well you did! All I did was ask who Yuka was and you  _ lose it _ on me!”

Before Azarin can respond, there’s a giant fire in the room and when it dissipates, Iroh is standing on the table between Azarin and Zuko. “That is quite enough, you two,” he says, then steps down, stern look aimed toward Zuko. “I specifically told you  _ not _ to ask Azarin about his nightmares, Prince Zuko.”

“How the hell is this  _ my _ fault?!” Zuko’s hands are clenched into fists, his bleeding arm dripping onto the floor.  _ “He’s _ the one that won’t talk about anything!”

“It is not your place to force him to. Go clean yourself up, nephew.” When he finishes, Zuko growls and slams the door on his way out of the room. Iroh shakes his head, eyes on the demolished table. “Such a waste, all of this food.”

Azarin steps forward, leaning down to pick up some broken pieces of a plate mixed with chunks of fish. “I’m so sorry for all of this, uncle, I--”

“Put that down. Come with me,” Iroh is halfway out the door before he’s even done speaking. Azarin quickly follows, unsure of what’s happening. He definitely doesn’t want to be on any bad side of Iroh’s, though.

They end up in Iroh’s own bedroom, with dozens of lit candles on any and every surface, including all over the floor. Azarin feels guilt wrap around him quickly. “Did we interrupt you meditating? Iroh, I’m  _ so _ sorry…”

Iroh waves a dismissive hand at Azarin. “That doesn’t matter. Sit.”

Azarin does as he’s told, sitting on the floor where Iroh is pointing. “What’s going o--”

“Shh,” Iroh cuts him off, standing at a table on the other side of the room. A few moments later, Azarin smells a very strong tea being made, but he doesn’t say anything. He waits until Iroh moves to sit across from him, handing him a cup of the freshly made tea. It smells...strange. “Drink it, please.”

Azarin nods, then sips. It tastes awful but he tries not to wince at the flavor. When he finishes the cup, Iroh takes it from him and sets it on the floor next to them. It’s silent for a few moments.

“If you will not talk about it on your own, then I have no other choice than to bring it out of you. I know you did not mean to hurt my nephew, but he will not see it that way.” The old man pauses, fingers pulling at his beard. “Do you want to be having these outbursts — and hurting Prince Zuko — frequently?”

Azarin’s answer is immediate. “No...no, the  _ last _ thing I ever want is to hurt Zuko.”

“Then it is settled,” Iroh responds, nodding. “You will meditate and talk to me.”

“But uncle—”

“The tea I gave you will relax your body enough to prevent you from hurting me.” When Azarin still looks concerned, Iroh continues, smiling. “Don’t worry, Azarin. I can take you.”

Letting out a defeated breath, Azarin sits straight, wrists resting on his knees with his legs crossed underneath him. He slows his breathing, taking in deep breaths and exhaling slowly. He tries to clear his mind and keep his eyes closed, but flashes of his father keep popping up in his vision, causing his heart to beat faster until eventually he can hear his father’s voice telling him to  _ comply. _

His eyes open, hands going straight to his head to grip his hair harshly. “I can’t...I can’t do this…”

“Yes you  _ can, _ Azarin,” Iroh encourages. “Try again.”

Even though he’s scared, Azarin tries again. He closes his eyes and returns his hands to where they were, evening his breathing once more. His father comes up in his vision again and he can feel himself flinch. Iroh’s voice brings him back.

“Tell me what you see.”

Taking in a deep breath, Azarin keeps his eyes closed and tries to explain what he’s experiencing. “Zhao. That room. My wrists are bleeding. He’s telling me to comply.”

“Comply with what?”

“What he wants. What he wants me to be.” Azarin can feel hot tears streaming down his face, but he’s oddly not shaking or breaking things. He takes that as a good sign.

“What does he want you to be?”

Azarin takes a moment to respond, because he isn’t exactly sure of the answer. He tries his best to get it right. “His perfect son. A military officer, married to a girl —  _ that _ girl.”

“Yuka?”

He expects to react in the same way he had earlier with Zuko, but he doesn’t. He feels a hum echo throughout his body. He nods. “Yes, Yuka. He chose one of his best archers for me to have an arranged marriage with.”

“And she is the one who was hurting you?”

“She used a bow to shoot bags filled with sand at my body. The more I resisted, the more I didn’t comply, the heavier they got. Some were lit on fire.” Azarin can feel the panic rising in him; he tries his best to will it away by taking another deep breath.

“What was Zhao’s plan after you married her?”

Azarin sees his father in front of him, hand on fire, burning his chest. He pushes the vision into blackness. “After I married her he wanted me to go through military training, then hunt Zuko until I killed him.”

It’s a few moments before Iroh has his next question. “Why do you think he wants you to kill Prince Zuko?”

“So I’m not in love with him anymore,” Azarin responds, completely sure of himself and it hurts him to even say it. “So I don’t like boys anymore.” Fresh tears roll down Azarin’s cheeks and he expects another question, but it never comes. What does is Iroh’s arms around him, and Azarin can feel the man’s tears soaking into his shirt.

“I am so sorry, Azarin,” Iroh says, voice cracking a little. Azarin opens his eyes and wraps his arms around Iroh in return, but doesn’t say anything. “This is not how a father should treat his son. You are a  _ wonderful _ boy that any man would be  _ proud _ to call his son.”

Whatever was keeping Azarin together breaks. His tears seem to turn to waterfalls as Iroh pulls away and looks at him. He has no idea what to say. “Uncle…”

“Zhao is a cruel tyrant, he wants to control everyone around him for his own glory and he knows he can’t control you, so he has tried to break your spirit. I am so happy that he didn’t.” Iroh wipes Azarin’s tears from his face before continuing. “He tried to control your mother, too. She wouldn’t let him, so he killed her.”

_ You’re just like your mother. Weak. _

“Uncle, I need to ask you something about my mother,” Azarin is still crying, but he doesn’t want to forget this. He needs to know.

“Right now?” Iroh looks confused, but Azarin nods. “Very well.”

Azarin has absolutely no idea how to word it, especially because he isn’t even sure if it’s true or not. He dreamed it, so his mind could have made all of it up right? Still, he has to try. He has to be sure.

“When I was still captured, I had a dream while I was passed out. It was about my mother...and Zuko’s mother.” His eyes are locked on where Iroh’s hands are covering his own, just so he doesn’t have to see the other tell him it isn’t true. “Ursa told me...she told me I was just like my mother. That they were in love, and that I ended up with her after my mom died because my mom wouldn’t let Zhao have me. She wanted me to be with someone who would love me for who I am...someone who wouldn’t put out my light.”

When Iroh doesn’t respond for a few moments, Azarin panics and looks up at him. He’s smiling, and there are still tears in his eyes. “They wanted the best for you and Zuko, but they thought that together they could not provide it. You would only know suffering and ridicule.” Iroh pauses, squeezing Azarin’s hands a little. “I don’t think I have ever seen a person love another in the same way that your mother loved Ursa. I helped them keep their secret for many years, especially after you and Zuko were born. At first, your mother wanted your life and Zuko’s life to remain separate. But as Zhao tried more and more to control her, she knew that she would rather you be with Ursa than with your father. There are many things she did not tell me, though...things that only Ursa knew.”

Azarin can’t believe what he’s hearing. He couldn’t believe it after he had woken up from the dream with Ursa, either. He’s more like his mother than he had ever thought, but not in the way that Zhao thinks.

Zhao…

“Did my father know?” Azarin’s head is brimming with questions. “Is that why he killed her?”

Iroh shakes his head. “He did not. He thought they were friends since childhood. Ozai on the other hand…”

Azarin takes in a sharp breath, eyes widened. “No…”

“My brother found out after Ursa disappeared. He went through her things and found your mother’s letters. I have never seen him more angry than when he banished his wife from ever returning to the Fire Nation. She did return, to see you and Zuko, but…”

“But Ozai killed her,” Azarin finishes Iroh’s sentence for him. He’s in complete and utter shock at all of this information. He can barely process it.

“No, he didn’t kill her,” Iroh says, pointedly. Azarin looks up at him expectantly. “He tortured her. He was hurt, because he did love her, but she had used him so she could have children and live a normal life. I think Ursa loved who Ozai  _ used _ to be, but not who he became.”

Azarin thinks hard for a moment before speaking again. “So...you think she loved both of them at one point?”

Iroh nods, and hums. “I do. She always loved your mother, but Ozai was a new love for her. My brother did not always used to be the way he is now. He and I once loved each other like the brothers we are, but he became so hungry for power that he shunned me because I was first in line to become Fire Lord. He knew he could not beat me in a fight, though, so he did not dare try to kill me.”

“It’s hard to imagine Ozai as  _ not _ intimidating beyond all realm of reason…”

At this, Iroh chuckles loudly and pats Azarin on the leg. “For you, maybe. He was never fond of your presence in the palace. I think deep down he knew that you were more than just a Naval Captain’s son. Ursa was attached to you very quickly; you reminded her of Manami.”

Azarin smiles. He can’t help it...he loves being compared to his mother in a positive way, and now that he thinks about it, Ursa used to do it in small, subtle ways. She would mention how handsome he was, and how his mother had been beautiful, too. Or how Azarin loved to read, and so did his mother. He always wondered how Ursa knew those things...he guesses that after everything that happened with his father, Ozai, and Zuko, he forgot about it.

“I guess so much has happened in such a short amount of time that I...I forgot how much Ursa means to me,” Azarin can feel fresh tears forming in his eyes as he speaks. “She really was  _ meant _ to take care of me, wasn’t she? I miss her so much...I wish I could have seen her and my mother together. In my dream they were so beautiful and happy…”

“Azarin, look at me,” Iroh speaks sternly. Azarin locks eyes with him, chest filled with something that he can’t name, but it feels nice. Iroh lets out a small sigh, smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “You and Zuko will be just as beautiful and happy one day. I’m sure of it.”

Azarin knows that isn’t true, but he tries his best to have hope for it. If Iroh is saying it, there has to be the smallest chance that it’s true, right? Iroh is  _ always _ right.

“I hope so, uncle,” Azarin says, wiping the tears from his eyes. “It always seems like I get so close to telling him, then freak out and stop myself.”

“That is the response Zhao has put into you. You will learn to ignore it one day, just as my nephew will learn to control the anger in him passed down by his father.” Iroh takes a moment’s pause. “I am glad you trusted me enough to do this, Azarin. I hope talking has helped you, even just a little.”

Nodding, Azarin smiles. “I think it has...thank you  _ so _ much for answering all my questions, uncle.”

“Thank  _ you _ for answering mine,” Iroh’s smile grows, and he stands, which surprises Azarin.

“What’s going on? Where are you going?” He asks, standing as well.

“To make more tea!”


	12. hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin and zuko continue to fight.
> 
> chapter theme: playing god - paramore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vaguely follows book one episode 15: bato of the water tribe
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Zuko doesn’t have any more leads on Aang for what feels like weeks. Azarin wants to believe Zuko stopped searching because Azarin had gotten hurt because of his obsession, but he knows that’s a naive notion. If Zuko had any leads, he’d be following them and leave an injured Azarin on the ship.

Ironically, this is what happens when a pretty (albeit,  _ scary _ ) girl on top of a giant furry anteater damages their ship in search of a stowaway criminal. When Zuko learns the animal tracks scents, Azarin knows exactly what he’s thinking and follows him off the deck and into his room.

“I know you’re desperate, Zuko, but we don’t even have anything that girl could track Aang with. Not unless you’ve stolen some of the kid’s clothes, which is kinda creepy.” Azarin tries to laugh while he watches Zuko rummage through his things. His torso is still sore, but he can mostly ignore it as long as he isn’t moving.

Zuko doesn’t look at him. “We do, though...if I can just find it -- aha!” The prince turns toward Azarin, holding up Katara’s necklace. The pendant gleams in the light and Azarin swallows a lump in his throat he hadn’t realized was there.

“H-how did you get that?”

“What do you mean, how did I get it?” Zuko questions, confused look on his face. His eyes widen as he realizes, then steps toward Azarin pointing a finger at the other. “I wondered how she got it back...you gave it to her didn’t you?”

“You didn’t even tell me you had it. If you did, I would have told you that using it against her is wrong.” Sighing, Azarin shrugs. “Yeah, I took it from you and gave it back to her, because I know how important something like that is to her people.”

Zuko shouts, pushing Azarin against the wall, making him wince in pain from his bruises. _ “That’s _ why she likes you. You were  _ nice _ to her. Why did you do that, Azarin?!”

“Because you had no right to use it against her. You knew she wouldn’t tell you where Aang was regardless, you just wanted to be cruel to her out of revenge. You wanted the upper hand for all the times she’s bested you, and that’s  _ wrong, _ Zuko,” Azarin is confident as he speaks, but doesn’t move to try and get away from Zuko even when the prince is glaring at him angrily. “I didn’t like how you were acting. It wasn’t you. It was something your father would do.”

“I’m  _ so sorry _ that I’m not like you, Azarin,” Zuko responds, venomous sarcasm dripping from his words. Azarin hates to admit how much the tone hurts him. “I actually care what my father thinks, and admire him. You wouldn’t know what that feels like, since you turned on him the moment he tried to teach you respect.”

Azarin thinks this is enough. Zuko has absolutely no clue what he’s talking about, and he’s going to get hurt if Azarin gets too angry to control himself, so he shoves Zuko off of him and lights fire blades in his hands. “You have  _ no idea _ what the hell you’re talking about, so I’d shut up if I were you.”

Zuko scoffs. “I know you better than you think I do. You cling to me and my family like they’re your own because you don’t have anyone else, but if you were smart you’d go with your father and become a great military officer. You’re a better bender than he is, you could surpass him quickly and easily and be more powerful than him in no time. But you stay here with me and my uncle, judging me for my decisions so you feel better about yourself and your morals.”

Azarin can feel his heart beating hard in his chest, but he wills himself to stay still. He doesn’t want to hurt Zuko. “You should  _ really _ shut up now.”

Zuko doesn’t listen. “If Zhao offered you a place next to him, use it just to take him down if you hate him that much. Become better than him and push him out so he has nothing. Be  _ smart _ about it, Azarin. Don’t let him torture you, fill you with fear, and declare you an enemy of the Fire Nation. You’re letting him win.”

“How do you know my father offered me  _ anything?! _ Were you listening to me and uncle talking?” Azarin is seething, flames in his hands growing, but he stays put where he is.

“He’s  _ not _ your uncle,” Zuko’s response is immediate, and Azarin’s heart clenches for a moment. “And how else was I supposed to find out anything? You wouldn’t talk about it and when I tried to ask, you attacked me!”

At this, Azarin’s heart sinks into his stomach. Zuko has known this whole time and not said anything? “How much did you hear?”

“I left after you said Zhao wants you to hunt and kill me.” Relief washes over Azarin and he almost stumbles from all the tension leaving his body at once. Zuko doesn’t give him a chance to respond. “What does it matter? I heard enough. I know Zhao is terrible to you, but you refuse to acknowledge it or try to rise above it. You should have burned him in your Agni Kai. Showing him mercy showed him that you’re weak and he can take advantage of you, and he did. You’re not better than him for it.”

For a few moments, Azarin feels something in the world around him shift. He feels his relationship with Zuko cracking, every time they fight like this, because Azarin gets more and more fed up with Zuko’s hurtful words each time. This hurts more than anything else Zuko has done, though. Azarin doesn’t know why, but he sure as hell isn’t going to show it.

“What happened to ‘I’m proud of you, Rin’?” Azarin has to push back the tears in his eyes. He refuses to give Zuko the satisfaction. “You want to be like your father so much? Congratulations, Zuko. You’ve achieved it. Now please leave me the  _ fuck _ alone.” Azarin puts the fire out in his hands and walks out of the room. He can hear Zuko throwing or hitting something, but he doesn’t turn back.

When he makes it to his room Azarin drops to the floor and cries harder than he has in a very long time. Somehow, he knows being with Zuko won’t last much longer. If anything, he himself can’t take it for much longer. Not only is he terrified that Zuko is going to find out about his crush on him, but Azarin isn’t sure that his feelings for Zuko will be enough to keep him around if the prince keeps acting like this. Maybe Zuko will kick him off the ship because of something Azarin does or says to him, in which case it would be easier to deal with leaving Zuko. Either way, Azarin would have nowhere to go. He’s starting to become okay with that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Not that much later, there’s a knock on Azarin’s door. “It’s me, Azarin. May I come in?” Iroh’s voice comes from the other side of the metal. Letting out a sigh and putting his book down, Azarin gets up and opens the door. Iroh softly smiles at him. “Prince Zuko and I are leaving to find the girl. He has requested that you stay on the ship to continue healing.”

“I find that hard to believe, unc—Iroh,” Azarin says, incredulously, as he sits on his bed. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”

Iroh sits next to him. “I’m very sorry that my nephew hurt you. He sometimes doesn’t realize that his words can have impact, especially to the ones who care about him most.”

“You shouldn’t have to apologize for him. He should be apologizing to me himself, but all he cares about is finding Aang so having an argument with me doesn’t matter to him. I don’t matter to him at all if he’s willing to  _ purposely _ hurt me like that.” Azarin turns to Iroh with tears in his eyes. “You have no idea how much he sounded like Ozai...like  _ my _ father even. It was terrifying.”

“Zuko was humiliated and punished for  _ not _ being like his father, for doing the right thing. Much like how your father has conditioned you to respond to your feelings for my nephew with fear and shame, Ozai has now instilled in Zuko that being compassionate will lead to punishment.” Iroh shakes his head, placing a gentle hand on Azarin’s knee. “He has taken what he knows of his father and imitated it, even though you and I both know that Zuko is nothing like Ozai. He has a long journey ahead of him. He thinks he is searching for the Avatar, but I believe he is trying to find  _ himself _ more. This is why we must not give up on him.”

He knows Iroh is right, but Azarin just can’t let go of how much Zuko’s words hurt him. How is it that Zuko has such a long way to go, but Azarin’s life hasn’t been easy either and he feels like he’s so far ahead that Zuko is getting left behind. He doesn’t like it, because even if Zuko hurts him he wants to be able to be there for him. He wants to be able to stomach the way Zuko treats him sometimes just because he loves him — Azarin loves him  _ so _ much — but it isn’t as easy as it used to be. It hasn’t been easy since Zuko started being cruel once he found Aang...when his honor is so close to being restored but always taken away at the last second.

“I understand that he’s had a lot happen to him too, I just wish he could see or even  _ care _ how much he hurts me sometimes…” Azarin lowers his voice to a whisper. “I just want him to care.”

“He does care about you, Azarin. I don’t think I have ever seen him care for someone the way he does for you...but he is so caught up in becoming his father that he cannot see any person’s feelings other than his own.”

Azarin lets out a large breath along with more tears. Somehow, he doesn’t believe Iroh this time. Zuko’s actions and words tell Azarin something completely different.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Zuko and Iroh get back, Azarin is just waking up from a nap. He’s forced into standing and it’s almost dizzying for him, but he tries to focus on the person in front of him, holding him by the arm. It’s Zuko.

“Where is it?” He demands, and Azarin is thoroughly confused.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes with his free hand. “I literally  _ just _ woke up, I have no clue what you’re talking about, Zu.”

Zuko jerks his arm down, making Azarin bend over just a little so they’re at eye level. It would be amusing if Zuko weren’t literally  _ hot _ from how pissed off he is.  _ “The necklace, _ Azarin. I know you had to have followed us and taken it while I was distracted.”

“Seriously?” Azarin rolls his eyes and yawns. “I’ve been in my room the whole time you’ve been gone. I napped for the last half. I’m still too sore to do that kind of exercise.”

“You’re lying!” Zuko pulls on Azarin’s arm more, his grip heating up. Azarin pulls his arm away.

“Did you ever think that  _ they _ took it seeing as it belongs to them? It’s Katara’s  _ dead mother’s _ necklace, Zuko.” He doesn't take his eyes off Zuko, hoping the importance of Katara having her necklace back gets through to him. “I’m shocked she hasn't tried to come steal it off the ship in the middle of the night yet. You never should have had it in the first place.”

With an angry shout, Zuko bends a stream of fire at Azarin, who dodges it and immediately takes Zuko’s wrists in his hands. He shoves the prince into the wall, much like Zuko had done to him earlier, but with his arms up above his head. This would be  _ extremely _ satisfying if they were under different circumstances; that much isn't lost on Azarin. Zuko breathes fire at him, struggling to get away, but Azarin is stronger.

“Let  _ go _ of me!”

“No,” Azarin says firmly, gripping Zuko’s wrists harder. He feels something hard underneath his hand and he moves his fingers just a little to see what it is. His eyes widen then flick back to Zuko. “Imagine if one of them took my mother’s bracelet and tried to use it against me to get to you. That’s literally what you did.” At this, Zuko stops struggling. Azarin lets him go. “They’re people, Zuko. They aren’t just pawns in your quest to restore your honor. That’s all I’m trying to get you to see. I’m not trying to betray you or make you give up, I just want you to treat people like they’re human beings.”

Much to Azarin’s surprise, Zuko starts crying. Silently at first, but the longer they stand there the more hysterically the tears come out. Azarin moves him to the bed and they both sit. It’s a long while before Zuko calms down enough to talk.

“Rin, I-I can’t even tell you how sorry I am,” Zuko starts, wiping his tears on the back of his hand. “You’re the only person besides uncle that’s believed in me and been here for me through all of this and I...I said the  _ worst _ things to you…”

Smiling, Azarin wraps an arm around Zuko’s shoulders. “Hey, it’s alright. I mean, you  _ did _ say some pretty bad things, but I know that’s not you.” Maybe now —  _ finally _ — Zuko will ease up on trying to be his father. It’s gotten to the point where he’s pushing Azarin and Iroh away, and that’s the last thing Azarin wants.

Zuko leans his head on Azarin’s shoulder, which in turn makes Azarin’s heart start racing uncontrollably. The prince lets out a sigh. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Azarin. I can’t even imagine how lost I would be if you weren’t here with me.”

Azarin can’t breathe. It isn’t because he’s thinking about his father like he initially thinks, though. He can’t breathe because Zuko is showing that he  _ cares _ about Azarin, in his own way. Azarin thinks if there’s any time to confess, now is it. If his heart beats any harder, he thinks his chest will explode.

“Zuko...I have something I need to tell you.”

The prince sits up, looking at Azarin questioningly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, it isn’t bad at all…” Azarin shakes his head, but smiles. “At least, I hope it won’t be...you don’t have to be okay with it. I’m not forcing you into anything--”

“You have a crush on the wate—Katara, don’t you?”

Azarin backs out almost immediately. His heart slows down and sinks, it sinks deeper than he thinks it ever has. He feels stupid for thinking he can tell Zuko; he can  _ never _ tell Zuko. Zuko will never understand. He’ll shame Azarin and shut him out, he’ll reject him and Azarin isn’t ready for that. He isn’t sure he’ll ever be ready for Zuko to reject him.

“Y-yeah,” Azarin responds, softly. “I like Katara.”

Zuko pats him on the back. It hurts, but Azarin doesn’t flinch. “I’m really not surprised. I know your taste in girls isn’t good. You dated my  _ sister, _ Rin.”

The joke is funny, but Azarin doesn’t laugh. “Yeah...you’re right. I guess I...well, I just don’t want you to hate me.” That much is the truth, at least.

“I could never hate you. Even if you ran off to be with Katara, you’re still my best friend. I just wouldn’t kill you first.”

“Jeez, thanks for that,” Azarin actually lets out a small laugh. “I’m not gonna run off to be with Katara. It’s just a crush. It’ll go away.”

_ It’s just a crush, It’ll go away. _

Hopefully, Azarin can keep telling himself that enough times that he believes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do not apologize for the amount of angst in this fic (:


	13. manipulated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: hopeless - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows the beginning of book one episode 18: the waterbending master
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“I’m taking your crew,” Zhao says, calmly, like he isn’t destroying any and every chance Zuko has at getting to the Avatar. He tilts his head a little, shrugging. “And my son.”

_ “What?!” _ Zuko can’t let this happen, he’s so close to capturing the kid and Zhao isn’t going to—

“I’ve recruited them for a little expedition to the North Pole.”

Zuko clenches his fists. “Uncle, is that true?”

“I’m afraid so. He’s taking everyone,” Iroh dramatically casts his arm over his face. “Even the cook!”

“Sorry you won’t be there to watch me capture the Avatar, but I can’t have you getting in my way again.” Zhao’s smugness is clear as he speaks. Zuko lunges at him, fists flaming, but his uncle stops him and Zhao grins in that spine-chilling way he does. “Not such a smart idea, Prince Zuko, seeing as you’re harboring a fugitive from the Fire Nation. One wrong move and I arrest you, too.”

“Bold of you to assume Azarin is even here,” Zuko hopes his bluff is believable. He  _ really _ hopes Azarin doesn’t come back from his supply run any time soon.

Zhao laughs, loudly. “He would never leave your side. As long as I can track you, I can track him. Now tell me, Prince Zuko,” Zhao’s guards take Zuko by the arms as the man steps closer, leaning down into the prince’s face.  _ “Where is my son?” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin thinks he’s found the perfect gift for Iroh. He has to like a porcelain tea set as old as  _ he _ is, right?

As Azarin is walking back to the ship, gift in hand, he sees that the ramp to the ship is being guarded. He quickly finds a booth to peruse anxiously. How could Zhao have found them here?

“Hey...I recognize you,” the booth owner says slowly. He looks to the wall beside him, where a wanted poster of Azarin is hanging. “You’re the kid Admiral Zhao was looking for!”

“Would you look at that? I can’t find what I’m looking for, so I’ll just get back to my ship and set sail!” Azarin starts to turn and walk away, but the man grabs him by his collar, causing Azarin to drop the tea set in his hands. It shatters, and he sighs. “You broke my gift, mind if I break your neck?”

Swiftly, Azarin swings his hand back with full force into the man’s elbow, causing him to let go of Azarin. He then turns and bends fire into the man’s booth, burning essentially everything he’s trying to sell. Azarin sends a wink the man’s way before he takes off at full speed across the port.

“Someone catch that kid! He’s got a price on his head!”

Azarin can’t help but think that this is what Aang must feel like constantly, having Zuko, Zhao, and the entire Fire Nation after him constantly.

After some running, dodging, and hiding, the crowd chasing him dies down. Azarin takes it as his chance to sneak back onto the ship, so he quietly moves from booth to booth, careful to hide between each one so no one sees him for too long. When he sees the ramp to the ship again, it’s unguarded. He lets himself relax for a moment before making a break for it. Halfway into his run, Fire Nation military troops surround him. He should have known it was a trap, but he’s so desperate to get back on the ship, get back to Zuko and Iroh, that he let himself slip up.

The guards try to take him but he bends his way out of their grip, over and over, until the next person to step in front of him is his father. “Fighting is futile, Azarin. Give up now, and I won’t send you and the prince to prison.” Of course Zhao has already gotten to Zuko; he has to cover all his bases before he’s outsmarted by his son again.

Azarin doesn’t care about himself. He could spend the rest of his life in prison and not care...but he  _ does _ care about Zuko. He refuses to let Zuko face the same fate as him. Zuko has to be free from his father if he has any chance of becoming the person Azarin knows he can be.

“I’ll go,” the words come out of him more easily than he expects them to, considering his body is starting to shake from seeing his father again. Still, he looks the man in the eye. “As long as you don’t hurt Zuko, and he goes  _ free, _ I’ll come with you willingly.”

“Azarin, no!” Zuko’s voice comes from the ramp of the ship; he’s running down into the port but is stopped by the circle of guards surrounding Azarin and Zhao. “Don’t do this!”

Zhao motions the guards and they apprehend Azarin, forcing his hands behind his back. “It’s too late, Prince Zuko. He’s coming with me... _ willingly.” _ The last word rolls off Zhao’s tongue like a dagger.

“He’s going to the North Pole, Rin!”

“Men, please escort the extremely  _ loud _ prince back to his unmanned ship,” Zhao says, then starts walking away. The guards holding Azarin follow.

Zuko somehow pushes his way past them. “He’s going to the North Pole to capture the Avatar, he’s going to  _ kill _ Katara if she gets in his way, Azarin.”

The fact that Zuko cares so much about Azarin’s fake crush working out absolutely breaks him. Just when Zuko starts on the path he’s meant to be on, Azarin is being forced to leave.

“Silence him!” Zhao snarls, and not a moment later a soldier punches Zuko in the stomach. Azarin bends fire from his hands to get the guards holding him to let go, then jumps in front of his father in an offensive bending stance.

“If Zuko gets hurt, I  _ don’t _ come willingly,” Azarin says, hands on fire. “And we all know I can beat you in a fight,  _ dad.” _

“Enough of this teenage insolence!” He sends a stream of fire toward Azarin, who jumps over it and kicks Zhao in the chest. The man falls to the ground with a hard thump, Azarin standing over him.

“Like I said, I’ll come willingly. Just don’t hurt Zuko. Got it?” Azarin holds out a hand to help his father off the ground.

Zhao looks up at Azarin, frustrated look on his face, but takes his son’s hand. “You have a deal. I won’t harm your precious prince.”

Smiling, Azarin shakes his father’s hand. His mind is screaming at him to get as far away from Zhao as possible, but that is no longer an option. He’ll have to overcome his fear of his father a lot sooner than he had expected to.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


While he had been on Zuko’s ship, Zhao had Iroh gather Azarin’s things. It’s all waiting for him in his new room on his father’s ship, which he’s locked into as soon as he gets there. It isn’t surprising, but what  _ is _ surprising is his father isn’t chaining him up and torturing him more. Azarin can’t feel safe here, though. He knows the torture will come, eventually.

When his door opens a few hours later, Azarin expects Zhao, but it’s a guard. “Your father wants you at dinner with him immediately.”

Azarin raises a brow at the man, sitting up from his bed. “That’s great. Tell him it’s nice to want things.”

“Admiral Zhao told me to use force if necessary.”

“Really?” Azarin laughs. “You saw me take him down earlier, right? If I can take down the Admiral so quickly, what makes you think  _ you _ can use any kind of force on me? I am his son, after all.” The man doesn’t respond, but reaches for Azarin; he shoves the other back and stands up. “Do  _ not _ touch me. I said I would come with him willingly, I didn’t say I would be doing everything Zhao asks.”

“You will eat your meals with Admiral Zhao, or you will not eat at all. Those are his orders. If you are choosing to not eat, I will leave you alone.”

Azarin rolls his eyes, but realizes he’s extremely hungry. If Zhao is giving him food this time, he really shouldn’t refuse it. Sighing, he starts walking toward the door. “Whatever, I’ll go. Will there be wine?”

The guard shuts the door to Azarin’s room, then begins leading Azarin through the ship. “You are not allowed to drink alcohol, you’re—”

“Seventeen, I know,” Azarin cuts him off. “But I’ll be nineteen before you know it, and my abusive father has me trapped on his ship until further notice. You want me to  _ not _ drink alcohol?”

“I have no opinion, sir,” is the guard’s response, but Azarin looks at him pointedly for a moment. “Admiral Zhao can drive some of the crew to drink, sometimes. Can’t imagine having him as a father.”

Azarin pats the man on the back, amused. “Precisely why I need wine, pal.”

They walk in silence for a bit. Zhao’s ships are always infinitely larger than Zuko’s, so getting to anywhere within it is probably going to take a while. Azarin notices the lack of positive energy here...not that being around Zuko is inherently positive, but with Iroh around no one can ever be too serious for long. Azarin is  _ really _ going to miss Iroh and Zuko both.

“Is it true the Admiral burned you when you were a child?” The guard asks, completely out of the blue. “He uses that as a way to intimidate us a lot. ‘I burned my own son, what makes you think I won’t throw you off the ship?’ ...things like that. None of us ever think it’s true.”

Azarin unties the sash keeping his shirt together, exposing the burned side of his chest and neck. “I was thirteen.”

“Why did he do it?”

“Do you really wanna know?” At this point, Azarin has nothing left to lose. Why not expose the secret his father has been ashamed of for the last almost five years? The guard nods as they turn a corner. “I’m in love with Prince Zuko. My father burned me after I told him, said if I told anyone he’d kill me. Now even after four years I’m still too afraid to tell Zuko.”

The guard is silent for a few moments as they walk. “That’s pretty messed up, but I’m not surprised. All the Admiral cares about is gaining more power. Having a son that likes other boys, in his eyes, would hinder that.”

Azarin is shocked at that response. “How is it that even his crew sees how fucked up he is, but he thinks he’s doing nothing wrong, that  _ I’m _ the sinner?”

“Power,” the guard responds, shrugging. “Some people can’t handle it. It turns them into monsters. It’s why I didn’t take up his offer to become a commanding officer a few weeks ago. I don’t want to become something I’m not.”

“Yeah...he wants me to do the same thing.” Azarin lets out a breath. “The only difference between you and me is he said he’d kill me if I don’t take it.”

“He also has plans to kill Prince Zuko and General Iroh,” the guard says this so lightly that Azarin almost doesn’t catch it.

“What?”

“Yeah, it’s why he wanted to separate you from them and take their crew. He plans to hire someone to kill them. He’s offered General Iroh a position several times and he hasn’t taken it, and the prince is always getting in his way.” The man stops walking. “Would he even get punished by the Fire Lord if Prince Zuko is banished?”

Azarin’s fists are clenched. His blood is boiling. “Believe me, there is no one on this earth that wants Zuko dead more than Fire Lord Ozai. Zhao would probably be promoted again.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you knew, I thought he told you.”

_ I won’t harm your precious prince. _

“No, he said  _ he _ wouldn’t hurt Zuko, but if he’s hiring someone else to do it, he isn’t causing direct harm to Zuko, is he? I’m not shocked at all that he’s finding a way to go back on his word for his own gain.” Azarin looks at the guard while they stand in front of the dining hall. “I won’t say anything. If he knows you told me, you’ll be punished.” The guard doesn’t say anything else, just bows to Azarin and moves to stand guard at the door while Azarin enters.

Azarin feels like he’s stepped back in time when he sees his father sitting on the other side of a long table, no one else in the room. He’s reminded of all the awkward dinners with Zhao at the palace and he has to close his eyes for a moment to keep himself from reacting terribly.

“I see you decided to come,” Zhao says, smile prominent as he gestures for Azarin to sit down. “I have to say I’m shocked. Please, sit. General Iroh sent your favorite tea blend with your things.”

When Azarin sits across from Zhao he feels his chest tighten and his body begin to react. He tries extremely hard to make it stop, but he smells something familiar coming from a teacup on the table in front of him. He picks up the cup and sniffs it; it’s the tea Iroh had made for him when they talked, the one that kept Azarin’s body from reacting the way it wants to when he thinks about his father. Azarin gulps the entire cup as quickly as possible.

“Thanks for actually giving it to me, instead of using it as leverage to get me to do what you want,” Azarin looks up at Zhao, smirking.

His father laughs, the sound is terror to Azarin’s ears. “Even I know that once you find your perfect cup of tea, anything else tastes like sewer water.”

“But wouldn’t you  _ love _ to torture me by making me drink sewer water?”

“I am not the devil, Azarin, as much as you might like to think I am.” Zhao says this as if he didn’t spend days torturing Azarin for absolutely no reason, but Azarin doesn’t get the chance to respond. What he assumes are the ship’s cooks come into the room with steaming plates of food, already prepared into portions for them. Zhao must really think highly of himself, considering Azarin never even got this treatment at the Royal Palace.

Azarin smells the food and immediately starts eating. His father doesn’t speak, which Azarin is grateful for. Being sarcastic with a mouth full of food would be difficult, but damn if Azarin wouldn’t try his best to do it should the need arise.

“I have something I need to talk to you about,” Zhao’s tone loses its edge; Azarin wonders why.

“You’re gonna chain me to a wall? Burn my entire body? Light me on fire?”

Zhao rolls his eyes. “Will you hush for a single moment? Your pointless backtalk is endless.”

Smiling, Azarin sips his water and leans back in his seat. “Not pointless...you’re annoyed aren’t you?”

_ “As I was saying,” _ Zhao continues, and Azarin can’t wait to hear what new thing his father has planned for him. It might not be directly torturous, but it would be eventually most likely. “I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot change you.”

“Really? Who would have thought!” Azarin acts shocked, but his father ignores him.

“If I can’t change you, then I can’t hide you. Your love for the prince has kept you faithful and loyal to him even in the face of banishment, adversity, and torture. I have no choice but to... _ admire _ that.” It seems like the word stings coming from Zhao’s mouth. Azarin still isn’t sure what he’s getting at, so he just listens. “I used force to capture you because I knew you wouldn’t meet with me otherwise. I need you to know that I approve.”

Azarin blinks, still unsure of what’s happening. “Approve of...what, exactly?”

“You, Azarin. Who you are, who you love, who you’ve grown to be. I know I had little to no input on raising you, but you’ve still turned into a man that stands for what’s right and fights until his last breath. As I said before, I have no choice but to admire that.” When Azarin is far too shocked to respond, Zhao continues. “After our victory in the North Pole, you will be free to go. I need a bender like you on the ground out there, but should you choose a life that isn’t in the military, I can’t stop you. And if you want to be with the prince, I also can’t stop you.”

Azarin’s mind is blank. This is absolutely  _ not _ what he’d been expecting when he got here, and he doesn’t know how to react. The tea taking effect doesn’t help much, either. There is something he’s wondering, though... “And when you say  _ be _ with Zuko, that means…?”

“Whatever you want it to mean, Azarin,” Zhao responds, almost immediately. “Date him, or don’t. Date some other boy. I’m done caring about how others perceive my son when the only thing that matters is how I perceive him.”

Slowly, Azarin starts putting the pieces together. “So, you declaring me an enemy of the Fire Nation...was just because you wanted to talk to me about this?”

Zhao shrugs. “My methods might not be the best, but I simply wanted to talk to you. The odds of me getting that chance grow if people everywhere are also looking for you.”

“That’s…” Odd? Weird? Ridiculous? Azarin can’t find the word, but he’s laughing with tears in his eyes. “That’s so fucked up, man. Whatever gets the job done, I guess.” There’s something else tugging at his brain that won’t go away. It feels like a warning, but Azarin isn’t sure until the realization hits him a few moments later.

_ He also has plans to kill Prince Zuko _

_ It’s why he wanted to separate you from them _

_ The prince is always getting in his way _

Azarin wants to stand up and shout, scream, fight, break things, but his body is too relaxed from the tea he drank. It’s a good thing, though. If he let Zhao know he realizes he’s being manipulated, he might be tortured again. Azarin has to be smart about this, he has to find a way to survive, and he  _ has _ to find a way to save Zuko.

“More tea?” Zhao asks, grinning. Azarin feels sick.

“No, thanks,” he responds, eyes focused on his empty plate. “So I’m free to go after you capture Aang in the North Pole? And you won’t try to hunt Zuko anymore?”

“Why would I need to?” Zhao stands, wiping his mouth with his napkin, and begins walking toward Azarin on the other side of the table. “With help from you, I’ll have captured the Avatar myself. The prince won’t be in my way any longer.” He places a hand on his son’s shoulder and it takes everything in Azarin to not flinch back from the touch. “While I  _ hope _ you’ll stay and go through your military training with me, I won’t force you. I’ll even try to talk to the Fire Lord and have him lift your banishment.”

Azarin’s response is immediate. “What about Zuko?”

“That remains up to the Fire Lord himself,” Zhao pauses and pats Azarin’s shoulder. “But I’ll be sure to put in a good word for your boyfriend.” For once, that word doesn’t sound like an insult coming from Zhao, but that’s exactly what makes Azarin’s skin crawl.

“I think...I need to lie down…” Azarin stands, looking his father in the eye for a few moments, then bowing. “Thank you for everything, father.” He begins to walk out of the room, his heart starting to beat faster.

“Azarin,” Zhao calls, and Azarin stops to turn around. His father steps to him. “I’m proud of you, son.”

The feeling in the pit of Azarin’s stomach is indescribable. He feels dizzy and sick and hurt, but mostly he feels naive for believing that his father could ever be anything other than a cruel manipulator. Even if he only believed it for a moment.


	14. battling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zhao has azarin train with the crew.
> 
> chapter theme: don't leave me - bts [click for English translation.](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2018/05/bts-don-t-leave)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

_ “Why didn’t you save me?” _

_ Azarin looks around, trying to find the source of the voice. There’s no one in the hallway, no one in his room. He starts to walk down the hall toward the stairs. _

_ “Why didn’t you help me, Rin?” _

_ The voice most certainly belongs to Zuko...Azarin is sure of it. He starts to run toward the end of the hall, but it seems to get longer and longer the more he moves. He stops, looking around again. He can feel someone watching him. _

_ “Do you really love me if you left me to die at the hands of your father?” _

_ Azarin shakes his head, tears spilling from his eyes. “I  _ **_do_ ** _ love you, Zuko! There’s nothing I could have done...I couldn’t have stopped him…” _

_ “You didn’t even try!” _

_ “I’m so sorry,” Azarin weeps, falling to his knees. “I’m so, so sorry, Zuko.” _

_ Suddenly, the floor disappears from under him and Azarin is falling for what feels like forever. A hand catches his arm and he looks up to see who it is. He’s greeted by his father. When he looks down, where there was nothing but blackness before is now an angry ocean waiting to swallow him whole. He looks back to Zhao. _

_ “Please...help me…” Azarin begs, as his arm is slowly slipping from his father’s grip. _

_ Zhao smirks and leans down to get closer to Azarin. “Burn in hell, son.” _

_ He lets go, and Azarin falls, hitting the icy water hard. _

Azarin sits up abruptly, sweat pouring from all over his skin as he tries to gather himself. He’s in his room on Zhao’s ship, and there’s...someone knocking at the door?

“Azarin, sir, you have a visitor,” the guard at his door says. “I’ve unlocked your door.”

He stands up and takes off his sleep shirt, considering it’s covered in sweat anyway. He tries to wipe the sleep from his eyes and he’s mid-yawn when he opens the door. As soon as he sees the person on the other side, he wakes up a tremendous amount.

“Iroh!” Azarin runs out of the room and wraps his arms tight around Iroh. “I thought I’d never see you again…”

The old man pulls back, sullen look on his face. “I wish it were under different circumstances, Azarin. Come, walk with me.”

Azarin does as he’s told, but he can’t stop himself from worrying. “What’s happened? Where’s Zuko?”

Iroh doesn’t answer. He leads Azarin to another bed quarters in the ship, which he assumes is now Iroh’s own. There isn’t a guard at the door like there is at Azarin’s. After entering, Iroh makes them both chamomile tea.

“Keep your voice down while we talk,” he says, lowly.. Azarin nods, but doesn’t say anything, so Iroh continues. “I believe Admiral Zhao attempted to kill my nephew.”

Azarin takes in a deep breath before responding in almost a whisper. “I know. He apparently hired someone to do it — wait, did you say  _ attempted?” _

Iroh smiles from behind his cup. “Prince Zuko is far more resilient than the men of the Fire Nation believe. Zhao had the pirates from that port blow up our ship with Zuko on board. I also assume he meant to kill me, as well, but I had gone for a night stroll. When I came back, the ship was on fire, and I feared for Zuko’s life. He had jumped into the water at the last minute and survived. He is scraped up and bruised, but he is very much  _ alive.” _

“That’s so incredible!” Relief washes over Azarin and makes him smile; Zuko isn’t dead. “Where is he? Where could he even go?”

“I helped him sneak onto this ship after I pledged myself to Zhao as his War General. He is in a guard’s uniform. I am sure you will run into him sometime on the journey to the North Pole.”

Azarin’s eyes widen, a smile forming on his lips. “I was so afraid I was going to wake up tomorrow and he’d be dead...I was having terrible nightmares all night.”

“Yes...it is very late,” Iroh says, sitting on the bed next to Azarin. “I didn’t want to wake you, but I knew you would want to know this information as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, Iroh. You have no idea how much this makes me feel better…” Azarin lets out a sigh, deciding to fill Iroh in on what’s happened over the last few hours. “I found out through a guard that my father was planning on killing both of you. It was right before he made me have dinner with him, a dinner where he blatantly lied to me and tried to manipulate me into believing he accepts me for who I am, and that I could choose to be with Zuko if I wanted to...but only  _ after _ I help him capture Aang at the North Pole. He said he wants my bending skill while he’s there. He didn’t know that I had found out about his plan to kill Zuko before we ever even left for the North Pole. It was probably a punishment for me being the way I am.”

Iroh shakes his head in disapproval and places a reassuring hand on Azarin’s back. “I am glad you were able to see through his act. It would have devastated you if you believed even for a moment that my nephew was dead.”

Azarin nods, but sips his tea in lieu of responding. He doesn’t want to think about the immeasurable pain he would feel if Zuko was actually dead.

Yawning for about the tenth time since he woke up, Azarin stretches, empty cup in his hand. “I think I’m going to head back to my room and get some sleep. Thank you for the tea and reassurance, uncle.”

Before Azarin can stand from his seat on the bed, Iroh is embracing him. “I was so afraid he would torture you again, that you would lose yourself if you couldn’t get away from your father this time.”

Azarin feels a warmth in his chest for the first time in a long while. He lets himself be comforted and to feel Iroh’s love fall around him, encompassing him like a blanket. He didn’t ever think he would have a father figure worth anything, but Iroh has been there for both him and Zuko for the last two years, when absolutely no one else has. Azarin can’t even begin to explain how grateful he is to have Iroh in his life.

“He’ll never make me lose myself, that’s not possible,” Azarin responds, smiling wide. He can’t help it; even in as terrible of a situation as they’re in, he feels happy. “Not when I have you and Zuko.  _ You _ are my family...not him.”

“I can’t express how much you and my nephew mean to me, Azarin.” Iroh’s voice cracks a bit as he fights back tears. “You boys are everything I have, and I plan to be here for you for as long as you both need me.”

Azarin smiles and stands, bowing to Iroh respectfully. “We will  _ always _ need you, uncle.”

Iroh shoos him out of the room after that, and Azarin has to try his absolute hardest to put on a sullen look so the guards don’t question him. With every guard he passes on the way back to his room, he expects one of them to be Zuko, but he has no such luck. Azarin tells himself that the ship is huge, and Zuko is probably hiding or sleeping somewhere. With the thought of seeing Zuko again fresh in his mind, Azarin drifts into a peaceful sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sadly, over the next few days Azarin doesn’t run into Zuko at all. It worries him a little, but Iroh keeps his hopes up. He insists Zuko is okay, and Azarin has no choice but to believe him. After what his father tried to do to him, Azarin is extremely paranoid that anyone is prone to lying to him, even Iroh. If Iroh didn’t want Azarin to have a breakdown on his father’s ship, he’d lie and say Zuko is alive until they can both find a way to escape Zhao. Azarin loves Iroh, but he can’t trust anyone right now.

Zhao likes to show off how good Azarin is at firebending, even though he has no stake in getting Azarin to the point he’s at in his skill. Even still, Azarin doesn’t mind the training, especially if he’s going to use it against Zhao later on when his father finds out Zuko isn’t dead. It also reminds him of all the times he and Zuko would spend hours training together.

The weather gets colder quickly as they get closer and closer to the North Pole, but while Azarin is training, he has on nothing but trousers. His father insists on pitting half the crew against Azarin all at once; he sweats profusely despite the chill in the air. Azarin doesn’t mind though, considering the  _ genuine _ praise he gets from his father.

Today in particular, it’s early morning and Azarin has accidentally thrown a few benders overboard into the ice cold water below. Instead of helping his crew recover the lost men, Zhao stands on the bridge and laughs.

“Well done, Azarin!” The man says, clapping in approval. “Who’s taking on my son next? You’ll have to be able to survive a fight with him in order to be on the ground taking on the waterbenders at the North Pole.” When no one steps up, Zhao gets a pensive look on his face for a moment, until it turns to a sinister one. He looks beside him, where Iroh stands, watching Azarin stretch down on the deck. “General Iroh, your bending skill is legendary. I take it my son learned from being with you the last few years. Why don’t you take him on and show the crew how it’s done?”

Azarin’s attention is taken to Iroh immediately, and when he sees the shocked look on the old man’s face he stands and addresses Zhao. “I don’t think General Iroh is in the best shape to be fighting, father.”

“Are you scared, Azarin? After all, he  _ is _ the Dragon of the West.” Zhao is clearly trying to bait Azarin, but he isn’t taking it.

He goes to protest again, but Iroh has disappeared from the bridge and is walking out onto the deck. He puts a hand out to prevent Azarin from speaking. “You of all people should know that I never back away from a fight, Azarin.”

“Is that why you left Ba Sing Se before capturing it?” One of the crew members behind them calls out. Azarin turns and sends fire into the small crowd behind him.

“Show respect!” He shouts, trying to keep his anger down. “I didn’t hear any of you willing to fight me.”

“Enough!” Zhao shouts. “Begin.”

Azarin barely gets the chance to bring his eyes down from where his father stood before Iroh is attacking him. He sends blast after blast toward Azarin, but once he gains his footing, Azarin gracefully dodges all of them. One particularly giant stream of fire forces Azarin to jump into a backflip to avoid it. When he comes down, he immediately darts toward Iroh with fire pulsing from underneath his feet, projecting him into the air just enough to then use his right foot to send a wall of fire down onto the deck of the ship. It separates them for a moment while Azarin stands strong, waiting for the fire to dissipate. It doesn’t get a chance to before Iroh pushes through it, taking Azarin by surprise, but only a little.

He dodges more streams of fire from Iroh and sends a fireball back in return, which Iroh doesn’t even dodge; he splits it in half with his hands. Azarin is astonished for only a moment before taking in a deep breath, holding his ground, clenching his fists, and shooting a stream of fire so large that he isn’t even sure where it came from. Again, Iroh splits it with his hands, which makes Azarin extremely frustrated. He doesn’t exactly expect to  _ beat _ Iroh, but he wants to hold his ground even a little.

When he realizes a plan he can enact, he smirks just a little, keeping his hands up to deflect or dodge an attack if necessary. “What’s the matter, hm? Holding back on me?”

“You underestimate yourself,” Iroh responds. Immediately after, he kicks multiple fireballs toward Azarin, who counters with another large stream of fire. When Iroh begins to separate the fire, Azarin stops and cuts to the right quickly. He jumps around the dissipating fire and takes Iroh by surprise, knocking the man down with a few attacks and shooting fire into the deck below him once he’s on the ground. Applause erupts from around them, even from Iroh himself, as Azarin stands with his breaths heavy and sweat dripping from his brow.

“Incredible form, Azarin! Once again, well done,” Zhao’s voice is heard from above them, but Azarin is working on helping Iroh up from the ground.

The old man is smiling wide as he stands, patting Azarin on the back with a heavy hand. “I’m very proud of you, Azarin. Not many have been able to take me down over the years.”

Azarin smiles, speaking low so his father didn’t hear. “Thank you, uncle. Are you alright?”

“I’m—” Iroh starts to respond, but someone from the crew behind them has sent an attack toward them. Azarin moves quickly to block it before it hits Iroh.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Azarin shouts at the man. He remains silent.

“I think someone else finally wants to fight you, son,” Zhao says, sounding amused. “Let’s give him a chance, shall we?”

Azarin is exhausted, but he knows if he protests he’ll never hear the end of it from his father. Taking in a deep breath, Azarin steps toward the man and bows; the other does the same. As soon as they come back up, Azarin attacks repeatedly. The man dodges swiftly, returning the attacks with fervor. He’s extremely agile, Azarin notices; he makes a mental note to move quickly as opposed to standing his ground. He moves in a circle, throwing his legs out one after the other, shooting fire from his feet as well as his hands each time.

It’s a back and forth like this for a long few minutes; the guard gains an advantage by stepping on the ledge of the ship and bringing his foot down near Azarin’s face, but he had quickly avoided that and countered it with an attack of his own. Something about the fight seems familiar, but Azarin can’t afford to be distracted with wondering why.

Azarin finds a weak point at the man’s core...he doesn’t seem to protect it with his arms well. Instead of using bending, Azarin brings his foot to collide with the guard’s ribs as soon as there’s an opening. With a pained grunt he falls to the ground and Azarin thinks it’s over, but something happens that both shocks and elates Azarin. The guard uses his legs and spins them, fire streaming from his feet as he does. It stuns Azarin, who tries to step back to avoid it, but he also knows how to counter it. Just before the man stands again, Azarin catches one of his feet in his hand and shoves the guard forward and into the ground again. He doesn’t get back up.

Azarin knows for a fact that this man is Zuko. He has fought countless guards and troops over the last few days, and none of them seem to know how to do that move. Zuko himself had learned it from Azarin and had quickly mastered it. Zuko may be impatient, but he also learns extremely quickly. Azarin is  _ completely _ sure this is Zuko.

Azarin is panting for breath with his eyes trained on the other. He reaches his arm out and the man takes it; the electricity Azarin feels from the touch is indescribable. He wants to cry and hold Zuko, never let him go, but he knows he can’t. Instead he looks the prince in the eye behind his faceplate and sees the burn scar there, smiling. His heart is racing and relief is washing over his entire body because Zuko is here, he’s alive, and Azarin can’t begin to explain how happy that makes him.

Zuko bows, then returns to the crowd behind them while Azarin turns to address his father once again. “I think I need some rest for a while, if that’s alright, father.”

“Yes, I do believe it’s nearing lunch. We’ll return here at the same time tomorrow, and by the next day we should be arriving at the North Pole.” Zhao steps to the railing of the bridge of the ship, raising his voice. “We will take the waterbenders by surprise and we will finally eradicate them from existence. The Fire Nation is on the path to victory!”

Azarin picks up his shirt from a corner of the deck and uses it to wipe the sweat from his face and neck while he heads back to his room. He knows his father’s speech will be a long one, as they always are. He doesn’t feel like staying to listen.

After he eats an insane amount of egg and rice for lunch, Azarin returns to his room to drink tea and read the few books Iroh had managed to pack with his things. In the back of his mind, he’s still worried about why his bending had stopped working when he had tried to make that fire for Katara, but he hasn’t been able to find anything about it in any of the books he has. He doesn’t want to give up, but at the same time, he shouldn’t be focused on it at the moment. He needs a plan to escape his father, and he needs to come up with one with Zuko.

Later on in the day, Azarin makes the choice to try and find where his father keeps the books and scrolls he  _ knows _ the Admiral has. His father always talked about how knowledge is power, and power without knowledge is weakness. Zhao has to have some sort of library on board his ship, or at the very least a bookcase with all his important texts. Something about the ship’s infrastructure and escape boats would do fine, and maybe if he had time he could look for something about his bending...

“Azarin!”

The sharp whisper takes him by surprise, but he’d recognize that voice  _ anywhere. _ Azarin turns quickly in the hallway and sees Zuko in his guard uniform, slipping off the faceplate on his helmet; Azarin jumps and wraps his arms around Zuko as tightly as possible. He has to suppress tears when the prince hugs him back. His chest fills with warmth in the softest of ways...being around Zuko again even after just a few days was such a familiar feeling that it killed off any negativity that being around his father gave him. He feels safe again, if only for a few moments.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” Azarin says, pulling back to see cuts and bruises and burns all over Zuko’s face. It hurts his heart seeing Zuko like that, more than he would like to admit. “Uncle told me you were here but I was so sure you’d get caught and he’d—”

“Kill me?” Zuko cuts him off with a grin. “Zhao will never be able to kill me.”

Azarin smiles and wipes a tear that threatens to fall. “You’re crazy, but I’m happy you’re not dead.”

“Yeah, I bet, cause I want a rematch,” Zuko’s smile lasts for a moment more before he’s pulling Azarin around the corner of the hallway to hide from another guard that’s passing. “We should go to your room. I have something to talk to you about.”

Nodding even if he’s a little anxious, Azarin leads Zuko back to his quarters and shuts the door behind them. He sits on his bed and watches Zuko take off the guard’s helmet, revealing more and more bruises and scratches. Azarin clenches his fists. “I can’t believe he tried to kill you and thought I wouldn’t find out after being on his ship. I want to  _ murder _ him, Zuko. I hate him so much, I don’t know how long I can fake this.”

To Azarin’s surprise, Zuko smiles as he sits on the floor. “I know, Rin. Maybe you won’t have to for long,” he says, and when Azarin just looks at him in confusion, he continues. “I have a plan, and I want you to come with me. Uncle is too old and it’s easier for him to fake his loyalty to Zhao. You’re bound to blow up at some point.”

_ “Explode _ is more like it,” Azarin responds, making Zuko laugh a little.

“Exactly, but we can both escape and he won’t even notice. We can capture the Avatar and find a way back to the Fire Nation ourselves. You and me are unstoppable, Rin.” Zuko sounds excited and it’s nice to hear him like this again, but Azarin isn’t sure he understands. This didn’t sound like a plan, just a whim.

“I’m not sure I’m getting it…” He says, scratching the back of his neck a little nervously. He doesn’t want Zuko to get angry with him. “What’s the plan?”

“We escape on one of the rescue boats while everyone is sleeping and sneak into the Water Tribe. They’ll be so distracted with Zhao’s attack that they won’t notice us or care, especially if we change our clothes. We find the Avatar, take him by surprise, then steal a Fire Navy ship and go back to the Fire Nation.” Zuko’s voice is determined, and confident. “We can do it. I know we can. I’m supposed to be dead, Zhao will never see it coming and we’re better fighters than any bender he has. We’ve proven that,  _ you’ve _ proven that, Rin. If you beat him in an Agni Kai, you and I both can beat him in a  _ real _ fight.”

Azarin shakes his head, bewildered by all of this. “That  _ was _ a real fight. Just because I didn’t burn him doesn’t mean it wasn’t a real fight.” He runs his hands through his hair, which pulls it down out of its tie. A lot of it falls in his face, but he doesn’t move it. “You know I’ll do anything with you, Zuko. I’ve traveled the world for two years doing anything and everything with you, but this is a suicide mission.”

Zuko looks confused. “What? How?”

“How is it  _ not? _ We’re at the  _ Northern Water Tribe _ , Zuko. Hundreds of these people are waterbenders, the entire city is made out of ice,  _ and _ they have the Avatar on their side.” Azarin pauses a moment, trying to find the right words to tell Zuko that he is absolutely insane and this plan isn’t going to work. “It isn’t my father or his benders I’m worried about, it’s the waterbenders. This isn’t just Katara we’d be fighting...we have no idea how they fight or what level their bending is. We could be walking into a death trap. This isn’t a smart idea, have you told uncle this yet?”

“No, I wanted to talk to you first,” Zuko’s voice has turned dark, and Azarin knows the prince is angry now. “But I can see that was a mistake.”

Azarin sighs. “No, I’m glad you talked to me, maybe I can get you to give up this idea. It isn’t safe and we can come up with another plan together. I was actually on my way to try and sneak into my father’s study and try to find some ways to—”

“We can’t!” Zuko shouts, fire pouring from his hands as he stands up. “ _ This _ is my plan and  _ this _ is what I’m doing, with or without you.”

Azarin’s heart sinks into his stomach. He knows they could both last a while together, but if Zuko does it alone, he’ll most certainly die. Azarin can’t let him do it, he can’t lose Zuko and he’ll take Zuko being alive and angry at him over Zuko being dead. He’ll take that before anything, especially after being so paranoid that Zuko might have been dead for the last few days.

Azarin feels the fresh, hot tears before he realizes he’s crying. He doesn’t like it, he hates crying in front of Zuko, but he can’t control it. His heart feels like it’s breaking. “Please don’t... _ don’t _ do this, Zuko. I can’t go with you, I refuse to die with you like that.” His voice comes out much less strong than he intends.

Zuko’s anger can be felt around them, it’s hot and pulsing from him in waves. “I’m  _ not _ going to die! Why are you like this, Azarin?! Why can’t you trust me and support me like a friend should?”

“This  _ is _ what a friend does, Zuko!” Azarin has stood up as well, tears still falling but he can feel the rage building in him. If Zuko refused to listen to him, he’d  _ make _ him listen. “I’ve been  _ nothing _ but loyal to you for almost three  _ years, _ I’ve fought and been tortured by my father to protect you, I’ve done everything in my power to help you find and capture Aang even if I don’t agree with why you’re doing it!”

“Don’t agree? What don’t you agree with? My father  _ burned _ me and said I can’t come home until I restore my honor by capturing the Avatar! What’s there to agree with, Azarin?!”

“He has a  _ fucking _ name!” At this point, fire is spitting from Azarin’s mouth as he speaks. He knows he’s being extremely aggressive and they could fight because of it, but he’s fed up with Zuko not listening to him. “He’s more than just the Avatar, he’s a  _ kid _ , his name is  _ Aang _ , and he does not deserve to be treated like a damn prize to be won!”

“So now you’re on their side? You’re protecting him?” Zuko sounds the most upset he’s ever been. “Why don’t you go join them, then. Fight me to protect the Avatar and that girl you like.”

Azarin snarls in a way he doesn’t think he’s even capable of. “That is  _ not _ what I meant and you know it.”

“So what  _ do _ you mean, Azarin?” Zuko spits, before shoving Azarin back toward the wall. “Tell me what your plan is to restore my honor  _ another _ way. My father isn’t going to—”

_ “Fuck _ your father, Zuko!” Azarin is shouting much louder than he should be. He quiets before speaking again. “My father burned me too, remember? You don’t see me trying to win back his love by kidnapping a child!” Zuko doesn’t seem to have a response for this, but Azarin can definitely sense that he’s still angry. He honestly doesn’t have it in him to argue anymore. Zuko won’t listen, no matter how fed up Azarin is. “Do whatever you want, Zuko. I won’t try to stop you anymore, but I’m not joining you this time. You’re crazy if you think you’re going to survive fighting hundreds of waterbenders on top of my father.”

“No,  _ you’re _ crazy if you think I won’t hunt you down just like the Avatar for betraying me.”

Azarin is shocked when Zuko says this for some reason. It hits him harder than he expects. Zuko has no issue with turning on Azarin, while Azarin himself has been struggling with how to tell Zuko what he’s doing is wrong for  _ months _ . That tells him all he needs to know.

“Get out,” Azarin says, low. He knows this isn’t going to feel good, he knows his heart is going to shatter into a million pieces if Zuko hates him. But he’s tired of this back and forth, and he will not die with Zuko. “Go on your suicide mission, go hide from my father, do whatever you want. Just get the hell away from me, Zuko.”

The next thing Azarin hears is the door slamming shut.


	15. new perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin makes a decision.
> 
> chapter theme: almost had me - lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vaguely follows book one episode nineteen: the siege of the north part one
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)
> 
> I TRULY URGE ALL OF YOU TO LISTEN TO THE CHAPTER THEME SONG WHILE YOU READ THIS TIME. when i tell you I sobbed writing this.........

Azarin fakes being sick to get out of training the next day. His father doesn’t question him, but he also doesn’t respond when Azarin tells him. Of course Azarin knows Zhao is angry, but he just doesn’t have it in him to defend himself. He doesn’t care. He just wants to stay in bed and cry, but telling his father that wouldn’t go over well at all. He might even come out with another burn somewhere on his body, so it’s best to lie.

He doesn’t sleep. If he tries, he has more nightmares than he ever thinks he’s had in his life. Some about his father, but most are about Zuko; sometimes Zuko dies, sometimes he tries to kill Azarin. Azarin isn’t going to subject himself to that, it’s almost as bad as the torture Zhao put him through. He’d rather be exhausted.

That night, his dinner is brought to him by Iroh. Somehow, he knows Azarin isn’t sick. Maybe he spoke to Zuko about what happened, but he isn’t forcing Azarin to talk about it. They eat together in Azarin’s room, silence blanketing them. Azarin doesn’t really have an appetite, but he forces himself to eat the soup and rice he was given. He feels like this is all a dream and he's going to wake up back on Zuko’s ship at some point, but that doesn’t ever happen. This is the reality he’s in. Zuko hates him, his father is using him and manipulating him, and Iroh has had to pledge his loyalty to Zhao just to survive. Azarin wants everything to go back to the way it was before it all went to hell.

When he’s finished eating most of his food, Azarin puts the tray on the floor and takes the hot teacup in his hands to drink it. He looks at Iroh for a moment, deciding to start a conversation. “Did he tell you his plan?” All Iroh does in response is nod. Azarin lets out a sigh. “When did this all get so fucked up, Iroh? I just want things to go back to normal…”

Iroh shakes his head, looking up at Azarin finally. “It will never be the same again. You and my nephew have reached your separate paths and you both must choose where you want to go from here.”

“I want to stay with him,” Azarin responds, immediately. “I want to be here for him like I’ve always been. But I can’t watch him kill himself, and I refuse to help him send a twelve year old kid to his death.”

Smiling, Iroh reaches from his chair and places his hand on Azarin’s knee. The man has tears in his eyes and Azarin wants to help him...Iroh rarely cries. “I agree with you, Azarin. But Zuko will choose his honor over anything else until he realizes that his honor is his own and always has been. His father cannot give it back to him, because it was never Ozai’s to take in the first place. I’m just disappointed that my nephew can’t seem to realize it yet, and I’m sorry he has pushed you away because of it.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too,” Azarin shifts in his seat, sipping his tea for a few moments. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, uncle. I can’t stay with my father, but I’m afraid if I stay with Zuko we’ll just keep fighting. How did we end up so different? We were raised under such similar circumstances…”

“This is true. However, I believe your father being away, as well as shaming you for being yourself, has taught you that you do not need his approval to be happy. It is far different for Prince Zuko.” Iroh pauses, looking contemplative. “He has been raised around his father his entire life. My nephew has not had as long to detach himself from his father and find out for himself what is right and what is wrong, like you have. Zhao has made it extremely clear that you can never live up to his expectations, and when you realized this, you became your own person.”

“And Zuko is still trying to be his father…” Azarin finishes for Iroh, shaking his head. He can feel tears prickle at his eyes but he pushes them back. He wants to help Zuko become the best that he can possibly be, but it feels like it’s a hopeless mission at this point. “I guess we do have valid reasons to be so different. I just wish he could understand better.”

Smiling, Iroh stands and takes Azarin’s empty tray and teacup from him. “This is why he has you and I. We can’t give up on him, Azarin. I know he can be better, and so do you.”

“But Iroh…” Azarin starts, finally letting a tear fall from his eyes. “It hurts. He hurts me so much. He doesn’t understand how much his words hurt.”

Iroh looks sad, like he knows something that Azarin doesn’t, but he doesn’t respond. He pats Azarin on the shoulder then exits the room, and Azarin is left to another nightmare-filled night.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin is forced to have breakfast with his father. Zhao calls it a “celebratory” one, as they’ll be conquering the Water Tribe today, but Azarin just wants to disappear. He still has no idea what he’s going to do about Zuko because if he lets Zuko go out on his own, he’s letting his best friend walk into his death. Azarin is just too prideful to set aside his own morals to help Zuko. He can’t do it, he can’t feed into Zuko’s insane obsession with being his father, even if Zuko doesn’t realize that’s where it’s coming from.

“Damnit, Azarin, are you even listening to me?” Zhao’s angry tone and fist slamming on the table brings Azarin back from his thoughts quickly.

He looks up at his father, panicking. “I’m sorry, father, I--”

“Save your apologies. I know you must still be mourning Zuko’s death.” Zhao’s tone softens a little and Azarin’s heartbeat slows to a normal level again. “I simply want to share this day wholly and completely with my son. I know you can at least do that much for me, Azarin.”

The audacity of Zhao’s manipulation just gets more and more unbearable for Azarin on a daily basis. He really thinks his son is loyal to him and it  _ would _ be amusing, but Azarin is just over it. Still, he smiles, and nods. “Of course, father. I’m sorry for getting distracted. What were you saying?”

Zhao’s grin is wide. “I was explaining how you will lead the ground troops when we invade. Hopefully, we can start by tonight, but if not I have no issue waiting until morning. I have a plan for something extremely important, and I’ll need your help to keep the waterbenders distracted long enough for me to enact it.”

“What’s the plan?” Azarin asks this with genuine interest, because anything his father has kept secret until now has to be important, and if it’s important to Zhao then it also has to be equally as evil. “If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“I don’t mind at all. I need you informed so you can keep the troops under control and focused.” Zhao downs the rest of his water and stands, making his way toward Azarin. When he reaches his son, he drops a scroll in front of Azarin’s plate. “I plan to kill the Moon Spirit. It resides within the Northern Water Tribe, they built their city around the Moon and Ocean Spirits’ sanctuary. Without the moon the waterbenders will have no power, and the Fire Nation will finally eradicate them from existence.”

Shocked and worried that what his father is saying is true, Azarin picks up the scroll and unrolls it, skimming through the information on it quickly. Everything Zhao said was true. “I don’t know what to say...this is…”

“Magnificent, right?” Not the word Azarin was thinking of, but he’ll let Zhao think it is. “The Fire Nation will never have to deal with waterbenders ever again. Nights will be red and the whole world will be reminded every day before going to sleep that the Fire Nation is superior! How incredible is that, Azarin? And you and I will be written into that history as the father and son who took down the last of the wretched race that is the waterbenders.”

Azarin feels absolutely sick to his stomach, more than he thinks he ever has around his father. This isn’t what he wants and he can’t act like it is, not for much longer at least. His father is going to murder an ageless spirit for the Fire Nation, but mostly for his own glory. He wants to be written into history, but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be done. At least, that’s what Azarin thinks.

Before Azarin can respond, his breakfast is back on his plate in front of him and his vision is blurry, head dizzy. He can feel Zhao’s hands on him, shaking him.

“Azarin, for god’s sake, get it together!” His father sounds furious and calls for someone while Azarin continues to try and puke his guts up. “Get the medic! He’s still sick. I can’t have him vomiting on the battlefield. Azarin  _ must _ be better by the time we invade, he’s crucial to the cause.”

Azarin is rushed to the ship’s medic by a guard, where he’s pumped full of a terrible tasting potion and sent to his room after. He feels completely fine the entire time. The only thing that made him sick was thinking about the genocide his father wants him to help commit.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They reach the Northern Water Tribe that afternoon, and after hearing that Azarin is feeling fine, Zhao wants him on the bridge to help command the first attacks. Azarin doesn’t want anything to do with it, but he acts like he does just so his father won’t suspect that anything is wrong. Azarin wants to leave, he wants to find Zuko and just give up on his pride and leave with his best friend. Anything is better than having a huge pit in his stomach and pain in his heart from witnessing something so horrible about to happen.

After a long while of giving orders that he doesn’t want to give, Azarin finds a quick out when Iroh mentions that night is falling, and that a ground invasion while the moon is full isn’t a smart idea. He starts to back out of the room without being noticed, but of course his father reacts quickly and addresses him, even without taking his eyes off of the now burning city in front of them.

“Leaving so soon, Azarin? We’ve only just begun,” Zhao actually sounds disappointed, and Azarin tries to smile.

“I think I’m going to turn in early tonight. General Iroh is right, and if we’re going to be landing first thing in the morning, we’ll all need rest.” He tries to make it sound convincing and ends it with a respectful bow. “Thank you for including me in your triumph over the Northern Water Tribe, father.”

Zhao turns and steps to Azarin, slapping a hand down on the boy’s shoulder. Azarin tries to suppress the shiver it sends down his spine. “You and I will be legends, son. I hope you’re ready to return to the Fire Nation with honor, Azarin.”

_ Honor. _ How fitting.

Azarin rushes to his room and slams the door shut. He grips his hair and slides to the floor, tears spilling from his eyes uncontrollably. His chest starts burning as he thinks about how the hell he’s going to get out of this situation, how he’s going to escape his father, and how he’s going to stop Zuko from killing himself trying to capture Aang. Not to mention the hundreds of people his father is going to hurt or kill, how will he save them? Zuko doesn’t care about them, he’ll let them all burn just to get his honor back. Azarin has his in the eyes of his father, and he’d rather live without it.

Zuko won’t give up, he won’t stop until he delivers Aang — a kid — to the Fire Lord. Zuko won’t stop until Aang is dead. Azarin can’t believe he’s known this in the back of his mind this whole time and allowed it to happen,  _ helped _ Zuko in trying to capture Aang even. He feels sick just thinking about it; Aang needs to be protected, not killed. Zuko will never understand that. He doesn’t have the heart to understand it.

When Azarin makes the decision to leave, he knows he has nowhere to go. He’s all the way at the North Pole, and if he abandons his father’s crew as well as Zuko and Iroh, he will be without transportation or allies, stranded, and surrounded by freezing temperatures. None of this matters to him more than getting away from Zuko and his obsession, as well as his father.

He packs anything he can fit in a small bag; some tea, bread, cup for water, extra clothes. He’s searching for a lost shoe when he comes across something he forgot he had hidden under the bed...a painted portrait of himself, Zuko, and Azula. He had scratched off Azula some time ago, probably even before he had left the Fire Nation with Zuko. Azarin can’t even count the number of times he had stared at this photo and tried to will himself to stop caring so much about Zuko, to think of him only as a brother and friend, to push any and all romantic feelings for Zuko away.

Azarin burns the portrait into nothing.

“Do you really hate me  _ that  _ much?” Zuko, disguised in his guard uniform, enters Azarin’s room and shuts the door behind him. He studies the surroundings for a moment before the realization strikes. “You’re leaving...why? I thought it was too  _ dangerous _ out there for anyone to survive.”

Azarin tries not to scoff. “Does it matter? You won’t care what my reasoning is. You won’t care either way.”

“That’s  _ not  _ true!” Zuko snaps, sounding eerily like his father.

Azarin looks up at the other. He wants to be kind, to be soft. He wants to let Zuko know that he’ll always be here for him. But even when Azarin  _ does  _ do that, it went unnoticed, and he’s tired of being background noise. “I’m leaving because you continuously put yourself and everyone around you in danger for your own selfish reasons. Your honor being restored in the eyes of someone who couldn’t care less whether you lived or died, is more important to you than your best friend and your uncle...more important to you than your own morals.” The older boy pauses for a moment and takes in a breath. “You’re willing to risk it all for this  _ one  _ thing; capturing the Avatar and returning to the Fire Nation as the Royal Crowned Prince. But that isn’t my destiny just as much as it isn’t yours, and I am absolutely  _ tired  _ of risking my life for you just to have you go off on a suicide mission to capture the Avatar.”

As much as he wishes it wouldn’t happen, Azarin can feel his eyes beginning to well with tears, but still, he continues on, so long as Zuko is still listening. “Do you know what your father will do to that boy when you bring him back? Surely you have to know. Surely you’ve thought about it in the last two years, especially when we found out he was just a kid.” Azarin stands, feeling the tears in his eyes starting to roll down his cheeks. “Your father will  _ kill  _ Aang, a twelve year old boy, just so he can be the most powerful being on the planet. That is  _ wrong _ , Zuko. You and I both know it is...and I refuse to play a part in this story anymore if that’s how it ends.”

Zuko looks furious. Azarin doesn’t think he has ever seen Zuko filled with so much anger, so much hatred. “So where will you go, then? You’ll become an enemy of the Fire Nation if you leave Zhao, and no other place will welcome a firebender. You have nothing.” Not surprising to Azarin, Zuko’s pride blinds him from seeing anything other than what serves him.

It takes Azarin a few moments to get out the words because he knows it will sting Zuko, and there’s still a large part of him that wants nothing more than to keep Zuko from being hurt. He lets out a sigh, beginning to walk out of the room. “I have my honor. Good luck finding yours.”

Azarin is not shocked when Zuko attacks, he only catches the prince’s flaming hand before it can collide with his own head. Zuko is quite literally  _ steaming _ around Azarin’s grip on his fist. “If I see you again, I  _ will  _ kill you.”

“And what will killing me solve?” Azarin poses the question flippantly, feeling a flashback to when he was nervously watching Zuko in the river at the Eastern Air Temple. His feelings about Zuko could not have been more different from then to now. The realization is slowly burning a painful hole in his chest. “I know you’re angry, Zuko, but you can’t beat me in a fight and you know it. Don’t waste your energy. Save it for trying to capture Aang if that’s what matters to you most.”

With that, Azarin lets go of Zuko’s fist. The prince drops it to his side, eyes wide as he stares at the other. Azarin thinks he can see the smallest hint of a tear in Zuko’s eyes. “Go. If your father catches you, he’ll put you in prison and torture you again.”

When Zuko shuts his eyes tightly, Azarin confirms the other is crying. The pang of guilt that runs through him is short-lived, but it has him questioning everything in a few short moments. If he leaves now, Zuko will never know how he feels, how he’s always felt. Maybe it could save this situation; maybe Zuko would give up his obsessive behavior for Azarin, for happiness.

_ Say it. Tell him you love him.  _ **_Say it_ ** _. _

“Go, Azarin!  _ Leave _ !” Zuko emphasizes his statement by sending flames Azarin’s way, tears falling heavily from his eyes.

The burning in his chest completely overtakes him, and Azarin leaves the room nearly tripping over the threshold on the door because he can’t see through the water in his eyes. He tries to move quickly but is stopped by a hand on his arm; he panics for a short moment before realizing it’s Iroh.

“Please, Azarin…” the elder’s voice is pleading, pain in his eyes. “He needs you.”

Before Azarin can try to respond, giant flames push out the door of his room down the hall, along with a shout of frustration from Zuko. Azarin looks at Iroh, pulling his arm from the man’s grip. “Looks like he needs his pride more.”

Iroh lets him go. He wraps his arms around Azarin so tight that he can barely breathe. His tears soak into Azarin’s shirt. “I understand. Please know that I love you, Azarin.” Iroh pulls back and takes Azarin’s hands in his own, attempting a smile. “You are just as much a son to me as my nephew is. Here,” Iroh reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of unmarked money, as well as a Pai Sho tile. “Take my lotus tile and use it for comfort. It has many other uses, as well. Do not underestimate it.”

Azarin wants to sob more, but he controls himself the best he can as he takes the gifts from Iroh. His chest is tight and burning, but he bows low. “Thank you, uncle. For everything. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“Do not apologize for following your heart,” Iroh responds immediately. He makes a shooing motion with his hands. “Go, now. Before Zuko walks out of that room.”

With another bow and his tears dripping onto the floor, Azarin steps around Iroh to try and find an escape off of the ship.


	16. switching sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: burn it - agust d [click for English translation.](https://genius.com/Genius-english-translations-agust-d-burn-it-ft-max-english-translation-lyrics)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book one episode nineteen: the siege of the north part one
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

It takes everything within Ursa to act like she has no clue who Azarin is. This boy means so much to her already and she hasn’t even met him yet, but she knows she’s going to love him. If he’s anything like Manami, she will love him with her entire heart and more. She only hopes that she can keep everything a secret as much as possible. Ozai can’t suspect anything...Ursa is almost positive he would kill her.

When she sees him for the first time, she’s frozen in shock for the longest time at just how much he looks like Manami. It almost brings her to tears, but she controls herself well. She always has, especially around Ozai. It takes the boys a while to get ready for dinner that day, and Azula is as frustrating as ever, but after dinner is when Ursa gets a while to herself. She takes this time to exit the palace silently, making sure the children are in their rooms and Ozai is otherwise occupied.

She filters through the darkened streets with her hood up, making her way to the cemetery where Manami is buried. Ursa finds the grave quickly; the flowers she had left the last time she visited were still alive, but just barely. She places the freshly picked bouquet on top of the minimally decorated stone. Sitting in the grass and pulling her hood down, Ursa lets out a sigh before speaking.

“He’s beautiful, my love,” she starts, smiling even though a tear threatens to fall from her eye. When it does, she wipes it away quickly. “Azarin is everything I hoped he would be. He and Zuko get along so well that you’d think they were actual brothers. I wish you could see them, Manami. I...I miss you so much that it’s almost unbearable. It’s only been a few weeks...how am I going to get through this without showing _any_ kind of grief?”

Ursa lets her tears fall, sobs sending trembles throughout her body. The amount of emptiness she feels from losing Manami can’t be measured, and she doesn’t think she will ever heal from this loss. Ozai isn’t the man he once was, Iroh is off at war, and now her lifelong love is dead. She feels alone, more alone than she thinks anyone could ever feel...but at least she has her children. And now, Azarin.

Lifting her head to look at the gravestone, Ursa wipes her tears away with her sleeve. “I promise I’ll take care of Azarin and love him like my own. He radiates your light, Manami...I won’t let Zhao put it out. I promise.” When she finishes, she presses her lips to the stone in front of her then stands. “I love you so much. I will _always_ love you, and I promise you that your son will never make the same mistakes that we did. Azarin will know love and patience and fearlessness, and he will know that it comes from his mother.”

Ursa runs her fingers over the engraved bracelet around her wrist as a final tear rolls down her cheek, then returns to the palace alone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin is trapped.

He’s freezing and wet, sitting against a wall of ice and trying to warm himself the best he can without bending. Of course, the moment he decides to go out on his own in the North Pole is the same time his bending decides to stop working again. He can’t find a way out of this ice cave and he’s starting to think he’s going to die here, that he should have stayed with his father and dealt with everything that entails. He knows he’s wrong, though.

Azarin rubs his hands together, then breathes on them, pressing them against the walls around him as hard as possible. He can feel the ice melting, but not enough to break and create an opening for him to go through. He curses under his breath and stands up, hands forming into fists. With a shout of indignation, Azarin punches the wall behind him over and over, praying that _something_ would happen. When nothing does and he’s left panting for breath, he sends his foot at full force toward the wall; it punctures the ice, but now his foot is even more cold and _stuck_ in the wall.

_“Fucking hell,_ could this night get any worse?!” Azarin speaks to no one out of frustration, trying to pull his foot out of the ice. It takes a while to get it free, but when he does the ice around the hole begins to crumble and creates an opening for him to barely get through. Sighing in relief, Azarin follows the tunnel as far as it will go, then kicks through the wall that stops him again.

After pulling back more and more of the ice around the opening, he notices that there’s something going on in the room he’s about to break into. Azarin looks and sees fire and water moving back and forth in a fierce fight, realizing that Katara is fighting someone to protect Aang, who is sitting on a patch of grass meditating. His eyes are glowing like they did when he attacked Zuko’s ship months ago, but he isn’t moving. Azarin thinks he must be helpless and that’s why Katara is fighting to protect him, so he tries bending again to speed up the process of breaking through the wall. It works.

Smiling, he drops down and sprints across a bridge, sending a giant stream of fire toward whoever Katara is fighting. She turns quickly and mistakes him for an enemy, using the water around her to push him back.

“So you two decided to wait until Aang was completely defenseless to take him?!” She screams, and Azarin is confused until he sees who she had been fighting.

Zuko.

Moving quickly, Azarin pushes past Katara and bends a wall of fire toward Zuko. It pushes the prince into the water surrounding them, and Azarin turns back toward Katara. “I am _not_ here to fight you, I’m not here with Zuko, and I’m not here to take Aang.” He searches for the words he wants frantically, not exactly sure of what he’s even doing here. “I-I want to help.”

Katara’s expression softens. She looks like she wants to respond, but her eyes widen and she points behind him. “Azarin, look out!”

Azarin turns at just the right moment to block a fireball from Zuko with his own attack. Katara backs him up with a few blocks of ice that Zuko swiftly melts. He runs toward Azarin, jaw clenched and fists flaming. Azarin jumps to the side at the last minute and hooks his arms through Zuko’s own, pulling tight and hearing Zuko hissing in pain.

_“Arrogant,_ hot-headed prince,” Azarin says, next to Zuko’s ear. “I told you before, you can’t beat me in a fight.”

“No, but I _can_ beat her,” Zuko punctuates his sentence with a kick toward Katara, sending a fireball her way that she narrowly blocks with water. Azarin shoves Zuko forward, about to attack, but the prince beats him to it and makes Azarin stumble backward. Zuko grins. “What’s wrong, Azarin? Afraid I’ll hurt your girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” Katara questions, eyes wide.

Azarin can’t speak. He’s filled with so much rage as well as panic...he just stands on the other side of Zuko, fists clenched, while the prince acts like he’s _actually_ doing something.

“Yeah, he likes you, didn’t he tell you?” Zuko’s attention goes from Katara to Azarin, and he narrows his eyes at the older boy. “He’d rather be here with you than stay with the best friend he grew up with.”

Katara’s eyes find Azarin’s, but he looks to Zuko. “You know I didn’t leave because of Katara. Are you _this_ much of a child that you can’t take responsibility for your own actions?”

“Enough talking!” Zuko shouts just before spreading his arms out, sending fire toward both Katara and Azarin at the same time. Azarin leaps over it, then kicks flames at Zuko repeatedly. He and Katara push Zuko to the edge of the water with attack after attack, then Katara sends a giant wave over him, freezing it instantly. Zuko is frozen against the wall, stuck inside the ice, and unconscious.

Both panting for breath, Azarin and Katara look at each other. This isn’t the time to get into the details of everything, but Azarin knows Katara is going to ask. He can see it in her face.

“Is what Zuko said true?” She questions, as if on cue. Azarin has no idea how to respond.

“I mean...yeah?” He doesn’t sound sure of himself at all, because he isn’t. But maybe if Katara believes he likes her, he’ll have somewhere to go and he won’t be alone. Azarin knows it’s wrong, but everything is so chaotic at the moment that he’s just trying to survive. He’ll tell her the truth later.

Katara brings Azarin out of his thoughts by throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace. He can feel her smiling against his chest. “I knew you were good, Azarin. I knew it,” she looks up at him, tears in her eyes. “I...I like you too. I tried not to, but I just knew there was something about you…”

Azarin is almost _glad_ that the sun rises and Zuko melts the ice around himself, because pretending to like a girl is apparently infinitely more difficult for him than faking loyalty to his father had been.

Zuko sends flames toward them, separating them as Katara tries to block the attack with water. The sheer force behind the attack sends her flying though, and her body collides hard with a tree behind them. Azarin immediately begins fighting Zuko relentlessly, anger pouring out of every flame. Zuko will stop at nothing to restore his honor and hurt anyone in his way, but Azarin will now fight until his last breath to prevent him from doing so. He is _absolutely_ done trying to reason with Zuko.

Amongst his rage, Azarin forgets exactly where Aang is sitting and backs right into him, tripping and falling hard onto his back. He can’t breathe for a long while and when he gets the air back into his lungs, Zuko has Aang and is getting away with him up the ice. Azarin tries to follow, but his back is badly bruised and he can barely walk, let alone climb an entire wall of ice and fight Zuko. He decides that making sure Katara is okay is his only option.

He moves to her, shaking her shoulders lightly. “Katara, wake up!” He reaches over to get a handful of water to splash Katara with from the pool Aang had been sitting in front of, but his memory flashes with images of the scroll his father had shown him the morning before. The koi in the pond look _exactly_ like the ones pictured on the scroll as the Moon and Ocean spirits. Azarin feels something cold wash over him, but it definitely isn’t ice.

“A-Aang?” Katara’s voice weakly calls from beside him, drawing his attention to her. “Azarin? Where’s Aang?”

He shakes his head as she stands up and looks around. “Zuko got away with him. He went above the ice wall after I tripped and hurt my back.”

“AANG!” Katara calls, loudly, but she turns back to Azarin when he says his back is hurt. “Let me heal your back--”

“No, it’s fine, you go find Aang. I have to stay here.”

She looks at him strangely, gathering water around her hands and lifting his shirt to heal his back anyway. “Why do you have to stay here?”

The water on his back feels absolutely magical, and soon the pain is completely gone. He stands and points to the koi in the pond. “Those fish are the Moon and Ocean spirits. My father plans to kill the Moon Spirit, which will take away any and all bending power from waterbenders. I can’t let him do that.”

Katara doesn’t respond immediately. She narrows her eyes at him after a few moments and Azarin wonders why, until she shoves him back angrily. “You’re going to do it, _you’re_ going to kill the Moon Spirit for your father. That’s why you let Zuko get away with Aang, isn’t it? This was your plan all along!” She doesn’t even give Azarin a chance to argue before she attacks him.

Azarin dodges it, but doesn’t retaliate. He puts his hands out in front of him; he doesn’t want to fight her, he just wants her to understand. “No, Katara, no! I didn’t _let_ Zuko get away, I was hurt and I knew I wouldn’t last in a fight against him, plus you were _unconscious_ and I wanted to make sure you were okay!” He really hopes Katara believes him, because if she can incapacitate Zuko so quickly like she did, there’s no telling what she could do to Azarin when he’s had absolutely no sleep whatsoever.

Thankfully, Katara lowers her hands and Azarin can see tears falling from her eyes. She drops to her knees with her head in her hands. “He’s our only hope to beat the Fire Nation…” Azarin joins her on the grass, placing a hand on her shoulder for comfort. He starts to respond, but he sees Aang’s bison flying into the sanctuary with Sokka and a white-haired girl on its back.

Sokka immediately gets off and rears back his boomerang, glaring at Azarin. “Get _away_ from my sister!”

“Sokka, no, it’s okay,” Katara says, standing and putting herself between her brother and Azarin. “He’s on our side. He fought Zuko to protect Aang, and he just told me his father’s plan to kill the Moon Spirit!”

The girl behind Sokka gasps in shock, but Sokka slowly lowers his boomerang, eyes softening. “I guess you were right about him, Katara…”

“None of this matters,” Azarin says, anxious that his father could walk in on them at any moment. “You guys _have_ to find Aang and get him back from Zuko. I’ll stay here and protect the Moon and Ocean Spirits. My father doesn’t care as much about Aang as he does becoming infamous in Fire Nation history, so if you can get Aang back here safely, we can all fight together.”

Sokka nods. “He’s right. We need to find Aang, but what about Zuko? You’re not gonna be upset if he dies?”

“Sokka!” Katara exclaims, and Azarin takes in a deep breath, because he hasn’t exactly thought that deeply into it. His emotions are all over the place and he isn’t sure how to answer honestly. He does know, however, that these people have endured endless torture at the hands of Zuko, so he says what he thinks will go over well with them, even if it isn’t what he _truly_ feels.

“Do what you want with Zuko. He doesn’t matter to me anymore.”

Sokka looks shocked. “Well, you don’t have to tell me twice! Let’s go, Katara!” He helps the other girl climb onto the back of Appa, but Katara stays put, looking sadly at Azarin.

“But, Azarin,” Katara starts, shaking her head. “You don’t have to do this alone. Your father _tortured_ you...”

Azarin puts his hands on her shoulders and looks her in the eyes, speaking firmly. “I am _not_ afraid of my father. _Go,_ Katara.” With a nod, she finally follows her brother and they fly off, into the snow above.

Azarin runs his fingers over the bracelet on his wrist for a moment, then sits in front of the pool, breathing deeply, and waits for Zhao.


	17. twisted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: nightmare - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book one episode twenty: the siege of the north part two
> 
> tw: death, blood
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

_“I didn’t think I’d ever get through to you, silly boy,” the voice is soft and melodic, with the most comforting edge to it. Azarin looks up to be greeted by the faint form of his mother. “You’re almost as dense as Zuko.”_

_Feeling warmth and the feeling of home wash over him, Azarin jumps to his feet and runs to his mother, embracing her tightly. This is the first dream he’s ever had with her in it where she isn’t crying out for help, or just a disembodied voice. He’s somehow extremely aware that this is a dream, that he’s definitely fallen asleep in the sanctuary while he waits for Zhao to show up, but he’ll take a faded memory of his mother over sitting in silence waiting to fight his father any day._

_They’re in the palace back in the Fire Nation, but it’s completely empty. No Ozai, Ursa, Azula, Zuko, or even servants. It feels a bit eerie, but all Azarin cares about is seeing his mother._

_“I miss you so much,” Azarin says, wanting to cry, but nothing comes out. Manami smiles at him; she’s his height, if not a little shorter. Azarin thinks he needs to stop growing._

_“I know you do, Azarin. I miss you too,” she says this softly, with Azarin’s hair between her fingers. “I wish I could be there to help you through everything that’s happening right now, but you’re becoming such a strong man that I very much believe you wouldn’t even need me anymore.”_

_Azarin shakes his head and feels his heart sink. “No, no, no, I need you, mom, I-”_

_“I know, sweetheart. You’ve just grown up so much...I miss the little troublemaker I was raising.” She places a warm hand on his cheek, soft smile pulling at her lips._

_“I definitely still get into trouble,” Azarin responds, quickly. “Look at what’s happening now...I’ve made a mess.” And ‘mess’ is definitely an understatement, Azarin thinks._

_Manami takes Azarin’s hand in her own, pulling him to walk next to her down the empty and silent corridors. “You’re finding your true path, dear. Don’t worry, it’s not a mess.”_

_“How is it not?” Azarin questions in disbelief. “I’m even lying to Katara about liking her just so she’ll let me stay with her and her friends…”_

_Surprisingly, his mother rolls her eyes. “You think Ursa and I never had those moments? If we didn’t, you and Zuko would not even exist.”_

_Azarin has to admit that she has a point. He shrugs, but is silent for a few moments as they walk. “Why did you never tell me about her, mom? I wouldn’t have said anything to Zhao...I never would have risked your life like that.”_

_“It had nothing to do with you, Azarin, please know that. We feared that the consequences of it getting out would be far greater than any cost of our loved ones not knowing. We suffered endlessly because of it.” She shakes her head and squeezes Azarin’s hand a little tighter. “Ursa struggled with her love for both Ozai and myself up until the very end. She pushed me away countless times because she didn’t want to ruin her children’s lives. Even when Iroh came back from war to help keep our secret again, she would come to me in tears and we would end up fighting.”_

_“But I don’t understand...why was it so difficult to be together if you loved each other?”_

_“Why is it so difficult for you to confess when you know you love Zuko?” When Azarin has no response for this, his mother pats him on the back lightly. “Things aren’t as simple as just being together, sometimes. We let what people around us might think control how we acted...we let it control our relationship. In the end it kept us apart and unhappy. When I made plans to send you to Ursa, I wanted you to have the chances that we never did. She was the only person I trusted to raise you -- other than Iroh of course, but he’s had his share of raising you too, now.”_

_Azarin takes in all of this information and tries to process it. It seems like every time he dreams now, there’s someone there waiting to tell him more about his life that he didn’t know before. Somehow, he feels like this isn’t just a figment of his imagination, though. He feels like he’s actually speaking with his mother, or maybe her spirit. He doesn’t have the time to get caught up in figuring it out at the moment, though._

_“Do you think Zuko will ever love me?” It isn’t the question he had expected to ask, but it’s a valid one either way._

_Manami stops, turning to face her son. “He already loves you, Azarin. You just have to make him fall **in** love with you. Easy, right?” _

_Azarin laughs, albeit sadly. “If that’s so easy, why hasn’t it happened yet?”_

_“Because your father has hindered you from being yourself by threatening your life,” she answers confidently. Azarin already knows this, but he isn’t opposed to hearing the confirmation from his mother. “I’ve seen you flirt with that Water Tribe boy. You do it so effortlessly because that’s just who you are. But the thought of flirting that openly with Zuko scares you, not only because of your father’s conditioning but because you love him, and if he rejected you it would crush you.”_

_“I…” Azarin starts, almost at a loss for words at how well his mother is able to understand him. Then again, this is_ **_his_ ** _dream. “I couldn’t handle him rejecting me. I’d feel like my entire life would have been for absolutely nothing.”_

_His mother takes his face in her hands, eyes becoming sharp and serious. “You are far more than just Zuko’s best friend. Your life is not meant to serve him. You have already proven that you’re more than that by making the decision to do the right thing, Azarin. Zuko’s rejection or acceptance of you will never define who you are...you are already the man I knew you would grow to be and_ **_more_ ** _.”_

_Azarin’s heart fills with what feels like love, but also something else. It feels like hope._

_Just as he goes to respond, his mother slowly fades into nothing and Azarin is alone in the palace, feeling the earth begin to shake beneath him. The massive columns around him crumble and he runs down the hallway to avoid being crushed. He ends up in Ursa and Ozai’s bedroom and there’s something on the bed that looks like a letter. Azarin moves to read it but it’s difficult with the earthquake that’s happening all around him. The only things he can make out are his name along with “firebending” and “magic” ...Azarin has no idea what this means but he can’t stay to find out._

_When he exits the palace, it crumbles to the ground. Azarin notices that the night sky is unusually dark, but there’s also a strange red tint to everything. It all flickers between red and gray so much and so fast that Azarin feels sick and dizzy. He tries to walk, but ends up falling to the ground, hitting his head hard._

Azarin’s eyes open slowly, his vision blurry. The warmth of the room around him envelopes him slowly and he takes in a deep breath as he sits up from the grass. He’s still alone in the sanctuary, but he can hear the door across the room being pounded on. He stands quickly and not a moment later, Fire Nation troops break through the door and filter through the entrance. Zhao follows behind them.

When he notices Azarin, he laughs, but Azarin stays put in a fierce bending stance. He’s ready to strike at any moment, even as his father crosses the bridge and onto the grass. “Guards, watch the entrance and keep an eye out for the Avatar. I’d like some moments with my traitorous son,” Zhao orders, and the troops exit the room. He steps toward his son slowly. “I have to say, Azarin, you had me fooled for quite a long time.”

“You’re an easy one to fool. Power and glory is all you care about. I said I would help you get it, and you believed me…” Azarin smirks, looking his father in the eye as he guards the pool behind him. “It isn’t my fault you’re stupid enough to think that someone you tortured and manipulated would turn around and be loyal to you.”

Zhao narrows his eyes, clearly angry, but doesn’t move any closer to Azarin. “Is it stupid of me to want to go down in history with my own son?”

“You tried to _kill_ the person I love!” Azarin shouts. He can feel his anger begin to boil, but he tries his best to keep a level head. Zhao doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing he can still get under Azarin’s skin. “Even if I wasn’t in love with Zuko, he’s still my _best friend!_ What kind of father has his son’s best friend murdered?!”

“The kind that wants glory for his son!” Zhao’s fists are clenched, voice raised. “That spoiled prince and his whole family have always been a distraction for you! With him gone, you can finally focus on your _own_ destiny, instead of helping him achieve his.” Stepping closer, Zhao softens his voice just slightly. The sound of it almost makes Azarin flinch. “Step aside, Azarin. Help me, and the Fire Nation, achieve greatness.”

Azarin stands strong, not moving even slightly. “My destiny doesn’t have to be with Zuko, but it most definitely isn’t with _you.”_

“What are you going to do, Azarin? Where will you go? Who’s going to accept you? You have nothing, and no one.”

At one point, that would have stung Azarin. It’s amusing to him now. “No, Zhao. That’s you. You murdered your wife, alienated your son, and have no friends. People fear you, but no one loves you. I don’t even think you love yourself.”

This makes Zhao’s eyes widen for the slightest of moments, but just enough that Azarin catches it. He knows he’s struck a chord, even as Zhao’s expression hardens once more. “I don’t need anyone to love me. Love is for fools. I’m going to go down in history, now _out of my way!”_ Zhao tries to shove Azarin to the side, but Azarin brings his hand up to collide with his father’s neck, causing the man to double over and cough frantically.

“I’m not going to let you kill this spirit,” he says, while Zhao gathers himself again. “You’ll have to kill me first.”

When Zhao responds, it’s less a word, and more of an animalistic growl. “Gladly.”

Almost immediately, Zhao tries to send a stream of fire into Azarin’s face, but he ducks and brings his foot underneath his father’s own. Zhao catches himself at the last second and kicks flames in Azarin’s direction. He narrowly avoids it, then sends repeated fireballs his father’s way which Zhao kicks away one by one. Azarin puts his hands together to split Zhao’s next attack, then flips forward and spins a giant tunnel of fire that Zhao gets hit by. He hisses in pain and clutches his freshly burned arm, glaring in Azarin’s direction.

“You will die for your arrogance, boy. Guards,” Zhao calls, and his troops enter the sanctuary once more. “Arrest my son.”

Azarin shouts in frustration and charges Zhao with whips of fire in his hands. He sends them toward his father but Zhao avoids them and forces Azarin to dissipate them to avoid his next attack. Azarin uses every ounce of energy within himself to send a double stream of fire from his fists, which Zhao meets with his own. Azarin grounds himself heavily, but Zhao’s attack is slowly shoving his own backward. Azarin feels sweat dripping down his face as he tries harder and harder to push forward, and he does. Zhao is pushed back as Azarin steps forward; if he can just push a little more, Zhao will fall into the water and he can deal with the guards slowly closing in on him.

Something above them catches his attention at the last moment, though. It’s Appa landing in the sanctuary. Relief washes over him for the slightest of moments and it’s enough of a distraction for Zhao to push back harder and send Azarin flying into the ice wall across the room. His shoulder is in an immense amount of pain as he falls to the cold ground and he realizes that a sharp piece of ice has stabbed him through the top of his shoulder. Ignoring it the best he can, he stands and tries to walk across the bridge.

“Azarin!” A familiar voice calls for him and Azarin looks up to see Iroh trying to help him walk. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just stop Zhao…” Azarin looks around and sees everything tinged with red. His father is holding up a bag which he assumes has the Moon Spirit in it. They’re almost too late.

“It is my destiny to destroy the moon...and the Water Tribe.” Zhao states this confidently, but Aang, on the other side of the pool, shakes his head.

“Destroying the moon won't just hurt the Water Tribe. It will hurt everyone – including you. Without the moon, everything would fall out of balance. You have no idea what kind of chaos that would unleash on the world.”

Iroh, now covered in Azarin’s blood from his shoulder, stands straight and addresses Zhao loudly. “He is right, Zhao!”

Azarin’s father looks over at them, narrowing his eyes. “General Iroh...why am I not surprised to discover your treachery?”

“I am no traitor, Zhao,” Iroh says, holding up Azarin the best he can. “The Fire Nation needs the moon, too. We all depend on the balance.” Iroh and Zhao lock eyes for a few moments and Azarin thinks Zhao is going to attack the koi, but he doesn’t. Slowly, Iroh lets Azarin go and assumes a bending stance, raising his voice. “Whatever you do to that spirit, I’ll unleash on you tenfold! LET IT GO, _NOW!”_

Azarin has never seen Iroh so serious; he knows this is a matter of life and death for the entire world. Azarin’s eyes move to where Aang, Katara, and Sokka are standing, ready to attack if necessary. He tries to gather his energy enough to hold his ground, stepping forward to stand next to Iroh, hands up and ready to fight.

“Don’t do this, father, _please_...you could end the entire world. Is your own glory worth even the Fire Nation’s destruction?” Azarin feels blood from his shoulder trickling down his arm, but ignores it as he stares at his father. Surely, Zhao can’t be this full of himself and ignorant to the consequences of his actions. Thankfully, Zhao’s expression softens and he drops the koi back into the water. Azarin relaxes a little as the redness filters away and color restores to their surroundings.

The moment is miniscule...Zhao raises his hand and in what seems like a fraction of a second, a stream of fire has hit the Moon Spirit. Everything goes gray and Azarin looks up in the sky; the moon is completely gone. Panic begins taking him over as Iroh starts attacking Zhao and his troops. He backs away and joins Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Yue in front of the pool.

“Wh-what does this mean?” He asks no one in particular.

Aang looks up at him, tears in his eyes. “It’s bad. _Really_ bad.”

Azarin gulps back fear and looks up to where Iroh has taken down all of Zhao’s guards. They join him on the other side of the pond as he reaches into the water to pick up the dead Spirit.

“There’s no hope now,” Yue says, leaning into Sokka to hide her tears. “It’s over.”

Azarin can’t say anything. He feels such a huge hole in his stomach that feels like grief. His father had effectively done what he set out to do, and it’s going to have grave consequences that Azarin can’t even begin to imagine. He hopes the glory is worth it.

“No,” Aang suddenly says, sounding like a grown man and himself all at once. His eyes and tattoos are glowing, and he begins to walk into the pond where only the Ocean Spirit resides now. “It’s not over.” He stands in the pool for a moment, then drops into it. The sight of it sends Azarin’s heart into his feet, but the water around them starts to glow brightly as it flows out of the sanctuary and into the city.

Azarin feels like something is off. He realizes he has no idea where his father has gone, and turns to Iroh, gripping the man’s robe. “Where is Zhao?” He asks, and immediately adds to it, eyes moving Katara. “Where’s _Zuko?”_

“He was tied up on Appa…” Katara answers, and Azarin looks on the bison’s saddle to find it empty. He lets go of Iroh.

Iroh’s eyes widen just as Azarin turns to leave. “Azarin, you are hurt! You cannot take them both!”

Azarin continues toward the exit of the sanctuary, ignoring Iroh and the pain in his shoulder. If anything, he can bend with one arm and his feet. He can’t let his father get away, and he can’t let Zuko get hurt. He won’t allow it.

He sprints through the city as fast as he can, and at some point he’s stopped because the moon returns to the sky. He stares up at it in awe, realizing that Iroh and the rest of them had found some way to restore life to the koi. While he’s stopped, he hears the sounds of firebending coming from a bridge below him. He looks down and sees Zuko and Zhao fighting; Azarin drops down behind Zuko and attacks Zhao with him. They both stop to look at him.

“Of course...the dynamic duo together again. How _heartwarming,”_ Zhao says this like it’s the worst thing he’s ever seen. Azarin and Zuko both attack him immediately and he shouts in pain, stumbling and falling to the ground below him. It’s then that he sees the moon back in the sky, eyes wide in shock. “It can’t be!”

Azarin goes to attack him again, but the glowing water from the sanctuary surrounds the bridge and Zuko pulls him back by his arm just before it picks up Zhao like he’s nothing. Azarin and Zuko stand and stare as it begins to carry him away, the man looking frantic and trying to get out of its grip.

“Azarin, you worthless excuse for a son! _Help me!”_ Zhao is reaching for Azarin as the water begins to bring him down into the water below.

Immediately, Azarin steps onto the railing of the bridge, grabs Zhao’s hand, and pulls him forward to the best of his ability. They’re face to face, and he speaks as low as possible. “Say hello to my mother for me.” Azarin lets go, enjoying the look of utter shock on Zhao’s face, then watches his father be taken under the water to drown.

Azarin has no idea how long he’s left staring at the water below him. At some point he feels Zuko tugging at the bottom of his shirt and he steps down off the bridge railing, Zuko pulling him into a tight embrace.

“You’re better off without him, Rin,” the prince says in a whisper, then pulls away. Blood is seeping into Zuko’s white clothing and it’s only now he notices Azarin’s shoulder is bleeding. Azarin is in such a state of shock that he doesn’t even register that they’re walking now. “We need to get you to Katara. She can heal you.”

Azarin nods in response, but doesn’t say anything as they make their way back to the sanctuary. The sun is starting to rise and everyone is on their way out. Just as they reach each other, Azarin drops to the ground from exhaustion and dizziness, bringing Zuko down with him. Katara and Aang both get to the ground with him, Katara pulling out her bending water while Aang and Zuko hold him up and rip off his sleeve so she can get to the wound. That cooling, soothing, magical feeling happens again and Azarin sighs out relief, but is still extremely lightheaded from losing so much blood.

Before he knows it, Katara has her arms around him. He returns the embrace, smiling a little, then stands with them and turns to where Zuko and Iroh stand. He bows to them, but doesn’t say anything. He could leave with them now and stay with Zuko, helping him continue to discover himself with Iroh, or he can stick to his plan and get away from Zuko to find his own destiny. It’s as if Azarin can feel a physical push and pull in both directions, like he’s being bombarded with heavy waves pushing him onto the shore only for the tide to pull him back into the water again.

“So you’re really gonna stay with them, huh?” Zuko says, breaking the silence, and not a moment later Aang is in front of Azarin with his hands out.

“I think it’s best if the two of you go. Azarin made his choice.” Aang doesn’t break his stance as he speaks, eyes sharply trained on Zuko. “General Iroh, thank you for helping us. And I guess thanks for kidnapping me, Zuko?” Aang doesn’t sound sure of himself, but he shrugs it off.

Zuko turns to walk away, waving his hand dismissively. “I’m too exhausted for this. I’ll see all of you again when I’m ready to capture you.”

“It is always my duty to protect the Spirits that protect our world.” Iroh bows to them all, eyes staying on Azarin for a few long moments, then turns to follow Zuko. Azarin’s immediate instinct is to follow them back to the ship, but there isn’t a ship anymore. There isn't anywhere to follow them to, and he and Zuko think far too differently now to continue being around each other constantly.

If this is Azarin’s choice, why does he feel like his own heart is being ripped from his body and walking away from him?


	18. bad intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: intention - kiiara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episode one: the avatar state

Azarin thinks he will  _ never _ get used to flying, mostly because it’s an incredible experience that he never thought he’d have. While it’s incredibly windy, it’s also exhilarating. Seeing the world below as small in comparison to how it normally looks is something he will never get over. He’ll always be grateful to Appa for giving him such a wonderful experience, no matter what happens...even if Appa doesn’t seem to like him much yet.

He doesn’t want to think about Zuko so soon after separating. His brain apparently likes torturing him though, because even after just a few hours he’s constantly worried about where Zuko is, if he’s okay, if Iroh is okay, what they’re doing and how they’re going to survive. Even as he leans over the side of Appa’s saddle and watches the water below them zip by, he’s thinking about when the next time Zuko is going to try to capture Aang is. Will it be soon? Is he going to show up somewhere they least expect him to? Is he going to try even harder to capture Aang now that Azarin has joined them? Will he even be successful at this point if he doesn’t have any Fire Nation resources?

“Azarin, hey,” Katara’s voice comes from beside him. He lifts his head and smiles at her, but also starts to panic just slightly. He still has no idea how or when he’s going to tell her that he doesn’t have a crush on her, but now definitely isn’t the time. He doesn’t feel like drowning today, although it  _ would _ be a bit poetic to drown like both his parents did. “How are you doing? I know you must be pretty shaken up to lose Zuko, Iroh,  _ and _ your father all in one night.”

He wants to be sarcastic, because bringing it up isn’t exactly helping even though he knows that’s Katara’s intention, but he isn’t around Zuko anymore. He can’t get away with being a complete dick, so he just shrugs instead. “Thanks for being concerned, Katara. It’s just a lot to process, you know?”

She nods and places a gentle hand on his own where it rests on the edge of the saddle. Azarin looks at it for a moment, then up at the soft smile she’s giving him. “I understand. But you made the right choices, trust me. We’re all here when you’re ready to talk about it.”

“But don’t think we don’t have our eyes on you, Mr. Fire Nation,” Sokka interjects, quite rudely, but Azarin can’t even blame him if he’s being honest. They accepted him much easier than he thought they would, and if a little attitude from Sokka is what he gets as a result of that then he’s getting off easy, he thinks. “One wrong move and we’ll tie you up just like we did to Zuko.”

“He’s being dramatic,” Katara counters, with a roll of her eyes. “The Fire Nation has been just as cruel to you as it has to everyone else.”

Sokka, still being dramatic, throws his hands in the air in frustration. “Are you kidding me?! He grew up in a  _ palace!” _

_ “Why _ did he grow up in a palace, Sokka? Because his father  _ murdered _ his mother! The Fire Nation is cruel to everyone, even its own people!”

“Don’t forget Zuko’s father is the one who burned him, too,” Azarin adds. If the siblings are going to fight, he might as well defend his side a little.

Katara’s eyes widen as they move back to her brother. “See, Sokka? No one is immune. Are you saying every single person in the Fire Nation is a cruel person? What happened to the Sokka that defended that elderly Fire Nation man?”

“That old man wasn’t trying to join our group!” Sokka responds, voice rising in pitch each time he speaks. Azarin thinks it’s a little cute, honestly. “The only reason you’re defending him is because you  _ like _ him.”

Azarin’s breath catches in his throat and his eyes move quickly to Katara, who doesn’t seem to have a response to that. He tries to gather himself enough to say something. “I mean...he does have a point, Katara…”

_ “What?!” _ Judging by the look on her face, that isn’t what he should have said. At all.

“Uh…” Azarin starts, frantically searching for a way out of the hole he’s dug himself into. “It’s just that sometimes, personal feelings can cloud someone’s judgement, you know? I’ve had to try and tell Zuko that  _ countless _ times--”

“So now I’m acting like Zuko?!” Katara stands, fists clenched, and Azarin is stupid.  _ So, _ so stupid. “Maybe you should have left with him after all.”

Something chills down Azarin’s spine, but it definitely is not the frigid air around them. He gulps back the fear growing in his throat and goes to respond, but Aang beats him to it.

“Guys,  _ please _ stop fighting! Yes Sokka, Azarin is from the Fire Nation and he  _ was _ helping Zuko track and fight us, but he isn’t now. He chose to leave his best friend because he saw that what Zuko and the Fire Nation is doing is wrong, and that’s all that matters.” With Momo on his shoulder, Aang now looks to Katara, and Azarin swears he sees just the slightest flash of sadness in his eyes. “But Sokka and Azarin are right too, Katara. Your crush on Azarin  _ is _ clouding your judgement. He could still turn on us at any moment, but you would probably defend him even if he did.”

“Jeez, thanks,” Azarin says, feeling a little hurt. He knows he can’t exactly say anything to them to make them trust him completely yet, though. He’s going to have to prove that over time.

“That is  _ not _ true, Aang!” Katara says, crossing her arms over her chest, her voice rising gradually. “I’m just trying to be sympathetic to what he’s been through over the last few days — no,  _ weeks! _ Do you not remember how horrible he looked when we saved him from Zhao’s fortress? That alone is enough to traumatize someone for a  _ lifetime, _ but now he’s lost his best friend, his only good father figure, and he even killed his own father! He’s barely seventeen and he’s been through enough in his life to make someone become as cruel as the Fire Lord, but he’s here with  _ us! _ Doesn’t  _ any _ of that count for anything?!” Neither Sokka nor Aang have a response, so Katara sits down next to Azarin again, angrily. “That’s what I thought. It doesn’t matter if I have a crush on him or not. He’s proven that he’s good, and that’s all I need to know to trust him.”

After that, they’re all silent for a long while. Katara leans her head on Azarin’s shoulder as they fly, and Azarin thinks that she’s  _ definitely _ the type of girl he would like, if he liked girls. He wishes he did...he wishes he could like Katara, because she’s an incredible person from what he knows so far. He wants to make her happy because she deserves it, but he knows he can’t. He’s far too in love with Zuko for that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When they land at the Earth Kingdom base, the General is both shocked and pleased that they have someone from the Fire Nation on their side. He seems to think Azarin can tell him everything about the Fire Nation military and how to beat it, being an Admiral’s son. He insists that both Aang and Azarin spend time helping him with his military strategies before they go to Omashu, but he wants Aang to try and master the Avatar State while they’re there. Even though Azarin has little to no experience around Aang in that state, he knows it probably isn’t something they should be trying to induce manually...but General Fong insists.

The next morning, Azarin is pulled from his sleep way earlier than he’d like to be. He’s barely awake when General Fong shoves tea and rice down his throat as a quick breakfast, then sits him down at a war table. Azarin thought he’d left early mornings behind with Zuko, but apparently not.

“When I heard the Avatar is now traveling with a member of the Fire Nation, I thought he had lost his mind. But this is a smart move,” General Fong moves around the table and places a hand on Azarin’s shoulder. “With your knowledge, we can infiltrate the Fire Nation smoothly and efficiently. The path to victory is becoming clearer, especially with you kids here to help us.”

Azarin knows General Fong means well, but he can’t help that he’s eerily reminded of his father. Images of Zhao flash through his mind and end on the wide-eyed realization in his father’s face when he knew his son was going to let him die. Azarin closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, trying to force his heart to stop beating so hard.

“What’s your current plan of action, General Fong?” Azarin decides to distract his mind instead of giving in to it. The General walks back to the other side of the table and points to the Fire Nation on the map.

“Currently, we have plans to take out as many colonies in the Earth Kingdom as possible, but our benders always end up coming out hurt or dead. We need a better course of action before attempting to take on the Fire Nation on their own land.”

Azarin nods, not taking his eyes off of the map in front of him. He hears some troops filter into the room but pays them no mind. If there’s anything his father has ever taught him, it’s how the Fire Nation military operates. “Attacking the colonies will only piss them off, but it’s a start. The Fire Nation military is trained to show no empathy and spread as much fear as possible, so trying to beg and plead with them to not kill your troops is only going to make them cause more damage. The Fire Lord doesn’t care about the colonies as much as the homeland, so if you can gain control of one or more of them, it’s highly unlikely that word will even get back to him, or that he’ll even care.”

“So what you’re saying is instead of taking them out, we take  _ control _ of a Fire Nation colony...for what reason, exactly?” General Fong sounds confused, which is understandable. Azarin isn’t sure he’s explaining this properly, honestly.

Standing from his seat, he takes a few Fire Nation figures and moves them to different points within the Earth Kingdom on the map. “They are in  _ your _ territory, correct? The Earth Kingdom is massive...there’s less of them than there are of you.” He moves several Earth Kingdom figures and surrounds the Fire Nation ones with them. “Cut them off from the homeland, gather information from them, then throw them in prison.”

General Fong looks shocked, but nods. “You truly are from the Fire Nation. That is precisely the tactics they use against smaller Earth Kingdom villages. They think we don’t care about them, so they terrorize them, gather information, then either kill everyone there or turn it into a colony.”

“Precisely,” Azarin responds, hoping that the dozens of earthbenders now in the room don’t suddenly decide to take out their aggression with the Fire Nation on  _ him. _ “Use their own methods against them, but more humanely. Even if the Fire Lord catches on and sends more troops to the colonies to fix the problem—” he pushes more Fire Nation figures to the Earth Kingdom, then points back to the Fire Nation on the map, “—it leaves the homeland with less defenses.”

“Perfect for an invasion,” Fong says, eyes lighting up. Azarin smiles.

“Yes, but only if the timing is right. An invasion after Sozin’s Comet returns is pointless, as they most likely already have some kind of plan to cause more destruction to the world using its power. With Aang on your side, you should be able to enact this plan  _ before _ the comet, but it depends on him being able to master the elements before then.”

General Fong holds up his hand, shaking his head. “As I said yesterday, I believe Aang is ready to take on the Fire Lord at this very moment. We should be able to invade the Fire Nation soon.”

Azarin lets out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Aang doesn’t even have an earthbending teacher yet. He still has to go to Omashu. That’s not even accounting for firebending...he is nowhere near ready to face Fire Lord Ozai.”

“Are you not a firebender?” Fong questions. “You can teach him firebending, and King Bumi will teach him earthbending in Omashu. In a few weeks — and after we have figured out how to voluntarily incite the Avatar State in him — Aang will be ready and we can enact this plan.”

“I’ve been learning bending for ten years, General Fong. Even if I taught Aang firebending, it would take  _ months _ for him to even begin to control it properly. It takes  _ years _ for an Avatar to master the elements and Aang has less than a year to do it.” Azarin  _ really _ needs General Fong to understand this. They might as well offer up Aang to the Fire Lord on a silver platter if they want him to fight right now. “He’ll  _ barely _ be ready if he takes the full year to do it...what makes you think he’s ready now, when he’s just beginning his journey?”

The General is getting a little frustrated, as far as Azarin can tell. He slams his fists down onto the table, causing the figures on it to topple over. Using his bending, he forces them to stand up again. “The Avatar State is more powerful than you or I can even imagine. If we can tap into it somehow—”

“Doing that isn’t safe,” Azarin interrupts. “Aang is just a kid. If anything happens to him, the whole world is screwed.”

Narrowing his eyes at Azarin, General Fong lowers his voice. “I understand that you have been on the wrong side of the war until now, Azarin. That means you haven’t seen the utter destruction that the Fire Nation causes on a daily basis. This war has gone on for too long for us to wait anymore. With the Avatar now back, and alive, we  _ have _ to act as soon as possible.”

Azarin can’t even find the words to respond. This man is no better than Zhao or Zuko; he’s willing to risk Aang’s life to end the war and overpower the Fire Nation. This isn’t what Azarin switched sides for...it’s the exact opposite.

“Besides,” Fong continues, not giving Azarin a chance to speak. “Aang has already agreed to try to induce the Avatar State with me. Isn’t that right, son?”

Azarin turns and sees Aang, Katara, and Sokka watching them. Aang steps forward and bows. “I’m ready when you are, General Fong.”

Azarin thinks this absolutely cannot end well, and it doesn’t. They’re there for  _ days _ trying to get Aang into the Avatar state, and Katara gets fed up with what’s happening so much that she refuses to help anymore. Azarin doesn’t blame her...it’s exhausting just watching Aang go through all of it only for none of it to work. It has to be discouraging, for everyone involved.

As much as Azarin doesn’t want to be completely alone with Katara for obvious reasons, he decides to stay in with her one morning while Sokka and Aang try more insane methods to trigger the Avatar State with General Fong. He likes Katara, he likes spending time with her, but the thought of her trying anything romantic with him sends more panic through him than anything his father has ever done to him. He really thinks there has to be something wrong with that, but at the moment he tries to not be concerned with it. Katara needs a friend, at the very least.

“Why aren’t you out there helping them with some new scheme?” Katara notices him before he says anything or even makes any kind of noise, and Azarin can’t seem to get used to how good her intuition is.

He shrugs, leaning against the door to the room. “I thought you might need some company, and I’m not sure what help I can be considering whatever they’re doing isn’t going to work.” He pushes his hair to the side to look at her; it’s still wet from bathing so he’s letting it stay down, but that means it’s in his face constantly. A terrible trade off which makes him regret his decision to not cut his hair the last time Iroh offered to do it.

Katara smiles, and her eyes wash over him in a way that Azarin doesn’t want to think about too deeply. “I’m glad at least  _ you _ agree with me. At this rate, they’re going to waste all the time Aang has to master the elements on this stupid Avatar State thing.”

“I think General Fong means well, but this just  _ isn’t _ going to work. It’s been days and nothing has happened.” Azarin steps through the door and sits on the bunk across from Katara. “We should probably leave for Omashu when they’re finished today. Aang needs an earthbending teacher more than he needs to tap into the Avatar State.”

“You’re going to teach him firebending, right?” She asks, eyes bright even in the dark room around them. “After he learns earthbending, he needs a firebending teacher. You’re the best — and only — firebender we know.”

Azarin smiles, nodding. “Of course I’ll teach him firebending. But he’ll have to have the patience from learning earthbending before I can teach him anything.” When Katara only looks at him, confused, he explains further. “I’ve read a lot about how past Avatars, especially ones from the Air Nomads, have tried to learn firebending too early and ended up hurting themselves or other people...airbending can seem like firebending but fire is much more dangerous. He needs the control over himself that earthbending will give him before I teach him.”

Katara’s eyes widen a little then move down to her hands, voice filled with sadness. “We tried to have someone teach him once...Aang ended up burning my hands on accident. He feels terrible for it and says he’ll never firebend again…”

“He has to,” Azarin responds immediately. He moves to sit next to Katara on her bed, inspecting her hands; they’re perfectly fine, and he smiles. “You can heal any burn anyone gets if he accidentally hurts someone. He  _ has _ to learn firebending if he has any chance of defeating the Fire Lord.”

“I know…” Katara says, sounding distracted. Even in the low light Azarin can see the blush in her cheeks, and he immediately drops her hands back to her lap. Her eyes go to the side of his neck, hand moving up to push his shirt to the side. It falls off his shoulder from how loosely it had been tied together. Katara looks back into his eyes. “How did this heal? I didn’t have much time to inspect it because Zuko was so pushy…”

Azarin doesn’t like this at all. His heart is about to explode from beating so fast and hard. “It uh...it looks fine. Definitely not as bad as my other one.”

Katara doesn’t respond. Her fingers trace the scarred skin on his chest lightly, but he’s sure she can feel how hard his heart is beating. She’ll easily mistake it for him being nervous because he likes her, and that’s  _ bad. _ Azarin needs a way out of this situation as fast as possible.

“Azarin, I—” Katara starts, but is interrupted when an extremely large  _ boom _ echoes outside and shakes the ground a little. She lets out a sigh, bringing back her hand, rolling her eyes, and standing up. “I wonder what crazy thing they’re trying now…maybe we should just make sure Aang’s okay.”

Momo, who Azarin hadn’t noticed was even in the room to begin with, flies around for a moment before landing on Katara’s shoulder. Azarin nods, following her downstairs and outside, where it looks like a battle scene is playing out. Sokka meets them at the bottom of the stairs, looking frantic, and tells them that General Fong is trying to  _ force _ Aang into the Avatar State now, instead of trying to simply induce it.

Narrowing his eyes and focusing on where the General stands, Azarin sprints outside and greets Fong with a kick to the side. The man falls to the ground with a thud, and Azarin glares at him. “What the  _ hell _ do you think you’re doing?”

“Triggering the Avatar State,” the General responds, smirk in tow as he dusts himself off after standing again. “You really should think about joining the Earth Kingdom military, son. Not only are you smart, apparently you’re extremely strong.”

Azarin literally cannot believe what he’s hearing, especially after Fong’s benders continue to attack Aang while Sokka attempts to take them down one by one. “Are you seriously complimenting me right now?! You’re  _ attacking _ my friend!”

Ignoring Azarin, General Fong steeles himself and sends a giant disc toward Aang, who uses airbending to avoid the attack. Fong looks around and locks his gaze on Katara, who’s surrounded by the giant earth-discs a short distance away. “Maybe you can avoid me, but  _ she _ can’t!”

Without a second thought, Azarin steps in front of the General in an offensive bending stance. “Fong, if you hurt her, I will  _ not _ hold back.” He really feels like his hands should be lit on fire right now, but they’re not for some reason. He doesn’t have time to worry about it though, because in another second the ground underneath him moves. He’s moving backward, feet sunk into the rock below him, until he’s directly beside Katara. They both sink further into the ground, Katara protesting loudly.

Azarin can’t believe the audacity of this man...he can feel the utter rage boiling in him, but there’s absolutely no fire leaving his body at all. His bending has stopped working at the worst possible time yet again, and Azarin doesn’t even know why.

“Stop this! You have to let them go!” Aang is on his knees in front of General Fong, who only looks at the boy in disdain.

“You could save them if you were in the Avatar State,” he says, sending Katara and Azarin a little deeper into the ground.

Azarin struggles harder, snarling from how angry he is. “You better  _ hope _ Aang gets to you before I do, Fong!”

“I’m trying!” Aang responds, defeated. “I’m trying…”

“I don’t see glowing,” the General sends them even further down, both of them up to their necks now. Azarin can barely breathe with the ground around him up against his throat.

Katara screams. “Aang,  _ please!” _

“You don’t need to do this!” Aang is hysterical at this point, tears spilling from his eyes, and Azarin wants to slam General Fong’s head into a wall. Repeatedly.

“Apparently, I do,” Fong says, before sending Azarin and Katara completely into the ground. Blackness surrounds him and Azarin can barely breathe...even when he does, his mouth and nose are filled with dirt. This isn’t how he thought he’d die, and he prays that Aang was actually triggered into the Avatar State because this is a pretty horrible way to end it all.

In another instant he’s back above ground, coughing the dirt from his mouth and gasping for air. Katara is back as well, and sure enough, Aang is hovering above them with his eyes and tattoos glowing. The buildings around them are already destroyed, the earthbending discs plastered to the walls and shattered into pieces everywhere. Just as Aang drops to the ground and Katara embraces him, Azarin turns to General Fong and runs to him, taking the man’s clothing into his fist.

“You fucking fool!” Azarin growls, expecting there to be fire leaving his mouth, but there’s none. “You could have killed everyone here, including yourself!”

“Ha! Are you joking?! That was almost perfect!” Fong shoves Azarin aside, stepping to Aang. “We just have to find a way to control you when you’re like that…”

Aang stands with Katara, shaking his head. “You’re out of your mind.”

General Fong ignores him, looking contemplative. “I guess we’ll figure that out on the way to the Fire Nation.”

Before Azarin can curse more, Sokka is riding a horsebird behind Fong and whacks the man in the head with his boomerang, causing him to drop to the ground unconscious. Sokka looks up at them. “Anybody got a problem with that?”

The soldiers around them shake their heads, but offer them the escort to Omashu that they had come there for in the first place. Katara declines for them.

After gathering their things, they set off on Appa again, toward Omashu. Azarin resigns to what he’s starting to think is his side of the saddle, staring down at the forests passing quickly below them. After a few minutes, Sokka breaks the silence that had fallen over them all.

“So, Azarin...why didn’t you unleash some awesome firebending power on the General and end it all before it began? I feel like he would have stopped a lot sooner if a firebender were trying to kill him…”

Azarin shakes his head, shrugging. “I...couldn’t.”

“Why?” Aang asks, curiosity dripping from his voice. “We’ve all seen you firebend. It’s not like you can’t do it well.”

“He probably doesn’t want to use firebending to intimidate people, guys. Then he’d be like everyone else we hate in the Fire Nation…” Katara has a point, and that  _ is _ the reason Azarin had held off for so long, but it isn’t the whole truth.

Before he can respond, Sokka beats him to it. “Ah, yeah. Daddy issues...we’ve all got ‘em. Don’t sweat it, Azarin, You’re nothing like Zhao. Next time, burn the beard right off his face for him, ‘kay?”

They all laugh, Azarin included. He decides that now isn’t the time to tell them that his bending has stopped working, and he has no idea why. Maybe if he’s lucky it’ll come back before they even realize it left. Azarin prays that’s what happens, because if he can’t firebend then he has no reason to be with them. They all want him to teach Aang firebending eventually. He hopes he even still has the power to do so when the time comes.


	19. omashu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: love, love, love - exo-k (from katara's pov) [click for English translation.](https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/EXO-K/Love-Love-Love/translation/english)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episodes two and three: the cave of two lovers / return to omashu
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Stopping for supplies forces Azarin to think about Zuko and Iroh. He’s starting to feel guilty for leaving them, because if they had even one more person to travel with then maybe they’d have a better chance at surviving. But Azarin had left them to defend themselves, hiding from the Fire Nation and staying secret from the Earth Kingdom, while he has new friends and goes on new adventures. The guilt he feels is painful, but he can’t let anyone know that. He’s left to hurt on his own, because Aang, Sokka, and Katara just wouldn’t understand.

When there’s water splashed on him while he sulks on the riverbank, Azarin looks up to see Sokka grinning at him from his leaf-boat. “Come on, broody. Lighten up a little and take a nice bath.”

He hears Katara giggle from where she’s helping Aang with his waterbending, but ignores her. “My hair takes forever to dry and makes me cold, especially now that we fly everywhere. So, thanks for that, Sokka.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Sokka’s voice takes a dramatic tone as he drops off of his leaf to stand in the river. “You’re a _firebender!_ Warm yourself up!”

“I’ll dry you off!” Before Azarin can even move to protest, Aang has shot a huge tunnel of air at him. His clothes are dry now, but his hair is definitely still wet.

Pointing to his head, Azarin stands up. “See? My hair still isn’t dry.”

“You sound like Katara with her hair loopies. Every morning it takes her ten minutes to fix them.” Sokka rolls his eyes, pointing to his sister, who looks offended. “Why is your hair _this_ important?! You’re a _guy.”_

Katara bends a wave over Sokka, who coughs to get air once the water falls back into the river. “Hey! I happen to like Azarin’s hair.”

Azarin thinks Sokka will lose his eyeballs if he rolls them back in his head any further. _“You_ happen to like _Azarin._ You don’t count.”

“So, Katara,” Aang interrupts, sounding a little panicked. Azarin really wants to know where it came from. “You were showing me the octopus form…” They go back to practicing, and Azarin turns to Sokka while pulling off his clothes and stepping into the river.

“You’re a little twerp, you know that?” He splashes water toward Sokka, but the other avoids it. “You don’t have to bring up your sister’s crush on me every five minutes.”

Sokka shrugs, then drops down into the water until it’s up to his neck. “You should stop avoiding it. Just kiss her and get it over with. The tension between you two is exhausting to be around.”

Azarin tenses up for a moment but tries his best to seem normal. Sokka is the _last_ person he wants to find out that his crush on Katara isn’t real, considering he would probably fiercely protect his sister until his very last breath. Azarin knows he can beat Sokka in a fight, but he doesn’t want to. Sokka is extremely nice to look at, especially in nothing but his underwear.

Pushing himself out of his thoughts, Azarin shakes his head. “It just isn’t the right time,” he lies. “So much has happened so quickly...I’m still trying to get used to everything, you know?” That part isn’t exactly a lie. Azarin can’t seem to find the right time to tell them that he doesn’t like Katara...that he doesn’t like girls in general. His very first week with them has been filled with so much chaos already.

“Whatever,” Sokka says, waving his hand dismissively. “You two are perfect for each other. Long hair, opposite bending elements, mothers murdered by the Fire Nation. A match made in heaven.”

Azarin actually laughs as he drops into the water himself, swimming over to Sokka and kicking his leg underneath the water. “You fit two out of three of those, too. Should I date you instead, Sokka?”

He’s a little shocked when Sokka just shrugs in response. “I mean hey, I’m pretty hot, I can’t lie.”

They laugh, and Azarin goes to respond, but something catches their attention in the distance. It’s someone singing, and when they get to the river it’s actually more than one person. It’s a group of very odd people, Azarin thinks. They sing and dance every few seconds, which Azarin has never seen anyone do. Like ever. It’s extremely off-putting for him, but he tries to set that aside and listen to what they have to say.

After a good hour or two of listening to them tell stories of all the places they’ve been (and the woman they’re with braiding his, Katara’s, and Appa’s hair), they end up talking -- _singing_ \-- about a tunnel in a mountain that leads straight to Omashu, which is what catches Azarin’s attention. He may hate how it comes out, but if there’s a faster way to get to Omashu so Aang can learn earthbending, he’s _all_ for it. The faster Aang masters the elements, the faster the war is over.

Of course, he hadn’t thought about Appa not enjoying being underground, which Aang brings up when he and Sokka politely decline taking the tunnel. Azarin wants to say something, but doesn’t, and they set off on Appa over the mountains.

“Uh...Aang?” Azarin finally speaks up when he sees Fire Nation soldiers on the rocks below, lighting fireballs in catapults. “I think we should have taken the tunnel.” Dozens of fireballs are released at the same time. Azarin doesn’t even think before he shoots giant flames all around them, the force of it sending all the fireballs back down to the troops, but there’s endless catapults and endless soldiers.

They end up turning around, finding the crazy nomad people, and making them take them into the tunnel, which apparently is actually a _labyrinth._ Azarin honestly doesn’t know how these people aren’t dead, considering not one of them is a bender and they seem incredibly aloof, but he isn’t one to question people that are helping him and his friends survive.

The Fire Nation troops are tracking them of course, which means they can’t escape any way except into the mountain maze. Azarin looks to Aang, who looks at Chong. “So all you need is to trust in love to get through these caves?”

Chong nods. “That is correct, Master Arrowhead.”

Azarin thinks the notion is a little naive, but his attention is taken to the way Aang gazes with adoration at Katara, and the realization hits him: Aang _likes_ Katara. He tries to take her attention away from Azarin whenever he can, and he does special things for her all the time. Katara getting hurt is what triggered the Avatar State in him at the Earth Kingdom base...it had nothing to do with Azarin. Although he knows Aang doesn’t want Azarin to get hurt, he also now knows that Aang will do _anything_ to protect Katara, including going into the Avatar State.

“We can make it,” Aang speaking again brings Azarin out of his thoughts, and he immediately moves to guard the rest of them from the approaching Fire Nation tanks while they enter the cave.

“Everyone into the hole!” Sokka shouts, but Azarin doesn’t move. He starts attacking the tanks, over and over, avoiding their returned fire at every turn. “Azarin, let’s go!”

With a final fire blast toward the tanks, taking one of them out, Azarin turns and runs into the tunnel with everyone else. Just as they get a little deeper into the mountain, the entrance to the tunnel is blocked off by falling rock, which is clearly from the Fire Nation troops attacking it. They’re trapped inside the mountain, with no way out unless they can navigate the labyrinth.

Azarin lights a fire in his hand, glad that his bending didn’t decide to go away at the worst time again. The nomads have torches, and Chong uses one to point to Azarin. “Hey, you’re a firebender! Right on!”

“You’re... _just now_ noticing that I’m a firebender?” Azarin really can’t believe how out of touch with reality these people are, but he tries his best to be nice to them. “Look, don’t waste your torches yet, in case we get separated. I’ll use my bending for light. Aang,” he calls, and the boy shows up in front of him, looking at him expectantly. “Take some fire so we can have a little more light. I don’t want to scare Appa with a giant flame.”

Aang’s eyes widen and he puts his hands out in front of him, shaking his head. “No, no, no, I can’t firebend--”

“You _can_ firebend, Aang,” Azarin cuts him off, then lights a second flame in his free hand, holding it out for Aang to take. “It isn’t even fire _bending,_ it’s just...holding a flame like you would a baby turtleduck. Just try it.”

Aang swallows nervously, but nods and reaches out to take the fire. When it moves from Azarin’s hand to Aang’s, it glows a little brighter for a moment before returning to normal. The kid’s eyes light up and he jumps up and down a bit out of excitement. “Look, guys! I’m doing it! Katara, look!” He turns to Katara, but his face falls and so does the flame in his hand when he sees the way Katara is admiring Azarin.

Avoiding looking at Katara, Azarin pulls Aang back around to face him. “Don’t let it go out, but don’t give it too much juice, either. You can do it, okay?” Aang nods, but doesn’t say anything as he walks away to the other side of the cave to give it light.

“Thanks, Azarin,” Sokka speaks up. “Chong, how long do those torches last?”

“Uh…” The man scratches the back of his head, thinking hard about the answer. Azarin wants to hit his own head against the wall. “About two hours each?”

Lily, with all the torches in her hand, lights them all at once. “And we have five torches, so that’s ten hours!”

Sokka immediately runs to her, grabs the torches, throws them on the ground, and stomps on them to put them out. “It doesn’t work like that if they’re all lit at the same time!” He picks them back up and hands three of them back to her, but keeps two of them himself, giving one to Katara. “You guys take these, and we’ll keep two in case we get separated from Azarin. I’m gonna make a map to keep track of exactly where we’ve been. Then we can solve it like a maze and get through.”

Smiling, Azarin pats Sokka on the back with his free hand. “You’re cute when you’re taking the lead, twerp.” Before they set off into the tunnels, Azarin notices that Katara is a lot closer to him than he’d like her to be, but he tries his best to ignore her...for Aang’s sake.

It’s at least two hours later that Sokka finally has some semblance of a map drawn, but it isn’t leading them anywhere. Azarin feels more lost than when they entered, but even after barely a week with them, he knows not to tell Sokka that his plan isn’t exactly working. He lets Katara do it for him, but even still, Sokka thinks the tunnels are changing. He’d rather say something impossible is happening than admit that his plan isn’t working.

They don’t have time to argue about it, because a pack of wolfbats attack them. Azarin tries to fight them off with fire, but the flames as well as the creatures scare Appa half to death and he ends up causing another rockfall, effectively separating himself, Aang, and Katara from the rest of the group. Azarin is at least glad he has Sokka with him to help him deal with the crazies.

He tries to firebend his way through the rocks, slashing flames at them over and over until he can feel Sokka pulling him back. He turns, panting for breath. “What if they don’t get out?”

“They will,” Sokka says, but even he doesn’t sound sure of himself.

They’re walking for such a long time with Chong’s constant playing and singing giving both Sokka and Azarin a headache. His head is throbbing so much that he thinks he’s hearing things when a shrill sound comes from down in the darkness of the tunnel, but he’s proven wrong when the same pack of wolfbats from earlier flies out from the tunnel. He immediately starts attacking them with fire, but they aren’t even paying attention to him or the rest of them. They fly past frantically, like they’re trying to escape something.

“Hey, hey!” Chong says, throwing a hand down on Azarin’s back. “You saved us, firebender man!”

“His name is _Azarin,_ and they were trying to get away from something…” Sokka stares down into the darkness, looking for something to pop out of it, Azarin guesses.

He steps beside Sokka, holding the flame in his hand out so they can both see better. “But _what_ were they trying to get away from?”

As soon as Azarin finishes his sentence, two giant badgermoles explode from inside the mountain walls out into the tunnel, surrounding them all as the ground shakes beneath them. The creatures close off both sides of the tunnel with earthbending, then close in on all of them. Azarin shoots flames at them, but they just block his attacks with rocks and send him flying into the wall. When he gathers himself enough to stand back up, Sokka is trying to...sing? He has one of Chong’s guitars and is strumming it, a single note over and over, and singing terribly. The badgermoles are no longer attacking, though, so as much as it pains him to act like these insane nomads, Azarin claps his hands to the song Sokka is singing.

Soon, everyone is strumming and singing, so much that the badgermoles allow all of them to get onto their backs. Azarin still has a headache, especially from listening to all the earthbending and horrible singing, but they’re soon busting their way out of the mountain and down to an unsuspecting Katara, Aang, and Appa.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It isn’t a long flight to Omashu, so when they land they walk toward the bridge leading to the city, only to find it taken over by the Fire Nation. Aang is downcast, but determined to rescue King Bumi, even when the rest of him are begging him to not go into the city, but he insists he has to make sure Bumi is okay. The way he chooses to do that, though, is something Azarin prays he never has to experience again. They have Appa fly them down into the trench in front of Omashu, then enter the city through the sewer pipes.

As they’re making their way up, Aang is airbending the sewer water away from himself, Katara doing the same with waterbending, and Azarin is burning up the water around him into steam. This leaves Sokka in the back, trudging through the dirty water with no help at all; Azarin can’t help but smirk a little. The smell is awful, but at least the water isn’t getting into any of his clothing other than his shoes.

“You good back there, Sokka?” Azarin asks, to which Sokka spurts water from his mouth, looking angry, but not responding. Azarin shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

“Hey, Azarin, this is a long way from the Fire Nation Royal Palace, huh?” Aang says, which makes Katara laugh. Azarin thinks about it for a moment and ends up laughing, himself.

“Yeah, but at least this is more exciting. The only exciting thing that ever happens there is Azula and Zuko fighting.”

“Who’s Azula?” Katara questions.

Azarin can feel the jealousy from Katara, but tries to ignore it. “Zuko’s sister. She’s a year younger than him, two from me. Certifiably insane, but an incredible firebender. She was learning to handle lightning when Zuko and I left, and that was when she was twelve.”

“Firebenders can lightning-bend?!” Sokka says, in-between spitting out water from his mouth. “They just get scarier and scarier the more we learn about them.”

Azarin laughs, keeping the streams of fire coming steady from his hands. “Am I scary, Sokka?”

“Duh! You’re _burning_ the dirty sewer water into nothing! How is that not scary?!”

Katara, Aang, and Azarin all laugh just as they reach the top of the pipe. Aang airbends the lid off the pipe and they enter the city silently, until Sokka starts freaking out about having a few purple pentapus on his face and neck from the sewer. They barely escape an interaction with Fire Nation guards and try to find any place that Bumi could be being held.

As they’re walking, Aang stops an earthbending attack on an unsuspecting Fire Nation family, and Azarin doesn’t have time to inspect the people he saved, even if the girl that starts attacking them looks incredibly familiar. He shoots fire at her and Aang destroys a platform to try and block her from getting to them. When the dust settles, Azarin sees why he recognized her.

“Mai?”

“Azarin?!”

Before they can say any more, the ground moves underneath them and they’re dropped underground, surrounded by earthbenders. Bumi isn’t with them, so Azarin think’s it’s hopeless and that they should just leave and continue looking for him if that’s what Aang really wants to do. He doesn’t say anything, though, especially because every earthbender in the room keeps glaring him down. Azarin thinks he really needs to get some new clothes.

“It doesn’t matter now,” the resistance leader speaks confidently, his gaze shifting to Azarin as he narrows his eyes. “Fighting the Fire Nation is the only path to freedom.”

Aang steps in front of Azarin, staff held out. It’s a little amusing to him that Aang is so much shorter than him, yet infinitely more powerful. Azarin will let Aang protect him when it’s needed, and right now it’s definitely needed. “Azarin is with us.”

“But he’s a firebender!” Someone from the crowd beside them shouts. Azarin wants to hide in a hole somewhere.

Katara steps forward too. “He changed his loyalties because the Fire Nation hurt him just as much as they hurt everyone else. _He’s with us.”_

The resistance leader looks back to Azarin, bowing. “My apologies. It’s terrible that the Fire Nation is now forcing its own people to fight against them. We must fight for our freedom, because freedom is always worth dying for.”

“Actually, there’s another path to freedom...you could leave Omashu,” Aang responds, sounding much wiser than his age. “You’re directing all your energy into fighting the Fire Nation, but you're outnumbered. You can’t win. Now’s the time to retreat, so you can live to fight another day.”

The leader clenches his fists. “You don’t understand. They’ve taken our home and we have to fight them at _any_ cost!”

The rest of the resistance seems to be on Aang’s side now that they know they have the Avatar to protect them, which Azarin thinks is pretty cowardly, but he stays silent. They decide to leave, but the resistance leader won’t leave without helping the citizens out of the city too. Of course Aang says they’ll help, and Azarin wonders when they’ll ever get a break from _helping_ people. He’s utterly exhausted already.

They get out by pretending to be sick, like Sokka had earlier. It’s actually really clever and works perfectly, but the only problem is the Fire Nation Governor’s son somehow ended up out of the city with them. Azarin blames Momo.

They’re set to trade the kid for King Bumi the next morning after a messenger hawk relays the message, so they settle in for the night around a campfire. The resistance leader along with Sokka seem to have an issue with the baby, which annoys both Azarin and Katara. Azarin picks him up and twists his small patch of hair around his own finger, which makes the kid laugh.

“Sure, he’s cute now, but when he’s older he’ll join the Fire Nation Army.” The resistance leader sounds serious, and Azarin wishes he would seriously lighten up. “You won’t think he’s so cute then...he’ll be a killer.”

Azarin rolls his eyes a little, handing the baby back to Katara. “Am I a killer?”

The man glowers at him. “I don’t know, _are_ you?”

“My father was Admiral Zhao of the Fire Nation Navy,” Azarin starts, enjoying the look of shock on the other’s face. “He raised me to have no empathy, show no fear and no mercy. He tried to make me believe that having compassion and caring for others is weak. He wanted me to join the military and kill my best friend, because that used to be the only person I cared about. When I refused, he tried to have my friend killed, himself.”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know--”

Azarin puts his hand up to stop him from finishing, not taking his eyes off of the fire in front of them, then continues. “If I can survive all of that and more, still coming out on the right side, then this kid can, too.” He feels Katara’s hand on his shoulder, and he puts his own over hers for a moment before looking up at the resistance leader. “Give the kid a chance to grow up and make his own choices. He may surprise you.”

The baby waddles his way over to the man, who actually smiles and pats the boy on the head.

In the morning they make their way back into Omashu in a much less smelly way; through the front gates. Sokka has the baby in his arms while the rest of them stand strong around him. Three girls make their way up onto the platform in front of a freshly built statue of the Fire Lord, which Azarin tries his best to avoid looking at. When the girls come into view, Azarin’s jaw actually drops out of shock.

“Ty Lee?!” His eyes move from her, to the Fire Princess next to her. “Azula?”

Azula’s eyes narrow, sending an unsuspecting chill down Azarin’s spine. “How nice to see you, ZaZa.”

_“ZAZA?!”_ Sokka, Katara, and Aang all sound off in unison. Azarin sends fire behind him to keep them from saying anymore.

Azula holds her hand up before Azarin can speak. “We have a lot of catching up to do, don’t you think?”


	20. the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: horns - bryce fox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episode three: return to omashu
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Of course, I’m not surprised at all that you’ve betrayed the Fire Nation. You were always too weak.” Hearing Azula’s voice again after all this time, especially after only hearing it in his nightmares for the last two years, is sending Azarin into a rage that he doesn’t want to experience. If it gets out, he doesn’t think Aang, Katara, and Sokka will want him around anymore.

He shakes it off, trying to focus on the task at hand. “What are you doing here, Azula?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” The princess snaps, voice sharp. “I’m helping to negotiate the safe return of my dear friend Mai’s little brother.” As she’s speaking, King Bumi is being lowered down inside the metal crate they had locked him in. “Speaking of brothers, you wouldn’t happen to know where our dear ZuZu is, would you? I need to catch up with him and uncle, as well.”

Azarin clenches his teeth, unable to control the fire that spits from under his feet. He hears Katara and Aang back up a little. “I have no clue where Zuko is, but he’s better off in hiding than he is around you.”

“Oh, Azarin, you hurt me!” Azula puts her hand over her heart, feigning being in pain. “I’ve grown up so much since your banishment, I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

Pushing his foot back a little, Azarin gets ready to lunge into an attack, but Aang’s voice stops him. “Enough! Let’s get the trade over with and go our separate ways.”

“A thought just occurred to me, do you mind, Mai?” Azula steps forward, Mai steps back.

“Of course not, Princess Azula.”

Azula grins. “We’re trading a two year old for a king. A powerful, earthbending king.” She turns to Bumi behind her, who nods, and Azula continues. “It just doesn’t seem like a fair trade to me. We want Azarin in addition to the child. A powerful bender for a powerful bender seems  _ much _ more fair.”

“You’re right,” Mai says, then addresses Aang. “The deal’s off unless Azarin comes with us.”

“In your damn dreams,” Azarin responds, hands on fire as he watches Bumi be taken back up to where he came from, laughing.

Azula shrugs. “Your loss.”

Azarin rushes her with an attack ready, but she dodges it. He can hear Aang fighting behind him as Mai and Ty Lee move past where he and Azula are attacking each other. Her fire is nearly white, but mostly blue, and Azarin wonders when and how she had mastered blue fire. He had only ever read about it in books from the palace library...it seemed like a myth, if he’s being honest. The amount of precision and control it takes to master the purest form of fire is...a lot.

At some point in his fight with Mai, Aang’s hat falls off his head and Azula — as sharp as ever — knows he’s the Avatar immediately. She tries even harder to get to him, agilely ascending the platforms beside them, but Azarin continues to attack her to pull her focus.

“Come down here and fight me if you want me so bad, Azula!” Azarin shouts, punctuating his sentence with a large fireball sent toward the princess. She turns her head sharply and blocks the attack, but then ascends the platforms after Aang. Azarin follows.

They end up in the chute system, Aang riding the metal crate Bumi is locked in, Azarin and Azula battling it out on the edges of one of the rock carts. Azula does an incredible job at dodging Azarin’s attacks while attacking Aang in the process; Azarin would be impressed, but he can’t give her the satisfaction.

“You’ve gotten better, ZaZa,” Azula says, while their hands are shooting flames at each other and they’re nose to nose. “But not as good as me.”

“We’ll see about that,” Azarin responds confidently. Azula goes to shove him off the chute into the city below, but Azarin brings his foot underneath hers, forcing her to fall into the cart just before a giant rock formation springs up in front of them courtesy of King Bumi. Azarin leaps over it just in time, then off the side of the chute to Appa’s saddle with Katara, Sokka, and the baby.

They leave without Bumi, and after returning the baby to his parents. Katara and Sokka apparently had a rough time fighting Mai and Ty Lee, but they all try to get some rest after an exhausting, stressful, and fruitless trip to Omashu.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Mom, is Rin okay? What happened?”

Ursa places an unconscious Azarin on his bed, careful not to touch the boy’s fresh burn. She’s panicking, but Zuko had found her rushing through the hallway and is insisting that she tell him what happened to his friend. It’s precious how concerned he is, but she doesn’t want her son to know of this cruelty yet; he is far too young.

“Zuko, please get me some clean bandages,” she responds as calmly as she can, without looking at her son. The tears that are welling in her eyes are far too telling. “Have one of the servants help you. Go.”

Thankfully, Zuko listens, and Ursa is left to attempt to remove Azarin’s charred robes to tend to his wounds. The burn is far worse than she had initially thought, it starts at the center of his chest and wraps up and around to the side of his neck, almost to his back. Seeing it brings forth her tears threatening to fall and a pain in her chest that she hasn’t felt for years.

“I’m so sorry, Manami,” Ursa whispers, gripping Azarin’s hand as tightly as she can. “I-I couldn’t protect him...I failed you…” She kisses Azarin’s hand gently before putting it down and moving to the bowl of fresh water across the room. She wets a cloth then returns to the bed, wringing the water out onto the burn then dabbing the cloth gently onto Azarin’s charred skin. He twitches just slightly from the contact, but doesn’t regain consciousness. Ursa pushes back Azarin’s hair from his face, hand cupping his cheek for a few moments. “I won’t let him do this again. I won’t let him anywhere near you. I promise, Azarin.”

“Mom?” Zuko’s voice comes from the doorway. She looks over and gestures for him to come in, taking the bandages from him and trying to smile through her tears. He looks sad, and worried. “I-Is he gonna be okay?”

Ursa nods, taking Zuko’s hand in her own. “He’ll be okay. He’s going to need a lot of care and time to heal, though. Can you be gentle enough with him to do that, Zuko?”

Nodding frantically, Zuko looks over to Azarin, eyes wide. “What did he do? Why did his dad burn him?”

She doesn’t want to tell him, because he will become terrified of his own father doing the same to him. Ursa knows Ozai would not hesitate to do the same thing to Zuko and she can’t imagine the damage it would do to him. He already thinks so lowly of himself compared to his sister, and Ursa tries so hard to help him get through that. Something like this would shatter him...she hopes that doesn’t happen to Azarin, but she knows it will.

“Captain Zhao is a cruel man, Zuko. If Azarin does or says anything he doesn’t like, this is what happens. Azarin did not do anything to deserve this.” She pauses for a few moments, trying her absolute best to sound confident, but her heart hurts _ so much. _ Manami trusted her son to Ursa to keep him away from Zhao, and somehow even under her care, Zhao has now traumatized Azarin. She feels so much grief, all over again. “Can you hold him up for me while I wrap his burn?”

Zuko seems shocked at the change of subject, but only nods in response before helping his mother. They wrap Azarin’s burn, and when Zuko agrees to stay with his friend for the night, Ursa makes plans to leave the palace.

Once she’s sure everyone is asleep, including Ozai and Azulon, she heads toward the warship docks. Finding Zhao’s ship is easy, and being within the royal family makes it even easier to gain access to board his ship. His guards wake him up and they meet alone in an office.

“To what do I owe this... _ surprising _ pleasure so late at night?” Zhao’s tone is definitely suggestive and it absolutely disgusts her. This man has been the cause of  _ every single bit _ of her pain over the last few years and she wants to unleash all of it on him, but she doesn’t. This isn’t about her, or Manami.

“I’m not here for you, or Ozai, or the Fire Lord,” she responds, voice firm. “I’m here for Azarin.”

Zhao’s eyes narrow and he takes a step toward her. “Believe me, princess, he got what he deserved tonight.”

“I’m not here to argue with you, Zhao.”

“Then why  _ are _ you here, Ursa?”

She breathes in deeply, willing herself not to shed any tears in front of this man who’s taken just about everything from her. “I know more things about you, your wife, and your son than you will ever believe that I do. I can end your rise to power right here and now.”

“Can you?” Zhao steps even closer, but Ursa backs up immediately. “And why would you want to do that?”

“To keep you away from Azarin. He’s better off without you in his life, no matter what you want to tell yourself.” Ursa stands as confidently as she speaks. Even if Zhao  _ wants _ to attack her, he can’t. He would lose everything over that, too.

Zhao smirks. “That boy needs me, more than you think. If you ask me, he needs to get far away from you and your family.”

Anger threatening to pour out of her, Ursa shoots flames from her hands toward Zhao. She hasn’t used her bending in years, but now seems like an appropriate time to do so, judging by the shocked look on his face. “Stop coming. He won’t want to see you anymore, so stop coming to visit him. You’ve traumatized him enough for a lifetime, already.”

“You can’t keep my son from me,” Zhao says, fire spilling from his fingers. “I never should have sent him there to begin with.”

“You didn’t have a choice, Zhao,” Ursa finally steps forward, ending up far closer to him than she wants to be, but if it drives home her point then she doesn’t care. “And you still don’t have one. He couldn’t go to war unless absolutely necessary until he was thirteen. Even now that he is, you can’t force him because I won’t let you.”

Letting out a vicious snarl, Zhao gets right in Ursa’s face, but she doesn’t flinch. “There is  _ nothing _ you can do that can keep me from taking him.”

“No, there isn’t,” she responds, calmly. “But I can make it to where you have nothing to take him to. I can strip you of your title and status. Permanently.”

“The Fire Lord isn’t going to listen to an insolent, insane woman like you.”

Ursa smiles, reaching a hand up to brush her fingers across Zhao’s cheek. “But he  _ would _ listen to me if I told him about your bending.”

Zhao’s face instantly falls. Exactly what Ursa wanted. “H-How—”

“As I said, I know more about you, your wife, and your son than you would ever think I do. Fire Lord Azulon exterminated any and all spellbenders decades ago. I’m sure he would  _ love _ to add more to the list, especially one that has infiltrated his home and military.” When Zhao just sputters in response, Ursa pats his cheek, still smiling softly. “That’s what I thought.” She turns and heads for the door, pausing in the threshold. “Stay away from my family. That includes Azarin.”

Ursa has no doubt that power and status mean more to Zhao than his own son. She hates to deprive Azarin of any kind of relationship with his father -- even a bad one -- but she can’t let this man hurt him anymore. As she makes her way back to the palace in the dark, she hopes that this is the last time she will ever have to see Zhao, ever again.

When she returns to the palace, her daughter is waiting for her in the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Ursa is surprised, but composes herself quickly as she addresses Azula. “What are you doing awake? Please go back to bed, dear.”

“What are  _ you _ doing awake, mother? And why is ZuZu sleeping in Azarin’s room?”

Ursa sighs, not wanting to deal with this after such an eventful night. She takes Azula’s small shoulders in her hands and begins to push her down the hallway, toward her room. “It is much too late to be talking about this. We can deal with it in the morning, Azula.”

Turning sharply and bending fire from her hands, Azula takes on a fierce stance. “I don’t  _ want _ to talk about it tomorrow! I want to know why you leave in the middle of the night constantly! What are you hiding from father?”

“Azula,  _ please _ just go to bed,” Ursa does not like pleading with her own daughter, but she is out of options. She’s exhausted, and she just wants to get into bed and cry.

Eyes sharply narrowed, Azula finally gives up and turns to go to her room. “Fine. If you ask me, father should have killed your precious ZaZa a long time ago. He doesn’t belong here, he’s a peasant.”

_ “Azula!” _ Ursa snaps. She pulls her daughter by the arm to stop her. “Don’t you  _ ever _ talk about Azarin like that again, he’s—”

“What? He’s what, mother?” Azula, even being a mere eleven, has her father’s smirk down perfectly. “My boyfriend? My  _ brother? _ Zuko is my brother, not Azarin. Azarin is a sailor’s son who somehow weaseled his way into this palace. He doesn’t belong here, but there’s definitely a reason you  _ think _ he does.”

Ursa is silently crying before she can even realize it. Azula is so cruel, even at such a young age. Ursa has no idea how they’re related. She feels a much stronger connection to Azarin than her own child. “Stop. Stop  _ right now, _ Azula.”

Azula doesn’t stop. “Should I tell father how you sneak out to see Zhao? How Azarin is  _ your _ son, how he was conveniently born three months before you married father?” Thankfully, Azula has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about.

Ursa actually smiles through her tears, patting Azula on the head. “You are a cruel child, and you know nothing about me or Azarin. I am not his mother, but I wish so very often I was his instead of yours.”

She stands and walks away, locking the door to her bedroom and thanking whatever higher power is out there that she and Ozai have separate rooms. Ursa drops to the floor against the wall, hugging her legs to her chest, and sobs for what feels like hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a smol filler chapter bc I'm going through some personal stuff and finding it hard to stick to the main storyline :( I promise I refuse to abandon this story, some chapters just may be infinitely shorter than others. i love you guys!! oh also today was my birthday (30th july) so my birthday present to myself was writing ursa being a badass bitch and also teasing a main plot point OKAY BYE


	21. secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin has some things he needs to talk to the gaang about.
> 
> chapter theme: under/over - gracie abrams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episodes four and five: the swamp / avatar day 
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin can’t believe what he’s seeing.

He isn’t asleep, he hasn’t eaten any strange mushrooms (that he knows of), and he has blinked so many times he thinks his eyelids may rip off. Still, the image in front of him doesn’t go away. His mother stands in the shallow water across from him, Ursa beside her. They’re holding hands and they look like they’re smiling at him. He doesn’t want to move, because he’s too afraid the image will be gone and he’ll be lost and alone in the swamp again.

“M-Mom?” He barely whispers the word, and his mother holds up her hand for him to take. Azarin moves toward them, and when they don’t immediately disappear, he starts running.

As soon as he gets close enough to touch them, though, they disappear. In their place is a large tree root, with an extension into the water that looks like an outstretched arm. Azarin stares at it for what feels like forever, before kicking and punching it over and over while tears fall down his cheeks.

He wishes like hell that Aang hadn’t landed in this swamp. They lost Appa and Momo, and now all four of them are separated. Azarin wants to scream and cry because he doesn’t feel like he’s going to find a way out of here on his own. His bending isn’t working, either, which means he has no way to make a fire if he’s here for another night.

“Azarin,” a far too familiar voice calls from behind him while he’s kicking the tree root in front of him. Azarin stops and turns quickly, seeing nothing but trees, vines, and water. He decides to walk in the direction the voice had been, because that couldn’t lead him directly into danger, right?

“Azarin, where are you?” The voice sounds again, like it’s directly in front of him, and this time Azarin can’t mistake it. It’s Zuko’s. “Why did you leave me?”

Azarin starts running toward Zuko’s voice. He can’t see him, but he sounds so close. “Zuko!”

“You abandoned me, Azarin,” Zuko’s voice calls. Azarin starts crying again, but doesn’t stop running toward the voice.

Finally, he can see Zuko standing on top of a tree root. Azarin doesn’t have time to try and understand why Zuko would be here, he just runs toward him with a smile on his face. When he gets close enough to touch him, Zuko turns and isn’t Zuko anymore. It’s Katara, and Azarin tries his best to stop but he’s running too fast and too hard, and they collide. Azarin ends up on top of Katara as she yells from the pain of her back hitting the wood of the tree, but when she realizes who is on top of her, she wraps her arms around Azarin’s neck and pulls her to him.

“This place is so scary,” she says, and Azarin tries his best to smile when she pulls back to look at him.

“That’s an understatement.”

Not a moment later, someone else runs directly into them, causing them all to roll down the tree root with such force that Azarin has the wind knocked out of him. They all yell and stand up to separate the moment they stop rolling; all four of them are together again, somehow.

“What do you guys think you’re doing?!” Sokka exclaims, arms gesturing around them. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Katara scoffs. “Well, I’ve been wandering around looking for  _ you!” _

“I was chasing Zuko,” Azarin adds, stretching his back and legs.

Aang nods in agreement. “I was chasing some girl.”

“What girl?” Katara and Azarin sound off at the same time, and Azarin really wishes he didn’t see the blush on her cheeks soon after.

“I don’t know,” Aang responds, looking a little anxious. “I heard laughing and I saw some girl in a fancy dress.”

“Well, there must be a tea party here and we just didn’t get our invitations!” Sokka says this sarcastically, to which Azarin shoves his shoulder a little bit. He really needs to learn when to shut up, especially when it comes to Aang’s Avatar stuff.

“I thought I saw mom,” Katara says, hesitantly. “And Azarin, you said you were chasing Zuko?”

Azarin nods. “Yeah…but there’s no way he’d be here. He wouldn’t be able to travel as fast as we can with Appa.”

Sokka’s eyes are a little wide with shock, but it lasts for only a moment. “Look, we were all just scared and hungry and our minds were playing tricks on us. That’s why we all saw things out there.”

“You saw something too?” Katara asks, stepping toward Sokka, who shakes his head.

“I thought I saw Yue,” he says, defeatedly. “But, that doesn’t prove anything. I think about her all the time, and you saw mom, someone you miss a lot. Azarin saw—”

“And heard,” Azarin adds, quickly.

Sokka rolls his eyes. “...And heard Zuko, his childhood best friend who he just recently left for dead.”

“Wow, Sokka, way to be sensitive.” Azarin tries to hide how what Sokka says really does sting. “I also saw my mother...and Zuko’s mother.”

“See? All people we miss terribly.” Sokka sounds completely sure of himself, until Aang speaks up.

“What about me? I didn’t know the girl I saw. And all our visions led us right here.”

When Aang says this, Azarin looks around, wondering exactly where  _ here _ is. “So...what’s here? The middle of the swamp?”

Aang looks around, too, up at the giant tree that none of them had seen they were next to. “Yeah...the center. It’s the heart of the swamp, it’s been calling us here. I knew it!” Aang sounds hopeful, and Azarin can’t help but find it cute. Aang is always the optimist.

Sokka, however, has to be the pessimist, of course. “It’s  _ just _ a tree. It can’t call anyone. For the last time, there’s  _ nothing _ after us, and there’s nothing magical happening here!”

As if waiting on a cue of some sort, a monster made completely out of vines from the swamp pops up out of nowhere and begins attacking them. Azarin jumps out of the way immediately, but Sokka isn’t so lucky. As he’s running away, the vines from the monster catch his legs and bring him back. Azarin tries to bend to burn the vines so Sokka is set free, but nothing happens. He supposes his lucky streak of his bending working in the worst of times has run out.

“Azarin, what are you doing?! Burn this thing into nothing!” Sokka calls out from the air. Azarin tries again but still, nothing happens.

“I’m sorry, Sokka, I—” He starts, but Sokka is taken even further away and Azarin doesn’t have time to explain. Luckily, Aang cuts off the vines holding Sokka with some airbending, and Sokka drops into the water, cutting himself free with his boomerang.

Aang looks over at Azarin, determined look on his face. “What happened to your bending?”

“I don’t know,” Azarin answers. Before Aang can say anything else, he’s knocked out of the way by the monster, and Azarin looks back to see Sokka in the vines’ clutches again. He sighs, and chases it as fast as he can through the water, hoping that maybe his bending will work if he’s angry enough.

Katara is fighting the monster when he catches up, and she’s definitely losing. Azarin decides that even if he can’t bend, he can still help in a fight. He jumps from tree root to tree root in front of the monster, distracting it so Katara can continue attacking and trying to set Sokka free. Aang shows back up to help just as the vines start to pull Sokka into the center of the monster, his head the only thing barely remaining to be seen, other than his small sword that he’s trying (and failing) to cut the vines with.

They get Sokka free with Aang’s airbending and Katara’s breath of ice, all while Azarin is distracting the monster with how much he’s jumping around. He gets knocked down at some point, and the monster turns its attention back to Sokka, going after him. Aang tries to stop it, but it just hits him out of the way again. Katara uses thin pieces of water to slice the monster over and over again, giving Azarin time to make his way over to Sokka, who’s watching it all intently. Sokka notices that there’s someone inside the vines, that it isn’t a monster at all, and Katara slices the top off of it, but it attacks her directly.

Aang comes back and airbends the vines off of the man. “Why’d you call me here if you just wanted to kill us?”

The man tries to bend the vines back around himself, but stops. “Wait!” The vines fall down around him, revealing his full body finally. “I didn’t call you here.”

All of them look at each other, still in attack stances, until Aang responds. “We were flying over and I heard something calling to me, telling me to land.”

“He’s the Avatar,” Sokka says, sounding a little annoyed. “Stuff like that happens to us a lot.”

The man looks shocked for a moment, then gestures behind him. “The Avatar! Come with me.”

Azarin thinks this man has to be insane, because wasn’t he just  _ attacking _ all of them? “You  _ really _ think we’re just going to follow you into a trap so you can kill us?!”

“I’m not going to kill you, this was just a misunderstanding.” The man smiles, which makes Azarin feel at least a little better. He sounds genuine.

Sokka isn’t buying it, though.  _ “Misunderstanding?! _ You almost ate me!”

The man shakes his head, looking a little offended. “Oh no, I eat a lot of things, but you wouldn’t even have enough meat on you to even consider.” All of them laugh, except Sokka, and they follow the man to wherever it is he wants to take them.

They end up climbing the giant tree and the man tells them about how the swamp is, in fact, magical and mystical, despite what Sokka wants to believe. He explains how the swamp is actually just one large tree, expanding for miles, with its roots all connected back to the same place. He says that their visions were there to remind them that time isn’t real, and that they are still connected to the people they care about, even if they’re separated by space, or death. Azarin has to admit that he sounds insane, but a single person able to bend every element being reincarnated hundreds of times also sounds insane, and that exists.

They find Appa and Momo about to be taken somewhere to be cooked and eaten by some more swamp people who turn out to be waterbenders. They spend the night eating some awfully strange food, but in the end, Azarin has a full stomach and they aren’t in any immediate danger at the moment. He counts it as a win for the day.

“Azarin, is there any particular reason you choose not to firebend at the worst possible times?” Sokka asks him, while they’re lying down to sleep in one of the huts the swamp people let them use. Azarin’s breath catches in his throat as Sokka continues. “I mean, I get it, you don’t want to be like everyone else in the Fire Nation, blah blah blah, but we  _ really _ could have used your help today.”

“Yeah...what happened out there, Azarin?” Aang’s voice sounds, and Azarin can feel himself begin to panic. “Did you choose not to use your bending?”

Taking in a deep breath, Azarin shakes his head, even though it’s pitch black and they most likely can’t see him. “I didn’t choose not to bend. I...I literally  _ couldn’t _ bend. I tried. It’s like my firebending just...stopped working.”

“Great...just  _ great,” _ Sokka says, sounding incredibly frustrated and Azarin just  _ knows _ his hands are in the air, waving around dramatically, even if he can’t see them. “We have a kid as the Avatar, a firebender that can’t firebend, and a lovesick teenage girl. Am I the only person here that thinks we’re just a band of misfits at this point?!”

“Shut  _ up, _ Sokka,” Katara finally speaks. “Azarin is going through a lot, and bending is something that takes extreme mental focus. It makes sense that he’d have trouble with his bending right now, especially if he saw his mother, Zuko’s mother,  _ and _ Zuko in the swamp.”

Azarin can almost feel the eyeroll Sokka gives. “Like I said...lovesick teenage girl. Ow!” Katara has obviously hit Sokka somewhere, but Azarin is just staring up into the darkness.

Aang’s hand touches his shoulder gently, bringing Azarin at least a semblance of comfort. “Don’t worry, Azarin. We’ll figure out why your bending isn’t working. Maybe some meditation will help! That always helps me when I’m having a hard time.”

“Thanks, Aang,” Azarin says, even if he’s worried that they’re going to abandon him if he can’t teach Aang firebending. “Hopefully it comes back soon.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A few days later, while they’re in the middle of being attacked by Fire Nation troops first thing in the morning, Azarin notices that his bending is back, because when he kicks one of them in the ribs, his foot is on fire. “Hey guys, look!” He shouts, ducking underneath a punch from the man on the war rhinoceros. Azarin breathes fire into his face to make him fall off, then gets on, himself and takes the bag of money strapped to the side of the creature’s saddle before it kicks him off.

“Hell yeah!” Sokka exclaims, from Appa’s back. “The heat’s back on!”

Azarin grabs his sleeping bag as quickly as possible, helping Katara up onto Appa, and they fly away. When one of the soldiers sends a stream of fire at them, Azarin returns the favor, but three times larger. It’s now that Sokka notices they don’t have his boomerang, but it’s far too late to go back for it, and Katara makes that very clear.

“Oh, I see,” her brother starts, sounding angry. “Azarin gets his bending back, there’s time to get  _ your _ scrolls and  _ your _ staff, but no time for my boomerang?!”

Katara smiles at him brightly. “That’s correct!”

“Let’s just agree that whenever we make camp from now on, we leave everything but our sleeping bags in Appa’s saddle,” Azarin says, trying to prevent a fight between the siblings. He pats Sokka on the shoulder. “Do you still have your knife?”

Sokka sighs, pulling it out of its holster defeatedly. “Yeah, but it’s not my boomerang.”

Sokka remains in a terrible mood, even after they find a nearby village and get some more supplies to replace the ones they lost. With the money Azarin got from Iroh, along with the money he just took from the Fire Nation troops, he thinks he needs to get some new clothes as soon as possible. While Aang and Katara get food and some new blankets, Azarin drags Sokka with him to a few clothing shops and tailors.

“What do you think?” Azarin asks, walking out of the dressing room after being fitted by two extremely giggly women. “Is it too...green?”

Sokka waves at him dismissively, yawning. “It’s fine. Just like the last one. Why couldn’t you have brought Katara with you to do this? She would  _ die _ for this kind of alone time with you.”

Azarin shrugs, willing away his anxiousness. “She’s going to say I look good in anything. Plus, you need a distraction from losing your boomerang.”

_ “Boomerang!” _ Sokka exclaims, extremely sadly, as he shrinks into his chair. Azarin really shouldn’t have mentioned that thing at all. “I’m not me without my boomerang…”

“Sokka, you’re still you, and we can get you a new one if we can find one.”

“How? Weapons are  _ so expensive.” _ Sokka says this as dramatically as possible, and Azarin rolls his eyes, pulling out his bags of money. Sokka’s eyes grow wide. “How did you get that much money?! Are you still getting money from Zuko?”

Azarin laughs, shaking his head and putting the money away again. “No, Iroh gave me quite a bit when I left, and I took money from those Fire Nation soldiers. It’s their fault for leaving it tied to the rhinoceros’ saddle.”

“Don’t tell Katara you stole it,” Sokka immediately says, rolling his eyes. “She’ll get her panties all in a twist, and not in the way you’d enjoy.”

Azarin, who had been drinking some water that the tailor women had given him, chokes and coughs after hearing this. “Sokka, please do  _ not _ talk about your sister like that. Ever.”

Finally, Sokka smiles. “I like the outfit, Azarin. Way less Fire Nation, but you’ll have to get rid of your little red hair thingy.” He points to the top of Azarin’s head, causing Azarin’s hand to go to his hair bun, protecting it childishly.

“I love my bun!” He says, but pulls it down nonetheless. The Fire Nation insignia on his hair tie is entirely too obvious. It’s best that he looks the part completely, so they don’t get into any more trouble on his behalf. “But...you’re right. I guess I’ll have to wear my hair down, unless you’re willing to share your hair ties, Mr. Ponytail.”

“Katara will like your hair down better, anyway,” Sokka responds, with his eyebrows wagging in a suggestive way that Azarin does  _ not _ want to think about. “And no. I only have one, and it stays in my hair unless I’m washing it. You’ll have to go with this messy, angsty, troubled teenage boy look.”

Laughing, Azarin takes the bag with his Fire Nation clothing in it, as well as the few other Earth Kingdom clothes he liked, from the tailor women and pays them, walking with Sokka out of the shop. “In case you haven’t noticed, Sokka, I  _ am _ a messy, angsty, troubled teenage boy.”

“Then this look is perfect for you!” Sokka responds, patting Azarin on the back. “Now where’s my sister and Aang?” They walk back toward the food market and find Katara taking a basket of produce from a shopkeeper, but when she sees Azarin and Sokka walking toward them, she drops the basket.

“A-Azarin?” She stutters, which in turn makes Azarin want to turn and run away. He has to tell her that he doesn’t like her soon...this is getting to be too much to deal with, if he’s being honest. The blush in her cheeks is cute, but definitely not cute in the way she wants Azarin to think.

Aang, picking up the dropped produce, looks annoyed and Azarin can’t blame him. “Yeah, Azarin looks good in his new clothes, Katara. Why did you drop the food?”

“Because she’s clearly stunned by this new, improved look Azarin has going on,” Sokka says, making matters worse even though he thinks he’s helping. “Look at the nice green color, the belt, the shoes...and the hair without that Fire Nation symbol staring at us everywhere we go.” Sokka points to each thing he mentions, quite dramatically, and Azarin wants to literally sink into the ground like he had at that Earth Kingdom base with General Fong.

“They get it, Sokka,” Azarin says, hand pushing back the hair from his face nervously. He’s going to have to get used to having his hair down, for sure. “It isn’t a big deal, guys. I just got some new clothes.”

“I kinda liked your Fire Nation outfit.” Aang tries to smile, but Azarin knows he’s hurting from the way Katara is staring at him. “It was like we were all from different places, but united as one.”

Aang has a point, and the thought is nice, but with the current state of the world, they really shouldn’t be risking it. Before he can mention that, though, Katara is stepping to him and looking him over more closely. “Yeah, but if we’re going to be traveling within the Earth Kingdom, we can’t have someone that’s clearly from the Fire Nation with us. It’s good that Azarin got some new clothes, and they look really nice on him, anyway.” Before Azarin can even realize what’s happening, Katara leans up and kisses his cheek. He absolutely  _ hates _ the heat that goes to his face, because he knows he’s blushing and that everyone else is going to read it the wrong way. “You look nice,” Katara finishes, then steps away from him, face nearly as red as the clothes Azarin had been wearing before.

He really,  _ really _ needs to tell them soon.


	22. confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin’s feelings get overwhelming.
> 
> chapter theme: is there somewhere - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episode six: the blind bandit
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“This is just gonna be a bunch of guys chucking rocks at each other, isn’t it?” Katara’s question comes after they had nearly all been pulverized by a giant boulder crashing into the empty seats next to them. Azarin rolls his eyes a bit, nudging Sokka in the side and imitating the prissy way Katara is sitting. Sokka laughs, a little uncontrollably.

“That’s what I paid for,” Sokka says this through his laughs.

Azarin smiles, leaning past Sokka to speak to his sister. “Lighten up, Katara. We don’t get to do things like this often!”

Even if Katara is annoyed at the fact that they’re here to watch a bunch of men fight each other in an earthbending arena, Azarin knows she can’t deny that he’s right. They had spent an entire day trying to clear the Avatar’s name recently only for Avatar Kyoshi to show up and ruin all of their plans. They deserve a nice break, even if in the process they’re still looking to find Aang an earthbending teacher.

After watching the first fight, Sokka is already into it. He cheers for The Boulder, but when the next opponent comes out, Azarin sinks back into his seat. ‘Fire Nation Man’ is an absolute embarrassment, especially when he gets onto his knees to sing the Fire Nation national anthem. Sokka stands and yells at him to go back to the Fire Nation while throwing rocks at him, and Aang hits him in the side.

“Sokka, be a little more sensitive, maybe?” The Avatar says, gesturing to Azarin, who’s nearly on the floor from how far down he’s sunken into his seat.

“Azarin could annihilate that dude with one strike, he’s good to stay with us.” Sokka grins, but it just makes Azarin more embarrassed.

The more Azarin watches, though, the more he gets into it, as well. He does enjoy fighting, especially when it involves bending. He’s only ever watched firebending fights, but earthbending is something completely different. He loves the way the rocks sound when they come up from the ground, and how much strength it must take to shove giant boulders at another person hard enough to shove them across an entire arena. He wishes for a small moment that he was an earthbender, but he knows he was born to bend fire. It’s always been his favorite, even now when he’s traveling the world and seeing different elements be bended, he knows fire will always be his thing.

At the end of the fight, a small girl comes into the arena and Xin Fu announces that  _ she _ is the standing champion of this fight. Azarin can’t believe what he’s seeing, because she looks to be about Aang’s age, and she’s  _ blind _ .

The girl takes down The Boulder in two swift moves. Sokka is extremely upset when this happens, because he has been rooting for The Boulder this whole time, but Azarin is just left staring at this little girl in awe.

“Aang, she  _ has _ to be the one to teach you earthbending,” he says, rather excitedly shaking Aang by the shoulders. “She—”

“Waits, and listens,” Aang finishes, looking up at him. “Like Bumi told me!”

Azarin nods, but his smile fades as Aang gets up from his seat just as Xin Fu announces he’s giving a bag of gold to anyone willing to fight and beat The Blind Bandit. “Aang, what are you—”

“Let him go, he just wants to talk to her,” Katara stops him from getting up, too. Azarin sits as Sokka goes crazy cheering for The Blind Bandit. They watch as Aang avoids her attacks swiftly in an airbender fashion, with light feet and no attacks. Then again, this is an earthbending competition, so Azarin thinks if Aang were obviously airbending then they would disqualify him.

In the end, even though Aang  _ does _ knock her off the arena and wins, he doesn’t get to talk to her. They leave with their bag of gold and Sokka brandishing the champion belt like a fool, but it amuses Azarin to no end if he’s being honest. If there’s anything he can count on to make him laugh, it’s Sokka acting like an idiot in public.

The next day they spend a little while trying to figure out who The Blind Bandit is, and end up at some rich people’s house getting attacked by the exact girl they’re looking for. She shuts them down and forces them to flee, but Aang being the Avatar comes in handy for times like this. They end up having dinner with the Beifong family and staying in their guest room for the night, which Azarin is absolutely not opposed to. He’s reminded of the palace back in the Fire Nation, with its intricate decorations and dim lighting. He misses being back there with Zuko, running around and giving Azula hell for no reason. He misses his old life sometimes, but he knows he’s here for a reason.

Aang goes off to talk to Toph while the rest of them try to sleep. Unfortunately, their sleep is cut short when the loud sound of metal crashing wakes them all up, even Toph’s parents. They find Aang and Toph gone, a ransom note in their place. Azarin starts to wonder if he’s ever going to get any sleep while he’s with Aang, Katara, and Sokka.

The people that run the earthbending championship give Toph back willingly, but they keep Aang in the metal crate they have him in, saying that the Fire Nation will pay more for the Avatar than they could even possibly give. Azarin is exhausted, tired of all the kidnapping and fighting and the Fire Nation breathing down his neck at every turn. He wants to leave and go back to Omashu to force King Bumi to teach Aang earthbending, because everything they’ve been through since leaving Omashu just isn’t worth it to him.

Still, he stays to help, especially when Toph shows an insane display of earthbending power. It’s like watching the championship all over again, but he, Katara, and Sokka have to try and get Aang out of the metal crate.

“Azarin, melt the lock off!” Sokka says, and Azarin nods, taking in a deep breath, and — nothing. “Seriously?!  _ Now _ is when your bending stops working again?”

“I don’t have control over it, Sokka, I don’t even know  _ why _ it does this!” Azarin is getting angry, but not at Sokka. He’s angry at himself for whatever it is that’s keeping his bending from working when they  _ really _ need his firebending at the moment. He wants to cry, but he can’t.

Sokka starts beating the lock with a rock, and Aang flinches from inside the crate, but looks determined. “Hit it harder, Sokka!”

“I’m trying!” Sokka continues to bang on the lock, but it doesn’t work. They turn their attention to the bottom of the crate, where it supposedly opens, and end up getting Aang out that way just in time to watch Toph fight the arena master.

She, of course, beats him, and they all head back to the Beifong property while the moon is still high. After some arguing and a heartfelt speech from Toph, they once again leave empty handed. Azarin starts to think Aang will literally  _ never _ learn earthbending.

After they leave and start packing up their things so it doesn’t all fly off while they fly on Appa, Azarin sits against a tree, trying to light a fire in his hand over and over. It doesn’t work, and he feels so much anger and rage boiling inside him that he feels like he might explode. He wants to scream, but instead he just lets his tears fall freely. Without his firebending, he feels completely useless, especially to Aang. They all want him to teach Aang firebending after he learns earthbending, and that’s now more of a reality than ever because they’re going to continue looking for a teacher every day until they find him one. What happens when Aang is ready to learn firebending, but Azarin can’t bend?

“Are you crying?” Katara’s voice comes from in front of him and Azarin quickly wipes away his tears, turning his head so his hair falls in his face and she can’t see him. His bending being gone isn’t the worst of his problems right now...it’s Katara. “Azarin, what’s wrong?”

He shakes his head as she kneels in front of him. “It’s nothing. I’m fine, don’t worry.”

She moves his hair back behind his ear, then pulls his chin up to look at her. Azarin thinks Katara is really pretty, but in a completely different way than he should. He thinks she reminds him of his mother. “You’re not okay. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry.”

This for some reason makes him cry harder. Everything he’s been going through — losing Zuko and Iroh, killing his father, changing sides in the war, trying to gain the courage to tell his new friends that he likes boys, and now losing his bending power — is now all coming out in the worst of ways. He doesn’t know what to do, or how to fix things, and he thinks about Zuko a lot more than he should but he’s stopped having nightmares so that’s confusing...and he just feels so confused, and frustrated. And Katara is so good and nice and kind, he can’t break her heart like he knows he’s going to if he tells her he doesn’t like her. He cares about her now.

“I-I just…” Azarin starts, feeling Katara’s fingers wiping away his tears. “So much is happening, so much has  _ happened _ and I haven’t even had time to process the fact that I  _ killed _ my father, but now my bending isn’t working when I need it the most and that’s so fucking scary...what if it stops working and I die? What if  _ we _ die?”

“We’ll figure it out, Azarin. We figure everything out, remember? It’ll be okay. It’s understandable that you’re upset...you haven’t had any time to process the things that have happened to you because we get into trouble like every other day.” Katara smiles. She smiles and it kills Azarin, because she clearly likes him  _ a lot _ and he’s just been lying to her and everyone else for no good reason. She wraps her arms around him and he returns it, because he just needs  _ some _ form of comfort at the moment. “I’m sorry you’re going through so much, Azarin.”

He cries a little harder, but eventually stops as Katara lets him go and moves back to look at him. She has a strange look in her eyes that he can’t place, but when she starts moving closer to him, he knows exactly what it was. She presses her lips against his and Azarin feels so wrong that it almost makes him sick.

He brings his hands to her shoulders and pushes her off of him gently, trying not to let his tears start again. His heart is thumping hard in his chest. “Katara...I…”

“I’m so sorry, Azarin, I shouldn’t have done that, not when you’re so upset like this,” Katara has tears welling in her eyes, herself. “Please don’t hate me…”

Azarin shakes his head, because how in the world could she think she’s done anything wrong? “I don’t hate you, Katara. You’re just acting on how you feel.” He pauses, trying to smile, but he’s almost positive that it comes off extremely awkward. He looks away from her for a moment. “I just...I’m sorry that I can’t return it.”

She blinks. “Wh-What do you mean? You don’t like me?”

“I...don’t.” Taking in a deep breath, Azarin removes his hands from her shoulders. “Not in the way you like me.”

“I don’t understand...you said…” She trails off, looking more and more upset with each passing second.

_ “Zuko _ said,” Azarin finishes for her. “He brought it up to get back at me for leaving. He thought I had a crush on you and I...lied, and said I did.”

Katara shakes her head, her tears finally falling. “I...I don’t get it. Why would you lie, Azarin?”

He doesn’t want to say it. He can’t say it, everything inside him is screaming at him not to say it, because they’re going to abandon him when they find out who he really has a crush on...who he’s really in love with. But he can’t lie to Katara anymore, not when she actually matters to him now.

“I lied because...well...I was having a conversation with him about my feelings, and he just assumed the person I was talking about was you. It wasn’t you, but I was too scared to tell him the truth.”

“Who were you talking about?” She questions him immediately, and Azarin swears he can hear his heart in his fucking ears. He can’t answer, he’s staring at her and she’s looking at him expectantly until the smallest spark of realization ripples through her expression. “You...you like  _ Zuko…” _

Azarin’s tears start again, but he can’t speak. He just nods. When he does, Katara stands and backs away with the most shocked look on her face. Here it is...the abandonment, the shame, the fear. Azarin stands, too. “P-Please...Katara... _ please…” _ He closes his eyes and waits for the worst to happen.

It doesn’t. He feels Katara’s arms around him again, holding him tightly. When he opens his eyes he sees her hair and wonders what the hell is going on. Why isn’t she yelling at him, attacking him, accusing him of being a spy for Zuko? Why isn’t she angry and telling him to leave?

“It’s okay, Azarin,” Katara says, voice shaking from crying. Azarin is more confused than he’s ever been.

“I-It’s not okay...I lied to you...I hurt you…” He can barely speak above a whisper, especially when she pulls back and looks at him with pain and tears in her eyes. “You should hate me…”

She shakes her head and places a hand on his cheek. “You did lie, and you did hurt me. But you’re just confused and scared, and everything has happened so fast. When would you have had time to tell me any of this in the first place?”

Now that Azarin thinks about it, Katara is right. They haven’t been alone together at all, not since what happened at the Northern Water Tribe. Something drastic has happened almost every day since he joined them, and so many other things are going on that this isn’t even close to being important enough to bring up while they’re trying to rescue Aang from kidnappers, or trying to keep him from being arrested for crimes he didn’t commit. Azarin’s fear has led him to believe that Katara would hate him and cast him out if he tells her the truth, but that isn’t Katara. The reason Azarin doesn’t want to hurt her so much is because of how good of a person she is, but within his fear of hurting her, he had forgotten just that.

“Thank you, Katara…” Azarin finally responds, wiping his own tears and smiling just a little. “I was so scared...I’ve always been so scared to talk about it. My father didn’t give me this burn because I stood up to him...he gave it to me because I told him I liked Zuko. I’m always afraid everyone else is going to react the same way.”

Katara smiles at him, warmly. Azarin never thought that a waterbender could make him feel so warm. “Your father is gone, Azarin. He’s never coming back. You don’t have to be scared anymore. Do you know why I liked you so much?”

“My hair?” Azarin thinks it’s funny, but Katara just gives him a pointed look.

“No. I mean, the way you look is definitely an addition, but…” She trails off, but finds her place again quickly. “I liked you so much because even when we were supposed to be enemies, you showed me kindness. You showed me that you were a good person, that you had a good heart, that you knew right from wrong despite where you were from and who your best friend was. And when you made the decision to  _ leave _ your best friend and betray your country in the name of doing what’s right, I liked you even more because it meant that I was right about you.” Katara pauses, her eyes roaming over his face for a moment. “But now...now I know how incredibly difficult that must have been for you if you like Zuko in that way. Now — even more than before — I know that you’re a good person, because doing what’s right meant more to you than how you felt for him.”

Azarin swears he could kiss Katara in this moment, but that would be too terribly ironic. “Katara, I swear if I liked girls in that way... _ you _ would be the girl I like.”

She hugs him again, laughing a little. “That really does make me feel better, surprisingly.” Pulling back, Katara takes his hands into hers, and for once the thought of holding Katara’s hand doesn’t make him want to run away. “What do you say...friends?”

“Friends,” Azarin responds, with his own smile.

“Katara! Azarin! Stop making out in the woods and  _ look!” _ Sokka’s voice comes from behind them, and they both look over to see Toph standing next to Aang.

Katara turns back to him, lowering her voice. “It’d probably be best if we didn’t tell them yet, but we will. Don’t worry.” With a quick kiss to his cheek, Katara turns around and joins them in welcoming Toph. Apparently, her father had changed his mind at the last minute, which is great. Azarin is just too filled with overwhelming emotions to be too excited about Toph being there. With everything out in the open, at least with Katara, Azarin feels worlds better about at least one thing.

Now he can start worrying about his firebending.


	23. memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko doesn't miss azarin.
> 
> chapter theme: misguided ghosts - paramore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episode seven: zuko alone
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Zuko has never been more angry.

Even after an entire week of Azarin being gone, he still feels so much rage whenever he thinks of him. Zuko doesn’t want to care, he doesn’t want to give Azarin the satisfaction even if he isn’t here to see it...but he can’t help himself. Azarin has been his best friend for so long that Zuko can’t imagine his life without him, even though he’s already been experiencing it. Every day, he wakes up thinking Azarin will be there with some snarky comment about Zuko’s hair, or the cave they’re staying in. But...he isn’t, and Zuko is reminded all over again how absolutely angry he is.

“Is there any particular reason you’ve been staring at the ceiling for at least an hour?” Uncle’s voice brings him back to reality, but Zuko doesn’t answer. Iroh sighs. “I am sure Azarin misses you just as much as you miss him, Prince Zuko.”

This catches his attention. Zuko sits up, fire spilling from his fist. “I _don’t_ miss him! He’s as good as dead to me.”

“Such a shame, when friends fight,” Iroh says, shaking his head, which makes Zuko even more irritated. He shouts in frustration.

“We aren’t fighting, and we aren’t friends anymore. In case you haven’t noticed, uncle, Azarin _abandoned_ us.” Zuko wants to say he can’t believe his uncle still thinks he and Azarin can be friends after this, but he isn’t surprised at all. Iroh always sees the best in everything and everyone, and it’s beginning to get under Zuko’s skin. After a moment of standing there with heat pouring off of him, Zuko turns to walk out of the cave, toward the town in the distance. “I’m going to find some food.”

“Please see if they have any ginseng tea, nephew!”

Zuko shakes his head, but continues walking. When he comes to the place in the ground where he’s hidden his mask and swords, he quickly looks around and makes sure his uncle hasn’t followed him, then places the mask over his face and wraps the sword holster around his hips. As he’s securing the buckle on the holster, sunlight from above flashes against his vision, making him shut his eyes tightly for a moment. He realizes that the light had reflected off of his bracelet, and Zuko stares at the piece of metal around his wrist.

_I want you to have it because I want you to always remember I’m here for you. It’s you and me against the world, always._

Before he can stop it from happening, tears form in his eyes and Zuko takes the bracelet off as quickly as he can, dropping it into his hiding place. Zuko wipes his tears away and stares at the bracelet in the dirt, ignoring everything in him telling him to pick it up. He doesn’t want it anymore. Azarin lied.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later, when Zuko returns with food, his uncle holds up the bracelet for him to take. “You seemed to have dropped this when you left earlier.”

Zuko shakes his head, sitting against the cave wall and crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t want it. Throw it away...burn it until it melts, for all I care.” The look on Iroh’s face is sad, but Zuko can’t let himself care. He knows his uncle is going to give him some lecture about friendship, but he doesn’t want to listen.

“Zuko...I think you will want to hang on to this, even if you and Azarin aren’t as close as you used to be. He was still a part of your life, and this was his mother’s. He trusted you with it.”

“I trusted _him!”_ Zuko shouts in response to Iroh, fists clenched. “Why should I care about betraying his trust with a stupid bracelet when he did far worse to me?!”

Iroh retracts his hand, placing the bracelet in his pocket. “Very well, nephew. I will hold on to it for you.”

Zuko doesn’t respond. He doesn’t want to talk about Azarin, he doesn’t even want to _think_ about Azarin. Thinking about him brings up so many feelings of anger and hurt that Zuko never wants to feel again. He would rather push it all down and just try to survive, considering he and uncle are now fugitives with no home, money, or dignity.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Maybe Zuko is being reckless and stupid when he makes the decision to leave his uncle behind, but he doesn’t care. He’s tired of lectures, tired of being told what to do, and tired of being judged for finding ways for them to survive. He just needs to get back on his feet, then he can continue chasing the Avatar and, in turn, get back at Azarin for abandoning him.

When Zuko is forced to follow this kid named Lee home, he doesn’t know what to expect. He goes along with what the kid’s family asks of him, mainly because they’re going to feed him and help take care of his ostrich horse. Without his uncle around, he has a lot of time to think to himself, considering he doesn’t talk much. He doesn’t like thinking about the past, but he can’t help it. The past is what led him to this place, wherever this place is. He has to try and fix his wrongs in the past...he has to try to correct it. It’s the only way things will ever go back to normal, and Zuko wants everything to go back _so badly._ He’ll do anything to have things back to the way they were.

_“Until then, enjoy these gifts,” Ursa reads, as the servants around them hand out the presents Iroh has sent for the children. “For Zuko, a pearl dagger from the general who surrendered when we broke through the outer wall. Note the inscription, and superior craftsmanship.”_

_Zuko unsheathes the dagger, reading the engraving aloud. “Never give up without a fight...this is so cool!” He makes stabbing motions with the knife, toward Azarin, who laughs._

_“Be careful with that thing!” Azarin says, avoiding another stab from Zuko. “You’re gonna kill me…” He makes a fake choking sound, then drops to the floor like he’s actually been stabbed._

_Ursa, from her seat, laughs before reading off more of the letter from Iroh. “For Azula, a new friend. She wears the latest fashion for Earth Kingdom girls.”_

_Azula makes a disgusted face, holding the doll away from her. “If uncle doesn’t make it back from war, then dad would be next in line to be Fire Lord, wouldn’t he?”_

_“Azula, we don’t speak that way,” Ursa responds, while Zuko and Azarin continue to play-fight. “It would be awful if Uncle Iroh didn’t return. And besides, Fire Lord Azulon is the picture of health.”_

_Zuko sticks his tongue out at Azula. “How would you like it if cousin Lu Ten wanted dad to die?”_

_Ignoring Zuko, Azula grips the doll Iroh sent her and lights it on fire. “I still think our dad would make a much better Fire Lord than his royal tea-loving kookiness.”_

_“And for Azarin, the loyal friend,” Ursa speaks sternly over Azula. “A Fire Nation royal hair pin and tie. This is also from Lu Ten, he agreed to pass it on to a strong, brave boy who’s always there for young Zuko. May it give you the encouragement to always serve your family and country.”_

_Azarin, in the middle of writhing on the floor from being fake-stabbed by Zuko, stands slowly as a servant hands him his gift. He watches the light gleam off of the Fire Nation insignia, then looks up at Ursa. “This is so nice of General Iroh and Lu Ten! Can I put it on now?!”_

_Zuko nudges him in the side, sticking out his tongue at his friend playfully. “You got a hair tie and I got a knife. I win!”_

_“Zuko, be nice,” his mother warns, while she takes the pin and tie from Azarin. He stands still while she pulls his hair out of the tie it’s already in, then fashions the new one into it gracefully. “Azarin’s gift is extremely thoughtful. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it for a long time, won’t you, Azarin?” She pats his shoulders when she’s done and he nods excitedly. Ursa places a small kiss to the side of Azarin’s head. “Off you go, boys. Azula, too. I have to speak with Prince Ozai soon.”_

_“Hey Rin, let’s go firebend some apples from the tree outside!” Zuko takes Azarin’s hand and they run through the palace._

Zuko is an extremely light sleeper, so when Lee sneaks into the barn where he’s sleeping and takes his swords, he follows the boy silently and watches as he tries to use the blades to no avail. For some reason, Zuko isn’t upset. This is just a kid with a fucked up life, and any excitement he can latch onto is going to make him happy. Zuko doesn’t want to take that away, so instead of blowing up on Lee, he shows him how to use the blades properly.

In the moonlight, Zuko sees a flash of metal on Lee’s wrist and catches it in his hand as quickly as possible. Azarin’s bracelet is there, hanging loosely around the kid’s tiny wrist. Zuko takes it off of him. “Where did you get that?”

“It, uh...it fell out of the saddle of your ostrich horse while we were giving him a bath.” Lee looks like he’s just been caught with alcohol, but Zuko is barely paying attention. Of course his uncle would put the bracelet into his things before giving him the ostrich horse...Zuko isn’t surprised at all. He just wants to know _why_ Iroh wants him to hang on to his friendship with Azarin even after everything that’s happened. He guesses he’ll never know.

Zuko shakes his head, putting the bracelet around his own wrist so it doesn’t get lost again. “Don’t take my things again, ‘kay?”

Lee nods, and they walk back to the barn so Zuko can go back to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_“Mom?” Zuko rubs sleep from his eyes. His mother makes her way over to his bed, sitting next to him as he sits up._

_“Zuko, please, my love...listen to me,” Ursa starts, pulling him into an embrace. Zuko has no idea what’s going on, but the feeling in his chest tells him that this isn’t good. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you. Remember this, Zuko,” she looks in his eyes as she stands. “No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.”_

_Zuko stares groggily up at his mother, heart beginning to beat wildly in his chest from anxiousness. “M-Mom, what’s going on?”_

_“Shh, Zuko. Go back to sleep. And,” her eyes look sadly at him before she leans down to kiss his forehead. When she pulls back, there are tears in her eyes. “Take care of Azarin. He loves you more than you’d ever believe.” When she moves back, Zuko sees a flash of metal under her sleeves. She has on a bracelet exactly like Azarin’s, but Zuko is too confused and sleepy to ask about it._

_He’ll ask her in the morning._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Katara decides that it’s a good idea to be affectionate with each other until they decide when the time is right to tell the rest of the group about how he feels. Azarin doesn’t completely agree, but it wouldn’t hurt to continue to play along with the crush thing until the time is right. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that Katara could be saying it’s a good idea just so she can live out her crush fantasies with him even after finding out the truth, but Katara isn’t like that. He knows she isn’t, he’s just used to everyone around him having ulterior motives for everything. He guesses being raised in the Fire Nation does that to someone.

He really feels bad for Aang the most. He can tell how the affection hurts the kid because he clearly likes Katara _a lot,_ and if Azarin is being honest he thinks they’d be cute together. He feels terrible for hurting Aang, and that isn’t just because the kid is the Avatar and could kick his ass without a second thought, but that fact definitely adds to it for sure. Even now, when they’re all bathing and having fun in a river they’ve stopped at, Aang is trying his absolute hardest to keep Katara’s attention by showing her cute waterbending tricks he’s learned.

“Look at this, it looks like an urchin!” He says, spiking out the water in his hand with his bending.

Katara, several feet away and next to Azarin, laughs a little. “That’s so good, Aang!” While Aang blushes more than he should be around everyone, Katara turns back to Azarin, who’s rinsing out his hair in the water. “You’ve got Appa fur in your hair.”

Azarin sighs, pulling more wet fur from his dark hair. “Why do you think I’m rinsing it? His shedding is making every day a bad hair day for me.” Hearing a low grumble from the giant, wet bison on the shore next to them, Azarin laughs. “You know I love you, Appa, but I don’t think white hair is a good look for me.” When Azarin looks back to Katara, who’s smiling, he sees Aang behind her with a dejected look on his face. “Katara, I really think you should spend some time with Aang.”

She stares at him, confused, while she wrings out the water from her hair. “What? Why?”

Azarin rolls his eyes a little. Katara really is oblivious when it comes to boys, from the fact that she couldn’t notice Azarin has never liked her to her having absolutely no clue about Aang’s crush on her...but Azarin isn’t about to risk being frozen in a block of ice by telling her any of that. “Well, you’ve been spending a lot of time with me lately and I just think he misses you, is all.”

Katara lets out a sigh, shrugging. “Yeah...you’re right. I just don’t want them asking questions if you and I suddenly don’t like each other anymore, you know?” She puts a hand on his shoulder, her smile soft. “For your sake.”

“I get that, I do, I just…” Azarin shakes his head as he pulls more of Appa’s fur out of his hair. “I don’t want any animosity to build because they think we’ve been together, and then we tell them that we’re not.”

“Trust me, Azarin, they’re going to be more hung up on the fact that you _like_ Zuko more than the fact that we haven’t actually been together.”

“Who’s this Zuko person that everyone keeps talking about?” Toph asks this rather loudly, which makes Azarin’s heart skip a beat or two. She’s sitting in the shallow water with her feet buried under the rocks. “Sokka just brought up how you guys haven’t seen him in a while, and Azarin always talks about him in his sleep. You guys really seem to miss him.”

While that much is definitely true for Azarin, the rest of them burst into laughter...so much that Aang accidentally airbends himself deeper into the water a little. “None of us _miss_ Zuko, Toph.”

“Um, Azarin might,” Katara says, after she’s finished laughing. “They _were_ best friends, you guys.”

Sokka, from his place on top of the rock he’s been jumping off and into the water for the last half hour, waves his hand passively. “Azarin is the only one here allowed to miss Zuko. Anyone else is getting slapped, but I don’t even think Azarin actually does miss him. Wasn’t he a dick to you?”

Azarin shrugs and tries to mask his nervousness by leaning his chin on Katara’s shoulder. “He wasn’t _always_ a dick. Like Katara said, we were best friends.”

“This is all great, but... _who the heck is Zuko?!”_ Toph is getting frustrated, if the way the rocks around her rise a little says anything.

“Zuko is the son of Fire Lord Ozai and Crowned Prince of the Fire Nation. I grew up with him and his family after my mother died when I was nine.” Moving past Katara, Azarin sits in the shallow water next to Toph as he tells the story, albeit without all the details. “When Zuko was thirteen, his father burned his face and banished him from the Fire Nation until he can ‘capture the Avatar to restore his honor.’ Being his best friend, I went with him and accepted a banishment, as well.”

Toph’s eyes get wide, and Azarin finds it strange, considering she can’t see. “Did his father burn you, too?”

“No, my own father did that for me, more than once. But we aren’t getting into that.” Now is _definitely_ not the time to bring up his issues with his father. Azarin shakes his head, then continues. “So, when Katara and Sokka found Aang and woke him up, Zuko and I found him too, and we started chasing and tracking them so we could capture Aang. I was just going through the motions to help Zuko because he was my friend...I didn’t realize until later on that Zuko is _way_ too obsessed with his honor being restored. The more we chased Aang and the more we failed to capture him, the more Zuko started changing. He started turning into his father, and I wasn’t going to stick around to watch that happen. Zuko isn’t Ozai, and I hope he can realize that soon.”

“But, until he does, we can expect to see him again, trying to kill us.” Sokka adds this just before jumping off the rock he’s on, down into the water. The splash is loud and water gets everywhere, but they’re all already wet anyway.

Toph seems contemplative for a few moments until she turns to Azarin. The fact that she can tell where everyone is without being able to see is something that’s taking a while for him to get used to. “So, you not only changed sides in the war and made yourself an enemy of the Fire Nation...you made yourself a target for the prince and Fire Lord themselves. You could have just walked away and went into hiding instead of helping Aang.”

Azarin is honestly at a loss for words. For being a twelve year old kid, Toph is not only an incredible bender, but she’s smarter than she looks. “I...I guess, yeah. I did. But doing the right thing is more important than being an enemy of the Fire Nation.” He pauses, shrugging a little. “The reason I left Zuko wasn’t just because he was changing, but after finding out Aang is only a kid, Zuko still wants to deliver him to his father just so he can get his life back. He knows what Ozai will do to Aang and he just...doesn’t care. His honor is more important to him than Aang’s life, and I will never be okay with that.”

“You know, Azarin, you’re not bad for someone from the Fire Nation, especially someone who was raised around the Fire Lord.” Toph punches him in the arm and it honestly hurts, but Azarin tries to laugh to hide the pain.

“Hey Katara, did you hear that?” Sokka shouts to his sister, who had gotten out of the water while Azarin was talking. “Toph thinks your boyfriend is a keeper.”

“Well, she and I can finally agree on something,” Katara responds, to which Azarin looks behind him to find her smiling at him. He gives her a pointed look and she sticks her tongue out at him.

For the faintest of moments, Azarin sees a thirteen year old Zuko mocking him, not Katara.


	24. turn of events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> azarin confesses to the gaang.
> 
> chapter theme: burning - sam smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin makes the decision to tell the rest of the group while they set up camp for the night in a clearing. He’s anxious, almost enough to keep him from doing it, but he knows the longer he keeps this secret the more anxious and panicked he’ll be around everyone in the long run. Katara thinks it’s a good time as well because they’ve had a good day traveling, and even though everyone is tired, their good moods might make the blow a little less harsh.

While Azarin gathers wood for a fire, he tries to map out what to say in his mind. Nothing sounds good, but he thinks nothing ever will. Telling the people he’s traveling the world with that he’s in love with the guy that’s constantly trying to kill them isn’t exactly something he can word  _ elegantly. _ He’s just going to have to say it and hope they don’t hate him after, but he’s pretty confident after telling Katara had gone so well. She’s been supportive and caring and kind...Azarin really and truly thinks he admires her so much because she reminds him of what he remembers of his mother.

After returning with the wood he’s gathered, Azarin tries to light a fire for them, but can’t. Of  _ course _ his bending isn’t working; it’s probably because of how nervous he is. “Hey Aang, can I get the spark rocks please?”

“Is your bending not working again?” Aang asks, while he hands Azarin the rocks. Azarin lights the fire and nods, but doesn’t respond as he sits in front of it. Aang pats him on the back lightly. “I’m sorry, Azarin. Maybe we can do some more meditations together and that’ll help.”

Azarin goes to respond, but Katara sits down angrily next to him, huffing out an irritated breath. “Toph is really starting to get under my skin. I don’t  _ want _ to be upset with her, but she’s just so frustrating sometimes, you know?” She leans her head on Azarin’s shoulder and Aang, who’s across the fire from them, looks away. Azarin sighs.

“She’s certainly set in her ways, but just give her a chance, Katara,” he says, trying not to look at Aang. “She hasn’t been with us for long. Hell,  _ I _ haven’t been with you guys for long. I know I still do things that irritate you, or Aang, or Sokka.”

“Oh, for sure,” Sokka sits down next to Aang on the other side of the fire. “Like how you take half an hour to wash your hair alone, or when you start talking about Zuko in your sleep.”

“Hey, he can’t help what goes on in his dreams!” Katara snaps, sounding like a protective mother. Azarin smiles a little and pulls her back before she strangles her brother.

Sokka rolls his eyes. “Okay, but what about the hair thing, then? Hm?”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand proper hair care, Mr. Ponytail,” Azarin says this with a smile on his face, even though Sokka is clearly getting agitated. While boomerang boy goes off about how much he loves his hair, Katara nudges Azarin in the side with her elbow, making him look at her. She gestures her head a little in Sokka and Aang’s direction, causing Azarin to take in a deep breath. “Guys...Aang, Sokka, can you listen for a minute?”

Aang slaps Sokka in the chest to stop his ranting, then looks back to Azarin. “Go ahead, Azarin.”

Before he can start, Katara takes his hand in hers, squeezing it. He has to admit that it calms him a little, even if his heart is racing uncontrollably. “I need to tell you guys something, and it’s not good. Just...please let me get it out. Okay?”

“Is Katara pregnant?!” Sokka blurts out.

“Ew, no!” Both Katara and Azarin say this at the same time, which is amusing, but Azarin is entirely too anxious to smile at the moment.

Sokka rolls his eyes. “Well, you’re together, so that’s the first thing that came to mind.”

_ “Your _ mind, maybe,” Katara mutters under her breath. Azarin elbows her in the side.

“As I was saying,” he starts again, taking in another deep breath. “The thing is...Katara and I... _ aren’t _ together. We haven’t been this whole time.”

“Uh, Azarin, I hate to break it to you, but you’re  _ holding hands,” _ Aang points to where their hands are and Azarin sighs. This is not going to be easy.

“Just let him finish, guys!” Katara’s voice is raised and Azarin can feel the irritation pouring off of her, if he’s being honest. “You’re both being extremely rude.” Aang and Sokka don’t say anything else, probably scared that Katara will freeze their mouths shut if they do. Azarin knows he would be, too.

“The night Toph came with us, when Katara and I were talking in the trees...she kissed me. I know you both know that already, but you need to know the truth. I had to tell her the truth after she kissed me, and if you’ve noticed, ever since then we haven’t kissed again. We’ve been affectionate, but that was just because I needed some time to process some things before I told you guys the truth.” He pauses a moment to look at Katara, whose eyes are filled with encouragement. Azarin breathes in deeply, closing his eyes for a moment. “The truth is, I never had a crush on Katara. She liked me, but I didn’t like her. I don’t...I -- I don’t like girls like that.”

Aang and Sokka have their mouths hung open, looking between Azarin and Katara. Azarin thinks if this is what they’re shocked about, they’re in for one hell of a surprise.

“So...Katara was just...protecting you?” Aang is the first to speak, and Katara nods, smiling.

“That’s right. When Azarin told me, he was so upset about it because of his father,” she says, squeezing Azarin’s hand a little tighter. “His burn came from telling Zhao this same thing. Azarin doesn’t deserve to feel like he has to keep this secret anymore, especially now that his father is gone.”

Sokka blinks what seems like a few hundred times before he speaks. “You don’t like Katara...you don’t like girls. So...do you like  _ me?” _

“Uh...no? Not to my knowledge, no. I don’t.” Azarin knows he has the most awkward look on his face, but he can’t help it. “I mean, you’re hot and all, but way too goofy for me. Sorry, Sokka.”

_ “Goofy?!” _ Sokka seems hurt. “I’m not goofy…”

Aang nudges Sokka with his elbow. “Sokka, this kinda isn’t about you.” When Sokka nods, Aang looks back up at Azarin. “I think it’s great you’re telling us, Azarin! I’m glad you feel comfortable enough with us to--”

“That...isn’t all of it,” Azarin interrupts. Aang’s eyes get wide, but he doesn’t say any more and Azarin’s heart starts thumping rapidly again. He uses his free hand to push back the hair from his face, nervously. “I may not like Katara or Sokka, but I do like  _ someone. _ It’s...I-I…”

“Zuko,” Aang finishes for him, and Azarin wonders when the hell he’s going to be able to finish that sentence himself without someone else doing it for him. “It’s Zuko, isn’t it?”

Azarin can feel the tears roll down his face as he nods, but he can’t speak. The tightness and burning in his chest prevents the words in his brain from getting to his mouth. He wants to say something, but he just...can’t. Katara leans her head on his shoulder again, closing her other hand over his where they’re linked together. He’s so grateful for her, honestly. If it weren’t for Katara, he never would have even had the courage to do this.

“I...I’ve been in love with Zuko since we were kids,” Azarin’s voice is low, but luckily the night around them is quiet. He almost thinks he can hear his tears hitting Katara’s hand below him. “Even after everything he’s done. He still means so much to me, but I know I shouldn’t care about him anymore. I know he’s a terrible person and he makes all the wrong choices, but I just...I can’t help but love him. Maybe I’m just stupid enough to believe that he can change.”

“You’re not stupid, Azarin,” Katara reassures him with a smile. “It’s only been a few weeks, maybe a month. No one is expecting you to fall out of love with someone you’ve loved for eight years, in less than a month. It’s gonna take time.”

Azarin sighs, but Aang speaks before he can. “Does he know? Did he do all that bad stuff knowing you like him?”

“No, I’ve never been able to tell him. He would reject me, anyway, so what’s the point?” Wiping the tears from his eyes with his free hand, Azarin shakes his head. “You guys are the first people I’ve told since my father.”

“Does anyone else know?” Aang’s questions are so quick, Azarin can barely keep up.

“Iroh knows...Zuko’s mother knew. That’s about it,” Azarin stops for a moment as he realizes he’s left out something highly important. He sits up more, letting go of Katara’s hand. “Oh, I didn’t know this until a few months ago, but...Zuko’s mother and my mother were together. They were childhood friends and struggled with their love for each other their whole lives, which is why Zuko and I even exist. It’s long and complicated, but apparently the gene runs in the family…”

“Wait, Zuko’s mother?” Katara questions, sounding confused. “Wasn’t she married to the Fire Lord?”

“They had an arranged marriage, is what I’ve read about. I don’t think Zuko knows that, and I’ve always been afraid to ask him…” Azarin lets out a long sigh, then continues. “She grew to love Ozai, but after a while she went back to my mother because he became so awful that she couldn’t stand it. She kept all of it secret, they both did. Iroh is the only person who knows all of this.”

Aang, wide-eyed and leaning forward to listen, asks the next question. “So did you get sent to the palace by accident, or did your mother and Zuko’s mother plan it? Did your mother--”

“Manami,” Azarin corrects, smiling through his tears.

Aang nods. “Manami...did she know Zhao was going to kill her?”

“I really don’t know...I don’t think she knew exactly  _ when _ she was going to die, more that she knew Zhao would end up killing her eventually. So yeah, she made plans to have me sent to Zuko’s mother, should anything ‘suddenly’ happen to her, and it did.” When Azarin closes his eyes, he sees his mother in the waves below him, screaming for help. He shakes the images away quickly. “My father killed her because she didn’t want him around me...I think there’s much more to that, but I’m not sure what it is. Anyway, I ended up at the palace like they wanted, and being with Ursa and Zuko and even Azula was infinitely better than being with Zhao ever could have been.”

“It’s almost like you and Zuko were…” Aang trails off for a moment, with his eyes twinkling in the firelight.  _ “Meant _ to be together. You have to tell him, Azarin! Maybe he’ll realize how much he loves you and he’ll stop being a…”

“Royal pain in the ass?” Azarin finishes, and Aang nods weakly. Azarin actually laughs at how naive Aang is, because it’s the cutest thing he thinks he’s ever seen, even if it makes him sad. “That’s nice of you to say, Aang, but I don’t think so. Zuko has chosen his path, just like I’ve chosen mine. I have to get over him.” There’s a short silence between them all, and Azarin realizes that Sokka hasn’t said a word since Aang figured out that he likes Zuko. He’s suddenly extremely nervous again. “Sokka? You’ve been quiet this whole time.”

Sokka looks up at him and stands with his fists clenched. “You’ve lied to us this whole time, you lied to Katara and hurt my sister, making her think you like her when you liked  _ Zuko _ all along? And both of you,” he gestures to Katara and Aang, “you’re both just so accepting of this, but what if Zuko comes back and attacks us? If Azarin is  _ in love _ with him, he’s not going to do what he needs to do to fight him and help protect  _ us.” _

“Sokka, you’re being ridiculous! I  _ watched _ Azarin fight Zuko to protect me and Aang, he even fought his own father to protect the Moon and Ocean Spirits!” Katara stands, as well, but Azarin is glued to his seat on the ground. His tears are flowing again, because he messed something else up with his crush on Zuko. He wishes he could just forget Zuko because all being in love with him has done is bring him suffering.

“You’re the one that’s being ridiculous, Katara! He could be spying on us  _ for _ Zuko! Did you ever think of that?”

“Azarin  _ wouldn’t _ do that,” Katara’s voice holds a warning. “He has been here with  _ us, _ fighting the Fire Nation and helping us with literally everything that happens. He may have lied but he lied to protect himself, because his father  _ burned him _ when he told him this. He lied because Zuko blurted out that Azarin had a crush on me because Azarin was trying to confess his feelings and Zuko just assumed he was talking about me. There isn’t a single reason for you not to trust Azarin, he’s proven himself to us enough.”

“And look at how he’s reacting to talking about it, Sokka,” Aang chimes in, standing up, too. “This clearly makes him extremely emotional, why would he react this way if he were lying to us about why he’s here?”

Sokka shakes his head. “I don’t think he’s lying, I think he doesn’t know how he’ll react if he sees Zuko again, and we don’t, either. If he can betray the Fire Nation at the drop of a hat, who’s to say he can’t switch sides again when the boy he’s in love with shows up?”

“Sokka!” Katara exclaims, with her hands clenched into fists by her side. “That  _ isn’t _ going to happen! Azarin is on  _ our _ side, he clearly doesn’t like how much he loves Zuko, and you’re not making that any better for him!”

“Frankly, Katara, I don’t care how he feels. I don’t trust him, not anymore.” Sokka pulls out his knife, pointing it at Azarin even with Katara and Aang both protesting extremely loudly. “He can’t even firebend anymore, so when Aang learns earthbending, we’ll still have to find a teacher for him.”

Azarin is still sitting on the cold ground, frozen in place while tears pour from his eyes. He hates himself so much, he hates how much he ruins everything, and he absolutely  _ despises _ how useless he is without his bending. Azarin wants to die, because Sokka is right. He very well could hesitate to attack Zuko if he showed up again because of how he feels. They can’t trust Azarin, and he thinks they really shouldn’t.

“Sokka’s right,” Azarin says, standing up. “I’m not a spy for Zuko, but I could very well hesitate if he comes back around. I don’t know how I’m going to act because I haven’t seen him since the Northern Water Tribe. You guys can’t trust me to do the right thing, and I don’t have my bending, anyway. I’m useless.” He starts backing away, but Katara grabs his hand.

“Azarin, that’s not true and you know it.” Her eyes are pleading with him, even as he pulls his hand from her grip. “Please don’t let Sokka’s insane conspiracy brain get to you.”

“No, please let it get to you, and leave.” Sokka’s words hurt far worse than Azarin even wants to admit to himself.

“Sokka,  _ no!” _ Aang sends an air tunnel toward Sokka, forcing him to back up. “Azarin isn’t going anywhere, and you’re going to stop this right now.”

Ignoring Aang, Sokka rounds the Avatar and brandishes his knife, heading toward Azarin quickly. Katara knocks him out of the way with her bending water, because Azarin is just too shocked and out of it to react. At some point in the fight, Toph comes out of her earth-tent to ask what’s going on, but everyone else is so busy fighting off Sokka that they don’t explain. Azarin sighs.

“I’m leaving,” he says, wiping a tear away. “That’s what’s happening.”

“Don’t you have to teach Aang firebending?” Toph asks this like what’s going on currently isn’t even relevant. It takes Azarin by surprise, but he shrugs it off.

“I can’t firebend anymore. There’s no point in me being here.” He turns and makes his way up Appa to gather his things from the saddle. For some reason, he’s stopped crying, so he counts that as some form of a success for tonight.

While Katara, Aang, and Sokka are still fighting, Azarin slips away before anyone notices.


	25. azula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: without me - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episode eight: the chase
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Uh, guys?” Toph tries to get everyone’s attention, but it doesn’t work.

Katara, with Sokka’s hands frozen in ice, pushes her brother to the ground. “Do you know how much _more_ difficult leaving Zuko was for Azarin?! Do you even realize the pain he must have been in this whole time and he kept it _secret?_ Now you’re treating him just like his father!”

“And _you’re_ putting all of us in danger by trusting him,” Sokka responds, glaring up at Katara. “He said _himself_ that he doesn’t know how he’ll react if he sees Zuko again.”

“Did you ever think that he’s just scared? He’s been through a lot, Sokka, and it’s obvious that he thinks he’s bad even when he’s not.” Aang is pointing his staff at Sokka, but still the warrior shakes his head.

“I don’t think he’s bad, I think he’s confused. And if Zuko suddenly accepts him and manipulates Azarin’s feelings for him, Azarin will go with him without another thought.”

“YOU _DON’T_ KNOW THAT!” Katara shouts, throwing her hands out frantically.

Tired of watching this back and forth, Toph stomps the ground, causing it to ripple beneath all of them. Katara and Aang fall down next to Sokka, looking up at her. She blows her hair out of her face and glares in their direction. “You’re all too busy fighting that you haven’t noticed Azarin has _already left.”_

“What?!” Katara gets up immediately and looks around, then turns back to Sokka with tears in her eyes. “Great. Now he’s out there alone and it’s _your_ fault.”

Aang uses his bending to jump on a sleeping Appa’s head, patting him awake. “We have to look for him, let’s go.”

“I’m not going _anywhere,”_ Sokka says, a defiant look on his face even though his hands are still frozen together in ice. “He can get lost, for all I care.”

Katara has had enough. She unfreezes his hands but uses the water to pull him forward so he’s face to face with her. “You’re _going_ to come with us, and you’re going to apologize to him for being such an ass and making him feel useless.”

Sokka nods with his eyes wide, clearly frightened of his sister, but doesn’t say anything as Aang helps him up onto Appa. Katara starts to climb up into the saddle, but sees Toph is level with the ground, listening to it. When Toph looks up, she looks a little scared.

“I think we should pack up our camp, too. There’s something coming, and it’s _big.”_

Katara nods, then gets back down to gather everyone’s things. As she’s handing it all up to Aang, something falls from her pack and she leans down to pick it up; it’s Azarin’s Fire Nation hair tie. She feels the tears in her eyes finally fall, and when they’re in the air, she puts the hair tie into the bottom of her braid. 

“Did he leave that for you?” Aang asks, looking back at her from Appa’s neck.

Katara nods, wiping her tears away. “He must have. It fell out of my bag.”

Aang turns back around, holding Appa’s reins a little tighter. “We’ll find him.”

“Hopefully we can find him before _that_ thing finds _us,”_ Sokka points back to the large machine heading toward them that’s clearly from the Fire Nation. For once tonight, they think Sokka is actually right.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin walks for what feels like more miles than his feet can handle. He wants to stop and rest, but he knows his mind will keep him awake anyway, so there’s no point. He just keeps walking, and at one point he sees Appa fly overhead and wonders why they left their perfectly good campsite. They’re probably looking for him, but he tries to stay hidden. It’s fairly easy with how dark it is, and Azarin’s bending isn’t working so he can’t even light a fire to give himself some way to see. For once, his bending giving out on him is a good thing.

Deep down, Azarin had known he overstayed his welcome with them. They accepted him far too easily and something was bound to happen to make them not trust him again, especially with him keeping so many secrets. He did this to himself, and he deserves this low, empty feeling that’s slowly taking him over. He deserves to feel useless.

After another long while of walking, Azarin’s legs give out on him. He’s at the base of a large hill leading up to some rocky mountains, so he decides that this is a safe enough place to crash for the night. Maybe in the morning, he’ll find a town that he can settle into, but for now he just gets out his sleeping bag and rests his eyes.

“Azarin?”

Opening his eyes is difficult, because he feels like he only _just_ fell asleep, but Azarin gets them open and is completely bewildered at the person standing above him. “Zuko?”

Zuko attacks him with a fireball and Azarin narrowly avoids it by rolling over and getting to his feet. Even if he doesn’t have his bending, he knows he can take Zuko regardless; he knows Zuko too well. When the prince goes to attack again, Azarin grabs him by the wrist and shoves him forward, making sure he trips and falls by slipping his foot underneath Zuko’s own.

Zuko looks back up at him with clenched teeth. “I don’t have time to do this with you, I’m tracking Azula!”

“You don’t have time because you know you can’t beat me.” It’s only now that Azarin notices Zuko has...hair. He hasn’t had hair that isn’t in a ponytail in three years. Azarin’s heart beats a little faster for a moment, but he remains on guard even as he smirks a little. “Nice hair, joining the army?”

“Nice hair, betraying your friends lately?” Zuko gets up and grabs the reins of his ostrich horse. “You look like an anarchist earthbender.”

Azarin actually laughs at this. “And you think that’s an insult? Your father is a dictator.”

“Your father is dead,” Zuko says this with a grin on his lips that makes Azarin want to smack it off of him. “And so is your mother.”

This is absolutely what does it for Azarin. He spins and sends his foot directly into Zuko’s neck, causing the prince to double over and start coughing uncontrollably. “You’ll always be more arrogant than you are skilled, Zuko. Now why don’t you tell me why you’re tracking Azula?”

Coughing some more, Zuko looks up at Azarin with a glare. “She’s tracking your new best friend.” He pauses as the realization that Azarin isn’t with his ‘new friends’ probably hits him. “But why aren’t you with _them?”_

“Why aren’t you with Iroh?” Azarin counters, noticing that the old man isn’t around anywhere.

“He was holding me back,” Zuko says, finally gathering himself enough to stand straight again. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

Azarin rolls his eyes as he crosses his arms over his chest. Zuko is absolutely unbelievable and Azarin can’t believe he _actually_ questioned how he’d react if he saw him again. He ruined any chance he had at Sokka calming down and trusting him again...for this? “You just get worse and worse, don’t you? Abandoning your own uncle?”

Zuko kicks a stream of fire at Azarin, who ducks to avoid it. Zuko’s breath is heaving in his chest. “You’re one to talk about abandonment.”

“Please don’t act like you gave me a choice,” Azarin shakes his head, trying to stop the tears behind his eyes from falling. “I voiced my concerns to you, and you told me I wasn’t being a friend. You told me you’d hunt me like the Avatar for betraying you, when all I did was tell you that your plan would get you killed.”

“I _don’t_ have time for this!” Zuko shouts and Azarin laughs, because the fact that Zuko thinks he’s going to beat _Azula_ of all people is actually amusing.

“No, Zuko, you don’t have time for anyone but yourself.”

“Get _out_ of my way!” Zuko shoves Azarin to the ground with flaming hands, then jumps on the back of his ostrich horse to ride away.

Azarin follows him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Ursa, Ursa!” Azarin calls, trying to find her through his tears. When he does, he wraps his arms around her and sobs into her dress. “Zuko thinks I took his knife...I didn’t take it, but he found it in my things and I—”

“Slow down, Azarin, shh,” Ursa soothes, petting Azarin’s hair softly. “Zuko is upset with you?”

“I’m _mad_ at him!” Zuko’s voice comes from the doorway, and Azarin looks back to see him glaring. “I’ve been looking for the knife uncle Iroh gave to me for days, and I found it in Azarin’s room!”

“I told you I didn’t take it! I don’t know how it got there!” Azarin yells this back at Zuko, afraid that his friend is going to hate him if he truly thinks Azarin took his most prized possession.

“Boys! Let’s stop fighting with each other and calm down, please.” Ursa lets go of Azarin and moves to Zuko, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Azarin didn’t take your knife, Zuko. He wouldn’t be this upset if he did.”

“If he didn’t, then why was it in his room?!”

Ursa lets out a long sigh. “Because someone else put it there, to make the two of you fight with each other.”

Azarin blinks, looking up at Ursa questioningly. “Who would do that?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Azula,” Azarin says, under his breath, when he sees her in the distance. She and Aang are in an abandoned and destroyed town, talking to each other from a distance. Zuko had led Azarin right to them, just like he wanted.

Azarin watches Zuko burst out in front of Azula, putting him between her and Aang. He can’t hear what they’re saying, but soon he’s close enough to hear as he hides on the roof of a building.

“Back off, Azula,” Zuko says, hands outstretched toward both Azula and Aang, ready to attack. “He’s mine!”

Azula’s eyes narrow. “I’m not going _anywhere.”_

Smiling, Azarin jumps down from the top of the building he’s on, ending up beside Zuko. “Neither am I.”

“Azarin!” Aang exclaims, through his obvious tiredness. He has dark circles under his eyes and Azarin wonders if he and the rest of them got any sleep at all. “You came back!”

Azula laughs, and the sound makes Azarin wince. “You think he’s here for _you?_ How cute. Azarin clearly faked his loyalties to you in order to help his dear friend Zuko in capturing you.”

“Actually, Azula…” Azarin steps back, next to Aang, with his hands out and ready to attack. “He’s right.”

This seems to catch Azula off guard, but she barely shows it. In an instant, she’s knocked Zuko into a building with an attack, debris falling all over him. Azarin immediately starts to head toward Zuko, but he stops himself and turns to attack Azula; his bending works, and he smiles to himself.

Azula ignores him and goes to attack Aang, who was trying to fly away with his glider. He has to stop to avoid it burning into nothing, and Azula makes her way onto the roof of the buildings around them, jumping off and sliding Aang’s glider away from him for a moment with her feet on fire. Azarin kicks an attack toward her, but it’s blocked by Zuko, who is now up and continuously sending flames toward all three of them.

At some point in the fight, Aang outsmarts both Azula and Zuko with his airbending, and Azula knocks Zuko down hard. When Azarin goes to attack her, she sends a giant stream of fire at him that he barely avoids. It sends him on his back, too, and Azula makes sure neither of them can get into the building she has Aang in by setting the whole thing on fire. Azarin shouts in frustration.

Before he can try to get to Aang, Appa lands a short distance away and Katara immediately gets off and rushes to the building, using a water whip to bring Azula’s and down before she attacks Aang. She sets him free and then makes a break for it, which Azarin doesn’t blame her for. Azula isn’t anyone to be messed with, especially after someone has already successfully pissed her off.

When Azarin stands up, Sokka is there too, trying to attack Azula while she chases Katara. He sees Azarin and grins wide. “Azarin! I’m glad you’re here, I need to—” He barely avoids an attack from Azula. “—apologize!”

Azarin runs between them and shoves Azula down, avoiding a kick from her and sending a fireball toward her face. She does a backflip and gets to her feet, then turns her attention to Aang. Azarin looks back to Sokka. “Now _isn’t_ the best time, Sokka.”

Sokka’s smile fades. “You’re probably right…” Before Azarin can even laugh like he wants to, Azula’s fire comes between them and he counters the attack with one of his own.

Somehow, Iroh is there too, but Azarin knows being happy about that isn’t what he needs to do. They end up cornering Azula, all seven of them. She stares out at them. “Well, look at this...enemies and traitors all working together. I’m done.” Azula raises her hands, as if surrendering. “I know when I’m beaten. You got me...a princess surrenders with honor.”

Azarin does _not_ trust this. He looks over at everyone else to find Iroh doing the same thing. They meet eyes for a moment and Iroh starts to smile, but Azula shoots an attack directly at the old man and he gets flown back onto the ground. Azarin immediately attacks Azula, as well as the rest of them, but when the dust clears, she’s gone.

He turns to where Iroh lay on the ground. Both he and Zuko go to him, sitting on either side of him, and Azarin reaches for his hand. “I-Iroh…”

Zuko immediately slashes a stream of fire toward Azarin, making him back up immediately. “Don’t you _dare_ touch him!”

“Zuko…” Azarin shakes his head, tears falling down his cheeks. “Zu...Katara can heal him, like she healed me.”

“Get away from us!” Zuko shouts. Azarin feels Katara pulling him up to stand, but he tries to pull back. Zuko needs him— _“LEAVE!”_

When Zuko shoots fire back at all of them, they get the message, Azarin included.

While they’re flying away, Azarin can’t stop his tears from flowing. Katara wraps her arms around him. “I’m sorry, Azarin. I can’t believe she would do something like that.”

He shakes his head, lifting it so he can try to breathe through his crying. “The thing is, I can. And she isn’t going to stop.”

“So we’ll stop her before she does something like that to you...or to Zuko,” Sokka says this hesitantly, which makes everyone look at him. He sighs. “Just because he’s traveled the world chasing us and trying to kill us doesn’t mean he deserves to die...I guess.”

Azarin actually smiles. “You guess?”

Sokka rolls his eyes, but puts a hand on Azarin’s shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry for how I acted last night. It wasn’t fair of me to attack you when you had just let out a secret you’ve been keeping for years...Katara has made that _extremely_ clear.”

Smiling even wider, Azarin lets go of Katara and hugs Sokka instead, and when he pulls back, he presses a kiss to the side of his head. “Thanks, twerp. I’m sorry for leaving like that, too. I probably could have helped you guys avoid a fight with Azula.”

“You’re not the only one that left, Azarin,” Aang looks to Toph, who just stares out at nothing, Azarin guesses.

“Are you guys expecting me to apologize? ‘Cause that ain’t happening,” Toph says, and the rest of them laugh.

Once they find a decent enough spot to land, everyone falls asleep before even getting out of Appa’s saddle, or waiting for the sun to go down completely. Azarin, however, can’t sleep, because he can’t stop wondering what’s going to happen to Iroh. Zuko isn’t going to take care of him properly...he could die.

Suddenly, Azarin halfway wishes he had stayed with them, so things like this wouldn’t happen.


	26. spellbender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: angel on fire - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episode ten: the library
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)
> 
> buckle up pals, it's a long one......also I wanna take another moment to tell all of you how much I GREATLY appreciate you, all your comments, kudos, and even just the people who lurk to read. every last one of you mean so much to me and keep me inspired to write this story!

After Aang spends a grueling day learning earthbending with Toph, the five of them sit around a fire (not one that Azarin started, unfortunately) and talk about their plans for what’s next. They obviously need a plan if they’re going to have Aang defeat the Fire Lord, but Azarin knows what will happen if they just...show up and expect to fight. They’ll all be killed.

“Is there something we should know about the Fire Lord that most people _don’t_ know?” Sokka questions, blue eyes trained on Azarin. “Any weird routines? Habits he can’t break? Strange interests?”

Katara raises a brow to her brother. “Are you planning on interrupting the Fire Lord’s nightly routine and expect him to fall apart?”

“Hey, I’m just throwing out options.”

Azarin shakes his head, smiling as he throws pebbles into the fire. “The Fire Lord is just as much a mystery to me as he is to everyone else. I don’t even think if you asked Zuko the same question, he’d have answers for you.” He sighs as his smile fades and he looks up at Sokka from across the fire. “I really think he only had children to continue his bloodline. He had two expecting to have two sons like his father, but Azula wasn’t a disappointment so I guess it didn’t matter. I almost think...maybe he only let me stay in case Azula ended up letting him down. I’ve always been a great bender, and he would have been able to take credit for it.”

Sokka looks a little disappointed. “Great. No information to give, and no bending to teach Aang. Tell me why you’re here, again?”

“Sokka!” Katara exclaims immediately, hitting her brother in the arm. “Didn’t you _apologize_ to Azarin? Why are you back on this ‘Azarin is useless’ thing?!”

“I’m just frustrated! What good is having a firebender around if he can’t give us information on the Fire Nation and can’t even bend?” Sokka shrugs. He really needs to learn when to shut the fuck up, Azarin thinks. “I _like_ Azarin, but what is he bringing to the group other than friendship?”

“That’s _all_ he needs to bring to the group, Sokka! God, why are you _such_ an ass?!”

Azarin isn’t going to sit here and listen to the siblings fight, especially not over him...not again. He gets up and walks around some of the rock formations to the nearby trees, then sits down again and starts throwing rocks from the ground into the forest. He really and truly thinks Sokka needs to learn when to shut his mouth. Every single thought he has doesn’t have to be voiced, especially not if it’s going to hurt the person he’s talking about. Sokka just needs a damn filter, at least _sometimes._

“Hey,” Aang’s voice comes from behind him. Azarin doesn’t look, just continues to throw pebbles into the dark forest. “Don’t let Sokka get to you...I think he may be upset still that we didn’t all take his side when he had his doubts about you. We had a run-in with another guy your age who lied to us and tricked us into almost killing an entire village. I think he’s just still bitter that we didn’t listen to him when he tried to warn us about that guy.”

Azarin shrugs, handing a rock to Aang as he sits down next to him. “It really isn’t that. I get it honestly.” He pauses for a few moments and Aang is looking at him expectantly, eyes wide, and Azarin still can’t get over how much the kid reminds him of a little baby bird. “I just don’t know how I’m gonna teach you firebending when my bending has stopped working and I don’t even know why. I feel so horrible, Aang. I feel useless...I promised I’d be able to help you and I can’t deliver. In Sokka’s eyes, I’m just another Fire Nation liar. He has every right not to trust me, like I said before. You all do.”

“We’ve all seen you bend, Azarin. You’re _really_ good and I’d love it if you could teach me, but first we have to figure out how to get your bending back.” Aang pats Azarin on the back then throws some rocks into the trees. “Maybe it’s tied to Zuko somehow?”

Azarin shakes his head, hopelessness creeping into his every pore, it feels like. “I moved to the palace when I was nine, and I was bending way before that. It isn’t Zuko. I don’t know what it is, but I’m useless without my bending. I have no reason to be here with you guys...Sokka is right. I’m not contributing anything.”

“That’s not true. You don’t have anywhere else to go. You’re staying with us...you made the right decision and even left your best fr--” Aang pauses for a moment with a pebble between his fingers. “--the person you love, to do what’s right. You deserve to be here just as much as the rest of us.” The smile on Aang’s face is bright, and it makes Azarin smile too, even if it’s only a little. Aang laughs and hugs Azarin from the side. “See? We’re friends, Azarin. Besides, you’re a really good fighter even without bending. We need all the help we can get...Sokka hasn't exactly had _formal_ training.”

Azarin tries not to laugh; he’s pretty sure Sokka has been listening to their conversation somewhere in the darkness. “I think Sokka’s pretty decent.”

_“Decent?!_ I’m better than decent!” Sokka stomps out of the darkness, arms crossed over his chest. “Azarin thinks I’m decent, _what a compliment.”_ His voice is dripping in sarcasm, which makes Azarin roll his eyes.

“Considering I’ve had a _lot_ of formal firebending training, ‘decent’ actually _is_ a compliment, Sokka.” Azarin smiles at him. It seems like irritating Sokka is going to be his new hobby, since Sokka apparently now has a problem with him.

Sokka makes an irritated sound and points his finger at Azarin. “Seems like formal training was a waste of your time, seeing as _you can’t even bend_ anymore. You’re in the same boat as me, buddy. Welcome to the non-benders club!”

At this, Azarin jumps up and gets directly in Sokka’s face. He’s taller, so it’s easy to intimidate him. “Pull out that boomerang, Sokka. We’ll see how long it lasts in a fight with me.”

_“Okay,_ everybody, let’s calm down,” Aang drops in between the two, pushing them apart with airbending. “We don’t need to be fighting each other when we have much bigger problems.”

“Aang is right,” Azarin says, not taking his eyes off Sokka. “We have to figure out a plan to defeat the Fire Lord and if we’re fighting the entire time, we’ll never get anywhere. Can you stop hating me long enough for that, Sokka?”

“I don’t _hate_ you, Azarin.” Rolling his eyes dramatically, Sokka turns to begin walking away. He waves a hand dismissively. “But yeah, sure, whatever.”

Azarin is pretty sure that if he could bend, his hands would be on fire. He hates himself enough already, but Sokka not trusting him anymore is starting to really get under his skin. Masking it with humor is the only way Azarin can think to make it through without crying. He’s done enough crying lately, and he’s tired of it.

After a moment or two of staring out into the darkness in the trees, Azarin feels Katara’s fingers slip through his own and he’s really starting to draw comfort from her reassuring touches, now that he knows there’s no romantic motive behind them.

“Are you okay?” She asks, voice filled with concern. “I’m sorry Sokka’s such a jerk.”

Azarin shrugs. “Sokka is _right,_ Katara. I’m just not going to leave again because I don’t have anywhere to go, and I know now that I’m not going to endanger your lives if I see Zuko again.”

“Are you...are you over him? Already?” Katara sounds hopeful, but Azarin knows it won’t be _that_ easy. He shakes his head.

“No. But...I’m getting there. I’m sure he’ll make it more and more easy for me, the more we run into him and the more he shows me what a terrible person he is.”

Katara sighs and leans her head on Azarin’s arm. “I’m sorry he’s put you through so much. You don’t deserve it, not after everything you’ve done for him.”

“I try to think that, too, but…” Azarin lets out a sigh of his own. “I still feel like I’ve been too hard on him because of my feelings for him. Sometimes I think I hold resentment against him for not noticing how much I love him, and that it’s finally come out but in the wrong way.”

“That can’t be true...even _we_ know how bad Zuko is.”

“Yeah, but... _he_ doesn’t think he’s bad,” Azarin starts this without really knowing where he’s going with it, but he tries to put it together in a coherent way. “He’s just doing what his father told him to do. He’s just trying to go back home...we both were. He was raised to think the war is a good thing and that the Fire Nation is just trying to share its glory with the rest of the world. And when he tried to say something about how cruel they were being within the war, he was punished severely. Iroh once told me that Zuko now associates being compassionate with punishment because of what his father did to him, so he’s just...blocked out all compassion for people, sometimes even for those closest to him.”

Katara doesn’t respond for a while. Azarin assumes she’s not even listening to him, which is fine. He really does tend to ramble on when it comes to Zuko, or his past. It can’t be entertaining or interesting _all_ the time.

“I guess I just don’t understand how _you_ came out okay, but he didn’t.” Katara pulls Azarin down to the ground with her, and they sit, throwing rocks into the trees again.

“Iroh says because I had so long to detach myself from my father and realize what he did to me was wrong, that I matured a lot faster than Zuko. He hasn’t been able to detach himself from Ozai yet, because he’s on this journey _for_ Ozai. He’s trying to prove that he’s worthy of his father’s love.” Letting out a long sigh, Azarin looks to Katara and tries to seem as serious as possible to help her understand. “Until he can realize that he doesn’t need his father to approve of him for him to be a good person, he’s going to be this way...and I don’t see that happening any time soon. Zuko is extremely stubborn, and impatient. He wants his old life back.”

Shrugging, Katara wraps her arms around Azarin pretty tightly. “I don’t see how he can hurt you in that process, though. You’ve at the very least been his friend through all of this and he just...turned on you so quickly. I’m sorry he’s hurt you so much, I really am.”

Azarin smiles. He can’t help himself, because even if he’s upset about Sokka and Zuko and his bending, he still has people who care about him and support him. Katara is turning out to be the most incredible friend he’s ever known, and he’s only been around her for a short time. Zuko has never treated him with such understanding and care...that was always what Azarin would do for _him._ Even Aang, as young as he is, is someone Azarin knows he can lean on if he needs to.

He thinks he can get used to this being appreciated thing.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Sokka, I’m going to actually murder you for bringing us out into the middle of the desert to find a library that _doesn’t exist,”_ Azarin is more thirsty than he’s ever been as they fly over nothing but sand and heat. For some reason, he had thought that the Earth Kingdom was nothing but forests and mountains instead of vast deserts and plains, but he chalks that up to his selective Fire Nation education.

“If we can find this place, it’ll probably have information on why your bending isn’t working, Mr. Complaining,” Sokka gives him a frustrated look, now shirtless as he uses his telescope to look out into the desert. “Everyone is a winner, here.”

Hearing this, the professor that told them about the library looks at Azarin. “Your earthbending has stopped working? Fascinating!” He leans over and inspects Azarin closely, which makes him scoot over more toward Aang in the saddle.

“Firebending,” Azarin corrects, which makes Professor Zei widen his eyes for a moment.

“And how long has your bending not worked?”

“About a month?” He thinks about it for a moment. “Yeah...I mean it could have been longer, but a month ago is when I noticed it happening. It isn’t _all_ the time, but majority of the time.”

The professor takes his hand and inspects it for a moment, touching each of his fingers. Azarin is highly uncomfortable, but if this guy thinks it’ll help, he’ll agree to just about anything. “I’ve never been able to study a firebender up close before, do you mind trying to bend for me?” He looks back up at Azarin inquisitively.

Azarin blinks. “While you’re still touching my hand?” When Professor Zei nods, Azarin takes in a deep breath, wondering just how insane this man is. Exhaling his breath slowly, he tries to heat up his hand, but nothing happens. He drops his hand into his lap, defeated. “Like I said...it doesn’t work.”

Not discreetly at all, Zei leans back to Katara and lowers his voice. “Are you guys _entirely_ sure he’s a firebender?”

Katara glares at him. “Unless we’ve all had the same hallucination together at the same exact times, then yes. I’m positive he’s a firebender.”

“Hmm...interesting stuff,” the professor says, looking back to Azarin, who’s _definitely_ irritated with him now. “Well, if there’s any place in the whole world that could tell you why your bending has stopped working, it’s Wan Shi Tong’s library.”

Azarin leans his chin down on the edge of Appa’s saddle, looking out at the vast sand below. “I sure hope so.”

Shortly after this, Sokka spots a tower in the sand that ends up being the library, and after they leave Toph and Appa above ground, they all make their way inside. It’s far larger than Azarin had even begun to imagine, but he doesn’t have time to ogle; the spirit Wan Shi Tong himself greets them incredibly harshly as soon as they enter.

Sokka, always the stupidly brave one, walks up to the giant owl spirit. “Are you the spirit who brought this library to the physical world?”

“Indeed, I am Wan Shi Tong, he who knows ten thousand things.” The shiver that runs down Azarin’s spine when the bird speaks is awful, but he tries to mask it. “And you are obviously humans, which are no longer permitted in my study.”

Aang steps forward. “What do you have against humans?”

Wan Shi Tong leans down a little, causing Azarin to tense. He’s really never _ever_ liked birds. “Humans only bother learning things to get the edge on other humans,” he pauses, black eyes moving to Azarin. “Like that firebender who came a few years ago, looking to destroy his enemy.”

Azarin’s stomach drops into his feet and he wants to know how the _hell_ this giant owl knows he’s a firebender. Still, he bows at a complete ninety degree angle toward the spirit. “That was my father, and I apologize for his indiscretions. He did not succeed in his plans.”

“This is neither here nor there, young firebender. Who are _you_ trying to destroy?”

Sokka steps in front of Azarin, waving his hands around frantically. “What? Oh no, no...no destroying. We’re not into that.”

The owl narrows its eyes. “Then why have you come here?”

“Um…” Sokka’s voice cracks just a little. “Knowledge for knowledge’s sake?” This doesn’t sound convincing even to Azarin, but he stays put where he is, keeping his mouth shut.

“If you're going to lie to an all-knowing spirit being, you should at least put some effort into it.” At this, Azarin has to suppress a laugh, because Sokka is just _so terrible_ at lying, but apparently he thinks he’s a lot better at it than he actually is, because he continues to put them all in danger by doing it yet again.

“I’m not lying!” Sokka responds, which is in fact, a lie. “I’m here with the Avatar, and he’s the bridge between our worlds. He’ll vouch for me.”

Aang looks awkward as Sokka pushes him toward the spirit. “Uh, yeah, I'll vouch. We will not abuse the knowledge in your library, good spirit.” The Avatar bows to Wan Shi Tong, and they all follow suit.

The bird seems to ponder for a long moment and Azarin’s anxiousness doesn’t cease until the spirit agrees to allow them to look through the library, even if it’s with a condition. They have to contribute to said collection, and while everyone else is giving their additions easily (even Sokka with his simple knot), Azarin realizes he has nothing he wants to part with. Nothing that he wouldn’t miss, at least. The only thing he can think of is--

“And you, young firebender?” Wan Shi Tong addresses him directly, making his breath catch in his throat.

Azarin pulls his bag from behind him and searches through it, finding the book he’s looking for easily. He hesitates to take it out, but does so slowly as he gets down on one knee, offering the book up to the owl. “A book of Fire Nation lullabies and children’s stories, from the Royal Palace library.”

“A very nice addition to begin rebuilding my collection on the Fire Nation,” the spirit swipes it from Azarin’s hands quickly. “Fitting, since your father destroyed the previous one. Enjoy the library.” He flies down into the depths of the building, and they start looking around.

After a little while of flipping through books and scrolls, Katara sits down next to him, pulling the book he’s reading away. “Why did you have a book of children’s stories?”

Azarin snatches the book back from her, but closes it. “I took it from Ursa’s bedroom the day Ozai banished me and Zuko. She used to read me the stories when I would have nightmares after I first moved to the palace...I reread them sometimes when I miss her.”

“You really loved her like a mother, didn’t you?” Katara asks, and all Azarin does in response is nod. She leans against him. “Every day, I learn more about Zuko’s family and I feel...bad for him. I want to hate him but he’s been through so much and he sounds like he’s just lost.”

Azarin actually laughs a little at this, standing up. “Try being in love with him on top of it all.”

“Uh, I’d rather not,” Katara rolls her eyes a little, but smiles.

“Hey, Azarin,” Aang interjects, airbending himself to where Azarin is and looking up at him curiously. “What do you think Wan Shi Tong meant when he said Zhao destroyed the book you gave him? Why would he destroy a children’s book? And are you really sure it was your father that came here?”

“Woah, Aang, one question at a time,” Azarin pats Aang on the back, but shrugs. “I’m not sure why my father would destroy that book. Maybe it was significant to him or something...and yeah, I’m almost completely positive. When he told me about his plan to kill the Moon and Ocean Spirits, he showed me a scroll that explained what they are, where they are, where they came from, and what would happen if they ever perished. He would have only gotten something like that if he came here.”

Aang blinks repeatedly, but nods. “For once in my life, I’m kinda _glad_ someone is dead.” Before Azarin can say anything, Sokka is running down the aisle and the rest of them go after him, Aang in front. “Sokka, where are you going?”

Sokka has a parchment in his hand as he jogs through the corridors. “I want to know what happened to the Fire Nation on their darkest day. This could be promising,” he turns a corner and Azarin wonders how he even knows where he’s going. “The information on the Fire Nation should be right up here.”

When they reach their destination, there’s a large Fire Nation banner over the entryway that gives Azarin flashbacks of the palace, but he can’t get stuck in memories right now. With an entire wing dedicated to the Fire Nation, he can finally look for information on why is bending has--

“Zhao…” Aang’s voice says, and Azarin looks down from the Fire Nation banner to find every last bit of the bookcases, along with everything in them, completely destroyed and burned. Azarin is completely speechless, even when Aang turns to face him. “He didn’t just destroy that book. Wan Shi Tong meant Zhao destroyed _everything_ having to do with the Fire Nation.”

“That's so unfair! Just when I think I'm one step ahead of the Fire Nation, it turns out they beat us here a long time ago.” Sokka sounds completely defeated, but Azarin can barely hear him over the ringing in his ears.

He will never escape his father. Zhao keeps coming back, like a curse that Azarin can’t get rid of, or a ghost that will forever haunt him. Even after Azarin has _killed_ him, he will always be there, one step ahead, to make his life a living hell.

Azarin drops to his knees and begins punching the floor beneath him, filled with so much hatred and rage that he can’t control himself. Sokka and the professor pull him back and he looks up at Katara and Aang with tears in his eyes. “This was my only chance at finding out anything that could help me with my bending, and my father already destroyed it. I...I’m never going to escape him, am I? He’s always going to be there, waiting for me fuck something else up so he can laugh in my face and--”

“Azarin, _please_ try to calm down…” Katara soothes. She’s on the floor in front of him, trying to hold his face up because he just can’t do this anymore. He can’t do it. “Your father is _dead,_ Azarin. He’s never coming back. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

His arms fall back to his sides and he sees Aang kneel down, too. “We’ll figure out what happened to your bending, Azarin. There has to be _something_ in this library that can tell us about it.”

“Perhaps…” Professor Zei chimes in, sounding contemplative. “Perhaps it has nothing to do with _fire_ bending, and everything to do with bending, itself. Yes, I can’t believe I didn’t see this before!”

Azarin wipes a few tears away as Katara and Aang help him up, then looks at the professor. “What do you mean?”

Zei begins pacing in front of them. “I’ve read about earthbenders with this same problem, it’s why I assumed you were an earthbender before. This is not something that has to do with firebending at all...it’s a universal issue, it seems.”

“Yeah! Even for Avatars!” Aang’s face lights up. “Remember the other day when I was having trouble earthbending? I couldn’t do it at all because of a mental block. There’s bound to be some books in here about overcoming bending problems!”

Azarin actually smiles and wraps his arms around both Aang and Katara for a few moments, but just as he goes to say something, he notices one of the fox assistants of the library watching them from the doorway. He lets them go and points to it. “Uh...guys?”

Sokka steps forward and waves at the creature. “Hello, little weird fox guy.” The animal seems to nod at him, then turns to point its snout in a direction down the hall.

“Seems it’s trying to assist you,” Professor Zei says curiously.

“Um...sure,” Sokka says, staring at the fox. “I guess I’ll follow you.”

Katara pulls on Azarin’s shirt, making him face her. She smiles warmly. “We’ll follow the fox, you go do research. We’ll meet back up here, okay?”

Nodding, Azarin watches them go, then takes one last look at the destruction behind him before heading back out into the library to do some reading.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin has lost count of just how many books on bending he’s poured through, but his eyes are starting to hurt from the amount of reading he’s done. Despite all his research, the only things he’s been able to come up with are emotional and mental blocks that prevent his chi from flowing, but this doesn’t feel like that kind of problem. People apparently reported still being able to bend with chi blocks, just able to bend less than they could before.

He’s about to give up completely, but something catches his eye in the waterbending book he’s reading.

_Chapter Thirty-Three: A Guide To Magic Benders_

His heart starts beating hard and fast as he recalls the dream he had with his mother in the spiritual oasis, where he saw his name, “magic,” and “firebending” on the letter he found in Ursa’s bedroom. He’s starting to think that wasn’t a dream at all. Azarin reads the chapter very carefully.

_People born with the ability to bend the elements are not the only benders to exist. Although they are few and far between, spellbenders have existed for as long as bending itself has existed. Spellbenders are benders not born, but made. Practitioners of magic (more commonly known as witches) use their gifts to spell a person born without bending into becoming a bender of the element of their choice._

_Once spelled, the non-bender will be able to bend their element just like any other bender, but nature must always have a balance of give and take. If a person born without the ability to bend chooses to spell themselves to bend, they are only able to use their abilities in the vicinity of born benders from their element. It is unclear how close the spellbender must be to a born bender to draw from their power, but if they are too far away from a bender of their element, they_ **_lose their ability to bend entirely_ ** _._

_Children of spellbenders, because they have the magic of their parents within their blood, will also be spellbenders of the parent’s element. The magic seems to run out on the third generation, if the spellbender has a child with a non-bender. However,_ **_if a spellbender has a child with a witch_ ** _, it is very likely that the child will be a spellbender, thus continuing the magical bloodline._

_It is unclear how many spellbenders are currently in the world, as they tend to remain secret for their own protection. Born benders have been known to view spellbenders as “leeches” that draw off of their power to fuel their own, therefore spellbenders hide in plain sight to avoid being persecuted. Spellbenders have been known to lie about their lineage to gain power or status, surrounding themselves with born benders and thus rendering them undetectable. Some are even reported_ **_forcing witches to spell them_ ** _or bear them children to continue their magical bloodline._

Azarin can’t read anymore. He feels dizzy, and sick, and he thinks he may pass out. There’s so many things wrong with this that he can’t even begin to touch on it, especially because so much of his life, so many of his memories are falling into place and making more sense than they ever have. His father never caring about his mother and only wanting to gain more power, his mother’s “medicines” that would always make him feel better instantly whenever he was sick, his father never being anywhere that other firebenders weren’t around…

His own bending not working unless he’s near other firebenders.

Azarin’s mother never wanted him to bend at home, she always said there was a time and place for it, but he could bend while he was at school. When he moved to the palace, there wasn’t a single moment where he wasn’t around a firebender. When he left the palace, there was not only Zuko and Iroh, but firebending guards around constantly. Even when his father had burned him at a dinner between just the two of them, the servants that guarded the door could firebend. And now, whenever he’s around Zuko or Azula or anyone from the Fire Nation, his bending works. He feels so stupid for not noticing it before.

Azarin isn’t a real firebender; he’s the son of a spellbender and a witch.


	27. the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a momentary relief from the ball of angst that is azarin
> 
> chapter theme: lover dearest - marianas trench

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of rape, physical abuse of a pregnant woman, mentions of suicide
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Keeping her hood up, Manami enters the pub quietly, wishing she wasn’t so desperate for money that she’s giving out her magic abilities to people she doesn’t know. The man she’s looking for is sitting at a table in the corner of the room. She sits across from him.

“I assume you’re the witch?” His voice sounds like a serpent wrapping around her ears. Something in her mind is screaming at her not to do this, but she can’t help it. She is extremely desperate, so she ignores it.

“Yes,” Manami responds, and pulls her hood down. She has to admit, he’s a little handsome, if she were into men. “And you’re the man that wants to move up in the military.”

“But I can’t, because I can’t firebend,” he leans toward her, his eyes sharp and boring into her. “And you’re here to fix that.”

Manami tries to smile, praying this man is compassionate. Something tells her that he isn’t. “For a price...one that I hope you have.”

Grinning, the man pulls a bag of money from the chair next to him, dropping it on the table in front of her. “This is half. You get the rest — and more — if you’re successful.”

Manami wants to be angry, but she knows no one would ever trust that a witch even exists, and definitely not that they can turn a non-bender into a bender. She has had to hide from people most of her life, people that want to use her for her magic. She hopes she can use this money to run away with Ursa, considering the woman she loves is about to be forced to marry a man.

Manami smiles, taking the money and putting it away beneath her robes. “And your name was?”

“Zhao,” he says, extending his hand for her to shake. She takes it and grips strongly.

“Manami. I look forward to working with you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Manami isn’t sure if she’s being followed, but part of her doesn’t care. She needs to get to Ursa as quickly as possible, or she thinks she might quite literally drop to the ground and stay there, sobbing. She can barely recognize where she is and she thinks everyone around her knows what just happened to her, that she’s tainted and disgusting and dirty. She wants to run, but it would look too suspicious and Zhao would find her.

Ursa being the granddaughter of Avatar Roku definitely has its perks, but at the moment, Manami truly wishes she could just be completely alone with Ursa instead of having to be escorted into her love’s home by guards. She wonders how difficult seeing each other will be when Ursa finally marries Prince Ozai.

“Manami?” Ursa’s voice is like flowers brushing across her skin. “Why are you here so late? Is everything alright, my love?” Manami can’t speak. She stares at Ursa as the woman moves closer to her, realizing that something is wrong and dismissing the guards from the bedroom. When she closes and locks the door behind them, she turns back to Manami. “What did he do this time?”

Manami drops to the floor, finally able to let her tears escape and stream down her cheeks. Ursa joins her, gentle hands pushing back her hair and eyes pleading with her. Manami tries to put her pain into words. “He came to me again a few days ago, demanding I spell him so his bending works when he isn’t around firebenders. I told him I can’t, that that’s not how it works, and he needs to leave me alone because I’ve done all I can do for him. Tonight…”

When Manami trails off and cries harder, Ursa pulls her into her arms, kissing her head. “It’s alright. Take your time...I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

Manami disagrees with that statement, but now isn’t the time to get into it. She calms herself the best she can before speaking again. “Tonight, he came and told me I need to marry him so I can bear his children and he can continue his future legacy, while also being around to grant him magical advantages whenever he needs them. I obviously refused, I told him he’s insane and he needs to stay away from me before I made him regret ever coming to me in the first place.”

“I’m sure Zhao handled that  _ very _ well,” Ursa cuts in, shaking her head. “What did he do?” Manami does nothing but stare at Ursa, because she can’t say it. She absolutely can’t. She still can’t even believe it happened. She’s disgusted and repulsed by herself, and him. “Manami... _ what did he do?” _

The look in Ursa’s eyes is painful and worried and Manami can’t stand seeing it. She doesn’t want to cause the woman she loves any more pain than she already has, she doesn’t want Ursa to have to worry about her anymore, not when Ursa is so close to having the family she’s always wanted. The family Manami can never provide her.

“You  _ know, _ Ursa,” she whispers, looking away for a moment. “You know what he did. How else could he ensure that I’m forced to marry him?”

Ursa begins crying, and Manami stays the entire night.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You’re telling me you  _ haven’t _ been making the potions I requested?”

Manami narrows her eyes. “Demanded. I don’t think you have ever  _ requested _ anything from me.”

“You’re missing the point, woman,” Zhao seethes, to which Manami stands from her chair, hands on her protruding belly.

“I am _pregnant,_ Zhao. The only potions I’m making are ones to cure my own nausea, because _your_ _child_ seems to be just as demanding as you are.” She moves to the small closet in the corner of the room, pulling out a chest and rummaging through it. When she finds the vial she’s looking for, she hands it to Zhao and waves toward him dismissively. “Here’s one, now get out of my house.”

In an instant, Zhao has Manami against the wall with a hand around her throat, slowly squeezing tighter. “I told you to make me five or  _ more. _ One is not going to suffice, Manami. I’m going to sea and I need to be performing at the best of my ability.”

When he lets go, Manami chokes and coughs for air, glaring up at Zhao. “Then perform at the best of your ability, Zhao. You shouldn’t need my help for that, if you’re confident in yourself.”

“I’m going to  _ have _ to, because you’ve fucked me over once again,” Zhao says this as he steps around her, placing the vial of liquid in his pocket. “I hope you learn to take me seriously, Manami. You are not going to be rid of me, not for a very long time. Even if I die at war, my child will be here to drain you of everything you have until they no longer need you.”

With that, Zhao exits the house, and Manami wonders how Ursa’s final meeting at the Royal Palace is going. Hopefully it’s better than this.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The moment Manami sees her child, she knows he doesn’t belong to Zhao.

She regrets all the nights she spent sobbing and wishing she could bring herself to kill herself, or her baby. She knows immediately upon looking into his eyes that all her suffering, all her pain, and all her strife was meant to lead her here — to her son.

To Azarin.

“I love you so much, my sweet baby boy,” she says, smiling through her tears as she holds Azarin close. “Zhao will never have you. You’ll always be here, with me and me alone. I promise.”

Azarin’s eyes twinkle in the low light like he understands her, and Manami has to gather all her courage to hand him off to her midwife so he can be cleaned and examined. She’s exhausted and tired and emotional, but Azarin is worth it. She has so many plans for him to make him happy and feel loved, and none of them include Zhao.

Later that night, she’s woken up by urgent knocks on her front door and Manami is fully prepared to have a fight with Zhao, even in her weak state, but it isn’t Zhao. It’s Ursa.

“I came as soon as I could,” she says, gently wrapping her arms around Manami’s neck, careful not to be too rough. Manami is grateful for it, but Ursa is always gentle. They share a short and soft kiss. “Where’s the baby?”

Manami smiles, which she knows is the last thing Ursa expects her to do when it comes to Zhao’s child. She leads Ursa into the bedroom and gestures to the bassinet next to her bed. “He’s beautiful, Ursa. He—”

“A boy?” Ursa seems panicked, shaking her head before she even looks at the baby. She turns back to Manami, taking her shoulders in her hands. “We can send him somewhere where he can be loved and treated properly, somewhere that Zhao will never find him. We can send him to the Earth Kingdom and he’ll never even know that he has the ability to bend fire. Manami, we  _ have _ to save this child from Zhao.”

Still smiling, Manami pulls Ursa to her and kisses her deeply. She’s sure Ursa is confused, but the woman would never dare end a kiss with Manami. They’ve both always agreed that every kiss could be their last, so they cherish each one.

When Manami pulls away, she leans her head against Ursa’s, heart beating hard as she grips her love’s hands. “I don’t want to send him away anymore, Ursa. He belongs here, with me. I can love him and treat him properly, and protect him from Zhao. You and I both can.”

At this, Ursa lets go of Manami’s hands, shaking her head and letting out a sigh. “Not this again, Manami. I understand you’re emotional right now, but I’m getting married in three months. I cannot run off with you to raise this child. Fire Lord Azulon, Prince Ozai, and even Zhao would hunt us both to the ends of the earth, and you know they would.” Although Ursa sounds sad, Manami can’t help the frustration that builds in her. Ursa doesn’t seem like she even wants to be with her anymore, not after the prospect of a family of her own was placed into her lap.

“Why do you still insist on saying you’re  _ getting _ married?” Manami’s voice is hurt, and angry. She steps back from Ursa. “You’re being  _ forced _ into an arranged marriage just so Fire Lord Azulon can test his theory on combining royal bloodlines with an Avatar bloodline producing powerful benders. You’re being  _ bred, _ Ursa. Why can’t you see that?”

“You think I don’t know that?” Ursa snaps, albeit quietly because of the sleeping baby in the room. “I  _ know _ what’s happening to me, Manami. But I’m trying to make the best of the situation that I’m being forced into, and I don’t need the person I love to be constantly tearing down all the acceptance I’ve had to do over the last year. I’m finally  _ okay _ with what’s happening, because I know I can raise a child the right way, even if they came from a terrible situation.”

Manami wants to pull her hair out. Ursa can be so  _ dense _ sometimes. “That is  _ exactly _ what I’m trying to do with Azarin! I just want to do it  _ with _ you instead of alone, but I guess that’s just not an option for you. Not when you’re so close to having the family you’ve always wanted, that your relationship with me has hindered you from having.”

Ursa looks hurt, probably more than Manami has ever seen her be hurt before. “Keep your child here and watch him be destroyed by Zhao. I’m done trying to help you, Manami. I love you, but I’m done.” She starts to walk out of the room and makes it to the front door, but Manami steps into the hall and calls for her, just as Azarin begins to cry from being woken up.

“You don’t want to see him, then?” Manami hopes and prays that when Ursa sees him and holds him, she will change her mind. Azarin can make her change her mind.

Ursa doesn’t respond. She looks at Manami with tears in her eyes, then leaves.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Azarin, honey, please stay in bed,” Manami soothes, gesturing toward her son’s bedroom. “I’m getting your medicine right now.”

As stubborn as ever, Azarin coughs and sniffs his way to his mother. “I don’t wanna be in there alone…”

Smiling, Manami turns from the chest in front of her, closing it quickly and picking up the eight year old Azarin. “I’ll be right in, don’t worry. Get under your blanket and get warm while I make your medicine.”

Even though he protests still, Azarin goes back into his room and shuts the door. Manami smiles after him then returns to her potions chest, picking out ingredients for a hot soup that will cure Azarin’s sickness just as quickly as it had come. When it’s finished, she brings it to Azarin and he eats it eagerly. He starts looking better almost immediately, which relieves his mother greatly.

“Mama, you always make the best medicine!” Azarin exclaims, smiling brightly. “I feel better already, can we go to the circus like you said before I got sick?!”

Manami smiles and takes the empty bowl from her son, pulling him into an embrace and letting out a sigh. “Not today, Azarin. You still need some rest.”

“But—”

“No buts, Azarin. Go back to sleep,” Manami leans down and presses a soft kiss to Azarin’s head just as a knock comes from the front door. Just as she thought, her dream the night before predicted the events of today. She isn’t nearly as ready as she thinks she is. “Stay in bed, Azarin. I have to answer the door.”

Azarin nods, even if he looks upset that he has to stay in bed. Manami shuts his door and moves a chair in front of it, so he can’t get out if he tries. She opens the door, not surprised at all to find she was right. She steps outside and shuts the door, bowing respectfully to General Iroh.

“It is nice to see you, Manami. May I come inside? I can make some tea.”

She shakes her head. “Azarin is sick, he’s trying to sleep.”

“Ah,” Iroh says, nodding. “Well, I hope he feels better soon.”

There’s a short silence between them, until Manami sits on the steps leading to the door. “I assume you have a letter from Ursa?”

Iroh pulls a scroll from his pocket, handing it to her as he sits next to her. “It will be the last for a while, I’m afraid. I am going to the warfront to join my son.”

“What?” Manami looks up at him, trying not to cry. “What will happen if you don’t make it back?”

“My brother will become Fire Lord after our father passes,” Iroh says, with a sigh. “But hopefully, that won’t be an issue. I plan to come back completely unscathed, and with tea from all around the world to share with my family.”

Manami leans on Iroh, finally letting her tears fall. “I’ll miss you. You’re the only part of Ozai’s family I can tolerate.”

He laughs, placing a hand on Manami’s knee. “Considering you haven’t met anyone else in my family, I don’t think that’s an accurate observation.” Iroh pauses for a moment, then stands to face her. “Read your letter. I believe Ursa included a gift for Azarin, one that Zuko shares as well.”

Manami rolls her eyes, but clutches the scroll still. “I don’t know why she continues to act like Zuko and Azarin are brothers when she chooses to keep them apart. Azarin would love to have a brother...he would love to have a friend around that isn’t  _ me.” _

“I do not pretend to know what goes on in a woman’s mind when it comes to her children. I just know Ursa loves you, and she loves her children. She considers Azarin family. She always has.” He smiles, then bows to Manami. “I hope to see you again one day, Manami, and finally meet Azarin.”

Manami jumps up and wraps her arms around Iroh, letting her tears fall and soak the robes on his shoulder. “Please don’t die, Iroh. Lu Ten needs you.”

“Precisely why I am going to join him,” Iroh responds, squeezing Manami tightly.

When they separate, Iroh leaves, and Manami heads inside as she begins to read Ursa’s letter.

  
  
  


_ My dear Manami, _

_ I hope Azarin is doing well. I think about him every day, I think about him with Zuko and Azula, how they would be great friends if they were able to see each other. I know you must hate me for keeping them apart, but it just isn’t the right time. We need a better plan on what to tell the Fire Lord, and Prince Ozai. A childhood friend isn’t good enough, and I’m sorry if my choices hurt you, or hurt Azarin. That is never my intention. _

_ By now you must know that Iroh is heading to war. Until he comes back, or I can find a trustworthy informant, this will be my last letter for a while, my love. I can come see you so long as it’s at night, and our children are asleep. If I can get word that Zhao is out at sea, I will come. I promise you that, my dear. _

_ Every day I regret not meeting Azarin when he was born. I hope you know just how much I regret it...I regret that night and every fight we’ve had since. I love you so much, and I wish I would have never gone through with this marriage. Ozai is not the man I met while you were pregnant. He is not the man I married. He becomes more cruel and thirsts for power more each day. The amount of regret and guilt I feel for leaving you alone...Manami, it consumes me. You don’t deserve to be alone while I get everything I wanted. I suppose Ozai becoming cruel is my punishment. _

_ I miss you. I hate that we can’t see each other as often as we used to. Especially now that Iroh will be gone, it will be more difficult to know when it’s safe for me to come, but as I said, I will try my hardest. I love you so much, Manami. We will leave this place and run away with our children someday. We just need a plan. _

_ I love you more than you will ever know. _

_ Your lifelong love, _

_ Ursa _

  
  
  


Manami’s tears smear the ink on the parchment. She checks the roll for a hidden compartment and pulls it open; a necklace falls into her lap and she picks it up. It’s made of the finest silver, and the pendant is in the shape of a phoenix. Manami knows it’s wrong, she knows she should give it to Azarin like Ursa wants, but...this is the last thing she’s going to receive from Ursa for a long time. She clasps it around her neck and clutches it, letting her tears fall and the ink from the scroll run onto the floor.


	28. cactus juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: better - khalid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episodes ten and eleven: the library / the desert 
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin doesn’t have time to cry or have a freakout about his discovery; the entire library begins vibrating and moving and he has to find the others. He tears the pages of the book relevant to him out of the binding, shoves them into his bag, then starts running.

He calls for all of them into the aisles, but gets no response until he runs directly into Katara and Momo, who are being chased by Wan Shi Tong. “What’s happening? Where’s Sokka and Aang?”

Katara jumps to her feet and pulls Azarin with her as they start running again. “No time to explain, we gotta get out of here!” Azarin runs faster, because that giant owl spirit fucking terrifies him half to death, and it doesn’t help that it’s now  _ chasing after him. _

When they finally meet up with Aang and Sokka again, they make their escape on Aang’s glider, leaving Professor Zei behind by his own request. Azarin is honestly glad, because that dude was almost certifiably crazy. He guesses Ba Sing Se University will have to do without an anthropology professor for the foreseeable future.

Back out in the heat of the desert, Sokka and Katara embrace as Sokka talks about a solar eclipse coming, where they can easily take down the Fire Lord because he won’t have any bending. It clicks with him that he’s been through a solar eclipse within the Fire Nation, so hopefully he can be of use when the time comes for them to make a plan of action. Right now, though, the knowledge he’s just learned about himself, his father, and his mother is weighing down on him so much that he can’t even stand anymore. He drops into the sand, trying to grip it for support, but it only slides through his fingers.

“Azarin? What’s wrong?” Katara’s hand rests on his shoulder, but he doesn’t get a chance to respond. At this point, Aang realizes that Appa isn’t there, and so does Azarin. They’re stuck in the desert with no way out, and Aang is too upset about Appa being stolen by sandbenders to realize that they shouldn’t separate. He flies off to look for Appa.

“You think if we dig up the giant owl, he’ll give us a ride?” Sokka seems to think something is amusing about this situation. Azarin picks up a handful of sand as they’re walking and throws it at him. “Hey! Sorry for trying to lighten the mood, Mr. Broody.”

Azarin doesn’t say anything in response. They walk in silence for a long while, and Azarin stays in back to keep an eye on Toph, considering she said she can’t see well in the sand. She’s wandered in the wrong direction several times now, and he’s had to pull her back to the group, much to her own embarrassment.

The fourth time it happens, Toph’s cheeks flush with color, but not from the heat. “I’m sorry you have to babysit me, fire feet. If I could see—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Azarin smiles, but realizes she can’t see it. He clears his throat. “You can usually see better than any of us, but right now you can’t. I don’t mind helping.”

Toph moves to his side, gripping his arm as they walk up a large sand dune. “Hey, did you find out anything about your bending?”

Azarin feels like the sun drops from the sky and into the giant pit inside his stomach. His problems aren’t important right now; they need to find Aang, find Appa, and get out of the desert. “Uh...yeah. But it isn’t important right now. We can deal with it later.”

_ “What?!” _ Katara stops and turns around quickly, walking up to Azarin and poking a finger into his chest as she speaks. “We’ve been out of that place for what feels like hours, and you haven’t mentioned that you  _ found something?” _

Azarin blinks, pulling Toph in front of him. Human shield. “Uh, Katara...look around. We’re stuck in the desert without Appa, and Aang ran off. Right now isn’t exactly the best time to discuss why my bending stopped working.” He expects Katara to use her bending to chop off his hair, because she seems  _ so angry _ that he didn’t tell her what he found out, but she just sighs, and nods.

“I’m sorry...I guess the heat is getting to me.” She wipes sweat from her forehead. “You don’t have to talk about it right now if it’s too much.”

“It’s not that it’s too much, I just don’t want to make this situation about me, you know?” Azarin is always afraid that his issues are taking center stage over everyone else’s, because they just keep popping up at the worst times.

Katara, however, shakes her head, rolling her eyes before moving back to the front of the group. “Azarin, you went into the library to find this out. You’re not taking any attention away from the current situation, you’re updating us on what you found.”

“Yeah, if I’m being honest, I’m kinda curious,” Sokka chimes in, shrugging.

Azarin sighs, walking alongside Toph and placing his hand over hers on his own arm. He doesn’t even know where to begin. “I found it in a waterbending history book. There are apparently people who are born without the ability to bend an element, but they get help from a witch who spells them into being able to bend any element they want. They can only bend one, though, I think.”

“Did you have a witch spell you?!” Sokka is quick to ask, but Azarin shakes his head.

“No. Zhao did. Are you surprised at all that my father wasn’t born a bender, but forced someone to make him one?” No one responds to this, and Azarin actually chuckles a little to himself, trying to keep himself calm. “I have no doubt in my mind that my father made himself a bender so he could gain power. It just makes so much sense, especially knowing he killed my mother. She was the witch that did it. I just...I  _ know _ she was.”

“So…” Katara starts. She sounds hesitant. “Zhao was a fraud? This whole time, he was never a real firebender? He used magic to help him gain his power...he  _ used _ your mother?”

Nodding, Azarin takes in a deep breath. “Yeah. And because he had a child with a witch after he was spelled, I can bend, too.”

“But wait, this doesn’t explain why your bending isn’t working,” Sokka turns to Azarin and tries to walk backwards through the sand so he can look at him, but ends up tripping and falling. “I  _ hate _ sand.”

Azarin lets go of Toph and reaches into his bag for the torn out pages. He hands them to Sokka, then helps him to his feet. “I took the pages that explain it. If I’m not near a natural-born firebender, I can’t bend, because the spell doesn’t  _ actually _ make you a bender...it makes it to where you draw from other people’s bending power.”

Katara moves to walk next to Sokka so she can read, too. When they’re done, they both stare at him, Sokka handing him back the pages. “You’re a spellbender...that sounds so cool!”

“This explains why your bending seems to work when we’re in danger the most, because majority of the time we’re in danger from the Fire Nation!” Katara’s voice is excited as she puts the pieces together. Azarin wishes he would have been this ecstatic to find out this information. “And when we were in the tunnels, the Fire Nation soldiers were on the rocks above us the entire time!”

“And in Omashu, we were around the Fire Nation the entire time because they had taken over the city...when we fought Azula, she, Zuko,  _ and _ Iroh were around.” Sokka takes his own chin between his fingers, looking like he’s thinking extremely hard. “And when we were in the swamp —  _ not _ around any firebenders — was when you told us about your bending not working, then when we left and were attacked by the Rough Rhinos, it worked again. This makes so much sense!”

Azarin doesn’t respond for a few moments, which makes the rest of them stop walking again. Katara faces him, eyes concerned. “Azarin, what’s wrong? You figured out what happened to your bending and now we can work around it so you can teach Aang…”

He stares at her, feeling sweat drip from his head. He pushes his hair back, then clenches his fists by his side. “I didn’t expect to learn that I’m not a real firebender. It’s just...it’s a lot to process, especially when I still haven’t even had time to process my father’s death, or my feelings for Zuko.” He pauses for a moment, looking away from Katara. “Part of me is relieved to finally know, while the other is angry that my mother, Ursa, Iroh and even Zhao kept this from me. Not to mention that my mere existence was probably just a way for Zhao to have more power over my mother...and she kept me. She kept the child of the man that abused her and used her.”

As Katara walks toward him, Toph lets go of his arm. Katara embraces him, but only for a brief moment, because the heat around them is far too much for them to be also exchanging body heat. “It’s okay to feel conflicted, and it’s okay to be angry. We’re all here for you, even in the middle of the desert.”

“Yeah, Azarin, even I agree that you’ve had a pretty messed up life at this point…” Sokka shakes his head, then places a hand on Azarin’s shoulder. “But we’re here for you. Team Avatar takes care of its own.”

Finally, Azarin smiles. He’s really starting to feel like he belongs here, that he was meant to be here all along, even despite the mistakes he’s made in the past. Even if Sokka has had his doubts, he hasn’t tried to kick Azarin out or turn everyone else against him again. Azarin is so, so grateful to be here.

“I get that we’re all here for Azarin, but can Azarin be here for  _ me _ again?” Toph’s voice comes from behind them. “Fire feet is big and solid like a rock, and  _ I can’t see.”  _ Azarin laughs, taking Toph’s wrist and pulling her to his side again. She grips his arm tightly. “Ah...sweet stability.”

Azarin realizes after they walk for a little while longer that his throat is dry and scratchy and painful from all the sand he’s been inhaling. He smacks his mouth together, blinking up at Katara in front of them. “Katara, can I get some water?”

She sighs, but pulls out some of her bending water and splits it into several parts, one even for Momo. “Alright, but we have to try and conserve it.” She sends the water into each of their mouths and the relief Azarin feels from the cool liquid moving down his throat is immense. “My bending water is all we have, I’m sorry guys.”

Sokka, looking downtrodden just a moment before, perks up as he looks past Katara, pointing. “Not anymore, look!” He runs to what he saw, which turns out to be a lone cactus growing amongst them. Sokka takes his knife and cuts multiple parts of the cactus off, drinking the insides quickly. Momo follows suit. “There’s water trapped inside these!”

“Sokka, wait! You shouldn’t be eating strange plants!” Katara exclaims, but it’s too late. Sokka offers up some of the cactus for her, but she just stares at it. “I don’t know…”

Sokka shrugs, smiling. “Suit yourself. It’s very thirst-quenching, though.”

Azarin, already thirsty again after the minimal water Katara had rationed, snatches the piece of cactus from Sokka and downs what’s left. “I’m too thirsty to be cautious. We’re gonna die out here anyway, might as well die quenched.”

“Azarin!” Katara exclaims, sounding mad, but he ignores her to stare at Sokka, who’s acting like a worm on the ground. Azarin immediately regrets drinking it.

“Drink cactus juice!” Sokka says, pupils blown to hell and back. “It’ll quench ya! Nothing’s quenchier...it’s the  _ quenchiest!” _ He offers another piece of cactus to Katara, who takes it from him cautiously.

“Okay...I think you’ve had enough…”

Sokka points to Toph, who's still clinging to Azarin. “Who lit Toph on fire?” He looks up at Azarin, blinking.  _ “You _ lit Toph on fire! FIRE NATION!”

At this point, Azarin is starting to feel like Sokka is making sense. His surroundings are a little sharper than they usually are, colors are brighter. Toph’s green and yellow headband is glowing. He gasps. “Toph, your headband is  _ so pretty…” _

“Can I get some of that cactus?” Toph questions, pulling on Katara’s robe.

“Yes! Toph, try it!” Azarin exclaims, completely unaware of what he’s doing. He takes a handful of sand and offers it to Toph, fully thinking that it’s a piece of cactus.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Katara says, smacking Azarin’s hands down. She takes Toph’s arm and pulls her away. “Come on, we need to find Aang.”

Azarin  _ skips _ to follow Katara, grabbing Sokka’s hand along the way and pulling him with him. Sokka looks around like something changed. “How did we get out here in the middle of the  _ ocean?” _

“Oh, I know!” Azarin responds, returning to walking instead of skipping. “Because you’re from the Water Tribe! Katara is a waterbender!” When he looks at Sokka, everything  _ but _ Sokka is moving in slow little wiggles. He blinks for a moment and it’s gone, but he’s left staring at Sokka as they walk, holding hands. Azarin feels a lot of warmth inside him...where is it coming from? “Sokka...Sokka, you’re  _ really _ pretty!”

Sokka gasps. “How can you say that when you’re covered in leaves?”

Azarin looks down at himself, seeing no leaves. He shakes his head. “No, Sokka, I said you’re  _ pretty. _ You’re cute. I like you, Sokka, even if you don’t like me.”

“That means so much to me, Azarin!” Sokka exclaims, throwing his and Azarin’s intertwined hands into the air. “Do you like me as much as you like Zuko?”

Azarin blinks, something inside him waiting for a negative reaction that never comes. Still, he’s extremely aware of his feelings right now, so he can answer honestly. “I don’t think so. Zuko is so…”

“Angry? Serious? Scary?” Sokka tries to finish for him, but none of that fits what Azarin is trying to say. He shakes his head.

“Dreamy…” Azarin sighs this out, pulling Sokka to his side as they walk, holding their hands up to his chest. “Handsome. Majestic, even. Have you guys seen Zuko firebend? It’s so  _ hot…” _

“Yeah, Azarin, firebending is  _ quite literally _ hot,” Toph says this sarcastically, but Azarin doesn’t catch it.

“I think Zuko is too old for you, Toph,” Azarin says this indignantly, pointing at her with the hand that’s attached to Sokka’s. “He’s gonna fall in love with me, anyway. He’s  _ gonna! _ He has to. He’s gonna be good, and I’m gonna make him good. Right, Sokka?”

Sokka nods with determination. “I think Zuko is hot, yes.”

Katara and Toph stop and turn to face Sokka, Katara looking at him in the most strange way, but Azarin ignores them, frowning in Sokka’s direction and whining, because Sokka didn’t say Azarin is hot, too.  _ “Sokka, _ what about me?”

“Oh, no!” Sokka gasps, throwing his arms around Azarin dramatically. “You’re  _ so _ hot, Azarin, you’re like...ten times more attractive than Zuko! You’re hotter than Suki! Even if your hair is an octopus...”

Even though they’re hugging each other while walking, Azarin kicks Sokka in the shin. “I don’t believe you.”

Sokka stomps his foot into the sand. “Kiss me and I’ll prove it!”

Azarin nods, and without even questioning it, presses his lips to Sokka’s but neither of them stop walking. They walk directly into Katara, who pulls them apart even though both of them are whining and reaching for each other. “That’s  _ enough, _ you two! What was in that cactus juice?!”

Sokka drops his arms, looking sad. “Love…”

“Friendship,” Azarin says, wrapping his arms around Katara’s hand, hugging it to his chest and smiling. “You’re my  _ best friend, _ Katara…”

“What  _ is _ that?” Katara asks, and Azarin looks up at her, blinking.

“Well, a best friend is when—”

“Not  _ that,” _ she corrects, pulling her hand from his grip then pointing to something in the distance. “That.”

Azarin looks and his jaw drops because a huge, growing mushroom is in the sand far, far away. Before he can get excited, Sokka, waves his hands in the air. “It’s a  _ giant _ mushroom! Maybe it’s friendly!”

Azarin nods and steps behind Sokka, taking Momo’s tail into his hand in case he falls off of Sokka’s back. “Let’s go talk to it!”

“Let’s just keep moving,” Katara says, making Azarin frown. He turns to follow her through the snow on the ground.

The wiggly-sun is going down over the ocean and Azarin can’t let go of Sokka’s hand because he’ll drown...Aang is  _ flying _ down to them with his  _ wings _ and Azarin lets Sokka drown to run to him, but Katara stops him. Azarin is sleepy.

More walking, and Sokka argues that his hands are bigger than Azarin’s. No. That isn’t true. Sokka’s hands are tiny baby hands. Cute hands. Azarin likes holding them. They aren’t Zuko’s hands. Zuko has nice hands, soft hands. Delicate hands. Azarin wants to kiss Zuko’s hands, but Zuko wouldn’t want that. Azarin is sad that Zuko doesn’t love him, but Azarin has Sokka now. Sokka is better. Sokka isn’t a mean bully.

After a few hours of sleep, Azarin’s head is completely clear. He remembers all the insane things he did while the cactus juice was still clouding his brain...he wants to bury himself in the sand and suffocate to death. Did he really  _ kiss _ Sokka? He doesn’t want to talk about it and he’s glad that they have to keep moving and that Sokka has yet to come out of his haze. Maybe no one remembers.

“Hey, Azarin, can we kiss again? It was  _ really _ nice,” Sokka’s eyes are half lidded as he leans against Azarin. So much for that sentiment.

Azarin pushes him away. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sokka.”

Sokka looks hurt, but he doesn’t respond. Aang looks at Azarin strangely. “Is there anything I missed?”

“Sokka, Azarin, and Momo drank cactus juice and they’ve been acting crazy and weird ever since. Sokka and Azarin were flirting and they kissed, Momo flies really fast everywhere, and I’ve been the only one able to keep everything together because Toph can’t see and you flew off alone to find Appa.”

Katara sounds extremely irritated, and Azarin puts a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I’m not messed up on cactus juice anymore. I can help.” He expects Aang to say something, but he just turns forward and keeps walking. Azarin stays with Katara.

Luckily, they find a sand boat buried in the middle of the desert and Aang uses his airbending to sail them across the dunes. As if being stranded in the desert isn’t enough, they get attacked by vulture bees and have to deal with the sand benders that took Appa. It takes Aang going into the Avatar State for them to confess that Appa is probably in Ba Sing Se by now, sold to a zoo. Katara has to calm him down so he doesn’t destroy everything around them.

Later on, when they’re riding in a wagon to the drop-off point given to them by the sand benders, Sokka scoots a little closer to Azarin, whispering because everyone else is napping. “Did we, uh...did we…?”

Azarin pats Sokka on the leg, smiling. He leans over and kisses Sokka on the cheek. “Yes, Sokka. We did. But...you can blame it on the cactus juice if you’re not ready to address that just yet.”

“I…” Sokka’s cheeks are flushed and this time, Azarin knows it isn’t the heat. “I don’t know, honestly. I  _ do _ find you attractive, but—”

“And apparently Zuko, too,” Azarin adds, nudging Sokka with his elbow.

“I mean, yeah, him too...even if I’ve never admitted that out loud…” Sokka lets out a long sigh, running his hands over his face. “I miss when our problems only involved defeating the Fire Lord.”

Azarin laughs lightly. “What, is discovering that you don’t  _ just _ like girls more difficult than defeating Ozai?”

“Yes! I thought that was obvious!”

They’re silent for a little bit, and Azarin realizes that his hand is still on Sokka’s thigh. He pulls it back quickly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sokka, I don’t want to upset you, but I just...there’s so much going on, and—”

“Don’t worry about it, Azarin,” Sokka interrupts, holding his hand up. “I’m not looking to start another relationship where the person I like is in love with someone else. Besides, I don’t even think I  _ like _ you, I just find you attractive.”

Azarin’s pride is just a  _ little _ bit hurt, but he doesn’t take it personally. He fakes a frown to be a little extra dramatic, throwing his arms around Sokka’s shoulders. “But what if I  _ love _ you, Sokka? What if I think you’re the  _ only _ one for me, my big strong boomerang boy!” He makes a kissing face at Sokka, who shoves him away with a roll of his eyes.

“I’m  _ never _ drinking from a cactus ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all wanted sokkarin. i gave you sokkarin on drugs. take it or leave it (:


	29. ba sing se

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: up we go - lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episodes twelve, thirteen, and fourteen: the serpent's pass / the drill / city of walls and secrets
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

After they’re dropped off and take much longer than normal to bathe after being in the desert, the five of them (plus Momo) end up getting tickets for the ferry to Ba Sing Se, and coincidentally run into Suki while they wait. She doesn’t recognize him without his Fire Nation clothing, which Azarin is grateful for. None of them recognize her without her Kyoshi makeup, either.

Eventually, though, they _have_ to tell her who he is, because she’s joining them after they give up their tickets to help a pregnant lady and her husband cross the Serpent’s Pass. It sounds horrible and dangerous to Azarin, but he’d rather brave that than talk to Suki about who he is. He’d rather not have his ass kicked on such a beautiful day, but unfortunately he has to risk it.

“Hey, uh...Suki?”

She turns to face him from her place next to Sokka, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Can we talk back here?” Azarin knows he looks nervous. He pushes his hair out of his face as Suki jogs to him, and he sees Sokka give him a wink before turning forward again. He sighs.

Suki, smile as bright as ever, keeps pace beside him as they walk. “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

“Uh…” He panics. His name will give him away immediately...it literally means ‘fire.’ “Azarin. My name is Azarin.”

Her eyes widen and she immediately shoves his back against the rock wall next to them, her forearm against his throat. “Sokka, did you _know_ that you’re traveling with one of the guys that burned down my village?”

“Suki, stop!” Sokka rushes back to them, but Suki just pushes harder into Azarin’s neck. His vision is starting to blur from getting no air into his lungs.

Not a moment later, there’s a water whip hitting Suki’s arm and she lets go. While Azarin gasps for air, Katara glares at Suki. “Don’t hurt him.”

“Katara, he’s--” Suki starts, but Katara cuts her off.

“From the Fire Nation, I know. We all know. But he chose to leave that behind and join us because he knew that what they’re doing is wrong...he made the right choice and he’s been making the right choices ever since. Don’t punish him for where he’s from, because he can’t control that.”

Suki’s eyes soften as they look from Katara back to Azarin, but she doesn’t get the chance to respond, because the man they’re traveling with steps to Azarin, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s terrible to hear that the Fire Nation is pushing away its own people.”

“You have no idea how many times I’ve heard that over the last few weeks,” Azarin responds, pulling at the sleeves of his shirt out of anxiousness. “But...thank you.” He looks to Suki, eyes pleading. “I’m sorry if you don’t trust me, Suki. I understand if you don’t.”

She shakes her head, but doesn’t smile this time. “If Sokka, Katara, and Aang trust you, then I do.”

Azarin blinks, because Suki’s stance is still defensive, with those metal fans in her hands. “Then why do you still look like you want to chop my head off with those fans?”

“Because you _burned down my village,”_ Suki’s eyes narrow at him, even as Katara steps beside him. “I can trust you and not like you at the same time.”

Azarin raises a brow, crossing his arms over his chest. “I think _Zuko_ and his benders burned down your village, not me.”

“Were you _not_ one of his benders?”

“I was his best friend, actually.”

“And that’s any better?!” Suki looks a little disgusted, but shakes her head and turns to walk again with Sokka. “Just...don’t give me a reason to hurt you, and we’re good.”

Azarin sighs. While he completely understands people’s distrust of him, it _can_ get annoying at times. If the Avatar and his friends trust him, shouldn’t that be enough?

“I wouldn’t push Suki, if I were you,” Katara says this low, with her arm linked into Azarin’s as they walk. “She’s an extremely capable fighter.”

“I know, I’ve fought her before,” Azarin responds with a shrug. “She’s just as frustrating as Sokka. They’re meant for each other, truly. I wonder if he’ll tell her about--”

“Azarin, was that your name?” Ying, the pregnant woman they’re escorting across the pass, interrupts his conversation with Katara. He nods, and she smiles. “You’re very brave for leaving the Fire Nation and helping the Avatar. I hope they don’t do something terrible to you if they ever catch you.”

Azarin laughs lightly. “They already have, and it was my own father, but that’s a long story that I’m sure you don’t want to hear about considering you’re about to be a parent. But thank you, Ying, I appreciate you and your husband’s kindness and understanding.”

She smiles warmly at him, and they continue walking.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After an uncomfortable night’s sleep and a near-death experience with a giant sea monster, they finally make it across the pass just in time for Ying to go into labor. Azarin has never seen a baby just after they’re born before, but this little girl is quite possibly the cutest little thing he’s ever been in the presence of. Seeing her makes his heart feel warm.

After they all greet the baby, Aang has a few heartfelt moments with Katara and decides to fly to Ba Sing Se to look for Appa while the rest of them take another day or two to walk there. Azarin isn’t opposed to the idea, considering since they left the desert Aang has acted like nothing matters. If he wants to go ahead of them to look for Appa, he won’t stop him. Aang _needs_ to care about something, especially his oldest friend.

While Katara and Azarin say goodbye to Ying and Than, Sokka is talking to Suki. As soon as Azarin turns to tell Sokka that they need to start heading out, he sees the two of them attached at the lips. He smiles, and decides not to bother them just yet.

Suki goes back to the ferry bay to be with the other Kyoshi warriors, and the new parents make camp to take care of their new baby for a few days before they head to Ba Sing Se. Katara, Sokka, Toph and Azarin make their way on foot toward the giant wall in the distance, and Sokka seems upset, considering he isn’t talking their ears off about kissing Suki.

Azarin bumps their shoulders together as they walk. “I saw you with Suki back there. You’ve gotta be some kind of romance king to be kissing a girl _and_ a boy within a few days’ time.”

Sokka shrugs, and Azarin finds it odd. He expects Sokka to hit him or yell at him, but he doesn’t. “I wish she could have come with us. I miss her.”

“I’m sure you’ll see her again, Sokka,” Azarin reassures, with an arm around Sokka’s shoulders. “She really seems to like you.”

“Yeah, and considering how annoying you are, that’s an accomplishment!” Katara chimes in, a little sarcastically, but Azarin gives her a pointed look. Now isn’t the time for their sibling rivalry.

Ignoring his sister, Sokka leans his head into Azarin, letting out a defeated sigh. “I told her about you last night. She thought the reason you’re traveling with us is because we’re dating, and I felt so terrible. And when I told her that wasn’t true, she tried to kiss me but the moon was _right there_ and I...couldn’t.”

“But today you _did_ kiss her, so why do you seem so upset, Sokka?” Azarin is a little confused, but Sokka isn’t used to talking about how he feels, so he gives him some credit just for even trying.

“Because...well...I guess, because…” Sokka tries, but ends up shaking his head. “I don’t know. This is all so confusing. I wish we never drank that cactus juice, Azarin.”

Pulling Sokka a little closer to him, Azarin goes to respond but Katara turns around to face them, walking backwards so she can speak to her brother. “I wanna say I wish you didn’t, either, but...you discovered something about yourself that you’ve been holding back, Sokka. And I think that’s wonderful. Azarin being around probably sparked that part of you, and you were probably so rude to him because you’re attracted to him but didn’t _want_ to be. It’s okay to be confused, but don’t regret finding out something new about yourself. You like girls _and_ boys, and there’s nothing wrong with that, big brother.”

For the first time that Azarin has ever seen, Sokka has tears in his eyes. “Katara, I’m gonna kill you for being so much like mom.”

Katara, smiling, wraps her arms around her brother. “I love you too, Sokka.”

“You guys are gonna make me cry, stop it,” Azarin says, with his arms around both Sokka and Katara. He squeezes them for a moment then lets go, pointing to the wall in the distance. “We have to catch up with Aang. Why is he never here when we discuss important stuff?”

Sokka shrugs, then starts walking again, but remains pretty close to Azarin. His tears are completely gone already. “He’s the Avatar, who knows at this point.”

“Can you guys stop being so mushy? I swear it’s like you don’t even realize I’m here, and _I’m_ the blind one,” Toph sounds off, making the rest of them laugh. Azarin pulls her to his side, ruffling her hair.

“I could never forget you’re here, Toph,” he says, holding her shoulders. “Who else is gonna make fun of Sokka’s kissing face with me?” He attempts, along with Toph, and Sokka starts to get irritated, which is amusing.

“You can’t make fun of my kissing face if you’re someone who’s actually _kissed_ me, Azarin!”

At this, Azarin does it more, but leans over to kiss Sokka on his cheek. “I can do whatever I want, actually.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Before they ever even make it to the wall, Aang comes back and says they have a problem. Turns out, it’s a Fire Nation problem. There’s a giant drill with a Fire Nation insignia on it heading straight for the wall. Azarin has to give it to whoever came up with that thing...it’s massive, and it just might work, if the Avatar weren’t around to stop it.

Toph gets them underneath it so they can get inside, but stays on the ground to try and stop it where she can actually see. Once inside, they find a way to enact Sokka’s ‘take it down from the inside’ plan; Azarin heats the giant beams connecting the outer shell of the drill to the inside, while Katara and Aang use waterbending to cut through the hot, softened metal. It’s brilliant, but takes much longer than expected. The drill hits the wall before they’re even done with one of the beams, but Aang has an even more brilliant idea that they don’t need to cut completely through _all_ of the braces, they just need to weaken them so he can deliver a final blow from outside of the drill that makes it fall completely apart. Azarin is consistently shocked at just how smart Aang turns out to be.

They’re _so close_ to being done when Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai show up and Azarin isn’t shocked at all that they’re the ones behind this giant monstrosity. Azula shoots fire at him and he returns it with a single hand, while the other continues to heat the metal beam they’re trying to weaken. Once finished, they make a run for it.

When they come to a split, Katara and Sokka head in one direction while Aang goes in another, and Azarin doesn’t know what to do until he feels Aang’s hand on his wrist, pulling him at an inhuman speed. Azarin will never get used to how weird airbending is to him.

When they reach the outside of the drill, Aang has to avoid the boulders the earthbenders above are sending down, but he starts using the water Katara has given him to cut through the metal of the drill. “Heat up the metal, and keep an eye out for Azula.”

Azarin nods, sending fire down to the metal around where Aang is cutting. Momo lands on his shoulder, nuzzling into his hair, which makes him smile a little. “I’m just glad I’m able to _actually_ help.”

“Azarin, you help us every day _without_ your bending, even if you don’t believe it,” Aang is sweating and working hard to cut the drill, but still manages to do his whole wise Avatar thing at the same time. “It isn’t your fault that your father was a spellbender, and it isn’t your fault that you’re one. We can work around it...like now, when there’s firebenders inside the drill and you’re able to help make this process _a lot_ easier.”

“Do you ever get tired of being so wise and all knowing?” Azarin asks, and Aang stops bending to wipe the sweat from his face, shrugging.

Before Aang can respond, blue fire erupts between them and they step back from each other, looking beside them to see Azula walking toward them, completely nonchalantly. Azarin’s eyes narrow at her.

“I can’t wait to put you in prison, Azarin. Father will be _oh_ so happy with me.” Her voice once again irritates Azarin from the inside out, but he doesn’t respond to her.

“Keep cutting through the drill, Aang,” Azarin says, not taking his eyes off of Azula. “I’ll deal with this spoiled brat.”

Azula looks angry for just a moment before she shoots more fire at him, which Azarin blocks with his own attack. It feels incredible to firebend again; it’s almost like Azarin can _feel_ the heat pulsing through his veins and bringing him power. Even so, he knows he can’t _win_ a fight against Azula, but he knows he can hold her off long enough for Aang to enact his plan.

When Azula does, eventually, send Azarin flying back, he brings Aang with him and they both hit the wall of Ba Sing Se hard. Azula ignores Azarin and picks up Aang, ready to kill him right then and there, but Aang uses his earthbending to fend her off while Azarin gathers himself again. He stands, weakly, trying to regain any semblance of balance while he watches Aang fight Azula.

He doesn’t know how his clothes got wet and dirty, but he notices it just before all three of them slide off the side of the drill. Azarin quickly uses his bending to propel himself back up, which takes almost all of his energy, but it’s enough to do the job especially with fire spewing from all four of his limbs.

Aang is cutting a rock into a pick, smiling wide when he sees Azarin. “I’m glad you made it back, buddy! I’m almost done.”

Azarin smiles, but it fades when he sees Azula making her way back up the side of the drill. He steps past Aang and sends fireballs over and over toward her until she reaches the top. He’s sweating and wet and muddy and exhausted, but Aang is _so close_ to taking this thing down. He _has_ to distract Azula.

She starts running directly toward him, and he does the same. When they reach each other they clasp hands together, fire spitting from around their palms and sweat pouring from their faces as they glare at each other. Azarin pushes with all the energy left in him, and it effectively shoves Azula back so he can use his bending to create a ball of fire around himself that she can’t penetrate. She tries, repeatedly sending blue against red, but it does nothing. By the time she realizes she’s being distracted, Aang slams the rock into the drill with a huge blow that sends both Azarin and Azula flying.

This time, Azarin lets himself slide off the side of the drill while smiling and waving toward Azula, who sends one last blast of fire toward him. She misses.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After they get cleaned up (courtesy of Katara’s waterbending and Aang’s airbending) the five of them head onto the train that takes them into the city. Azarin thinks the train is insanely cool, considering it isn’t run by machinery at all, it works using earthbending. He’s getting that little feeling of wanting to be an earthbender again.

Their ‘escort’ seems extremely strange, and no matter how much Sokka emphasizes that they _need_ to talk to the Earth King, she only talks about the wonders of the city and how much they’re going to love it in Ba Sing Se. Azarin is getting pretty irritated, himself, but he doesn’t want to step out of line. This woman knew exactly who he was, who they all were, upon meeting them. Being from the Fire Nation, Azarin wants to remain as low profile as possible while they’re here. Who knows just how many refugees would want to take out their aggression with the Fire Nation on him.

When they reach their house, Azarin is shocked to see how nice it is. He’s relieved to have a roof, a bedroom to himself, and an actual _bed_ again, but Aang is far more concerned with finding Appa, so Azarin has to withhold his excitement for a bit. Trying to do anything with Ju Dee around is impossible. She doesn’t listen, she threatens everyone they talk to, and they get nowhere. They end up just turning in for the night.

In the morning, Azarin is _just_ rolling out of bed while Katara and Toph go back and forth about them being able to sneak into the Earth King’s party for his pet...bear?

“Lord Momo of the Momo dynasty, _your Momoness,”_ Aang bows to the lemur underneath a blanket, then turns to Azarin, grinning. “Master Azarin, supreme leader of the Sleepy Firebenders, how do you do?”

Azarin pinches the bridge of his nose, looking at Toph while Sokka and Aang bump heads. “If you’re gonna teach anyone, it should be Katara. Those two would be lucky to pass for bus boys. I can help, if you want.”

Toph sits up, nodding. “Oh yeah, I forgot you grew up with the Fire Nation Royal Family. You’ll be a big help, fire feet!”

_“Azarin?!”_ Sokka exclaims, arms extended. “Why does Azarin get to do it, and we don’t?”

“Sokka, do you know the difference between a soup spoon and a pudding spoon?” He raises a brow at Sokka, who slouches and shakes his head, and Azarin continues. “That’s what I thought. Come on, guys, we have to go shopping for new clothes, and I need a new hair tie. This _mess_ is not fit for high society.” He runs a hand through his hair only for it to fall back down into his face. It’s getting much longer than it’s ever been and absolutely _will not_ stay out of his face unless he puts it up, which...he can’t.

At this, Katara perks up, fiddling with the end of her braid while she steps to him. She takes his hand and puts something into it; it’s his Fire Nation pin and hair tie that Iroh had gifted him from Lu Ten. He remembers putting it into her pack before he had left them for that short period, and he remembers noticing it in Katara’s hair several times now, but so much has happened that he’s forgotten to mention it, he guesses.

“You need this back. Maybe wear your hair up and tuck the Fire Nation symbol _into_ your hair?”

Azarin smiles and hugs her, tightly. “Thank you, Katara. And...it’s still red. I think I’m better off just getting a new one, but this one still means a lot to me.” When he lets go of her, he heads into his room to get dressed and puts the hair tie into his bag before heading out with Katara and Toph to do some shopping.

It’s a successful trip and it gives Azarin a chance to see Katara away from the burden of her brother, as well as seeing a different side of Toph, too. They buy dresses for Katara and Toph, some fancier, tighter fitting clothing for Azarin, and Azarin pays for them to get some makeup to wear to the party. He doesn’t pretend to know how to use it, he just knows girls like to wear it sometimes to feel prettier. Neither of them _need_ it to be pretty, but high society says otherwise, and he knows that.

While Katara and Toph are still getting ready for the party, Azarin is finished and steps out of his room as he puts the finishing touches on his hair tie. It’s different from ones in the Fire Nation, but it’ll have to do for now. He’s a little too busy doing this to notice Sokka and Aang staring at him, but when he does, he grins and Aang returns it.

“You look great, Azarin!” The Avatar exclaims, pointing to his head. “I forgot what you looked like with your hair up!”

Azarin bows respectfully to Aang, then turns his eyes to Sokka, who’s still staring and blinking at him. Azarin smiles, stepping toward him and leaning down a little to get the other’s attention. “You’re staring, Sokka.”

“I…” Sokka starts, then gulps a little loudly and pulls himself together, apparently. He shakes his head, putting a hand on Azarin’s chest to keep him at arm’s length. “...have a girlfriend, now.”

Azarin rolls his eyes, shoving Sokka’s arm down, then pulling him closer and lowering his voice. “Is she _here,_ Sokka?”

Before Sokka has a chance to respond, Katara and Toph come out of their room looking as pretty as ever, but their faces turn when they see what’s going on between Sokka and Azarin. Katara sighs, shaking her head. _“What_ are you two doing?”

“Azarin is harassing me!” Sokka says as he pulls his arm from Azarin’s grip.

Azarin doesn’t have a chance to defend himself, though, because Toph holds up the fan in her hand toward him. _“Don’t_ fraternize with the commoners, Azarin. You should know this. Let’s go.”

“Commoner?!” Sokka sounds extremely offended, and Aang laughs.

Azarin grins in Sokka’s direction and lifts a finger to place underneath his chin, making Sokka look up at him. “I’ll see you later, handsome.” As Katara and Toph walk past him, he falls into step in between them. Katara shoves her elbow into his side once they’re in the street under the night sky.

“Is it _completely_ necessary to have my brother on such a short string like that?”

“Yeah, Azarin,” Toph interjects, amusement in her voice. “I thought Sokka’s heart was gonna explode, it was beating so hard.”

Azarin laughs, linking his arms with both of them. “He’s the one that wouldn’t stop staring at me. In my book, he was asking for it.”

Katara and Toph laugh, too, and they head toward the Earth King’s palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for putting up with this trash heap of mine for over 100k words!! wow!! y'all are the mvps honestly. also I didn't plan for this much sokkarin to happen but it's done now...it exists...


	30. the tale of azarin and sokka (and zuko)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: be together - major lazer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (vaguely) follows book two episodes fifteen, seventeen, and eighteen: the tales of ba sing se / lake laogai / the earth king
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Azarin, wake up!” Being shaken awake after only  _ just _ falling asleep isn’t fun. Especially not when it’s Sokka and he  _ won’t stop shaking  _ Azarin. “You won’t believe the day I had!”

Groaning from exhaustion, Azarin rolls over and looks out the window, sighing. “Sokka, it’s  _ late. _ I can hear what happened to you tomorrow.”

“I stumbled into this writing class and impressed a bunch of girls with my poetry!” Sokka apparently doesn’t care that Azarin’s eyes are still closed, so Azarin sits up and rubs the sleep from his eyes, looking at him.

“Are you sure they weren’t just laughing at you?”

Sokka hits Azarin in the chest, rolling his eyes. “They were impressed. I made them laugh, whether it was at me or with me.”

They’re silent for a few moments. Azarin yawns. “Is this all you woke me up for, twerp? I’m going back to sleep.”

Before Azarin can lie down again, Sokka pulls him back up by his bare shoulders, eyes widening when he feels Azarin’s skin. “Jeez, are you  _ always _ this hot?”

“Hm...yeah,” Azarin responds, grinning. Sokka hits him in the chest again. “I’m a firebender. Even if I don’t have the ability to bend  _ all _ the time, I still always run a hot body temperature.”

“That would have been useful in the winter,” Sokka says, then looks like he’s done something wrong, quickly backtracking. “Uh...not that I’d be  _ on _ your body if it were cold out…”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “So can I go back to sleep yet or are you going to continue acting like you aren’t attracted to me? It’s exhausting.”

“That’s, uh...that’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about…” Sokka looks anxious as he stands up. “Can we go for a walk or something? I don’t want anyone else butting into our conversation.”

Nodding, Azarin gets out of his bed and stretches. “Just let me get some clothes on, twerp.”

Sokka smiles a little awkwardly, then exits the room to give Azarin some privacy.

Once they’re outside, they head down to the middle ring to get something to eat, since both of their stomachs are threatening to eat them whole. The noodle house they choose is cheap but nice. The tea is terrible, which Azarin points out several times only for Sokka to roll his eyes at him repeatedly.

“I don’t know why you think I’m being dramatic when you can clearly see it’s ice fucking cold, Sokka!” Azarin shoves his cup under Sokka’s vision, who pushes it back.

“I think you take tea way too seriously,” Sokka says, disgruntledly.

“I think you didn’t spend three years drinking tea from the finest teamaker in the Fire Nation.”

Sokka immediately sends his hand flying over Azarin’s mouth, eyes wide. “Don’t say that so loudly! There’s a  _ lot _ of people here, dummy!” An old man at the table next to them is looking at them strangely, and Sokka removes his hand to grin wide. “My friend is just very disappointed in the tea here.”

The man looks back to his food, and Azarin sighs. “I’m sorry, Sokka, I should shut up about the tea. You wanted to talk to me, anyway.”

Nodding, Sokka sips his water while they wait for their food. “I got a letter from Suki this morning. She basically said we aren’t dating...that when we’re together, we’re together, but she doesn’t want to hold me back if I meet someone while I travel. She said she has some things she wants to explore, too, whatever that means.”

Azarin blinks, eyes locked on the disappointed look in Sokka’s face. This is clearly hurting him a lot, and he’s trusting Azarin with this information, most likely because if he talked to anyone else about it, he couldn’t get the truth. Katara and Aang would just be annoyingly positive about it, and Sokka isn’t going to trust Toph with something like this. Azarin is...the only person Sokka has for something like this.

“Hey...that sucks, man,” Azarin responds, reaching over the table and gripping Sokka’s hand in his own. “I’m sorry she isn’t taking it as seriously as you are.”

Sokka shrugs, dropping his head down onto the table dramatically. “I never should have told her about you, and about how I feel. She probably wants me to date you or some other guy so I can ‘explore’ that side of myself.”

“Thanks for throwing me under the bus, twerp,” Azarin smiles as he says this, but Sokka isn’t even looking at him.

“Hey, no problem. Happy to help.”

Azarin laughs, shaking his head. He tugs on Sokka’s ponytail to get him to look up again. “If you need anyone to make out with to feel better, my mouth is here for you, Sokka.”

This actually makes Sokka laugh, leaning back in his chair. “What a generous offer. I’ll consider it.”

“Hey, happy to help,” Azarin grins at Sokka just as their food comes. It’s hot and fresh and Azarin gets to work immediately, looking like a madman as he downs the broth and noodles and vegetables.

“So...about dating…” Sokka says this with his mouth full, but Azarin understands him perfectly. He drops his spoon into his soup and stares across the table at him.

“Uh...excuse me?” Azarin shakes his head, completely and utterly confused. “You said you  _ didn’t _ want to date me, but now that Suki says you’re not together, you  _ do _ want to?”

Sokka puts his hands out in front of himself, shaking his head furiously. “No, no, no,  _ no! _ That isn’t what I mean…”

“Then what do you mean, Sokka? This back and forth is giving me a headache.”

“I just mean…” The Water Tribe boy starts off slow, letting out a sigh. “I’m saying I don’t know  _ what _ I want. If Suki thinks we aren’t together when we aren’t around each other, that’s fine, even if it hurts. It’s what she wants, and I’m not about to tell her any differently.” Sokka pauses, looking around for a moment before his eyes finally fall back on Azarin. There’s something in them, something Azarin can’t place. “I don’t want to date you--”

“And I don’t want to date  _ you,” _ Azarin counters, after swallowing some more broth. Sokka looks at him strangely.

“I...I thought you did?” He shakes his head. “By the way you’re always flirting with me, I thought--”

“Sokka, I flirted with you when I was still trying to help Zuko capture Aang,” Azarin laughs a little, not believing just how absolutely  _ dense _ the boys he finds attractive are. “Flirting doesn’t mean anything. It’s just fun to do. I like making you uncomfortably attracted to me and seeing how you react to the things I do, but I could never  _ be _ with you, Sokka. You aren’t my type.”

“I am too your type! You’re telling me Mr. Pale, Scary, and Angry is  _ anyone’s  _ type?” Sokka is completely and utterly offended and it’s amusing to Azarin, to say the very least.

Shrugging, Azarin tries to hide his smile behind his cup of tea. “Zuko is quite literally hotter than you, Sokka.”

The frustrated and indignant look on Sokka’s face is priceless. “I will make out with you right here, right now just to prove you wrong.”

“Why does my attraction to Zuko bother you  _ so _ much, hm?” Azarin leans forward, lowering his voice. “His hair is better than yours now, too.”

“Alright, that’s it!” Sokka exclaims, trying to get up and move around the table, but Azarin just laughs and shoves him back toward his seat. Sokka sits, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Coming after my hair is going too far, Azarin.”

He’s still partially laughing when he responds, because Sokka is just  _ so amusing _ when he’s frustrated. “Your hair is cute, Sokka, don’t worry.” Sokka starts talking about his hair, but Azarin’s vision is taken to two people who are just arriving in the restaurant; one of them is extremely familiar. His chest tightens and his heart starts erratically beating as he stares across the room at Zuko, who’s clearly on a date with a very pretty girl. He feels like his entire soul drops down into the earth.

“Azarin, hello?” Sokka waves his hand in front of Azarin’s eyes. “What are you...oh  _ no,” _ he follows Azarin’s gaze to Zuko and the girl, then shakes his head and stands up, grabbing Azarin’s hand. “Why the hell is he even in the city? How did he get in? Azarin, let’s go pay before he notices us.”

Sokka pulls him up out of his chair, but Azarin barely registers the movement. Sokka takes Azarin’s wallet of money and pays, and quickly pulls Azarin out into the street again, but stays near the restaurant. Azarin is still staring.

“H-He…” Azarin starts, and Sokka places a hand on his shoulder, nodding.

“I know.”

Azarin shakes his head, tears in his eyes. “What is he doing here?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Sokka shrugs, then leans up to press a light kiss to Azarin’s cheek. “I know it hurts you, but...I’d like to stay and watch him, to see what he’s doing and where he’s staying, if that’s alright?”

“He’s clearly on a  _ date, _ Sokka, what more is there to see?” Azarin is suddenly very aggressive very quickly, and he doesn’t know where it comes from. He doesn’t want to be angry, he just can’t help it.

Sokka sighs, taking Azarin’s hands into his own. “I know, Azarin, I know. We can go home if--”

“No, it’s fine…” Azarin backtracks, sniffing and wiping his tears on his shoulder. “We should probably see what he’s up to, in case he’s here for Aang. I’m just emotional, is all.”

“You have every right to be,” Sokka responds, softly. Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever seen him be this...compassionate. “I wish we could go in there and make out so he gets jealous.”

Azarin laughs, shaking his head and pulling Sokka into a brief embrace. “You’re a good friend, Sokka.”

They follow Zuko and the girl from a safe distance, watching as Zuko risks blowing his cover by lighting lanterns around a fountain for her. Zuko is so awkward that it’s almost amusing, but all amusement dissipates when Azarin sees the two of them kiss. He wants to scream and cry and hit something (probably Zuko) but he can’t...he just watches as the boy he’s irrevocably in love with, kisses a girl he’s just met.

His tears flow down his cheeks just as Zuko panics and runs away. Sokka pulls him to follow, and they end up in the lower ring at a building complex of small apartments. Zuko heads up the stairs and Azarin can see Iroh in the window, watching his nephew come home. Azarin wonders how long they’ve been here, especially if Zuko is going out on dates with girls.

“I think we should go home now...it’s pretty late,” Sokka says, while Azarin’s eyes are trained on the window where Iroh is clipping a bonsai tree. “Hey, Azarin…”

Azarin looks at Sokka, finally. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sokka nods. “I wasn’t going to,” he says, then leans forward and presses their lips together. Azarin returns it weakly, because he’s just...not all there, at the moment. He appreciates the sentiment, and he thinks Sokka is adorable for trying to make him feel better. It’s short, so when Sokka pulls away, he tries to smile. “Let’s go home and go to sleep.”

Azarin agrees wholeheartedly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In the morning, there’s soft knocks on the door to his room. It’s Katara. “Azarin...will you please come out? It’s nearly lunchtime and you still haven’t gotten out of bed…” When Azarin doesn’t respond, she sighs loudly. “Sokka told us what happened last night. I’m so,  _ so _ sorry you had to see that, Azarin...but we need to talk about why Zuko may be here, and you should be a part of that conversation.”

At this, Azarin jumps up and slides open the door quickly, making Katara step back as she looks up at him. “I’ll tell you why he’s here, Katara. He has nowhere else to go. He and Iroh are starting a new life here, because they have nothing left. That’s why they have an apartment, a way to make money, and that’s why Zuko is going on dates with girls. They’ve given up on pleasing the Fire Nation and they’re settling for living in poverty in Ba Sing Se, the place where Iroh lost everything years ago. They’re settling, and they’re happy, and we should leave them the fuck alone.”

“Azarin…” Katara reaches for him, but he pulls back.

“You should leave me alone, too,” he says, then shuts the door again. He hears Katara walk away as he gets back in bed.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “Hey, are you okay?” Zuko asks, as Azarin stares into the distance. He takes Azarin’s hand into his own, pulling the other down to face him. “You’ve been awfully quiet.” _

_ Azarin blinks, looking into Zuko’s eyes. He feels warmth surrounding him. The feeling of home. “I...don’t know. Can I tell you something?” _

_ Zuko smiles, lowering his voice and leaning his head against Azarin’s softly. “I think I already know what it is…” _

_ “Zuko, I--” _

_ “Did you really think that I could ever love you?” Zuko’s words are sharp. When Azarin pulls back to look at him, the prince’s expression is void of all the warmth it had before. “You’re fighting a losing battle, Azarin. Give up. I will never be yours. You left me for dead, why would I turn around and fall in love with you after that?” _

_ Azarin steps back, stumbling as he goes. The way Zuko is looking at him hurts...it hurts so much. “I’m sorry, Zuko...I-I thought I was doing the right thing, I…” _

_ “You thought wrong.” _

_ When Zuko attacks him, the fire is blue. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin wakes up in a cold sweat, sitting up straight in his bed. The dream lingers in his mind and he has to try and remember where he is. The events of the last two days trickle into his memory, and he calms. They got Appa back, convinced the Earth King that the war exists, Sokka is on his way to see his dad, Toph is visiting her mother, and Aang is going to train with someone at the Eastern Air Temple. Everything is fine, except for the giant hole in their house that Toph had made. Katara and Azarin have been ignoring it, though.

He hasn’t spoken much at all, even while so much was going on. He met the guy that Sokka had vaguely compared to him, and then watched him die all in the span of a few hours. Sokka is extremely excited that Suki is going to be there waiting for him when he gets back from visiting his father, but Azarin can’t help but feel like he’ll be getting left behind...just like now. Katara felt the need to stay because Azarin hasn’t been all here enough to watch over the Earth King alone. It makes him feel a little guilty, but he can’t force himself to feel better. 

Flirting with Sokka had been a distraction, but it couldn’t last forever. Zuko was bound to pop up again at some point and bring it all crumbling down, every last bit of the progress Azarin has made since leaving Zuko behind him. Their brief interaction while Zuko was tracking Azula didn’t seem to bother him much because he was too worried about Aang, and Zuko had been angry with him. Azarin will always defend himself, even to Zuko.

While he’s rinsing his face to try and wash that dream out of his memory, Azarin feels an urge hit him. He makes sure Katara is asleep before silently exiting the house, making his way to the lower ring. He finds the apartment again easily, but hesitates to knock on the door. What is he doing here? What does he think he’s going to get out of this? What will this do for him other than make him upset?

The door slides open before Azarin can back out. Iroh is there to greet him with a warm smile. “I had a feeling we would be seeing you, since we learned that the Avatar is in Ba Sing Se. Come in, Azarin.”

Not responding, Azarin steps past Iroh to see Zuko on the floor, sleeping and sweating and looking even paler than usual. He looks back to Iroh, lowering his voice. “I-Is he alright?”

“I’m not sure,” Iroh says, with a sigh. “Prince Zuko is fighting with himself, and it is coming out of him in the form of a fever. If he makes the right choice, I am sure he will be fine.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Azarin questions, eyes still on Zuko’s sleeping form.

Iroh shakes his head, but doesn’t answer the question. “Would you like some tea?”

Nodding, Azarin sits next to where Zuko is sleeping. He pushes back the prince’s sweat-soaked hair from his face, smiling to himself. “I’ve missed you guys so much. When Azula attacked you, I thought about staying with you.”

“That would not have been necessary,” Iroh responds. He sits beside Azarin, handing him a small cup of tea. “Your friends would not still trust you if you had made that choice.”

“But I’d be here, able to help Zuko through this…” Azarin shakes his head and pushes back the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes. “Whatever he’s going through.”

“He must do this alone. It is necessary for him to make his choice without any outside influence. He will remain just as angry and hurt and upset as he has always been, if not.”

They’re silent for a while. Zuko stirs a bit, but doesn’t wake up. Azarin finishes his tea, and Iroh gets up to fill his cup again. “Uncle, did you know that I’m a spellbender?” Azarin hears the cup drop onto the floor, hot tea spilling everywhere. He turns around and stands, frantic. “Iroh? Are you okay?”

“Where did you hear that word?” Iroh’s eyes are wide. He takes Azarin’s shoulders into his grip. “Do not say that out loud, Azarin. Do you understand?”

Azarin nods, but looks at Iroh with a puzzled expression. “But...did you know?”

Iroh shakes his head, letting go of Azarin and cleaning up the spilled tea from the floor. “I did not. But, it makes a lot of sense. I had speculations that your mother was a witch, but Ursa refused to confirm it, most likely to protect her. Ursa held that secret with her tightly, I suppose.”

“Why would she keep it from me? Why would my mother keep it from me, too? Why did you react that way when I said it?”

Handing Azarin yet another cup of tea, Iroh pulls Azarin into the next room, shutting the door quietly as to not wake Zuko. They sit across from each other on the floor, and Azarin is reminded of the meditation Iroh forced him to do when he had panicked and hurt Zuko. “Spellbenders are forbidden to exist, by law of Fire Lord Azulon. He launched a campaign against them within his first year of becoming Fire Lord. His best friend since childhood was a spellbender, and didn’t tell him for years. Azulon’s friend ended up betraying him and taking my father’s first love from him. When he became Fire Lord, he had them both killed, including their child, and declared all spellbenders -- regardless of element -- to be put to death and erased from history. He was successful.”

Azarin wants to say he can’t believe what he’s hearing, but he can. The Royal Family isn’t exactly known for being compassionate...even Iroh has a dark past. “My father wanted glory and power so badly that he risked being murdered...risked his own son being murdered just to get it. Why am I not more surprised?”

“Because Zhao was thirsty for nothing but power,” Iroh’s tone is serious, which makes Azarin look up at him. “I am sure that if he had any chance at becoming Fire Lord, he would have taken it and done far worse damage than my grandfather, father, and brother combined have all done.”

Azarin doesn’t respond for a few moments. His thoughts are filled with so much that he wants to say and ask, but he falls short. “I...I saw Zuko while he was on a date with that girl. They kissed.”

Iroh lets out a sigh and shakes his head, placing a hand on Azarin’s knee. “I know it must hurt, Azarin, but Zuko is going to take a long while to discover himself. You must not give up hope. I have a feeling that you and my nephew will do great things, both separately and together.”

Azarin can’t hold his tears back anymore. He lets them fall, and lets Iroh wipe them away. He doesn’t know why he came here. He’s starting to regret it.

Zuko begins stirring again, but he doesn’t stop. Iroh helps Azarin up and they rush out of the room, but Azarin stops and gets to his knees next to Zuko. He doesn’t know what pulls him there, he just acts on the urge. He pushes Zuko’s hair back again, leaning down to kiss Zuko’s forehead momentarily. “Make the right choice, Zu. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Before Zuko wakes up any more, Azarin gives Iroh a hug and leaves the apartment to head back in the dead of night. His tears don’t stop until he’s back in his bed, falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you think the angst was over?
> 
> twitter: @breathofthewxld


	31. the choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first half chapter theme: graveyard - halsey
> 
> second half chapter theme: young and menace - fall out boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book two episodes nineteen and twenty: the guru / crossroads of destiny
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)
> 
> here it is. the moment you've all been waiting for, the 6k words chapter that I COULD have separated into two, but I know y'all are itching to see what happens. have fun with your pain, you fucking masochists.

The next day or two is spent with Katara trying to get Azarin to talk about Zuko, and Azarin ignoring her. She spends some time at the palace helping General Hao with the invasion plan and comes back home to tell it all to Azarin, who never responds to any of it. Katara doesn’t give up, though, and Azarin doesn’t know if he’s grateful for or resents her persistence.

Today, Katara brings him lunch from the palace and they eat in near silence together. After a while, Katara sighs and takes Azarin’s empty plate from him. “We could really use your insight at the palace, Azarin. Do you think you could come back with me later to help General Hao with a final plan?”

Azarin shakes his head, but doesn’t respond. He gulps down the rest of his water and gets up to head back into his bedroom. Katara stops him by taking his wrist into her grip; Azarin looks back at her. “Let go of me.”

“No, Azarin!” She raises her voice, pulling him toward her and narrowing her eyes. “Why won’t you talk to me? I feel like I’m doing this all alone!”

“Because you are,” Azarin responds, his voice low and even.

Katara jerks him down by the arm to be level with her. “I shouldn’t be. You said I was your best friend...why are you shutting me out like this? If you would just talk to me, we could—”

“We could _what,_ Katara?” Azarin’s voice is sharp and venomous. He pulls his arm from Katara’s grip and begins stepping toward her; she steps back. “Talking isn’t going to solve my problems. Talking won’t make Zuko make the right choice, it won’t make Sokka the right one for me, and it won’t give me the courage to tell Zuko how I feel. Talking will only make me feel _worse.”_

“But it won’t! We can figure out a way for you to process all of this so it isn’t eating you alive! You can’t keep sleeping all day and doing nothing but wallowing in your pain!”

Azarin backs Katara into a wall, but she still stands tall, her face one of determination. He leans down and he’s pretty sure he’d be breathing fire from his mouth if there were any firebenders around. “I can do whatever I want, Katara.”

With tears in her eyes, Katara uses all her strength to shove him back from her. “No. You can’t. We still have a responsibility to help stop the war, and now that we’re _so_ close to doing that, you want to give up?” She clenches her fists, shaking her head. “I won’t let you. Get over yourself, Azarin. None of this is about you. Whatever you feel about Zuko or my brother, just...push it down until we can get this all over with. If you don’t want to talk about it, then this is your only option. You are _not_ going to shut down, not if I have anything to do with it.”

“It isn’t even about Zuko or Sokka. What use am I without _bending,_ Katara? Please tell me,” Azarin seethes, fists clenched by his sides. “If we invade on the Day of Black Sun, I won’t have any bending power, either. Did you think about that? Did any of you think about that? I’ll be fucking useless, just like I am now.”

“You _aren’t_ useless, Azarin! God, what did seeing Zuko _do_ to you?!” Katara clutches her head, her voice irritated and frustrated. Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever seen her like this before. “Is Sokka useless? Is Suki useless? People are valuable without bending, Azarin, even you. I’m sorry you were raised to think otherwise, but that _isn’t_ the truth. You don’t even have to have your bending to fight _better_ than my brother can. Not only that, but you help all of us with so much on a daily basis...you made Aang firebend for the first time since he burned me, you keep me company and make me feel like I don’t have to mother everyone constantly, you make Toph feel included when we all seem to forget about her at times, and you made Sokka realize something he never would have admit to himself if you weren’t around! How can you think you’re useless, Azarin? How can you think that with all of us around?”

At this point, Katara’s tears are streaming down her face. It honestly hurts Azarin to see, but he doesn’t let that show. He stares at her with his heart beating hard and his breathing heavy. “Leave me alone. Just...go back to the palace. _Please_ leave me alone until everyone else gets back. I’ll try my best to be normal, then.”

They stare at each other for a few more moments and Azarin feels the need to cry, but he holds it back. He doesn’t like fighting, especially not with Katara -- someone who’s shown him the _most_ understanding and kindness despite everything he’s done, but there’s just something inside him that’s eating at him. He doesn’t know what it is, but he can’t just talk it out and be okay...he knows that much.

“Fine,” Katara says, sternly, after a while. “I’ll bring you food and come to get you when everyone else gets back. I have to get these scrolls to the Earth King, anyway.” She turns to walk out of the house, but stops in the doorway. “Iroh and Zuko have a tea shop in the upper ring. It just opened today. They seemed happy, and carefree. You should go see them...maybe it’ll make you stop being such an ass.”

With that, Katara slams the door shut behind her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As much as he doesn’t want to, Azarin actually takes Katara’s advice. The name of the tea shop gives it away as soon as he sees it; Azarin enters The Jasmine Dragon with a heavy heart, but he’s hoping some good tea will help him feel better.

He sits at a table, hearing Zuko’s and Iroh’s voices go back and forth from the back. The place is extremely busy even for late afternoon, and Azarin almost gets up to leave. He feels stupid for coming here, just like he felt stupid for going to see them at their apartment. He shouldn’t have come.

As soon as he stands, he hears someone in front of him saying his name. He looks up and sees Zuko, with a tray of fresh tea in his hands. His hair is growing down into his face and he has Earth Kingdom robes on along with an apron, but Azarin still thinks he’s as beautiful as ever. “H-Hey…”

The smile that graces Zuko’s face is brighter than Azarin has seen in a _very_ long time. It almost brings tears to his eyes. “It’s really good to see you, Azarin. Let me take this tea to some customers and I’ll come get your order -- on the house, okay?” His voice is calm and soft and different, like he’s grown up in a matter of weeks. Azarin doesn’t know how to handle it because it’s such a stark difference from the Zuko he knows, the Zuko he’s used to. He nods, sitting back down in his chair.

When Zuko comes back, he has a fresh pot of tea and sits across from Azarin, pouring them both a cup. “Uncle made your favorite...green tea and lavender.”

“Thank you, Zuko,” Azarin takes the tea and blows on it to cool it. Zuko’s eyes get wide and he leans forward, lowering his voice.

“Uh...don’t call me that here,” he says, eyes scanning the room for anyone that might have heard. “People here know me as Lee.”

Azarin blinks as Zuko returns to sitting back in his chair. “There are so many names you could have chosen to use...and you chose _Lee?”_

Zuko laughs, loud and bright. It’s unlike anything Azarin has heard before. It makes his heart race instantly. “Yeah...I guess you’re right, huh?” His laugh dissolves into a smile; Zuko reaches across the table and grips Azarin’s hand, which makes Azarin freeze and stare at where their skin is making contact. “I’ve missed you, Azarin. I...I’m sorry things got so messed up, but uncle and I plan to stay here for a long time, if we can. I know you have a lot of stuff going on with the Avatar, but...you’ll come to visit us, right?”

Azarin has no idea how to respond. He has no clue how he even feels about this... _different_ version of Zuko. It’s like Zuko is his old self, no longer burdened by chasing after his honor and trying to please his father. This is the Zuko that Azarin has known was underneath all the pain and anger, the Zuko that Azarin is in love with.

Why doesn’t he know how to react?

“That...sounds nice,” Azarin returns Zuko’s smile and squeezes his hand. His heart calms a little. “I’m glad you’re finally happy, Zu--Lee. You deserve to be happy, you and uncle both.” He still feels like there’s something he’s missing, something he needs to say. He’s just in too much shock to realize what it is.

“We’re really happy. It’s so nice here, and we’re free to do and be whatever we want.” Zuko is still smiling, but he pulls back and sips his tea. He looks a little anxious, and Azarin wonders what Zuko has to be anxious about around him. “Azarin...I really need to apologize to you. I...I’ve said terrible things to you, about your father and your mother, and about you. I need you to know--”

“I know, Zu,” Azarin interrupts. “You were angry and confused and lost. I know you don’t really mean any of it.”

“Lost...yeah, I was pretty lost.”

They sit and drink their tea for a few more minutes. Azarin doesn’t know what else to say, because he still doesn’t know what he expected to get out of coming here. An apology for Zuko being a dick to him isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though.

“Nephew! I need some help in here!” Iroh calls from the kitchen, and Zuko stands up immediately, looking between the kitchen and Azarin for a second or two.

“I need to help uncle…” He starts, then places a hand on Azarin’s shoulder with a warm smile. “Come back tomorrow morning and we can talk some more. It’s pretty slow in the morning. Unless...unless you don’t want to.”

Azarin stands up and wraps his arms around Zuko for the first time since the Northern Water Tribe. It feels strange, but nice. Zuko smells like chamomile. “Of course I want to. There’s so much I need to tell you.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early,” Zuko pulls back for a moment, grinning, then walks away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin takes a nap when he gets back, because Katara is nowhere to be found. He had wanted to apologize to her and tell her she was right, that he feels so much better after going to see Zuko and he’s ready to talk about everything now. But...she’s not there, so Azarin goes to sleep.

When he wakes up, it’s still light outside. Azarin smiles and runs out of his room. “Katara, we should go get something to eat! That place Sokka and I went to was really good...Katara?” Azarin searches the house, finding no one. He shakes his head...Katara had said she would bring him food, right? It’s nearly nightfall and she hasn’t come back. There’s no sign of her anywhere, and no food left for him. He starts to panic just as someone opens the door; it’s Aang, Sokka, Toph and Momo. He looks behind them, but all he sees outside is Appa’s giant furry form. “Where’s Katara?”

“We thought she would be here with you…” Aang says this and turns to Sokka. “Katara _is_ in trouble, I knew it!”

Azarin feels something cold pour down his spine. “She’s...what?”

“When I was at the Eastern Air Temple, I had a vision that Katara was in trouble, so I came back immediately.”

“Wait…” Toph interjects, pointing to the door. “Someone’s at the door. Actually, I know who it is!” She goes to answer the knocks on the door and reveals Iroh on the other side. “It’s an old friend of mine...glad to see you’re okay!”

Aang and Sokka stare at him in the door while Iroh speaks. “I need your help…”

After Toph explains how she knows Iroh outside of being enemies, he comes inside and Azarin immediately wraps his arms around him. “What’s wrong? Where’s Zuko?”

“Princess Azula is here in Ba Sing Se,” Iroh responds, addressing all of them. Azarin clenches his fists, because _of course_ she is. They can’t go even a few weeks without her showing up again to ruin literally everything for them.

Realization hit’s Aang’s expression quickly. “She must have Katara!”

Iroh nods. “She has captured my nephew, as well.”

_“What?”_ Azarin’s hands are on fire. He can feel his anger rising. Right when Zuko has finally made the right choices, Azula is there to pull him back into the darkness of his past. Not if Azarin has anything to do with it. “I’ll rip her heart out. There’s no way in hell I’m letting her get away with hurting Zuko _and_ Katara.”

_“Easy,_ Azarin,” Sokka pulls Azarin back, trying to hold his hand, but it’s still lit on fire. He grips Azarin’s forearm, instead. “I’m all for saving my sister, but you can’t be this upset over Zuko, can you? A few days ago, I watched you have a breakdown over seeing him kiss someone else.”

Iroh steps forward to place a hand on Azarin’s shoulder, gripping it tightly for a moment. “Azarin came to my tea shop earlier today and he and Zuko had a nice talk, one that I’m sure helped both of them.”

Azarin nods, putting out the flames on his hands. He turns to face Sokka. “He’s changed. I saw it. He’s so different that it threw me off completely. He’s _good,_ Sokka. He wants to stay in Ba Sing Se and build a life here...he’s happy.”

“You didn’t... _tell_ him, did you?” Aang questions, but Azarin shakes his head.

“It...didn’t even cross my mind, actually,” he looks to Aang for a moment, then back to Sokka. “I was too shocked at how different he was acting.”

“None of this matters! We aren’t saving Zuko, especially not you, Azarin! Do you not remember all the shit he’s done to you, to _us?_ ” Sokka refuses to give this up, which isn’t surprising at all. “Don’t you remember how it felt to see him kiss that girl? Just because he’s ‘acting different’ doesn’t mean you’re going to walk off into the sunset together!”

Azarin towers over Sokka, shaking his head some more. “What do you care? Suki is here so you can just go back to her and forget you and I ever even happened.”

“They... _happened?”_ Iroh directs the question to Aang, while Azarin and Sokka continue to argue.

“Eh...kinda?” Aang responds, shrugging. “It’s an on and off thing. It started with cactus juice.”

Iroh blinks. “Remind me not to ask again.”

“This isn’t about you and me, Azarin! I’m not jealous, I can care about you as a friend and care about how seeing Zuko affects you, can’t I?” Sokka is poking his finger into Azarin’s chest repeatedly, but Azarin shoves his hand away.

“I saw Zuko today and I’m _just fine,_ Sokka.”

Sokka rolls his eyes. “And what happens when Zuko fucks up again and says something or does something that hurts you? You’ll be right back to sulking in your room all day!”

“That’s _enough!”_ Aang bends a tunnel of air between Sokka and Azarin, making both of them look at him. “None of this matters. Right now we need to rescue Katara, and if Zuko is with her then we have to save him, too. It’s the right thing to do, and you know it is, Sokka. You have to give Azarin the chance to work out his feelings for Zuko now that Zuko isn’t trying to kill us all anymore.”

Sokka goes to protest, but thinks better of it. He remains silent most of the ride to the palace, and doesn’t even look at Azarin or talk to him when he’s barking out orders that he calls a plan. Of course, he makes sure to separate himself from Azarin, sending him with Iroh and Aang while he and Toph go into the palace to save the Earth King. Azarin doesn’t know how he’s fucked up his relationship with both siblings in one day, but he’s starting to hate himself for it.

While Azarin and Iroh light fires in their hands so they can see, Aang uses his earthbending to create more of a tunnel for them to follow beneath the city. They’re all silent for a while, and Iroh is the one to break it.

“So...you and Sokka, hm?” The old man nudges Azarin in the side as they walk. Azarin rolls his eyes.

“It’s nothing. Literally nothing. It’s complicated, and it’s nothing.”

More earthbending, and Aang looks over to smile at him. “I don’t think it’s nothing, Azarin. Sokka is just stubborn.”

“The young Avatar is right,” Iroh nods, with his own smile in tow. “It cannot be nothing, and yet still be complicated.”

Azarin knows Iroh is right, but he of course will never admit that. “Sokka and I can’t happen, because he’ll always choose Suki and I'll always choose Zuko. I’m still in love with Zuko, and I think I always will be. Sokka is...a distraction. A cute, hot, dumb distraction.”

“Were you saying that when you were smooching his mouth?” Aang makes a kissing face toward Azarin before bending more of the tunnel. Azarin shoots a small fireball at him. “Hey!”

Iroh is laughing and it’s a sound that Azarin can’t help but love to hear until his thoughts get to him, and he sighs. “Aang...Katara and I were fighting before she disappeared. She’s the one that suggested I go to see Zuko...I told her to leave me alone and I can’t help but feel like her getting captured is _my_ fault.”

Aang looks a little shocked, but shakes his head. “It isn’t your fault, Azarin. She’s been in the palace consistently, hasn’t she? Azula was probably planning to capture Katara the next time she showed up, anyway. There’s no way we could have known that Azula would show up _inside_ the city.” The Avatar sighs before bending more of the tunnel in front of them. “I’m sorry you guys were fighting. I know it must have hurt the both of you.”

“If she gets hurt, I’ll never forgive myself. The last things I said to her were so awful, Aang. She was only trying to help me…” Azarin feels tears spilling from his eyes, but he wipes them away with his free hand. “And now Sokka won’t even speak to me. Seeing Zuko really does fuck up _everything_ for me.”

At this, Iroh touches Azarin’s arm gently. “Sometimes, Azarin, life is like this dark tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving…” They stop, and Aang pushes more rock forward, revealing bright, glowing crystals around a vast cavern. Iroh turns to face Azarin. “...you will come to a better place.”

With all three of them smiling, they work their way around the cavern walls to the talking they hear deep within them. Aang breaks open the wall with earthbending and there’s Katara and Zuko, together. Katara runs to Aang and Iroh runs to Zuko. Azarin is left standing there, unsure of what to do.

“Go with your friends, Azarin,” Iroh says this after Aang and Katara have left to head back to the tunnel. Azarin looks at Zuko, who remains silent. “I need to have a talk with my nephew. We will catch up with you.”

Azarin isn’t going to argue, not when he isn’t even sure of what he wants right now. He goes back into the cavern and catches up with Aang and Katara quickly. He pulls Katara into a tight embrace, deciding that apologizing to her is something he’s sure that he wants to do. “I’m so sorry for how I was acting, Katara. You were only trying to help me, and I shut you out. I’m sorry…”

She pulls back and smiles up at him. “It’s okay, Azarin. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

Relief washes over him as he looks into Katara’s eyes, but it’s short lived. Blue fire separates them, and they begin a three on one assault against Azula.

Just when they think they have her pinned, someone shoots fire toward them, and it isn’t Azarin. They look over and see Zuko, hands up to attack. He looks between all of them and Azarin knows he feels the same way Azarin did at the North Pole...the waves roughly pushing him up on the shore to a new beginning and the tide pulling him back in to drown in his past. His heart is beating heavily, because he knows Zuko has changed now. He knows Zuko will make the right choice...he’s seen the change within him just earlier that day. Zuko will do the right thing.

Zuko attacks Aang.

Azarin doesn’t have time to worry about the way his heart sinks into his stomach. He jumps into an attack toward both Zuko and Azula, dissipating the Fire Princess’ attack at Katara. He turns his attention to Zuko, who builds a giant attack toward Aang, and surrounds himself with a ring of fire then kicks as well as punches fireballs out of it toward Zuko, until it’s gone. Zuko drops to the ground and Azarin knows Aang can handle him from here. He jumps over the pool of water separating him from Azula and Katara.

“Azula,” he whispers under his breath just before taking off after the girl. He can hear Katara and Aang both behind him, screaming at him to stop, that this is what Azula wants — to separate them and take them down one by one. Azarin knows. He knows how Azula’s mind works. He also knows that he’s so angry, he can beat her.

“Come get me, ZaZa!” Azula calls to him, and the sound of it reminds Azarin of all the nightmares he’s had where she’s in the darkness, mocking him. He runs faster.

They’re constantly sending fire each other’s way; Azula’s blue and Azarin’s red. When she reaches the wall, hundreds of feet away from Aang, Katara, and Zuko, she runs halfway up the stone only to flip backwards and attack Azarin from above. He counters it then turns to face her before she can attack again.

“Look at you, you’re trying _so_ hard to keep up with me, Azarin,” Azula has stopped but never leaves her offensive stance, eyes sharply trained on Azarin. “You’ll never be able to match up to a _real_ bender.”

Azarin drops his hands for only a split moment, eyes wide in shock, but it was all Azula needed to strike. He barely dodges it. _This is what she wants_ , he thinks to himself, _don’t let her get under your skin._ “Why am I not surprised that the family snitch has information on me that no one else does? Oh well.” Azarin clenches his fists and sends a large stream of fire toward Azula, which she swiftly avoids and counters with her own. He strikes again and again, careful not to put too much of his energy into it. He refuses to let Azula exhaust him, he refuses to let her win, especially after what she’s done to Zuko now.

Azula leaps onto a rock and leans back on the stone wall behind her, seemingly unbothered, but Azarin knows better. “Yes, I know you and your father are frauds. It’s too bad the Fire Lord didn’t find out until after Zhao was dead...I’m sure he would have _loved_ to kill you both for trying to manipulate him.”

“I didn’t do _anything_ to Ozai,” Azarin responds, fiercely. “I didn’t even know until I wasn’t around firebenders anymore.”

Azula shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. He’s going to kill you anyway.” Jumping down, she resumes her attacks.

Azarin smiles.

He deflects her attacks enough to get close to her, right in her face. “So you admit that _you_ can’t kill me? I expected more from the Fire Lord’s prodigal daughter.”

Letting out the most blood-curdling scream Azarin has ever heard, Azula shoves him away and amps up the heat. Over and over she strikes against him but he deflects or avoids them all. The more she misses, the more angry she seems. Azarin can’t help the satisfied grin he has on his face; he has truly missed getting under Azula’s skin.

Once again, they’re face to face, forearms pressed against each other as they both use all of their strength to try and shove the other down with fire spilling from their every limb. Azarin can feel the sweat dripping from his chin at the effort he’s putting in, but he doesn’t lose focus. Black eyes locked with Azula’s, he lights his feet on fire and prepares to kick her back into the wall, but something happens that Azarin _really_ does not see coming.

Azula kisses him.

She drops her arms around Azarin’s shoulders and puts all her weight into kissing him. He’s so completely and utterly shocked that he doesn’t even close his eyes, he doesn’t move, his arms are still held above his head and his feet are still flaming.

When the shock starts to wear off, he feels it. The shame, the _wrongness_ of it all. This isn’t right. It was never right. Azarin is tired of it, he’s tired of hiding who he is and he’s tired of being kissed by _girls_ who think they know him. They don’t.

Azarin gathers himself enough to put all his strength into shoving Azula off of him. His hands are in flames, fire spitting from his mouth when he speaks. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing, Azula?!”

“Think about it, Azarin. You’re a _far_ better bender than my brother is or ever was…” Azula steps toward Azarin again, and he takes just as many steps back from her. “You could be Fire Lord if we’re together, you’ll never have to lose your bending again! We could take over the world, we could _rule_ the world together! Even if you don’t like me now, I know you’ll make the right decision.” She sounds so sure of herself, and Azarin feels sick.

He can feel himself begin to shake with anger. He is absolutely _tired_ of everything being political, everything being for power. His entire life was built around his father gaining power, his mother _died_ because she refused to give up her son for politics, Zuko has been obsessed with gaining his place back as the Fire Nation Crowned Prince and it’s torn them apart. Azarin’s life completely shattered because these people think about nothing but _power and politics_. He’ll show them power.

“You listen to me and you listen _well_ ,” Azarin starts advancing toward Azula despite having been backing away from her just moments before. He stops just before her back hits the wall; he wants to smack the knowing smirk off her face. “I don’t care about taking over the world, I don’t care about the Fire Nation, and I don’t care about _you_.”

“You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about how _well_ I’ve grown up, Azarin.”

Azarin shouts in frustration, more fire spilling from his mouth. He can hear Aang calling to him, but ignores the Avatar. “Don’t you get it, Azula?!” His voice is almost pleading, even if he’s nearly bursting into flames, and screaming as loud as possible. “It’s not you, it’s _never_ been you! It’s him, it’s always him, it _always will be_ him!”

“Azarin, no, _stop_!” Katara shouts, from her place surrounded by Dai Lee agents. “Don’t do this, not here!”

Azarin ignores her too, feeling like he might combust when he hears Azula laughing. “ _The Avatar_? Isn’t he a little too—”

“ **_ZUKO_ ** , YOU IDIOT!” Azarin screams in her face, absolutely filled to the brim with rage. “It’s _always_ been Zuko! Are you _this_ blind?! I have been in love with Zuko since we were _children_ , Azula!”

He really hasn’t realized just how loud he’s being until now. Azula’s eyes are filled with shock, along with tears, for what feels like the first time Azarin has ever seen. It lasts for a split second and he can see the shift in her almost immediately, but he’s too slow. She rears her leg back and knees him in the side, effectively incapacitating him if only for a few moments. Azarin falls to the ground and she has the window she needs; Azarin knows he’s going to die. He looks to where Aang and Katara had been fighting Zuko, but neither Aang nor Zuko is there.

Bright light comes from beside him. Azarin looks over and sees Zuko standing above him, between him and Azula, red fire coming from his fists and blocking Azula’s attack from hitting Azarin. He can’t believe what he’s seeing so much that he just stays on the ground, staring, even as Zuko is looking over his shoulder, yelling at Azarin to get up.

“Go, Azarin! Go before I change my mind and let her kill you!”

Azarin doesn’t think before he moves. He uses all the strength in his legs to leap, flipping his entire body in the air directly next to Zuko. He’s completely upside down when he presses his lips to the side of Zuko’s head, leaving them there for as long as he can before his feet touch the ground again. The look on Zuko’s face makes Azarin want to kiss him more, hug him, hold him, but this isn’t the time, nor the place. When Azarin lands, he scans the area for Aang again only to find the boy floating in the air, tattoos and eyes glowing white. He smiles to himself as he begins running.

“ _What_ is wrong with you? I thought you chose properly already!” He can hear Azula snapping at Zuko behind him.

“I did. Kill the rest of them, but you’re _not_ hurting Azarin,” Zuko responds, which has Azarin almost in tears as he runs. “We owe him that much.”

“I don’t owe him _anything_!”

He leaps back over the pool of water separating him from Katara just in time to hear the crackling sound of lightning, and Zuko shouting in protest. When Azarin looks behind him, Zuko is holding Azula’s arm in what looks like a different direction than she had aimed it at first. Azula aimed at Azarin, but Zuko had stopped her.

The only issue with that is her lightning had struck Aang directly in the back.

The Avatar is falling at an alarming rate and Azarin tries to rush to him, but Katara gets to him first. She bends a great wave to catch him as she runs to him and it engulfs them both, only to dissipate and show Aang, unconscious, in Katara’s arms.

Zuko and Azula both start walking toward them, but Azarin stands between them and bends a long stream of fire toward them to keep them away. “Katara, get Aang out of here!”

“But—”

“Katara, _GO_!”

Just as Zuko gets into his attacking stance, a large wall of fire comes between him, Azarin and Azula. Azarin looks over and sees the attack came from Iroh. “You’ve _got_ to get out of here, I’ll hold them off as long as I can!”

“Uncle—” Azarin starts, but Iroh bends fire in his direction and he steps back. “Iroh, _please_ , no…”

“Go with your friends, Azarin. Take care of the Avatar. I will deal with my niece and nephew.”

Azarin stares, tears pouring from his eyes. Iroh will either die or be sent to prison if he does this, and Azarin _isn’t_ okay with either. “No. I’m not leaving you.”

“Azarin, _we have to leave_ , please let’s just go…” Katara’s hand is on his arm as she holds Aang, pulling Azarin toward her.

Azarin stays rooted in his spot until he absolutely can’t anymore. He takes one last look at Zuko, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of him, and follows Katara to the waterfall. He wraps his arms around her and Aang both as she propels them all up with her bending to outside where Appa is waiting. It hasn’t settled with him that Aang is _badly_ hurt until Katara takes the stopper out of her vial of Spirit Water. It circles her hand and glows; she pulls Aang up gently and presses her hand to the lightning wound. When Aang’s eyes glow once more, they all sigh a bit of relief.

Katara looks at Azarin through her tears, after Aang has passed out once more. “You shouldn’t have done that, Azarin.”

He places a hand on Aang’s head, attempting to draw any form of comfort from the fact that he isn’t dead. His heart is still beating wildly from the adrenaline pumping through his body. “What other choice did I have? Did you not see Azula _kissing_ me?”

“Wait, _wait_ _!”_ Sokka chimes in, while they fly over the low-lit city. “Azula _kissed_ you?! What else did we miss?”

“Azarin screamed to the whole world that he’s in love with Zuko, putting not only us in danger but Zuko too.” Katara doesn’t break eye contact with Azarin while she speaks. “I tried to give him a chance in there. I _tried_ , Azarin. I wanted to see what you see in him, and I did for the smallest of moments, but then he chose to turn against us and his own uncle. When it mattered most, he chose wrong.” She reaches out and places a hand on top of his. “He isn’t good, Azarin...he never will be. You need to learn to let him go, but now even if you do, they’ll probably still use him against us because you couldn’t keep it to yourself. What if Azula had hurt _Zuko_ in there? What would you have done?”

Azarin doesn’t even have it in him anymore to be angry. He just pulls his hand back and turns away from her, choosing to stare at the way the wind is moving through Toph’s hair instead. “I’ve kept it to myself for eight years. I deserve to let it out.” He can’t stop the tears from flowing down his face; he’s too exhausted. “And Zuko _did_ make the right choice. He protected me. He let me go. Now more than ever, I believe he has good in him, even if the situation is complicated right now. He’ll go back with Azula to his father and realize he isn’t satisfied. He’ll feel the emptiness of me and Iroh not being there, of him not having any support or anyone to lean on. He’ll be alone, and he’ll make the right choice in the end. You’ll see.”

“I don’t think we have the time to wait for Zuko to make the right choice anymore, Azarin,” Toph chimes in, somehow looking directly at him. “We lost. He’s going back to his prince life and we’re out of options for now. Maybe Katara is right.”

The burning pain in his chest tells him that he should just shut up for now. Even if he doesn’t agree, he knows he can’t change their minds at the moment. Zuko _had_ made a wrong choice today, but he also made the right one. Azarin knows Zuko better than anyone; he knows Zuko will come around, even if it takes a long time. He’ll still come around.

Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the stress this chapter gave me was astronomical. i need a break from these two. someone help me


	32. the aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: gasoline - troye sivan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Sometimes, Zuko’s dreams consist of Azarin.

The way Azarin looks at him in his dreams is a far cry from the way he looked in Ba Sing Se. There’s no betrayal, no hurt, no unending pain or suffering. There’s warmth and happiness in his eyes, in his touch. There is only love, love that Zuko doesn’t deserve. Love that Zuko hasn’t earned, but love that’s been there their whole lives. It’s love that he’s overlooked for eight years and he doesn’t want it to go away, but he knows it has. He pushed it away with the choices he’s made, and he now has to live with that.

Zuko feels alone...more alone than he ever has. The loneliness he felt while searching for the Avatar pales in comparison to this. He guesses in the back of his mind, then, he knew he wasn't alone. He had his uncle and he had Azarin. Now he has neither.

It takes him days to not just walk past Azarin’s old room in the palace. When he finally gets the courage to enter it, he doesn’t know why he expected it to have changed. It’s exactly the same as it was three years ago when they left, just with layers of dust coating everything. Zuko looks in the wardrobe and finds Azarin’s old clothes, that wouldn’t even begin to fit him now. Azarin is so tall and muscular now, his fourteen year old clothes would seem like toddler robes on him. Zuko smiles.

He’s reminded of a dream he had the night before, where he and Azarin were shopping for clothes in Ba Sing Se. Azarin had said that green actually suits Zuko, but Zuko thought it was actually Azarin that looks good in green. They argued over it for a little while, and Zuko had woken up feeling happy. It faded quickly when he realized where he was.

“You better not let Azula catch you in here,” Mai’s indifferent voice comes from the doorway, and Zuko quickly shuts the wardrobe in front of him, turning to face her.

“Is it a crime to miss my friend now?” He asks, voice a little sharp.

Mai shrugs. “To Azula? Probably. Especially when that  _ friend _ rejected her to say he’s in love with you.”

Zuko rolls his eyes as Mai steps toward him. “I can’t control what he does or says.” He pulls Mai to him, smiling even though he doesn’t feel like it’s genuine at the moment. “I’m here, aren’t I? I chose the right path.”

“You sound like you’re telling yourself that.” Leaning up a little, Mai presses their lips together softly. When she pulls back, she lets out a sigh as she looks around the room. “Come on, let’s get out of here. This room is depressing.”

Nodding, Zuko follows as Mai pulls him out of the room. His eyes stay glued to the bracelet around his wrist the whole time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Has he eaten anything today?”

“I’m not sure. I left some rice for him earlier, but I don’t know if he--”

“I can hear you,” Azarin interrupts Sokka and Katara’s conversation, putting down his book and moving to the door of his quarters to open it swiftly. “I ate the rice, Katara. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you guys  _ I’m fine _ before you believe it.”

Katara places a hand on his shoulder, smiling softly up at him. “We just don’t want you to be upset about Zuko...we’re worried about you. You’ve been acting completely normal since we left Ba Sing Se.”

Azarin rolls his eyes, stepping out of his room. “Because I  _ am _ normal, Katara. I’m not upset about what happened, I’m actually  _ relieved.” _ He turns his attention toward Sokka, raising a brow at him. “Haven’t you told her any of this?”

“Yes! I have! But she insists that you have to be upset about something!” Sokka exclaims this with his arms flailing around him. “I keep telling her that you’re completely normal, but she doesn’t believe me.”

Katara elbows Sokka in the side, narrowing her eyes at him. “Why would I believe anything from  _ you _ when you two do nothing but suck each other’s faces off? When would you even have time to talk about it?”

“Katara,” Azarin takes her by the shoulders, turning her to face him. He tries to convey in his eyes just how serious he is.  _ “I am fine. _ The only thing I’m ever upset about is Aang not waking up. I promise.”

She looks him over for a moment or two, then takes his hands from her shoulders and steps back from him. “If you’re fine, then you should spend more time with someone other than Sokka. We’re all worried about you, and you haven’t even met our dad or Bato yet.”

“Yeah...they’re starting to think we made up our firebender friend,” Sokka looks a little anxious, but shrugs. “I’ve been relaying the information you’ve given me about the eclipse procedures you’ve been through in the Fire Nation, but I’m not sure I tell it the way you do…”

Irritated, Azarin starts pushing both of them toward the staircase that leads down to the deck of the ship. “Alright, let's go. If I meet them will you guys leave me alone so I can read?”

“Uh...no,” Sokka responds, grinning. “Can I  _ read _ with you?”

“Ugh, can you guys  _ not?!” _ Katara makes a disgusted face and Azarin laughs. Once they’re at the bottom of the stairs, they step outside and Azarin is met with two men, clearly from the Water Tribe even though they’re in Fire Nation clothing. They’re both...insanely attractive, Azarin thinks, but one of them is Sokka and Katara’s father. He can’t let himself have those kinds of thoughts.

“Dad, Bato, we’d like you to meet Azarin,” Sokka pulls Azarin in front of him, patting him on the back. “We persuaded him to finally come out of his hole.”

“It’s great to officially meet you, son!” One of them reaches out his hand and Azarin shakes it. “I’m Hakoda, Sokka and Katara’s father. And this is Bato, my second in command.”

While Azarin blinks up at Hakoda’s sharp features, Bato steps forward, bowing to Azarin. “Watching you single handedly take down the entire crew of this ship was...exhilarating. You have to give us a few battle lessons, if you’re ever up for it.”

“Uh...sure?” Azarin looks to Bato and nods. “I couldn’t have done it without Sokka’s help, though.”

“Yeah! I’m basically Azarin’s second in command,” Sokka says, then makes a face. “Did I just...demote myself?”

At this, Azarin laughs and drapes an arm around Sokka’s shoulders. “You’re definitely below me.” He’s grinning wide until Sokka shoves his elbow into Azarin’s ribs. “Sorry, I had to.”

Not shocking at all, Hakoda acts like he didn’t just hear that. “Sokka and Katara have told us so much about you, Azarin. You really are a great addition to their team, even if we couldn’t believe they were trusting someone from the Fire Nation at first.”

“You did more than not believe it, dad,” Katara’s tone is frustrated when she speaks. “You wanted us to leave him at Chameleon Bay even after I told you he’s done nothing to us but prove that we can trust him. You wanted me to leave my best friend behind.”

Hakoda looks a little shocked. “Katara, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve apologized for that…”

“Lighten up, Katara,” Sokka interjects, shrugging. “Did you really expect dad to trust someone from the Fire Nation immediately?”

Stepping forward and glaring at her father, Katara clenches her fists. “He should have trusted what his children were telling him.”

“Katara, calm down,” Azarin lets go of Sokka and pulls Katara back by her hand. “Your dad had every right not to trust me. Did you forget what the Fire Nation did to your village? Your mother? Just because I don’t represent that anymore doesn’t mean that pain isn’t still there when someone hears where I’m from, or sees me use my bending.”

Katara doesn’t respond. She leaves, going back upstairs, and they all stare at each other for a few moments until Sokka breaks the silence. “Girls...am I right?”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “You’re one to talk about  _ girls, _ Sokka.”

“Ah, yes,” Hakoda says, smiling like he  _ knows _ something, and Azarin would think it’s attractive if it isn’t for what he says next. “Sokka isn’t interested in them at the moment,  _ is he, _ Azarin?”

The feeling that envelopes Azarin is the most uncomfortable he thinks he’s ever been in his life. “I...uh...um…”

Bato and Hakoda laugh, and Sokka looks like he might be turning into a tomato. “Dad,  _ seriously?! _ I told you not to bring it up when you meet him!”

Hakoda shakes his head, patting his son on the shoulder. “You know I couldn’t resist, Sokka. It’s not like you’re getting married, you’re just having some fun while you’re young.”

“Yeah, do you think your dad and I haven’t--” Bato starts, but Sokka steps forward and waves his hands around in the air with his face as red as it can possibly be.

“Okay, okay, you’ve both met Azarin, and now this meeting is  _ over!” _ Sokka takes a wide-eyed Azarin by the arm and starts pulling him back toward the stairs. “We can do some training later, if the two of you can behave yourselves!”

Azarin is too shocked to even realize where they’re going. They end up in Azarin’s room, sitting on the cot next to each other while Sokka tries to calm himself down. Azarin looks over at him, mouth open for a moment before he speaks. “Your dad...Bato…”

“Azarin, do  _ not--” _

“How can I not?! I’ve lived my whole life thinking I’m some sort of freak of nature until I meet you and apparently _your_ _dad!”_ Azarin smiles to himself. “Well, there was that one boy when I was thirteen…”

At this, Sokka perks up. “What boy? Zuko?”

“No, idiot,” Azarin shakes his head. “This was just a boy I met while I was on vacation with Zuko’s family. His name was Ru...he was my first kiss.”

Sokka’s eyes turn downcast when he hears this. “I thought I was your first kiss…” He slumps forward, elbows on his knees and hands holding his head and Azarin thinks he’s the cutest thing.

He pulls Sokka up by the back of his shirt, making him look at him. “If my first kiss was wasted on a cactus juice kiss, I’d be extremely upset.”

_ “Wasted?! _ How dare y--” Sokka tries to be upset, but Azarin just kisses him to shut him up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You know, you couldn’t  _ be _ more obvious.”

Zuko turns from the door to Azarin’s room at the sound of Azula’s voice. He starts to panic; she could kill him immediately if she wants to. “Uh...what do you mean?”

Rolling her eyes, Azula steps toward him, circling him like a vulture. Zuko tenses, unable to stop it. “Why don’t you just go in? It hasn’t changed at all. Father refused to acknowledge Azarin’s existence after the two of you left, until he learned what Azarin really was, of course.”

This is  _ always _ the game Azula plays:  _ I know something you don’t know. _ She hasn’t changed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Azula. It’s just a bedroom.”

“Is it?” Azula stops directly in front of Zuko, tapping her chin with a finger. “If it were just a bedroom, then you wouldn’t be standing outside of it staring at the door. You’re  _ so _ predictable, ZuZu.”

Zuko’s hands curl into fists. “How?”

Azula rolls her eyes dramatically. “Azarin decided to shout to the world that he's been in love with you our whole lives and now you don’t know how you feel. On one hand, he was your best friend for eight years and remained loyal to you even in the face of banishment. On the other, he betrayed you and the Fire Nation to join the Avatar’s band of misfits.” She pauses, grinning like the devil she is. “This isn’t, of course, accounting for the outrageous sentiment of you possibly liking boys, because  _ poor Mai _ would just be crushed if you decided you didn’t care about her anymore.”

“That isn’t going to happen,” Zuko counters, immediately. “Mai is the  _ only _ person I care about.”

Tilting her head to the side, Azula begins backing away. “Then why are you standing at the traitor’s door?” When Zuko doesn’t respond, she turns around completely and waves her hand behind her. “Don’t let father catch you is all I have to say. He may burn your other eye, too.”

Zuko sends flames toward her, but she’s already around the corner of the corridor.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin has Sokka with his back against the wall of the hallway, their mouths attached to each other like they’d both crumble if they pulled apart. Sokka’s hands are gripping into Azarin’s hair harshly while Azarin’s roam up and down Sokka’s bare chest and abdomen.

They’ve been at this off and on all day while the ship heads west, because it’s been raining for hours and no one can go onto the deck without getting drenched. Sokka and Azarin were on their way to get some food when Sokka decided to challenge Azarin, and that isn’t something Azarin takes lightly. Not from Sokka, at least.

“Ack! Are you two making out in the  _ hallway?!” _ Toph’s voice breaks them apart, Sokka shoving Azarin straight into the wall on the other side of the hall. “Can you guys stop being so disgusting?”

Azarin groans from the pain in his back, but nods in Toph’s direction. “Uh...sorry, Toph. We were gonna get something to eat...you wanna come?”

“And you decided to eat each other’s faces instead?”

“Basically, yeah,” Sokka adds. Azarin shoots a small flame his way and he jumps to the side, glaring at the other as they start to follow Toph to the dining room. “Sometimes I regret keeping that firebender locked in the cell of the ship just so you can use your bending.”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “So you’d rather get stopped by other Fire Nation ships and  _ not _ have a firebender around to convince them we’re legit?”

“I’m saying eventually, you’re going to burn the inside of my mouth from how much you breathe fire.”

Suddenly, they both fall down. Toph had bent the metal below them and caused them to trip. “I’m gonna wrap you both in metal cages if you don’t shut up.”

Sokka, trying his best to stand up again, sighs. “And you! Metalbending is cool and all, but one day you’re gonna stab one of us in the gut with it!”

“You’ll be lucky if that’s  _ all _ I do, Sokka,” Toph smiles as they reach the dining room, where Katara is placing fresh bowls of soup and rice in front of Bato and Hakoda. She smiles when she sees Azarin, running to him and wrapping her arms around him tightly.

“You’re eating with us?!”

Azarin laughs and holds her close to him. “Sokka convinced me to socialize.”

She nods, pointing to the large pot of soup in the corner of the room. “Can you heat that up? It’s pretty cold from sitting here waiting on everyone…”

“Hey, not my fault fire feet and your brother can’t ever stop kissing long enough to do anything else,” Toph sits down as she speaks and Azarin knows better than to mouth off to her, this time.

He moves to the pot of soup and grips each side of it, heating his hands as quickly as possible, until the liquid inside of it is steaming and boiling. It smells  _ so good _ and Azarin wonders why they never had things like this to eat in the Fire Nation.

When they’re all sitting down and eating, Hakoda decides to ask Azarin about the Fire Nation, but not in the way everyone else expects. He asks about customs and the Royal Palace, and about Azarin’s mother and being a spellbender. Azarin doesn’t mind talking about himself at all, though.

“If you address the Fire Lord as anything but that, you could be thrown in prison,” Azarin sips his water before continuing. “Family members are exempt if not in the presence of someone  _ not _ in the Royal Family. Basically, if I ever spoke to or about Azulon or Ozai, I had to address them as Fire Lord. I don’t even think I ever heard Azula call Azulon by his name...it was always grandfather or Fire Lord.”

Hakoda thinks on this for a moment. “And even though Fire Lord Azulon wiped out all spellbenders decades ago, you somehow slipped through his fingers, as did your father. Incredible…”

Azarin nods, but shrugs. “Ursa and my mother kept that secret so well that even I didn’t know about it or suspect anything until I was away from firebenders. There was no way he could have known, and what’s ironic is he’s the one that insisted Ozai and Ursa treat me as their own.”

“Oh man, you gotta love some good karma,” Sokka is laughing, which makes Azarin smile.

“And the prince? Does he know?” Bato questions. Azarin swallows his food harshly.

“I would assume he knows by now, considering Azula does.”

“What do you think he would say? Does he hate you now because of it?”

Azarin stares at Bato, blinking. He doesn’t even know how to respond. He hasn’t been thinking about Zuko much at all, since he has Sokka to distract him, but this is a good question. What  _ does _ Zuko think about him being a spellbender? Would he not care? Would he hate Azarin? Does Zuko even think about him at all anymore?

“I think it’s best if we... _ don’t _ talk about Zuko,” Katara says this when she notices how hard Azarin is thinking. Azarin nods, but doesn’t say anything else.

After dinner, Katara follows Azarin and Sokka down the hallway. Azarin almost doesn’t notice her until she stares at them as they stop in front of Azarin’s room. “Do you need something, Katara?”

She ignores him, eyes on her brother. “Can I have Azarin for once? You take up all his time, Sokka.”

Surprisingly, Sokka agrees. “Yeah, sure. My mouth is sore, anyway.” He leans up and kisses Azarin’s cheek, then starts to walk down the hall. “See you in the morning, hot stuff.”

Once inside Azarin’s room, Katara sits in a chair across from where he sits on his cot. She looks nervous. “So…”

For some reason, Azarin feels everything crash into him, all at once. The way Zuko was acting at the tea shop, Zuko kissing that girl, Zuko choosing his honor over his uncle...Zuko choosing his honor over Azarin. Over Azarin’s love. The way Zuko still protected Azarin and kept Azula from hurting him, from killing him. That has to mean  _ something, _ Azarin is so sure of it, but the rest of it just hurts too much to ignore.

“Why did he leave?” Azarin whispers, as low as possible, but it’s so quiet in the room that Katara hears him perfectly.

“I don’t know, Azarin. I wish I could tell you...I wish I had answers for you.”

Looking up at her with tears flowing down his cheeks, Azarin shakes his head. “I...I don’t know what to feel, Katara. He saved me...he protected me because of my love for him. But then he left.”

Katara wipes away a tear of her own. “I know, Azarin.” She gets up from her chair and sits next to him, holding him in her arms and leaning her head on his shoulder while he cries silently. Her voice is comforting, but not enough to stop his tears. “I know it has to be confusing. I know it has to hurt.”

“He saved my life…” Azarin sobs, hands shooting up to grip Katara’s arm tightly. “Why did he leave?”


	33. the fire nation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: palace - sam smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episodes one and two: the awakening / the headband
> 
> tw: vague mentions of a prostitute??? you'll see.
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Staying on the offense is crucial when fighting firebenders,” Azarin has his hands up, Hakoda, Bato, Sokka, Katara, and Toph circling him. The men have their weapons up, while Katara’s bending water is wrapped around her hands, formed into whips. “They don’t even know what defense is, because they never need it. Fear is their most used tactic; use it against them. Katara,” his eyes move to her. “Attack.”

Immediately, she draws back her hand and sends the water flying toward Azarin. He raises his hands and creates an umbrella of fire above him as he separates them and brings them back down to his sides. Some of Katara’s water dissipates into steam and he uses the moments she spends gathering more water to send a fireball her way that  _ almost _ hits her, but Sokka uses his boomerang to break it.

Sokka attacks next, in his usual way of shouting and running toward Azarin, who roots himself to the ground and shoots repeated streams of fire toward him. Sokka avoids the attacks well, but when he reaches Azarin he’s taken down almost immediately, because Azarin slashes fire toward his neck and the Water Tribe boy trips backward to avoid it. Azarin shoots fire next to his head, which makes Sokka’s eyes widen as Azarin stands over him.

“You could have burned me!”

_ “That’s the point, _ twerp,” Azarin responds, then helps him up, smiling and pressing a soft kiss to Sokka’s cheek. “If you were fighting someone else, you’d be dead.” Azarin looks up to Hakoda and Bato as Sokka goes back to stand next to Katara. “Sokka’s mistake was that he got too close. A firebender will not hesitate to burn you if you’re too close, but they also stand an advantage if you’re too far away...like so,” Azarin quickly spins himself into a kick where flames spill from his feet toward Bato. The man jumps to the side to narrowly avoid it.

Hakoda steps forward, sword drawn. “Not too close, but not too far...got it.”

Azarin is a little nervous about fighting Sokka and Katara’s father, mainly because if he hurts the man he’ll never forgive himself. He knows what he’s capable of; if he can successfully incapacitate several Fire Nation troops on multiple occasions, he’ll be able to take down a single Water Tribe Chieftain...right?

Hakoda attacks by sending a group of small razors his way and Azarin is reminded of Mai, but shakes the thought from his head immediately. Ducking to avoid them gives Hakoda a chance to get closer and he starts slashing his sword toward Azarin. It’s longer than Sokka’s, which keeps Hakoda at a safe distance while also being able to fight properly. Azarin takes note of Hakoda’s form while dodging attacks, and when he thinks he’ll be able to counter without getting cut or stabbed, he jumps over Hakoda’s sword and punches a few fireballs his way.

“Yeah! Give him the flamethrower!” Sokka cheers from the sidelines. Azarin barely glances in his direction with a grin before Katara slaps her brother with a whip.

“You do remember he’s fighting  _ dad, _ right?”

“I’m rooting for both of them,” Sokka says, shrugging. “Slash his Fire Nation face off, dad!” Azarin tries not to listen, because Sokka is just  _ so stupid _ that it’s funny sometimes.

Hakoda is a great warrior, Azarin thinks. He shows no fear and faces Azarin’s flames head on, even when they’re so close to him that they singe his hair a little. Azarin meets the flat side of Hakoda’s blade with his flaming foot; the metal heats with each passing second until Hakoda can’t hold it anymore, even at the insulated hilt. He drops the weapon and Azarin pushes a stream of fire from his hands, causing Hakoda to back up, but he doesn’t back down like Sokka had. He stands his ground, avoiding attack after attack even with Azarin at a dangerously close range. Azarin is too distracted by figuring out what method of attack to use next to notice Hakoda’s leg sliding underneath him, making Azarin trip and fall onto his back.

Hakoda leans down over Azarin wielding a smaller, sharper, hidden knife and holding it to Azarin’s throat. Azarin’s eyes are wide for just a moment before he smiles, and Hakoda helps him to his feet so Azarin can give him a deep bow. “I think you’ll do just fine when we invade, Chief Hakoda.”

“Did you see that, Katara?! Dad took down  _ Azarin! _ I don’t think I’ve ever seen Azarin go down in a fight!” Sokka runs to them and wraps his arms around his father, who laughs a little.

“He puts up a good fight, son,” Hakoda responds, then looks to Azarin. “Thank you for helping us train, Azarin. I know you’re going through a lot at the moment and it means so much to get insider help.”

Bowing again, Azarin pulls Sokka to his side and drapes an arm over the other’s shoulders. “Whatever you need, I’m here. I’m pretty sure I could even pull the ‘I’m an Admiral’s son’ card a few more times and trick some people into giving us information, if necessary.”

Sokka reaches up to thread his fingers in Azarin’s hand over his shoulder. The feeling is a little foreign, but Azarin enjoys it nonetheless.  _ “Only _ if necessary. Bringing up Zhao isn’t something I wanna do unless it’s vital, Rin.”

Azarin feels like the world comes to a complete halt around him. He blinks a few times in a futile attempt to bring himself back to the present, but he can hear the others’ voices and can’t understand what they’re saying. His arm falls from Sokka’s shoulders slowly and he steps back, legs weak underneath him. He can’t believe hearing a simple name is making him react like this, but he isn’t surprised. Anything that reminds him of Zuko does this to him, lately.

“Don’t call me that,” Azarin whispers, looking at Sokka intently. He looks concerned, reaching out to touch Azarin’s arm, but Azarin pulls back quickly, trying to calm his racing heart. “Did you hear me?”

Sokka shakes his head and Katara appears next to him. “Call you  _ what? _ What did I call you?”

Azarin takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and when he does he’s spilling flames from his mouth. This uncomfortable feeling inside him is slowly turning to rage, and he doesn’t want it to. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. “Rin,” he repeats, as his hands curl into fists, nails digging into his palms harshly. “Do not call me Rin.”

“Azarin, why? What did Sokka do?” Katara questions with her eyes filled with worry, but Azarin shakes his head.

He steps back and slashes fire in their direction to keep them away from him. He can finally feel his anger spilling over, unfortunately. “It’s what Zuko has called me for eight fucking years, okay?  _ That’s _ why, so just don’t  _ ever _ say it again.”

Before Azarin can storm past them toward his room, he hears the sound of metal being crushed. He turns and tries to send a fireball toward Toph, but she covers his hands with metal before he’s able to. He glares at her, and she shrugs. “Sorry, fire feet, but when you get emotional you run the risk of burning people. I’ll take them off when you calm down.”

_ Fire feet. _

Azarin lifts his foot to attack again, but Toph is of course, quicker. She bends the metal of the ship onto both of his feet, putting out the flames and forcing him down to sit on the deck, hands and feet bound. He huffs out a frustrated breath. “Am I a prisoner now?”

“No, but we aren’t used to being around you with your bending unless we’re fighting other people,” Katara stands over him, a somewhat refreshing change of pace from Azarin constantly towering over everyone. “You need to calm down so no one gets accidentally hurt, like Toph said.”

Shaking his head, Azarin looks away from her. “I’m not going to hurt anyone,” he says this while also remembering the vivid red of Zuko’s blood dripping onto the floor after Azarin had, in fact, hurt him because he was emotional. “I just don’t want anyone calling me that anymore.”

“And we won’t,” Katara responds, leaning down to run a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry Sokka accidentally hurt you. He won’t do it again, I promise.”

Katara’s hand in his hair is actually comforting, and he breathes out some of his tension, without flames this time. He looks up at Katara and tries to say something, but he’s cut off by someone hitting the deck of the ship  _ hard. _ Everyone looks over to them and it’s--

“Aang! You’re awake!” Katara shouts, running to the Avatar, who seems extremely groggy.

“Are you sure? I feel like I’m dreaming…” He rubs his eyes as Katara embraces him. Aang looks over her shoulder at Azarin on the deck, and his eyes widen. “Why is Azarin tied up?”

Tears in his eyes, Azarin shakes his head. Aang is  _ awake, _ finally. “It doesn’t matter, buddy. You’re finally back with us.”

After explaining to Aang everything that’s happened (and Azarin being released from his binds), they run into another Fire Nation ship and everyone except Hakoda, Bato, and Azarin hide. Their cover is blown, unfortunately, and they narrowly escape the other ship with help from the sea serpent from the Serpent’s Pass. Azarin distinctly remembers hearing some of the soldiers saying  _ how did they get a firebender on their side? _ and it for some reason sticks with him. The people of the Fire Nation are truly so conditioned to believe that they’re on the right side of the war, that what they’re doing is the right thing to do. Azarin is glad he got out when he did.

They stop to get supplies and find ways to fix the ship, which Azarin is definitely good at. The feeling of going into Fire Nation ports in the dead of night to get supplies while Zuko and Iroh sleep on the ship is all too familiar as he bargains with shopkeepers on the price of a bag of rice or meat. Even though he’d changed out of his Fire Nation clothing, he still bears his royal hair tie; it brings him the slightest bit of comfort. He knows they won’t be faking being Fire Nation for too much longer if they keep running into other ships, so he’s going to take advantage of the comforting feeling for now. The Fire Nation may not be his home anymore, but it’s still filled with nostalgia for him. The people he met helped prove to him that while the Fire Nation as a whole has their views all wrong, not everyone there is evil. Including himself.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I am proud of you, Prince Zuko,” Ozai’s words sit in Zuko’s ears; he’s afraid they won’t ever return. If this is the first time his father is saying he’s proud of him, why does it feel so wrong? “I am proud because you and your sister conquered Ba Sing Se. I am proud because, when your loyalty was tested by your treacherous uncle and the wretched spellbender, you did the right thing, and captured at least one of them.” The mention of Azarin, even if not directly, makes Zuko’s heart clench painfully, and thinking about how he betrayed Iroh makes it even worse, but he contains it all while his father circles him, still speaking. “And I am proudest of all of your most legendary accomplishment...you slayed the Avatar.”

At this, Zuko’s eyes widen and his fists clench even more tightly from their place on the floor. Azula had to have lied to their father...Azula always lies. “What did you hear?”

There’s a small, affirmative hum from the Fire Lord as he stops in front of his son. “Azula told me  _ everything. _ She said she was amazed with your power and ferocity at the moment of truth, and even more so when the spellbender confessed to you.” Ozai pauses and Zuko’s eyes are glued to his father’s feet, panic setting into his bones. “She said she thought you would leave to be with him, especially after he kissed you. But you chose your destiny instead, and for that, you have redeemed yourself, my son.”

Of course. Azula twisted and manipulated what happened, to save herself from being embarrassed or shamed by their father. She put everything onto  _ Zuko’s _ shoulders so if anything were to end up happening, nothing would be her fault and she could stay right where she is, wielding the power she always has. Azula only ever looks out for herself.

Zuko doesn’t know what to say. He’s too shocked and panicked and his heart is threatening to explode from his chest. “Th-Thank you, father.”

“Look at me, my son,” Ozai leans down just as Zuko looks up at him. Their eyes meet and Zuko thinks he’s going to pass out from how anxious he is. He thinks his father is going to kill him. “I understand you are dating the New Ozai governor’s daughter?”

Zuko nods. “Mai.”

The smile on his father’s lips is terrifying. He reaches out and brings Zuko to his feet, hands on his son’s shoulders. Zuko can feel himself begin to shake, but he pushes it back the best he can. “Should young Mai not be satisfying your  _ needs, _ come to me and I will find you someone who can. Do you understand, Prince Zuko?”

Zuko blinks, but shakes his head. He hates that he doesn’t understand, because his father could burn him or kill him or banish him again. “I-I don’t, I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright, son,” the Fire Lord steps behind Zuko, patting him on the shoulders. Zuko stares into the giant flames surrounding his father’s throne and feels something foreign itching at his mind that he can’t place. It feels like panic, but much, much worse. “I understand you may be questioning some things. The spellbender was out of line for what he did, but if you find yourself thinking about it...I can find someone else for you, besides Mai. Someone less...feminine.”

The realization strikes Zuko instantly. He gulps back his fear. “You...you’ll allow something like that?”

“I think you naively underestimate just how common it is, Prince Zuko. I treat myself to a man every once in a while.” Ozai leans down to Zuko’s ear, the proximity of his father making something within his body scream at him to  _ get the fuck away. _ “It can be our little secret, my son. Not even Mai has to know. You’ve earned yourself more than she can give you.” The Fire Lord steps back around his son with the most distinctively evil smirk Zuko thinks he’s ever seen on a person. “Should you find yourself wondering, we can make it happen. You are a prince...you should be exploring all the world has to offer, even things you think are unholy.”

Instinct kicks in and Zuko bows respectfully to his father, despite his mind screaming at him to run far, far away. “Thank you, father. I will consider it.”

With that, Zuko turns and rushes out of the throne room, wondering what the  _ hell _ had just happened.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After Aang goes off and almost dies in the sea, they separate from Hakoda, Bato, and the rest of the crew on the Fire Nation ship. Aang needs more earthbending training, and Toph can’t teach him if they’re on a ship at sea. He also needs to start learning firebending, but Azarin isn’t going to bring that up until it’s absolutely necessary. While they’re in the Fire Nation would probably be the best time to learn, though.

They find a cave to camp in for the time being and while Azarin is perfectly capable of blending in to the place he’s from, the rest of them need new clothes. Sadly, they’re running out of money for anything but food and have to steal them, especially after Azarin had to buy Earth Kingdom clothes. He has expensive taste, he spent years living in a palace.

When Aang is nowhere to be found after Toph, Katara, Sokka and Azarin finish eating lunch, they panic a little but return to the cave to rest. Aang will come back...hopefully.

Azarin starts a fire and they sit around it, talking and laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. Sokka tries to show Azarin some affection, but he doesn’t think he’s ready to open that back up again. Every time he thinks about doing anything with Sokka, he now thinks of Zuko, and he doesn’t want to get upset again. Toph was right...when he gets emotional, someone could get hurt.

Aang comes back late in the evening and says he had accidentally stolen a school uniform because it was the only thing that would fit him, and he got caught by the authorities, forcing him to spend the rest of the day at school. He had played with some kids after the day was over and planned to go back the next day. Azarin doesn’t have it in him to tell him what a terrible idea that is, mainly because the Fire Nation’s education system is totally fucked and different from actual reality, but he’s tired and wants to sleep. Appa’s tail is soft, and warm, and he drifts off while the others talk.

“Azarin, hey, wake up,” Sokka’s voice comes from above him. He’s whispering and poking Azarin in the forehead, which makes the firebender groan and turn over. “Come on, please? I wanna talk to you.”

“Talk later, sleep now,” Azarin is shocked he can actually get this out, considering how tired he is.

Sokka pulls Azarin by the arm to sit up. “No. Now.”

Even though he doesn’t want to, Azarin gets up and follows Sokka out of the cave. They walk in the darkness for a while until Azarin lights a flame in his hand so they can see. “What did you wake me up for, twerp?”

Sokka lets out a long sigh, shrugging. “I wanna apologize. I didn’t think a nickname would...make you react that way, but there’s still so much we don’t know about you. You keep everything you feel so tightly packed in that big brain of yours.”

Azarin doesn’t know what to make of this. Sokka rarely apologizes unless Katara forces him to, and even then he doesn’t mean it. He sounds genuinely sincere now, though. Azarin can tell Sokka feels horrible for causing that kind of reaction in him. “It isn’t your fault, Sokka, but thank you. I didn’t know hearing it would make me react that way, either. I guess I’m not as okay with what happened as I thought I was.”

They’re silent for another short while. Azarin thinks Sokka is going to hold his hand, or try to kiss him, or anything to show affection, but he doesn’t. Azarin misses it if he’s being honest, but he just can’t. Thinking about it makes him think of Zuko, and thinking about Zuko makes him more upset than he ever wants to admit. He knows Zuko will come around, but...will Azarin even be able to forgive him when he does?

“You’re still  _ really _ in love with him, aren’t you?” Sokka’s voice pulls Azarin back from his own mind. He nods, but doesn’t respond. “You know, I never expected to be in this  _ thing _ with someone from the Fire Nation, but I can’t say I didn’t expect to come second. It always happens to me, no matter if it’s a girl or a guy, and sometimes it doesn’t even have to be romantic. Katara is a bender, and I’m not. I come second.”

Azarin feels tears forming in his eyes, unable to control it. He can hear just how much pain is in Sokka’s voice, how much being aware of this hurts him, and he wishes  _ so much _ that he could put Sokka first, that he could be the first person to do that for him. But they were never serious, both of them made that abundantly clear a long time ago, and Azarin doesn’t think Sokka would even want him to do that in the first place. He’s just venting to his friend. Azarin just wishes he could help Sokka feel better.

Wiping away his tears, Azarin pulls Sokka to face him and wants to say something so badly, but it never comes out. He pushes Sokka against the wall of rock behind him and kisses him as hard and as deeply as he can. Sokka returns it by throwing his arms around Azarin’s shoulders, pulling him down closer. Azarin can barely breathe, but he doesn’t care. He knows this will be the last time he kisses Sokka...he has to make it count.

Before it can escalate into something it isn’t supposed to be, Azarin pulls back but leaves his head leaning against Sokka’s. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I just--”

“Needed a distraction,” Sokka finishes, with a sad smile on his lips, then nods. “I get it. I really do, Azarin. And…” He bites down on his lip like he’s nervous.  _ “You _ didn’t hurt me. You made me happy, and opened my eyes, and I really should be thanking you. Me being hurt isn’t your fault, it’s my own for going into it knowing how you feel about Zuko. But...don’t worry. It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Azarin nods. He actually feels a little better, like a weight’s been lifted from his chest. He smiles softly. “You don’t come second to me, Sokka. You’re my friend first, and you always will be. I hope we can always be friends, at least…”

“Of course we can. Friends that almost had sex with each other, sure.” Sokka grins and Azarin actually laughs. He pushes away from Sokka and they start walking back toward the cave. “So now that that’s over, can I ask you a question?”

Azarin is caught off guard, but nods. “What is it, Sokka?”

“Do you really think Zuko is going to realize what he’s done is wrong, and come back?”

Azarin stares ahead of them, unsure of what to say. His mind is rattling with all kinds of thoughts, mostly insecure and anxious ones. Truth be told, he has no idea what Zuko will or won’t do, because he had been so sure that the prince would make the right choice in Ba Sing Se, and he didn’t. He’s starting to realize that he doesn’t know Zuko at all anymore.

“I don’t know,” Azarin answers, finally. “I don’t know for sure. All I know is what I saw in him was someone completely different than the person he used to be, and if that person is still there…” He shakes his head. “All I can do is hope. I hope he’ll come to his senses, I hope he’ll regret betraying Iroh, and I hope knowing that I’m in love with him will help him see where he’s meant to be. It doesn’t have to be with me, but...it for damn sure isn’t in that palace.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You brought this on yourself, you know,” Zuko spouts toward his uncle, who isn’t even turned to face him. It hurts, more than Zuko would like to admit, but he shakes his head trying to convince himself that his uncle just doesn’t understand. “We could have returned  _ together. _ You could have been a hero!”

Iroh says nothing. Zuko can feel rage beginning to trickle into his being. How could his uncle ignore him like this? How could he not want the honor and glory that Zuko now has? How could he not want to return to the Fire Nation as a hero?

“You have no right to judge me, uncle. You’re just like Azarin...judging  _ my _ actions when you’ve done far worse in your past.” Zuko clenches his fists by his sides, trying to prevent himself from crying, even if his uncle can’t see him. “I did what I had to do in Ba Sing Se and you’re a fool for not joining me. You and Azarin both.”

At this, Iroh looks over his shoulder, but still doesn’t say anything. Zuko seethes.

“Oh, so  _ that’s _ what you want to talk about? Azarin?” The prince steps forward a little, angry that Iroh refuses to speak. Zuko hasn’t done anything wrong, he got his life back just like he had been trying to do for three years  _ with _ Iroh. Why is his uncle acting like this? And why does it bother him so much? “Azarin doesn’t matter. Did you know he’s a spellbender? He lied to all of us, uncle. He snuck himself into the palace and lived under our noses for years, and we trusted him. I trusted him, and he lied to me.”

Still, his uncle doesn’t speak, and this time he doesn’t look, either.

“Azarin betrayed me, manipulated me, and lied to me. He deserves to be in this cell with you, and I’m going to make sure of it. How he feels about me doesn’t mean anything when he’s lied about it all this time, and lied about what he is. Spellbenders are dangerous leeches, which is why Fire Lord Azulon eradicated them years ago. Azarin deserves to die.” Somehow, Zuko expects this to get Iroh to speak. When it doesn’t, he kicks the stool on the floor next to him and punches it into the wall, flames spilling from his fist and burning it into ash. He turns back to his uncle, steaming. “You’re a crazy old man! You’re  _ crazy, _ and if you weren’t in jail you’d be sleeping in a gutter!”

Zuko walks out of the cell and back out of the prison tower toward the palace. When he reaches his bedroom he shuts the door and sits on the edge of his bed, clutching his hair between his fingers so hard that it pulls out. Zuko doesn’t know why this bothers him so much, why he misses his uncle so much, why he misses  _ Azarin _ so much. He spent  _ months _ without Azarin and he was able to hate him and be angry with him and ignore that he existed.

Why does it feel so different now?


	34. the beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: haunting - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode five: the beach
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

_ What _ did Zuko just do?

He just hired an assassin, is what he did. On an insecure and paranoid impulse, he hired someone to kill someone else. To kill the Avatar, a child. He’s just covering his bases, he’s just making sure Aang is actually dead, because Katara had magical Spirit water and he very well could be alive. Zuko  _ has _ to make sure he’s dead...but at what cost?

Azarin. Azarin is that cost. Zuko basically sentenced his best friend, a boy that’s been in love with him for eight years, to death by his own hand.

“Fuck…” Zuko drops to the floor in his bedroom, wrapping his arms around himself and letting thick tears spill down onto his robes. “Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck... _ what did I just do?” He shakes his head and rocks back and forth, his head filled with so many thoughts and outcomes that the room is spinning. He thinks about Azarin lying dead on the ground in front of him and takes in a sharp breath. “No...he doesn’t deserve to live. He lied to me.”

Still, Zuko can’t shake the image from his mind. Despite Azarin lying, despite Azarin hiding things, Zuko still cares about him. All his rage and anger toward Azarin has somehow disappeared and is replaced with this unsure feeling, this questioning of everything they’ve been through and every moment they’ve spent together. If Azarin has been in love with him this whole time, why didn’t Zuko notice it?

Zuko is stupid. That’s how. Zuko is  _ so _ stupid and so selfish, he couldn’t see that his best friend had romantic feelings for him. When they were kids, Azarin would start crying sometimes because he was so happy to have a friend like Zuko, but now Zuko thinks he was crying because he was so happy to be in love, or upset that Zuko doesn’t love him back.

Does he?

Azarin was there for Zuko until he absolutely couldn’t take it anymore. Azarin protected Zuko at all costs, he fought his abusive and insane father to protect Zuko, he left his home and everything he knew to help Zuko get his honor back. And now that Zuko has it back, he misses Azarin being here more than ever. He misses training with Azarin, eating meals and laughing together, and even the suspiciously long looks they would exchange sometimes...looks that Zuko now realizes were Azarin admiring him, Azarin loving him. But Azarin still lied. About what he was, and what he felt. Azarin lied, and Zuko can’t trust him, no matter what he may or may not be starting to feel.

No matter what Zuko feels, he can’t let it get the best of him. He has to maintain his life here, he has to keep it together. He can’t keep crying himself to sleep every night and not expect Azula to start noticing, or worse, their father. Zuko can’t lose this life again, that’s why he hired the assassin. He can’t let Azarin get in the way of his life anymore. Azarin is gone, and he may never come back.

Zuko has to let him go.

Standing abruptly, Zuko rushes out of his room and down the hall. He pushes open the door to Azarin’s old room and stands there, staring, for what feels like forever. When he finally goes in, he unclasps the bracelet around his wrist and moves to the bed, slipping it underneath the pillows. He doesn’t want to do this, he doesn’t want to let go of the bracelet or Azarin, but he knows he has to. If he has any chance of surviving here, of staying here...he has to.

When he gets back to his room, Azula is waiting for him. She’s always been a light sleeper.

“Where have  _ you _ been, dumb-dumb?”

Zuko is glad he’s finally stopped crying. He looks at her for a moment then moves past her to his bed, sitting on the edge of it. “Nowhere. I’m going to sleep. Goodnight, Azula.”

“Fine. I just thought you’d like to know that after our trip to Ember Island in a few days, father is sending me to kill Azarin.”

Zuko stands immediately, moving to his sister and clenching his fists. “What? Why, Azula?”

Shrugging, Azula steps closer to Zuko, narrowing her eyes. “Why do you think, ZuZu?” At this, Zuko’s eyes widen and he thinks, for just the smallest of moments, that his father wants to kill Azarin because Zuko may have feelings for him. The thought quickly dissipates as Azula continues. “He’s a spellbender, and they aren’t allowed to exist, especially not in the Fire Nation.”

“Azarin isn’t in the Fire Nation,” Zuko counters, feeling stupid immediately after. He has no idea where Azarin is; he could very well be in the Fire Nation.

“So where is he, Zuko? Do tell,” Azula smirks. “He doesn’t have to be in the Fire Nation to be our enemy. Now that father knows of his existence he must be put to death, and I’m going to be the one to do it. Isn’t it lovely, big brother?”

Zuko glares. “Why did you tell dad that Azarin kissed me? Too embarrassed to be rejected?”

“Hardly,” Azula rolls her eyes, but Zuko can tell she’s irritated. “I told you, Zuko, I was only trying to share the glory with you. Knowing you chose to come home instead of following our uncle and Azarin has made father trust you completely, especially if he thinks Azarin confessed to you and kissed you. It just makes it that much harder of a decision for you to make, and you chose correctly, so I’m rewarding you for that. Why are you complaining?”

Zuko doesn't know. He doesn’t know why or how any of this is happening. Part of him feels like it’s a dream, and he’ll wake up in his and uncle’s apartment in Ba Sing Se to serve tea to people all day. It isn’t, though, and Zuko is left to constantly wonder if Azula is telling the truth or not.

“How will you even find him?” Zuko asks, because if he says anything else, he might start crying again.

Azula takes Zuko’s wrist and pulls it up to their eye level. “I have my ways... _ what?” _ Her eyes grow large in shock for a moment, then turn sharply back to her brother. “Where’s the bracelet? Azarin’s bracelet? You’ve been wearing it constantly!”

Zuko pulls his arm back. “I have no reason to wear it anymore.”

“Then you should give it to me so I can do what father has told me!” Azula is actually seething, and Zuko is dumbfounded at the sight of it. She had been so sure that Zuko would be wearing the bracelet, that she could find Azarin by using it, and now her plans have been broken. “Where is it?”

“I got rid of it,” Zuko lies. He may not want it right now, but he sure has hell isn’t going to let Azula have it. “Sorry to ruin your plans.”

Azula glares at him for a moment more, then storms out of Zuko’s room.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Come  _ on, _ Zuko, you’re taking forever,” Mai’s voice calls from the doorway to Zuko’s room, while he gathers his things just before they’re leaving for Ember Island. He’s really tried to move as quickly as possible, but he’s irritated that they’re being forced to go on this trip in the first place. Father doesn’t want them around while he meets with his advisors...he doesn’t trust Zuko enough to have him around. Then again, Azula is being forced to go, too.

Zuko steps to Mai, bags in hand and disgruntled look on his face. “Let’s go before I think of anything else I might need.”

“Why do you  _ need _ so much stuff, huh? You’re almost worse than Ty Lee.” Mai shakes her head, but links her arm with Zuko’s as they walk.

Once on the boat, Zuko and Mai stay on the deck to watch the waves go by while Azula and Ty Lee...well, who knows what they’re doing, actually. They’ve been spending a lot of time together and Zuko always wonders why, because Azula has always been extremely annoyed with Ty Lee, but he doesn't like thinking about his sister for too long. He gets angry.

“Hey, you’re not wearing your bracelet,” Mai muses, her slender fingers wrapping around Zuko’s bare wrist. He pulls it back and tucks his hands underneath his arms.

“I decided I don’t want it anymore.” Zuko looks away from her, but remains close enough to keep their shoulders touching. “It isn’t important.”

“Wasn’t it Azarin’s?”

Zuko looks up; Mai’s expression is blank as usual, but there’s something that looks like hurt in her eyes for the smallest of seconds. Zuko swallows nervously. “It wasn’t Azarin’s...it was his mother’s. He has one just like it that she made for him before she died, and Zhao sold their home while we were out looking for the Avatar, so Azarin came across the bracelet in a port and bought it for me.”

“How…” Mai sighs, looking out at the water again. “...sweet.”

They stay like this for a while, standing close to each other and looking out at the water as the boat crashes through it. Zuko wants to show her some kind of affection but he falls short, his awkwardness getting the best of him again. He doesn’t know how to fix the way he acts in social situations, but he wants a solution. He’s tired of being embarrassed.

“You know,” Mai starts, turning around to lean her back against the railing of the boat. Zuko’s attention goes to her. “That kind of romantic relationship is illegal. In the Fire Nation, at least.”

Eyes widening, Zuko blinks at her. “What?”

Mai rolls her eyes, her tone indifferent. “Fire Lord Sozin outlawed same gender relationships after he and Avatar Roku had their infamous falling out. It’s speculated they were dating, or in love, or whatever.”

Zuko gulps back the fear threatening to burst from his throat. Not only is this completely new information to him, but why is she even telling him any of it? “And you’re telling me this because…?”

“Because I care about you, Zuko,” Mai says, sounding as sincere as she possibly can in her usual monotone voice. “Obviously, this thing with Azarin is bothering you, so I’m telling you something that will hopefully keep you from thinking about it. Even if you  _ wanted _ to be with him, you couldn’t. You’d be killed.”

“How do  _ you _ know what’s bothering me, huh?” Zuko’s voice is pointed. “Besides, how do you even know any of this?”

“My uncle ran off to the Earth Kingdom to marry his boyfriend. My dad said that if he stepped foot on Fire Nation territory again, even a colony, he’d be killed.” Mai’s eyes drop to the ground, and Zuko thinks this is one of the only times he’s ever seen her act genuinely  _ concerned _ for him. It warms his heart, if he’s being honest. “I think you’re confused right now, because of what Azarin did. But there’s no sense in being upset over it, Zuko. Not only would your father want to kill you, you’d be an enemy of the Fire Nation again if you chose to be with Azarin. So just…” She pulls his head to face her, letting out another sigh. “Forget about him, okay?”

Zuko looks over her for a few moments. Even though this information is news to him, it isn’t making him feel any better. Mai has a point, he knows she does, but Zuko can’t just turn off how he feels. Hiding the bracelet Azarin gave him was the first step in trying to let his friend go, and he thinks that was a big step. He doesn’t want to be rushed, he doesn’t want to be pressured, but that’s exactly what Mai is doing. While Zuko understands why she’s acting this way, he just...he needs time.

“I’m  _ trying _ to forget about him,” Zuko responds, voice low. He turns back to look out at the sea. “It isn’t easy. Imagine if Ty Lee came out and said she’s been in love with you the whole time you’ve known each other.”

Mai leans up to Zuko and presses a small kiss to his cheek. “I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m just trying to get you to see how wrong it is. You’re here, with me...so why are you thinking about him?”

She walks away, and Zuko stays staring at the water below.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After a long day on the beach, and Zuko trying to avoid being burned by the sun  _ and _ Azula in a dumb game of beach volleyball, his sister somehow roped them all into going to a party that some other teenagers are throwing. Zuko doesn’t pretend to know how or why Azula’s mind does the things it does, so he just goes along with it. Maybe he and Mai can find a spot to make out all night or something.

Azula, of course, makes them be incredibly early and Zuko wants to just sink into a chair and never be heard from again. The guy, Chan, lets them in despite this though. “Alright listen, my dad’s an admiral. He has no idea I’m having this party, so don’t mess anything up.”

Just as he’s sitting down next to Mai, Zuko tenses when he hears what Chan is saying.

_ What’s he been promoted to this time? King of the military? Is there even anything higher than Commander? _

_ Admiral. He’s made finding the Avatar a top priority for the Fire Nation military. _

Shaking himself out of his memory, Zuko puts an arm around Mai and gets comfortable on the bench next to her. It’s going to be a long night.

More people filter in as the night goes on, but Zuko and Mai stay rooted in their spot on the bench. They mostly talk about how bored they are, and how annoying these people are. Mai points out how a few of the girls there are flirting heavily with Chan, and how they must be deprived of attention at home. Zuko points out how Chan is just a no-brained jock with no substance, so why would anyone even be interested in him in the first place? Mai actually laughs at that. Zuko likes her laugh, even if he rarely hears it. He likes Mai...even if he rarely shows it.

Stating that she’s hungry and bored of their conversation, Mai gets up to get food, leaving Zuko alone. He watches Mai across the room for a few moments before someone comes into his line of vision; it’s one of Chan’s smaller, less dumb friends. His hair is in his face despite half of it being in a top knot. His skin is a little darker than Zuko’s and his eyes are even darker. He reminds Zuko of a shorter, less muscular Azarin.

“Hey,” the kid says, with a smile. “I’m Ruon Jian...we met on the beach earlier, remember?”

Zuko looks away from him when he realizes he’d been staring. “That’s a long name for someone I don’t care about.”

“You can call me Jian, if you want.” The kid doesn’t miss a beat. Zuko turns back to him.

“Alright,  _ Jian, _ why are you talking to me?”

Jian sits down next to Zuko, still smiling. “Can I tell you a secret?” When Zuko just stares at him, bewildered look on his face, Jian continues as he leans forward, lowering his voice a little. “I think you’re really cute.”

Zuko’s eyes widen instantly and his father’s voice echoes in his mind.

_ I think you naively underestimate just how common it is. _

“Y-You...what?” Zuko’s voice is barely audible from how much shock he’s in. He hates when his father is right.

Jian puts a hand on Zuko’s knee. “I’m sorry if that’s too bold, but...I gotta take my chance, you know? You seem really reserved, and you don’t seem to like your girlfriend much at all…”

“So that makes me like boys?” Zuko snaps, looking at the other finally. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You could have both of us killed.” He goes to stand up, but Jian pulls him back down.

“I know it’s illegal, but my older brother goes to see the Fire Lord a  _ lot, _ if you know what I mean…the Fire Lord looks the other way. He has to, or else he’d be put in prison, himself.”

Zuko stares at Jian. He can’t believe what he’s hearing, but at the same time he can. Half of him expected his father to be lying to him, to tell him it’s okay but then turn around and humiliate him later. He didn’t say it was illegal...probably to protect himself. Zuko’s father is breaking his own family’s laws, and no one knows about it.

Jian takes Zuko’s hand and pulls him up, leading him to another room of the house and Zuko is just too shocked to protest. It’s quiet, and secluded away from the rest of the party. Jian closes the door and turns to Zuko. “There. Now you have nothing to worry about, no one will see us.”

Zuko blinks. Maybe this is what he needs, maybe he needs to get this out of his system so he’ll stop thinking about Azarin. Maybe he needs to try something new so he can get past all this and finally stop being so fucking confused about what he feels and what he wants. Maybe...maybe he can try it. Just this once, with someone that  _ isn’t _ Azarin. Maybe that will make it okay.

Hesitantly, Zuko steps forward. He places a shaking hand on Jian’s hard chest, slowly sliding it up and around the back of his neck. His other hand rests at Jian’s hip, and it’s a far cry from the soft curves and gentle dips of Mai’s body...but he likes it. He’s surprised that he likes it, so he goes for more.

Zuko dips his head down and barely brushes their lips together. Jian’s fingers are in Zuko’s hair, and he’s extremely tense. Zuko’s eyes move up to meet his just as Jian speaks softly against his lips. “Will you kiss me already?”

With more apprehension than he’s ever had before kissing someone, Zuko slowly presses their lips together. He expects there to be some amazing spark telling him that this is it, this is his destiny, he likes boys now and this is who he’s meant to be. Instead, he’s left kissing someone he barely knows, pretty awkwardly. It’s nice, but again...Zuko is expecting more. Why aren’t birds singing and fireworks going off inside his head? Is this really what he wants?

Before Zuko can get lost in his thoughts any more, Jian pulls back just a little, but begins planting soft, wet kisses down Zuko’s jawline and to his neck. The prince lets out a soft groan at the sensation and he can feel Jian’s lips smiling against his skin.

“You’re  _ so _ tense, let me loosen you up a bit…” The words are breathed onto Zuko’s neck and his own breath hitches as Jian licks a hot stripe across his collarbone. Zuko’s fingers dig into Jian’s hips as he tries to let himself go, let himself enjoy this because he  _ needs _ it. He needs to relax, and he needs to get this out of his system.

Zuko lets Jian suck a bruise into his shoulder and has to suppress a guttural moan in the back of his throat. How is this guy so good with his mouth? Zuko is so awkward at  _ just _ kissing, but this boy seems so experienced and he can’t be older than Zuko himself. Are things like this really as common as his father had said?

After another few moments of this, Jian mouths his way back up Zuko’s neck and they kiss again, this time with more need. Zuko can feel arousal begin to pump through him but also fear, because he’s never done this with a boy before. It shouldn’t be  _ too _ different, right? He tries his best to put his all into the kiss, and he lets Jian part his lips with his tongue to deepen it. At this point, Zuko is actually enjoying himself and he honestly didn’t think he would. For once, he’s glad he’s being proven wrong.

“Zuko?!” He turns around so quickly he thinks he might get a headache. Mai is standing there with Ty Lee in the open doorway, and Zuko wants to absolutely murder Jian for  _ not locking the fucking door. _ Mai steps in the room, anger apparent on her face. “I got worried you were taken off by girls, but I guess I couldn’t be more wrong.”

Zuko stands with his fists by his sides for a moment, heart thumping wildly in his chest, before he starts to try and move past Mai. “I don’t have time for this.”

Ty Lee blocks the door, her normally wide and innocent eyes narrowed. “You’re not going  _ anywhere, _ cheater.”

“How don’t you have time to explain why you’re in here cheating on me with him?” Mai points to Jian, whose face is flushed. He’s trying his hardest to hide in the corner, but Zuko knows firsthand how scary Mai is to the untrained eye. The dude must be terrified. “You certainly had time to sneak off with him in the first place.”

“I  _ don’t _ want to talk about this,” Zuko seethes as he turns around, but keeps his eyes on the floor. “Not here. Not right now.”

Mai steps up to him, finger poking him in the chest with her every word. “If you can do this here and now, then you can talk about it here and now. I don’t care if you’re prince of the fucking Fire Nation, you don’t get to cheat on me and just leave!”

“You’re  _ Prince _ Zuko…?” Jian interjects, also stepping forward a little. He looks to be in utter shock. “I made out with Prince Zuko…”

“And now you’re leaving,” Ty Lee smiles at him, then promptly kicks him in the groin. Jian doubles over, rushing out of the room, and Ty Lee waves at him. “Bye bye!”

Zuko shakes his head, backing away from Mai. “We can talk about this when we aren’t in the middle of a party, Mai! Why do you  _ have _ to talk about this right now?!” He knows he’s being unreasonable, but he’s trying to buy himself time to come up with an excuse that isn’t  _ I was trying to get my mind off of Azarin _ .

“Fine,” Mai responds, her tone back to its usual indifference. She turns away from him, but continues speaking. “It’s over, Zuko. We’re done.”

Zuko’s eyes widen for just a moment before he storms out of the room. He runs right into Chan, who had been eavesdropping. Zuko shoves him across the room and into a giant urn that shatters into pieces. He walks out of the house and down to the beach, alone.

Somehow, he ends up at their family’s old house on the island. He goes inside and feels his heart clench at the sight of the family portrait on the wall in the entryway. His mother’s eyes look so sad...he always wondered why. She had a family, a perfect place to live, the perfect husband. Why was she always so sad?

“I thought I’d find you here,” Azula’s voice comes from behind him, but it’s different. She sounds softer...empathetic even. It’s more shocking to Zuko than anything that’s happened tonight.

He doesn’t look at her, just makes his way back out onto the front stairs and sits. It’s a long while before either of them speak, but it’s Zuko that eventually does. “Those summers we spent here seem so long ago. So much has changed.”

Azula sighs. “Come down to the beach with me,” she says, and that soft tone is still there in her voice. Zuko doesn’t know what to think of it. She reaches down and takes his wrist, pulling him up. “Come on, this place is depressing.”

Zuko follows his sister only to find Mai and Ty Lee sitting on benches in the sand. He sits as far away from Mai as possible. Azula and Mai go back to the house to gather things to start a fire with and when they come back, Azula hands Zuko the portrait of their family he was staring at when she found him. He takes it and throws it into the fire.

Ty Lee apparently thinks he’s stupid for doing it, and they go back and forth about her not knowing him when she thinks she does. Ty Lee doesn’t know him, she never has. No one knows him, he won’t let anyone. Because just like now, when they think they do, he shuts down and insults them rather than letting them in too closely. Why does he do that?

After Ty Lee goes on a teary-eyed rant about her childhood, Zuko actually feels a little sorry for her. Mai, of course, attacks her, which makes them go back and forth until Mai starts opening up. Zuko listens intently as she talks about how controlling and cold her mother was, all in the name of her father’s political career. It reminds him of Azarin’s father and how much he wanted to control his son, but Azarin wouldn’t let him. Why didn’t Mai do the same thing? She’s strong enough to stand up for herself...she certainly just did when she caught Zuko kissing Jian. Zuko wishes she could actually let herself feel something other than boredom or annoyance, but he knows now that the damage from her past will never let her.

“Well that’s it, then,” Azula says, when Mai is finished talking. “You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything, and why you can't express yourself.”

Mai seems to take offense to that, because she stands with her fists clenched by her sides, raising her voice to Azula. “You want me to express myself?  _ Leave me the hell alone!” _

Zuko stands from where he’d been sitting in the sand, and moves to Mai, trying to take her hand. “I like it when you express yourself…”

“Don’t touch me,” she pulls away from him, glaring in his direction. “I’m still mad at you. Could expressing myself have kept you from cheating on me?” When Zuko just stares at her, she turns away. “That’s what I thought.”

“My life hasn’t been that easy either, Mai!” Zuko blurts this out, voice raising, but Mai just stares at the fire in front of them.

“Whatever. That doesn’t excuse what you did, or the way you’ve been acting.” Finally, she looks back to him, her eyes twinkling with tears for the first time that Zuko has ever seen. “You  _ cheated _ on me, Zuko. With a  _ boy! _ You could have been arrested or killed!”

“Honestly, Zuko, you  _ have _ to be more careful,” Azula chimes in, voice cool and calm despite everyone else’s emotions running rampant. “Doing that at a party full of people wasn’t the wisest choice you’ve made, big brother.”

Zuko shakes his head, aggravation turning to rage pretty quickly. “You think I planned it? You think I went to that party and just decided I was gonna make out with a guy? I have no idea what’s happening to me, or  _ why _ it’s happening! I didn’t want to hurt Mai tonight but I did and I  _ enjoyed _ it, that’s the worst part!” He can’t believe he’s being this honest about what he feels, but the rest of them were, so why not?

When they all just stare at him, he continues. “For so long, I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home, now my dad talks to me. He even thinks I'm a hero, and he’s made me feel better about possibly being attracted to boys. Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now, but I'm not. I'm confused, hurt, and angrier than ever and I don't know why.”

“There’s a few simple questions you need to answer, then,” Aula responds immediately, voice just as smooth as it has been all night.  _ “Do _ you like boys, and  _ who _ are you angry at?”

Zuko stares at her. He honestly doesn’t know. There’s so much going on inside of him that he can’t pin down how he truly feels. “I...I don’t know…”

“Which question is that an answer to, Zuko?” Mai asks, but Zuko shakes his head.

“Both, I guess…” He lets out a sigh. “I’m not angry at anyone...I’m just angry. And I...I guess I do like boys, but I don’t  _ not _ like girls. I want to be with you, Mai, but I’m just so confused…”

Azula rolls her eyes. “It’s clear that all of this has to do with Azarin. You’re angry at him for keeping so many secrets  _ and _ for betraying you, and he’s made you question everything about yourself from your moral compass to your sexuality. Why are you trying to act like that isn’t the truth?”

“Because it isn’t!” Zuko shouts at her. “I’m not mad at Azarin, I haven’t been mad at him for weeks and that’s what’s so  _ fucking _ frustrating! I should be mad at him, I should hate him, he’s caused me nothing but suffering and hurt since he left but I can’t bring myself to be angry at him anymore! What if he’s right?! What if I’m going down the wrong path and I don’t even know it yet?”

“Well, if you’re not angry at Azarin, then who  _ are _ you angry at, Zuko?” Azula checks her nails casually as she asks this, like Zuko isn’t in the middle of an existential crisis.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Everyone...I don’t know…”

“Is it dad?” Azula asks, raising a brow at him, but Zuko shakes his head instantly.

“No, no!”

“Is it your uncle?” Ty Lee is the next to question him, followed immediately by Azula again.

“Is it me?”

He shakes his head more, hands going up to grip the sides of it harshly. “No...no…”

“Then who?” Mai speaks up. “Who are you angry at?”

Zuko doesn’t even have time to think before Azula responds again. “Answer the question, Zuko.”

He looks between all of them and he can feel himself getting disoriented and dizzy, all the confusion and overflowing emotions inside of him threatening to spill out are driving him crazy, and everyone else won’t give him time to think everything through. They keep going, asking him to answer the question, because they want to know. He needs to talk to them. They want to know.

Zuko throws his hands down and shouts. “I’m angry at  _ myself!” _ The fire in front of them bursts straight up into the sky for a moment as he finally gets out what he wants to say. It feels like the weight of the world is lifted from his chest, if only for a few moments. Azula ruins it.

“Why?” She asks, as if Zuko hasn’t just had a life-changing revelation in front of all of them.

He narrows his eyes at her. “Because I’m confused. Because I’m not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore…”

He thinks he sees the faintest hit of a smirk on his sister’s lips before she rolls her eyes. “You’re pathetic.”

Zuko wants to be angry, he wants to fire back at her and fight, but he just doesn’t have it in him right now. He’s so emotionally exhausted that he could sleep right here on the sand. Instead, he listens to Azula prattle on about how their mother loved Zuko and Azarin more than her, but how she doesn’t care. Zuko has heard enough.

He takes off down the beach and is surprised to find Mai has followed him. She takes his hand in hers and they walk in silence for a short while. Zuko breaks it. “I’m sorry I cheated on you, Mai. It wasn’t my intention, I just--”

“You’re just confused,” she finishes for him, as she rests her head on his shoulder. “I know, Zuko. Don’t worry about it. Don’t do it again, okay? If you want to make out with a boy, just...come to me first.”

“What? I thought you were upset with me!” Zuko is now even more confused, and wonders why his life is so damn complicated.

Mai shrugs. “I now know what you’re going through. If you can promise me that I have your heart...I don’t mind letting you explore whatever you need to explore to get it out of your system, and to keep you away from Azarin.” She stops, looking him in the eyes and placing a hand on the cheek where his scarred skin meets his hair. “Azula told me about how your father sleeps with men sometimes, and that it isn’t really a risk for someone in the Royal Family. She basically defended you, Zuko.”

He doesn’t know what to say. Azula  _ defended _ him? Mai is okay with him...exploring? He also just opened up to the three people he never wants rooting around in his mind. Is the universe imploding, or something?

“I don’t know what to say…” Zuko’s voice is low. “What if I hurt you again?”

“You won’t. You said yourself that it’s not that you don’t like girls. So, you like both and that’s  _ okay, _ Zuko.” Mai pulls him in for a brief kiss, even while Zuko is still clearly too shocked to put much effort into it. “Besides, I have Ty Lee as my bodyguard. She’ll kick you in the crotch if you do it again.”

Smiling, Zuko presses his lips to Mai’s forehead, and they start walking again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for all your encouraging messages ;__;
> 
> this chapter will be the last for a short while, but I'll be back before you know it! i have a few episodes to cover on azarin's end, so I'll be writing when I can, just a bit slower.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed zuko's gay angst <3


	35. answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: forever... (is a long time) - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode four: sokka's master
> 
> please note that the end of this chapter is set AFTER the beach episode :3
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

The last week or so has been...odd. If Sokka isn’t uptight about keeping their “schedule,” he’s feeling down about being the only person in the group that isn’t a bender. Azarin knows before they were in the Fire Nation, Sokka must have felt less alone in that aspect because Azarin’s bending had been more off than on. But now that they’re constantly around firebenders, Azarin never loses his bending, and Sokka has to have noticed.

Azarin also thinks that Sokka is more upset about their... _ thing _ ending than he had initially led on. When Azarin tries to flirt with him, Sokka just smiles in return, When Azarin tries to show him any kind of affection, Sokka denies it. Azarin feels terrible for hurting Sokka and making him feel like he always comes second, but they both know it wouldn’t have gone anywhere in the end. He knows that has to be adding to Sokka’s mood swings. Then again, Azarin doesn’t want to think everything is about him.

While they’re out shopping for Sokka some new weapons to make him feel better, Azarin sparks an idea once he recognizes the craftsmanship on the sword Sokka is admiring. He pulls Sokka to face him, smiling. “Sokka...you don’t just need a new weapon. You need a  _ master, _ someone to teach you things that none of us know.”

Hearing this, Aang steps to them, nodding. “Yeah! We’ve all had masters and teachers to help us get better.”

“That’s a great idea!” Katara exclaims, eyes gleaming at her brother. Azarin thinks it’s cute. “I never could’ve gotten to where I am without Master Pakku. Everyone needs a teacher.”

Azarin takes Sokka’s shoulders in his hands, shaking him a little. “The guy who made that sword you like? He’s the greatest sword master and maker in the history of the Fire Nation. He taught Zuko how to handle dual swords when he took an interest. Maybe he’ll remember me and teach you, too!”

“I don’t know…” Sokka still seems down, but his eyes hold a glimmer of excitement in them. “Do you really think he’ll teach me?”

“From what I remember, Master Piandao is patient and kind.” Azarin smiles, and nods. “I’m positive he’ll teach you. His place isn’t too far from here...I’ll go with you, okay?”

At this, Sokka actually smiles and nods in return.

The rest of the group stays with Appa while Sokka and Azarin make their way to Piandao’s castle. Once there, Azarin announces to the butler that he has a pupil for the Master, and after the butler’s negative attitude about it, they make their way inside. Azarin can tell Sokka is extremely nervous so he tries to take the other’s hand, but Sokka pulls it back. Azarin sighs.

Azarin goes in first while Sokka waits in the doorway. He approaches the Master as he sits and paints facing a window. “Master Piandao, I don’t know if you remember me. I am Prince Zuko’s friend, Azarin. I was there while you trained Zuko on how to handle swords.”

Piandao stands and turns to face Azarin. There’s the smallest hint of a smile on his lips, which sends relief washing over Azarin...he’d been afraid the Master wouldn’t remember him. “Azarin...you’ve grown well. When I heard news of the prince’s return, I assumed you would be with him as well. It’s nice to have you back home, son. Where  _ is _ that impatient prince, then?”

“Uh…” Out of habit, Azarin bows. “I actually didn’t return  _ with _ Zuko. I’m here with a new friend, and he wants to learn from you. I said I’d put in a good word.”

Looking him over for a moment, Piandao nods. “But first, show me how well you’ve fared with your bending.”

Immediately, Azarin goes into a display of firebending that he hasn’t gotten to use in a long while. He’s only been using his bending for training or fighting lately; he’s almost forgotten how incredible just bending for show can feel.

When he’s finished, he bows to the Master again. “I hope I haven’t disappointed you.”

To Azarin’s surprise, Piandao laughs. He places a hand on Azarin’s shoulder. “Far from it, son. I have no doubt in my mind that you’re an incredible fighter. Now…” He turns and goes back to sitting in front of the window to paint. “Where is this friend of yours?”

Azarin motions for Sokka to come in, then steps to the side. Sokka does a terrible job at selling himself, probably because of his beaten down mood, but in the end Master Piandao agrees to train him. Azarin is proud, and excited to see Sokka grow and find something that makes him happy, something that makes him feel special. Sokka deserves that, and so much more.

It’s an extremely long day and Sokka is very  _ creative _ when facing Master Piandao’s challenges. Azarin will give him that much. When he had watched Zuko learn, there was a lot of frustration and yelling and wanting everything to be perfect. Sokka is doing things his own way, even if they aren’t perfect. Azarin thinks that’s just as good.

Near the end of the day, Piandao wants Sokka to try to fight Azarin with his wooden sword. Azarin doesn’t think that’s a good idea, but he isn’t about to go against what the Master wants. He knows Piandao has a plan, and that it’ll work regardless of what two teenage boys think of it.

“The world is full of benders, Sokka,” Master Piandao goes on, while Azarin stretches out his legs and arms from sitting down for so long. “If you’re going to fight, then you must learn to both defend yourself against them as well as turn their own talents against them. Go ahead, Azarin.”

On cue, Azarin attacks Sokka with a small stream of fire. Sokka yelps and steps back; Azarin looks to Piandao nervously, who motions for him to continue. Letting out a sigh, Azarin continues his attacks: fist, foot, fist, foot, one after another until Sokka is backed into a wall.

“Isn’t this a  _ little _ unfair?!” Sokka exclaims, making Azairn laugh a little. “He’s fighting with  _ fire _ and I have a sword made of  _ wood!” _

“Use his bending  _ against _ him, Sokka!” Piandao calls, and Azarin still doesn’t know what he means, but Sokka pokes his chest with the sword to get him away and Azarin backs up so they can spar again.

Azarin strikes first again and this time, Sokka tries to dissipate the fire by slashing through it with his sword, but the sword just catches fire. Sokka screams a little but doesn’t drop it like Azarin thinks he will. He actually stares at the flames, then looks back to Azarin. “Use his bending against him…” He repeats the Master’s words to himself, then starts slashing the flaming sword back and forth.

Azarin backs away but still keeps attacking, even with the rising sense of pride in his chest at Sokka’s resourcefulness. Now, Sokka can effectively defend himself from Azarin’s attacks because his sword is already on fire, so he gets closer and closer until Azarin is the one defending himself from Sokka. He ends up on his back on the ground, Sokka’s flaming blade pointing at his nose until it becomes too hot for Sokka to hold. He throws it on the ground and helps Azarin up, both of them smiling.

“You did a great job, twerp,” Azarin says, wrapping his arms around the other.

To his surprise, Sokka returns it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They spend the night in the castle, after sending a messenger hawk to Aang, Katara, and Toph explaining what’s going on. When Azarin comes back from washing up for the night, Sokka is sitting on his bed and staring at the floor. Despite the wonderful day of training he’s had, he still seems upset about something. Azarin moves past his own bed and sits next to Sokka.

“Hey…” He starts, placing a hand on Sokka’s back. “You did amazing today, Sokka. What’s wrong?”

Sokka shrugs, and shakes his head. “I only got this far because of you, and because he thinks I’m from the Fire Nation. I don’t deserve to make my own sword tomorrow.”

“Sokka, no...none of that is true. Hey, look at me,” Azarin pulls Sokka’s head up by his chin. The sadness in the other’s eyes is heart-clenching, to say the least. “You got this far because you  _ earned it. _ Master Piandao doesn’t teach anyone he doesn’t want to teach. You convinced him that you're worthy of teaching...I had nothing to do with that at all. That was all you, Sokka.”

Sokka’s eyes don’t change much at all, they just close as he leans in closer to Azarin, which is strange because Sokka has been denying even the smallest of Azarin’s harmless advances for days. Even if it’s confusing, Azarin lets Sokka kiss him because it’s warm and familiar and it’ll make Sokka feel better. Sokka is hesitant and it shows, especially in the way he pulls back after an incredibly short time of their lips moving together. Azarin doesn’t know what he’s thinking but he isn’t going to stop him.

“I’ve missed kissing you…” Sokka says. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip and slides his hand up Azarin’s bare chest to thread in his hair, making Azarin smile a bit. Sokka smiles back, but it fades after a split second. “I guess it was a distraction for me, too. I don’t know. The excitement of it kept me from thinking about how alone I feel.”

Azarin nods. He reaches up and takes the tie out of Sokka’s hair, letting it fall to frame his face in the  _ most _ attractive way. “I understand. Just...please don’t give up on swordsmanship. You’re so good at it, Sokka, you—” Before Azarin can finish, Sokka’s lips are pressed to his again, most likely to shut him up. He isn’t complaining.

“I don’t need your encouragement right now, Azarin,” Sokka breathes this against the skin of Azarin’s jawline as he moves to the other’s ear. “I need you to distract me.”

Azarin gets the message.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sokka finishes his training gracefully, even after telling Master Piandao that he’s from the Southern Water Tribe and fighting Piandao himself. He leaves with a sword made from space rock, and everyone is more proud of him than they’ve ever been, especially Azarin. Sokka overcame his fear of being useless and talentless and rose above his disadvantage, something that Azarin barely had the courage to do when he lost his bending. He’s incredibly proud of Sokka, and that definitely  _ isn’t _ the high from their hours-long makeout session talking.

Somehow, while telling Aang, Katara, and Toph everything that happened while they weren’t there, they end up on the subject of Zuko. Maybe it’s because the only reason Azarin knew about Master Piandao was because he also trained Zuko, or maybe he just naturally brings him up and everyone is too afraid to change the subject. Either way, he’s left talking about how he feels in front of everyone even if it makes him uncomfortable. He knows he should, he knows he needs to communicate with his friends instead of shutting them out because the last time he did that was in Ba Sing Se and Katara got captured by Azula. He knows he needs to, but he can’t help feeling vulnerable now whenever the subject of Zuko comes up.

“I just hope you’re ready to see him when the invasion comes,” Aang comments, with a shrug. “I hope you don’t stay focused on him when we should be focused on the Fire Lord.”

Azarin rolls his eyes and lies back on the ground behind him. “I’m not stupid, Aang. I know that’s the point of the invasion, I’m not gonna go off on some Zuko-crazed mission even if we  _ do _ end up seeing him.”

“Yeah, with our luck they’ll use Zuko as a distraction and waste all of our time,” Sokka adds, with a yawn. “The eclipse only lasts for eight minutes. We have to be quick.”

“Funny, that’s  _ exactly _ what I was afraid would happen if Azarin shouted to the whole world that he’s in love with Zuko.” Katara’s look is pointed, but Azarin waves her off.

“Save your ‘I told you so’ for something that’s not hypothetical.”

“Do you think he misses you?” Toph randomly blurts out, and they all stare at her. She shrugs. “What? It’s a legitimate question. Azarin’s argument after Ba Sing Se was that Zuko would realize how lonely he is and he’ll come to his senses. That requires missing you, right?”

Azarin sits up again, letting out a sigh. He honestly doesn’t know and he isn’t sure he wants to. “Part of me hopes he does. Another part — the more rational, realistic part — knows Zuko too well. That part of me knows that Zuko’s pride is bigger than anything else, even his love for me as his friend. He thinks I betrayed him...I don’t think finding out I’ve been in love with him this whole time is going to change that.  _ But…” _

“But…?” Katara repeats, while Azarin gathers his thoughts. He recalls the soft tone of Zuko’s voice in Ba Sing Se, his gentle touch, his genuine apology and warm smiles. He shakes his head.

“The way he acted in the tea shop was just so bizarre. It was so unlike him that I didn’t know how to process it. So I guess...I guess I don’t know him as well as I did, and he could very well miss me and Iroh enough to make him realize all the things he’s done wrong.”

Azarin feels a hand on his arm and he looks over to see Sokka smiling at him. “I’m sure he will. He has to...you're a catch.”

At this, Azarin actually laughs. “Well thanks, Sokka.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later in the night (more like early morning) Azarin is pushed awake and groggily fights back for a few moments before he realizes it’s Sokka.  _ “How _ many times are you gonna wake me up in the middle of the night, twerp?”

“Shh!” Sokka shushes Azarin with a finger to his mouth. “Don’t wake up the others. Grab some clothes and let’s go.”

Too sleepy to argue, Azarin quickly and quietly changes out of his sleep clothes and pulls his hair up while Sokka walks into the darkness of the city around them, map outstretched in front of him. Azarin jogs up to him and waves a hand in his face. “Do you mind telling me where we’re going?”

Sokka looks up from the map to smile at Azarin. “To see Zuko.”

Azarin stops walking and grabs Sokka by the arm.  _ “What? _ Are you out of your damn mind?!”

“Look,” Sokka starts as he rolls up his map and shoves it into his bag. “You helped me with my peace of mind, now I’m gonna help you with yours. We’re gonna go see Zuko, and we’re gonna get some answers from him...one way or another.”

Blinking out of pure shock, Azarin lets go of Sokka’s arm. His heartbeat picks up its pace in his chest. “Sokka, that’s…”

“Extremely thoughtful? The best idea I’ve had in a while?” Sokka’s expression lights up, and while Azarin agrees with the first sentiment, the last one might not be so true.

He sighs. “I was gonna say dangerous, but sure.”

Sokka runs his hands down his face dramatically. “I just want you to be okay, and less confused. I guess I acted too quickly…”

“No, Sokka, you’re right,” Azarin is quick to reassure the other boy with a smile. “It  _ is _ extremely thoughtful, but you’re forgetting that to be able to talk to Zuko, we also have to deal with Azula. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to talk to him alone without  _ her _ in his ear telling him everything I’m saying is lies.”

“You’re forgetting one  _ crucial _ thing, Azarin,” Sokka says this with half of a smirk on his face, then pulls Azarin down into a brief, but deep, kiss. When he pulls away, he’s grinning wide. “I am one  _ hell _ of a distraction.”

It’s dawn before they ever even reach the Fire Nation capital, much less the palace. Luckily, Azarin knows his way in and out of the palace like the back of his hand, so it isn’t much longer before they’re sneaking into the courtyard during a guard shift change. Azarin thinks it’s a good idea to stay outside in case there’s more guards inside the palace, so they wait for any sign of Zuko beside the stairs that lead from the walkway down onto the grass.

Sokka is halfway asleep when a miracle happens; Zuko is making his way from inside the palace to the pond where he feeds the turtleducks some bread. Azarin’s mind is flashing with memories but he tries his best to stay in the present, where Zuko’s hair is down and his shoulders are partially exposed from his loose robes. Azarin’s eyes rake over Zuko’s sharp jawline and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone as beautiful as him. He shakes Sokka to wake him up.

“Look, he’s feeding the turtleducks...how cute,” Azarin says, smiling a little to himself.

Sokka rolls his eyes.  _ “Wow, _ Azarin, he’s literally throwing bread into a pond. How whipped  _ are _ you?”

Azarin hits Sokka in the chest, but doesn’t respond.

Zuko stays at the pond and looks around a little, like he’s waiting for someone. It doesn’t take long for that someone to show up, and it’s Mai. For some reason seeing her makes Azarin incredibly anxious. Maybe it’s the way she wraps her arms around Zuko’s shoulders, or the way she kisses him.

Azarin feels the entire world falling, or maybe that’s just his stomach falling into his knees. He can’t be jealous of this, though, not when he and Sokka have been doing the same thing (if not worse) for  _ weeks _ now. He has no right to feel this way, to be jealous...but this doesn’t seem like just a casual kiss. It looks like it  _ means _ something, like there’s more there than simply physical attraction. Maybe that’s why seeing it makes Azarin’s chest feel like it’s going to implode, because he doesn’t feel that with Sokka. He can’t feel that with Sokka because of how utterly in love with Zuko he is.

“Azarin...are you okay?”

Sokka’s whisper breaks him out of his thoughts. Azarin shakes his head, then nods, then shakes his head again, completely unsure of what he means. “I...I don’t know. I’m not, but I don’t have a right to not be okay. I’ve done a lot more kissing than that, with you.”

Sokka’s hand rubs his shoulder. “Yeah…”

Azarin goes back to watching them as they sit down on the grass. Mai has her head leaning on Zuko’s shoulder, and he has an arm wrapped around her. They don’t speak much at all, and if they do it’s so low that Azarin can barely hear it...but he does hear  _ one _ thing. He hears Zuko tell her he loves her.

Azarin doesn’t know what happens to him next. His mind is screaming at him to move, to get up, to do something, but his entire body is frozen and his chest is burning and hot tears are flowing down his face. He can feel Sokka’s hands on him and voice in his ears, but it’s muffled and low and everything is moving so slow...

Zuko doesn’t miss him. Zuko doesn’t love him. Zuko will never love him, why would he? Zuko doesn’t love boys, he loves girls. He loves Mai. Zuko is happy with his perfect life back to the way it was, just without Azarin in it.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, Azarin moves. He stands up and pulls his arm from Sokka’s grip, ignoring whatever it is that Sokka is trying to whisper to him. Azarin marches up behind Zuko and Mai and bends fire between them to separate them.

Zuko turns quickly to look at him, eyes widening as he stands up. “Azarin? What are you—”

“You know, I came here to get answers from you. I came here to get clarity, because I keep losing my fucking mind trying to figure out who you are now, or what decision you’re going to make.” Azarin’s voice is smooth and even though he feels so weak he thinks he might pass out. His eyes flicker to Mai for just a moment before returning to Zuko. “But you’ve clearly already made it. So I’ll just leave you alone.”

“Yeah, that’s probably best,” Mai responds, voice venomous, and Azarin doesn’t waste another second. He sends fire toward her that Zuko blocks with his own attack.

“Mai, go inside.” Zuko says. When she starts to protest, he gets louder. _“Go._ _Inside.”_ She does as he says, but not without a few pointed looks toward Azarin which he returns tenfold. Zuko turns back to him. “You need to get out of here. Azula is going to _kill_ you.”

Azarin shakes his head, hands curled into fists, tears still spilling from his eyes. “I’m not leaving until we talk. You  _ know _ I’m not scared of Azula.”

Zuko lets out a sigh and then looks behind him, using his hands to shove Azarin toward the stairs. Sokka is still there, peering from behind the railing. Zuko gives him a questioning look. “Sokka?”

“Hey,  _ jerk,” _ Sokka’s eyes are narrowed, but he doesn’t say anything else.

Zuko looks back to Azarin, who still feels like every look from the prince is a stab in the chest. “I’m not exaggerating, Azarin, my father has made it Azula’s new mission to kill you. He’s going to start another search for spellbenders after Sozin’s Comet.”

“I’m not here to talk about your father or Azula, I’m here to talk about  _ you, _ Zuko,” Azarin steps forward, raising his voice a little as Zuko steps back from him. Zuko’s eyes are filled with fear and something else, but Azarin isn’t thinking clearly enough to realize what it is. “You’re a piece of shit, you know that? Your best friend told you he’s in love with you and your uncle got put in jail, and you’re here on a morning picnic with your fucking girlfriend like everything is  _ just fine.” _

“You didn’t  _ tell me _ anything! You shouted it at Azula!” Zuko shakes his head and Azarin wants to smack him. He wants to punch him  _ so _ fucking badly. “What did you expect me to do, Azarin? You screamed that you were in love with me and then  _ left! _ How the hell was I supposed to do anything about it?”

Azarin shoves Zuko back, hard.  _ “Something. _ You could have done something. You came back here with all the resources in the world and a nation that looks the other way when it comes to their precious Royal Family. You could have  _ tried, _ Zuko. Anything. You could have tried anything. Instead, you chose to ignore it.”

“What choice did I have?!” Zuko is gripping his hair, eyes wide and Azarin hasn’t seen him like this since he realized he might not ever catch the Avatar. “It’s not like I didn’t  _ want _ to talk to you about it, Azarin, I literally  _ couldn’t!” _

“No, you  _ wouldn’t.” _ Azarin’s tone is harsh and it actually makes Zuko flinch back a little. “If you wanted to, you would have found a way.”

At this, Zuko’s shoulders fall. His expression turns from frustrated to what seems like sad, or confused. He sighs, and Azarin thinks he can see the twinkle of a tear or two in his eyes. That makes his heart hurt even more than it had been before.

“You’re right…” Zuko says, and wipes a tear away. “You’re right. I should have tried. I guess I got happy with my life here and I put it off...if I’m as frustrated and confused with what happened as I am, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

Azarin opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He actually scoffs before finding the words he wants. “Welcome to the last nine years of my life, Zuko.”

“Azarin…” Zuko trails off.

“Loving you is so insanely fucking difficult, Zuko. It’s so hard. You make it  _ so hard _ to love you. It hurts more than I can even begin to describe...and yet, I do it. I  _ still _ love you, even after all of this mess.” Azarin’s eyes wash over Zuko and stop on his wrists, which are completely bare. He reaches for Zuko’s arm and holds it up, pointing to the skin there. “The sad part is, even though you’ve torn my heart out and stomped on it today, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. But I  _ want _ to stop, because it just...it hurts so much. I can’t get rid of you and  _ that’s _ what kills me.” He shoves Zuko’s arm back to him. “Where’s my mother’s bracelet? I want it back.  _ Now.” _

Zuko stares at him. Azarin goes to demand the bracelet back again, but Zuko shoves him just as hard as Azarin had shoved him a few moments ago. “You _really_ think this has been easy for me? That I’ve been _enjoying_ thinking about the last nine years and all the shit I’ve missed because I’m too selfish to notice that my best friend is _in love_ with me?” Stepping forward, Zuko’s eyes spill tears as he glares up at Azarin. “Just because I’m trying to enjoy what I have now doesn’t mean I’m not _fucking_ _devastated_ about what I missed.”

Azarin’s throat fills with flames and he spits them out as he speaks, his blood boiling. “Then  _ do _ something about it, Zuko. Make a decision that isn’t just to serve yourself for once!” They’re so close that Azarin thinks the fire spilling from his mouth is going to burn Zuko. Still, the prince remains where he is, amber eyes roaming over Azarin’s face, ending at his lips, and for a split second Azarin thinks Zuko is going to kiss him. That’s taken away quickly when Azula’s voice comes from beside them.

“It’s far too early for this,” she says, stretching her arms above her head and yawning. Her eyes lock on Azarin and she shrugs. “But it’s  _ never _ too early to kill a leech.”

Azarin is fully prepared for what comes next; Azula shoots her blue flames at him and Sokka, to which Sokka pulls out his new sword and runs toward her while Zuko and Azarin avoid the attack. Azarin looks back up at Zuko, a little expectantly. “Sokka can’t hold her off for long.  _ Make _ a decision, Zuko.”

The prince shakes his head, more tears falling down his cheeks. “I-I don’t know...Azarin,  _ please _ just give me some time…”

“You’ve had long enough!” Azarin shouts, fire shooting from his palms down toward the ground. “This is the  _ last _ chance I’m giving you to make the right choice. Forget about how I feel for you, forget about your father and Azula and Iroh, forget about Mai...what do  _ you _ want, Zuko? Do you want to stay here in this palace while the rest of the world suffers at the hands of your nation?”

Behind them, Azula and Sokka are going back and forth while the two of them just stand there, staring at each other. Zuko’s eyes are filled with so much anguish, and Azarin wants him to use that feeling to make the right choice for once in his life, instead of using it to fuel his anger and pride. Azarin knows he won’t, though.

“I don’t know what I want... _ I don’t know, _ okay?” Zuko’s voice rises and his tears stop. “You can’t just come here and give me an ultimatum like this! It isn’t fair!”

Azarin grips Zuko’s robes and pulls him forward, lowering his voice dangerously.  _ “Life _ isn’t fair, Zuko. It wasn’t fair for me to lose my mother, it wasn’t fair that no one told me I’m a spellbender, it wasn’t fair that my father burned me more than once for being in love with you, it’s not fair that after nine years of being your best friend and trying to do what’s right, you’re still going to turn your back on me.”

_ “You _ turned your back on  _ me, _ Azarin! You  _ left _ when I needed my best friend the most!” Zuko shoves Azarin back again. “Just because you made the right decision for you doesn’t mean it’s the right one for me. Am I supposed to betray the decision I made in Ba Sing Se and just leave with you? Is that what you wanted when you came here? You and I to walk off into the sunset together?”

Azarin seethes. He doesn’t exactly have a good response, but he knows Zuko is making him more angry the more he speaks.  _ “Fuck _ you, Zuko. I’m fucking  _ done _ with you, and that’s a goddamn promise. I won’t let you break my heart any more than you already have with your selfish decisions. I’m done waiting on you to make the right choice. Enjoy your life here,  _ Prince _ Zuko.” Azarin rounds Zuko and shoots flames toward Azula, who has Sokka backed into a wall. “I’m over here, Azula. Come get me.”

She turns and grins in his direction then attacks him. She pauses when she sees Zuko just standing by the stairs. “What are you doing?!  _ Help _ me!”

Azarin feels like they’re back in Ba Sing Se again, except this time he isn’t going to be blindsided by the decision Zuko makes. He’s lost all hope for Zuko ever becoming the person Azarin thought he could once be, the person he spent years being in love with, the person he supported and gave his all to. That person is gone, and in his place is someone that eerily resembles Ozai.

Zuko and Azula both send an attack toward him at the same time. Azarin jumps back and kicks off the tree behind him, then uses his feet to attack Azula and his fists to send a stream of fire toward Zuko from the air. When he lands, he grabs Sokka by the arm and lets the other deflect attacks with his sword as they try to get away.

They’re almost to the back gate when Azarin hears that all too familiar crackling of lightning. Immediately, he shoves Sokka behind him just in time to take in the strike with his fingers. Azarin lets out a breath and releases the energy straight up into the air with his other hand. When he looks back down, Zuko is nowhere near Azula like he had been in Ba Sing Se. He hadn’t tried to stop her like he had then...he’s just watching everything unfold.

Azarin’s breaths are heavy as he locks his black eyes with golden ones. Sokka is pulling his arm but Azarin stays rooted to his spot, even as Zuko begins moving toward him. “Ursa would be so fucking disappointed in you.”

Zuko stops and his eyes widen in shock. Before he or Azula can say or do anything else, though, Azarin bends a wall of fire onto the ground to keep them from following and lets Sokka pull him outside the gate. They run from the palace guards and hide in an abandoned house once they’re able to. Sokka wraps his arms around Azarin once they both catch their breath, and Azarin returns it, holding Sokka to him for a long while.

“I’m  _ so _ sorry, Azarin, this was such a terrible idea and I’m just so sorry that I made all this happen to you, I—”

“Stop, Sokka,” Azarin lets go of Sokka, shaking his head. He feels empty, and exhausted. He doesn’t even have it in him to cry anymore. “We went there for answers. We got them. Just because it wasn’t what we —  _ what I _ — was hoping would happen, doesn’t mean we didn’t get what we were looking for.”

Nodding, Sokka sighs. “I guess you’re right...I’m just so sorry that he keeps hurting you like this.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

They lean against the wall as they sit on the floor next to each other for a few moments. Azarin doesn’t want to think, he doesn’t want to even exist right now. He wants to sink into the floor and just disappear for a while. Zuko completely and absolutely drains him, whether it’s being around him or even just thinking about him. Zuko is draining. Hopefully, now that all of this has happened and he finally has some answers, Azarin can start letting him go.

“Hey, I held off Azula for a good bit, aren’t you proud of me?” Sokka’s voice is a little brighter, and it makes Azarin smile. He pats Sokka on the leg.

“Of course I am,” he says, then stands up, stretching a little. “Let’s just get back and figure out a way to explain all of this to everyone. I’m exhausted, and hungry.”

“Oh, oh, I’m  _ starving! _ Do you have your money with you? Can we stop and get some fresh meat to cook when we get back?!” Sokka’s stomach growls as if on cue, making Azarin shake his head as they walk through the streets. Sokka really is one hell of a distraction.


	36. pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: bruises - lewis capaldi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode six: the avatar and the fire lord
> 
> tw: physical violence, blood 
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

_ You’re a piece of shit _

_ You chose to ignore it _

_ Welcome to the last nine years of my life _

_ You make it so hard to love you _

_ Make a decision, Zuko. _

_ What do you want, Zuko. _

_ Life isn’t fair, Zuko. _

_ Fuck you, Zuko. _

_ Ursa would be so fucking disappointed in you. _

  
  
  


Zuko jerks awake in a cold sweat, Azarin’s name on the tip of his tongue. His breaths are heavy and his eyes take a few moments to adjust to the darkness around him; he looks to his bedside table and opens the drawer, seeing the prince’s crown wrapped gently in a cloth. He had hoped it wouldn’t be there, that the events of the last few hours hadn’t happened. He wishes they were a dream, because the information he learned didn’t help him at all. It only confused him more.

His uncle had confirmed what Mai said was speculated: Avatar Roku and Fire Lord Sozin had been in a relationship in secret, even without their wives’ knowledge. Sozin’s thirst for expansion drove them apart and to spite Roku, the Fire Lord made same gender relationships a criminal offense in the Fire Nation. It was punishable by death. Zuko had wondered who he was actually trying to punish...Roku or himself.

Iroh told him about his mother, and Azarin’s mother. How he kept their secret and helped them be together after he had learned of it, even despite Zuko’s mother being married to his brother. Iroh had said that true love always deserves to flourish, even if it becomes complicated in the process. Manami means beauty, and she never had the chance to shine because the world wasn’t ready for the love she had for Ursa. She had to wither to give the world Azarin...Azarin, who is more like Zuko’s mother than Zuko himself is.

Azarin was right. Ursa would be so,  _ so _ fucking disappointed in him.

If Zuko said he hadn’t been relating Azarin to Roku and himself to Sozin when he read Sozin’s final testament, he’d be lying. The things Roku said to Sozin were so similar to the things Azarin has said to Zuko, and knowing they loved each other as more than friends even if it was wiped from written history...it just made it that much more painful for Zuko to try to comprehend.

If he thinks about it hard enough, he realizes that he’s letting his father and Azula manipulate how he truly feels. His father is trying to distract him with boys, boys that Zuko has no idea where they come from, just that they wait for him in his bedroom and Zuko has to give them money to get them to leave. His father is trying to keep him from thinking about Azarin, from letting Azarin’s choices influence him. He’s trying to distract Zuko with what he views as the same thing just slightly different, but Zuko now sees right through it.

And Azula isn’t even shy about it. She catches him in his thoughts and automatically assumes he’s thinking about Azarin, joking that he’ll be dead soon so Zuko needs to get his mourning over with. If she’s going to kill him, why hasn’t she left yet? Why is she still here wasting time? Why is she babysitting her older brother if their father wants her to kill the boy that loves him?

This isn’t the first time their story has been told. It started with Sozin and Roku, then Ursa and Manami, and now Zuko and Azarin. This is a cycle of people falling in love with each other and letting everything and everyone around them influence their love until it explodes and ends up killing one of them. Zuko refuses to let that happen to himself and Azarin, because he knows that in the end Azarin would be the one dead. Zuko now realizes that he couldn’t handle that, he doesn’t want to be in any position to have to even  _ try _ and handle that. He’d rather have Azarin alive and hating him than dead.

_ “How long have you known?” Zuko questions, wiping the tears flowing off of his chin. “How long did you know that Azarin was in love with me?” _

_ “Your mother told me before she left. Azarin had confessed to her the night Zhao burned him, just before the dinner with his father.” Iroh speaks evenly, but shuts his eyes as he takes in a deep breath. “Azarin was still so emotional from his conversation with Ursa that he stood up to his father and told him about his feelings for you...that is when Zhao burned him.” _

_ Zuko drops to his knees, fingers gripping the stone floor so hard that his fingernails rip and bleed. When he speaks again, his voice is weak. “Azarin loved me even after his father burned him for it. My father burned me and I thought...I thought I had to  _ **_become_ ** _ him to overcome it.” _

_ “Do you want to know what I told Azarin that night he hurt you?” When Zuko just barely nods in response, his uncle continues. “I told him that one day, he and my nephew will be just as beautiful and happy together as their mothers were. I still believe that.” _

_ “I…” Zuko shakes his head, tears still pulsing from his eyes. “He hates me, uncle. I waited too long to make the right choice and now he wants nothing to do with me. How do I prove to Aang that I’m on his side if Azarin fucking  _ **_despises_ ** _ me for how much I’ve hurt him?” _

_ Iroh hums, and nods. “Love is painful, especially when not returned. Azarin has loved you for a very long time, and his pain has now turned to anger. When he realizes that his anger is not with you, it is with himself, then he will let you in...but you cannot force it.” _

Recalling his conversation with his uncle earlier that night is almost too painful. Zuko not only has the weight of his family’s sins on his shoulders, but now the crushing weight of Azarin’s love and all that it entails. Zuko doesn’t know why he expected to be able to sleep.

He picks up the prince’s crown from his drawer and runs his fingers over the cold metal for a few moments before putting it back, then getting up and pulling on whatever robes he can find and heading down the hall. He comes to Azarin’s old bedroom and doesn’t hesitate before going in this time. Zuko’s chest is tight with anxiety when he lifts the old pillows and sees Azarin’s mother’s bracelet still sitting there...Azula hadn’t found it yet. The prince grabs it, puts it in his pocket, and exits the palace.

Finally, after so many years, so many fights, and so much pain, Zuko has made a decision.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin can’t sleep.

The information Aang had received on his spirit journey with Roku keeps rattling in his mind. It was good, the message Aang got from it was good, but Azarin can’t help the way his mind works. He only focuses on the fact that here, in the Fire Nation where he’s from, romantic or sexual relationships with people of the same gender are illegal. How had he not known that his entire life? How did he not find out living at the palace, being around government officials and two different Fire Lords constantly?

He supposes that just like everything else that happens in the Fire Nation, it’s swept under the rug and avoided unless it’s relevant. Azarin just can’t believe that even after he confessed to Ursa, and had conversations with Iroh, that they didn’t tell him. He wants to feel betrayed, but he can’t. They probably did it to protect him, to keep him from feeling like he’s wrong for being himself. They did a good job, at least.

But what about his father? Zhao wouldn’t have wanted to protect him, but it explains why he was trying so hard to make Azarin  _ not _ that way. To him, forcing his son to live a life he doesn’t want to was better than his son being dead. Maybe Zhao really was trying to protect him, in his own sick and twisted way.

The worst of all of this information is knowing that Fire Lord Sozin let his lover die so he could start the war. Power mattered more to him than his lifelong friendship and lifelong love. It all just feels so fucking familiar that Azarin feels sick. What if Zuko actually can’t help how he’s acting? What if it’s in his blood? What if it’s his destiny?

No. If Azarin can change his destiny, then Zuko can change his own. The only difference between them is that Azarin actually took action to do it, while Zuko is still sitting in his past and letting all the confusion eat him alive. Zuko will never make a decision, but even if he does, it won’t be the right one. History has now shown otherwise.

“Hey, you can’t sleep too?” Katara’s voice comes from beside him and she sits up, placing a hand on his shoulder with a sigh. “You wanna go for a walk?” Azarin nods, but he doesn’t think he can speak. His mind is racing too much. He gets out of his sleeping bag and doesn’t bother trying to find a shirt to put on; it’s only Katara.

She takes his hand, lacing their fingers together, and they walk down the rock path into the harbor town. It’s extremely late, so there’s no one around, but even if there were they would just look like two teenage lovers taking a night stroll. That thought is both amusing to Azarin and heartbreaking, after learning the things he did today.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s going on, or should I start?” Katara’s voice is soft and welcoming, but still Azarin can’t find it in himself to speak. He shrugs, so she continues. “I can’t shake the feeling that we’re missing something from what Roku showed Aang...like a message. It just...it feels like a warning to me, like he’s telling us not to trust the Royal Family. But Aang thinks it’s the opposite and even used you as an example but...there’s a difference between someone choosing to do the right thing at the right time, and someone making wrong decision after wrong decision, over and over again. I mean...am I crazy for thinking that?”

Again, Azarin shrugs, but somehow finds his voice even if it’s weak. “You’re not crazy. Aang is naive, even if he’s the Avatar. I’m not a part of the Royal Family, I just grew up with them, so using me as an example of being able to trust them doesn’t even make sense. Zuko and Azula have the kind of hatred that Sozin spread to the world in their blood...I used to think Zuko could rise above it. I was wrong.”

“Exactly. And Roku being the Avatar doesn’t make him a good example of someone to trust from the Fire Nation, either. The Avatar is  _ supposed _ to maintain balance and keep peace... _ of course _ they’re going to be a good person.” Katara lets out a long sigh. Azarin knows she must be worried about Aang making the wrong decision if this is what’s keeping her awake. “I can’t help thinking that Aang is being extremely naive, and I hate myself for that…”

“Don’t,” Azarin responds, trying to smile. “Even if we’re wrong, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. I don’t think Roku’s message is exactly  _ clear, _ anyway. He obviously meant it for more than just Aang, especially if he mentioned me, too. He just can’t contact me directly, so he did it through Aang while also giving Aang a message of his own…”

Pulling Azarin closer to her, Katara rests her head on his shoulder as they walk. They’ve reached the trail that leads into the capital now. “Do you think Roku was trying to warn  _ you? _ About Zuko?”

Azarin nods. “He probably was, yeah. I don’t see any other reason for him bringing me up to Aang, telling Aang that he and Sozin were together, or showing Aang how he died by Sozin betraying him. It all mirrors what’s happened with me and Zuko so well, even in a much shorter amount of time. I’m not the Avatar in the story, but I can definitely relate to Roku.” He doesn’t like thinking about it, but he knows it’s true. In the story of Roku and Sozin, he’s Roku and Zuko is Sozin. It’s painful thinking about how their story is going to end.

“Azarin?” The voice is distant and familiar...Katara and Azarin look ahead of them in the darkness. There’s someone there, but they can’t make out who because they’re so far away. The person starts running toward them and they stop walking, both of them assuming a bending stance. Azarin’s falters for the slightest of seconds when he sees it’s Zuko. “Azarin, hey! I was actually looking for you, I--”

Both Azarin and Katara attack. Katara takes water from the small stream running down the slope next to them and forms it into sharp pieces of ice to shoot at Zuko. He ducks to avoid them but can’t avoid the fire sent to him from Azarin, it catches his hood on fire and Zuko sheds the cloth quickly so he doesn’t get burned. Strangely, he isn’t countering with attacks of his own. His hands are out in front of him like he’s trying his hardest to  _ avoid _ attacking them.

Katara puts her arm in front of Azarin to prevent him from attacking again. He looks at her with his hands on fire. “What are you doing?!”

“He’s not fighting back,” Katara’s eyes never leave Zuko as she speaks. “I want to know why.”

Zuko’s breaths are heavy as he looks between the two of them. “All I want is to give this back to Azarin, like he asked.” The prince reaches into his pocket and pulls out the bracelet Azarin had given him, offering it to Azarin with a soft smile...a smile that greatly resembles the ones he gave Azarin in the tea shop in Ba Sing Se.

Azarin doesn’t know why, but the drastic differences in Zuko from one week to the next make him want to scream. It’s like Zuko is good one second, then decides that his royal blood is more important the next. Azarin doesn’t trust it, he doesn’t trust Zuko. He  _ can’t  _ trust Zuko...Avatar Roku has now made that extremely clear.

Azarin’s rage boils over. He shoves Katara’s arm away from him and attacks Zuko, without bending, sending his knee into Zuko’s gut and his fist into Zuko’s head. Zuko drops to the ground on his back, making a painful noise emit from his mouth, but it doesn’t deter Azarin. He drops on top of Zuko and punches him in the chest repeatedly and it isn’t until his knuckles are wet that he realizes hot tears are flowing from his eyes. Still, he doesn’t stop, even when he can feel Katara trying to pull him up, even when Zuko is screaming at him to stop, that he’s hurting him...even when his fists start colliding with Zuko’s head and there’s blood being spilt.

“Azarin, you’re going to kill him!  _ Stop!” _ Katara’s frantic voice finally breaks through whatever was preventing Azarin from processing anything. Her hands are gripping his bare, blood spattered shoulders and trying to pull him back.

He stops, and falls forward, his head in Zuko’s neck as he clutches onto the prince and sobs. Azarin sobs so hard that his body shakes, and even despite the physical assault he just received...Zuko wraps his arms around him. Azarin cries harder, his tears mixing with Zuko’s blood.

“I hate you,” Azarin whispers, voice shaking. “I hate you s-so much…”

“I know.” Zuko responds just as quietly, with his grip around Azarin just a little tighter.

Azarin’s entire body feels like it’s on fire, he feels like he’s burning from the inside out and there’s no one that can put out the flames. He doesn’t even know who would at this point, other than himself. “Why can’t you j-just disappear? I hate you so much, just leave me alone... _ please _ leave me alone Zuko...it hurts so much…” He digs his fingers into Zuko’s shoulders and the prince hisses in pain, but doesn’t move.

“I know, Azarin…” He says, and Azarin feels his hands move up his back to gently run through Azarin’s hair. “I’m sorry.”

The sensation of finally getting a touch from Zuko that clearly isn’t platonic, that holds meaning behind it, a touch that’s comforting despite all the pain Zuko has caused him...it sets Azarin’s senses alight. He becomes so painfully aware of Zuko underneath him, Zuko’s skin touching his own, Zuko’s fingers in his hair, Zuko’s neck against his cheek that he takes in a sharp breath. His body now feels like it’s on fire for a completely different reason: desire.

Azarin tries to push himself up and can’t because his arms are weak from all the energy he’s been using. Luckily, Katara sees his movement and grabs his shoulders again, trying to pull him up. Zuko’s arms fall from him, and with Katara’s help, Azarin gets to his feet. He has blood and sweat and tears all over him and he can barely see from how blurry his vision is, but he looks to Katara, trying to plead with her as Zuko stands up and tries to walk away. No matter the pain and hurt he feels, he can’t let Zuko live with more scars, especially not from himself.

“H-Heal him... _ please, _ Katara…” Azarin pushes her toward Zuko and she seems hesitant, but nods.

Katara grabs Zuko by the back of his robes and tells him to hold still. Azarin can’t believe how horrible he looks...he can’t believe  _ he _ made Zuko look this horrible. The prince’s chest is bruising quickly and his lip is busted and bleeding, along with the side of his head. Both of his eyes are swollen almost to shutting. Azarin thinks he’s going to be sick, but he watches as Katara pulls more water from the stream next to them, wrapping it around her hands and pressing it to each place on Zuko that’s broken. Neither of them speak while she does this, and when she’s done, he looks like nothing happened to him, save for the dried blood on his clothes.

Azarin pulls Katara back to him, holding her close to his body as he continues to shake. Zuko leans down and picks up something from the ground, handing it to Katara. It’s the bracelet. She takes it and puts in on her wrist, and Zuko looks like he wants to thank her, but he just turns and heads back up the trail. Azarin hopes it’s the last time he ever sees him, but he knows he won’t get that lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all!!! i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because it killed me writing it ;__;
> 
> there's something I want to address so I hope some of you read this!! there's been some comments misgendering me and I get that my icon is confusing and I've never explicitly stated my gender, but I am not a girl. my icon is a girl from a kpop group jsdkflfhl but I am nonbinary, so being called "girl" really bothers me. i love you guys regardless, i just wanted to let y'all know!! I'm sorry if i seem rude or anything sjfhkldj <3


	37. healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: lose you to love me - selena gomez
> 
> (I think of zurin every time I hear this song and I feel SO MANY THINGS okay)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of abuse
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“You _what?”_ Sokka, Aang, and Toph all speak at the same time, then glance at each other. Toph is the one that continues. “Say that again, but slower.”

Azarin sighs, and goes to repeat himself, but Katara beats him to it. “He doesn’t need to repeat it! Can’t you see he’s clearly upset about it?!” She grips Azarin’s hand a little tighter. “He nearly killed Zuko because he was so emotional. We just have to try our best to keep them away from each other, otherwise one of them is going to end up dead and it sure as hell is _not_ going to be Azarin, not if I have anything to do with it.”

“If you ask me, the dude had it coming,” Sokka remarks, a little smugly. Azarin narrows his eyes at him.

“Just because he made bad choices doesn’t mean he deserves to die.” He speaks softly, because he just doesn’t have it in him to be angry anymore. Bad things happen when he gets angry. “He may be trying to become his father, but he isn’t Ozai. Not yet, at least. He didn’t deserve what I did to him, but he let it happen anyway. He understood why I did it, and he left me alone. Now he and I can live our separate lives without each other in them.”

Aang, who looks like he’s thinking extremely hard about something, takes a step forward. “Violence that isn’t self defense is uncalled for, Azarin. I don’t like that you did this, even if I understand why you did. I need to go clear my head…” The Avatar starts to turn, but Azarin reaches forward and grabs his wrist to prevent him from leaving.

“Aang, please,” he says, pleading. “If I could have stopped myself, I would have, but I--”

“You couldn’t, because your anger was out of control.” Aang finishes. He pulls his arm from Azarin’s grip. “You have to learn how to control your anger when it comes to Zuko. We’re _going_ to see him when the eclipse comes and I’m starting to think that you shouldn’t be there for it.”

At this, Azarin’s eyes widen. He stares at Aang and starts shaking his head. “What? No...no, I need to be there, I’m the only person that knows the palace and how to get underneath it.” Surely, Aang can’t be serious. Azarin doesn’t like thinking that he’s vital to their group, but he _knows_ he’s vital to the eclipse invasion at the very least. He can’t just...sit it out.

“What are you _talking_ about, twinkle toes?” Toph sounds incredulous, crossing her arms over her chest. “Just because Azarin beat up Zuko, you’re not gonna let him fight in the invasion? He’s essential to the entire operation!” Well, at least Toph is on his side.

Azarin feels Katara squeeze his hand some more, and he looks over at her. Her ocean eyes are sympathetic, and he really thinks she has to have some kind of calming superpower or something. Whenever Azarin is stressed or upset, even just a look or a smile from Katara can settle him enough to think clearer...but where was this look last night, when he was pummeling Zuko’s face into a pulp?

“There’s no way we’re doing the invasion without Azarin, it’s just not possible,” Sokka is next to speak. “His knowledge of the palace is imperative for us to have. You’re gonna risk blowing the whole thing just because Zuko pissed him off. Come on, Aang…”

“Zuko didn’t _just_ piss him off, Sokka! Katara clearly said that Azarin almost _killed_ him!” Aang snaps his words, clearly getting irritated with all of them. He turns his attention back to Azarin. “What happens when Zuko tries to stop us as we invade? You’ll get angry again, you’ll want to fight Zuko and _only_ Zuko, and you’ll end up hurting him again. Think about how upset you are right now, when Katara healed him, and think about how upset you’d be if you did something that you couldn’t take back. Your emotions are completely out of control when you see Zuko. You could not only hurt _him,_ but other people who try to stop you from hurting him. You could hurt _yourself_ because you regret hurting him.”

Azarin wants to argue. He wants to say that he won’t fixate on Zuko during the invasion, that he’ll be able to control his emotions, that he won’t get angry. But...he can’t, because he doesn’t know for sure. He can’t trust himself to do the right thing anymore, and that’s so fucking scary. Zuko makes him unpredictable. Azarin hates it, he hates himself for being this way. He hates Zuko for affecting him this much.

“Aang is right,” Azarin says, weakly. He lets go of Katara’s hand to wrap his arms around himself. “I...can’t be trusted. Not when it comes to Zuko. Hell, I don’t even know how I’m going to react going back into the palace. That could set me off into a blind rage, too. Who knows.”

He feels Katara pull his arms from himself, gripping his wrists. “Azarin, _stop it._ That isn’t going to happen, because we’re going to work on this, okay? You need to work on your anger, so that’s what we’ll do. We’re _not_ leaving you behind when the eclipse comes.”

Azarin tries to smile, but he can only get out a weak nod. “How, though? How do I work on it? The eclipse is barely a few weeks away…” He doesn’t want to make things worse for everyone, he doesn’t want to be a liability, but he has no idea how he’s going to control himself if he sees Zuko again.

To his surprise, Aang’s hand is on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. When Azarin looks down at him, he’s smiling, gray eyes filled with hope. “We’ll help you. All of us. Right, guys?” He looks back to Toph and Sokka, who both nod.

Azarin can’t stop the smile that forms on his lips; he doesn’t have to go through this alone anymore.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Rather than have all of them argue over methods to help him, they decide that Azarin will spend time with the four of them individually, then he’ll decide who’s methods work best for him. Of course, it becomes like a competition for them...who can best help Azarin get rid of his anger. Normally, he would try to participate in a healthy competition, but since he’s the subject of it he can’t. He’s wondering how it’s going to end, but he’s willing to go through just about anything if it means he doesn’t hurt Zuko -- or anyone else -- like that again.

Katara insists that she helps first, and Azarin has no issue with that, seeing as she was the person there watching him the whole time he was trying to beat Zuko to death. They head down to the beach after breakfast the next day, while Sokka and Toph spar with Aang. Katara looks a little lost, but Azarin follows her lead as she sits in the sand just far enough from the waves pushing onto the shore to prevent them from getting wet.

Kicking her shoes off, Katara slips her feet into the oncoming water. She stares out at the ocean for a few moments before taking Azarin’s hand in her own. “Water is supposed to heal, right? So we’re gonna stay here for the day. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to...just think about them, okay?”

Azarin nods, leaning into Katara’s side and resting his head on her shoulder. For once, he doesn’t want to be taller than her, or stronger. He wants to sink into her and let her wash all of his pain away. If anyone had told him a year ago that he’d be so emotionally attached to a waterbender, he would have laughed in their face. But, here they are.

“Where do you think your anger comes from?” Katara’s first question is obvious, but necessary. It isn’t an easy answer, Azarin thinks. It comes from so many different sources and he’s pretty sure that’s why it’s so out of control now. “Your father, for sure. Right?”

Again, Azarin nods. “In more ways than one, unfortunately.”

“Why do you say that?” Her voice is curious, and Azarin shrugs a little as he pulls off his shoes and joins her in letting the water overtake his feet.

“I inherited his rage, just like Zuko inherited his father’s. I used to think I was more mature than Zuko because I had mine under more control, but I was wrong. It was just sitting there, boiling beneath the surface, ready to burst at any moment if something provoked it.” He doesn’t think he’s ever said this out loud, he doesn’t think he’s ever even directly had these thoughts, but he knows it’s true. “Zuko’s anger is less dangerous because people expect it from him. Mine is obviously deadly, because it sneaks up on me, and I can’t control it.”

Katara doesn’t respond for a while. Azarin assumes she’s thinking about what he’s said. “And what’s the other way that your anger has to do with your father? You inherited it, and what else?”

Azarin thinks this answer should be obvious, but he has to try to talk about it or think about it without expecting people to just _know._ It’s the only way to get past it. “He abused me. He took out his own anger on me, and even though I’ve been telling Zuko for years that he doesn’t have to be like his father...I became like mine.” He sits up as he says this, pressing his palms into his eyes, trying to stop himself from crying. _“Fuck,_ I’m so fucking stupid…I’m a hypocrite…”

“Azarin, no,” Katara’s gentle hands are pulling his own from his face, and making him look at her. “You’re not a hypocrite. Even if our parents are horrible, we’re all like them in some way. We came from them, so there’s no avoiding it. Just because you share qualities with your father doesn’t mean you’re a hypocrite for telling Zuko he doesn’t need to _become_ his father. You’re not trying to do that...you’re just his son.”

He knows Katara is right. Being similar to Zhao isn’t _being_ his father, but Azarin doesn’t want to be _anything_ like his father. He wants to move past it, he wants to become better. He has to try harder to be more aware of himself if he wants to do that, though. He can’t hide behind his pain anymore...that’s only making things worse.

“So, are you actually angry with your father, or are you more angry with yourself for being like him?”

Azarin doesn’t respond to this. He doesn’t think he has it in him to admit that he’s much more angry with himself than he is Zhao.

They talk more, and it’s nice. Katara doesn’t pry too much, especially when he isn’t responding. She lets him think things out for himself and he’s grateful for that. She doesn’t want or need to know everything, she’s just trying to help him get past it all and work it out within himself. Katara is the epitome of a good friend, Azarin thinks. By the time they’re heading back to eat dinner with everyone else, he feels a lot lighter.

The morning after, though, Azarin is woken up by a rock flying into his forehead. Toph drags him, shirtless and sleepy, to a nearby cave, forcing him to light fires around so he can see. It’s pointless for her, but he guesses she’s just trying to be courteous.

“Listen, fire feet, I know you spent yesterday with Katara at the beach talking about your feelings and everything, but today isn’t going to be like that.” Toph plants her fist into her palm with a small smirk on her mouth. Azarin feels a flicker of fear run down his spine; the gentle waves of the ocean from yesterday are far, far gone. “We’re gonna fight. I’m gonna come at you with all I’ve got, and you better return it or you’re gonna get pummeled like Zuko did. Got it?”

“But--” Azarin isn’t even finished with the word before Toph bends a pillar of rock between his legs and he has to leap to avoid having his groin completely destroyed. When he comes down, he pushes his legs off of the same pillar and shoots flames in Toph’s direction from his feet, which she dissipates by pushing a large rock up from the ground to shield herself. She brings up rock after rock, throwing them at him repeatedly and also making him lose his footing by shifting the ground underneath him too.

He has to concentrate completely on what he’s doing to avoid both being hurt and accidentally hurting Toph. She can’t actually _see_ the fire he’s attacking with, she can only predict where he’s sending it by his movements on the earth under him. Azarin has to be careful, he has to pay attention, otherwise they’ll _both_ end up hurt.

“Wait, stop,” he says, dropping his hands to his sides, blinking to regain his thoughts. “I know why you’re doing it this way.”

“Oh yeah?” Toph says, then kicks a rock his way. He kicks it to the ground so he doesn’t get hit. “Why’s that, huh?”

Azarin has to avoid another rock being thrown at him, as well as several pillars protruding from the ground, trying to knock him over. He uses them to kick off of, landing directly in front of Toph and shooting a stream of fire directly next to her head. She doesn’t even flinch, which isn’t surprising. He’s panting for breath when he speaks. “I have to be aware of what I’m doing so I don’t burn you. I’ll need to do this at the invasion so I don’t get too angry and hurt Zuko, or someone else.”

He sees the smallest of smiles from Toph just before he’s knocked back, falling onto the ground with a painful thud after Toph had bent a pillar directly into his chest. She steps over him, hands on her hips. “You got it, fire feet. Now let’s run through it again, and this time don’t go so easy on me. I _know_ you can fight harder than that.” She holds her hand out to help him up, and Azarin grins.

They spend a gruelling day going at each other. Azarin doesn’t think about his father or Zuko much at all, which is a relief, but he definitely has to try his best not to get angry. Toph is relentless, and just when he thinks he has an edge on her she figures him out and sends him to the ground. If he didn’t have control over his anger before, he definitely has a better handle on it now, even if it’s the smallest of differences.

Sokka is the next person he spends a day with, while everyone else works on bending in seclusion. There’s flirting and winks and sultry looks as they find things to do with their day, but it’s all a distraction. Sokka is always a distraction of the sweetest kind, but that isn’t what Azarin needs right now. It isn’t why they’re spending time together.

“So, are we going to do anything productive today? Or are you just giving me a reprieve from the emotional toll the others are putting me through?” Azarin asks, while they search for fruits in the market. He shrugs after a moment or two. “I’m fine with either, but I’m pretty sure your sister’s gonna kick your ass if she finds out we’ve been fucking off all day.”

Sokka rolls his eyes, taking a bite of a mango and speaking with his mouth full like a brute. “Don’t worry, I’m getting to it,” he swallows, then wraps an arm around Azarin’s shoulders as they walk away from the fruit stand. “Is it a crime to wanna spend alone time with my friend? I’ve got issues too, you know.”

Azarin actually laughs a little, shaking his head. Sokka is a breath of fresh air, always. “I know you do, Sokka. I’m not saying you don’t, but we’re kinda focusing on mine at the moment.” He feels a little selfish for putting the attention back onto himself, but he knows Katara will have both of their heads if they don’t make some kind of progress. She had very explicitly stated that this morning.

“Just follow me, Azarin,” Sokka says, now walking ahead of him. “I have a plan.”

Suspicious, Azarin follows. They end up at an inn, which Sokka had somehow coerced the very _female_ owners into letting them stay for the day at half price. Azarin is impressed with him, honestly. Sokka is able to flirt with girls constantly, while also flirting with Azarin and pining over Suki. Sokka’s capacity for romance apparently knows no bounds.

Upstairs, Sokka locks the door to their room. There’s only one bed and Azarin is starting to grow nervous. “Uh...Sokka? What are we doing here, exactly?” His voice definitely betrays how anxious he is and he hates it, because Sokka laughs.

“We need some privacy,” he says, closing the distance between them. He runs his hands up Azarin’s chest and around his neck to thread in his hair, and while the touch is comforting, Azarin is extremely confused. They aren’t supposed to be doing this, they’re supposed to be working on Azarin’s anger, not his kissing skills. Despite Azarin being tense, Sokka pulls his head down a little to speak into his ear. “I want you to pretend I’m Zuko.”

Immediately, Azarin pushes him back. “What? How is that going to help _anything,_ Sokka?!” This has to be one of Sokka’s absolute worst ideas, because he could get himself killed, Azarin could burn down the whole building, they could--

“Because! If you pretend I’m Zuko and we talk through somethings, maybe do a little making out, then you’ll be more prepared to face Zuko when the invasion comes!”

Okay, maybe it isn’t the worst idea Sokka’s ever had...it has some merit. Azarin lets out a sigh, relaxing a little. “And how is making out going to prepare me to face Zuko, hm? I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be attacking _me,_ not my mouth.”

Sokka shrugs and steps to Azarin again, hands splayed across his chest and pushing his shirt apart to reveal more of the firebender’s skin. “You never know. He could distract you with sex while the rest of us try to get to the Fire Lord.”

“Oh, and you’re _not_ trying to distract me with sex, then?” Despite his tone, Azarin’s hands rest at Sokka’s hips. He pulls the other a little closer, smiling.

Sokka shakes his head as he leans up to press soft lips against Azarin’s. “No sex. This is for your own good.” His hands move down to untie the sash holding Azarin’s shirt together and the cloth falls to the floor gracefully. Sokka’s mouth attaches itself to Azarin’s neck and he’s thoroughly forgotten why they’re here already, until Sokka pulls back, smiling. “You ready to start?”

Azarin blinks, keeping Sokka close to him. “That wasn’t starting? You took my shirt off, Sokka, I thought we were already deep in.”

“Uh, no,” Sokka says. He pulls Azarin’s hands from his hips and steps back, reaching up and taking his hair out of its tie. “You have to pretend I’m Zuko first.” Sokka’s hair frames his face and Azarin just wants to forget everything and get Sokka’s clothes off of him, but they’re here for a reason.

“I don’t really know where to start…” Azarin’s anxiousness is back and he suddenly feels exposed without his shirt on. Imagining being like this in front of Zuko makes him feel things he hasn’t felt in a very long time. Redness creeps into his cheeks and he can almost feel Sokka rolling his eyes at him.

“Really? You start thinking about Zuko and you’re _blushing?!_ When do you ever blush around me?”

“I’m not _in love_ with you, Sokka,” Azarin gives the other a pointed look as he crosses his arms over his chest, covering himself a little. “And you’re not exactly convincing me that you’re Zuko if you’re complaining about him.”

Sokka straightens, pushing his hair over his left eye and puffing out his chest with his fists clenched. “You’ll never get to the Fire Lord, not while I’m here!” His voice is lower, like he’s trying to make it more husky and rough, and Azarin has to suppress a laugh.

“Nice hair, _Zuko,”_ he says, grinning. Sokka steps forward a little, and Azarin’s smile falters. He has to think about this like it’s Zuko, or else the whole day will be wasted. Taking in a deep breath, he steps back. “Stay away from me.”

Sokka looks a little startled, but keeps up the pretense. “What if I don’t want to?” The fake edge to his voice is gone. He sounds like Sokka, but not Sokka at the same time. He sounds the way he did that night in Piandao’s castle, when he was trying to get Azarin to distract him.

Azarin’s breath grows ragged. What if Zuko does this at the palace? What if Ozai and Azula _do_ use him as a distraction in this way? What will Azarin do? “I don’t care what you want. I told you to stay away from me, and I mean it.”

_“Azarin,”_ Sokka purrs, and Azarin can almost hear it in Zuko’s voice. Almost. “Just come with me. You don’t need to do this. I’m right here, I’m what you want, right?” Sokka is stepping forward and Azarin is stepping back until he hits the wall. Sokka slides his hand up Azarin’s abdomen and across his chest. Azarin’s breath hitches.

“Stop,” he whispers, even as Sokka’s lips attach to his neck again. Azarin tries to keep his composure, but he isn’t making any effort to push Sokka away. “I...I don’t want you. Not anymore.”

Sokka smiles into his skin and Azarin’s eyes close; in his mind it’s Zuko touching him, Zuko’s lips on his skin, Zuko’s weight in front of him. This isn’t good, but the voice in his head screaming at him to put an end to this is a far cry quieter than the heat building in his core.

“You’re lying to yourself, Azarin. I know you want me.” Hands moving down his front, lips pressing against his collarbone and making their way up, and Azarin’s hands nervously grip the other’s shoulders. “Look at you. You’re here while your friends are off getting lost. _You want me.”_

Azarin’s head shakes, but he makes no effort to move. His tongue goes to swipe over his lips, heart thumping inside his chest. Even though he tries his best to sound stern, his voice just ends up coming out breathy and weak. “No…” Suddenly there’s a hand gripping between his legs, and Azarin takes in a sharp and loud breath, but his eyes stay closed. Zuko’s hands, Zuko’s lips, Zuko’s body, _Zuko, Zuko,_ “Zuko…”

Everything is removed from him at once, and Azarin almost whimpers at the loss. His eyes open and he looks down at Sokka, who looks sorely disappointed. “And _that’s_ why you need to learn how to control yourself.” His eyes drop to the bulge in Azarin’s loose fitting pants. _“That thing_ wants Zuko more than you do.”

Azarin’s breath is almost as heavy as the day before when he was fighting Toph. “I think...I think you’re right…” He lets out a sigh, shaking his head and running his hands down his face. “How do I keep myself from reacting that way? Have you _seen_ Zuko lately? If he touches me, I’ll lose it.”

“How do you think I keep myself from losing it every day around _you?!”_ Sokka’s voice is back to it’s normal, dramatically sarcastic tone and Azarin is grateful for it. “Lots of self control, which you have _none_ of when it comes to Zuko. So we’re gonna keep working on it.” His smile is contagious. Azarin laughs a little as he steps forward and picks up his shirt from the floor.

“I think you just wanna keep trying to top me,” Azarin says this jokingly, but of course Sokka gets offended.

“That’s not true! I’m doing this to _help_ you! How could you even…? You’re so _frustrating!”_ Sokka huffs and crosses his arms while Azarin slips his shirt back on. “We’re doing it again until you can control yourself, and it has nothing to do with _anything_ other than your self control with Zuko.”

Rolling his eyes and tightening the sash around his waist, Azarin smirks. “Whatever you say, Sokka.”

Eventually, they get to a point where Azarin resists more and more until he’s shoving Sokka away and nearly burning him. At one point he sets the curtains over the window on fire, but they’re hoping that the ladies downstairs don’t notice when they leave.

So far, Azarin is pretty confident after the last three days of working on things. His anger is slightly in check, he’s learning more about himself, and he may not be a _complete_ mess if Zuko tries to distract him during the invasion. He wonders what Aang has in store for him next.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He finds out the next day after lunch, when Aang takes his hand away from where he was helping Katara clean up. Knowing what Aang wants, Azarin lets the Avatar lead him from their camp and to the top of a nearby hill. It’s a rocky climb up, but they make it without too much effort. Aang sits in front of him and smiles, gesturing across from him. Azarin sits, too.

“I think you’re the only person in the group that knows how to meditate like I do,” Aang starts. He moves his hands from his knees to form them into fists, pushing his knuckles together. The arrows on his hands meet and he closes his eyes. “General Iroh taught you, didn’t he?”

Azarin nods, but then realizes that Aang can’t see him. “Uh, yeah. When Zuko and I were first banished, we both had a lot of pent up emotions and Iroh tried to teach us to meditate so we could clear our heads and think with clarity.” He pauses a moment, taking in a deep breath and releasing it before continuing. “Zuko knows how to meditate too, but he never thinks of it as an option to help him work through things, I don’t think.”

Aang opens his eyes again, still smiling. “I think Iroh was and still is a great influence on both of you. He reminds me a lot of Monk Gyatso. He was probably a better father to you in those three years than Zhao ever was your whole life.”

“You’re right,” Azarin responds. Memories of conversations with Iroh flood his mind and he smiles fondly. “He was definitely more of a father to Zuko, though, considering he’s Zuko’s uncle. Zuko was always his priority, but he should have been. Zuko needed him more than I did.”

Surprisingly, Aang sighs, sounding a little agitated. “This is what I meant when I said your emotions are out of control when it comes to Zuko. You’re _still_ putting him and his needs over your own, and deep down that _has_ to make you angry.” When Azarin’s eyes widen in response, Aang continues. “It’s okay to be angry at the situation, but from what Katara has told me, you’re the most angry at yourself, Azarin. You’re angry at yourself and you’re taking it out on Zuko now that your father is dead.”

Azarin feels hot tears form in his eyes and flow down his cheeks before he can stop them. He doesn’t even know how to respond because he knows Aang is right. Just like when he was talking with Katara, he doesn’t want to admit it out loud, but he’s angry with himself. He’s upset about everything that’s happened to him and instead of being angry that it happened or blaming the people responsible, he’s putting all the blame onto himself and he doesn’t even realize it.

He hates himself for letting his father affect him so much, he hates himself for being so in love with Zuko that his friends are now having to teach him how to control himself around the prince, and he hates himself for consistently putting Zuko and his needs above his own. It became second nature over the last three years because Zuko’s issues were more pressing, or seemed to be at the time. Now, he wishes he would have addressed them more. Maybe he would have fallen out of love with Zuko a lot sooner, and saved himself all this pain.

“I know you don’t like being angry with people, Azarin. I think you have something that happened a long time ago that made you push everything down instead of letting yourself feel your emotions and work through them.” Aang truly sounds wise beyond his years. Azarin wonders why they haven’t had a conversation like this before, but he thinks he’s never wanted to because Aang’s age throws him off constantly. Aang is the Avatar _and_ a monk...he’s much more mature than he makes himself out to be. All Azarin ever thinks is that he wouldn’t want to have a conversation like this with his thirteen year old self, because he was young and stupid then, but Aang is far from it.

“Maybe if you find the source of it, you can work past it,” Aang continues, eyes trained on Azarin. “I know you don’t want to be angry at Iroh for making Zuko his priority, but maybe you should be. You didn’t have a father around, either. Your father burned you and shunned you, too. Iroh forcing you to put Zuko’s needs above your own wasn’t right, even if he did it to help Zuko. It obviously didn’t help you.”

Azarin shakes his head, his breaths beginning to pick up. “No...no he never forced me. He only ever told me to stick with Zuko because Zuko needed us -- needed _me_ \-- around to help him grow.” Even as he says it, Azarin realizes how wrong it sounds. Azarin should have had more of a choice when it came to how Zuko treated him; Iroh shouldn’t have excused it constantly.

“So he guilted you, then?” Aang asks, then adds, “Breathe deeper, Azarin.”

Doing as Aang instructs, Azarin takes deeper breaths until his breathing is steady again. “I guess...I guess he did. He guilted me, even if it was unintentional. He wanted me to stay by Zuko’s side because I’ve always been a good influence on Zuko. But at some point, that started to only benefit Zuko himself, and not me.”

Aang nods. “Does that make you angry?”

“Yes? No...I don’t know…” Azarin sighs. This is all getting more and more confusing. “You’re right...I don’t want to be angry with Iroh. He doesn’t deserve it when all he’s ever tried to do is parent his nephew when his brother failed at it. But at the same time, I needed someone for the last three years, too, and he only halfway paid attention to me and my issues. The only times he gave me his full concentration was when I hurt Zuko because I was triggered.”

“Wow…” Aang shakes his head and Azarin thinks he sees him wipe a tear from his eye, but he isn’t sure. “I definitely see why you’re so conflicted inside, and why it comes out in anger. Everything with your father, everything with Zuko, and not knowing how to feel about Iroh...not to mention whatever is going on with you and Sokka…”

At this, Azarin actually huffs out a soft laugh. “Nothing is going on with me and Sokka. We both need a distraction sometimes, so why not get distracted with each other? I don’t think I could fall for him if I tried, and he’s made it very clear that I’m just an exploration for him.”

“Exploration and distraction, huh?” Aang’s smirk is a little _too_ smug. “Is that why you came back with that hickey on your neck yesterday?”

Azarin’s eyes get wide and he quickly brings a hand up to slap over the side of his neck, covering what he suspects to be the bruise in question. “Sokka’s way of helping me was...different. Don’t judge.”

“Hey, I’m not judging, just teasing,” Aang gives a light chuckle with a bright smile, and Azarin returns it. “I’m glad you have each other. I don’t even wanna know what it’s like to be you guys’ age and attracted to your friend like that.”

“You act like all teenage boys think about is…” Azarin is going to finish that, but thinks better of it. He shakes his head and lets out a defeated breath. “Well, I guess you’re right. It’s gotta be worse for Sokka, considering he likes girls too.”

Aang does that blushing giggle thing he does when he’s embarrassed. “Yeah...Sokka’s really complicated.”

A moment or two passes between them in silence. Azarin clears his throat to break it. “Should we meditate, then? I have a lot to think about…”

“You shouldn’t be thinking while meditating, Azarin,” Aang muses, a little accusingly. “But given your current situation, I’ll excuse it.” They smile at each other again, and Azarin can’t help but feel a surge of affection for Aang. He and everyone else is taking time that they could be using for training, to help _him_ because he’s struggling right now. He honestly couldn’t be more grateful to Aang and the others, but he disguises it with sarcasm.

“Thank you, oh great Avatar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sokka basically saying "aLL LiVeS mAtTeR" really SENT me when i wrote this, and when he called azarins dick "that thing" i had to take a step back and laugh for like five minutes. also katara being a straight up cancer and leaping around the point just to make azarin feel better...i love her so much she is precious and azarin would die without her


	38. old flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> friends - somo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (vaguely) follows book three episode seven: the runaway
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin never would have guessed that he, Toph, Sokka, and Aang would be gambling to get more money after they ran out. He especially wouldn’t have guessed that Toph would be helping them  _ cheat _ when they gamble, either, but here they are, hunched over a table in an alley while Toph plays up the innocent blind girl act and wins them tons of money. They use it for food, new clothes, and Azarin buys Katara a new bag to help make her feel better about the cheating. She still doesn’t like that they’re doing it.

“Azarin, I love the gesture, but I  _ hate _ that you guys are doing this,” the waterbender shakes her head as she runs her fingers over the fabric on the bag. “You have to stop enabling them. You’re the oldest one here, they might follow your lead if you say something.”

Letting out a sigh, Azarin sits next to Katara. He had come back before the others to give her the gift. “Am I everyone’s dad now, because I’m the oldest?”

Katara giggles a little and shoves him a little with her shoulder. “Maybe. I know Toph definitely looks up to you, especially because you’re the only other bender here that can match up to her skill. I think she sees you as an older brother.”

_ “I _ think you’re just trying to get me to do something about them gambling,” Azarin raises a brow at her, to which she narrows her eyes. He smiles. “I’m not getting on Toph’s bad side on your behalf, Katara. Sorry to disappoint. I hope you enjoy the bag.”

“What? Where are you going?!” Katara questions, just as Azarin stands again. She takes his wrist in her grip and their bracelets flash in the bright sunlight. Azarin smiles at the sight of it.

“I just came to give you your present. I’m gonna find some meat and vegetables to cook for dinner tonight while the heathens cause trouble. Any suggestions?”

Katara shrugs, then stands and presses a soft kiss to Azarin’s cheek. “I trust your judgement. Just don’t forget Aang’s mushrooms!” With that, she shoves Azarin toward the trail leading into town.

While Azarin is picking out vegetables for Aang (and himself) he hears someone call his name, but it doesn’t sound like Aang, Sokka, or Toph. It doesn’t even sound like Zuko, or Azula. He turns to see someone walking up to him with a smile on their face, and he isn’t sure but it definitely looks like--

“Ru?!”

“I’m shocked you remember me!” Ru says, with a laugh. He leans against the produce booth and Azarin takes him in; he grew up  _ very _ well. Pale skin, brown hair half up in a knot, caramel-colored eyes glinting with amusement and a body that suggests he does some kind of fighting or labor. Or maybe he just has good genes. “You look...well. You look really good, Azarin.”

He isn’t sure if he’s reading too much into it because he already knows Ru likes boys, but Azarin is pretty sure he heard a suggestive lilt to Ru’s voice. He smiles a little as he pays the produce vendor for his vegetables, hefting the full bag over his shoulder. “Thanks, Ru. I can definitely say the same for you...do you bend? I can’t remember if you said you did or not.”

Ru nods, following Azarin as he walks toward the butcher shop across the square. “I do. I’m actually a bender at the circus, you should come see me tonight! I’ll get you in for free.” Ru’s smile is bright, and Azarin wants to say yes, but this is just so sudden and he needs a little time to process it.

“I’d love to, Ru, but I have to get some meat and help my friends cook dinner tonight.” Azarin tries to sound apologetic, but he isn’t sure it comes out right. “Actually...do you want to eat with us? We’re camping just outside town.”

“I’d love that! I can come after my performance.” He holds the door to the butcher shop open for Azarin, who nods in thanks. “Are you camping with Prince Zuko?”

Azarin stills for a moment. He sets down his bag of vegetables, shaking his head. “Zuko and I had a...falling out. I’ve been traveling a lot and I brought some friends from the Earth Kingdom colonies back to the Fire Nation with me.” He probably shouldn’t be lying to this boy if he wants any kind of a chance with him, but Azarin can’t tell Ru the truth. He’d probably be arrested.

“Oh...that’s unfortunate,” Ru says, frown prominent on his face. Azarin puts a hand on his shoulder and tries to smile.

“It’s for the best. We weren’t exactly good to each other.” To Azarin’s surprise, Ru returns his smile and his hand finds Azarin’s on his shoulder. The touch is gentle, and soft, and Azarin doesn’t know what to make of it.

When Azarin has everything he needs for dinner, Ru helps him carry everything back to camp and they talk. Azarin tells him what happened with Zuko (without mentioning siding with the Avatar) and how he still loves Zuko, but never told him until it was too late. He tells Ru that he’s trying to get over Zuko and his friends are helping him, which he’s grateful for. Ru mentions that he’s had a few boyfriends but none of them stuck, as most people are afraid of being put in jail once they find out relationships of that kind are illegal. Ru apparently doesn’t mind keeping it secret, he just wants to be happy and stay true to himself. Azarin can definitely relate.

“Azarin, I hope you remembered…” Katara starts, but she’s left in shock when she sees that Azarin isn’t alone. She blinks between the two before speaking again. “Wh-Who’s this?”

Smiling to show Katara that he isn’t in trouble, Azarin sets down his bags and Ru follows suit. “Katara, I’d like you to meet Ru. He, uh...he was the first boy I ever kissed, four years ago. We ran into each other in the market and I invited him for dinner tonight, if that’s alright.”

When Katara realizes what’s actually happening, her face lights up and Azarin has to turn his head to keep them both from seeing him blush. Katara steps forward and offers her hand for Ru to shake. “It’s so nice to meet you, Ru! I’m Katara, Azarin’s best friend.” The way she emphasizes  _ best _ isn’t lost on Azarin. He actually smiles a little as Ru takes Katara’s hand and bows.

“It’s very nice to meet you, too, Katara,” he says, then turns to Azarin. “She knows? Isn’t that kind of dangerous?”

Azarin shrugs. “All my friends know. They help protect me.”

“I would never let Azarin get hurt or arrested just for being who he is,” Katara says, as she moves next to Azarin and links her arm with his. “It’s a big factor in why we camp outside of towns instead of inside them while we’re in the Fire Nation...anyone could overhear a conversation and contact the police.”

Ru nods, and he seems genuinely interested. “That’s actually really smart...I live with my parents and they protect me as much as they can. My mom’s great about it, actually. She always offers to let boys stay over so I don’t get into trouble trying to sneak out.” As he finishes, Ru’s eyes move to Azarin, like he’s trying to suggest something. Azarin swallows, nervous.

“I, uh...thank you, Ru. For helping me with the food,” Azarin’s eyes move to the ground for a moment while he regains his composure. “You’ll be back after your performance, right?”

“Performance?” Katara questions, and Ru seems happy to explain.

“I’m a performing bender at the circus in town,” he says, with a warm smile. “I invited Azarin tonight, but he said he had to help cook…”

Azarin expects Katara to insist that they go to the circus, but it’s like she can read his mind. She nods, and pats Azarin’s arm for emphasis. “He does. But, I’m sure we can catch your next one, right Azarin?”

“Right,” Azarin responds, albeit a little shaky. “So, we’ll see you tonight, then?”

Ru nods, and bows. “I look forward to it, Azarin.” When he comes back up, Azarin clearly sees Ru’s eyes move up and down his body before he turns to walk down the path. Azarin lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

_ “Holy shit, _ Azarin, he is so fucking cute!” Katara nearly squeals this next to him, jumping a little out of excitement. Azarin is still too in shock to respond, but she continues anyway as she turns to him. “And he’s  _ completely _ into you. Did you see the way he was looking at you before he left?!”

Nodding, Azarin tries to find words. “I...yeah. He’s into me...he’s  _ into _ me?” He shakes his head, because part of him feels like it’s wrong. There’s that nagging voice deep inside his head telling him that it isn’t Zuko, so it  _ has _ to be wrong. He tries to ignore it. “I can’t believe I ran into the boy I had my first kiss with.”

Katara pushes against his chest with her hand, a playful gesture. Her smile is wide and it’s comforting for Azarin. “So what are you gonna wear tonight?” Her tone is suggestive, but Azarin rolls his eyes and walks over to the bags of food to begin sorting it all out for cooking.

“This isn’t a date, Katara.” He speaks sternly, but Katara isn’t deterred.

“Oh, it definitely _ is _ a date,” she says, eyes sharp as they look at him. “It shouldn’t be too awkward, either, since you’ve already kissed him.”

Azarin lets out a long sigh, standing straight and trying to use his height to get Katara to back down. It doesn’t work, it  _ never _ works, but he still does it because he thinks one day she’ll finally cave. “If it were a date, then Sokka wouldn’t be there. I wouldn’t bring a boy I’m trying to date to dinner with another boy that I suck face with often...that’s just bad etiquette.”

At this, Katara laughs a lot more genuinely than Azarin has heard in a long time. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep Sokka in line. You just enjoy your night, ‘kay?”

Azarin isn’t sure he wants to know Katara’s method of “keeping Sokka in line” but he’s sure it’s bound to be amusing.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After cooking (and Katara insisting that he wear his  _ best _ Fire Nation clothing and wear his hair  _ down), _ they all sit around their fire and wait for Ru while they talk. Appa is hidden several hills away, under lots of grass that he happily eats away at. Not shockingly at all, Sokka seems to be the only one that has a problem with Ru joining them for dinner. He tries to disguise it with concern for their safety, considering Aang is around, but everyone knows it’s actually because he’s jealous.

When Ru arrives, he’s in his circus costume and it’s actually pretty regal -- and revealing. The V on his tunic goes down to the bottom of his hips and his pants are tight, leaving nearly nothing to the imagination. His muscled arms show from lack of sleeves, and his hair is up completely, showcasing his sharp jawline and attractive facial features. Azarin wants to back out, because he doesn’t think he has an edge on Ru like he does with Sokka. He knew Sokka pretty well before they started flirting...Azarin feels like he’s going to make a fool of himself with Ru.

“Your friends are really nice, Azarin,” Ru says, after chatting with everyone else for a while. Even Toph is being on her best behavior, but that might be because she’s irritated with Katara. “I really wish I had this many friends that supported me. I’m too afraid to even tell anyone.”

“You don’t have any friends that know?” Aang asks, while he slurps noodles into his mouth.

Ru shakes his head. “The last person I told made a big deal about it, and we never spoke again. She was really important to me, too…” His eyes move to Katara for just a moment, and if Azarin wasn’t watching Ru beside him then he wouldn’t have caught it. Maybe he’s jealous of the friendship Azarin and Katara have, which would make sense. Azarin feels bad for him...he doesn’t ever want to go back to having no one to help him through this. He can’t even imagine not having his friends around anymore.

Azarin puts down his chopsticks, placing his hand gently on Ru’s bare shoulder. The other boy looks over at him, and he smiles. “I know what that feels like, and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it.”

To his surprise, Ru smiles back at him, his gaze rolling down Azarin’s arm to where his hand is on his skin. Azarin pulls back immediately, but Ru moves a little closer to him on the ground. “It’s alright. I find ways to cope.”

“Cute boys?” Katara poses it as a question but it comes out as more of a statement. Azarin wants to melt into the ground or throw himself into the fire.

“Uh...yeah,” Ru answers. His eyes never leave Azarin as he speaks. “Cute boys are a great way to cope.” Ru’s smile is  _ incredibly _ suggestive. Azarin has no idea how he’s going to survive the rest of the night.

Surprisingly, he does survive. He survives long enough to walk Ru home, go inside, briefly meet his parents, then head into Ru’s room. Azarin doesn’t know what he’s doing here, but Katara had been very adamant when she emphasized that it was okay if he didn’t come back to camp for the night. He guesses that she wants him to get over Zuko just as much as he wants it, too. Even if that means dealing with Sokka’s grumpy attitude and jealous stares.

“So, uh...you wanna make out?” Ru’s inquiry makes Azarin’s fingers pause on the books he’s skimming across on the other’s bookshelf. When he turns around, Ru is crossing the room. His tone has darkened a little, which isn’t surprising seeing as he’s trying to seduce Azarin. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you all night.”

Azarin actually smiles, perhaps to hide his nervousness. “Yeah?” Ru stops in front of him and Azarin’s eyes fall to where the other’s toned chest disappears behind his clothing. “Why didn’t you?”

“Your boy toy probably would have come across the fire and choked me to death, don’t you think?”

Azarin huffs out a laugh at Ru’s description of Sokka. It’s amusing that even  _ he _ picked up on Sokka’s jealousy. “Don’t worry about him. He--” Not being able to finish, Azarin is pulled down by his shirt and pressed into a kiss.

Ru is aggressive, it’s almost like he’s attacking Azarin’s mouth instead of kissing it. Still, Azarin lets himself fall into it and moves his lips in rhythm with Ru’s. His hands find Ru’s hips and pull him closer, which elicits a soft moan from the shorter boy when their bodies touch. Ru’s arms tangle around Azarin’s neck and he starts pulling Azarin back, while they’re still attached at the lips, toward the bed. Azarin isn’t sure how far Ru wants to take this, but he doesn’t think he’s comfortable with anything more than touching each other and kissing...he doesn’t know if he’s ready for anything more yet. He thinks he wants to be in a relationship when that happens, but he isn’t sure and he hasn’t had time to figure it out yet.

Azarin doesn’t exactly have a clear enough mind to think too much about it, though. Ru’s hands start to travel across his body, squeezing and scratching and making Azarin hiss in both pain and pleasure. He didn’t expect Ru to be this urgent or rough but he doesn’t exactly hate it, and that’s solidified when Ru jerks Azarin’s shirt open and shoves it down his shoulders and arms. Azarin pulls it off and returns his hands to Ru’s hips but slides them around to his back, and lower. Before Azarin can touch more, though, Ru drops down onto the bed and pulls Azarin with him while also slipping out of his own shirt in the process. Azarin thinks this is  _ definitely _ not the first time Ru has done something like this.

With his hands running up Ru’s soft, exposed skin, Azarin moves to hover over him on the bed and attaches their lips together again. He can feel arousal pulsing up and down his spine and he wants more of it, he wants more of Ru’s body to touch and kiss. Azarin’s kiss gets hungrier and he bites Ru’s lip, pulling it out and letting it go with a small smirk as he hears Ru groan from the sensation. Moving his lips across Ru’s jawline and to his neck, Azarin sucks the other’s skin into his mouth until a fresh mark of red and purple forms there, with one of his hands holding himself up and the other moving between them to grip between Ru’s legs.

Azarin doesn’t exactly know what he’s going to do with Ru if they do end up naked and needing, but at the moment he’s just following his instincts. Ru, apparently, is following his instincts too, because he moans low and long into Azarin’s ear and grips Azarin’s hair  _ hard. _ He jerks Azarin’s head back to attach his mouth to his neck, but Azarin doesn’t exactly like that kind of roughness. Something in him lights up and his hand immediately moves from Ru’s groin to Ru’s neck, shoving the other down into the bed and choking him.

“I…” Azarin starts, with his breath heavy as he looks into Ru’s straining face. He seems to be enjoying it, if the way he’s trying to moan despite Azarin’s grip around his throat says anything. Still, Azarin lets him go, because he feels bad for choking him. “I’m sorry. Just...don’t do that. Pull my hair, I mean.”

Ru doesn’t respond, only nods and goes back to licking and kissing Azarin’s neck.

A few minutes later, when Azarin is  _ so _ close to pushing down Ru’s tightly fitting pants, the door slides open aggressively. Azarin immediately jumps up and off the bed, ready to explain himself to Ru’s parents, but upon seeing who’s in the doorway he automatically assumes a bending stance even though there’s cold shock pouring down his spine.

“Having fun, ZaZa?” Azula looks pleased with herself as she speaks, eyes moving from Azarin to Ru and back again.

Azarin has to gather himself for a moment and ignore the thing straining against his pants, hoping it’ll go down the more his anger rises. “What the absolute  _ fuck _ are you doing here, Azula?”

Azula smirks, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind her. “You see, this is why you never could have been a real part of our family. You have no manners. Is that any way to greet your princess, Azarin?”

“I’m going to ask you  _ one more time _ what you’re doing here before I give you a scar to match your brother’s,” Azarin seethes from between his teeth. He’s losing his patience quickly.

“It’s simple, really,” Azula shrugs, hands behind her back and voice as smooth as silk. “I paid Ru and his family to invite you here, keep you  _ occupied _ for a bit until I could get here, and now I’m going to kill you.”

Azarin’s eyes grow wide as Azula speaks, and his head turns to Ru, who’s now standing on the other side of the bed with a look on his face that spells out nothing but shame. _“You_ did this? You brought me here to have me killed?! _What the_ _fuck,_ Ru?”

“She gave my parents money and said I could sleep with Prince Zuko!” Ru tries to defend himself, but it just makes Azarin more angry. This whole time, Ru wasn’t trying to be with  _ him, _ he was trying to get in bed with Zuko. Fucking  _ Zuko, _ his living hell, the boy that Azarin absolutely can never escape. Everything is always about Zuko and Azarin is  _ so _ fucking tired of it...when will it end?

“Well I guess have fun fucking the boy I’m in love with, Ru,” Azarin’s attention goes back to Azula after he says this and her smile makes him feel sick. “I hope it’s worth it.”

Azula isn’t the first one to attack him, it’s Ru. Azula quickly follows and it’s a tight space, so Azarin has to maneuver himself precisely to avoid being burned, but his practice spars with Toph have prepared him for such a situation. He uses a chair to jump over Azula’s head and then slam her into the wall, hands above her head so she can’t bend.

Not surprisingly, she laughs. “What are you going to do, Azarin? Kill me?”

“Fuck you, Azula,” he pants, hands gripping hers harshly enough to nearly break a bone. She barely flinches. “I’m letting you live. But ask Zuko what I’m capable of when you get back. I’m sure he’d  _ love _ to tell you about how I almost broke his face into pieces the other night.”

Ignoring him, Azula looks past Azarin’s shoulder to Ru, who’s apparently frozen as he watches. “Don’t just stand there, stupid! Attack him!” Almost instantly, Azarin’s senses pick up Ru’s movement and he ducks, letting go of Azula and avoiding Ru’s attack, but Azula is too busy checking her hands for bruises to react quick enough. Her hands get burned, and she screams, immediately attacking Ru. “You fucking  _ idiot! _ You and your family are going to prison!”

Azarin doesn’t stick around to find out what happens to Ru next. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t care. He breaks through the window while Azula screams at Ru and runs through the city toward camp, and he arrives after the sun is rising considering Ru’s house was far, far into the capital. He’s exhausted from no sleep, exhausted from running all night, and exhausted from being manipulated.

When he walks up the path, Aang and Sokka are sitting in front of Appa and eating some fruit. Aang’s eyes light up when he sees Azarin. “Hey, Azarin! How was your night?”

Azarin holds up a hand, shaking his head. “My head hurts, I’m exhausted, Azula almost killed me, and I just wanna go to sleep. Where’s Katara?”

“Wait, what do you mean Azula almost killed you?!” Sokka stands, making his way over to Azarin. “And where’s your shirt?”

“Sokka, don’t worry about it,” Azarin responds, letting out a sigh. Aang is now next to Sokka. He doesn’t feel like being interrogated, he just wants to go to sleep holding his friend. “I asked you where Katara is.”

“She went into town to run a scam with Toph,” Aang answers, and when Azarin gives him a questioning look, he shrugs. “We were just as shocked.”

Well, it looks like he’s not getting any comfort for the time being. “Aang, can you earthbend me a tent, please? I’m so fucking tired. We should probably move camp, but...I’m just so done with today already.”

Aang nods, doing as Azarin asked and smiling at him. Azarin goes to thank him, but Sokka steps in front of Aang, eyes narrowed for a moment before his expression softens. He sighs. “Get some rest. We’ll pack up camp and wake you up when Toph and Katara get back.”

Looking at Sokka brings Azarin comfort, even if he isn’t Katara. Azarin’s nerves are shot and he just wants to sleep, but Sokka is here and being understanding and Azarin just kisses him because he can, because Sokka will  _ never _ do to him what Ru did, even if they never end up dating or having feelings for each other. Azarin wants to tell Sokka all of this, tell him how much he appreciates him, but he isn’t sure he knows how to word it.

“Thank you for not being a backstabbing asshole, Sokka,” is what he gets out, but it still makes Sokka smile anyway.

“You’re welcome, I guess?” Sokka runs soft fingers through Azarin’s hair. “Go sleep, Azarin.”

With his body dragging and mind shutting down, Azarin isn’t going to argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it came to my attention that someone plagiarized azarin and parts of my storyline. a HUUUUGE thank you to [Rainwalker12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainwalker12/pseuds/Rainwalker12) for not only letting me know about it, but commenting on the plagiarized story on wattpad.
> 
> what's the most painful about it isn't that someone stole my ideas and character (even though it makes me really angry the way they wrote azarin bc they absolutely BUTCHERED my boy), it's that the person that did it wasn't some random that reads my fic. it was someone who followed me on twitter, even my PRIVATE account, and talked to me about my fic all the time. he talked about how much he related to azarin and how much azarin's story and struggles have helped him with his own...but then turned around and used all the ideas i talked to him about to create his "own" story. he had the audacity to blatantly lie to Rainwalker12 about how he got his idea, and then lie to ME when i confronted him about it. i put him in his place and he took the story down thankfully, but if anyone comes across a user Vgamers1rv on any platform (that's his username across the board) block them. and if you guys could keep an eye out for any more plagiarized fics, i would greatly appreciate it. I'm gonna start keeping a sharper eye.
> 
> anyway. i love you guys. i hope you enjoyed this chapter <3


	39. bloodbending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: right here - keshi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode eight: the puppetmaster
> 
> tw: breaking bones?
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Apparently when they run into trouble, it isn’t just from one source. They get hit on all sides, over and over, until they’re completely spent and exhausted. Katara and Toph were put in jail by the assassin that keeps following them everywhere and they didn’t even get the reward money for Toph’s capture. Luckily, they still have all the money they had previously won in their other scams, so it wasn’t  _ all _ for naught.

When they find a new place to camp outside a new town, Azarin finally has time to process what happened to him with Ru. He doesn’t want to think about it but he knows he needs to, especially after telling everyone what happened in detail. Katara is extremely concerned about him, and he knows if he doesn’t address it for himself then she’ll keep asking if he’s okay. He can’t lie to her...she always knows if he’s telling the truth or not.

Ru lied to him. Ru pretended to like him to get him alone and vulnerable, so Azula could kill him. Azula is trying to  _ kill _ him. Azarin is a spellbender and as long as he’s alive, the Fire Nation will be chasing him, trying to kill him. He didn’t ask for this, he didn’t ask to be born like this, so why does he have to die because of it? How did his father keep it a secret for so many years? How can Azarin be okay with himself when he has a target on his back and it’s constantly going to be putting his friends in danger?

Azarin knows what Katara would say. She would say Aang is the Avatar, that he has an even bigger target on him, so Azarin being a spellbender isn’t putting them in any more danger than they were already in. Even knowing this, though, Azarin still feels like he’s a burden. He had gotten himself into trouble all on his own with Ru...who’s to say he won’t be stupid enough to do it again?

Ru...his thoughts keep coming back to Ru. Azarin feels like an absolute idiot for not noticing anything that could have tipped him off to Ru’s plans...but how could he possibly have known? The only possible sign could have been how insistent Ru was about being alone with Azarin, about going back to his house. But still, Azarin chalked that up to him being horny. Maybe he should have been more cautious. Even still, Azula’s hands got burned in the end. It wasn’t a  _ total _ loss, Azarin thinks. He just feels stupid for being manipulated, but Azula knows exactly the buttons to push and routes to take to slither her way to where she wants to be. She’s conniving and cunning, like a snake.

Except...how did she know that Ru was a part of his past? She had been out shopping with Ursa when Lee and Ru were playing with Zuko and Azarin. Ursa had come back just in time to help Azarin with his freakout, so he guesses Azula learned who he was then. This still doesn’t explain how she knew Ru likes boys, because she didn’t even know  _ Azarin _ liked boys until he screamed it at her. It almost had to have been Zuko somehow...maybe Zuko pieced together why Ru and Azarin disappeared back then, or maybe he told Azula about Ru in conversation and she wanted to know more.

It doesn’t matter how it happened, though. It still happened, and Azarin feels like he’ll never get away from Zuko and his horrible family for the rest of his life.

Luckily, for the time being, they don’t have to sleep in the woods or on a rocky hill with only their sleeping bags to keep them warm at night. A kind old woman invites them to her inn for the night and Azarin is grateful, especially for a hot cup of tea. Sokka is suspicious of her, but he’s always suspicious of everything. Azarin is just happy to have a bed for the night, even if he’s sharing it with Katara.

“Azarin?” Katara’s quiet whisper spills out into the darkness as Azarin’s thoughts continue to overtake him. He’d thought she was asleep, but she turns over in the bed and slips an arm over his torso. “I can feel how tense you are. What’s on your mind?”

Letting out a short sigh, Azarin turns over to face her even though there’s barely any light in the room for them to see each other. “What do you think? I was manipulated and almost killed.”

“I know it has to hurt your pride...I’m sorry…” Her voice is filled with concern and worry, and Azarin wishes she would worry less. She doesn’t have to be his mother, but she makes it her priority most days. Sometimes he wishes she would stop taking on everyone else’s problems and take care of herself first, but he knows that will never happen. If Katara is happy making other people’s issues her own, then Azarin will let her. He just wants her to be happy.

“It’s not even about my pride, honestly.” Azarin finally answers. He has a piece of her hair between his fingers, twirling it to keep himself busy while he works out his thoughts. “I can’t trust anyone. Not from the Fire Nation, at least. Now that I know Azula is trying to kill me and isn’t doing it in these huge dramatic ways like she did with Aang, I cannot trust a single person I meet if they take an interest in me too quickly, romantic or not. Even though I don’t  _ feel _ like she’s a threat, Hama could be being paid by Azula just like Ru was. I didn’t put up a fight because I just couldn’t resist being able to sleep in an  _ actual _ bed, at least for one night. If Azula shows up, then whatever. I got past her by myself the other night...with you guys around we’ll be fine.”

Katara seems to think over his words for a few moments. He can feel her nod, even if he can’t see it. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to be so paranoid because of something you can’t control...you and Aang must feel like this all the time, huh?”

“I didn’t, not before this. I don’t even know how the Fire Lord and Azula found out about me being a spellbender, but it’s possibly the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” He pauses for a moment, moving a little closer to Katara and tucking her head underneath his chin. “I’ll take being tortured by my father a million times over this sense of dread and fear that’s now constantly looming over me.”

They don’t speak for a while and again, Azarin thinks Katara fell asleep. She doesn’t. “You’re always so  _ warm, _ especially now that we’ve been in the Fire Nation for a while. Who needs a blanket when I have you?” She nuzzles her face into Azarin’s chest, sighing with satisfaction. Azarin just laughs.

“You know, Katara, I think the universe saw how great we would be together and  _ had _ to make me like boys, because if not, you and I would be too powerful.” He’s smiling as he speaks, not that Katara can see. Hopefully she feels it.

“Fire and water...the world’s most essential elements…” She sounds pensieve, and dramatic. “I think you’re right. We’d be  _ far _ too powerful to be together. It’s better this way. Think of the waterbending and firebending babies we’d have, they’d destroy everything in their path.”

Azarin chuckles, feeling his eyes finally start to get heavy. He closes them. “The world couldn’t handle us. It can’t handle us now, even as friends.” Katara says something in response, but Azarin barely hears it. He falls into unconsciousness, with his friend wrapped around him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Azarin’s skin is on fire. _

_ He can feel Zuko’s lips moving across his chest and up to his neck, and Azarin threads his fingers into the prince’s dark hair. Zuko whimpers when Azarin grips his hair and he takes the lapse in time to move Zuko underneath him on the bed, wrists above his head and pinned with only one of Azarin’s hands. _

_ “Rin…” Zuko moans, hips rolling up into Azarin’s own, desperate for friction. “ _ **_Please…_ ** _ ” _

_ Azarin doesn’t respond, only smiles. He drops his head into Zuko’s neck and mouths across it, hearing the prince groan beneath him. His skin is burning for more of Zuko, all of Zuko, every last bit that the prince will give him. Azarin will take it. _

_ He gets the rest of Zuko’s clothing off with one hand while the other grips Zuko’s wrists together harshly, still held above his head. Zuko looks so beautiful like this under him, pale skin glistening with sweat in the low light, begging for pleasure and friction from Azarin, which he is more than happy to provide. _

_ Slowly, Azarin moves his lips down to Zuko’s collarbone and sucks a deep blue bruise into the milky skin there. Zuko moans out, hips thrusting up in a desperate attempt for pleasure that sends sparks down Azarin’s spine. Zuko nudges Azarin’s head with his own, and when Azarin looks up at him, their lips are pressed together hungrily. _

_ “Azarin…” The voice doesn’t belong to Zuko. It’s a girl… “Azarin?” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Azarin, wake up…”

His eyes flutter open and Zuko’s name is on his lips. His eyesight is met with Katara standing over him, looking extremely awkward. He immediately pulls the blanket over himself more, covering his chest. “K-Katara, I--”

“You were dreaming…” She says, and her cheeks blush as she looks away from him. “I’ll leave you alone if you wanna, um, take...care of that…” She points to his hips briefly, and Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever been as embarrassed as he is at this moment in time.

“I’m so sorry, Katara, I swear if I could control my dreams…” He shakes his head, then continues, letting out a ragged breath as he remembers just how  _ on fire _ his skin had felt with Zuko underneath him in his dream. “Will you get Sokka? Please…” Azarin doesn’t think he can take care of it by himself. He doesn’t want to think about Zuko.

Katara nods, exits the room, and not a minute later a yawning Sokka enters, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “What’s so urgent that you had Katara of all people wake me u--  _ oh…” _ Sokka’s eyes grow wide when he sees that  _ something _ is pushing the blanket up. Color fills his cheeks as he steps toward the bed. “You know, I’m not sure why you decided to share a bed with my sister and not me.”

Azarin rolls his eyes and grabs Sokka by the arm, pulling him down onto the bed next to him, then positions himself on top of the other boy. His hair hangs down between them, and Sokka runs his fingers through it. “I didn’t plan on waking up with  _ this--” _ he emphasizes his words with a roll of his hips down into Sokka, eliciting a soft sound from him. “--between my legs. If you and I shared a bed, we’d never sleep.”

“Why’s that a bad thing?” Sokka questions, but doesn’t give Azarin a chance to respond before crashing their lips together. Two rushed handjobs later, Sokka and Azarin make their way downstairs for breakfast.

Their day is relaxing, if Azarin is being honest. He’s relieved to find out that Hama isn’t an assassin sent by Azula, and instead she’s actually living in secret in the Fire Nation, just like they are. She’s from the Southern Water Tribe, just like Katara and Sokka, and she’d invited them to her inn after hearing Katara tell her scary Water Tribe story that night in the woods. She questions why they’re traveling with a firebender and Azarin wonders how she knows, but she’s old and wise. She can probably sense it, especially after being around them for so long.

Still, they briefly go over Azarin’s story and Hama is compassionate and understanding about it, a lot like Katara always is. Knowing Hama is a waterbender brings him a lot of comfort, and he hopes they can stay with her for a while...especially because her cooking is  _ great. _

The next day, while Sokka, Aang, and Toph go into town to try and figure out what’s going on that’s angered a spirit so much it’s kidnapping villagers, Hama takes Katara deep into the woods to a clearing and teaches her how to waterbend when it seems like there’s no water to bend with. Azarin sits on a nearby rock and admires their techniques, and even notes a few forms to try out with fire. Hama keeps a sharp eye on him.

The sun is going down soon enough and Azarin’s getting anxious; the moon is full tonight and he doesn’t exactly want to get kidnapped by some spirit. When the moon starts to rise, he goes to get up and say something, but Hama pulls water from the grass around her and freezes it, sending sharp needles of ice his way. He bends a stream of fire toward them and melts them.

“Great reflexes, firebender,” Hama smiles at him, but it doesn’t feel right for some reason. He stiffens, muscles tense, and recalls that no matter how much everyone else says his name, he doesn’t think Hama has said it ever, not once.

“Thanks, I guess?” His eyes move to Katara, who looks apologetic. “It’s getting late. We should head back before that spirit shows up and takes us somewhere I’m sure none of us wanna go.”

Hama’s eyes narrow at him. “Nonsense. Katara and I are only just getting started. The moon rises, and so does our power. You may leave if you wish, boy.”

“I don’t want Azarin to leave,” Katara says this quickly, and Azarin smiles.

They move to another spot, and Hama begins telling Katara how she escaped prison. She talks about a method of waterbending that she honed and perfected herself, over several years, and it piques Azarin’s interest. He loves learning about different bending methods, no matter the element involved...but this is something entirely different. Hama is talking about controlling someone from the inside, by the water inside their body, and Azarin is glad that Katara is on the same wavelength that he is. It’s wrong, and there probably isn’t even a spirit taking people. It’s probably Hama, using bloodbending.

“We're the last Waterbenders of the Southern Tribe. We have to fight these people whenever we can. Wherever they are, with any means necessary!” Hama drones on, but both Azarin and Katara have heard enough.

“She said no, Hama,” Azarin stands from his seat, stepping next to Katara.  _ “You’re _ the one who’s making people disappear during full moons, not some spirit. Come on, Katara, we’re leaving.” He takes Katara’s hand and she squeezes it, but before he can even begin to step away, his entire body goes rigid. He lets go of Katara’s hand and falls forward, to his knees, and he can’t fight the power that’s pushing him to do it. It feels like every vein in his body is burning and boiling, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

Katara screams. “Let him go!  _ Please!” _ She’s next to him in an instant, hands on his shoulders but it does nothing. Hama’s control is too strong.

“He’s just like them, Katara! They threw me in prison to rot, along with my brothers and sisters, and here  _ you _ are shacking up with a firebender! What would your mother say?”

“Azarin  _ isn’t _ my boyfriend!” Katara cries out, standing again with tears streaming down her face. “He’s my  _ friend, _ he doesn’t even like girls!” At this, Azarin’s body jerks more toward the ground and he shouts in pain as his arms twist and bones break.

“That doesn’t make a difference, they’re all the same,” Hama snarls, eyes sharp and glinting with power. Azarin truly feels like he’s going to die. “They all deserve the same treatment they gave me, and you must carry on my work!”

Katara, with a defiant lilt to her voice, assumes a bending stance. “I won't! I won't use bloodbending, and I won't allow you to keep terrorizing this town.  _ Let him  _ **_go_ ** _!” _

Without another second passing, Katara is on the ground next to Azarin. He wants to help her, but he can’t even move, he can’t even speak. The pain in his body is too great. Hama laughs, and it makes a terrified chill run down his spine. “You should have learned the technique before you turned against me, Katara. It's impossible to fight your way out of my grip. I control every muscle, every vein in your body.”

In an instant, Katara is back on her feet while Azarin’s arms are twisting and breaking more. He wants to scream, but Hama is bending his mouth shut. He starts to cry, and his tears are so heavy that he can’t see anymore. He should have trusted his instincts to begin with. Hama may not have been sent by Azula, but there  _ was _ something going on behind the scenes. He had sensed it, he and Sokka both but they all ignored it.

He blacks out from the pain. The last thing he remembers is Aang and Sokka showing up, and Katara standing over him. When he wakes up, it’s to that cooling, magical sensation of Katara’s healing power around his arms. He smiles faintly, and when she’s done healing his arms, Katara pulls him into a tight embrace, her tears soaking into his clothes. They’re flying on Appa, probably far, far away from that town and those people.

“I’m so sorry, Azarin, I’m  _ so _ fucking sorry…” Katara’s voice is shaking and desperate, and Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever heard her curse as much as she has been lately. “You didn’t deserve this…”

Azarin tries to move his arm up to touch Katara’s hair, but a searing pain shoots up his arm and he can’t move it. He hisses out in pain. “It wasn’t your fault. She was insane.” His voice is hoarse, probably from trying to scream so much. Still, he continues to smile up at her. “Thank you for protecting me, Katara...I love you. So much.”

Katara pulls back, trying to smile. She runs a hand down his face. “I love you too, Azarin. You’ll be okay, I promise...I just have to keep healing your arms consistently.”

He nods, and she gets back to work. Aang moves over to them, watching. “What happens if Azarin can’t heal in time for the invasion?”

“He will,” Katara responds, immediately. Next, Sokka shows up on the other side of Azarin, while his arms are covered in water.

“But, Katara, we need a backup plan for if he can’t bend…”

“He’ll be able to bend, Sokka!” Katara snaps. More tears fall, landing on Azarin’s chest. “He’s helping you and dad lead the invasion because I’m  _ going _ to heal him!”

No one else speaks up after that.


	40. the day of black sun: part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: play with fire - sam tinnesz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episodes nine, ten, and eleven: nightmares and daydreams / the invasion / the eclipse
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Zuko is trying to be happy, he truly is. Mai makes him happy, spending time with her makes him happy, but he knows he’s lying to himself deep down. Mai is a fever dream, one that he wishes were real because the truth is too painful to face. He wants to love her, he wants to grow up and marry her and have children with her and run the Fire Nation with her. Again, he now knows this is only a fever dream. Mai isn’t who he’s meant to be with, but he wants her to be. She’s the safe option, his easy way out without coming to terms with how he truly feels. Zuko likes Mai. He’s attracted to her, and he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with her. It would be soft and sweet, but it would be an illusion, and Zuko is fed up with lying to himself.

The way Zuko wants Mai is such a stark contrast from the way Zuko wants Azarin that thinking about it makes his head spin. Mai is a gentle pulse of water from the skies, one that’s not unexpected, but welcomed. Azarin is a monsoon after the dry season, he’s what’s been there all along but what comes crashing into everything when it’s least expected. Azarin is a _need,_ one that burns so deeply within Zuko that it’s painful.

If this is how Azarin has felt for the last nine years, then Zuko has a hell of a lot to make up to him.

But even if Zuko _wants_ to make it up to him, he can’t. Azarin has made it clear he wants nothing to do with Zuko anymore, that loving him hurts too much and he’d rather live without him. If Azarin just gives him a chance -- _one more chance_ \-- then he’d see how much Zuko has changed and grown, how much Zuko is the boy he fell in love with now. Zuko wants to prove himself, mainly to Azarin, but mostly to himself. He knows he’s capable of doing the right thing, of making the right choice. Now more than ever, Zuko wants to do the right thing, and maybe it isn’t the best timing but he’d rather be late than not show up at all.

The war meeting truly solidifies all of this in Zuko’s mind. He doesn’t want to just sit there and be the perfect, obedient prince that his father wants him to be. He wants to be heard, he wants to stand up for what’s right and he wants to feel comfortable enough with who’s around him to be able to do that. Here, in this palace, with his father and Azula? He’s the farthest thing from comfortable, which is why he escapes to Mai constantly. Zuko is tired of walking on eggshells. He wants to be comfortable again.

When Zuko makes the decision to leave, he knows he has nowhere to go.

His father will have Azula track him down and kill him, just like he did with Azarin. He’ll never be able to get this life back, not until his father and sister fall...but he’s beginning to be completely okay with that. Nothing matters more to him than getting away from how suffocated he feels, nothing matters more than trying to make things right. With his uncle, with the Avatar, with Azarin. Zuko finally wants to make things right.

Zuko remembers the very first time that Azarin put himself into danger to protect Zuko. They were barely nine and ten years old, their friendship still new. Zuko was climbing the rocks on Ember Island and slipped, just barely catching himself. He couldn’t hold himself up, but the drop was too far up to be safe, and Zuko didn’t want to be embarrassed so he made Azarin promise he wouldn’t get Ursa or his father. Azarin climbed the rocks from the other side as quickly as possible and pulled Zuko up. He didn’t even think twice about risking the same thing happening to himself...he just put Zuko’s safety before his own, naturally.

Zuko thinks he should have known, then. He should have known that the way Azarin cared for him was more than a normal friend would, but he was too selfish. He’s always been too selfish, and Azarin has always been there to keep him in check and to lift him up, despite the burdens that Zuko holds...despite the burdens that Azarin himself holds. Zuko has never known what it’s like to put someone else’s needs above his own, because he’s never had to. Azarin has always made sure that he doesn't have to, and it’s about time that Zuko does the same for him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As if things couldn’t get any worse than they already were, Aang starts having nightmares that prevent him from sleeping. Azarin is in a similar position, except he can’t sleep from how much pain his arms are constantly in. Nightmares are the least of his worries. Every few hours, Katara forces a healing session on him, but it’s two days before the invasion before he even gets movement back into them. Once he does, though, he starts sleeping a little better.

Whenever he’s awake, Aang is hounding him about teaching him firebending, but Azarin knows he isn’t ready yet, especially so close to the invasion. Aang is restless and frantic and Azarin can’t teach someone like that, and it’s honestly pointless anyway. Even though they’re about to take down the Fire Nation, Aang won’t even be able to use firebending for the most important part of the invasion, so Azarin sees no point in trying to teach him right now. They can focus on it after the Fire Lord is taken down.

It would taste a lie for Azarin to say that his lack of sleep has nothing to do with Zuko. There’s a large chance that in a few days, he’ll be seeing Zuko again, and he doesn’t know what to think or feel about it. While he knows he won’t lose control of his emotions again, he still can’t help the sense of dread he feels. Seeing Zuko just makes him hurt, makes him feel things he doesn’t want to feel. Azarin still loves him, even after everything that’s happened. He still loves Zuko, and he doesn’t think that will ever go away at this point. It’s become an aching comfort at the back of his mind, in the bottom of his heart. That thing that he’s felt for so long, but will never be satisfied. The ache is strong, but Azarin is stronger. He never lets it consume him, not like it had before. He can’t, because succumbing to it would mean he’s weak when it comes to Zuko. He doesn’t want to be weak anymore.

The day of the invasion, Azarin wakes to Katara’s healing and a warm smile on the waterbender’s lips. “Morning,” she says, then pulls the water around his arms back into the skin lying on the ground next to her. “How do you feel?”

Sitting up, Azarin lifts his arms into the air, rolling his shoulders a bit. There’s pain and soreness, but the worst of it has seemed to pass. He smiles. “I feel perfect. Thank you, Katara...for everything.” Finally, Azarin can wrap his arms around her again. He holds her close, even if the straining in his muscles makes them ache. When he pulls back from Katara, he lets out a sigh. “Still a little sore...but I can definitely bend once we’re at the capital.”

“Now _that’s_ what I’m talking about!” Sokka’s voice comes from behind Katara. He stands behind her with his hands on her shoulders, grinning wide. “I knew you’d get better in time for the invasion!”

Katara immediately stands up and raises her voice, finger poking into her brother’s chest. _“You_ were the one saying we’d have to leave Azarin to guard the subs because he’d be too weak to fight!” It’s amusing, honestly, because Katara is right. Sokka has backup plan after backup plan for the invasion, but he hadn’t seen Azarin’s inability to fight and was unable to plan for it. Azarin had truly been hoping that he could push through, because he for damn sure was not about to stay behind while everyone else fought the Fire Nation.

“I was just...trying to be realistic…?” Sokka doesn’t sound sure of himself at all. Katara shoves him back, but before she can yell at him any more, Azarin stands up and gets between them.

“Guys, today is _really_ not the day to be fighting amongst ourselves, don’t you think?” He turns to face Sokka, who at the very least looks like he’s apologetic. “When is everyone else getting here? I might have some time to train my muscles a bit after not being used for so long.” It’s barely been a week, but already he feels like the weight of his arms are too heavy to lift. It isn’t good, not on _today_ of all days, but at least he can move them at all without being in an insurmountable amount of pain.

Sokka nods. “They should be here in about an hour, and it’s a good bit of a journey to the Gates of Azulon. You’ll have some time, and I’m sure Toph won’t mind getting some training in with you after breakfast.”

“If she ever wakes up,” Katara interjects, with a roll of her eyes. Azarin gives her a _look_ that she definitely ignores. “Before we hit the beaches, I’ll give you one last healing session and hopefully that should kill the soreness.” Even though Azarin is still afraid his arms won’t be completely back to normal by then, he thinks this is the best plan they have at the moment.

Toph wakes up halfway into their breakfast, and after they’re all finished eating, she, Aang, and Azarin spar for a bit until the rest of the invasion force arrives. Azarin, of course, won’t have any bending ability until they get back into the Fire Nation, but that doesn’t mean he can’t put up a good fight until then.

Azarin is happy to see Hakoda and Bato again, along with meeting the rest of the Water Tribe warriors as well as people Aang, Sokka, and Katara had met before Azarin and Toph joined them. With the amount of people here and their invasion plan airtight, Azarin thinks that this might actually work. As long as the Fire Lord doesn’t see it coming and just stays in his bunker for the eclipse, then everything should go smoothly.

After Sokka kinda tanks his speech and Hakoda gets everyone inspired, he gestures for Azarin to come up to address everyone. Azarin doesn’t think it’s a good idea and he isn’t prepared for it whatsoever, but he knows he’s the only person there that has inside knowledge of the capital and the palace. Hopefully he doesn’t choke like Sokka had.

“So...as most of you know, I spent five years growing up in the Fire Nation Royal palace…” Azarin tries not to think too hard about what he’s saying, and just talk. He likes talking, at the very least, and he likes talking about himself. Maybe some part of his journey will be inspiring. “Every entrance, every window, every _vent_ is guarded at all times, and any member of the Royal Family has at least two guards with them at any given moment. The Fire Lord has a miniature militia guarding him wherever he goes, and every guard is a firebender. This _will not_ be easy.”

Looking out into the crowd of people, Azarin smiles. Everyone is here to do what’s right, to do anything that will help end the war. He relaxes a little. “But...none of you are here because you thought it would be easy.” He pauses, and looks over to where Toph, Aang, Sokka, and Katara are standing. His smile gets wider. “Even though we have an advantage because of the eclipse and our machinery, everything has to be precisely timed so we don’t lose our edge. Firebenders never lose theirs, which is why the Fire Lord cowers underground during every solar eclipse. They aren’t used to being at a disadvantage, but they’re about to learn what it's like.”

To his surprise, cheers erupt from the crowd. It urges him on. “I was on the wrong side of this war my whole life. I was taught that the war started because Fire Lord Sozin wanted to spread the Fire Nation’s prosperity to the rest of the world, and that the world resisted because they didn’t know what was best for them. It’s only been a few months, but ever since I changed sides, I’ve seen how horrible the Fire Nation is and can be. Today, I want _all_ of you to remember what the Fire Nation has taken from you, taken from the _world._ Even I can remember what they’ve taken from me, their very own citizen.” Azarin takes in a deep breath and when he exhales it, he expects there to be fire.

“They took my mother and gave me a father that thought being abusive and violent was a way to parent. They gave me my mother’s lover to take care of me, and Fire Lord Ozai himself took her away. They threw the only good father figure I’ve ever had in prison, and they turned my best friend against me, making him into a person that I don’t even recognize anymore. The hurt and pain that the Fire Nation has inflicted on the world pushed a woman to break my arms and try to kill me, all because Katara is kind enough to call me her friend. This ends today. Today, we must take back the world and show them that _we_ are on the right side of history.”

At this, everyone stands, cheering louder this time. It feels surreal that Azarin is standing in front of a crowd of people that would have hated him just a year ago, and they’re cheering him on for giving them a speech. He feels like it’s an echo of something more, something bigger, but he isn’t quite sure what it is. Maybe he’ll never know.

On the boats, Sokka and Azarin train some more until they reach the Gate of Azulon. Sokka has seemed anxious since everyone else arrived, but Azarin isn’t going to push him to talk about it. They don’t exactly have the time, and Sokka is more of an action person than a talking person. After the day is over, Azarin will try to make sure he’s okay, but he’ll probably be fine once they win the battle.

Azarin forgot how incredible traveling underwater is. They haven’t had to do it since the Serpent’s Pass, but while they’re beneath the surface in the subs, Azarin stares out the windows at the water and sea life passing by. He wonders why Katara doesn’t just spend all her spare time down here.

While he’s stretching his legs and arms with Toph, he feels heat creeping into his body. It’s like a slow trickle of warmth that he wouldn’t have noticed if he had been occupied on anything else, but focusing on his body while he stretches makes it that much more prominent. He stops, and stands, opening his hand and lighting a flame in his palm. He smiles.

“Guys, I think we’re close enough to resurface,” he says, loudly, over the chatter in the sub. People’s eyes grow wide at the sight of him firebending, but Toph punches him in the back to get him to move toward the stairs to the roof. He realizes she’s trying to save him from an emotion-fueled fight with a bunch of strangers.

“Idiot, don’t firebend around everyone unless you’re fighting!” Toph exclaims, once they’re out in the open air on top of the sub. “Do you _want_ everyone to turn on you?”

He rolls his eyes a bit, then bends over to stretch his arms behind his back, hissing out from the strain it puts on his muscles and bones. Before he can ask where she is, Katara appears from the sub, smiling at him. “Ready for your last healing session?” When he nods, holding out his arms, Katara gathers water from the sea around them and surrounds his arms with it. He’ll always love the magical feeling of Katara healing him, no matter how many times he needs it.

When she’s done, Azarin stretches his arms out again, but there’s minimal pain. The soreness is reduced to a dull ache, a faint memory of his arms being broken that he never wants to relive. In an instant, he bends streams of fire into the air and can’t stop the wide smile that forms on his lips. He looks back to Katara, Toph, Sokka, and Aang. “I feel brand new.”

All of them wrap their arms around him, and each other. Even Momo lands on top of his head, curling up around the knot of his hair. Azarin feels safe, for the first time in a very long time.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Azarin?” Aang asks, once they all let go of each other. Sokka steps next to the Avatar, placing a hand on his shoulder and nodding.

“You haven’t been back inside the palace since you were banished, and you’re most likely gonna see Zuko again, on top of the Fire Lord...are you ready for that?” Sokka being concerned for him is sweet, all of them being concerned is sweet, but Azarin has been preparing himself for this for weeks... _months,_ even. He knows he’s ready.

“I’ve never been more ready to face the Fire Nation,” he says, as confidently as possible. He takes in a large breath, and when he exhales this time, flames spill from his mouth and smoke from his nose. “I’m prepared for anything.”

Azarin joins Katara on Appa this time, but they don’t speak much. The closer they get to the shore, though, the more Katara seems to get anxious. Azarin moves from Appa’s back to where Katara sits on his neck, sitting behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist with his chin on her shoulder. “Everything’s gonna be fine, Katara.”

She lets out a nervous breath while she bends the water around Appa’s head. “Aang kissed me.”

Azarin is only a little shocked, not at what she says, but at the timing of Aang’s decision. Still, he shrugs. “It’s about time.”

“You’re so stupid,” Katara says. She drops a little water on top of his head that he shakes off. “Now is not the time for him to do that. Now is _so_ not the time for that.”

“I don’t hear you denying that you liked it,” Azarin muses, and isn’t surprised when more water gets dropped on him. He sighs, reaching up to fix his hair. He ends up leaving it half down, since the hair tie Iroh and Lu Ten gifted him is too small to hold _all_ of the hair he has now. “Between you and Momo, I’m gonna look like shit when I see Zuko again.”

At this, Katara looks over her shoulder at him. “You _want_ to look good when you see Zuko? I thought you’re trying to get over him.” She’s clearly trying to get him to talk about himself so she doesn’t have to talk about Aang, but Azarin doesn’t mind. He won’t let her get away with it completely, though.

“I want him to know what he’s missing, since he’s so _devastated_ that he missed it.” Azarin’s tone is flippant, and it makes Katara laugh a little. Her smile fades when he continues. “Anyway, if Aang got the courage to kiss you, it’s probably because of the possibility that he could die today. I mean, we all could. So, it’s definitely the best time to do it, since he may not have the opportunity after this.”

Katara doesn’t respond. Azarin knows it’s because she’s thinking about the possibility of none of them making it out of this alive.

When they land, Azarin moves to the front of the fleet and begins taking out soldiers with Hakoda, Bato, and Sokka. It’s easy for him with years of training under his belt, and it’s amusing to watch fully grown adults marvel at the fact that they’re being taken down by a kid half their age. Azarin keeps an eye on Sokka in case he needs to drop what he’s doing to protect him, but Sokka honestly doesn’t need help. He’s fighting as smart as possible, and Azarin is proud of him.

They start getting taken out more than they’re progressing, and Hakoda realizes it’s the battlements on top of the cliffside. He, Sokka, Katara, and Azarin ride Appa up the cliff to start taking them down. Azarin goes with Hakoda while Sokka and Katara get one on their own, and it seems like a simple mission. Hakoda climbs the side of the structure and lands inside while Azarin burns the door down and forces the guards to flee. Before he can get up to the top and destroy the shooter, it goes off and sends Hakoda flying down into the wall. Azarin cries out his name and catches him before he hits the floor and breaks a bone.

With his arm slung over Azarin’s shoulder, Hakoda stumbles out of the battlement and his children rush to him. Katara tries to heal him, but it only helps slightly, and they don’t have enough time for her to do a full session on him. She stays with him, hidden, while Azarin and Sokka go to lead the troops for the rest of the invasion. Azarin is worried, because if Katara and Sokka lose their father...he doesn’t even want to think about the pain it would cause them.

Sokka shows incredible leadership, and if they weren’t in the middle of a battle, Azarin could kiss him from how proud he is. From Appa’s saddle, Azarin and Sokka fight off more attacks as they make their way toward the volcano, but while they stop to assess their progress so far, Aang comes back and tells them not only is the palace abandoned, but the entire capital. That isn’t normal.

“Azarin, I thought you said only the Royal Family goes underground during eclipses?” Sokka questions, sounding irritated, and Azarin shakes his head. He’s trying to make sense of this.

“Because that’s what I knew!” Azarin snaps back, flames emitting from his fingers in frustration. “This doesn’t make any sense...why would they evacuate the entire capital? If they didn’t know we were coming, then--”

“That’s the thing,” Sokka interrupts. “They _did_ know we were coming, somehow. We have to work around this.”

“I couldn’t even find the entrance you were talking about, Azarin,” Aang adds this with his eyes looking frantic. “They must have made a completely different bunker if they knew we were coming, because they knew you’d know where the old one was.”

Hakoda nods. “You kids should go ahead and find the Fire Lord. He knew we’d have inside information because Azarin is on our side. He prepared for it.”

Azarin lets out a shout of frustration and sends some fire into the air. “Ozai is going to regret ever crossing us. Let’s go.”

Regrettably, Katara stays behind to finish healing Hakoda. Azarin doesn’t expect this, he expects to have her by his side while they invade the palace, because he needs her. He needs her comfort, but Hakoda needs her more. He can’t be selfish, not at a time like this. He only wishes it were different.

Toph finds the new bunker easily, and it’s a task getting to it, but they eventually find the Fire Lord’s chamber and break through it. Azarin is fully prepared to fight back lightning when they enter, but it isn’t Ozai that’s sitting on the throne in front of them. It’s Azula.

“So,” she starts, amused look on her face as she stares at Aang. “You _are_ alive, after all. I had a hunch that you survived, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve known about the invasion for months.”

Azarin shoots a stream of fire her way, and tries to send another, but it doesn’t work. The eclipse has started. He growls, feeling his anger begin to boil. _“Where_ is Ozai?”

“Hm, you mean I’m not good enough for you?” Standing up, Azula feigns innocence even as Azarin narrows his eyes at her, teeth clenched. “You’re hurting my feelings, ZaZa.”

Azarin goes to attack her, but Sokka catches his arm and holds him back, addressing Azula. _“Stop_ wasting our time and give us the information. You're powerless right now so you're in no position to refuse.” Even though Sokka’s grip on his arm is strong, Azarin knows he can break free of it if he wants to. He doesn’t, though, because he knows Azula is just trying to bait them.

“And stick to the truth. I'll be able to tell if you're lying,” Toph adds, but Azula seems to find this amusing.

“Are you sure? I'm a pretty good liar.” Azula steps down toward them, her face an expressionless void. She takes in a breath. “I am a four hundred foot tall purple platypus bear with pink horns and silver wings.”

Toph seems to consider this. “Okay, you’re good, I admit it…” She bends Azula into an earth prison and they all step toward the princess. “But you really ought to consider telling the truth anyway.”

Azarin’s eyes are locked with Azula’s, waiting for her to speak again, but she doesn’t. The rock around her crumbles and they’re all left in shock as Azula explains that she brought back Dai Lee agents from Ba Sing Se when she left. Azarin is done listening. He strikes at Azula with his hands and feet but she’s so agile that he can’t land a hit on her. Aang is trying to hit her with airbending while Sokka and Toph fight off the Dai Lee agents, and Azarin really wishes Katara was there to help them.

After a short while of going back and forth, Azarin starts to realize that both Azula and the Dai Lee aren’t fighting as hard as they could be. Even without her bending, Azula could easily take down Aang or Azarin, but she’s holding back. It doesn’t take long for him to realize why.

He throws Azula back and turns to his friends. “I’m done wasting time with her! The eclipse won’t last forever. I’m going to find Ozai.” He turns and ignores their protests. He gets past Azula and even the Dai Lee agents, and she seems highly irritated that he figured out her plan, but she won’t dare show it. She lets him go, and Azarin runs through the tunnels to try and find the Fire Lord.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko doesn’t know why he ever thought talking to his father would make any kind of a difference. His father is cruel and self-serving, and nothing Zuko has to say will ever change that. Even still, he has to speak his mind, because he refuses to be the perfect son that his father wants. He doesn’t want to sit quietly anymore. He wants to be heard, even if his father is laughing at him and arguing with him and writing him off.

“After I leave here today, I'm going to free Uncle Iroh from his prison and I'm going to beg for his forgiveness. _He’s_ the one who has been a real father to me.” Zuko grips his swords a little harder as he stares at his father. The laughter that comes next irritates him, it gets under his skin even more than Azula’s.

“That's just _beautiful,”_ Ozai says, with a smirk on his lips. “Maybe he can pass down to you the ways of tea and failure.”

Zuko ignores his comment. He can’t let his father distract him. “But I’ve come to an even more important decision...I’m going to join the Avatar, and Azarin, and I’m going to help them defeat you.” He expects this to enrage his father. He expects yelling and screaming, but all he gets in response is a sly smile.

“Really? Since you're a full blown traitor now and you want me gone, why wait?” There’s a glint in Ozai’s eyes, like he knows exactly what he’s doing: baiting his son to try and kill him, so he can in turn kill his son. Zuko isn’t falling for it. “I'm powerless, you've got your swords, why don't you just do it now?”

Zuko shakes his head, and puts his swords away. “Because I know my own destiny. It’s with Azarin, helping him teach the Avatar firebending, because taking _you_ down is Aang’s destiny.” He turns, walking toward the door with his head down. “Goodbye.”

_“Coward!”_ His father calls, but Zuko continues walking, eyes closing to calm himself. “You think you're brave enough to face me but you'll only do it during an eclipse. If you have any _real_ courage, you'll stick around until the sun comes out.” There’s a pause, and Zuko is nearly to the door. “Don't you want to know what happened to your mother?”

The sentence wraps around Zuko like a deadly snake, and he knows he can’t walk out that door. He knows he can’t, because he’ll regret it for the rest of his life. Before he can turn back to his father, though, someone steps through the door...someone he least expects, and his heart leaps into his throat at the sight of them.

Azarin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't u guys love cliffhangers? i do uwu


	41. the day of black sun: part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: wolves - selena gomez / marshmello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episodes eleven and twelve: the eclipse / the western air temple
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“How absolutely  _ lovely, _ the Fire Nation’s two greatest traitors here to tell me how they  _ really _ feel,” Ozai states this with his voice dripping in amusement and sarcasm. “How have you been, Azarin? It’s such a shame that my daughter hasn’t succeeded in murdering you yet.”

Azarin tries to push past Zuko to get to Ozai, but the prince catches his arm and stops him. He immediately pulls out of Zuko’s grip and doesn’t look at him; he keeps his eyes sharp on the Fire Lord. “You know, Ozai, the last time a man spoke to me like that it was my father, and I killed him.”

Ozai laughs. It’s a terrible, awful sound that Azarin never wants to hear again. “You couldn’t kill me even if you tried, boy. You and I both are powerless. Zuko is the only one here that stands a chance against me.”

“Is that an invitation?” Zuko says, but his swords remain sheathed on his back. Azarin glances at him and sees a determined look on his face that he hasn’t seen since they were searching for the Avatar every day. “How about you stop trying to bait Azarin and tell me what happened to my mother?”

Azarin tenses. Zuko still doesn’t know the truth? Why did Iroh tell  _ him, _ but not Ursa’s own son?

Ozai grins. “My father, Fire Lord Azulon, had commanded me to do the unthinkable to you, my own son...and I was going to do it. Your mother had found out and swore she would protect you at any cost. She knew I wanted the throne and she proposed a plan, a plan in which I would become Fire Lord and your life would be spared.”

Zuko stares at his father, eyes glistening with curiosity. Azarin knows Ozai is trying to waste time, but he isn’t going to interrupt this. Zuko needs to know. “She...protected me? From you?”

“Hm, she did,” Ozai nods. “Your Mother did vicious,  _ treasonous _ things that night. She knew the consequences and accepted them. For her treason, she was banished.”

“So she’s alive…” Zuko looks like he’s been hit by a brick wall. A tear falls from his eye and Azarin’s first instinct is to wrap his arms around the prince, but he doesn’t. He can’t let that be his first reaction anymore...he has to have more self control.

“Perhaps,” Ozai continues with a shrug. His eyes move to Azarin. “You don’t have that twinkling hope of your mother being alive though, do you, spellbender?”

Azarin’s fists clench together so hard that he’s sure his nails are cutting into his skin. “You’re not telling Zuko the whole story, are you?” Of course, Ozai is leaving out the part where he tortured Ursa for betraying him. Absolving himself of any guilt whatsoever is something he’s extremely good at.

“What?” Zuko says, wiping his tears away and looking between them for a moment before his eyes remain on his father. “What is he talking about?”

Ozai’s eyes narrow. His gaze doesn’t leave Azarin. “Your mother came back to see you and  _ him _ mere weeks after I became Fire Lord. She thought that I would let her because she ensured my rise to power.” He returns his eyes to his son. “At that point, I had learned of her affair with his mother through the letters I found in her bedroom. I knew about all of it — the affair, the arrangement for him to come to the palace, the ridiculous plans she had to take you and Azula to run away with that woman before she died. The only thing the letters never spoke of was Zhao being a spellbender, but dear Azula found that out for me by going through his things after he failed at the Northern Water Tribe.”

Azarin seethes. Hearing Ozai talk about his mother like she was just a character in a story makes his blood boil. “What did you  _ expect _ to happen when your father arranged your marriage without Ursa’s consent? Did you expect her to just fall in love with you and be happy forever? She was  _ already _ in love!”

“Love has  _ nothing _ to do with it, you insolent child!” Ozai spits, brow knit together in an aggressive stare. Azarin’s memory flashes with images of his father insulting him in the same way. “She was asked to serve her nation and she could not deny it. Either way, she betrayed me, and she paid the price for it.”

Zuko lunges forward with more tears spilling from his eyes, and it’s Azarin that has to hold him back this time. “What did you do to her?!”

“Nothing she didn’t deserve,” Ozai says this with the most disgusting smirk on his face. It takes everything within Azarin to not let Zuko go, so he can slice that face into pieces. “She suffered for her crimes. I let her live, but not without a reminder of who she crossed...I suppose I got the idea from my last interaction with you, Prince Zuko.”

Azarin can see the rage within Zuko begin to surface. He reaches for his swords, but Azarin stops him, stepping in front of him and trying to keep himself as calm as possible even though he wants to rip this man’s eyes from their sockets. “You’re a disgusting piece of shit, and you deserve death. Aang is on his way here and he’ll teach you that lesson, with the eclipse or not.”

Ozai laughs again. “That’s doubtful. Besides, the only lesson I’ve ever learned is that banishment is too merciful a penalty for treason...Ursa taught me that much. Zuko’s punishment will be  _ far _ steeper.”

At the worst possible moment, Azarin can feel his bending creeping back into him. He sees the realization in Ozai’s eyes and the moment the Fire Lord moves, Azarin is prepared to fight. He both sees and feels the lightning form, but he doesn’t get the chance to even get into the proper stance to deflect it, because he’s pushed behind Zuko in an instant. Azarin falls to the ground and Zuko is in front of him, taking in every bit of the lightning Ozai created, then pushing it back to his father. Ozai is thrown back into the wall when it strikes him, and Zuko turns, grabbing Azarin’s hand and pulling him out of the room and through the tunnels.

Azarin is in so much shock at what Zuko had just done that he doesn’t register Zuko is  _ holding his hand _ until they’re nearly out into the city. He pulls back just before they reach the doors, and Zuko stares at him, both of them breathing heavy from running.

“We have to get out of here, what are you doing?” Zuko asks, stepping forward. Azarin steps back. “Azarin…”

“You can’t keep saving my life and expecting me to forgive you,” Azarin says this as sternly as possible. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did to you, but that doesn’t mean I feel bad enough about it to let you get away with everything you’ve done to me.”

Zuko throws his hands down and makes an irritated sound. “Azarin, we don’t have time to do this! Not here, not now!  _ Please _ just—”

“Azarin!” Aang’s voice calls from within the tunnels, making both of them look down into the darkness. “Azarin, where are you?!”

Turning back to Zuko, Azarin starts backing away slowly. “I have to go. You should, too.”

“I don’t want to go without you,” Zuko says, and Azarin sees tears forming in his eyes. He holds out his hand for Azarin to take. “Come save uncle with me,  _ please, _ Azarin, he’ll love to see you…”

Azarin’s eyes move down to Zuko’s outstretched hand, then back up to the prince’s pained face. He shakes his head. “I don’t know what got into you so badly that you attacked your father, but I’m not sticking around to find out. I have to go, Zuko. I have people relying on me. Tell Iroh that I…” Azarin pauses as he’s backing away, then turns to start running down the tunnel. “Goodbye, Zu.”

He hears Zuko calling after him, and flames spill from around the corner, but Azarin keeps running.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They lost, again.

They have to leave Hakoda and the rest of the invasion in the Fire Nation, while anyone that isn’t an adult escapes on Appa. Azula had known, and she had prepared with airships that destroyed their subs, so they all couldn’t escape. There was no way they could have been ready for that, but the loss echoes between all of them and drapes a sadness over the group that Azarin hasn't seen before. He wants this nightmare to end, he wants the Fire Nation to finally fall, but he knows at this point that it’s going to take some kind of miracle. They have  _ flying warships _ for fuck’s sake.

Aang takes them to the Western Air Temple, because it’s the closest place that isn’t in the Fire Nation, but is safe for them to stay. Azarin is exhausted and just wants to rest, but they have to unload everything and set up a common area and get people properly distributed to rooms. Luckily, there’s enough space for everyone to have their own room and their own bed, even if the beds are old and extremely uncomfortable. Azarin puts his sleeping bag on top of it to make it more bearable, and tries to clean up the room a little bit so he doesn’t feel like he’s sleeping in a room full of dust.

“Did you end up seeing him?”

Katara’s voice sounds from the doorway and he looks up at her. She looks concerned, and sad, and Azarin just wants to hug her. Instead, he sits on his bed and sighs. “Depends on which  _ him _ you’re talking about. I saw them both.”

“The Fire Lord  _ and _ Zuko?” Katara’s eyes are wide as she enters and sits next to him. “How did that go?”

“About as great as you’d think it would,” he answers. He doesn’t exactly want to talk about it seeing as he hasn’t even fully processed what’s happened yet, but he knows Katara will pry it out of him somehow. “They were in a room together, alone, just talking. Ozai was...Ozai. Insulting and cruel, but Zuko…” He takes in a deep, shaky breath and shuts his eyes tight. “Zuko stood up to his father. Zuko  _ attacked _ his father, saving my life yet again, and then wanted me to go with him to save Iroh from prison.”

Katara scoffs. “Are we even surprised? He feels entitled to you, like you’re some prize to be won back now that he thinks he’s  _ good _ or something.” She seems angry, and her hand goes to her wrist where his mother’s bracelet is secured tightly to her skin. Azarin smiles, but Katara looks at him strangely. “Why are you smiling?! There’s nothing funny about this! Zuko is—”

“A stupid entitled dickhead, I know,” he finishes for her, then wraps an arm around her shoulders. “But you being so protective over our friendship is cute. I like that you care enough to get angry.”

At this, Katara actually smiles in return and leans into Azarin’s side. She lets out a sigh. “I don’t care how good he thinks he is. He can’t have you back...he’ll only keep hurting you.”

Azarin nods, pulling her closer. “He’s never getting me back. Like I told him...he can’t keep saving my life and expect me to forgive him. That’s not how this works, I’m not some lovestruck damsel in distress.”

“I’m glad you see that,” Katara responds, low, into Azarin’s chest. She pulls back and grins at him for a moment, then holds up her wrist. “And he’s definitely never getting  _ this _ back. Over my dead body.” Azarin rolls his eyes and closes his hands over her wrist, then leans forward and presses a small kiss to her hand. He isn’t shocked when color fills her cheeks.

“He doesn’t deserve it. I don’t think he ever did...I only gave it to him to make him feel better, honestly.” Azarin shrugs, a small smile still on his lips. “My mother would be proud of me for having a friend like you, Katara. I promise you deserve to wear that more than anyone else I’ve ever known. My mom would have loved you.”

With tears in her eyes, Katara throws her arms around Azarin and holds him tight. He does the same. “I was so worried about you when you guys went to the palace...I was worried Azula or the Fire Lord or even Zuko would kill you…”

Azarin holds Katara to his chest, fingers running through her hair a little, but he doesn’t say anything. He knows she must have been feeling incredibly left out and worried about them at the same time, even though Hakoda had needed her more. And now even after, her father is in prison unable to heal properly. She must feel like it was useless for her to stay instead of going to help them. Azarin doesn’t want her to blame herself for anything, but he knows she will anyway no matter what he says or does. So, he just lets her cry.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko remembers when he, Azarin, and his uncle first arrived at the Western Air Temple, nearly four years ago. He had been  _ so sure _ that the Avatar would be hiding there or at any of the other Air Temples that he destroyed some of the structures there when they all turned up empty. He regrets that now, because the temples are relics of a time, people, and culture lost. Zuko was just so angry back then...he was so naive and impatient. He hates thinking about himself back then, because that is the farthest thing from the person he is now.

He hopes his camp isn’t close enough to the temple that Azarin can firebend, because then they’ll know that he’s there, or they’ll think that someone from the Fire Nation is following them. Probably Azula. Then again,  _ he _ is from the Fire Nation...they might assume that it’s him. They might find him and attack him or keep him prisoner, but Zuko is fine with either. He knows he deserves for them to reject him, he deserves the worst treatment possible, especially from Azarin. He only hopes that when he gets the courage to confront the group, they see that he’s being sincere.

Before he left the capital, Zuko had returned to the palace and to his mother’s old room. He had found scrolls and parchments strewn everywhere, some of them burned and some of them torn to pieces. It was like a memory frozen in time, confirming that his father had actually been telling the truth for once instead of talking around it like he normally does. Zuko had gathered as many of the letters as he possibly could salvage before he left. He wants to give them to Azarin, because they were written by his mother. He deserves to have them.

Still, Zuko can’t help but be curious about what they say. Did they talk about him? Azula? His father? What things did they say to each other? What was their relationship like? Zuko wants to know everything...he’s upset that he didn’t know about it before. He’s upset that his uncle isn’t here to tell him what happened back then, to tell him about the woman his mother was in love with. Zuko wishes he had listened more when Azarin spoke about his mother, but he was just in so much pain from losing his own mother that he didn’t want to hear it. Now, he does.

Searching through his bag, Zuko pulls out an intact scroll and opens it. The handwriting is a little sloppy, and the letter isn’t that long.

  
  


_ Ursa, _

_ I don’t understand why you refuse to come see me. You say you love me, every single letter from you contains that sentiment, and yet you stay away in fear that your family will be ripped from you like flesh from bone. I am tired, Ursa. I am raising a child on my own, every day I live in fear that Zhao will show up and take my son from me or try to kill me...or both. All I ever ask of you is a few hours to spare, a few hours of your time whenever you can manage it. Yet that is still too much to ask of you, apparently. _

_ I’m afraid I can’t send any gifts for your children. It might be too  _ **_dangerous_ ** _ , your husband may wonder where it came from. And how could you live with yourself if he found out? _

_ I love you, and I wish you still loved me in the same way. _

_ -Manami _

  
  


Zuko closes the scroll before his tears fall and smear the ink on the page. What was his mother putting Manami through? Was she so afraid of losing him and Azula that she neglected the love of her life? That doesn’t sound like her, but Zuko only knows her as the devoted, self sacrificing, incredible mother she was. Maybe that itself had been the issue.

He takes another scroll from his bag, and this one is only a half-written letter. It’s his mother’s handwriting. Zuko sits up straighter and concentrates a little harder as he reads.

  
  


_ My dear Manami, _

_ I miss you. This is all I can write. I miss you, and I despise myself for the choices I’ve made. Iroh said that writing you a letter might help me cope better, that it might convince me you aren’t gone, because I’m writing to you just like I always have. But that isn’t the truth. You will never receive this letter, or any more whatsoever. _

_ I wanted to write down so many unsaid sentiments, so many whispered thoughts and sweet nothings that I’ve been dying to tell you for the last nine years...but none of it matters. You are gone. You’re never coming back, and I cannot bear it, Manami. Surely Ozai will find out now, with your son here and me holed up in my room constantly. _

_ I never should have allowed Ozai to control me. I never should have gone through with the wedding. I should have left with you when Azarin was born, I should have listened to you and started a family with  _ **_you_ ** _ , Manami. Now all I am filled with is regret, and grief. I cannot even bring myself to look at Azarin longer than necessary, even though he is the most lovely boy I have ever seen. He looks so much like you that it’s painful. He is  _ **_so much_ ** _ like you, and _

  
  


The letter ends there. Zuko can’t stop his tears at this point. They drop down onto the parchment and cause the ink to run down onto his fingers, but he doesn’t care. He had no idea that his mother was going through this when Azarin arrived...he was only concerned with getting a new friend to play with. He doesn’t expect an eight year old to pick up on so much grief, but he should have noticed that  _ something _ was off about his mother, right?

Even though Manami’s death hurt his mother and Azarin so much, Zuko can’t help but appreciate her sacrifice. She died protecting Azarin, and if she hadn’t, then Zuko would have never met him. Zuko never would have met the love of his life. And for that, Zuko will be thanking Manami for her sacrifice, for the rest of eternity.


	42. hello, zuko here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: savage (acoustic rain recording) - lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode twelve: the western air temple
> 
> tw: physical violence
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

The next day is relaxing. Aang shows everyone around the temple and Azarin actually likes spending time with the new kids, Haru and Teo. He tries to outrun Teo in his wheelchair and of course loses just about every time. Azarin doesn’t really mind, though. He likes the exercise since he can’t bend at the moment, and it’s keeping his mind off of...things.

Aang seems to be following his lead, though. Azarin, Katara, Sokka, and even Toph have tried talking to him about trying to learn firebending, but all he wants to do is take everyone around the temple, play games, and fly around with Appa on his glider. This is what they’re currently doing, with Katara, Sokka, and Azarin in Appa’s saddle chasing Aang while he flies around. Aang acts like he doesn’t hear Katara when she shouts at him, so Sokka tries while they’re trying to land.

“Aang, I think we should be making some plans about our future,” Sokka yells over the wind, then jumps off Appa while Katara and Azarin follow.

“Okay, we can do that while I show you the giant Pai Sho table,” Aang doesn’t even look at them as he lands, heading off in a different direction yet again. Azarin has had enough of him ignoring them for childish games.

“Aang,  _ please,” _ he steps in front of the Avatar, hands out. “I can still teach you firebending methods without having the power to bend, myself. We’re running out of time for you to learn. You can’t run from this.” Before Aang can respond, fire streams from Azarin’s fingers. They all collectively gasp, immediately looking around for any signs of the Fire Nation.

They’re met with Zuko standing beside Appa.

“Hello...Zuko here,” he says, more awkwardly than Azarin has ever heard him speak. Azarin attacks without another thought. Zuko avoids it, but just barely, looking up at Azarin in shock. “What was  _ that _ for?!”

“What the hell do you think it was for?” Azarin asks, while his heart threatens to burst from his chest from beating so hard. He doesn’t know if he’s more angry, shocked, or relieved to see Zuko again after only a day. He hasn’t even had time to fully process what happened. Azarin can still feel Zuko’s warm hand gripping his own...he shakes away the memory.

“Well, I heard you guys flying around down there, so I thought I’d wait for you here…” Zuko shrugs, and not a moment later, Appa is licking a nice and slobbery strip up Zuko’s entire body. Azarin finds it amusing, but doesn’t laugh as Zuko continues to try and explain himself. “I know you must be surprised to see me here.”

Sokka snorts in disbelief. “Not really, since you’ve followed us all over the world.”

“Personally, I  _ am _ surprised you have the guts to show your face around any of us without Azula to protect you,” Azarin never leaves his bending stance as he speaks. He expects Zuko to snap back with something sarcastic or dramatic, but this isn’t a year ago when they were best friends. His heart aches thinking about it. “Or do you  _ want _ your face pummeled into the ground again?”

“I guess I deserve that…” Zuko rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Azarin wonders what his point in all this is. “Well...uh...anyway...what I wanted to tell you is that I’ve changed. And I, uh...I’m good now. And, well, I think I should join your group.”

Azarin actually laughs at that, bending more fire in Zuko’s direction. “You’re out of your  _ goddamn mind _ if you think that’s gonna happen.”

Zuko closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath, then opens them again. “But...I can teach Aang firebending…”

Azarin snarls.  _ “I’m _ teaching Aang firebending, you little fucking--”

“But you can’t bend without a firebender around,” Zuko cuts him off, and Azarin lunges forward with a growl to attack, but feels Sokka and Toph holding him back by his arms. He knows he’s letting his rage get the best of him, but there’s more than just Katara here with him this time. He doesn’t  _ want _ to lose control of himself again, but he also knows that his friends won’t  _ let _ him.

Katara steps past Azarin, eyes narrowed at Zuko. “You can’t possibly think that any of us would trust you, can you? Especially after what you’ve done to Azarin? I mean, how  _ stupid _ do you think we are?!” At this, Zuko’s eyes find her wrist and he stares at the bracelet there, but doesn’t say anything.

“Yeah,” Sokka cuts in, voice strained from trying to hold Azarin back. “All you’ve ever done is try to hunt us down and capture Aang.”

“I've done  _ some _ good things,” Zuko seems hurt, but gestures to Appa. “I mean, I could've stolen your bison in Ba Sing Se, but I set him free.  _ That's  _ something.”

Azarin wants to say he can’t believe Zuko’s audacity, but he can. Zuko has no idea what earning trust looks like, but he’s about to learn in the hardest way possible: by being rejected. “Some other things happened in Ba Sing Se, or is your memory  _ that _ bad?”

Zuko avoids eye contact with Azarin, cheeks going just slightly red. “No, I remember, Rin.”

Using all of his strength, Azarin pulls out of Sokka and Toph’s grip to get directly in Zuko’s face. “You  _ don’t _ get to call me that anymore.” He hasn’t felt fire spilling from his throat since before the invasion, but it’s a familiar feeling that he welcomes. Appa licks Zuko again just as Katara pulls Azarin back, her fingers lacing through his own. The gesture calms him, but only slightly. Zuko’s eyes follow their hands and he looks a little upset...Azarin hopes it stings, even if what Zuko may be thinking isn’t true.

“Appa  _ does _ seem to like him,” Toph says, contemplatively, Sokka dismisses her quickly.

“He probably just covered himself in honey or something so Appa would lick him. I’m  _ not _ buying it.”

Zuko nods, finally taking his eyes off of Katara and Azarin’s hands. “I can understand why you wouldn’t trust me...and I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past…”

“Like when you attacked our village?” Sokka questions, accusingly.

Katara steps forward, letting go of Azarin’s hand and clenching her fists. “Or when you stole my mother’s necklace and used it to track us down and capture us?”

“Or what about when you found out I was in love with you and decided to ignore it and date Mai instead?” Azarin adds, breathing out fire from his nose, trying to control his anger the best he can.

Sokka nods, pointing back to Azarin. “And when he looked you in the eyes and told you that you’re tearing his heart out, you  _ attacked _ him and let Azula almost kill him!”

“Look…” Zuko starts, hands out in defense of himself. “I admit I’ve done some  _ awful _ things, especially to Azarin. I was wrong to try and capture Aang, I’m sorry that I attacked the Water Tribe, and I’m  _ so fucking sorry _ that I broke your heart, Azarin. I was...I was confused…” He pauses, shaking his head. “And I never should have sent that Fire Nation assassin after you. I’m gonna try to stop him.”

“Wait... _ you _ sent Combustion Man after us?!” Sokka raises his boomerang, and Azarin’s eyes are wide. He never thought Zuko would want  _ him _ dead, but he supposes he’s been wrong this whole time if he sent that man to kill all of them, Azarin included. He feels like a hole has been punched through his chest.

Zuko is actually visibly sweating. “Well, that’s not his name, but…”

Sokka waves his boomerang around dramatically as he speaks. “Oh,  _ sorry, _ I didn’t mean to insult your friend!”

“He’s not my friend!” Zuko raises his voice just slightly, which makes Azarin’s hands clench into fists again, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s afraid if he does, he’ll start sobbing.

Toph points an accusatory finger at Zuko. “That guy locked me and Katara in jail and tried to blow us all up!” She has a very valid point, Azarin thinks. That assassin has shown up at the absolute  _ worst _ of times, and they all thought Azula had sent him. It never crossed Azarin’s mind that Zuko could have done it. Not once.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Azarin thinks Zuko is talking to him, but he’s addressing Aang. “You once said you thought we could be friends. You know I have good in me.”

This is what sets Azarin off. He jumps quicker than anyone can move to stop him, sending flames toward Zuko to distract him. Azarin then kicks Zuko in the chest, making him hit the ground with a loud thud, effectively knocking the air out of his lungs. Before he can hurt Zuko even more, his hands are restrained behind his back with earthbended rocks that he assumes are courtesy of Toph.

Azarin drops to his knees, tears spilling from his eyes uncontrollably as he screams his words.  _ “I _ saw the good in you, I defended you to them when no one else was around to do it! I was your  _ best friend, _ Zuko...I was in love with you! And you not only threw all of that back in my face, you sent an assassin to  _ kill _ me?!”

“It wasn’t to kill you!” Zuko defends himself, weakly. “It was to make sure Aang was really dead...”

“And I was just collateral damage, huh?  _ God, _ Zuko, you haven’t changed one fucking  _ bit,” _ Azarin emphasizes his point by jumping up into a spin, quickly sending his foot to collide with the side of Zuko’s head. “Nothing and no one matters more to you than getting your honor back. Even after you had it, keeping it was more important than your best friend’s life.”

Clutching his head, Zuko groans in pain as he stands up again. “That’s not true… _ please _ just give me a chance…”

“There’s no way we can trust you after everything you’ve done,” Aang finally chimes in, pointing his staff at Zuko. “We’ll never let you join us.”

“You need to get out of here,” Katara says, while she pulls Azarin away from Zuko by his restrained hands.  _ “Now.” _

Closing his eyes and letting out a breath, Zuko stares at them and steps forward, not giving up despite the fight that’s sure to ensue soon. “I’m trying to explain that I’m not that person anymore.”

“Either you leave, or we attack,” Sokka is confident, boomerang held high. “I know Azarin would  _ love _ to personally kick your ass.”

“Nothing would make me happier, actually.” Azarin adds, even if he doesn’t fully believe that, himself. He knows he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back from doing the same thing he did a few weeks ago, and he doesn’t  _ want _ to repeat that, but Zuko doesn’t have to know it. Azarin pushes forward a little, but Katara pulls him back even more.

Zuko shakes his head and drops to the ground on his knees. “If you won’t take me as a friend, then maybe you’ll take me as a prisoner.” He bows his head and offers his hands for them to restrain. Azarin shoots flames from his foot at Zuko.

“I swear I will kill you with my hands tied behind my back if you don’t get the  _ fuck _ out of here,” Azarin’s breath is ragged, chest aching painfully because even as much as he wants to hate Zuko now, being around him still brings Azarin the smallest of comforts. He hates it. He wants it to end.

Before Zuko can try to defend himself more, Katara steps forward and hits him with her bending water. He falls to the ground again, dripping wet as he rolls over. Katara stays in a bending stance. “Get out of here and don’t come back. And if we ever see you again…” She shakes her head, trying to find the words. “Well, we better not see you again!”

Finally, Zuko leaves. Toph frees Azarin’s hands and he rubs his wrists to stop them from aching, not taking his eyes away from the direction Zuko had gone. After a moment or two, he feels Aang’s hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay, Azarin? You were  _ really _ angry…”

Azarin lights a fire in his hand, staring at it intently. “Let’s practice bending before he gets too far away.”

“Azarin…” Katara says, voice soft as she looks at him. “It’s okay to be upset about seeing him again so soon. He hurt you…”

“And I hurt him back,” Azarin responds immediately, shrugging. “Even if it’s not in the same way, it made me feel a little better. You shouldn’t have held me back.”

Suddenly, Azarin is turned to look at Toph. She had moved the rock below him to make him face her. “I’m sorry, do you not remember the  _ last time _ you fought Zuko?! You almost killed him!”

“Toph is right, Azarin. He’s hurt you so much that you can’t control your anger when you see him, or even just talk about him, even after all the progress you’ve made with your anger...” Aang is in front of him doing that keeping the peace Avatar thing, but Azarin isn’t in the mood for it right now. He lights blades of fire in his hands, and everyone steps back from him. Everyone except Katara.

“We’re  _ not _ gonna let you kill Zuko,” she says, standing tall in front of him, determination in her eyes. “That would hurt you more than anything he’s ever done to you, and you know it.”

Something in Azarin breaks. He grips his hair, face contorting in pain as he falls to his knees again, but Katara is there with him. She brings his hands down and holds them in her own, watching the tears stream down his face. Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever felt pain like this and he wishes so much that it were physical, that Katara could heal it like she did his arms and it would just go away. He doesn’t think this will  _ ever _ go away.

“Make it stop,” Azarin whispers. His eyes are pleading with Katara as Sokka and Aang get on the ground with them, hands gently resting on each of his shoulders. “Make me stop loving him.  _ Please…” _

A tear or two escapes Katara’s eye. She squeezes his hands tightly. “I wish I could, Azarin.”

“We all do,” Aang adds, and Azarin is surprised to see Toph standing next to him, trying her best to smile sweetly.

“We don’t like seeing you like this,” she says. She gets on her knees too, placing her hand on top of where Azarin and Katara’s are linked together. “You don’t deserve to hurt like this while he gets off great.”

He can feel Sokka gripping his shoulder a little harder, which makes him look at the other boy. “Don’t worry. We won’t let him hurt you anymore, Azarin.”

He feels something fill his chest, calming him down, but his emotions are so all over the place that he can’t place exactly what it is. Later, after they all argue about Zuko being around and when everyone else is asleep, he realizes that it was a different kind of love. One that doesn’t hurt, one that heals, and Azarin hopes it never goes away. He lies in his bed staring into the darkness, trying to envelop himself with that feeling again.

He’s confident that after today, he’s gotten most of his aggression toward Zuko out. Even if he hasn’t, he feels too grateful for his friends to let them down again. He won’t lose control of himself again...he’ll try his absolute hardest not to.

It’s realizing this that makes Azarin get out of bed impulsively.

Making sure that everyone is, in fact, asleep, Azarin quietly heads for the bridge that connects the forest to the temple. He tries to light a fire in his hand every few seconds, and when it’s finally lit, he follows the direction it leads him in as it grows larger. In a few minutes he’s led to Zuko’s campsite and sees the prince sleeping next to a fire.

Azarin steps under Zuko’s tarp and shoves his shoulder with his foot. “Wake up.”

“H-Huh? Who’s there?” Zuko mumbles as he turns over, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Azarin truly wishes Zuko weren’t so attractive, especially with his hair grown out. All Azarin wants to do is run his fingers through it, but also rip it out of Zuko’s head...

“Get up,” Azarin says, shoving Zuko with his foot again.

Zuko sits up, stretching his arms out. “Azarin? Is everything okay?”

Getting frustrated that Zuko isn’t listening to him, Azarin takes a fist full of the prince’s shirt and pulls him to his feet. His cheek is bruised from where Azarin had kicked him in the head earlier and it’s almost still second nature to him to want to reach up and touch it, to make sure Zuko is okay. He doesn’t, though, he just glares at Zuko while the other is looking up at him, concerned.

“No. Everything is  _ not _ okay, Zuko.” Azarin realizes how close they are to each other and steps back, around the fire, putting it between them before speaking again. “I have to teach Aang firebending without having the ability to firebend. He has to learn in a few weeks when you and I both know it takes months,  _ years _ to properly learn the right firebending methods. And I have to try and teach him in such a short amount of time, with no bending power, because my father was a fucking power hungry fraud.”

Zuko stares at him, blinking, confusion in his face. “Yeah, I know all this already. What are you trying to say?”

Azarin shakes his head, fists clenched. “I’m saying that no matter what you’ve done to me or any of us in the past...we need you around. We don’t need you  _ in _ our group, but we need you close enough to where I can bend, so I can at least teach Aang.”

“And what about after? What about when Aang beats my father?” Zuko poses the question like they even  _ have _ a plan for after. They’re just trying to make it to the fight itself. “Who becomes Fire Lord? Azula?”

Azarin actually laughs, because  _ of course _ Zuko is concerned about who becomes Fire Lord after Ozai is defeated. Why wouldn’t he be? “You can have your stupid Fire Lord title if it means that much to you, Zuko. You’re the first in line to get it anyway, not Azula.”

“I don’t want it,” is Zuko’s immediate response. Azarin stares in shock, eyes widened.

“You... _ don’t _ ...want to be Fire Lord?”

Zuko shakes his head, but looks away like he’s nervous. Azarin can’t tell if it’s just the low lighting or not, but it seems like his cheeks are flushed. It’s probably the heat from the fire. “I don’t. Not if it means…”

Azarin waits for him to finish, but it never comes. He gets frustrated, but breathes deeply to control his anger better. “Means what? That you’re just like your father? Newsflash, Zuko, you’ve been Ozai two-point-O for the last three years. Becoming Fire Lord isn’t going to—”

“I don’t want it if it’s not with you.” Zuko is now staring straight at him. Azarin can’t believe what he just heard, but he can’t speak. Zuko continues. “Becoming Fire Lord has always been my destiny, and I know that. There’s no changing that. But if becoming Fire Lord means I do it alone...then there’s just no point in it for me. If I become Fire Lord after my father and I don’t have you by my side — in  _ any _ capacity — then I’m abolishing the entire system. There will be no more Fire Lord, or Royal Family.”

Azarin is frozen in place, eyes locked on Zuko, but he still can’t speak. Even as Zuko rounds the fire and steps closer to him, he remains silent. His head is brimming with thousands of questions and thoughts, but he can’t seem to put them into the right words. He wants to support Zuko in his decision, because that’s his first instinct, but after everything Zuko has put him through...he can’t. Even if he thinks it’s a good decision, he doesn’t know why Zuko can’t just abolish the Fire Lord tradition in general. What does Azarin have to do with anything?

“But...why?” Azarin finally speaks up, albeit quietly. “What does you becoming Fire Lord have to do with me?”

Zuko smiles, but it’s sad. “Because I love you, Azarin.”

Nine years. Azarin has waited nine years to hear those words from Zuko. He had never imagined it would be like this...in fact, he had never imagined that it would ever happen at all. But here’s Zuko, giving Azarin everything he’s ever wanted, and yet Azarin can’t make himself want it like he used to. So much has changed in the last almost four years. Neither Azarin nor Zuko are the same person they used to be. Even though Azarin is definitely still in love with him, he can’t let Zuko in after everything he’s done. It would hurt too much... _ this _ hurts too much.

“Please say something…” Zuko brings Azarin out of his thoughts and he realizes he’s just been staring at the other while he was lost in his head this whole time.

Azarin gulps back his fear, eyes dropping to the ground. He speaks as normally as he can. “I still don’t see what that has to do with becoming Fire Lord.”

Zuko makes a frustrated sound and steps even closer to Azarin. “I’m so bad at explaining this...I don’t even think I can put it into words. I just...I don’t want to be Fire Lord if you’re not there with me, doing everything with me,  _ being _ with me. You’re my best friend, Azarin. You’ve done so much for me that you don’t even know you’ve done, just by being a good person and showing me the path I should have taken a long time ago.” The prince is now so close to Azarin that he’s forced to look at him. Zuko slowly places a hand on the side of Azarin’s neck, over his burn. When Azarin doesn’t react, he smiles. “I love you so much...I miss you so much, it hurts.”

Azarin’s heart is thumping inside his ears, his breath ragged. He has no idea what to do, or how to react. “Z-Zuko, I…” He trails off, because Zuko is closing his eyes and leaning up to press their mouths together and  _ dear fucking lord, _ this is what Azarin has wanted for so long and it’s finally happening. His body is screaming at him to give in, to be with Zuko and forget everything that’s happened, because  _ this is what he has always wanted. _

But...he can’t.

Mere centimeters away from each other’s lips, Azarin leans his forehead against Zuko’s own instead of kissing him, bringing his hand up to pull the prince’s down from his neck. He doesn’t let go of Zuko’s hand and takes the other in his own, as well. He sees a tear drip from Zuko’s chin and onto the ground, his voice filled with so much genuine pain that Azarin has never heard from him. “Rin,  _ please…” _

Azarin can feel that aching, burning pain in his chest start up again after so long of being dormant. He tries to will it away. “I’m sorry, Zuko. I...I can’t…” His voice is barely a whisper; Zuko squeezes his hands. “You’ve hurt me too much. I-I can’t trust you.” Slipping his hands from Zuko’s grip, Azarin turns and starts to walk away with tears finally spilling from his eyes. Zuko calls for him and he stops, but doesn’t face him. The amount of effort it takes for Azarin to do this is a little shocking to him. “Just...camp closer to the temple so I can firebend. Don’t come near us again.”

With that, Azarin makes his way back through the dark forest, to the temple, and into his room again. He lets the burning in his chest take him over completely, and cries silently until he falls asleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko has never felt pain like this before.

It’s like his heart is burning from the inside out, like his chest is caving in on itself, like the breath has been taken directly from his lungs. He doesn’t have it in him to even be angry and destroy things like he normally does, because he knows Azarin has every right to reject him like this. He knows that this is what he deserves, that this is only a small fraction of the pain he’s put Azarin through and he should be grateful that Azarin didn’t kill him.

If he knows that, then why does this still hurt so fucking much?

Maybe it’s because Zuko has no idea what he’s going to do if not only Azarin continues to reject him, but the rest of their group does, too. He doesn’t know where his uncle is, he can’t go back to the Fire Nation, if he continues living in the woods then Azula is sure to track him down and find him...if he stays near Azarin then he’d be putting him in danger, too. Azula can’t track and kill  _ both _ of them at the same time. Maybe he should just run, and keep running, just to keep Azarin safe. He’s thought it before but it wasn't a reality then...he still feels like Azarin hating him is better than Azarin being dead, though. And now, with this unbearable pain pulsing throughout his entire body, he knows that to be true more than ever. Even if Azarin hates him, even if this pain never stops, he would rather it be this way.

Azarin can’t die. The world needs him. If Zuko disappears and Aang defeats Ozai, if Azula is no longer a problem, then his uncle could become Fire Lord. If Iroh is Fire Lord, there would be no lineage to pass down...what if he passed it down to Azarin? What if Azarin was Fire Lord, and helped the Fire Nation become the peaceful country it once was before Zuko’s family tore it to shreds?

Zuko is starting to like this idea the more he thinks about it. He can disappear long enough to run from Azula, and if his uncle survived, he would become Fire Lord. Zuko just has to make sure that after Iroh, Azarin is next in line. Azarin could cleanse the Fire Nation of the sins of Zuko’s family...Zuko knows he could. If Azarin won’t be with him, then Zuko has made his choice.

If Azarin won’t love him, then Zuko will disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve had the vast majority of this written for months. i hope you enjoyed it (:
> 
> follow my twitter pls @breathofthewxld


	43. thin line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: hate me - ellie goulding / juice wrld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode twelve: the western air temple
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Wake up, almighty Avatar!” Azarin’s voice echoes throughout the room, causing Aang to jerk awake. The Avatar looks up at him sleepily, and Azarin grins, lighting a fire in his hand. “It’s firebending time.”

“Azarin...did you even sleep?” Katara’s groggy voice comes from the doorway; she looks like she’s _just_ stumbled out of bed from Azarin’s loud wake up call. “It’s so early…”

Azarin smiles wide, because no, he didn’t sleep. Not well, at least, but they don’t have to know that. “Think fast,” he says, then sends a stream of fire toward Katara.

Her reflexes kick in immediately as she pulls water from thin air and bends it around the fire, causing it to dissipate into steam. When it clears, she’s glaring at him. “How do you even have your bending? Where’s Zuko?”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “I paid him a little visit last night and told him he needs to camp closer to the temple so I can firebend. And guess what? He listened, so maybe he’s _actually_ good for something other than shattering my heart into a million pieces.” At this point, everyone is awake (except for Sokka and Toph) and staring at him like he’s crazy from behind Katara. He hopes his adrenaline rush lasts for a while. He’s tired of crying. “I don’t know why you’re all so grumpy when it’s a _beautiful_ day to firebend!”

Looking incredibly uncomfortable, Haru leans to Katara, pulling on her arm a bit. He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Wasn’t he crying yesterday?”

“Haru, shh,” Katara responds, stepping into the room and stretching her arms. She moves to Azarin and leans up to press a kiss to his cheek, smiling softly. “It’s a beautiful day to firebend.”

Azarin returns her smile, then turns to Aang. “You ready?”

“Azarin…” Aang yawns mid-sentence, but gets out of bed regardless. “I love that you’re so excited, but can we at least get some breakfast first? I hate training on an empty stomach.”

Azarin rolls his eyes and takes Aang’s wrist, pulling him past everyone, into the hallway, and toward the staircase to their right. “We can practice while Katara and Haru make food. See you guys later!”

_“Excuse me?!”_ Katara exclaims, but Azarin and Aang are already halfway up the stairs.

Once outside and at the top of the cliff where there’s much more open space for bending, Azarin positions Aang across from himself, smiling. “Are you ready?” He lights a test flame in his hand just to make sure his bending still works this far up.

Aang stretches his arms out one last time, then assumes a bending stance. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Good...now sit,” Azarin drops to the ground with his legs crossed beneath him, amused at Aang’s bewildered expression. The Avatar does as he’s told, though, and Azarin continues. “Before you fight with fire, you have to learn how to properly handle it. If you burn Katara again, I’ll cut your hands off.”

“Hey!” Aang starts to defend himself, but draws back and lets out a sigh instead. “That’s fair.”

Azarin nods, lighting another flame in his hand but this time larger. He has to hold it with both of his hands to keep it from spilling out of his grip. “You know when you and Katara push and pull water using your bending? That’s what we’re going to do with this ball of fire. When I can tell you can properly handle the size of the flame, I’ll make it bigger. Deal?”

“Deal,” Aang looks determined, which in turn makes Azarin proud. He’s come a _long_ way from the timid kid in the tunnels that said he couldn’t firebend.

Azarin pushes the ball toward Aang, who pulls it toward himself, then pushes it back to Azarin. He fumbles with his hands a lot, which makes sense considering he’s been learning earthbending; it calls for a lot of hand gestures to properly form the rock into what the bender wants. But this isn’t earthbending.

“Don’t worry about your hands. Firebending has only three simple gestures...the three F’s.” Azarin dissipates the fireball they’re pushing around and demonstrates, closing his hand into a ball. “Fist,” he shoots a stream of fire into the air, then opens his hand to send the next. “Flat,” this time it’s a fireball. “And finally, finger.” He puts the rest of his fingers down save for two, takes in a deep breath, then separates his energy. It comes out in the form of a single stream of lightning, which Azarin sends straight up into the air.

When he looks back to Aang, the kid’s eyes are wide and there’s a huge smile on his face. “Azarin, I had no idea you could bend lightning!” The pride in Aang’s expression feels nice. Azarin likes making his friends proud.

“I’ve studied the method for years. It’s too unpredictable for me to use _all_ the time, especially because it requires the _most_ mental and emotional clarity out of all bending, regardless of element.” He pauses for a moment, shrugging. “In case you haven’t noticed...I’m not the most emotionally stable person, especially not lately.”

“Yeah...you’re a mess.”

Azarin laughs, then goes back to teaching. “So, mighty Avatar, what are the three firebending gestures?”

Aang blinks, extending his hand out then moving it through the gestures. “Fist, flat, finger.”

“Good job!” Smiling, Azarin lights another fireball in his hands, then pushes it to Aang, who handles it a lot less clumsily this time around. They go around once more before Azarin makes the flames bigger, but Aang takes it just fine. They go back and forth like this until the fireball is so big, they can’t see each other around it. Azarin dissipates it, then stands to bow respectfully toward Aang. “You have passed your first firebending lesson, pupil Aang.”

“Thank you, seifu Azarin,” Aang responds with a smile as he bows back. “Are you gonna teach me to fight now?!”

“You’re nowhere near ready to fight with fire,” is Azarin’s immediate answer, but when Aang starts to protest he holds up his hand to silence the Avatar. “This doesn’t mean we’re done for the day, but like you said, training on an empty stomach isn’t good. I’m sure we can head back now and help finish making breakfast...Katara seemed pretty upset earlier, didn’t she?”

As they start walking back toward the stairs, Aang shrugs. “She never stays mad at you for long.” He sounds a little sad, if Azarin is being honest. He thinks he knows why, too.

Azarin stops Aang just before they start descending the cliffside. “Hey, Aang…” He starts, trailing off a little as the Avatar’s eyes look up at him, curious. Azarin sighs. “You did the right thing when you kissed her. She won’t admit it yet, but she likes you, I’m sure of it. I think there’s just so much going on right now that she’s choosing to distract herself with that, rather than face her feelings.”

Aang stares at him for a few moments, sadness prominent in his eyes, then throws his arms around Azarin’s waist in a tight embrace. Azarin returns it happily, and when Aang pulls back, there’s a single tear falling from his cheek that the Avatar wipes away quickly. “Thank you, Azarin. It’s nice to hear reassurance every once in a while, instead of giving it out, myself.”

“Don’t worry about it, Aang,” Azarin says, smiling as he pats Aang on the back. They start walking down the stairs. “She’ll come around eventually...just give her time.”

Nodding, Aang follows, and they have breakfast with everyone then get right back to firebending training. Aang is a natural, of course; being the Avatar has its benefits, but air and fire aren’t that different of elements. One is calm and peaceful, while the other is chaotic and dangerous, but they’re handled in pretty much the same way. Air and fire can be created from nothing, while water and earth need that specific element around to be able to bend. Azarin has a fairly easy time teaching Aang how to handle fire using airbending methods he already knows, and it makes Aang feel like he’s getting better faster than he thought he would. It warms Azarin’s heart to see Aang believing in himself, finally, especially when it comes to learning firebending.

The calm day they have comes to an abrupt and violent end. Combustion Man shows up and destroys multiple parts of the temple trying to attack them, and knowing that it’s Zuko’s fault he’s here makes Azarin even angrier. He wants to fight but he knows this guy is too powerful, and everyone else would probably stop him from trying anyway, seeing as both Aang and Katara have already tried and been unsuccessful.

They’re hiding behind a wall, trying to figure out what to do, when they hear someone up on the ledge where Combustion Man is trying to attack them from. Azarin and Katara peer around the corner and freeze in shock when they see Zuko trying to fight the man off. He’s screaming that he’ll pay anything to get him to stop and if he doesn’t, he’ll kill him. That doesn’t deter the man, who then attacks Zuko himself, sending him flying and Azarin feels like his stomach leaps into his throat. Zuko will fall, and Zuko will die.

Azarin jumps out from behind the wall before anyone can stop him. He bends lightning straight at the guy’s third eye, which thoroughly incapacitated him. Unconscious, the man falls from the ledge to his death.

“Zuko!” Azarin calls out, running to the edge of the terrace with his heart racing, to try and find where Zuko could have fallen, if Zuko could have even survived. “Zuko, you _fucking idiot,_ **_please_** don’t be—” Azarin stops himself from saying it, because Zuko is climbing up onto the terrace below him. Frantic, Azarin pulls him up and without thinking, wraps his arms around the prince. Zuko smells like the woods and incense and comfort and _home,_ and Azarin lets himself get lost in it for a little too long.

“Uh...I thought you hated me?” Zuko says, bringing Azarin back to this reality, the one where Zuko has done nothing but hurt him and break his heart. Azarin lets go of him quickly, trying to stop the flush from overtaking his face as he steps back to his friends. Katara takes his hand and he squeezes it as Zuko steps toward them. “Listen, I know I didn’t explain myself very well yesterday…”

“You should go,” Azarin says, trying to control his breathing. He’s so flustered and in shock and filled with adrenaline that he can’t look at Zuko without wanting to hug him again.

Zuko sighs. _“Please,_ just let me explain myself, I promise I—”

“You’ve had every chance to explain yourself, Zuko. Thank you for trying to help us, but this doesn’t change anything.” Azarin keeps his voice as steady as he can, and he goes to say something else, but Aang steps forward with his eyes on Zuko.

“I think Zuko has earned an audience with us,” the Avatar says, nodding toward the prince. He turns to face the rest of them. “He just risked his life to save us from being blown off the cliffside. The least we can do is listen to what he has to say.”

Azarin doesn’t like this. He doesn’t want to listen to Zuko, because he’ll say all these nice things about changing and being a better person, and he’ll convince everyone else. But Azarin has known Zuko for a very long time, and he knows just how quickly Zuko can change his mind if something else seems like it would serve him better. Azarin doesn’t want to listen, but if Aang does, then he has no other choice.

“I've been through a lot in the past few years, and it's been hard…” Zuko steps forward again as he speaks, taking time with his words. Azarin doesn’t think he’s heard Zuko’s voice ever be this sincere, not even in Ba Sing Se. “But I'm realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honor, and that somehow my father could return it to me...but I know now that no one can give you your honor. It's something you earn for yourself, by choosing to do what's right. All I want now is to play my part in _ending_ this war, and to make up for all the bad things I’ve done to Azarin.” His amber eyes move past Aang to lock on where Azarin stands next to Katara. The smile on the prince’s lips is soft, but sad. He looks back to Aang. “I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world.”

Zuko bows in the most formal way to Aang, and even though he has a shocked look on his face, Aang bows to him in return. “I want you to stay with us, Zuko. You helped us today, even despite how we treated you yesterday, and if you’ve truly learned from all of your past mistakes, then...you shouldn’t be sleeping in the woods.”

Azarin wants to protest this. He wants to scream at Aang and ask what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but Katara does it for him. “Aang, you can’t be serious! Do you know how much pain that would cause Azarin? The anger he’d have? What are you even thinking?!”

“I’m thinking that Azarin has much better control over himself than he used to if he went to see Zuko last night alone, and I’m thinking that he can’t just avoid Zuko forever.” Aang moves his eyes from Katara, to Azarin, who’s trying his best not to explode. “If there’s anything you’ve taught me, it’s that I shouldn’t run from my problems, and Toph has taught me that I need to face them head on if I want to ever solve them. You can’t run from Zuko forever, and him being here with us, in a safe environment where everything isn’t so chaotic...it’s the best setting for you to work out your issues with each other. I don’t mind him being around if he’s truly changed, and maybe you can be friends again if you try to talk to each other.”

Before Azarin can even think of anything to respond with, Zuko’s face lights up and he steps forward. “Thank you, Aang! I’m so happy you’ve accepted me into--”

“Not so fast,” Aang turns and cuts Zuko off, a stern tone to his voice now. “It has to be okay with _everyone_ before you can join us.” He looks to Toph, who shrugs.

“I think you’ve got a point, twinkle toes. Even if it’ll be painful for them, I think these two meatheads need to work out their issues.”

Aang smiles, then turns toward Sokka. “What do you think, Sokka?”

With a hand on his chin, Sokka waves nonchalantly. “All I want is to defeat the Fire Lord. If Zuko can help with that, then I’m all for it. But if he upsets Azarin even _once,_ I’m chopping his head off.” Azarin had really expected Sokka to be completely anti-Zuko and he’s wondering how they can all be agreeing with this. Just yesterday, they were telling him that they won’t let Zuko hurt him anymore...Zuko risks his life for them _one time_ and they’re all suddenly accepting him into the group?

“Katara…?” Aang asks, expectant tone to his voice, and Azarin knows that this will be the end of this charade. There’s no way that Katara of all people will let Zuko be around him, not after everything she’s seen him go through.

Katara sighs, and lets go of Azarin’s hand. She leans up to kiss his cheek, with tears in her eyes. “I know you’re not going to like this, but...I think Aang is right. I think it will be good for you to face things instead of bottling them up all the time. If you don’t want him to hurt you anymore, then you have to start taking back that power from him.” She places a hand on his cheek but the pain in Azarin’s chest makes him pull his head away. How could she do this?

“Azarin?” Aang’s eyes go to him, pleading. Azarin doesn’t want to disappoint Aang, because he knows the Avatar has a very different view of the pain Azarin feels than he does. But Azarin just can’t...he can’t see Zuko _every single day_ and be reminded of all that pain all over again. It’s too much, and he’s starting to get pissed off that everyone suddenly can’t see that.

His eyes move between Aang and Zuko. He takes in a deep breath, then shakes his head. “No.”

“But Azarin—” Aang starts, and Azarin holds up his hand to stop him.

“Look, you said it had to be a complete consensus if he’s gonna stay with us,” Azarin doesn’t dare look at Zuko again. He keeps his eyes on Aang. “I said no. _You_ guys might be okay with it for some ridiculous reason, but I’m not.”

“Is this because I tried to kiss you? Azarin, I’m—” Zuko starts to apologize, but Azarin swiftly turns and slashes fire in his direction. Zuko backs up.

Katara, eyes wide for a moment before narrowing them between the two, steps forward. “You _what?”_

Azarin doesn’t want to talk about it, but apparently Zuko just ruins absolutely _everything_ for him lately. “He tried to kiss me...so what? I still don’t want him around.”

“Oh no, I agree,” Katara responds. She crosses her arms over her chest, her glare directed toward solely Zuko now. “I retract my welcome. Maybe you should learn to keep your mouth to yourself.”

Before Azarin has the chance to respond, both he and Katara are turned around by Toph bending the rock underneath them. “Both of you are being stupid!” She exclaims, finger pointing at them. “Even if he hasn't earned our trust yet, we aren’t even giving him a chance to! We can at the very least let him have one of the _many_ beds in the temple so he doesn’t have to sleep on the ground and scavenge for food!”

Azarin scoffs. “He has a tarp.”

Toph makes a frustrated sound and forces Azarin forward, bending a stone pillar into the back of his head so he leans down to face her. She grabs a fist full of his shirt. “You’re letting your emotions control your common sense, fire feet. You _know_ you don’t want Zuko sleeping on the damn ground and starving to death just so you can have him close enough to teach Aang firebending, and you know you can’t run from your issues with him forever, so just stop being an idiot, okay?!”

Even though she can’t see, Azarin swears he can _feel_ Toph’s eyes staring into him. He knows, deep down, that she’s right. He had just killed a man because that man almost killed Zuko...there has to be something there, and if literally all of his friends, even Katara, think that he needs to face this problem head on, then maybe he should listen. He doesn’t let any of them know this, though, just pulls himself back and stands straight again. His eyes go to Zuko, finally. “Fine. You can stay. But if you come anywhere near me, you’re _going_ to regret it.” He turns and starts to walk into the temple, but Zuko’s voice makes him pause.

“Azarin, _please—”_

Again, Azarin pivots on his heel and points two fingers at Zuko, separating his emotions from his bending the best he can so he can create lightning. Once he does, he directs it to the cliffside behind Zuko; the prince’s hair is singed from how close it comes to striking him. Azarin moves as close to Zuko as he can get before he speaks, anger and rage pulsing through his every vein. “Next time, I _promise_ you I won’t miss.”

“Y-You can bend lightning?” Zuko’s voice is weak. Azarin sees him gulp back his fear. “I was wondering where that lightning came from this morning…”

“Why don’t you ask your assassin, since he got it straight in the head.” Azarin’s eyes move over Zuko’s face for just a moment more before he turns to walk away again. “Stay the hell away from me.”

Azarin spends the rest of the day in his bed. He tries not to think about what he’s going to do when he’s forced to be around Zuko, but he’s hoping the rest of them will ignore the prince’s presence even if he’s _in the group._ He doesn’t have to enjoy his time, he’s just there. He’s just another person. Azarin doesn’t _have_ to interact with him. He doesn’t think he has it in him to interact with Zuko much more than he already has in the last few days.

Sokka comes to invite Azarin to lunch with everyone, but Azarin doesn’t want to. He argues with Sokka for a bit and they end up talking about their...arrangement. Sokka apparently doesn’t want to be used as a tool to make Zuko jealous, and Azarin doesn’t even care if Zuko is jealous or not, so they at least come to an agreement. Sokka apologizes if everyone else’s decision hurt him, but Azarin doesn’t want apologies. He wants Zuko gone.

By evening, Azarin’s stomach is turning within itself, so he pulls himself out of bed and onto the terrace where everyone is sitting around a fire, already eating. He looks over at them for a moment, trying to decide where to sit, when Katara pats the ground next to her and smiles sweetly at him. Sokka is on the other side of Azarin, which builds a pretty solid buffer for him and Zuko, who’s across the fire from him. Sighing, Azarin gathers some rice and broth in a bowl, and sits down.

“Did you have a nice nap, Azarin?” Aang questions, to which Azarin shrugs.

“I didn’t sleep,” he says, stirring his food so it cools faster. “I just wanted to be alone for a while. Thanks, to everybody, for leaving me alone I guess.”

Katara leans her head on his shoulder, but it’s Sokka that responds. “I don’t think any of us would have come out of there alive if we didn’t...Katara threatened to drown us all if we bothered you too much.”

Smiling, Azarin kisses the top of Katara’s head. “She’s just really protective.” Even if he’s upset with her decision to let Zuko stay with them, he knows she only did it because she thinks it’s what’s best for Azarin. He doesn’t have to agree with her, but he isn’t going to let it tear them apart. Azarin needs her far too much to stay mad at her for just trying to look out for his mental and emotional well being.

“So, Aang,” the sound of Zuko’s voice brings Azarin out of his thoughts. He snaps his head up and narrows his eyes at the prince as he addresses the Avatar. “How’s...uh...firebending going? I, uh...I know Azarin is a really good teacher.” Zuko sounds incredibly awkward but it brings a smile to Azarin’s lips; he hopes Zuko _stays_ uncomfortable.

“Flattery will get you absolutely _nowhere,_ dickhead,” Azarin says, not looking at Zuko as he slurps broth from his spoon. He can hear Sokka and Toph choke back laughter.

Aang, always the peacekeeper, clears his throat. “It’s going great! You’re right, Azarin _is_ a really good teacher. Watch this!” Putting down his food and utensils, Aang builds a fireball between his hands and shoots it toward the ceiling, everyone watching as it dissipates. Aang looks back down to Zuko, grinning wide. “He’s using methods I already know to teach me how to handle fire the right way. That was an airbending trick he modified to use with fire!”

“Azarin is really smart,” Zuko says. Azarin can feel the other’s eyes on him, but he keeps his head down. He refuses to give Zuko the satisfaction of even looking at him.

“Azarin is _very_ smart, smart enough to stay the hell away from _you.”_ Sokka is pointing his spoon toward Zuko, and Azarin can feel Katara giggling from where she’s resting on his shoulder. He smiles a little to himself, too. The fact that Katara and Sokka are at least _sort of_ on the same page as him when it comes to Zuko makes him extremely happy. It makes him feel like he isn’t alone, like he has a right to be upset and angry. He knows he does, but a little reassurance never hurts.

After everyone is finished eating, Haru and Teo start questioning Zuko about what it’s like being a prince, and Azarin isn’t going to stick around to listen to it. He goes back to his room to read some of the monks’ books he’d collected from the library, and he’s glad that everyone leaves him alone again. He doesn’t want to be bothered, even by people he _is_ on good terms with. He’s four chapters into a book about meditation when there’s a knock on his open door; he expects it to be Katara or Sokka, but it’s not.

“Hey...can we, uh...can we talk?” Zuko’s timid voice comes from the doorway and Azarin sits up immediately, flames spilling from his hand toward the prince. They don’t come anywhere close to burning him, but the warning is there.

“Get the fuck out of my room,” Azarin says. He can feel his blood begin to boil the more he stares at Zuko. “I told you not to come anywhere near me.”

Zuko looks a little shocked, but stays where he is. “I know...I’m sorry...I just _really_ want to talk to you...I have so much to say, Azarin, I—”

“I don’t care what you have to say. I told you to stay the hell away from me and I meant it. Nothing you say is going to change that, nothing you say is going to change the past, nothing you say is going to make me want to be around you, and nothing you say can erase what you’ve done.” Azarin keeps his tone level, even though his heart feels like it’s going to either drop into nonexistence or explode from his body.

“I…” Zuko starts, trailing off before finding the words he wants, his voice weak. “I’ve changed. I _promise_ I’ve changed, Azarin...please give me the chance to prove that to you…”

Azarin stands from his bed and gets directly in Zuko’s face yet again, smoke pouring from his nostrils. “I _gave_ you chances, Zuko. You used them all and threw them back in my face. You’re not getting any more from me. I don’t care if you’ve changed, you’ve done nothing but hurt me and I’m not giving you the chance to do that again. I’m not fucking stupid. Now get _out_ of my room before I give you a burn to match my own.”

They stand like this for a fraction of a second longer before Sokka is strolling down the hallway to his room, his attention immediately going to them. “Uh, Zuko? I don’t think that’s a great idea…” He walks to them and pushes them apart, standing between them. “You should go to your r—” Before Sokka can finish, Azarin pulls him by his neck and kisses him hard. Sokka melts into it at first, probably out of habit, but pushes away after he registers the gasp that comes from Zuko at the sight of it. “Really? Right in front of _him?_ Are you insane?!” His voice is high pitched, which makes Azarin laugh a little.

“Nope, just trying to get rid of a pest,” his eyes move to Zuko as he speaks. The prince has tears in his eyes and a pang of guilt washes over Azarin for the smallest of moments before Zuko runs off in the direction of his room. Azarin turns back to Sokka. “See? It worked.”

Sokka playfully shoves him. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mean. Stop it. I shouldn’t be getting horny at the expense of someone else’s sanity.” Shaking his head a little, Sokka pokes a finger into Azarin’s chest, looking up at him with a serious glint in his eye. “I told you I’m not a tool to make Zuko jealous. If you wanna kiss me, then kiss me, but don’t do it just to fuck with him. ‘Kay?”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say, Sokka.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


If Zuko had known that doing the right thing would be this painful, he probably would have stayed in the woods. Trying to get Azarin to even just _talk_ to him is an impossible task, so how the hell is he supposed to get Azarin to love him again? He doesn’t know how, but he has to try. He has to keep trying, because he knows he’s supposed to be with Azarin...he knows they’re supposed to be together. Zuko will keep trying until it becomes too unbearable to continue.

While he’s curled in his bed trying to cry himself to sleep after seeing Azarin kiss Sokka, he feels someone watching him. He wipes his face free of tears and sits up, finding Katara leaning against the door frame with her head down.

“Is everything okay?” He asks, stupidly, because no everything is not okay. She probably hates him and is only tolerating his presence because it’ll hopefully help Azarin. When Azarin continues to reject him, they’ll all turn on him again and probably force him to leave, and that’s when Zuko will disappear.

She slowly steps into the room and lifts her head to look at him. The pure loathing in her eyes is unnerving, but Zuko stands to face her. “You might have everyone else here convinced of your _transformation,_ but you and I both know you’ve struggled with doing the right thing in the past.”

Zuko swallows nervously. “Katara, I _swear_ I--”

“Shut up,” she cuts him off, aggressively. He doesn’t speak again. “Let me tell you something right now. If you make _one_ step backward, _one_ slip-up, give me _one_ reason to think you might hurt Azarin again, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore, because I'll make sure your destiny ends right then and there... _permanently.”_ Her gaze never falters from his and Zuko thinks he’s going to actually pass out from how terrified he is. “It’s _very_ important that you remember the only reason you’re here is so Azarin can get over the pain you’ve caused him. You’re not his best friend anymore, _I am._ And I will do whatever it takes to protect him. Got it?”

Too scared to speak, Zuko only nods in response. Katara glares at him for a few seconds longer before she turns and swiftly exits the room, slamming the door shut behind her. Zuko gets back into bed and he can’t even cry anymore. He just lies there, trying to think about anything he could do to hurt Azarin again. He doesn’t think he’s going to do anything like that, but he needs to think harder, because Katara will end his life if he slips up even once.

Even so...perhaps he deserves death for everything he’s done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "it's a beautiful day to firebend" came directly from grey's anatomy, because azarin reminds me a lot of derek shepherd. it's a beautiful day to save lives :')


	44. left out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: heal - ellie goulding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three chapter thirteen: the firebending masters
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

The next day, just when Azarin is beginning Aang’s firebending lesson, he tries to warm up with some bending stances and discovers that he can’t bend. He tries, over and over, because he knows for a fact that Zuko is in his room just down the hall from the terrace where he and Aang are.

“Uh, Azarin…? Is everything okay?” Aang asks, carefully. Azarin knows he’s scared that he’s angry with him for his decision to let Zuko stay, but Azarin is trying to not let that interfere with Aang’s firebending. Sure, he’s a little upset with everyone, but he’s trying his best to not be angry. He doesn’t want to be that person anymore.

Making a frustrated sound, Azarin storms past Aang and down the temple corridor. He throws open Zuko’s door and finds the prince sitting in his bed, reading a book. He looks a little shocked to see him, and looks like he goes to say something, but Azarin grabs him by the shirt and pulls him to his feet. “How are you blocking my bending?”

“Huh?” Zuko looks confused, and scared. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Azarin…”

“I’m trying to teach Aang and  _ I can’t bend,  _ idiot,” Azarin says this from behind clenched teeth. He shoves Zuko back down onto his bed, then steps back with his arms crossed over his chest. “I know you have to be doing something to stop me. You wanted to teach him, right? If my bending doesn’t work then you  _ have _ to.”

Zuko shakes his head, eyes wide and apologetic. “Rin, I swear—”

“I told you not to call me that anymore,” Azarin interrupts. Zuko nods, then continues.

“I’m sorry, Azarin. I swear I’m not doing anything to block your bending...even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t know how. Can’t you draw from Aang?”

Azarin shifts on his feet a little. Now that his anger is dissipating, he realizes that he doesn’t like being around Zuko, alone. “He’s a natural born airbender. Even if he has the ability to bend fire because he’s the Avatar, that doesn’t make him a natural born firebender, and my bending doesn’t work around him. Why do you think we need  _ you _ around, stupid?”

Zuko nods, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah…I didn’t think of that…” There’s a small silence between them, and Azarin is waiting for Zuko to say something to explain what’s going on, but he just sits there, awkwardly. Azarin sighs.

“Come with me, jerkface,” he says this as he grips Zuko’s shirt, dragging him out of the room and back out to the terrace. He shoves Zuko toward an anxious looking Aang. “Sit over there and stay quiet. Maybe you were too far away.” Zuko does as Azarin says without even an inkling of a protest, which makes Azarin smile a little. He likes ordering Zuko around, it’s a nice change of pace from the last four years where Zuko had been barking orders at Azarin every chance he got.

Again, Azarin tries to bend, but nothing happens. He shouts in frustration and directs his glare to Aang, who seems extremely scared. “He’s  _ right there, _ why isn’t my bending working?!”

“Maybe it doesn’t have to do with you,” Aang responds, eyes darting around to avoid contact with Azarin’s stare. “Maybe it’s him.”

“I’m not doing anything, I swear!” Zuko defends himself with his hands out, shaking his head frantically. “I’ve just been in my room all day! You  _ have _ to believe me, I wouldn’t try to take Azarin’s bending...I’d  _ never _ do that.”

Azarin thinks for a few moments. If he can’t draw from Zuko, and Zuko isn’t actively trying to block Azarin from drawing from him, then why can’t he bend? It’s not like Zuko could ever lose his bending...or could he?

“Try to bend,” Azarin says, and Aang shoots a small stream of fire from his fist. Azarin sighs, giving him a pointed look. “Not  _ you, _ Aang. Zuko, use your bending.”

Nodding, Zuko stands and punches his fist out, but only a small plume of smoke emits from his hand. They all stare in shock as Zuko tries again and again, but only the smallest spark of a flame comes from him. When he’s too upset to continue, he drops to his knees and grips his head. His voice sounds...broken, when he speaks. “I...I lost my bending? I’m so sorry, guys, I don’t know what’s happening and the only reason you want me around is so Azarin can bend and I just...I’m useless now…”

Azarin scoffs. “Yeah, you kinda are, huh.” To his surprise, there’s the smallest fireball in front of him to get his attention. Aang is glaring at him. “What?”

“You don’t have to be so mean to him, Azarin,” Aang says, voice hard and serious. “He clearly has a lot happening and it’s affecting his bending ability.” The Avatar moves to Zuko and leans down to him, placing a hand on the prince’s shoulder. “Is there anything you can do that you know of? Has anyone you’ve known ever gone through this?”

Zuko looks up at Aang, shaking his head. “I have no idea…”

Rolling his eyes, Azarin starts walking into the temple toward the bedrooms. “Well, you better figure it out,  _ prince of the Fire Nation.” _

That night around the fire, after everyone is finished eating, Zuko tries to explain what he’s figured out, but it isn’t much. He says he thinks his bending has gotten weaker because he switched sides, and he isn’t angry all the time anymore. Sokka uses it as an excuse to poke and prod at the prince with his sword to try and make him mad, and it does the trick, but there’s no big explosion of fire like Azarin is expecting. Still, it’s amusing to watch Zuko get irritated.

Zuko goes on to explain that he doesn’t want to draw his bending from rage anymore, and Toph suggests that he tries to use the original source of firebending, like she did when the badgermoles taught her earthbending. This is when Azarin finally speaks up.

“That’s gonna be a little difficult for him to do, considering dragons were the original firebenders,” Azarin takes a sip of his water before continuing. “Now they’re extinct because Zuko’s family started the tradition of hunting them for sport.”

Zuko looks away from everyone, hair blocking the scarred half of his face. “My family is the reason for every single one of the world’s problems.”

“Pretty much,” Katara adds, nodding, and Azarin has to suppress a laugh.

Ignoring Katara’s comment, Zuko picks up a pebble and throws it into the fire. “There might be another way, though, even without the dragons. Remember learning about the ancient Sun Warriors, Azarin?” The prince looks up at Azarin, whose eyes widen in realization.

“Yeah...you might be right,” he says, sitting up a little more and eyes moving to Aang, who’s looking at him curiously. “The Sun Warriors were the very first people to learn firebending from the dragons. They died off thousands of years ago, but if I remember my geography correctly…”

“Their civilization isn’t far from here. It’s at the most northern tip of the Fire Nation.” Zuko finishes Azarin’s thought perfectly, and Azarin tries not to think about how it feels like a few years ago when they were having conversations about where to look for the Avatar next. “Maybe we can learn something by poking around their ruins.”

Aang nods, a soft smile on his face. “It’s like the monks used to tell me...sometimes the shadows of the past can be felt by the present.”

“So, what?” Sokka interjects, waving his hands around dramatically, as always. “Maybe you’ll pick up some super old Sun Warrior energy just by standing where they stood a thousand years ago?”

Zuko shrugs, pulling his legs underneath him and resting his chin on his knees. “More or less. I have to find a new way to firebend so Azarin can draw from me, or Aang has to find a new teacher.”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “Why are you so dramatic? You, specifically, aren’t  _ essential _ to me teaching Aang firebending. We can fly back into the Fire Nation if we need to, and--”

“That’s too dangerous,” Aang cuts him off with a shake of his head. The Avatar stands and moves around the group to stand behind Zuko, placing a hand on the prince’s shoulder again. “I want to go to the ruins with Zuko, and I want us to go alone.”

At this, Azarin’s eyes go wide and he stands, too, despite Katara trying to pull him back to his seat next to her. “What? I’m the one teaching you firebending, Aang, I should be going with you!”

“Yeah, I, uh, I don’t want to disagree with you, Aang, but…” Zuko sounds anxious, like he’s trying to keep the peace. “Azarin  _ is _ the one teaching you, and even if I’m the one that needs the help, he should at least be there to learn more about firebending. He loves learning about history.” Azarin tries to ignore the way Zuko actually remembers something about him, something that he enjoys doing, because if he acknowledges it then that means Zuko is actually being a good person. Azarin can’t acknowledge that...not yet.

Even still, Aang stands strong behind his decision. “I’m going with Zuko, and  _ only _ Zuko. Your bending was completely fine until Zuko’s gave out, Azarin. What you draw from isn’t an issue, so you going with us would only put me in a third wheel position between your anger at Zuko and him trying to keep you from murdering him. I want this to be a pleasant trip where Zuko can learn about his firebending and not be nervous around you the whole time.” With that, Aang bows toward Azarin across the fire. “You’re still my teacher, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope you can understand.”

Azarin absolutely  _ hates _ how Aang is right, literally all the time. It reminds him of how Iroh is always right, but in a much more direct and annoying way. He can feel everyone’s eyes on him as he stares between Zuko and Aang, and eventually he just ends up sighing and sitting back down. “Fine. But if he fucks with you, I’ll break his hands.”

“What is it with you and hurting people’s hands as corporal punishment?” Aang questions. Everyone laughs.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


If he’s being honest, Zuko doesn’t think he has ever been as nervous as he is riding on the back of the air bison alone with Aang. They’ve been riding for hours in complete silence, and after last night’s argument with Azarin, Zuko is left wondering why the Avatar is so insistent on being nice to him. Aang has defended him more than once in just the last day alone, and while Zuko is grateful for it, he can’t help thinking that he doesn’t deserve the kindness.

“Hey, Aang…” Zuko decides to just go for it and ask, because it’s just them, right? No one else is there to judge him or berate him for asking questions. “Why have you been so nice to me?”

The Avatar looks over his shoulder from where he’s sitting on Appa’s neck. “What do you mean?”

Zuko moves closer to him in the saddle, trying to find the words. “Everyone else has been rude to me, or mean to me, or made fun of me. I’m not complaining...I definitely deserve it. But you’ve been so accepting of me and even defended me to Azarin. You’re the only reason I’m here, you’re the only reason that I’m getting the chance to prove to him that I…” Zuko shuts his eyes tightly to prevent tears from forming in his eyes. “I guess I just expected you to be just as rude to me as Azarin is. You have every right to be...I hunted you for so long and tried to kill you.”

Aang actually smiles at him, and Zuko has no idea why. The little monk seems crazy sometimes, but also wise beyond his years; far wiser than Zuko, for sure. “You were right, before, when you said I know you have good in you. I’ve known for a long time, but everything got so complicated and you kept making the wrong decisions.” He pauses and Zuko wonders where he’s going with this. “You have to have good in you for Azarin to love you so much that it hurts him so badly when you aren’t living up to your potential, to what he sees in you. When he told us he was in love with you, I knew you were good, then. He wouldn’t waste half his life loving you if you weren’t worth it in the end.”

Zuko turns away from Aang to hide the tears that spill from his eyes and get carried away with the wind. “He doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve hurt him too much and he said he can’t trust me. How can he love me and treat me the way he is?”

“He’s just hurt, Zuko,” Aang reassures. His voice is soft, so soft that Zuko doesn’t think he deserves it, either. He deserves to be yelled at and berated for all the pain he’s caused. “Yeah, you’ve hurt him and he can’t trust you right now, but he never said he isn’t in love with you anymore. Do you  _ really _ think he would be taking out his anger on you so much if he didn’t still care?” Honestly, Zuko doesn’t have a response. He wipes the tears from his face and lets Aang continue. “Trust can always be earned back and built up again, and love is something that may fade, but it never goes away completely. You just have to remind him why he loved you to begin with.”

“But what if I can’t?” Zuko is so scared that all the hurt and all the pain he’s caused Azarin is going to cloud over any semblance of the love and care he once had for Zuko. He’s terrified that the choices he’s made are irreversible, that the damage he’s caused can’t be undone. “What if he never loves me like he used to?”

Aang visibly takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as they begin to descend over the Sun Warrior ruins. When they land, the Avatar helps Zuko down off Appa’s back and smiles up at him. “You can, and he does. Why do you think he had a freakout when Combustion Man knocked you off that ledge? He  _ killed _ someone because he thought they had hurt you, Zuko. That has to count for something.”

Aang turns to start walking into the ruins, and Zuko has to stay behind the Avatar to hide the smile on his face.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin starts to get worried that Aang and Zuko were captured by the Fire Nation, or killed by someone, or any other number of ridiculous scenarios that show up in his head over the next two days. Katara reassures him that they can both handle themselves extremely well, but it doesn’t exactly ease his mind much considering they’re the two most wanted people in the Fire Nation’s eyes at the moment. Azarin is a few hours shy of a nervous wreck if they don’t show up soon.

“Listen, I wouldn’t bother you while you’re sulking and worrying, but Katara threatened me with death if I didn’t bring you some breakfast,” Sokka is defending himself the moment he walks into Azarin’s room, but all Azarin does in response is laugh.

“Thanks, Sokka,” he says, smiling as he takes the bowl of rice and cup of water from the other boy. “No sign of them yet?”

Sokka shakes his head, letting out a sigh as he sits on the bed next to Azarin. “Not yet. Katara thinks they may be another day, but who knows. None of us have ever exactly been on a  _ discovering firebending _ journey before.” Sokka watches him eat for a few moments. It would make Azarin uncomfortable, except that Sokka can be extremely strange sometimes and he’s honestly gotten used to it.

“Am I just  _ so _ attractive that you can’t take your eyes off me, hm?” Azarin smirks, and Sokka shoves him a little in the shoulder, but doesn’t say anything. It’s odd for him not to flirt back, but maybe he’s just tired. “You okay, Sokka?”

“I’m...I don’t know.” Shrugging, Sokka runs a hand through his lengthening hair. “I’ve been thinking. A lot. About you and Zuko.”

Azarin can’t help but roll his eyes. “Listen, twerp, there is  _ no way _ that I’m gonna end up with Zuko. Are you seriously jealous?” It wouldn’t surprise him if Sokka were a little jealous, but there’s nothing to even be jealous of, unless Sokka wants Azarin to constantly yell at him or ignore his existence.

“Sadly, I’m not a masochist, no,” Sokka responds with the smallest hint of a smirk. It fades quickly when he turns to face Azarin, and his voice gets a little lower and more serious. “I want you to talk to him. We  _ all _ want you to talk to him, to work out whatever issues you two have with each other. That was the whole reason we let him stay, and while seeing you treat him like trash is  _ extremely _ entertaining...it isn’t why he’s here. Like Aang said, you can’t run from your issues with Zuko forever. The sooner you talk things out with him, the less angry you’ll be and the less hurt you’ll be.”

Azarin knew this blissful blanket of anger couldn’t last forever. He wanted to ride it out a little longer, to make Zuko feel like shit for the things he’s done, but if he’s being completely honest, he doesn’t think he has it in him to do it forever. Treating someone like that constantly isn’t who Azarin is, and he doesn’t want to become that, even if Zuko has hurt him more than anything or anyone else in his life has. Katara was right when she said he needed to take back the power Zuko has to hurt him. If Azarin doesn’t  _ let _ Zuko’s presence affect him, then Zuko can’t hurt him anymore.

As he finishes his food, Azarin drops back onto his bed dramatically, letting out a long breath. “As much as I hate saying it, I think you’re right.”

Sokka smiles, leaning down to press his lips to Azarin’s forehead. “I’m always right, hot stuff.” He takes Azarin’s dishes from him and exits the room after that, leaving Azarin to think over how the hell he’s going to have an actual conversation with Zuko without getting so pissed off that he hurts him again.

It’s barely an hour later that Aang and Zuko come back, and they showcase their new firebending skills while telling everyone about how there’s actually still dragons left and that’s how they learned everything. Azarin thinks both of them are cute for how excited they are about telling everyone what happened.

When everyone starts to disperse to different parts of the temple, Azarin follows Zuko to his room, which makes the prince look at him strangely as he puts away his swords underneath the bed. “Do you, uh...do you need something?” Zuko sounds scared, and Azarin is starting to feel extremely guilty for forcing him to constantly be walking on eggshells around him.

“Yeah, actually…” Azarin starts. He tries to smile, but it comes off weak. “I want to talk to you.”

Zuko blinks, like he isn’t sure he’s seeing or hearing this clearly. “You... _ want _ ...to talk to me?”

The fact that Zuko sounds so shocked makes Azarin actually feel bad. He knows he doesn’t have to be  _ completely _ okay with Zuko, he knows no one expects that from him, but he also doesn’t have to actively make his time here a living hell. “Look...I’ve been thinking about what everyone said, about how I can’t run from my problems with you. They’re right. If I want to stop being hurt by the things you’ve done, then I have to face you and I have to listen to you.”

“Azarin, this is so great, I have so many things to say, I--” The way Zuko’s face lights up makes his heart ache, but Azarin holds up a hand to stop him.

“This doesn’t mean I want to be with you, Zuko. I want that to be clear.” Azarin tries to convey with his eyes just how serious he is about this, and when Zuko nods, he continues. “We’re just two people who have been through a hell of a lot together, talking out our issues. Okay?”

“I understand,” Zuko says, even though his expression visibly falls. “Where do we start?”


	45. conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: talk - khalid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of violence
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin smirks.

“Well, it all started when my father murdered my mother…” He lets out a dramatic sigh as he sits on the bed. Zuko actually laughs, even if it’s small, and sits next to him.

“I don’t think we should start  _ that _ far back,” the prince says. He moves a little farther away from Azarin, eyes on the floor. “Is it okay if I sit next to you?”

Azarin looks over at Zuko. He can’t recall a single time in the past where Zuko has been this considerate of how Azarin feels, other than when he was healing from his father torturing him. But that was physical, and noticeable...right now, Zuko is taking into account that Azarin might not want to be this close to him. He doesn’t know what to think of it.

“Actually…” Azarin trails off, shaking his head as he stands up. “I don’t wanna be in this room while we talk. There’s something suffocating about it. Let’s go.” He turns and Zuko follows, quietly.

On the way out of the temple, they pass Katara and Aang practicing waterbending on the terrace. Katara drops the water in her grip when she sees them. “Uhm, where are  _ you two _ going?”

Azarin stops, which makes Zuko walk directly into his back from how closely he’d been following. Azarin pushes him back, addressing Katara. “We’re going for a walk, and I don’t want  _ anyone _ following us or eavesdropping, got it?”

“You got it, seifu Azarin!” Aang stands straight with a wide smile across his face, making Azarin roll his eyes.

Katara moves to them and Azarin expects her to hug him, but she stands in front of Zuko, finger poking into his chest harshly. “If he comes back hurt or crying, I will personally see to it that you lose sleep over wondering what I’m going to do to you.” Zuko is stiff, but he nods. Katara’s grimace immediately turns into a smile as she turns to Azarin. “Have fun, you two!”

“I’m so glad I have the scariest waterbender alive protecting me,” Azarin says, then leans down to kiss Katara on top of her head. She gives a roll of her eyes and pushes both of them toward the bridge connecting the temple to the forest.

They walk side by side for a little while and Azarin starts to regret the decision to go for a walk, because he could have just started talking while they were in Zuko’s room. Now, there’s pressure on who’s going to start the conversation and he doesn’t even know what he would start with, or what he even wants to say. Maybe he should just let Zuko talk.

“You said you had a lot to say...why don’t we start with that?” Azarin tries to smile at Zuko, who looks like his anxiousness is going to eat him alive.

“Yeah…” Zuko sighs, hands clenching in and out of fists by his sides. “I guess...I guess I should start by apologizing, and telling you how sorry I am.”

Azarin nods. It’s a good start. “What are you sorry  _ for, _ exactly?”

Zuko stops. He looks up at Azarin with so much pain in his eyes that it’s hard to hold his gaze, but Azarin tries his best. “Everything. I’m sorry for literally everything I have ever done that’s hurt you, Azarin.” He takes in a shaky breath before he continues. “The last few months, after Ba Sing Se, I’ve had time to think about every interaction we’ve had and how painful it must have been for you to be in love with me this whole time, wanting the best for me and wanting me to make the right decisions. You watched the person you loved disintegrate into a monster...I can’t even imagine how painful that must have been.”

The sincerity in Zuko’s voice is shocking. Azarin clears his throat and starts walking again to distract himself from what he’s already beginning to feel, deep inside his chest. “You’re right, it was extremely painful to watch you start turning into your father. Not just because I was in love with you, but you were my best friend, Zuko. I didn’t want to see you trying to be something and someone you’re not, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. You wouldn’t listen.”

“I’m so sorry,” Zuko responds immediately. His voice is quieter and sounds a little more guilty, but still genuine. “I should have listened to you and uncle a long time ago. You’re the only people in my life that have ever been honest with me, even when I refuse to listen. I took both of you for granted, and I let both of you down.”

This sticks with Azarin more than he wants to admit. Zuko is being so sincere with not only Azarin, but himself. A year ago, Zuko would never admit that he let anyone down, because he wouldn’t have cared. All he cared about was himself and his honor. Now, Zuko is taking the time to apologize to Azarin for being that way and for hurting him...it feels nice, even if it’s shocking and unexpected.

“Iroh would be proud of you, now,” Azarin says, smiling wide. Zuko’s eyes glisten with hope and the sight of it almost shatter’s Azarin’s heart all over again.

“Do you really think so?”

Azarin nods, taking his eyes away from Zuko to stare at the grass and plants beneath his feet as they walk. “He would. I’m sorry you were too late to save him. I’m sure he’s somewhere safe, drinking tea and playing Pai Sho with his friends.”

He hears Zuko sniff, and just barely sees the prince wipe his face. “I hope so.”

They're silent for a bit again. Azarin doesn’t want to think about how he hasn’t seen or spoken to Iroh since Ba Sing Se, because thinking about it means he has to come to terms with how he feels. He still hasn’t fully processed the realization that Iroh wasn’t the best to him, either, because he doesn’t want to be upset with the man. Azarin knows Iroh was just trying to do what was best for his family, and he knows that Iroh loves him in his own way. He just wishes that he could have gotten at least somewhat of equal treatment from him, considering the trauma he’d been through that Iroh knew about. Maybe one day, they can have a talk like this, too.

“I need to apologize about Mai, too.” Zuko’s voice brings Azarin back, but he doesn’t say anything as Zuko continues. “I’m sorry you had to see me with her. I never wanted that. I was confused, and she distracted me from the turmoil inside me and made me feel better for a short while. She even helped me come to terms with myself after I cheated on her with a boy.”

Azarin is the one to stop walking this time. He pulls Zuko by his shoulder to face him. “You  _ what? _ What boy? How?” He doesn’t know how to describe the feeling burning inside him. He doesn’t want to admit what it really is.

“Uh…” Zuko blinks up at him, stepping away from Azarin until his back hits a tree. “It was just a boy at a party we went to on Ember Island...like I said, I was really confused and I was trying to figure out what I wanted…”

Azarin sighs, nodding. He doesn’t know why he literally just backed Zuko into a corner, but he’s hoping he won’t do it again. “Sorry...I don’t exactly have any kind of right to be upset with you over that when I’ve been making out with Sokka constantly ever since Ba Sing Se.” Azarin expects Zuko to be upset at this, but surprisingly he just shrugs.

“Sokka’s cute,” the prince says, with a weak smile on his lips as they begin walking again. “I’m just shocked he even likes boys…”

“We kinda drank cactus juice in the middle of the desert and kissed on accident,” Azarin knows without context that this won’t make any sense, but maybe one day he’ll tell Zuko the whole story. “Oh, and he thinks you’re hot, too.”

Zuko stares ahead of him for a moment. “I guess that’s a compliment?”

“Considering he hates you but is still attracted to you, yeah. It’s a pretty big compliment.” Azarin actually smiles and nudges Zuko with his elbow. “So, uh...Mai. You were talking about Mai.”

“Right,” Zuko says this as his cheeks return to their normal color after being pink from blushing. “Being with her helped me not be so confused, after a while. She was so accepting and caring...even if she only supported me doing things with boys to keep my mind off of you, it still helped me realize that I don’t like  _ just _ boys or  _ just _ girls...I like both.”

“I’d hope you like both, considering you were telling her you loved her.” Azarin tries to not sound so bitter, but he can’t stop himself. Hearing that had set him off and sent him into such a deep spiral that he ended up hurting Zuko. He doesn’t want to think about hearing Zuko tell Mai he loves her.

Zuko shakes his head, letting out a long breath. “I did love her, but in a completely different way. Like I said, Mai was a distraction...what do you think I was trying to distract myself from?” Azarin doesn’t answer, because he knows, but he wants to hear Zuko say it. “Every day I woke up with you on my mind, and every night I went to sleep dreaming about you. She had every right to try and keep me from thinking about you, because  _ you were all I would think about _ . You saying you were in love with me is the entire reason I ended up here. Your love crashed into me and changed my entire world...did you know you’re that powerful, Azarin?”

Azarin’s heart is racing, threatening to leap from his chest. He doesn’t know how he expected this conversation to go, but it certainly wasn’t this. Maybe he expected to still be pissed with Zuko, even after hearing what he has to say, but he isn’t. He doesn’t know what he is, but it isn’t angry.

“I…” Azarin tries to start, but he isn’t even sure what he wants to say. He’s just too in shock at what Zuko is telling him. He stops walking again. “I don’t know what to say, Zuko…”

“You don’t have to say anything, I’m just telling you how I feel.” Zuko’s smile is heart-wrenching to say the least. Azarin is torn between feeling all the pain Zuko has caused him, and wanting to erase it all because of how Zuko is acting now. He doesn’t move when Zuko turns to face him and reaches up to push a strand of hair from Azarin’s face behind his ear.  _ “You _ are the reason I made the right decision in the end. The love I had for you as my friend evolved into something much bigger, and all I want to do is share it with you, Azarin…”

Azarin can’t stop the way he leans his head into Zuko’s warm touch. The prince is making it virtually impossible for him to think clearly, but there’s still that voice in the back of his mind that’s screaming about all the pain he’s felt over the last few months. He unconsciously jerks back a little, taking Zuko’s hand from his cheek. “We’re supposed to be talking, not touching.”

Zuko steps back immediately, face and neck flushing red. “You’re right...I’m sorry…”

They start walking again. Azarin gathers his composure again before speaking. “I feel like I need to apologize, too.”

“What? No, Azarin you haven’t done anything to--” Zuko starts to reassure him, but Azarin cuts him off.

“I beat you within an inch of your life, Zuko,” he says, pushing back the tears attempting to form behind his eyes. “I definitely need to apologize for that. If Katara hadn’t been there to heal you, who knows what you would have looked like after. So…I’m sorry, Zuko. You didn’t deserve that, no matter what you’ve done to hurt me.”

Zuko reaches up to touch the healing bruise on his temple from where Azarin had kicked him. “Thank you...even if I feel like I deserve it for all the pain I’ve caused you,  _ you’re _ apologizing for hurting  _ me.” _

Azarin sighs. “You don’t deserve violence, Zuko. It’s taken a lot for me to be able to process how I feel without it turning into anger. Obviously, I’m still struggling with it. Zhao passed down more than just the magic in his blood...I was born out of rage and fury. That was bound to catch up to me at some point, and I’m sorry it came out toward you so violently.”

“When I say you don’t need to apologize to me, I mean it. I understand, Azarin.” Zuko reaches for Azarin’s shoulder, but pulls his hand back just before touching him. The prince makes a slightly frustrated sound, and Azarin wonders why. “You just...you keep making me love you. Everything you do makes me love you more, and I’m sorry if that’s too much to hear, but it’s the truth. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come and the person you are now. You’re...incredible.”

With his heart pounding in his ears, Azarin turns impulsively and pushes Zuko up against the nearest tree. He keeps his hands pressed against Zuko’s chest but Zuko doesn’t touch him; the prince’s breath is heavy as Azarin leans down. He doesn’t know what he intends to do, but Azarin needs to do  _ something _ ...everything he’s kept pent up for so long is coming out, slowly but surely. Zuko  _ wants _ him, Zuko finally wants him and Azarin doesn’t know how to process that information.

“Wh-What are you doing?” Zuko whispers. Azarin can feel how hard the prince’s heart is beating underneath his palm. “Azarin…”

The way Zuko breathes out his name is nothing short of intoxicating. Azarin wants to press their lips together and just kiss Zuko until they both lose their breath, but he knows this is just what his body wants and has always wanted. He can’t give in to it, not when things are still so complicated and he’s still feeling the sting of all the pain Zuko has put him through.

Azarin’s head is leaning next to Zuko’s against the tree trunk, his breath shaky and ragged in the prince’s ear. When he speaks, his voice is just barely above a whisper, but he knows Zuko will hear him. “You have no idea how much I want to give in. You’re giving me everything I’ve always wanted, telling me all the things I’ve always wanted to hear.”

Zuko swallows, nervously. “So, what’s holding you back, then?”

Sliding one of his hands up, Azarin’s fingers slip around to the back of Zuko’s neck, into his hair. He lets out a soft sigh as he pulls back to lean his head against Zuko’s. “You can say all these wonderful things and I can lose myself in them -- in  _ you, _ but it could all just be a lie. When I said I couldn’t trust you, I meant it. You have to prove that I can trust you before I can open myself up to... _ this. _ As tempting as it is.”

When Zuko touches him, Azarin feels like his entire body lights on fire. Zuko’s hands squeeze his shoulders and the prince slides down the tree a little, like he can’t hold himself up. “I-I understand,” he says, with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. “I’ll prove myself to you. I promise, Azarin. I want this...I want  _ you _ ...more than anything.” Zuko saying this has Azarin’s breath hitching and he’s  _ so close _ to kissing him, so close to just throwing aside all his pain and letting himself get lost in Zuko, but he knows he can’t.

“You have to stop telling me what I want to hear, and  _ show me.” _ It honestly takes everything in him to pull away from Zuko, but he takes the slightest moment to press the lightest kiss to Zuko’s forehead. Azarin tries to ignore the sharp intake of breath from the prince as he steps back, probably farther than he should, but he  _ needs _ distance between himself and Zuko. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he doesn’t have it. “I’m sorry I...did that.”

_ “Don’t _ apologize for that,” Zuko responds, immediately. When he looks up at Azarin, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes have something in them that Azarin can’t quite place. “I’ll let you apologize for beating me up if it means you do not apologize for what just happened.”

This actually makes Azarin smile, and he feels like the mood is a little lighter. “Deal, I guess.”

They look at each other for another moment, and Azarin is sure Zuko’s heart is still beating just as heart as his is. The prince runs a hand through his hair, and Azarin watches as it falls back down into his face, in the most attractive way. “So...where does this leave us?”

Azarin blinks, trying to focus on anything that isn’t how attracted to Zuko he is. “Uh...we can try to be friends again? Now that the air is clear, at least.”

“I’d love that,” Zuko says this quickly, and Azarin doesn’t know why he expected Zuko to be upset about it. He just expects Zuko to be upset about everything, apparently, but Zuko has been pretty cooperative over the last few days. Azarin doesn’t know whether it’s out of fear or genuine compliance, but he’s alright with both.

“Again, I need to be clear that even despite what just happened, this doesn’t mean I want to be with you, or that we’ll eventually be together.” Azarin says this as they start walking back toward the temple. “We still have a lot to talk about, but  _ apparently _ I have trouble controlling myself, so I’m gonna set that boundary here and now.”

Zuko smiles, nodding. “That’s completely okay with me. The boundary and the, uh, trouble controlling yourself. Ha…” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Azarin feel’s like he’s going to burst from Zuko being so fucking cute.

“You  _ really _ don’t know how to flirt, do you?” Azarin asks, just as they reach the bridge to the temple. Zuko shakes his head, letting out a defeated sigh.

“I once gave Mai a dirty seashell to try and tell her she was pretty. She hated it.”

Azarin chokes back a laugh. “Mai hates everything.” He pats Zuko on the back, and he wants to keep his arm there around Zuko’s shoulders, but he doesn’t. The contact is too much. “Don’t worry, Sokka and I will show you how to flirt.”

Zuko sighs again. “You’re really gonna flirt with Sokka in front of me?”

“No, dummy, but I  _ should. _ I’m not gonna stop giving you hell just because we finally talked.” Azarin gives a small roll of his eyes, trying not to think too much about just how easy it is for him to fall back into a rhythm with Zuko. Whatever it is they have between them is new, but their friendship isn’t, and Azarin thinks that may make all of this a little bit easier to deal with. “I meant that Sokka and I can  _ teach _ you how to flirt. Just don’t use it on me, or I’ll break your fingers.”

“Well, don’t  _ you two _ just look chummy,” Sokka’s voice comes from the terrace, and he makes his way over to them, inspecting Zuko pretty thoroughly. “No fresh wounds or bruises...I’d say the conversation went well?”

Azarin shoves Sokka back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did you really think I was gonna take Zuko out into the woods just to beat him up?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t put it past you, no.” Sokka smirks, but before Azarin can respond again, Zuko is patting his shoulder, over and over, frantically, trying to get his attention.

“Azarin, I have something for you!” The prince starts walking toward the inside of the temple, gesturing for Azarin to follow. “I promise you’ll like it.”

After Sokka rolls his eyes dramatically, Azarin follows Zuko back into his room, watching as he pulls out a bag and pours its contents over his bed. Azarin stares at the parchments and scrolls in confusion. “Did you...write me a book…?”

Zuko shakes his head, then picks up one of the scrolls and hands it to Azarin. “Just look.”

Anxious, Azarin unrolls it and his heart drops.

  
  


_ My one and only love, _

_ I’m so grateful that you came to see me. I can still feel your embrace around me, your lips on mine. Every time we’re apart for too long, it feels like my soul is being detached from my body...hopefully you can understand, now, why I always beg you to visit. Even if it’s for barely an hour or an entire night, I’ll be grateful for it. I am always grateful to spend time with you, Ursa. _

_ I’m sorry this letter is so short, Azarin is extremely needy for me today, but I hope it finds you missing me just as much as I miss you, already. I will never forget your efforts to make things right. _

_ I love you with everything in me. _

_ -Manami _

  
  


Azarin drops to sit on the bed and he can’t hold back the tears in his eyes. He picks up multiple of the scrolls and papers, and majority of them are written by his mother. He looks up at Zuko, who’s standing in front of him, smiling. “H-How did you get th-these?”

“I went back to the palace after I found out my uncle had escaped from his cell. I wanted to get  _ something _ of my mother’s, and I found her room torn apart, with these lying everywhere from where my father had gone through her room years ago. I want you to have them...your mother wrote most of them.” Zuko clears a space for himself to sit next to Azarin. He still seems nervous; he tries to keep his hands in his lap as he speaks. “Apparently, my father has a habit of just leaving things in disarray and not having it touched for years at a time. Your room was exactly how you left it when we were banished.”

Azarin’s chest is aching and burning, and he misses both his mother and Ursa so much. His tears fall down his cheeks heavily. Zuko risked his father finding him just to go back to the palace and get something that had belonged to Ursa, and he spent even more time gathering all of these letters from Azarin’s mother just to give them to Azarin.

He doesn’t think, he just wraps his arms around Zuko’s shoulders. Azarin holds the prince close, because Zuko is the only person that would understand how important these pieces of parchment are. “Thank you so much, Zuko...you have no idea what this means to me…” Azarin pulls back, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand, trying to smile at Zuko. “And thank you for being honest with me when we talked. I...I really appreciate it.” Azarin takes in a deep breath to try and calm himself. “Just don’t turn out to be a fucking liar, and we’re all good.”

At this, Zuko laughs, and Azarin doesn’t think he’s heard Zuko laugh more in one day than he has in the last few hours. Not since they were children. “I’m not lying, I promise, Azarin. I’m gonna prove that to you.” Zuko’s hands squeeze Azarin’s back before he stands up and starts picking up the letters on the bed. “Let’s get these to your room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, it's still no simp september and azarin refuses to let himself give in to zuko just yet. they gotta go to prison first (:


	46. changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: i don't wanna be friends - kiiara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode foruteen: the boiling rock part one
> 
> tw: mentions of torture
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Azarin, come  _ on, _ we’ve been practicing all day…” Aang’s defeated voice sounds over their fire blasts, and Azarin pauses for a moment, but keeps his arms out in case it’s a distraction. “I’m  _ really _ hungry, and I’m pretty sure everyone else is getting ready for dinner.” The Avatar dodges another attack from Azarin, then looks up at him accusingly. “Hey! I’m just trying to get some food in my very loud, very  _ empty _ stomach!”

Azarin smiles, and finally relaxes a bit. Aang is right, they  _ have _ been practicing firebending since breakfast, but if he wants to be anywhere near ready to fight the Fire Lord then he needs all the training he can get. “I’m sorry, is the  _ Avatar _ giving up? It’s not like Ozai is going to offer you some snacks before you guys fight.” Despite his words, Azarin slings an arm around Aang’s shoulders as they start descending the steps back to the temple.

“Well, I’ll make sure to bring my own snacks, then,” Aang responds, with a bright smile in tow. Azarin laughs.

They separate to their rooms, and Azarin decides to wash up before eating, considering he and Aang have been shooting fire at each other all day and he doesn’t think he’s ever sweat this much in his life. The temple has a washroom unlike any Azarin has ever seen, considering it’s a river that runs through the natural caves inside the cliff. The Air Nomads created a whole room dedicated to bathing in the natural water so they don’t have to leave the temple, and there’s even a small waterfall on the far side of the cave that Azarin has used to rinse and wash his hair multiple times now. It’s  _ much _ better than feeling like he’s drowning every time he dunks his head under the river.

With his hair undone and sleep clothes in hand, Azarin makes his way to the washroom and expects to be alone, because everyone else has had plenty of time to wash up before dinner. Aang can both waterbend and airbend himself clean, so he isn’t worried about running into the Avatar, but he also isn’t expecting to see the person that’s there, bathing in the river, completely naked.

“Who’s there?!” Zuko shouts, turning around and covering himself the best he can. He lowers himself into the river and Azarin is shocked back to the memory of Zuko at the Eastern Air Temple a few years ago, showing Azarin his new muscles while hip deep in the river. This time, though, Azarin isn’t the one nervous and blushing.

“Just me, don’t worry,” he says, dropping his things on the rocky ground and lighting more of the lamps around them with some flames from his fingers. He tries to tell himself that his eyes  _ don’t _ wash over Zuko’s finely toned chest and abdomen.

Zuko’s eyes are wide and his cheeks flushed. _ “Don't worry?! _ You’re literally the  _ one _ person I was praying wouldn’t be there when I turned around…”

Azarin’s smile turns into a smirk as he begins disrobing. “This is only weird if you  _ make _ it weird, Zuko. We used to bathe in the same room and rivers all the time.” He’s definitely being nonchalant on purpose, to make Zuko more anxious, because it’s just so satisfying to finally not be the one on the receiving end of it...even if Zuko wasn’t exactly  _ aware _ that he was doing this to Azarin before.

“But that was before--” Zuko starts, but cuts himself off, looking away as Azarin wades into the cool river. The temperature feels incredible against his sweat-soaked skin, especially after being out in the sun all day, but Azarin doesn’t let that distract him from how Zuko’s eyes had wandered lower just before he turned them away.

“Before what, Zuko?” Azarin questions. He’s standing directly in front of the prince and he leans down into Zuko’s face a little, smirk still prominent on his lips. “Before you were attracted to me?”

Zuko’s breath hitches just slightly, and his eyes find Azarin’s. “I kinda miss when you hated me.”

“That doesn’t answer the question,” Azarin says this just before he pulls back and steps around the prince to move to the waterfall. He rinses himself off, wetting his hair thoroughly, then moves deeper into the river to wash. Zuko’s gaze never leaves him. “Can I help you with something? Are you finished washing or are you just going to stare at me the rest of the night?”

Zuko looks like he’s going to combust, if Azarin is being honest. The prince gulps back something; probably fear. “I…”

“You…?”

“You…”

“Me?”

Zuko shakes his head and moves frantically, getting out of the water and clumsily gathering his clothes to put them on while he’s still dripping water. “I-I have to go,” the prince says, quietly.

Azarin sighs. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so...suggestive. “Zuko, I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s fine, don’t apologize.” Zuko cuts him off. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I just have to...uh...I have to meditate before dinner...uncle said it helps with digestion…” Even though that’s the most awful excuse Azarin has ever heard, he lets Zuko rush out of the room, then continues his bath.

Zuko avoids eye contact with Azarin for the remainder of the night. Even as he’s passing out the tea he made to everyone, he just hands Katara two cups and she gives one to Azarin. The tea is good, but Azarin just hates himself for making Zuko upset. Sure, Zuko probably deserves to be upset about some things, but not Azarin flirting with him. That’s supposed to be fun and lighthearted, but Zuko is so serious and he takes everything so deeply, especially when it comes to Azarin. He can’t blame the prince, considering what they’ve been through lately, but Azarin is just trying to get back to some semblance of normal with Zuko. Should he not be himself, if Zuko is going to react this way?

Shortly after giving everyone tea, Sokka asks to talk to Zuko alone. Azarin thinks it’s strange and watches them from a distance, expecting Zuko to get angry or Sokka to fly off the handle. Neither of those things happen, though, and both of them just return to sitting around the fire like nothing happened.

It’s the middle of the night when Azarin finds out what Zuko and Sokka spoke about.

Zuko shakes him awake and Azarin almost burns him to get him to stop, because he was sleeping  _ so deeply _ and dreaming about chocolate. “What part of  _ I’m sleeping _ don’t you understand?”

“Wake up!” Zuko whispers, harshly. “Sokka is gonna try to free his dad from the Boiling Rock…”

This makes Azarin shoot straight up in his bed. “Is  _ that _ what you were talking to him about earlier? Why would you let him do that, stupid?!” Zuko is dumb, Zuko is so dumb, he’s so stupid, he’s gonna get Sokka  _ killed… _

“I’m not! He was just asking me questions about Fire Nation prisons and where war prisoners would go, and--”

“And you just  _ told him _ that his father might be in the worst prison in the entire world? Zuko, what the hell were you thinking?!” Azarin’s voice is raising a little and he knows he should try to be quieter before he wakes anyone else up. He just can’t believe that Zuko would be this stupid, because Sokka couldn’t have been discreet enough about it to where Zuko didn’t know what he was trying to do...Sokka is never discreet about  _ anything. _

“Look, I know it was stupid, but he caught me off guard,” Zuko responds with a frustrated sigh. “All we can do now is try to stop him. You’re good with him, he’ll listen to you. I planned on waiting for him in the bison’s saddle, considering that’s how he’s probably planning on going…”

Azarin lets out a long breath, throwing his blankets off of himself and changing clothes quickly before following Zuko out onto the terrace and up onto Appa’s back. Once seated, he crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, no sign of Sokka yet. You sure this wasn’t a ploy to try and get me alone?”

Zuko drags his hands down his face dramatically. “After what happened earlier, I promise you the  _ last _ thing I want is to be alone with you, Azarin.”

At this, Azarin can’t help but laugh a little. “If you’re afraid I’m going to jump you, I’m sorry to disappoint. I meant what I said about not trusting you, but I can’t help that I’m just naturally a flirt. You’re the only other guy here that I can fuck with.” Azarin smiles, but Zuko lets out a frustrated sound.

“What about Haru?!”

“I’m not gonna flirt with someone that doesn’t like boys, stupid,” Azarin rolls his eyes, leaning against the ledge of Appa’s saddle.

Zuko falls forward, face down. His voice is muffled when he speaks. “I’m gonna lose my mind…” The prince rolls over to his back, then huffs out a breath that blows his hair from his face. Azarin smiles at how adorable he is. “How is it fair that you told me not to flirt with you, but you get to flirt with me?”

“It  _ isn’t _ fair,” Azarin says, quickly, shrugging. “But that’s just how it is. I make the rules, here, between you and I. Unless you’d rather me go back to trying to strike you with lightning…?” Surprisingly, Zuko seems to mull this over, but he doesn’t get the chance to respond. There’s rustling coming from across the terrace and Azarin sits back as Sokka starts to climb up Appa’s side. When the Water Tribe boy’s head pokes up past the side of the saddle, Azarin smiles. “Good evening, twerp. Where you headed?”

Sokka slides back down Appa as Zuko and Azarin drop down, too. “Really, Zuko?” Sokka says, sounding highly annoyed. “You told  _ him?” _

“Don’t make this about Zuko,” Azarin responds, stepping to Sokka and making the other boy look at him. “You’re being stupid. Go back to bed and let this idea die before it kills you.”

Sokka pulls away from Azarin, his expression hard. “Look, I have to do this. The invasion plan was  _ my _ idea. It was  _ my _ decision to stay when things were going wrong. It’s my mistake and it’s my job to fix it. I have to regain my honor, and neither of you can stop me.”

“Ugh, I swear if I hear that word  _ one more time _ , I’m going to lose it!” Azarin is absolutely fed up with people and their  _ honor. _ If they all want to die for it, he might just let them at this point.

“Believe me, Sokka, I get it…” Zuko starts. His eyes move from Azarin back to Sokka, and Azarin doesn’t like the look that’s in them. “We’ll...we’ll go with you.”

Azarin feels like he’s surrounded by idiots with death wishes, but he knows he has to help them, anyway.

After writing a poorly convincing note for everyone about going fishing and hunting for meat, the three of them set off in Zuko’s war balloon toward Boiling Rock. The sun comes up not long after they leave, which has Azarin groaning from his seat next to Sokka, because he just wants to  _ sleep. _

“Make it go away,” he mumbles, eyes closed, turning his face into Sokka’s shoulder.

Sokka shoves him off. “Don’t fall asleep on me, drooly.” He keeps Azarin at an arm’s length, but Azarin heats up his fingers that are around Sokka’s wrist, which makes the other boy yelp and pull back. “Why are you trying to burn me?!”

Azarin settles his head back on Sokka’s shoulder, closing his eyes again. “You took my pillow away.”

There’s suddenly the sound of fire and heat in front of him, making him jump. Azarin opens his eyes to see Zuko standing over him and Sokka with an uncomfortable look on his face. “No sleeping. We need to come up with a plan.”

Stretching his arms up into the air, Azarin stands and leans back against the railing of the balloon. “Considering you roped me into going along with this, I don’t feel inclined to help come up with a plan. I’m just along for the ride.” He smiles at Zuko, who groans in frustration.

“Azarin,  _ please, _ you’re the smartest one here--”

“Hey!” Sokka interjects, standing up as well. “What am I, stupid?!”

“Yes,” both Azarin and Zuko respond at the same time, but Azarin is the one that continues. “This  _ whole idea _ is stupid and dangerous, so we’re not listening to any more of your bright ideas, Sokka.”

Looking like he wants to object, Sokka raises a finger, mouth hung open, but then drops it along with his defiant expression. “That’s fair.”

They decide that doing this discreetly is probably the best option available to them, so pretending to be guards might prove fruitful. Two of them are firebenders, anyway, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to convince people that they’re just new recruits. If Azarin has to pull the “I’m a failed Admiral’s son” card, he may do that, too. Considering by now, everyone in the Fire Nation probably knows about Zuko abandoning his country, it’s probably best if he stays completely hidden with Sokka, though.

The sun is starting to set and they still don’t have sight of the Boiling Rock yet. The food Sokka had packed is long gone, considering he only packed for one person and they had impulsively left without gathering more. Azarin is starting to want to turn around, especially because it’s his turn to keep the fire in the engine going, and Zuko is halfway asleep after telling Azarin he couldn’t nap this morning.

Kicking Zuko in the thigh lightly, Azarin tries to find anything at all to talk to him about. “Hey, if you actually liked Mai, and she was supportive and helpful...what did you tell her when you left?”

“Huh?” Zuko rubs his eyes, sitting up a little but remaining seated against the side of the balloon basket. “I, uh...I wrote her a letter. I left it in her bedroom the day of the eclipse.”

At this, Sokka sits up a little from where he’d been studying a map of the Fire Nation. “Oh, this’ll be good,” he says, sarcastically. “What did you tell her?  _ Sorry, gloomy girl, but I have to chase my destiny and kiss more boys…?” _

Azarin shoots fire at Sokka. “Zuko hasn’t kissed  _ one _ boy since being here, thank you very much.”

“Uh...anyway…” Zuko clears his throat, looking nervous. “I told her that I didn’t want to drag her into my mess, and that I’m in…” His eyes move to Sokka, quickly. “That I couldn’t ignore my feelings for Azarin anymore. I thanked her for everything she’s done for me, and told her I’m sorry.”

There’s a short silence between the three of them, until Sokka moves closer to Zuko and pats him on the shoulder. “Man, that’s heavy. I understand, though...my first girlfriend turned into the moon.” Sokka looks up into the sky for a moment, a bittersweet smile on his face. Zuko returns it.

“That’s rough, buddy,” he says, and all Azarin can do is admire them as two boys he wants to kiss become friends.

It becomes apparent to Azarin that they didn’t think this whole thing through when they crash land and lose their war balloon once they finally reach the Boiling Rock. They’re now stranded in a Fire Nation prison, and even if they can find Hakoda and escape, they’ll still be trapped on the island with no way off of it. Azarin tries not to think about it too much.

Just as they sneak in and get into guard uniforms, they’re forced to go into the prison yard to try and break up a fight between a prisoner and another guard. Sokka gets separated from him and Zuko almost immediately, telling them to meet him back in the yard in an hour. Azarin has no idea what they’re going to do, but he figures trying to ask around about prisoners could help.

Azarin and Zuko end up in the guard’s lounge to get some much needed food and ask around about war prisoners. It turns out there haven’t been any new influx of war prisoners recently, and definitely not anyone from the Water Tribes, so this entire trip has been a waste...and they can’t even get back to the temple safely. If he weren’t so cute, Azarin would burn Sokka’s eyes out of his head.

When they tell Sokka, he’s extremely upset. Azarin can’t blame him, honestly; he feels like the entire invasion plan failing falls on his shoulders, since it was his idea. Azarin remembers being in the library in the desert when Sokka first got the idea, and how excited he was, but now the weight of his decisions is drowning him, even when he’s trying to make things right. Azarin wishes he could help, that he could somehow take away the guilt Sokka feels, but he knows the only thing that will do that is finding Hakoda.

Just when they start to lose hope, and Zuko is off on a rant about clouds and silver linings, Sokka spots Suki in the prison yard and Azarin thinks maybe the trip isn’t  _ completely _ hopeless after all. They make a plan to let Sokka visit her while Azarin and Zuko guard the door to her cell, and it sounds like a great idea until another guard tries to go into Suki’s cell and Zuko being  _ stupid Zuko _ tries to fight her off to prevent Sokka from being found out. Azarin has to help her detain Zuko to keep up the pretense, and when she goes off to find the warden, she leaves him alone in Zuko’s cell.

Once he’s sure there’s no one else around, Azarin throws Zuko’s prisoner clothes at him so he can change. “You’re an  _ idiot. _ What the hell were you thinking? Someone here is  _ going _ to know who you are and you’ll be sent back to your father!”

“What else was I supposed to do?” Zuko says, pulling his shirt over his head. “If I didn’t, Sokka would have been thrown in here instead, and he’s the one that needs to break out Suki. I’ll figure something out. I couldn’t let him feel like he failed again.”

Azarin stops himself before responding again. While his initial reaction is telling Zuko he’s stupid, that he’s putting himself in danger, that he could be killed...that’s just what he’s used to reacting with. He’s missing the meaning behind Zuko’s actions, and that’s to help Sokka with this mission. Zuko did something to put himself into danger, so someone else could succeed. Zuko did something selfless.

“Azarin? Are you okay?” Zuko asks, now dressed in the red prison clothes, eyes filled with concern.

Once again, Azarin finds himself having to fight off the urge to kiss Zuko breathless. Now isn’t the time, and this isn’t the place...this is  _ definitely _ not the place. If his first kiss with Zuko happens in a prison, he’ll probably hate himself forever.

When Azarin goes to respond, the door to the cell opens and he stands at attention, saluting the warden who enters. Azarin steps to the corner of the room as the man addresses Zuko. “Well, well well...I never thought I’d find you in here,  _ Prince Zuko.”  _ Azarin has to stop himself from releasing the gasp in his throat. Of course this man knows who Zuko is, why wouldn’t he?

Zuko’s eyes go wide. “How did you know who I am?”

“How could I not?” The warden says, eyes narrowing at the prince. “You broke my niece's heart.”

No.  _ Fuck _ no. There is no way that Zuko is now a prisoner in a prison run by  _ Mai’s uncle. _ Their luck can’t be this bad, can it?

“You’re Mai’s uncle?” Zuko asks, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. He sounds just as shocked as Azarin feels. “I never meant to hurt her…”

“Quiet!” The man snarls. “You're my  _ special _ prisoner now, and you best behave. If these criminals found out who you are, the traitor prince who let his nation down, fraternizing with a spellbender...why, they'd tear you to shreds.”

The anger that sparks in Zuko is unexpected. He lunges forward, right into the warden’s face, lowering his voice dangerously. “Leave Azarin out of this.” Azarin blinks from behind his helmet. Is Zuko...protecting him?

The warden doesn’t flinch a bit, and smiles. “Is your little boyfriend here with you? I’d  _ love _ to rip apart a spellbender and pull the fire from his every vein.” At this, Zuko shouts and tries to strike at the warden with a flaming hand, but Azarin jumps forward and restrains his arms behind his back as the warden steps back, laughing. “Teenagers are  _ so _ easy to piss off.”

“What’s in this for you, huh?” Zuko asks, from behind clenched teeth, struggling against Azarin’s grip on him. Luckily, Azarin is stronger. “Why don’t you just tell my father and collect the reward?”

“Oh, in due time, believe me...I intend to collect.”

With that, the warden steps out, slamming the cell door behind him, and Azarin lets go of Zuko. The prince is breathing heavy as he looks up at him, and Azarin doesn’t even know what to say. He’s equally shocked and terrified to even be here now, but his chest is filled with something that he can’t exactly put a name to. Zuko tried to protect him. Zuko got angry when someone threatened him. Zuko is willingly becoming a prisoner to help Sokka. What does this all mean?

“Get out of here,” Zuko says, low. “Go before someone questions why you’re in here with me. He’ll torture you.”

Azarin shakes his head and steps forward. “Zuko...I--”

“Azarin,  _ go!” _ Zuko cuts him off, his voice shaking. “I’ve already put you in enough danger by bringing you here. Go find Sokka.”

Ignoring what Zuko said, Azarin wraps his arms around the prince, who slowly returns the embrace. The moment he pulls back to look at Zuko, the urge to kiss him is stronger than it’s ever been and Azarin thinks he can see the same look cross Zuko’s gaze. They separate, though, and Azarin leaves to find Sokka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zuko being good boi make azarin go uwu


	47. almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: who do you love - marianas trench

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episodes fourteen and fifteen: the boiling rock parts one and two
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

At best, Zuko feels like he always has: a failure. At worst, he feels like he coerced Sokka into a hopeless mission, and sentenced Azarin to a gruesome death. Either way, he doesn’t feel _great,_ and he’s also half expecting Mai to show up at any moment to kick his ass now that her uncle knows who he is and has him in his clutches. Even though Sokka has come up with a brilliant escape plan, Zuko is just so terrified that Azarin is going to be figured out, and killed shortly after. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if that happened.

He isn’t sure if he’s reading too much into it, but spending time alone in the cooler after unbolting everything he needed gives him time to think. He’s probably overthinking it, but he feels like the hug Azarin gave him is more than what it seems. He’d wanted to kiss Azarin so badly but that was hardly the moment for him to do it, and Azarin probably would have been angry with him if he did. Still...he can’t get the look in Azarin’s eyes out of his mind, especially when he has nothing else distracting him from thinking about it.

He _could_ think about how cold he is, and he could focus on warming himself up with his breath, but this just makes him think about wanting Azarin’s hot skin against his own, keeping him warm instead. The other night at the temple, Zuko had almost completely lost it seeing Azarin naked. It’s been years since he’s seen Azarin without his clothes on, and now Azarin is infinitely more attractive, and Zuko doesn’t know how much more he can take without slipping up and accidentally touching Azarin without warrant, or worse...kissing him.

Zuko hates himself because these aren’t the thoughts he should be having while he’s locked in isolation in the most notorious Fire Nation prison to ever exist. He should be worried about Sokka and his dad — and he is. It’s just that Zuko’s thoughts are constantly flooded by Azarin, in any and every way possible, so everything else just seems to take the back seat if his mind is at rest. He wants it to stop, because he really couldn’t be more obvious about it and it’s embarrassing. The way he reacted earlier with the warden isn’t something he’s used to anymore, he doesn’t get angry like that anymore, but just the mere _thought_ of that man hurting Azarin and the things it would bring to the forefront of Azarin’s mind...it sparked a rage in Zuko that he hasn't felt in such a long time.

Zuko’s inner monologue is cut short when Sokka shows up to get him, but there’s yet another kink in their plans; new inmates are coming in the morning, and some of them will be war prisoners. Even though Zuko wants to get the _hell_ out of this prison — and get Azarin far away from the warden — he knows he can’t force Sokka to make the decision to go through with the plan. This is Sokka’s mission, and it needs to be Sokka’s decision to stay or go.

At the edge of the lake, on the precipice of their escape, Sokka hesitates. “If I had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe sometimes it's just better to call it quits before you fail…” He sounds defeated as he gathers his Water Tribe clothing and puts it into his bag. Zuko shakes his head.

“No, it’s not,” he says, stepping forward. “Look, Sokka...you’re going to fail _a lot_ before things work out.”

The prince feels a painful flick to the back of his head and turns to see Azarin glaring at him. “Is that supposed to make him feel better?”

Zuko’s heart clenches tightly at the look Azarin is giving him, but he reaches for Sokka’s shoulder, ignoring Azarin. “Even though you’ll probably fail over and over and over again—”

“Seriously, Zuko, you’re _not_ helping,” Azarin tries to interrupt again, but Zuko continues on. He doesn’t want Sokka to give up if he could still possibly redeem himself and feel better about what happened with the invasion.

“—you have to _try_ every time. You can’t quit because you think you _might_ fail.” Zuko stares at Sokka for a moment before his eyes go to Azarin again. He looks like he’s _admiring_ Zuko, which sends the prince’s heart into a frenzy. Luckily, Sokka finally speaking up makes them break eye contact.

“I’m staying,” he says, turning to face them and putting a hand on Suki’s shoulder. “You guys go. You’ve been here long enough.” His eyes are sad as he looks at her, and Zuko wonders how much it must have taken for Sokka to try to let Suki go without him.

“I’m not leaving without you, Sokka,” Suki says, with a soft smile and a hand squeezing his.

Zuko smiles, too, nodding toward Sokka and squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “I’m staying, too.” He looks to Azarin, but can’t decipher the other’s expression, really. “We can’t do this without you, Azarin…”

Letting out a long sigh, Azarin places a hand on top of Sokka’s head to ruffle his hair a little. “I guess _someone’s_ gotta make sure you three don’t kill yourselves with another escape plan.”

Zuko is kinda glad they didn’t go with Chit Sang and the others across the lake, because they get caught just as the morning comes and the new prisoners arrive. Even though the whole prison is scrambling to try and secure everything again, the four of them have their eyes glued to the gondola to see if Sokka’s dad is there. He is, and Zuko thinks he can feel them all sigh with relief. 

They make it back in with no issues, really. Azarin and Sokka separate; Sokka goes to talk to his dad and Azarin takes Suki and Zuko back to their cells. Zuko wants Azarin to stay, he wants to talk to him and make sure he isn’t angry with Zuko for convincing Sokka to stay. When Azarin goes to leave Zuko in the cell, his fingers brush across Zuko’s own and the prince can’t stop the sharp intake of breath at the clearly intimate contact. He looks up at Azarin quickly, and even through the guard’s helmet he sees the other smile just before stepping out of the room. Zuko tries not to think about how his heart skips several beats.

Sokka comes to talk to him later on and explains that they’re going to try another escape plan, one that he and Hakoda had come up with, but Zuko doesn't have time to get the whole story because he’s taken somewhere by other guards. Apparently the warden gave them direct orders. Zuko has a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, even if he’s yelling at the guards that he’s done nothing wrong after they throw him in a torture cell.

“Come _on,_ Zuko,” a monotone, extremely familiar voice comes from the corner of the room. Zuko looks up in shock as Mai steps into the light from the hallway. “We _all_ know that’s a lie.”

“Mai…” Zuko gulps back the fear growing in his throat. “How did you know I was here?”

She rolls her eyes. “Because I know you _so_ well.” When Zuko just stares at her, shock still apparent on his face, she sighs. “The warden’s my uncle, you idiot.” She steps forward and brings out a scroll, unrolling it as she steps around the chair he’s in. Zuko immediately recognizes it as the letter he left for her, and his chest gets tight with anxiety. “The truth is, I guess I _don’t_ know you. All I get is a letter? You could have at least looked me in the eye when you ripped out my heart.”

Zuko closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath in a feeble attempt at steadying his heart. “I didn’t mean to, Mai. You know why I had to leave.”

“You didn’t _mean_ to?!” Mai snaps, eyes sharp on him just before she pulls the letter into her vision, reading from it. _“Dear Mai, I’m sorry that you have to find out this way, but I’m leaving.”_

“Stop!” Zuko says, shaking his head and trying to force back the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes. “This isn’t about you! It’s about—”

“Let me take a wild guess and say Azarin?” Mai interrupts him, then continues to read through the letter. _“I can’t continue living a lie, and even though I care about you dearly, I can no longer ignore the fact that I’m in love with Azarin.”_ She throws the parchment in his face. “You left me for a traitor, you left me for a _leech!”_

At this, Zuko stands, and raises his voice. It booms and echoes throughout the room. “Do _not_ talk about him that way, you have no right to insult him! It isn’t even fully about Azarin, it’s about the Fire Nation, too!”

_“Thanks,_ Zuko,” Mai’s voice is dripping with sarcasm as she glares at him. “That makes me feel _all_ better.” She doesn’t understand, there’s no way she _can_ understand until the war ends and everything falls into place.

Zuko makes a frustrated sound, pushing his hair out of his face for a moment and lowering his voice again. “Mai, I never wanted to hurt you, but I have to do this to save my country.”

Mai scoffs. “Save it? You’re _betraying_ your country, in more ways than one.”

“That’s not how I see it, but if trying to be happy makes me a traitor in the eyes of the Fire Nation, then I can’t change that.” Zuko says. He walks toward the open door, but stops and turns to face Mai again. “I wish we could be friends, Mai. I care about you, and I wish you could see things the way I do. I hope that one day, you can.”

Mai stares at him with tears in her eyes. She looks like she’s about to say something, but a guard runs into the room. He says there’s a riot going on and he’s there to protect Mai, but Zuko knows just as well as Mai does that she doesn’t need protecting. Still, Zuko uses the disruption to attack the guard, throwing him out into the hallway and closing the cell door. Mai glares at him through the door, and Zuko runs off toward the prison yard.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The moment Azarin sees Zuko running toward them, his heart decides to take off with beating out of his chest. He watches as the prince fights off a guard or two, then makes his way to the group, panting for breath. Azarin takes off his guard helmet and throws it to the ground, then pulls Zuko into the tightest hug he thinks he’s ever given him. When Sokka had told him the warden wanted to see Zuko, Azarin had thought the absolute worst and he hasn’t exactly been the best help with the escape plan ever since.

While he’d been squeezing Zuko half to death, Suki had taken off across the yard toward the warden. The group watches as she swiftly and gracefully climbs up the prison tower and takes down guards at the same time, all while they struggle to just simply go up the stairs fast enough to keep up. Even though he’s pretty sure Suki doesn’t like him at all, Azarin is thoroughly impressed with her, as always.

Once they have the warden in their custody, they make their way toward the gondolas, with Zuko and Azarin in front to fight off the guards with their bending. When the gondola starts moving, Azarin looks around and sees Zuko still standing on the prison roof. He makes a frustrated sound and moves toward the door.

“Zuko, what are you doing?! Get _up_ here, idiot!” Zuko jumps, and Azarin nearly falls out of the gondola just to catch his arm. Sokka helps him pull Zuko up and once he’s safely inside, Azarin kicks him in the shin, heart still racing. “Stop fucking scaring me like that, stupid.”

“What were you doing, anyway?” Sokka asks, while Zuko rubs his sore leg.

“I made it so they can't stop us,” the prince responds, with a proud smile that Sokka returns.

“Way to think ahead!”

Suki steps next to Sokka and wraps her arms around his hips, leaning her head on his shoulder. “We’re on our way…” Azarin thinks they’re cute, even if he’s a little jealous, but he doesn’t get to say anything about it.

“Wait,” Hakoda points back down toward the prison, where two girls who definitely _aren’t_ prisoners are standing on the roof where they’d just been. “Who’s that?”

Azarin actually growls from the anger that wells up inside him at the sight of Azula. “That’s a _problem.”_

“It’s my sister and her friend,” Zuko says. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, and Azarin steps to the prince, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“We can take them.”

They head up to the roof while Chit Sang and Hakoda stay in the gondola with the warden. When Ty Lee and Azula land on the gondola, Suki and Sokka start fighting Ty Lee while Azarin and Zuko take Azula. She’s quick and agile as always, easily avoiding attacks from both of them, but she’s fighting two against one. It’s bound to catch up to her.

They both successfully push her to the edge of the roof with their attacks, but just when Azarin thinks she’s going to fall to her well-deserved death, she drops down onto her hands to catch herself, then kicks a stream of blue fire their way. Azarin sends fireball after fireball toward her and Zuko does the same, but she’s just _too quick._ Even if she doesn’t have the opportunity to attack them herself, she’s avoiding all their fire so everything just seems pointless.

Just when Azarin thinks they’re finally going to get an edge on her, the gondola shrieks to a halt and everyone’s attention goes back to the prison roof, where guards can be seen sawing the metal cables that are keeping them in the air. Azarin panics, forgetting Azula and trying to come up with an immediate plan to solve this problem. Azula and Ty Lee jump off to an incoming gondola.

Back inside, Azarin takes Zuko’s shirt in his fist and points to the open door, ignoring the shocked look on the prince’s face. “We can use our bending to propel the gondola forward as quickly as possible. Hopefully, we can move it before the cables are cut completely.”

“Azarin, you’re a _genius!”_ Sokka exclaims, hands and sword in the air. He starts pushing Zuko and Azarin to the front of the gondola. “Go, go! Before we become prison soup!”

Even though he’s the most stressed he’s ever been in his life, Azarin actually smiles a little. On opposite sides of the gondola, Azarin and Zuko assume stable bending stances and push their arms out of the open windows. The fire they produce moves the gondola forward, but not as fast as Azarin had hoped.

“Zuko,” he calls, over the rushing sound of the fire coming from their fists. When the prince looks over at him, Azarin continues. “Do you remember the firebending I taught you the first time we ever fought Aang?” In his mind’s eye, Azarin recalls positioning Zuko’s arms and the way the prince’s skin felt underneath his hands. He shakes away the memory when Zuko nods. “I think we both need to make a ball of fire that large to be able to make it. Can you do that?”

“I…I think I remember, yeah…” Zuko looks like he’s straining to focus between speaking and bending, so Azarin just nods in response, then they both stop sending fire out of the gondola. Using the same motions, they both gather their energy into their cores and send it out of their fists. The resulting fireballs are insanely large, enough to propel the gondola a lot farther and faster than their previous fire...but it still isn’t enough to get them to the top of the volcano.

“Damnit, I _swear_ that should have worked!” Azarin says, frustrated and panting for breath as the gondola swings back and forth from the amount of sheer force he and Zuko just put into it. He turns to face the rest of the group. “I don’t think either of us has enough energy to do that again…” Azarin then looks over at Zuko, who’s hunched over with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

Hakoda steps to Azarin, smiling even though they’re all about to die, probably. “It was a smart idea, Azarin. We’re all just too exhausted to do much else.”

Azarin nods and goes to say something about trying again, but the gondola jerks back into moving on the cables. They all move to the windows to see what’s happened, and Azarin can just _barely_ make out someone fighting off the guards in the distance. It looks like…

“It’s Mai…” Zuko says, looking completely bewildered. Azarin knows there’s something he’s missing, but now isn’t the time to ask. They need to get out of here. The gondola reaches the top not shortly after, and they leave the warden inside it to writhe around and try to get free.

They end up stealing Azula’s airship to get back to the temple. There’s plenty of food on it, so they all have a huge meal and then go to rest in any rooms they can find. While Azarin is completely and utterly exhausted, he can’t seem to sleep, not when he knows Zuko is down in the engine room fueling the ship with fire, completely alone. The prince must be just as exhausted as the rest of them, and yet he’s the one putting in the most work to get them back. Zuko has done so much to prove he can be trusted over the last few days that Azarin thinks he’s lost count, honestly. He thinks Zuko deserves some kind of reward, or at the very least a break.

After getting a large bottle from the kitchen and filling it with cold water, Azarin makes his way down to the engine room. When Zuko sees him, he brings his hands out of the furnace and wipes sweat from his forehead. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be resting.”

Azarin holds up the glass bottle filled with water. “I came to give you a break.”

Even though Zuko eyes the water in Azarin’s hand like he’ll die without it, he still shakes his head. “No. I’ve gotta get us back. Azula will find a way off that island and she’ll come for us.” The prince goes back to sending fire into the furnace, but Azarin reaches over and shuts the door to it, despite Zuko’s protests.

“Stop. Sit. Drink,” Azarin says this as he pulls Zuko into a nearby chair and shoves the bottle of water into his hands. He tries not to watch the way Zuko’s sweat rolls down his throat as the prince gulps down the water, and instead continues talking. “Did you know Mai was there?”

When he’s finished with the entire bottle of water, Zuko takes a moment to catch his breath before responding. “That’s where the guards took me when I was talking to Sokka. They threw me in a room with her and left me there.”

“Jeez,” Azarin says, eyes wide. “And you made it out alive?”

Zuko laughs at that and shrugs. “She was angry, obviously. We talked, she yelled at me, I explained how I felt to her. Clearly, _something_ got through to her, though.” The prince looks up at Azarin with a soft smile on his lips that Azarin returns.

_“You,_ Zuko. _You_ got through to her, obviously.” Azarin can feel his heart beating up into his throat but he ignores it as he takes Zuko’s hand into his own. Zuko’s eyes get wider and he stares at where Azarin is gripping his hand. “You did _incredible_ things while we were there. I’ve never seen you be that selfless, Zuko. I...I’ve never seen you be that _good.”_ Azarin wishes he were exaggerating, but he isn’t. Zuko was a completely different person at that prison, and Azarin isn’t going to let it go unnoticed.

“I just…” Zuko starts, head down as he still stares at their hands. “I wanted to help Sokka. And after the warden threatened to torture you, I…” The prince takes in a deep breath and looks up at Azarin before he lets it out. “I couldn’t let that happen. I had to do everything in my power to get you out of there before he found you and killed you.”

Azarin doesn’t know if it’s the exhaustion or adrenaline, but he finds himself leaning forward. Zuko squeezes his hand as he does, and Azarin really thinks that this is the moment they’ve both waited for, the moment that they needed to finally bring them together. But just before their lips meet, the door to the engine room slides open loudly and the two jump to their feet, separating.

“Uh…” Chit Sang says, looking around and smiling awkwardly at the two boys staring at him. “This isn’t the bathroom…”

“No, it isn’t,” Azarin responds, clenching his fists. He tries his best to calm his heartbeat, but it’s useless. He feels like his chest is going to explode.

“I’ll leave you two alone, then…” Chit Sang closes the door slowly, and when they’re alone again, Azarin turns back to Zuko, who’s face and neck are about as red as the clothes he’s wearing.

“I’ll fuel the engines. You go get some rest. You deserve a break, Zuko.” Even though his voice is pretty normal, Azarin still feels like an absolute idiot for trying to kiss Zuko. A few days of Zuko being good and he’s ready to throw in the towel?

Zuko nods. “Thank you for the water, Azarin…” He goes to push past him, but Azarin catches the prince’s hand again.

  
“Thank _you._ For everything.” Their eyes meet and Azarin can tell that Zuko is holding something back, but he doesn’t question it. Their fingers slip apart, and then Zuko is gone.


	48. trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: easily - bruno major

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows (the beginning of) book three episode sixteen: the southern raiders
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin spends a lot of time with Katara once they get back. He feels like he’s going to spontaneously combust if he doesn’t get out everything that’s inside him, and Katara needs to know what happened while they did time in prison, anyway. He tells her everything, putting special emphasis on the progress Zuko is making, especially with Azarin himself. But Katara doesn’t exactly seem as enthused about it as Azarin does.

“I can’t believe this is the what --  _ third  _ time? -- that you’ve almost kissed him, and you guys have only had  _ one _ in-depth conversation about the things he’s done.” Katara’s voice is hard, which Azarin isn’t used to hearing. At least not directed  _ at _ him. “I still don’t trust him. He could turn again at any moment, and then you’d be hurt all over again because you let yourself feel something for him again.”

Azarin lets out a sigh, shaking his head from the riverbank where he sits, while Katara practices bending in the water. “I never  _ stopped _ feeling something for him, Katara. I just pushed it down and replaced it with anger and rage. Do you want  _ that _ Azarin to come back? He wasn’t very open about his feelings.” He can’t help the sarcasm that wraps around his voice, even if it earns him a heavy rainfall of water above his head. He needs a bath, anyway.

“I think you’re being stupid,” Katara says, pointedly. “If he hurt me like he did to you, I’d never trust him again. What happened to  _ I’m never gonna  _ **_be_ ** _ with Zuko, _ hm?” The way she mocks his voice is actually amusing, even if she intended it to be offensive.

“Since when is kissing him  _ being _ with him? I’ve kissed your brother a lot. Was I ever  _ with _ him?” Azarin prepares himself for the onslaught of water, and it comes in the form of a small wave crashing into him. He pushes his wet hair out of his face, smiling at Katara. “Hitting me with water isn’t exactly proving your point.”

“Look, I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay?” She pulls the water from his hair, skin, and clothes, leaving him completely dry as she pulls it back into the river. “I love that you’re not angry anymore, and I love that you’re trying to be friends with him again, but that doesn’t make  _ me _ trust him. I wasn’t there watching him do all these incredible things you’re talking about. The last interaction I had with him, he made me trust him with a sob story about his mother, trying to relate to me, and then he betrayed that trust immediately after. So I’m sorry if I’m just not ready to forgive that yet.”

Azarin doesn’t take his eyes away from Katara’s, and they stay like that for a moment, just staring at each other. He isn’t exactly sure how to respond, because deep down he knows he could never allow himself to give in to Zuko if Katara doesn’t trust him. He’ll constantly feel like he’s doing something wrong, or that any disagreement or argument he and Zuko have, Katara will be expecting them to break up or will be there to say “I told you so.” He also just trusts Katara’s judgement, perhaps a little  _ too _ much, so going against it will make him feel like he’s betraying his best friend. He doesn’t want to hurt her or upset her with his actions, especially when it comes to Zuko.

“If I talk to him more, and let you know what he says, will that make you feel better?” Azarin asks this a little quietly. His fingers rip up the grass around him, nervously.

Katara sighs, making her way to the riverbank and sitting beside him, her head resting on Azarin’s shoulder. “I’m not sure anything will make me feel better about him, Azarin. I wasn’t expecting you to want to be with him...I thought he was just going to be around for a little while for you guys to work out your problems with each other.”

“Katara…” Azarin trails off, with a sigh at the end. He moves his hand over to hers where it’s resting on her lap, and he runs his fingers delicately across the engraved metal around her wrist. There’s a reason he hasn’t asked her for his mother’s bracelet back, and he needs to remember that, no matter how good Zuko is starting to make him feel again. “I won’t go any further with him until he earns your trust. He may have everyone else’s, but you’re the  _ most  _ important person in my life now, Katara. If you don’t trust him...then neither do I.”

At this, Katara pulls her head up from his shoulder. She turns him to face her, and Azarin isn’t sure what her expression is. Sad? Sympathetic? “You don’t need to do that, Azarin. I want you to be happy, and if he’s how you get that, then you should go for it. I don’t want to be the reason you aren’t happy…”

“No, that’s not it,” Azarin counters, shaking his head. “I don’t need him to be happy...I already have that. I have a family that loves me, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He smiles, and so does Katara, but she lets him continue. “I guess I just...I wonder what it would be like. To be with him. Especially if he’s truly changed and become the person I always knew he could be. It isn’t a necessity so much as a curiosity, really. I mean, I do love him, but he isn’t my entire world like he used to be. He isn’t everything to me anymore, and I think that’s a good thing.”

“I think it is, too,” Katara says. She wraps her arms around him, and they stay like that for a while longer, just watching the river flow in silence.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, mind if I watch you three  _ jerks _ do your  _ jerkbending?” _

Azarin’s attention is brought to Sokka, who he’d thought had been asleep since it was so early in the morning, as the boy sits on the ground in front of where Aang, Zuko, and Azarin are practicing firebending. He honestly doesn’t mind if Sokka watches, but Azarin knows Aang is still a little insecure about his firebending skills despite how far he’s come, and he doesn’t know if the Avatar will be comfortable with it or not.

He gets his answer when Aang attacks him again. He jumps to the side to avoid it, then looks back to where Sokka is sitting. “You might want to sit a little farther back, Sokka. Wouldn’t want you to get hit by our jerkbending.”

“Sure, sure,” Sokka responds, getting up and moving to a much safer distance. “Threaten me with violence, Azarin. Nothing new.”

Trying to ignore Sokka, Azarin goes back to watching Aang’s form as he attacks Zuko. After a few moments of watching and dodging fireballs, he steps to Aang and repositions his arms as well as his feet. “You’re an airbender, Aang, you should know not to keep your stance  _ too _ stable when you’re fighting a firebender.” The Avatar nods toward him, then sends a stream of fire at Zuko, turning his entire body around to send another just after it. Azarin smiles. “Better. Now run through the hand gesture drills.  _ With _ fire.”

“Ugh, Azarin, I  _ hate _ the gesture drills,” Aang protests, but begins doing them anyway. “I wanna keep fighting!”

When Azarin looks to Zuko and nods, the prince immediately attacks Aang again, who makes an amusing sound as he tries to avoid it. Azarin positions him correctly again, then pats him on the shoulder. “Oh, you’ll still be fighting. Do the drills on one hand while fighting Zuko with the other. Keep switching hands until you get the hang of it.”

Aang’s eyes grow wide just before Zuko shoots another fireball at him and he has to avoid it. The Avatar begins the gesture drills on one of his hands and tries to use earthbending with the other, and as soon as Zuko gathers his balance again from being knocked to the side with a good sized rock, he points a finger at Aang. “Hey! Only firebending!”

Turning to Azarin, Aang slumps forward, looking defeated. “That’s just not fair! I’m the Avatar, if I can bend all four elements then I should be able to use them in a fight. It’s not like Fire Lord Ozai is going to put restrictions on what bending elements I can use.”

“It isn’t about fighting the Fire Lord, Aang,” Azarin responds, trying not to sigh. Aang is always quick to leap over the point and land on his own conclusion, and it might just be the death of him some day. “I’m trying to teach you firebending. This is a technique  _ all _ firebending teachers use so their students can learn how to manage their time properly, keep focus, and stay aware of their surroundings. Trust me, I hated doing it too, but it really helps. Right, Zuko?”

At the mention of his name, Zuko looks up, smiling. “He’s right, Aang. My hands were sore for  _ weeks _ when I was learning to do this, but it helped me learn to fight off more than one person at a time.”

“But I’m only gonna be fighting the Fire Lord,” Aang counters, sounding confused.

Zuko sighs. “My father can bend lightning and regular fire at the same time. If you don’t practice these drills, you won’t be able to redirect it while blocking another attack.”

Aang looks a little scared, but still nods, and they get back to training.

Later on, after everyone washes up and they have a late lunch, Azarin pulls Zuko into his room before the prince can pass down the hall to his own. Once the door is closed and Zuko stops asking him what’s going on, Azarin sits on the bed, trying to gather his thoughts.

“We need to talk some more,” he says. He looks up at Zuko standing by the door awkwardly and can’t help but smile. “If that’s okay?”

Not shocking at all, Zuko immediately nods, stepping forward. “Of course, Azarin. Is everything okay?” The prince moves to sit next to Azarin on the bed, but Azarin holds his arms out to stop him. The look on Zuko’s face is painful.

“I think it’s best if we try to stay separated for the time being…you keep making me lose my composure.” Azarin hates it, because he wants to have Zuko close  _ so badly, _ but he knows that’s a dangerous game to play. “I’m sorry if that’s upsetting. I just don’t want a repeat of what happened during our last conversation, and what happened on the airship.”

If Zuko had any more pain in his eyes, Azarin thinks they might fall out of his head. The sight of it makes his heart sink, but Zuko still nods and pulls the chair from the corner of the room, placing it in front of Azarin but still a good distance away. “I’m sorry that I...I’m sorry if I’m doing anything wrong. I’m not meaning to. I thought we were doing really well, actually…”

Azarin’s first instinct is to reach forward and put his hand over Zuko’s own to reassure him, but he resists it. “We’re doing extremely well, I think so too. But now that things are settled a little, I’ve realized that the excitement and adrenaline of what was happening is what pushed me to try to kiss you. I don’t think that would have exactly happened had we not just skirted a line with death itself, and I don’t want that to be where we start... _ if _ we start.”

Even though his head is down, Azarin can see the small smile that forms on Zuko’s lips. “I think I agree, even if going so slow is mind-numbing.” Zuko looks up at Azarin with admiration in his amber gaze. “I just...I  _ really _ want to kiss you.”

“I know,” Azarin responds, trying not to blush. He doesn’t say it, but he really wants to kiss Zuko, too. “But I don’t want to just jump into things, especially if all my friends don’t feel comfortable with you yet.”

This seems to get Zuko’s attention off of where it’d been locked on Azarin’s lips. “What? Who’s not --  _ oh. _ Katara.” The fact Zuko knows exactly who he’s talking about makes Azarin a little sad. Is she really being this obvious about it to him? “I know she’s really important to you, and you’re important to her. I guess I wouldn’t feel right, either, if your best friend still had a problem with me if we’re together. Does that make sense? I’m so bad at talking…”

Azarin shakes his head, letting out a small laugh. “It makes sense, don’t worry.” Again, Azarin has to resist the urge to lean forward and put a hand on Zuko’s knee to reassure him. He feels like he might scream if this goes on for too long. “But...she still has reservations about you, and I can’t ignore that. If she still doesn’t trust you but I do, then what am I missing? Am I being stupid and naive?”

“You’re not. Not at all.” Surprisingly, Zuko is quick to agree. “She’s a good friend, and all she wants is to protect you. I don’t blame her for not trusting me, especially when she saw with her own eyes just how much pain and hurt I’ve put you through coming out in the form of violence.”

Azarin nods. “Exactly. I’m glad you understand, Zuko. I guess I’m just afraid of making a mistake…” If he’s being honest, he feels like he’s already made  _ several _ mistakes by giving in to what he feels for Zuko, even just the smallest amount, but he isn’t going to admit that out loud.

“Even if you do, it’s okay. We all have to make mistakes to learn from them. I’m the biggest example of that, hah…” Zuko rubs the back of his neck, looking anxious. “But, I promise you’re not making a mistake with me, Azarin. I know those are just words, but I swear I’m gonna prove it. To you  _ and _ Katara.”

Azarin is glad Zuko is sitting across from him, in a chair, out of arm’s reach. Every time Zuko speaks this sincerely with him, he wants to pull the prince close and kiss him until their mouths get sore. He’s happy with the boundaries he’s set, but it doesn’t mean he has absolutely  _ no _ desire for Zuko whatsoever. In fact, Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever wanted Zuko more than he has in the last few days, but giving in to that desire is dangerous. They’re walking across a very thin line at the moment, and every move they make could turn into disaster if they aren’t careful. Azarin doesn’t want that, and he’s pretty sure Zuko doesn’t, either.

“Azarin?” Zuko’s voice and concerned eyes bring Azarin out of his thoughts. He blinks a little, nodding for Zuko to continue. “How can I prove myself to Katara? I’ll do anything. Literally anything. I don’t want her to hate me...I want to be her friend.”

_ I’m not sure anything will make me feel better about him. _

Azarin pushes Katara’s voice from his mind, because there  _ has _ to be a way Zuko can get on her good side. If he’s being honest, Azarin thinks Katara’s hatred for Zuko isn’t exactly  _ all _ about protecting him. “I’m not sure, honestly. She normally trusts pretty easily, almost to a fault. There has to be something at the root of her distrust for you, and I don’t think it’s me.”

“So what is it?” The desperation in Zuko’s voice and expression sends a spark of guilt through Azarin’s chest. “You’re her best friend. What can I do?”

He has to think about his answer for a few moments, with Zuko staring at him expectantly. “Just...give her time. Be nice to her. Maybe try to talk to her about it, if she’ll let you.” Azarin has no idea if any of that will even work, but he just hates seeing Zuko be  _ this _ desperate to prove himself. He feels torn between his deepest desires in Zuko and his rational mind, which happens to be taking the physical form of Katara. He hopes the confliction will end soon.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko wakes up to an explosion outside. Even though he’s groggy from sleep, he rushes out onto the terrace to find Aang and the others fighting off Fire Nation airships. Aang closes the terrace shield with his airbending, but it definitely isn’t going to be enough to hold back the explosives the ships are sending their way. The ceiling rattles above them and Zuko looks up, seeing huge chunks of rock beginning to fall from it, down to where Katara stands. His eyes grow wide with shock and in an instant he tackles her to the ground to get her out of the way of the falling rock.

He ends up on top of her, and she glares over her shoulder at him. “What are you  _ doing?!” _

Zuko blinks. “Keeping rocks from crushing you…?”

“Okay, I’m not crushed,” Katara responds, struggling to get out from underneath him. “You can get  _ off _ me now!”

Moving aside, Zuko lets go of her and she gets up to run off toward Aang. Zuko sighs, and he can’t help but think about  _ just _ how difficult it’s going to be to get on Katara’s good side, if even when he’s saving her life she’s still acting like she hates him. Azarin told him to just be nice to her and give her time, but exactly how long is that going to take?

Zuko shouldn’t be thinking about this; the temple is being  _ attacked _ by the Fire Nation, and he thinks he knows exactly why, and who’s behind it.

Toph and Haru create a tunnel into the cliff behind them so everyone can escape, but Zuko stays rooted in front of the disintegrating shield, even when Azarin tries to pull him by his hand back toward the others. “What are you doing?!”

Zuko tries not to smile at how similar he sounds to Katara, because now is definitely not the time to admire how cute their friendship is. “Go ahead. I’ll hold them off...I think this is a family visit.” He pulls his hand from Azarin’s grip and runs forward.

“Zuko, no!” Aang calls, but Zuko doesn’t look back. He jumps over crumbling rock and protects himself from an explosion with a wall of fire, then runs through the smoke and sends a forceful ball of fire toward one of the airships, hitting it in the hull and destroying one of its explosive launchers.

Before he can attack again, though, another airship rises from below the temple with none other than Azula at the top of it. Zuko’s fists clench at his sides. “What are you doing here?”

“You mean it isn’t obvious yet?” Azula snaps back. There’s something strangely different about her voice; it’s almost frantic. “I am about to celebrate becoming an only child!”

Zuko stands in shock as Azula flips herself to send a giant stream of blue fire toward him, but there’s a wall of fire protecting him in the next instant, one that he didn’t create. The prince looks beside him to see Azarin in a bending stance, smiling at him. “You didn’t think I’d let you fight that crazy bitch on your own, did you?”

Zuko’s heart beats even harder and faster than it had been before, and he wants to say something in response, but Azula continues attacking and the other airships are sending so many explosives at the terrace that it begins crumbling. Both Zuko and Azarin are sent flying back into the ground, but they get up and run over the cracking stone beneath their feet. Zuko is left with no other choice but to try to jump from a falling pillar to Azula’s airship, and while he sends out attacks to damage it, he falls down into the clouds and lands on his back on top of the stolen ship parked lower down in the temple.

He has to gather his breath from having the air knocked from his lungs, but he hears Azarin’s panicked voice from up above, calling for him. It hurts thinking about how much pain Azarin must be in, thinking he’s dead again, but Zuko stands as the airship begins to rise where the others are likely escaping on it. Once he’s above the cloud cover he sees both Azarin and Azula across from him, staring. One of them looks relieved, the other annoyed.

When Azarin turns to attack Azula, Zuko propels himself forward on his legs, running as hard and fast as he can across the airship, then leaping over to the other. Azula tries to attack him while he’s in the air, but he and Azarin both block her. When Zuko lands, he goes straight into sending large streams of fire at Azula, while Azarin does the same.

Azula starts to retreat just slightly, because she knows she’s outnumbered and out matched. Of course, when this happens, she starts trying to play mind games with them because her options are running out. “Won’t you two give up already? You’re both pathetic.”

“If we’re pathetic, then why did you bring this many warships with you if you’re so  _ confident _ in your ability to kill us?” Azarin’s tone is clearly meant to agitate her and Zuko thinks he’s being stupid, but when Azula’s attention turns to him to attack, Azarin sends fire toward her face and she just  _ barely _ dodges it. The very tips of her hair get singed.

Zuko attacks immediately after, both of them slowly closing in on her. She eyes Azarin for a moment before feigning an attack toward Zuko, who goes to block it, but she attacks Azarin instead. Azarin seems prepared for it but Azula is quick; she sends fire from her feet toward Azarin at the same time, causing him to lose his balance. In the few seconds that Azarin is trying to regain his footing, Azula and Zuko’s flaming fists are about to collide with each other. The resulting explosion sends all three of them flying backward.

Even while he’s almost plummeting to his death, Zuko wishes Azarin hadn’t tried to fight Azula with him. If he hadn’t, he’d be safe, and not free falling to his untimely end. Azarin doesn’t deserve to die, but Zuko thinks he himself deserves death and so, so much more.

Just when he comes to terms with dying, he feels a hand on his arm, pulling him down into Appa’s saddle. Zuko only gets a moment to see that it’s Azarin before he’s pulled directly into the other’s chest in a suffocating embrace. The prince melts into Azarin’s warmth easily.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They fly to an uninhabited island off the coast of the Fire Nation and make camp there. Zuko still feels like Azula could show up at any moment, seeing as she somehow managed to survive the fall, but he tries to relax as the group sits around a fire and eats what little food they managed to gather before leaving the temple so abruptly. He feels like the entire attack is his fault, considering Azula was there for him, to kill  _ him. _ Now they’ve lost their safehouse, because even if Azula knows they’ve left, she’ll no doubt keep Fire Nation soldiers there at the Western Air Temple just in case they try to come back. Zuko is starting to think he should have just disappeared when he first got the idea.

“Wow, camping!” Aang says, breaking a short silence that had fallen over the group. “It really feels like old times again, doesn’t it?”

At this, Zuko shrugs, trying to get himself out of the bad mood he’s in. “If you really want it to feel like old times, Azarin and I could, uh...chase you around a while and try to capture you.” He’s shocked when everyone laughs. It makes him smile, until he sees the look on Katara’s face from where she’s seated next to Azarin.

“Ha... _ ha,” _ her tone is dark, and Zuko gulps back the fear in his throat when her sharp eyes turn to him. He sees Azarin nudge her in the side with his elbow, and she looks away as Sokka raises his cup of water and speaks.

“To Azarin, and Zuko!” Sokka says, with a wide smile on his face. “Who knew after all those times he tried to snuff us out, Zuko would be our hero. He and Azarin really saved our skins today.”

Everyone else aside from Katara raises their cups, too, and Zuko can’t stop the flush that takes over his cheeks. “I’m...touched. I truly don’t deserve this…”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Katara says, in that dark tone again, and she gets up to walk off, shoving off Azarin’s grip on her arm. Something cold chills down Zuko’s spine.

“What’s with her?” Sokka asks, directing his question to Azarin, who shrugs.

“Don’t know. Why don’t you go see, Zuko?” Azarin looks to the prince, gesturing his head in the direction Katara had gone and Zuko sighs, standing up, then walks off toward Katara.

She had moved to the edge of the cliff they’re on, sitting on a rock, and when she notices he’s coming she goes to move to the other side of the cliff’s edge. Zuko is getting a little frustrated with her blatant rudeness and snide comments, if he’s being honest. He expected it from Azarin, because he’s hurt Azarin the most out of everyone here, so he put up with it from him. Zuko hasn’t done half the horrible things to Katara as he’s done to Azarin, but she still hates him.

“This isn’t fair, you know,” Zuko starts, following her as she walks. That definitely isn’t the best way to start, but he can’t take it back now. “Everyone else, including Azarin, trusts me now. What is it with you?”

Katara turns sharply, anger prominent on her face, fists clenched as she speaks. “Oh, everyone  _ trusts _ you now? I was the  _ first person  _ to trust you, remember? Back in Ba Sing Se...and you turned around and betrayed me, betrayed Azarin, betrayed  _ all of us!” _ Her chest is heaving with her breaths and Zuko thinks Katara might just explode soon, if she gets any angrier. “I told you not to cross me, Zuko, and yet here you are. You sure you don’t have a death wish?”

Taking in a deep breath and trying not to focus on every little thing Katara is saying, Zuko keeps his eyes on her and his voice even. “What can I do to make it up to you? I’m trying my hardest, Katara. Azarin is holding himself back because he won’t trust me completely until you do, and--”

“So  _ that’s _ why you’re talking to me?” Katara interrupts him, stepping toward him with her voice getting louder as she speaks. “You only want to please me so you can have Azarin. Why am I not surprised? You only ever think about what benefits yourself.”

“That’s not true! I’ve  _ been _ trying to get on your good side ever since I got here...Azarin isn’t the  _ only _ motivation behind me being nice to you!” Zuko is trying to stay calm, but he’s so used to reacting when someone argues with him that it just comes out, even when he doesn’t want it to. “I want to be your friend, Katara.  _ Please _ tell me what I can do.”

Katara gets even closer to him, just like she had the day he joined the group. Only this time, she’s raising her voice instead of lowering it dangerously. “You really want to know, Zuko? Hmm, maybe you could re-conquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King.” She starts poking her finger accusingly into his chest. “Oh, I know! You could unbreak my best friend’s heart and undo all the trauma you’ve caused him. Or you could, I don't know,  _ bring my mother back.” _

This makes Zuko’s eyes go wide as he realizes  _ exactly _ what this is all about. Katara shoves past him to walk back to camp, but Zuko stays standing there with his eyes focused on the waves crashing onto the rocks below the cliff. Katara’s hatred for him has never been about what Zuko has done, or the pain he’s caused Azarin. It’s about Katara’s hatred for the Fire Nation and how they killed her mother.


	49. revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme(s): killing boys - halsey / dear katara - L.dre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode sixteen: the southern raiders
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“So you want to take Katara on a trip to find the man that killed her mother?” Azarin stares at Zuko in disbelief. This isn’t what he expected to come out of Zuko trying to talk to Katara, not in the slightest. “Because you think she’s somehow directed her anger with him toward  _ you?” _

Zuko sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he sits across from Azarin in his tent. “Think about it, Azarin. Up until she became friends with you, she despised the Fire Nation. She can’t direct her hatred toward you, because you’re her best friend and you showed her that not everyone from the Fire Nation is bad. She’d feel guilty if she did that, because she loves you.”

_ Now _ Zuko is actually starting to make sense. Azarin points a finger at him. “She did the same thing when we were around Hakoda a lot. She was rude to him until she finally processed how she felt about him leaving to fight in the war.” Pausing, Azarin thinks for a moment. “And now that you’re here, she doesn’t have to push back her anger toward the Fire Nation anymore. You can be the scapegoat because you’ve actually done things to hurt her and the people around her.”

“Which is why I want to find the man that killed her mother and let her take out her anger on  _ him _ instead of me.” Zuko nods, sounding confident. It’s cute. “I talked with Sokka to get more information. I know it was the Southern Raiders that attacked the South Pole the day their mother died, and we can get more information on where the Raiders are currently located from a Fire Navy communication tower.”

Azarin sighs. Zuko is extremely determined to do this, but Azarin is afraid it isn’t for the right reasons. “Why are you so adamant about this? I told you to talk to her and give her time...and now you want to take her on a revenge trip?”

“Because she deserves closure,” Zuko says, with his hands clenched into fists where they’re resting on his knees. “It isn’t about getting on her good side anymore. It isn’t about being with you, either...no offense.” Azarin actually smiles, and nods, then Zuko continues. “I want this for her. If I could be the one instead of Aang to fight my father for what he did to my mother, I’d do it. And you  _ can’t _ tell me it didn’t feel good to let Zhao die in the name of your mother.”

“I mean...you’re not wrong…” Azarin lights a few more candles around them so he can see Zuko better. The prince’s face is hard, and determined, and while Azarin thinks this isn’t the  _ best _ idea, he also knows he isn’t going to convince Zuko otherwise. He’d rather be there with them to make sure they’re okay than to have them sneak off by themselves. “If you can convince Katara, then I’ll go. But  _ you’re _ talking to her, not me.”

The smile that spreads across Zuko’s face is bright. It makes Azarin’s heart skip a few beats. “I’ll go try to talk to her now. Thanks, Azarin.” The prince pauses for a moment with his eyes washing over Azarin, to which Azarin raises a brow at him.

“Are you going to get out of my tent now so I can sleep?” He questions, trying to keep his eyesight off of Zuko’s lips. It’s a difficult task, if he’s being honest.

“Are you sure we can’t kiss just onc--”

_ “Out, _ Zuko,” Azarin cuts off that sentence before it can even begin to take root in his mind, shooting a stream of fire toward the prince as he scrambles out of the tent.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin isn’t shocked when Zuko stays up all night waiting to talk to Katara, or when Aang refuses to let them take Appa for a revenge journey. Azarin isn’t exactly okay with taking Appa in the dead of night, either, but with how serious Katara now is about finding this man, he isn’t going to protest. He apologizes to Aang just before they take off, though.

The only things the three of them talk about while they fly is where they’re going, and how they’re going to sneak into the communications tower when they find one. It’s easy enough to do, and once they get the information they need, they set off again toward the south. It’s going to be a long journey, but Azarin doesn’t mind. He’s just worried about Katara not getting any rest now that she’s so hyper focused on what’s going on. They’ve been flying for a while now and she hasn’t stopped to eat anything or nap, but when Azarin tries to get her to rest, she shoves him away and keeps her eyes on the horizon in front of them. He goes back to the saddle and shuts his eyes.

Zuko stirring in front of him makes Azarin wake up. It takes him a moment to realize he’s pressed flush against Zuko’s back, with his arm around the prince’s waist. His heart jumps to life just as Zuko realizes the same thing. They separate to opposite parts of the saddle frantically, eyes locked on each other for a few moments before Katara breaks the thick silence, looking over her shoulder at them.

“You both got cold from the wind,” she says, rolling her eyes a little before turning her gaze back in front of her. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

When his heart calms down a little, Azarin moves out of the saddle to sit behind Katara. He takes Appa’s reins from her despite her trying to slap his hands away. “Go rest. We had a nap, now it’s your turn.” He says this with his chin on her shoulder, and she shakes her head in response, shrugging him off and crossing her arms over her chest.

“I already told you I’m fine.”

“He’s right, Katara,” Zuko says from behind them. “We’ll be there in a few hours and you’ll need all your strength.”

Katara glances over her shoulder again at Zuko. “Don’t you worry about my strength, Zuko. I have plenty.” She looks forward again, but moves her hands to where Azarin’s forearms are around her, sliding them down to his wrists and gripping there. “I’m not the helpless little girl I was when they came.”

Azarin presses a kiss to the side of her head. “You might not be helpless anymore, but you’re still human, and you need to rest.”

“Azarin, I  _ told _ you--” Katara starts protesting again, but Azarin cuts her off.

“Would you rather keep flying while you rest, or do you want me to find a place we can camp and waste more time?” When Katara lets out a frustrated huff and gets up to go back into the saddle, Azarin smiles. “That’s what I thought. Sweet dreams.”

When Katara is  _ actually _ asleep instead of faking it like she began doing, Zuko moves around her to the front of Appa’s saddle, tapping Azarin on the shoulder. “Do you think Aang was right? When he said revenge is like a two-headed rat viper?”

Azarin shrugs. “He might be. I think he knows Katara well. He’s never said anything about my revenge with my father, or about how you attacked yours. He knows you and I get real satisfaction from revenge, even if he doesn’t agree with the entire concept of it.”

“So…” Zuko starts. Azarin swears he can hear the gears turning in Zuko’s head as he thinks. “What you’re saying is Aang thinks Katara isn’t the kind of person that’s capable of getting revenge and being satisfied with it?”

“What I’m saying is Aang  _ knows _ Katara isn’t that kind of person,” Azarin turns his head a little to look at Katara’s sleeping form, then moves his eyes to Zuko for a split second. “I know she isn’t, too. She needs to take this journey for her own closure, but I don’t think she’ll be able to do anything to him. That’s another reason why I’m here.”

Zuko’s hand is on his shoulder, but Azarin shrugs it off. “Azarin...you can’t…”

“I can,” Azarin says, voice stern. “I can for her, at least. I didn’t think twice about killing that assassin when he attacked you, and I won’t think twice about killing the man that took Katara and Sokka’s mother from them. Why are you so okay with Katara doing it, but not me?”

“Because it’s one thing to kill your abuser, and it’s one thing to attack someone in the heat of the moment, resulting in their death. It’s something  _ completely _ different to kill someone on someone else’s behalf. At that point, you have to start questioning whether or not you enjoy killing itself.” Zuko takes a short pause, letting out a breath. “Why do you think the assassin I hired wouldn’t stop when I told him to? He wanted to kill Aang more than he wanted the money, he enjoyed the hunt and wanted to take out his target. That isn’t you, Azarin.”

While Azarin  _ is _ taking Zuko’s words into consideration, he doesn’t respond. Maybe it isn’t him, but it will be for a short moment in time, so Katara doesn’t have to live with the guilt, herself.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When they finally make it to Wail Tail Island where the Southern Raiders are patrolling, it ends up being a fruitless journey. Despite all their efforts, the man that’s leading the Raiders now isn’t the man that killed Katara’s mother. It takes Katara using bloodbending, something she swore she’d never use in her life, to get him to tell them where the retired leader is. They rush to the Fire Nation town in silence.

They quietly track the man and after hearing his voice, Katara confirms that it’s him. While he’s walking home from the market, it begins raining, which gives them enough cover to set up a tripwire as a diversion. The paranoid man attacks behind him when he hears something in a bush, but walks forward again only to trip and fall face first into the mud on the ground. Azarin and Zuko send an attack his way, making him scramble back to try and avoid getting burned.

“We weren’t behind the bush,” Zuko says. Azarin can almost hear the smirk in his voice.

“And I wouldn’t try firebending again, if I were you,” Azarin adds, then steps toward the man threateningly.

“W-Whoever you are, take my money,” he says, trembling on the ground in front of them. “Take whatever you want, I’ll cooperate…”

At this, Azarin laughs. “What happened to ‘nobody sneaks up on me without getting burned,’ huh?” He shoots fire above the man’s head, making him cower in fear. “You’re pathetic.”

Katara walks up the path behind them, pulling down the mask covering her face. When she speaks, her voice is even, and harsh. “Do you know who I am?”

Yon Ra blinks up at her, but shakes his head. “No...I’m not sure…”

“Oh, you better remember me like your  _ life _ depends on it!” Katara snaps, stepping closer to him and making him cower back into the ground more. “Why don’t you take a closer look?”

Leaning up to get a better look, the man’s eyes widen with shock and realization. “Yes, yes, I remember you now...you’re the little Water Tribe girl…” He moves to sit under the tree next to them, telling them how Katara’s mother told him that  _ she _ was the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe, and so he killed her, because those were his orders. Katara scoffs.

“She lied to you. She was protecting the last waterbender.”

“What?” He asks, and Azarin thinks this man has to be about ten shades of  _ stupid _ to not have realized it by now. “Who?”

_ “Me!” _ Katara shouts, putting her hands out beside her and bending the rain around them into stillness. Azarin stares around them at the sheer brilliance of it, and he sees Zuko pulling his mask down to do the same. The incoming rain forms a dome over them as Katara holds her bending steady. When she releases it, she yells with fury in her voice and forms the water into ice just as sharp as any knife, sending it straight for Yon Ra. He holds his arms in front of his face like that will do anything to protect himself, but Katara lets the ice land in the ground around him instead of hitting him, with the majority of it still floating in the air, pointing at him.

Katara’s eyes soften and she melts the ice back into water, letting it drop to the ground again. Yon Ra gets on his hands and knees, not even able to look Katara in the eye. “I did a bad thing...I know I did and you deserve revenge. So why don't you take  _ my _ mother? That would be fair.”

Azarin and Zuko look at each other for a moment while Katara speaks. “I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand.” She steps even closer to him and Azarin moves to follow her, to protect her, but Zuko pulls him back by the arm as Katara continues. “There’s just  _ nothing _ inside you, nothing at all. You’re pathetic, and sad, and empty.”

As if he couldn’t get any more pathetic, the man starts sobbing.  _ “Please... _ spare me…”

“But as much as I  _ fucking hate you…” _ Katara stops walking when she’s directly in front of him, and he looks up at her like these are his final moments. Katara shakes her head. “I just...can’t do it.” She turns from him and starts walking away.

Azarin takes the moment to move forward, pushing past Zuko and taking Yon Ra by the hair, pulling him up and slamming the old man against a tree. Katara and Zuko are shouting at him and pulling at him to get him to stop, but he’s stronger than them. He looks right into this man’s eyes and sees the fear and panic there. “I hope you suffer, every day, every moment for the rest of your life knowing that the girl whose mother you  _ murdered _ is a better human being than you.”

“Azarin,  _ stop, _ please!” Katara’s voice comes from behind him and he finally lets go of Yon Ra, watching as the man slumps to the ground.

Azarin sets the tree behind him on fire, watching Yon Ra once again scramble to avoid being burned. “Killing you would be too easy. You clearly hate yourself, and making you live in misery every day is a better revenge than death would be.” Leaning down to the man’s face and feeling Katara’s fingers slip from his arm, Azarin shakes his head in disgust. “Sparing you is worse. Death is too kind for you.”

With that, Azarin stands straight again and walks past Katara and Zuko. They catch up to him and Katara runs in front of him, her eyes narrowed for a moment before they soften and she throws herself on him, wrapping her arms around him and crying into his chest. Azarin holds her there, watching as her tears mix with the rain falling around them. He looks up at Zuko, who’s smiling at him, but neither of them say anything to each other.

They aren’t far from Ember Island, and Zuko makes the suggestion that they can stay there for the time being, at his family’s abandoned beach house. While Azarin is terrified of the memories that will bring up for him, he doesn’t protest, because he’s tired of sleeping on the ground or in Appa’s saddle, honestly.

Once there, Katara immediately sheds her black clothing and dries all of them off with her bending, then goes to the run down wooden dock to sit. Azarin joins her while Zuko takes Appa to get everyone else. They don’t talk; Katara holds Azarin’s hand and leans into him while she kicks the water beneath her feet lightly. The silence is far from comfortable and there’s so much that Azarin wants to say to her, but he isn’t going to force Katara into talking. She’ll say something when she’s ready.

When Zuko returns, Aang immediately runs to them and asks if Katara is okay. This is when she speaks up, explaining how she feels even if it isn’t what Aang had hoped to hear from her.

“I didn’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him,” she says. Her eyes move from Aang to where Zuko stands behind him, and Azarin is shocked to see her expression soften. “But I  _ am _ ready to forgive you.” She steps past Aang, stopping in front of Zuko, and Azarin for some reason thinks something bad is going to happen, but it doesn’t. Katara hugs the prince tightly, and even though Zuko looks completely bewildered at what’s happening, he returns it. When Katara pulls back, she keeps her hands on his shoulders. “This was your idea, and I know it didn’t have anything to do with Azarin. You understand wanting justice. You understand the pain of losing a mother, and it was wrong of me to make everything you do about Azarin. It was wrong of me to project my feelings about the man who killed my mother onto you. I’m sorry, Zuko.”

Zuko has tears in his eyes, tears that Katara wipes away once they fall. “You don’t have to apologize, Katara.”

“Then let me thank you instead,” Katara counters, then hugs him again. “Thank you for this, Zuko...truly.” She lets go of him and smiles, then walks past him with Aang to where Sokka, Toph, and Suki are waiting with Appa.

Azarin’s heart is beating wildly in his chest as he looks at Zuko. The prince smiles softly at him, looking like he wants to say something, but it never comes. Azarin takes a hesitant step forward and takes both of Zuko’s hands in his own, sliding their fingers together and leaning his head against Zuko’s own. Azarin wants to kiss him. He wants to press his lips against Zuko’s and savor this moment for the rest of his life, but there’s still something inside him that’s holding him back. Until he figures out what that is, he doesn’t want to risk opening himself up to a world of hurt.

He doesn’t say any of this, though. Azarin squeezes Zuko’s hands then lets them go, stepping beside Zuko and leaning in to press a dangerously long kiss to the prince’s scarred skin of his cheek. “Thank you,” Azarin says, low, against Zuko’s hair. “You’re everything I knew you could be, and more.”

When Azarin finally gathers the strength to step away, he sees Zuko’s hand go up to where he’d just kissed his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID Y'ALL THINK THEY WAS GONNA KISS??!? AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHA


	50. finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme(s): love is a bad word - kiiara / say it first - sam smith
> 
> (it's mostly the sam smith song but you'll see why the other fits so well)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Come down to the beach and dig up shells with me!”

Zuko’s hand is gripping Azarin’s and he takes in a small breath as he’s quickly pulled down the path to the shore. Azarin blinks as he watches Zuko’s hair flow through the wind, his amber eyes and smooth, pale skin a varying contrast to Azarin’s tan skin, and even darker eyes. Zuko is everything he isn’t, and Azarin feels more for the other boy every single day.

Once at the beach, Zuko and Azarin dig through the sand to find shells and animals, and they even burn a few of the shells into ash just for fun. Azarin takes every moment he can to admire Zuko, even if the prince is completely oblivious to Azarin’s eyes on him. Azarin doesn’t mind, because if Zuko knew just how much Azarin is admiring him, he’d probably hate him. Forever.

They fill the jar they’d brought with shells, and when they’re done splashing each other with water and firebending the waves away, they head back to the house and show Ursa everything they’d gathered. She seems distracted, but tells them they did a good job, anyway.

“Oops,” Azula’s voice comes from behind them, and just after it the shattering of glass. She’d knocked down their jar of shells and all of them lay broken across the floor.

“Why would you do that?!” Zuko screams, fire spilling from his fists. “Azarin and I just found all those, why are you so mean?”

Ursa pinches the bridge of her nose, clearly agitated. “Ozai, I could  _ really _ use some help, here…” She calls to her husband, who’s down the hall, but he just waves a hand passively behind him then enters a bedroom and shuts the door.

“It’s not mean if what I broke was stupid to begin with,” Azula sticks her tongue out at her brother. “Why would you want stupid, dirty shells anyway?”

“Azula, go to your room,  _ now.” _ Ursa’s voice is stern and dark, unlike anything Azarin has ever heard from her. Immediately, Azula prances off down the hallway to her room.

Azarin starts rummaging through the broken glass and shell pieces to try and salvage any of the pretty shells he and Zuko found. Zuko joins him while Ursa tries to work around them to clean up the mess, but Azarin ends up cutting his hand on a piece of glass. It hurts, but he tries not to cry, because if Azula sees or hears him then she’ll make fun of him later. Azarin hates when Azula makes fun of how much he cries.

“I’m gonna get her back, Rin, don’t worry,” Zuko says while Ursa bandages Azarin’s hand. His mother smacks Zuko’s wrist with two of her fingers.

_ “No _ you’re not, Zuko,” she says, sounding a little defeated. “Azula is jealous that you spend all your time with Azarin and don’t invite her. I wish the three of you could play  _ together, _ but I guess that’s too much to ask for, hm?”

Azarin blinks up at Ursa as she finishes caring for his hand. “I’m the problem?”

Her eyes get wide and Ursa immediately wraps her arms around Azarin. “No, no, Azarin, that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry...it’s been a stressful day.” She pulls back and smiles warmly, but it doesn’t feel as genuine as it normally does, to Azarin. “Why don’t you boys go back down to the beach and get some more shells to replace these broken ones? I’ll deal with Azula. And don’t get sand in your cut, Azarin!”

Ursa pushes them out of the house quickly and Azarin doesn’t have time to process the tears he thinks he sees in her eyes.

“Azarin? Are you coming?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Uh, earth to Azarin...you coming?”

Aang’s voice brings Azarin back into the present, but he doesn’t turn to look at the Avatar. His eyes stay locked out of the window, down to the beach, where Zuko and Sokka are sparring while Katara and Suki watch. He lets out a sigh, rubbing his thumb over his palm. “Where’s Toph?”

“She’s in the back waiting for us,” Aang responds, hesitantly. As if on cue, the sounds of rocks smashing together comes from the back of the house. The Avatar steps to Azarin, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay? You’ve been really out of it ever since we got here…is it Zuko?”

Azarin finally turns his attention to Aang, who’s looking up at him with worry glistening in his gray eyes. “I don’t know. Being here is bringing up a lot of memories I’d forgotten about.”

Aang nods. “Bad ones?”

“Not necessarily…” Azarin leans back against the window he’d just been looking out of. The thought that’s in his mind has been rattling around for a few days now, and he wants it to go away. Maybe saying it will do that. “I think…I think this is where I fell in love with Zuko. Like, when I realized I was in love with him. We came here every summer, but the very first summer we ever did, Zuko and I spent a lot of time alone together. Now that I think back on it, the only reason we did is because Ursa and Ozai were having issues.”

Aang seems to think over Azarin’s words for a bit before he responds. “Do you mind me asking what’s been keeping you from being with him?” After asking this, Aang looks anxious and starts talking faster. “I mean, uh, it’s just that you seem to be thinking about him a lot, but you haven’t talked to him much since we got here and if Katara not trusting him was the only thing keeping you from it then—”

“Aang, calm down, I’m not upset that you asked.” Azarin says, patting Aang on the head while the Avatar lets out a sigh of relief. “I guess I’m just afraid, you know? I’ve wanted this for so long, and it’s finally able to  _ actually _ happen, but I just...what if it’s not what I thought it would be?”

“But...you love each other. Why make it complicated by overthinking it?”

Azarin opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. He honestly doesn’t even have a good response, because Aang is right. Azarin is overthinking and worrying when he shouldn’t be, but he just can’t keep himself from doing it. It’s like now that literally  _ everything _ is out in the open, and he and Zuko can actually try to be something more than friends, Azarin can’t stop himself from being afraid of what he feels for Zuko. He wants to be able to think clearly enough to make some kind of decision, but every time he tries he gets swept up in memories from being on Ember Island and then he feels like he’s still that little boy that’s terrified to tell Zuko how he feels. He isn’t that little boy anymore, not at all, but being back here makes him feel like it for sure.

_ “Twinkle toes and fire feet! _ Are you guys gonna get out here and train with me or am I gonna have to drag you?” Luckily for Azarin, Toph comes stomping through the house to find them, and he gets to ignore his feelings for a little while longer while the three of them train together.

Later, when everyone is sitting around a fire at the beach after dinner, Zuko comes down the path with fresh tea for everyone, which is honestly a great treat. Zuko’s tea skills get more and more like Iroh’s every day, if he’s being honest.

When Zuko is finished passing it out and has his own cup in hand while everyone goes back to talking, he stands a bit awkwardly off to the side, like he doesn’t know where to sit. Azarin wants to pretend not to notice, but he ends up looking between Zuko and where Katara is lying her head on his lap, realizing that she’s taking up much more space in the circle than she needs to. He sighs.

“Why don’t you come sit over here, Zu? Katara can move, since she’s being rude anyway.”

Katara, clearly offended, sits up and shoves Azarin’s shoulder a little. “How am I being rude by saying I don’t think this is the prettiest beach I’ve seen? You’re sentimentally attached.” Even though she’s arguing, she moves over and so does Azarin, making space on his other side for Zuko. The prince sits, even though he still looks a little awkward.

“I, uh, I don’t think it’s the  _ prettiest _ beach,” Zuko says, sipping his tea. “But it is very special. To me and Azarin, at least.”

Azarin nudges Zuko with his elbow a little, trying to keep his heart from racing at the prince’s proximity to him. “I’m not sure why it’s so special to  _ you, _ but I had my first kiss here. This where I realized Azula was fucking insane, too. Among other things.” His eyes go to Aang, who’s trying his best to give a sultry look but it just turns out  _ bad. _ Azarin has to stifle a laugh.

“Oh, yeah, you kissed that Ru kid here, right?” Sokka asks, and Azarin nods, about to respond, but Zuko shifts a little beside him.

“Ru was your first kiss?” The prince sounds startled, eyes wide as Azarin nods. Zuko stands abruptly, dropping his tea. “I...I think Azula figured that out.”

Rolling his eyes, Azarin pulls Zuko back down by his wrist to sit next to him again. “We know, dummy. She paid his family and used him to manipulate me into going on a date with him so he’d get me alone. Then she showed up and tried to kill me. Didn’t you wonder how her hands got burned?”

Zuko stares at the fire in front of them for a moment. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. “She said father punished her for something, but she wouldn’t tell me what. She had one of the waterbenders they keep in prison heal her. I swear I...I had no idea she was going to find Ru and use him like that…”

“So you  _ weren’t _ aware that she told Ru he could have sex with  _ you _ if he did it?” Sokka’s bluntness makes everyone a little uncomfortable, but especially Zuko. He looks up at Sokka with his eyes wide, shaking his head slowly, but all Sokka does is shrug. “Hey, there was no way you could have known then. Don’t beat yourself up, bud.”

Suki smacks Sokka in the chest pretty harshly. “You could be a little more sensitive, Sokka.”

“Well, moving on from  _ that,” _ Azarin says, loudly, because Zuko looks like he wants to bury himself completely in the sand. Trying not to think too much about it, Azarin acts on instinct and moves his hand to rest on Zuko’s knee for a little reassurance. “Ember Island is a special place for people of the Fire Nation. It’s said that each visit, you learn more about yourself and shed more of your outer shell, revealing the true you, all the way down to the tiniest embers.”

“The only shells I feel like shedding are my clothes, since it’s  _ way _ too hot during the day here.” Katara points out, and Azarin smiles.

“I don’t think anyone here would complain about that, actually,” Azarin says this and adds after a moment, “Except Sokka.”

The blush in Katara’s cheeks is cute, and she elbows him in the side. “Shut up. You’re stupid.”

“I agree with Azarin,” Aang chimes in, with his entire face a deep shade of red. Azarin is shocked, honestly, because Aang  _ never _ openly flirts with Katara even after he kissed her before the invasion. If he’s being honest, he’s proud of the kid.

Toph, making an irritated sound, stands up and starts walking back up the path toward the house. “Ugh, I  _ hate _ teenagers. I’m going to bed. Have fun, guys.”

When Toph is gone, Katara leans over closer to Azarin and lowers her voice a little. “What does she think teenagers do, exactly? Just make out with each other or something?”

Azarin shrugs. “I mean, she doesn’t exactly have a good selection to go off of. Sokka and I used to suck face all the time, now he’s doing it with Suki, Aang kissed you, and Zuko and I…” He trails off but stops himself before he says something he might regret.

“Zuko and you…?” Aang looks at him expectantly, and Azarin is starting to regret telling the Avatar  _ anything. _

Surprisingly, Zuko places his hand over Azarin’s, and Azarin hasn’t even realized he still has it placed on the prince’s knee. “I think -- uh -- what Azarin means is that we...he and I...just have a lot of issues.”

“What, like how you aren’t currently attached at the mouth?” To Azarin’s surprise, it’s Suki that says this. When he looks up at her she’s grinning and Azarin pulls his hand from Zuko’s to shoot a fireball at her. She just laughs as it dissipates before it reaches her. “I’m just calling it like I see it. You two need to quite literally  _ kiss and make up. _ Your angst is starting to rub off on Sokka, and I  _ don’t _ appreciate that, thank you very much.”

“Hey, I am not angsty!” Sokka counters, but then his face falls a little. “Am I?”

Suki leans over and pats him on the cheek, then kisses the opposite one. “Let’s go find out.” She stands up and pulls an oblivious Sokka with her, and Azarin is actually super impressed with how Suki has managed to keep Sokka so tightly wound around her fingers. He adores her, and Azarin thinks it’s honestly the cutest thing.

Aang is the next person to get up, and Azarin is starting to think they’re doing it on purpose at this point. “Suki has a point. Just kiss and make up, guys!”

“Yeah, or kiss and make out,” Katara adds, standing herself after pressing a soft kiss to Azarin’s cheek. “Either option is viable.”

“Where the fuck do you think  _ you’re _ going, huh?” Azarin says, trying to pull Katara back down next to him. She bends the cold tea Zuko had spilled out of the sand and smacks Azarin with it, then starts walking away with Aang.

“Have fun, you two,” Katara calls. Azarin now wishes he himself could be buried in the sand.

Zuko moves a little further away from him, to Azarin’s surprise. “I think they left us here alone on purpose.”

“You  _ think?” _ Azarin tries to hold off his sarcasm, but it comes out anyway. He’s nervous. He hasn’t been alone with Zuko since they were at the Western Air Temple. “Look, I know everything is squared away now, and the tension between us is--”

“Unbearable?” Zuko interjects.

Azarin sighs, and turns to face him. “That’s not what I was going to say, but sure. I just...I need time to process this, I guess. I don’t know.” He makes the mistake of looking into Zuko’s eyes, and finds all the pain and frustration there. He looks away almost immediately.

“It’s been  _ days, _ Azarin…” Zuko shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve been trying to give you space to figure it out because I figured that’s what you would want.”

“Thanks for that,” Azarin says, trying to smile, but he’s pretty sure it comes off sad.

“You’re welcome,” Zuko  _ actually _ smiles, and it sends Azarin falling into a pit of affection for the prince that he doesn’t think he’ll ever come back out of. “But...I can’t do this forever. I can’t wait forever.  _ I want you, _ Azarin. I want you so badly that I dream about you every single night, and I can’t do anything with anyone without thinking about how it might affect you. Are you gonna say you don’t feel the same way?”

Azarin had told Katara that Zuko is no longer his entire world, that he doesn’t  _ need _ Zuko like he used to think he does. He told her that wanting him now is just a curiosity. What a beautiful lie that was.

“Of course I feel the same way, Zuko.” Azarin’s voice is quiet, because he’s so utterly terrified of speaking these things out loud that he thinks something awful will happen if he does. “I’m just not ready to admit that yet. You  _ have _ to understand that I’ve waited for you to want me like this for so fucking long that I got used to waiting. I got used to the feeling of loving someone and not having them return it. I got used to constantly feeling pain, and it’s gonna be difficult to let that go, I think.”

“Why can’t we figure that out  _ together, _ Azarin?” Zuko leans forward and takes Azarin’s hands into his own and the contact mixed with the desperate look in the prince’s eyes is enough to make Azarin’s head spin. “I know I’ve caused you  _ a lot _ of pain, but I promise you that all I want to do is repair those wounds. Haven’t I proven myself to you enough yet?”

Azarin pulls his hands back before he does something he’ll regret. “It isn’t you, Zuko. You’re perfect. You  _ have _ proven yourself to me, ten times over, and you’ve even made my friends love you.” His heart is thumping hard, pounding in his ears, and Azarin doesn’t know why. He hates this. Why can’t he figure out how he feels? “Like I said...I just need some time to think, and process. I don’t adapt to change well. When I first changed sides, I spent a long time being upset with myself and keeping secrets and thinking about everything that happened. When I didn’t get enough time to think things out before something  _ else _ happened, I spiralled and lost it. Everything came out at once, to Katara, and  _ that’s _ when I told her how I felt about you. She still thought I had a crush on her.”

Zuko gulps back his anxiousness. “Shit…”

“Yeah. So, jumping into things isn’t something that’s good for me. Even though everything turned out fine with all that, it still freaked me out. I don’t want to get overwhelmed like that again, I don’t want to risk fucking up what we have.” Azarin lets out a long breath, then looks back up to Zuko, who’s smiling sweetly and nodding at him. That isn’t the reaction Azarin expects from him, but he’ll take it.

“I understand...even if I’m impatient, I understand.”

Azarin actually chuckles a little. “You’ve  _ always _ been impatient, Zu.”

“Hey, I’m getting better,” Zuko turns his gaze back to the fire for a moment, then stands up, stretching his arms up and yawning. “I’m gonna head to bed, too I guess. I’m glad we talked, Azarin.” The prince places a hand on Azarin’s shoulder gently, and the tips of his fingers just barely slide against the skin of Azarin’s neck when he pulls away. Azarin thinks for just a split second that maybe... _ maybe _ Zuko did it on purpose.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Despite essentially pouring his heart out to Zuko in front of the fire that night, Azarin spends the next few days basically ignoring him. His resolve is breaking every single time he looks at Zuko, or their hands brush together, or Zuko hugs him. It’s excruciating trying to control himself, so he thinks it’s better to just...ignore it. Ignore Zuko, and Azarin can properly process how he feels without  _ distractions. _

The thing is, Zuko won’t give up. Either he can’t take the hint, or he doesn’t care to. Zuko sits next to Azarin at every meal, he practices firebending with Azarin and Aang any chance he can get, and he even somehow roped himself into helping Katara wash everyone’s clothes, which was Azarin’s job that he shared with her, so Azarin barely has any time alone with his best friend.  _ Someone _ is always there, and that someone is almost always Zuko.

It would upset Azarin, normally. If this were two weeks ago at the Western Air Temple, he wouldn’t think twice about putting Zuko in his place. But there’s something about being on Ember Island that makes Azarin just admire everything that Zuko does. It’s all he would ever do when they’d visit as kids, at least. Zuko would be amazing, and Azarin would admire him. Not much has changed since then, actually.

Azarin loses his mind today, though.

He’s sitting on the end of the dock, alone, trying to sort out his thoughts. He’s been here for quite a while, so he isn’t surprised when he hears someone walking up behind him. He half expects it to be Katara, but he knows better, judging by the last few days.

Zuko drops next to him, dripping water, and Azarin moves away, keeping his eyes in front of him. “Do you  _ have _ to sit so close to me when you’re  _ soaking wet?” _

“We’ve been swimming, and I want you to come join us.” The confidence in Zuko’s voice isn’t shocking, but it’s still just as attractive as it has been the last few days. “We can look for seashells, if you want.”

Azarin ignores the fact that Zuko remembers his favorite beach activity. “I’m busy. Sorry.” He stands and begins to walk off the dock, and he expects Zuko to give up, because that’s what’s  _ been _ happening every time he dismisses the prince lately. That isn’t what happens now.

“Why are you running from this?” Zuko’s words make Azarin stop in his tracks. His chest feels like it’s going to explode, his hands start shaking, and he doesn’t know how to respond. He doesn’t turn around, but he also doesn’t move forward anymore. Zuko continues. “I thought we left off on a good note the other night, but all you’ve been doing is brushing me off or just ignoring me completely. I know it isn’t personal, but it’s starting to upset me, Rin. You said you just needed time to process things, and I get that, but it feels like that’s not what you're doing at all. It feels like you’re running away.”

When Azarin finally turns around, Zuko is much closer to him than he expects. It throws him off a little, and he begins backing up slowly. “Please just leave me alone, Zuko.”

“No,” the prince responds, sternly and immediately. Azarin can see the quick rise and fall of Zuko’s bare chest, glistening in the light of the setting sun behind them. His eyes go up to find Zuko’s expression filled with determination as he takes more steps forward. “No, I’m not gonna leave you alone anymore. I’m not gonna let you run from this -- run from  _ us _ \-- anymore.”

Azarin’s breath is ragged. “I told you to just give me time and--”

“I’ve given you plenty of time,” Zuko cuts him off, and Azarin is viciously reminded of standing in the palace courtyard, yelling at Zuko that he isn’t waiting anymore. In retrospect, he guesses he deserves this. “And I’ve given you plenty of space. We shouldn’t have to wait anymore, Azarin. We’ve waited long enough...don’t you love me?” Zuko’s voice is desperate and pleading, and it breaks Azarin’s heart all over again. He looks away.

“Of course I do,” Azarin whispers, hoping Zuko doesn’t hear. He does.

“Then why can’t you tell me? You can say it to everyone else, you can tell them that you’re in love with me over and over again, but you’ve never once told _me,_ Azarin.” Zuko steps even closer, and Azarin continues to step back. “You’ve said you _were_ in love with me, you’ve said you’re _still_ in love with me, you’ve even said how hard it is to love me. But you’ve never directly _told_ _me_ that you love me. Why?”

This is the precise moment that Azarin, in fact, loses it.

He stops moving backward and steps directly to Zuko. His hands are clenched into fists and his voice is _much_ louder than the last time he spoke. “Because I’m afraid, Zuko. Is that what you want to hear? I am _fucking_ _terrified_ of what I feel for you. I always have been and that isn’t going to suddenly change just because _you’ve_ changed.”

“Why are you so afraid? What’s wrong with what you feel for me?” Zuko is standing confidently in front of him and Azarin shoves back the itching desire to grab him and kiss him, instead replacing it with anger, even if he doesn’t want to be that person anymore.

“Because, I don’t know, you could change your mind on a whim?” Azarin’s tone is venomous, but Zuko doesn’t falter, shockingly. “I don’t think anything you’ve done to me has fucked me up more than what you did in Ba Sing Se. You apologized to me for the way you’d been acting and then a few hours later, betrayed every single word you said. And you saved my life on top of it? How do you think I was supposed to process that, Zuko?”

Zuko’s wet hair is still dripping down onto the wood of the dock, but the prince pushes it out of his face and for once, it stays. “You know just as well as I do that I am  _ not _ that person anymore. I was confused, Azarin. I’m not anymore. I’ve been  _ here, _ with you and your friends, proving that you can trust me at every turn, but  _ you’re _ still living in the past. Why can’t you let go of that pain?”

“Why are  _ you _ asking so many damn questions?”

“Because the person I love is running away from how he feels, and I want to know  _ why.” _

Azarin stares. He wants to cry, but he’s shaking with what feels like so much anger that the tears just don’t come. Why can’t Zuko understand? Why can’t he just be left alone to sort out his thoughts? Would he ever even come to a conclusion if he  _ were _ left alone? He doesn’t know. All Azarin knows is the feeling in his chest is getting bigger the more he stares at Zuko, but he’s starting to think it isn’t anger. It’s fear.

“Fine,” Azarin says. His breathing is heavy and his voice shakes and cracks. “I love you, Zuko. I fucking love you. I’ve loved you for what feels like my entire life. I barely remember what my life was like before you were in it.  _ I am in love with you, _ you stupid, arrogant, entitled,  _ beautiful _ pri--”

Azarin doesn’t get to finish that sentence. Zuko pulls him forward by his shirt, crashing their lips together, and Azarin feels like every nerve in his body lights on fire. He immediately brings his hands to hold Zuko’s face to his own as their lips move together. Azarin never thought kissing Zuko would feel this incredible, not after nine years of imagining it, not after everything they’ve been through together, but it does. It feels like the best thing that’s ever happened to him. It feels right.

Even though he started it, Zuko is the first to pull away, but he’s clutching onto Azarin’s clothes like he’ll melt into nothing if he lets go. They’re still so close that their breath is combining, and Azarin runs his thumb over the scarred skin underneath Zuko’s eye. He wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what it is. Zuko says it for him.

“I love you, too, Azarin.”

Azarin doesn’t respond. The only thing he does is smile, and kiss Zuko again.


	51. falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: finally // beautiful stranger - halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“We really need to go, everyone is already eating…”

Azarin  _ hears _ Zuko speaking, but is he  _ actually _ listening? Definitely not. He’s too busy with his mouth attached to Zuko’s neck, and his hands pulling apart Zuko’s clothes. Every single time he feels Zuko’s hot skin underneath his fingers, Azarin feels like his desire for the prince explodes and multiplies. He still feels like this is all a dream, that he’s going to wake up in his bed alone and have to call Sokka in to help him relieve himself again.

But it isn’t a dream. It’s the farthest thing from a dream. Zuko is here, in front of him, back against the wall and trying not to moan too loud from the pleasure of Azarin’s lips and tongue on his neck. Just the knowledge of that is enough to drive Azarin into a whirlwind of arousal, but in the back of his mind he knows Zuko is right; everyone is waiting for them to come out and eat breakfast. He sighs into Zuko’s skin.

When Azarin raises his head to look at Zuko, the prince looks disheveled as ever. His cheeks are flushed with color, hair in disarray, and his bottom lip is red from biting down on it, trying to keep sounds from escaping his mouth. Azarin thinks they don’t need food, they just need each other, because Zuko is  _ so fucking beautiful _ and he just wants to stay here, in this moment, staring at the prince.

“Let’s go before I kiss you again,” Azarin finally says, even though he brings his hand up to run his thumb over Zuko’s lips. The prince’s composure falters for a moment, knees giving out on him just slightly, and if Azarin doesn’t leave at  _ this very moment, _ he thinks they’ll never get out of this room all damn day.

Pulling his hand away, Azarin steps back, and Zuko slumps forward a little but stands straight again pretty quickly. He starts pulling his robes together, tying the sash around his waist tightly. “Did you  _ have _ to do this so early in the morning?”

Azarin shrugs, arms crossed over his chest as he watches Zuko flip his hair around, trying to fix it. “No, but are you complaining?”

Zuko doesn’t respond. They head out into the common area, where everyone else is at the table there, talking and eating. Even though he feels incredibly awkward, Azarin tries not to show it when everyone’s attention goes directly to him and Zuko. He pulls the prince by his hand to sit down next to him, with Katara of course on his other side.

“It’s about time you two got up,” Suki says with a smile. Azarin has to stifle a laugh.

“We weren’t sleeping.” Zuko elbows him in the side and so does Katara, and Azarin thinks this arrangement probably wasn’t the best decision.

“Gross!” Toph sounds off, sticking her tongue out in disgust. “I’m trying to eat, here.”

Ignoring Toph, mostly because he doesn’t want a rock in his forehead, Azarin gathers some food into a bowl as he addresses Aang. “So, are you ready for fire drills today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be!” The Avatar responds brightly. “But will it take a while? Katara wants to show me some new waterbending moves she’s been working on down at the beach…” Aang looks a little flushed after he says this, and when Azarin looks over at Katara, her eyes are glued into her bowl of food as she picks at it with her chopsticks. He rolls his eyes a little.

“Far be it from me to keep the Avatar from his girl,” Azarin responds. This earns him another elbow to his ribs, which actually seriously hurts this time. “Ouch! Katara, you don’t have to be so rude, jeez.”

_ “I’m _ rude?!” The waterbender exclaims. She smacks his arm and shoulder repeatedly. “You’re the one being an ass!”

They both stop and look over when they hear Sokka’s unbearably deep “dad” voice. “Children, stop fighting and go to your rooms!” He’s standing with his fists on his hips, looking entirely embarrassing. Katara and Azarin look at each other, then both use their bending to scare Sokka right back into his seat. Everyone (except Sokka) laughs.

After breakfast, Azarin and Aang head out to the back courtyard and do some warm up stretches and bending, while everyone sits under the shade of the walkway and watches. Katara and Zuko are sitting  _ next _ to each other, and if that isn’t strange enough, they’re  _ talking and laughing. _ Even though it’s been a few days since Azarin and Zuko started...whatever it is they’re in, and even longer since the prince earned Katara’s trust, he still isn’t used to seeing Zuko interact with her. Every time he sees them together, he half expects them to start arguing and get into a bending battle that he has to break up. That hasn’t happened yet, though, but Azarin is keeping an eye out.

Running through drills with Aang is easy. He’s a quick learner, and Azarin thinks he’s gotten the stubborn earthbender ways out of the Avatar’s system for the most part. Toph still likes for Aang to train with both earth and fire at the same time, just so he can learn how to be versatile in a fight, but Azarin actually agrees with her on that so there isn’t really an issue. Aang has turned into quite the formidable opponent, though. With how far the kid has come, Azarin thinks he could take down an army of firebenders alone, even without the Avatar State.

“Have you been doing hot squats before bed like I told you? Because it certainly doesn’t seem like it.” Azarin questions the Avatar after the second time he manages to take him down. He’ll never admit to having to put in all his energy and effort into doing it, though. “Hot squats. Now. And gesture drills.”

Even though Aang groans in disdain, he starts doing as Azarin asked. “Did you ever think you’re beating me just because you’re a  _ really _ good bender, Azarin?” Distracted with talking, Aang doesn’t realize that he’s using a little  _ too _ much fire in his gestures, and accidentally sets the walkway awning alight. Katara quickly pulls water from her bending skin to put it out, but glares at Aang, who shrinks into himself. “Whoops...sorry!”

“We’re training  _ you, _ not me, Aang. I’m not the one that needs compliments.” Azarin moves to Aang and positions his legs a little farther apart, so the squat strains more, but builds more muscle. “But I do have to say that you’ve come a long way since we first started, for sure. You’re a great firebender, mighty Avatar.” He pats Aang on the shoulder, smiling down at him, but Aang doesn’t break his focus again. He’s probably scared of accidentally hurting anyone.

“Give Aang a break from drills and hot squats, Azarin,” Zuko’s voice calls from the sidelines. Azarin looks over and sees the prince on his feet, walking toward him; he tries not to admire him too much because the others will  _ definitely _ ruin it for him. “Let him actually fight for once. That’s how  _ you _ got so good.”

Azarin’s eyes move to Aang, who’s still running through his drills. “I got so good because I had the Dragon of the West teaching me and the prince of the Fire Nation as a sparring partner.” He looks back to Zuko, then feels a soft hand taking his own into its grip. “We don’t have Iroh here to give us age-old bending wisdom anymore, and I’ve already made Aang read through all my firebending books. All that’s left now is muscling up before he fights Ozai.” He pauses a moment, eyes flicking back to Aang for a second. “I  _ really _ wish he ate meat…”

“That’s  _ never _ gonna happen!” Aang shouts, consequently sending some fire to where he and Zuko are standing, but it dissipates before it reaches them.

“I  _ know, _ Aang, I told you a long time ago I’m not gonna try to make you stop being a vegetarian,” Azarin rolls his eyes a little, then reaches back and pulls Aang to him by his arm, forcing him to stop drilling and squatting. “It would just be nice for you to actually be able to build some substantial muscle fairly quickly.”

“Mushrooms have just as much good stuff as animal meat,” Aang counters, looking defiant. “And I  _ have _ been building muscle! See?” The Avatar pulls up his sleeve and flexes the muscles on his upper arms, and Azarin has to admit that there’s more there than there was a few weeks ago. He shrugs, but before he can go to respond, someone calls from behind the three.

“I wanna see Zuko and Azarin fight,” Suki says, then clarifies, “Physically. We all know they can go round after round arguing verbally.”

“How is Zuko and Azarin fighting going to help Aang with training?” Katara questions, and the rest of them second it.

Suki’s expression turns a little smug. “I don’t know? Learning techniques? I just wanna watch them fight. They’re hot, and have a lot of tension between them. Who’s gonna complain?” As Sokka goes to raise his hand, Suki smacks it down. “Don’t even  _ start _ to lie like that.”

Azarin has to admit that he’s flattered, because he honestly has thought this whole time that Suki hates him or at the very least doesn’t like him because of his history with Sokka, but she’s just been extremely accepting and even supportive of him and Zuko getting together. Maybe helping her escape prison softened her up to him a bit.

“Honestly, as annoying as you guys are being about it, I’d like to see it too,” Toph chimes in with a shrug. “I can learn more about firebenders and how to fight them. Twinkle toes over there doesn't fight the same way a firebender does.”

At this point, Zuko is basically hiding behind Azarin, most likely to hide the blush in his face. Azarin pulls him out from behind him and shoves him forward with a smile. “Let’s go, then. Arrogant prince.”

“Azarin, I--” Zuko starts, but Azarin kicks some fire toward him that makes him shut up long enough to block it. Aang goes to sit down with Katara while Zuko steps back from Azarin far enough to start out the fight fairly. He looks up at Azarin after letting out a large breath.  _ “Don’t _ go easy on me.”

“I never do,” Azarin responds.

Zuko is the first to strike with a few punches of fire that Azarin easily dodges. He jumps to the side and builds a fairly large fireball in his hands, then kicks it harshly toward Zuko, who jumps over it to slash flames his way. Azarin has to bend back on his legs to prevent himself from getting burned, and he’s thinking about how different Zuko is fighting now compared to nearly a year ago, when they were confined to the ship. Azarin doesn’t know how to describe it, but the feeling of pride that realizing it brings to his chest makes him smile.

They go like this for a while, with some cheers from the sidelines, until Azarin eventually ends up backing Zuko into the corner of the courtyard. His back is pressed against one of the wooden pillars as he blocks Azarin’s attacks, but he has no chance of producing any fire himself because of how quickly and repeatedly Azarin is attacking. To win the fight, though, his back has to hit the ground, so Azarin devises a plan. A horrible one.

He stops attacking. Zuko staring at him in disbelief gives him just enough of a window to move closer. Azarin plants his hands on Zuko’s chest and presses him up against the pillar even more, then kisses him hard and deep. Zuko actually lets out a sound of satisfaction into his mouth despite the disgusted sounds coming from Toph and laughter from everyone else. Azarin begins sliding his hand down Zuko’s arm slowly, but Zuko catches on pretty fast. Without separating their lips he raises his hand and sends fire from it as he starts to slash it down toward Azarin, but Azarin is just as quick. He shoves Zuko’s hand away, without separating from him, effectively sending the fire into the air, then uses both his hands to grab onto Zuko’s wrist. Azarin pulls Zuko around him and shoves him down.

The prince’s back hits the ground harshly and he lets out a sound of pain, but everyone is cheering so loud that Azarin barely hears it. He’s actually smiling, because even as difficult as it was to beat Zuko this time, he still  _ beat Zuko _ in a fight. Maybe not in the most fair way, but in Azarin’s mind it still counts.

“That was not a fair fight at  _ all, _ Azarin. You can’t just  _ kiss _ someone you’re fighting,” Zuko says this as Azarin is helping him up. Being the little shit that he is, Azarin grips Zuko’s shirt and burns it to embers, being careful not to burn the prince’s skin in the process. Zuko raises his voice. “Hey! What was that for?!”

“What’s not fair is how good you’ve gotten,” Azarin responds, still smiling. “You look better without a shirt. It’s hot, anyway.” His eyes wash down Zuko’s now exposed front. He thinks this was a  _ great _ decision, even if Zuko doesn’t agree.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After an exhausting morning, Azarin and Zuko go for a walk along the beach while everyone else now watches Aang and Katara practice waterbending. Zuko still doesn’t have any clothing covering his top half, but Azarin would be the absolute  _ last _ person to complain about something like that.

“I could really use a nap,” Zuko says, mid-yawn. His hand is brushing against Azarin’s as they walk, so Azarin takes the opportunity to lace their fingers together. He lets himself enjoy the contact, savoring the way that Zuko’s hand fits perfectly with his own. He smiles.

“You can’t nap,” Azarin speaks firmly, even though he’s halfway joking. “In a few weeks, the entire world is going to change, and we probably won’t see each other this often. Why waste that time sleeping?”

Even though he’s smiling softly, Zuko’s voice quiets. “What’s gonna happen when the war actually ends?”

The question is simple enough, but also heavy. While Azarin knows they’ve only been together a few days, he also knows that it’s a very valid inquiry considering they just spent the majority of the morning training Aang to fight Zuko’s father. They have to have this discussion at some point, but Azarin doesn’t want the blissful first stage of their relationship to come to an end, or be tainted by worry or sadness. He just wants to enjoy his time with Zuko.

“Well, you’ll become Fire Lord, for one,” Azarin starts, letting out a shaky breath. He doesn’t want to think about these things, but he knows they have to. “Hopefully you can get rid of that stupid law and we can be together publicly. I’m not sure if I’d be able to live at the palace permanently, though. It...wouldn’t look good for you, unless we were married.”

Zuko squeezes Azarin’s hand as they walk. “I really don’t think I’d make a good Fire Lord. You should do it instead of me.” This coming from Zuko, the prince that fought tooth and nail for three years to restore his honor so he could have his place back as first in line to become Fire Lord...it’s shocking to say the least. Azarin has to process it for a moment before he responds.

“As sweet as that is, Zu, I can’t exactly become Fire Lord. Not only am I not a member of the Royal Family, but I’m a spellbender. There is no fucking way the Fire Nation is going to allow a spellbender to run their country.” He pauses for a moment, letting himself think about the possibility of being Fire Lord. It’s appealing, but Azarin knows it isn’t his destiny. It’s Zuko’s...it always has been. “If you turn it down, they’ll give it to Azula, and then there’d be no point in Aang defeating your father because she’ll just continue the war.”

“So getting married is the only way to make sure you’re able to stay with me?” Zuko sounds desperate and sad, and Azarin doesn’t blame him really, if he’s being honest. “I’m sorry if this is too much too soon...I just...now that I have you, I don’t ever want to risk losing you. What if we’re met with so much friction from the Fire Nation government that it tears us apart?”

At this, Azarin stops and turns Zuko to face him, taking the prince’s face in his hands and looking into those soft, worried amber eyes. “That will  _ never _ happen, Zuko. I have waited far too long to have you for the fucking government to push us apart. We’ll figure this out.”

Zuko presses their lips together, soft and brief, but it sends sparks flowing through Azarin’s veins for the slightest of moments. “So, when I become Fire Lord, I immediately abolish that law, we get married, and what then? What will you do?”

“I’m not sure…” Azarin says this as he kisses Zuko’s forehead and they start walking along the shoreline again. “I know I want to help Aang restore balance to the rest of the world. I don’t feel like our job will be done just because the war ends...there’s still a lot of damage to undo, and as a representative of the Fire Nation, I can try to alleviate hostilities, I suppose.”

“So you’ll be gone? With Aang?” Zuko sounds upset. Azarin slides their fingers together again.

“I mean, maybe? But I don’t have to go alone, Zuko. You can come with us. You  _ should _ come with us.” He really doesn’t know if any of this will work or will even happen, but he has to try and ease Zuko’s mind somehow. The prince is worrying far too much about things that haven’t even happened yet. “If the world sees the current Fire Lord out helping repair the damage the Fire Nation has caused over the last hundred years, it’ll help ease people’s minds about you. You have the same lineage as the last three Fire Lords and I’m sure that even though you’re helping put an end to the war, people will still have reservations about you. You can help prove them wrong.”

To Azarin’s surprise, Zuko laughs, albeit a little darkly. His eyes are on the sand at their feet, and his voice is lower when he speaks. “Will I ever stop having to prove myself?”

“You never  _ have _ to prove yourself. You’ve gotta stop putting that pressure on your own shoulders, Zuko. You’re going to prove you’re a better Fire Lord than everyone else in your family, and you’re going to do it effortlessly just by being yourself.” Hopefully Zuko understands just how much Azarin believes this. After seeing Zuko change and become the complete opposite of who he used to be, the opposite of everyone in his family...Azarin knows he’ll make an incredible Fire Lord.

“What if I can’t?” Zuko asks, stopping mid-stride. Azarin steps in front of him and the prince looks up at him, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “What if it’s too much? What if I fail?”

Azarin shakes his head, lifting Zuko’s chin with a finger. “Remember what you told Sokka at the prison? You can’t give up just because you think you might fail, and being Fire Lord means you’re  _ going _ to make mistakes but it also means you’ll learn from each one.” Sliding his hands down Zuko’s sides, Azarin rests them at the prince’s hips, pulling him closer. “I’m not just saying these things because I’m in love with you, either. I’m saying them because they’re true. I’ve watched you turn from someone desperate to prove they’re worthy of the throne, into someone more worthy of being Fire Lord than anyone I’ve ever seen. You can do it, Zuko. I  _ know _ you can, and I’ll be there with you to help with whatever you need.”

Zuko is actually smiling up at Azarin, but he doesn’t respond. Azarin’s lips turn up into a smile, too, just before he leans down to capture Zuko’s own softly. It turns from soft to passionate quickly, as most things do with them, if Azarin is being honest. Azarin ends up slowly pushing Zuko toward the rocks beside them, and when Zuko’s back hits the stone, Azarin’s hands move up his bare skin to twist into the back of the prince’s hair.

Every kiss Azarin shares with Zuko feels like the first one all over again. Azarin’s nerves light on fire and he can’t get enough of touching Zuko’s skin, can’t get enough of touching Zuko, feeling Zuko, kissing Zuko. He just can never get enough of Zuko.

When Zuko starts digging his fingers into Azarin’s shoulders and rolling his hips forward to get friction, Azarin wants to rip the rest of the prince’s clothing off and  _ have _ Zuko, all to himself, right there. But he knows that no matter what he wants or how much he wants it, they aren’t ready for it yet, and Azarin wants everything to be right when that happens. He wants everything to be perfect, because Zuko is perfect, and that’s what he deserves.

“So, getting married, huh?” Azarin says this against Zuko’s lips, then kisses him again briefly. “You sure you’re okay with that?”

Zuko nods immediately. “I mean, we’ve only been together for a few days at this point so it sounds dumb, but...I don’t want to be apart from you, Azarin. Not again. If that’s what it takes, then that’s what we’ll do.” Zuko’s fingers start running through Azarin’s hair gently while Azarin himself presses his body even closer to the prince, if that’s even possible.

“Prince Zuko,” Azarin starts, smiling against Zuko’s lips. “Are you asking me to marry you?”

Zuko’s body stiffens. “What? No, I...it’s purely for practical reasons, Azarin, you need to be able to live at the palace and I--” The prince’s anxious voice rambles on, but Azarin presses their lips together to shut him up.

“We can figure it out later,  _ stop worrying.” _

Zuko nods, and they kiss again.


	52. honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: moonlight - exo [click for english translation.](https://lyricstranslate.com/en/moonlight-%EC%9B%94%EA%B4%91-moonlight.html-1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode seventeen: the ember island players
> 
> cw: the hint of smut if you squint
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“You’re definitely avoiding me,” Azarin calls after Katara. She’s walking away from him after he offered to help her clean up the mess in the kitchen, and she’d denied him, telling him to go spend time with Zuko. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, and he has a feeling it won’t be the last.

Katara turns, with linens in her hands, giving him a pointed look. “How can I avoid you when we spend so much time together, Azarin? We see each other every day.”

“Really? You’re gonna lie to  _ me _ of all people?” Azarin steps forward and lights the lamps hanging from the ceiling in the hallway. “We may see each other every day, but you’ve been avoiding having conversations with me. Every chance we get to be alone, you’re telling me to go spend time with Zuko. I spend  _ all _ my time with Zuko...I don’t mind sacrificing some of it for my best friend.”

Katara sighs, shaking her head before she turns to start walking down the hallway again. “I have things to do, Azarin. Aang is waiting for me to give him the laundry. We can talk later.”

Azarin’s anger spikes. He runs in front of her and puts a hand to her chest to stop her from moving any further. “The thing is, we  _ won’t _ talk later, because you’ll avoid me again. So we’re gonna talk  _ now, _ Katara.”

“Now? When I have dirty napkins in my hands?” She scoffs and tries to move around him, but Azarin stops her and grabs the linen from her hands, setting it on fire and dropping the embers to the ground. Katara starts to protest but he cuts her off.

“Now you’re not busy. Let’s go.” Azarin grabs her wrist and pulls her through the kitchen and outside to the courtyard. He sits on the edge of the dried out fountain and pulls Katara down next to him even though she huffs. “Talk. Or I’ll go all Fire Nation on you and burn your hair off.”

Katara sighs, shaking her head. “Azarin, I told you, there’s nothing to talk about. Why are you trying to force me to talk to you?” She seems extremely nervous, and she’s successfully moved a little away from him on the edge of the fountain.

Azarin rolls his eyes, standing up and turning to face her. “Because there is  _ something _ going on that you’re not telling me about. You usually talk to me about everything, Katara, what happened?”

_ “Ugh, _ what do you think happened, Azarin?!” Katara stands, too, finally getting frustrated. Azarin is fine with it, so long as she’s talking. “You’re not this stupid. I know you’re not. Figure it out.”

“No, I’m not stupid, but I also can’t read your fucking mind, Katara. Obviously it has something to do with Zuko, but since you won’t talk to me at  _ all, _ then I have no clue how to fix what’s wrong.” Azarin shakes his head and he can feel his hands heating up, but he pushes his bending back because he doesn’t want to end up hurting Katara. She’s just being frustrating at the moment. “Am I spending too much time with him? Did he do something to make you not trust him again? Did you lie and you never even trusted him to begin with?”

Katara makes a frustrated sound, hands gripping the sides of her head for a moment. “Stop...just stop. We aren’t talking about this, Azarin. I’m not gonna be selfish, I’m not gonna make you hate me, just...give me some time, okay?”

“We don’t  _ have _ time, Katara,” Azarin responds. His voice is stern as he locks eyes with her. “Sozin’s comet is a few weeks away. I don’t want to be fighting with you that whole time, I don’t want you to avoid me for what could be our last weeks together.”

They stare at each other for what feels like hours, and eventually Katara’s eyes fill with tears that she lets flow down her cheeks freely. Azarin wants to hold her and tell her everything is okay, that she doesn’t have to talk if she doesn’t want to, but he can’t lie to her. He’s been pretty irritated for a while at how much she’s been avoiding him, and it makes him even more upset that she’s still trying to do it now that he’s confronting her about it. He wants to comfort her, but he’s too upset to.

“I’m jealous, okay?” Katara barely whispers this and her eyes move to stare at the ground. Azarin honestly can’t believe what he heard.

“You’re...jealous?” He questions, taking a step forward and shaking his head. “Why? Because you haven’t confronted your feelings for Aang yet? Katara--”

“Not because of Aang,” she interrupts, wiping the tears from her face. “I’m jealous of Zuko. And no, I’m not secretly in love with you, stupid.”

“Because  _ that _ was my first thought for sure,” Azarin quips, even though Katara ignores him.

“I’m jealous because Zuko is your world now. You’ve waited half your life to have him like you do now, and I guess I’m just...I’m afraid I’m going to be left behind. I’m afraid I’m gonna be a stepping stone in your journey to get to  _ him, _ and that’s just not how I wanted us to end.” Katara sounds sad, and defeated, and it breaks Azarin’s heart. He hates that he couldn’t see how she was feeling until now, after he got angry with her for avoiding him. He wants to be able to finally have Zuko without hurting anyone else in the process, but he’s hurt the most important person in his life.

Azarin steps to Katara, taking her hands in his and lacing their fingers together tightly. “Who said we’re ending? Just because I have Zuko now doesn’t mean my friendship with you -- or with anyone else -- has to end. Yeah, I’m spending a lot of time with him because  _ yes, _ I have waited half my fucking life to be with him and I don’t want to waste even a single second with him if I can help it.” When Katara’s face falls even more, Azarin lets go of her hands and wraps his arms around her tightly before he continues. “But...that’s just not realistic, not when I have so many other people I care about. Not when I have you, the one person who’s shown me that I can be more than an outcast from the Fire Nation, more than a prince’s best friend. Katara...I  _ never _ want to lose you. I never plan on it. I’ll  _ die _ before I ever lose you.”

He pulls back to look at her, his best friend, one of the only people in the entire world that understands him completely...and she has more tears in her eyes, but she’s smiling. “I just...I feel so selfish and stupid for feeling this way...my best friend is finally happy with the person he loves and all I can do is be angry and jealous about it because I’m insecure that he’s gonna leave me behind…”

“Katara, I don’t know the last time you checked, but you’re an  _ incredibly _ jealous person,” Azarin responds, smirk on his lips, and Katara shoves him away from her with a roll of her eyes. “Don’t feel bad because you care enough about me and our friendship to be afraid of losing it. That’s...that’s just about the  _ best _ reason to be jealous, if you ask me.”

The next thing Azarin knows, Katara’s arms are back around him and her head is underneath his chin. He presses a kiss into her hair just as she speaks. “I love you so much, Azarin. I never thought I could even  _ like _ someone from the Fire Nation, much less love them. But...you make me feel safe, and loved, and appreciated, and no one else has ever been able to do that for me. I’ve always had to be the person to do that for other people.” She squeezes Azarin tightly, then pulls back to look up at him, pushing his hair behind his ear and resting her hand against his jaw. “You make me feel free, and I can’t thank you enough for that…”

“I love you too, Katara,” Azarin responds, smiling brightly at her. “You deserve to feel all those things and even more. I’m glad I can help you as much as you’ve helped me. I know I’m not as good with words as you are but you mean so much to me and I just...I truly cannot imagine not having you in my life anymore. Zuko is  _ not _ taking me from you, in fact I need to talk to you about how annoying he is because he drives me insane sometimes. I mean, who spends  _ over an hour _ bathing by themselves?!”

At this, Katara actually laughs, but rolls her eyes. “Uh,  _ you, _ dummy.”

Azarin has an extremely sarcastic retort on his tongue, but he’s interrupted by Sokka’s shocked voice coming from beside them. “Hello?!” He exclaims, and both Katara and Azarin look over to see him and Zuko standing in the archway. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d accuse you two of making out! Poor Zuko…”

“Sokka, I’m fine,” Zuko says, sounding a little annoyed. Sokka ignores him.

“Look how upset he is thinking about it! Azarin,  _ how could you?!” _

“I will burn your tongue from your mouth if you don’t shut up, twerp.” Azarin shakes his head but steps away from Katara. He slides his hand down to hers, pulling her with him as he moves to plant a kiss on Zuko’s scarred cheek. “I’m gonna help Katara clean up and spend some more time with her, okay? I’ll see you in the morning, Zu.”

Zuko nods as a flush takes over his cheeks. “Sokka and I came up here to practice fighting with our swords, anyway.” It’s now that Azarin notices the sheath slung over Zuko’s shoulder, housing his dual swords. Smiling, Azarin runs his fingers through Zuko’s hair, wanting to stay and kiss him breathless, or at the very least watch him spar with Sokka...but he can’t, because he wants to spend time making Katara feel better much more than he wants any of that.

“I love you,” Azarin says, just as he steps away and pulls Katara with him. Zuko’s flush gets darker and he mouths the words back without saying them out loud, and Azarin is actually grateful that he doesn’t say it because Sokka starts making kissing faces and mocking them.

“Oh Azarin, I love you so much I could  _ die!” _ Sokka’s ‘Zuko voice’ is bad, as it always has been. “Zuko! You mean everything to me! I lo—” Before Sokka can finish, Katara pulls water from literally thin air, smacking her brother in the chest with it and making him fall down. He groans in pain as Zuko helps him up, then shouts at Katara and Azarin as they run away. “That was  _ extremely _ rude, Katara!”

Laughing, they both head back into the kitchen and start cleaning up. When they’re done, they take a barefoot walk along the beach, holding hands in silence. It’s nice to be apart from their loud group of friends, and Azarin is sure Katara feels the same way considering she’s the one that’s constantly parenting everyone. He loves his friends, but they truly can be a lot to deal with at times. He can’t imagine taking on a parenting role on top of it all...he doesn’t know how Katara does it.

“So, when are you gonna get with Aang?” Azarin poses the question extremely nonchalantly, and Katara smacks him in the chest. “What? He kissed you like over a month ago and you’re still acting like he’s just a friend.”

Katara sighs. “Because he  _ is _ still just a friend. I don’t know what or how I feel, and I don’t want to risk messing up our friendship just because I have fleeting thoughts about kissing him again. There’s a lot at stake, this isn’t the same as you and Sokka were. Aang  _ really _ likes me...I don’t want to hurt him.”

Nodding, Azarin lets go of Katara’s hand to drape an arm across her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side. “That’s reasonable. Although, I really don’t see the point in making it so complicated if you like each other. Aang told me that once, and a few days later I was making out with Zuko on the dock.” Again, Katara smacks him in the chest, but he laughs. “The kid is smart. And...he really isn’t so much of a kid anymore, either. He’s thirteen now and I think he’s grown the most out of all of us this past year.”

“I’m not disagreeing with that,” Katara responds with a shrug. “I just...I’m dealing with a lot — we all are — and romance is the last thing on my mind right now. We’re about to try to end a century-long war. Should I just be dating freely while that’s going on?” At this, Azarin just shrugs, and Katara lets out a sigh before continuing. “Plus, I’ve already helped you and Zuko get together and that’s enough romance for me for now.”

“Wait,” Azarin stops walking, shaking his head. Did he hear that correctly? “You  _ what? _ How did you help me and Zuko get together?”

“He still hasn’t told you?” Katara is actually  _ giggling _ and Azarin is going to smack the knowing smile off her face if she doesn’t start talking. “After we got back from our trip, when you were avoiding him, he came to me all sad and defeated because you wouldn’t talk to him. He thought I could help, and I did. I told him that you’re just running away from your feelings because you’re scared of it blowing up in your face like everything else has in your life, but if he’s serious about being with you then he should push you. And boy...did he deliver. He didn’t leave you alone for  _ days _ and it was so great. Oh, I told him to  _ accidentally _ touch you a lot if he could, too.”

Azarin shoves Katara a little, bending fire at her. She counters by bringing water from the ocean and pushing him back with it and when they’re done acting like children, he uses his bending to heat dry his clothes while he speaks. “I can’t believe you.  _ He _ shouldn’t have told me that,  _ you _ should have. You really told him to push me after I asked him for time to sort out my thoughts.” He shakes his head, going over the events of those few days in his mind. “And he  _ did _ touch me! He kept sliding his fingers against my hands and putting his hand on my knee and getting  _ extremely _ close to me when he shouldn’t have been...and I have  _ you _ to blame for all the confusion it caused me, huh?”

Katara nods, still smiling, her voice taking on a patronizing tone. “And you just folded like a piece of paper, didn’t you? Everything went just as planned. The day he kissed you, I was the one that told him he should go see you while he was wet and half naked. So,  _ really, _ I’m the one responsible for you and Zuko getting together.” Leaning forward, Katara taps a finger against Azarin’s chin, grinning wide. “You’re welcome.”

“You are…” Azarin shakes his head more, voice incredulous, but he’s smiling.  _ “...the most _ irritatingly frustrating, headstrong, stubbornly indignant person I have ever met. And I fucking love you for it.”

“Well thanks, I kinda like you too,” Katara responds, still smiling. She winks at him, then takes his hand in hers again to pull him alongside her as she walks next to the shoreline. When she speaks again, her tone is much less playful. “I really need to say I’m sorry for avoiding you. I feel terrible for it now...I should have known all along that you’d make me feel better if I just talked to you about how I was feeling.”

Azarin nudges Katara with his elbow a little as they walk. “Well, duh, you should have known that. But you were being stupid, so I’ll let it slide this time.” Katara rolls her eyes at him a bit, and they continue their night walk through the sand.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Zuko, I’ve told you a thousand times that these types of drills work better shirtless. Look at Aang, he’s the picture of firebending excellence.” Azarin gestures to the Avatar, who smiles brightly and waves his hands around in front of his bare chest. Azarin turns back to Zuko, eyeing him. “Would you like me to burn it off you?”

_ “No!” _ Zuko exclaims, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to keep his shirt safe. “You’ve burned too much of my clothing already!” He sounds like a child and it’s possibly the most adorable thing Azarin has ever seen, but then the prince is untying the sash from around his waist and his overshirt is sliding off of his shoulders gracefully. Azarin can’t help but stare, even as Zuko crosses his arms across his chest. “There. Can we get back to training? Even though now I feel insecure and awkward…”

Aang slaps a hand down on Zuko’s bare shoulder. “Why, Zuko? Your boyfriend is here to admire you! Nothing to feel awkward or insecure about there.” The three of them get back to lunge drills even though Zuko is shaking his head.

“That is  _ exactly _ why I feel awkward and insecure, Aang. I mean _...look _ at him. He’s muscley and hot and I’m...scrawny and scarred.”

“If you don’t shut up right now, I will lock you in your room until you admit that you’re attractive.” Azarin’s tone is serious even though he’s half joking, because Zuko absolutely needs to believe that he’ll do it. “And I’ll sing the Fire Nation anthem at the top of my lungs for hours on end outside the door, too.”

Aang laughs at this. “Ouch, Zuko, that sounds rough.”

“I didn’t hear a denial,” Zuko grumbles, and Azarin stops his drills to tell Zuko just how wrong he is, in very intimate detail, but Suki and Sokka interrupt them to let them know that there’s a play going on in town tonight, a play about all of them. It’s called  _ The Boy in the Iceberg, _ and it’s being put on by the Ember Island Players. When Zuko and Azarin hear this, they exchange a look and groan in distaste because those people are just terrible actors all around. But, they all decide to go, anyway. Azarin sees it as a chance for he and Zuko to have a first  _ official _ date, which inspires him to dress nicely and actually  _ do _ something with his hair for once.

Zuko apparently got the memo, though, because he looks nice, too. He doesn’t put his hair up like Azarin had, but he has on a deep red cloak with a hood that makes him seem mysterious and dangerous. Of course, Azarin knows that Zuko isn’t as dangerous and mysterious as he looks, but it’s nice to pretend...if only for tonight.

“After you, my liege,” Azarin says as he holds the door to the theater open for Zuko, bowing to the prince, who scoffs and shakes his head as he pulls Azarin up to wrap his arms around the other’s waist.

“I don’t know why you’re insisting on acting like this when all I wanna do is watch a play with you and our friends.” Zuko lets go of Azarin when a few of the other playgoers around them give him strange looks. He clears his throat, lowering his voice. “But maybe I should save the affection for when we’re seated and it’s dark and no one can see us…”

“Smart idea, considering it’s kinda illegal,” Toph chimes in, and while Azarin definitely agrees, he isn’t going to break character. He likes getting on Zuko’s nerves.

“But my liege, I  _ have _ to confess my love for you, even though I am but a lowly Captain’s son and you are a prince!”

“Let him know, Azarin, you  _ must!” _ Sokka adds, casting his arm over his face with a dreamy sigh at the end.

Azarin nods, clasps his hands together, and widens his eyes as they ascend the stairs toward their seats when Katara and Suki come back after buying their tickets. “Prince Zuko, I am in love with you! I want the whole world to know, even though our love is forbidden!”

“If you’re gonna play Katara, you should probably be, I don’t know,  _ a girl,” _ a passerby comments, then points to Suki. “She could do it better.” The girl walks off and they all stare at each other. Katara looks angry.

“Did she  _ seriously _ suggest that Suki could play me better than I could?” She scoffs out, as Azarin wraps his arms around her and leads her into the booth where their seats are. “And why did she even think you were acting like me to begin with? You were talking about being in love with Zuko…”

Azarin shrugs as they take their seats; Toph is on the other side of Katara, Zuko is on  _ his _ other side, and Aang is in the back bench with Sokka and Suki. As the show begins and the lights dim, Zuko leans into his side and Azarin smiles, wrapping his arm around the prince’s shoulders. He really thinks Zuko should show affection more, but the prince is so afraid of being seen or made fun of that he holds himself back most of the time. While Azarin wishes he wouldn’t, he also knows that Zuko has every reason to be afraid, considering they could be thrown in prison or put to death for simply holding hands.

The play is...bad. It’s  _ so _ bad. They’re all depicted horribly; the actor playing Azarin has on a wig that nearly reaches his legs, clearly meant to exaggerate how long Azarin’s hair is. Zuko’s scar is on the wrong side of his face and he constantly complains about not having his honor, Aang is played by a girl because of how agile he is, Katara cries and gives speeches about hope to an annoying level, and Sokka just wants to eat meat all the time. By the end of the first act, when Azarin is fighting his father, they’re all complaining about how bad it is.

“Oh,  _ come on, _ I do not sound that pretentious!” Azarin says this after the man playing him had exclaimed that he was becoming a traitor of the Fire Nation in the name of the Avatar, and completely tanks the fight with Zhao. Sure, Azarin had clearly lost that fight, but he put in a very large amount of effort before that happened. This guy just folded before anything big even happened. Azarin looks over to Zuko, tugging on the prince’s hood. “Do I ever sound as pretentious and arrogant as that guy?”

Zuko shakes his head with a smile, but before he can respond, Toph is speaking. “I mean, sometimes, yeah, fire feet.” Katara elbows the earthbender in the side. “Ow! I’m just being honest, here.”

_ “I made my choice, Zuko! I’m going to help the Avatar put a stop to the Fire Nation once and for all!” _

_ “After everything my father has done for you, you’d betray him this way?! You are no longer my friend, you’re dead to me! I won’t stop until I take you down, too, Azarin!” _

Giving each other pointed looks, Azarin and Zuko let out a collective sigh. “We’ve come a long way, huh?” Zuko speaks up, nuzzling his head into Azarin’s neck again.

“Sure have,” he responds, with a kiss to Zuko’s head.

The second act isn’t any better. In fact, it’s worse, because they play up Azarin’s need to be good and Zuko’s hatred of him. It honestly hurts a little to see all these moments played back to him like some sort of sick, overly dramatic nightmare, but Azarin definitely isn’t going to admit that out loud.

If he’s being honest, Azarin is curious how the playrite is going to approach how he screams to the world in Ba Sing Se about being in love with Zuko. Half of him expects it to be left out completely because of the law against it, but Azarin also wouldn’t put it past them to include it just as another way to demonize him like they’ve been doing this whole time, anyway. After a completely inaccurate and inappropriate interaction between Katara and Zuko, the fight between Aang, Katara, Azula, Azarin, and Zuko starts. He’s anxious.

_ “We should be together, Azarin! I’ll lift your banishment, you’ll become royalty, and you can be my brother’s friend again. Only a fool wouldn’t accept my offer!” _

_ “No, Azula! I don’t want to be just Zuko’s friend...I  _ **_love_ ** _ him and I don’t care who knows!” _

_ “You fool! You will die for your treachery! Zuko, my brother, kill him!” _

_ “I would love to, sister!” _

Well, at least they don’t know about how Zuko saved Azarin’s life that night. Who knows how horribly they’d paint the prince if they’d found that out. Azarin looks over to Zuko again; he’s sniffing and wiping tears from his eyes. Rather than embarrass Zuko by letting everyone know he’s crying, Azarin reaches over and places a hand on the prince’s cheek. He pulls Zuko up and presses their lips together, soft and brief, and Zuko smiles at him when they separate.

Again, the third act isn’t good, either. It’s just another bunch of inaccurate depictions of things that happened to them, and when the invasion comes, the people playing Azarin and Zuko hug each other and welcome each other easily. This actually makes Azarin laugh, because if only it had been  _ that _ easy.

After the invasion scene, they all expect the play to end, because nothing else has really happened since then. At least, nothing the Fire Nation would know about. They’ve been living in secret for a while, and unless they want to let the entire country know how Sokka, Azarin, and Zuko broke three prisoners out of the Boiling Rock, then the play  _ should _ be over. It isn’t.

Sozin’s Comet comes. Azula kills Azarin and Zuko, and Ozai kills Aang. This is apparently how people in the Fire Nation think things are going to happen, and it’s honestly terrifying. Azarin doesn’t like thinking about what’s going to happen in the next few weeks because it’s scary...they’re going to either come out on top or they’ll all die. He isn’t ready for that kind of chance, not when he’s finally getting everything he wants and he’s truly happy. He has something to lose, now. Something that he would be nothing without. It isn’t just Zuko...it’s love. The love he has for his friends and the love he has for Zuko are both equally important to him, and the risk of losing all of it, all at once, absolutely terrifies him from the inside out.

When they get back to the house, Azarin’s thoughts are still running wild. Zuko seems to notice, because as they crawl into bed together before Zuko eventually has to go back to his own room, the prince holds Azarin just a little more delicately than usual. Usually, Zuko is the one clinging to Azarin like he’d fall into an abyss without him, but Azarin’s mind is too rattled to even notice how the tables are just a little turned tonight.

“Do you wanna talk about it, Rin?” Zuko’s voice cuts through the silence and darkness around them. Azarin pulls him closer.

“What if one of us dies?” Azarin immediately asks, his voice a whisper. “What if we  _ both _ die? What if Katara dies?”

Zuko moves closer to him and Azarin can feel him shaking his head. “None of us are going to die. If we come close to it, we’ll leave. No one needs to die just because my father is a psychopath.”

This comment is actually amusing to Azarin. He starts to feel a little relief wash over him, his thoughts slowing. He is now constantly reminded how much Zuko’s presence and reassurance actually helps him when he’s stressed or upset, and he couldn’t be more grateful for it. “I just want everyone to be okay. I can’t imagine losing anyone...I don’t want to go through that. I thought I was losing my mind on a daily basis when I left you, and you were still alive.”

“Azarin,” Zuko says this a little harshly. He pulls Azarin on top of him and wraps his arms around the other’s neck. Azarin can just barely see the prince’s face in the darkness; there’s a small streak of moonlight coming through the window. “Nothing is going to happen to me. Okay? I promise.”

“You have no business making promises like that, arrogant prince,” Azarin responds with a smile, even though Zuko can’t see him. He closes the distance between them and captures Zuko’s lips with his own. The prince sighs into it, like he’s been waiting for it this whole time, and threads his fingers into Azarin’s hair. The sensation sends tingles down Azarin’s spine; when Zuko’s hands are in his hair like this, soft and gentle and needy, it’s like a switch flips in him. He automatically wants more.

Azarin deepens the kiss and uses a hand to run down Zuko’s side, his hip, his thigh, until he’s pulling Zuko’s leg up to rest around his hips. Zuko pulls away to let out a breathy moan as Azarin rolls his hips down into the prince’s own, which gives Azarin the opportunity to attach his lips to Zuko’s neck, working his way down to Zuko’s collarbone. He fumbles with the sash tied around Zuko’s waist but eventually gets it undone and pulls it away, pushing Zuko’s shirt apart to expose more of the prince’s skin for him to mouth across. Azarin does so happily, relishing in the small sounds of pleasure that Zuko continues to emit.

With his mouth attached to the skin of Zuko’s collarbone and his hips rolling down almost rhythmically into Zuko’s, Azarin thinks he might just lose every thought he’s ever had. Being with Zuko is distracting enough, but kissing Zuko, touching Zuko,  _ feeling _ Zuko...it’s almost too much all at once. Azarin can never get enough of the prince.

“You’re so beautiful,” Azarin breathes out the words into the skin of Zuko’s chest. He kisses lower and lower for a few moments before making his way back up to Zuko’s lips, crashing against them into a deep kiss. Zuko whimpers just slightly into Azarin’s mouth and grips his hair a little tighter, back arching up into Azarin’s body, hips rolling forward for friction. The pleasure this brings Azarin, even though both of them are still fully clothed, is almost embarrassing. He wants to rut against Zuko until he can’t take it anymore, he wants to pull needy whines and moans out of the prince for hours on end. His mind is hazed over with lust, but at the moment, he doesn’t care.

Zuko’s hands run down Azarin’s back as they continue to kiss, lips moving sloppy and languid against each other. The prince tries to pull Azarin down by the hips into him more, whining for more friction. “Azarin, please, I need you, I--” He’s cut off by Azarin gripping his wrist, because he had been snaking his hand between them and starting to rub his palm against Azarin’s hardening length through his pants.

Azarin plants Zuko’s hands above his head, pulling back from him to speak. “Not tonight, Zuko,” he says, voice weak even though he’s extremely sure of his words. Zuko whines again, hips bucking up, and Azarin thinks he might just give in this time. His lips brush down the prince’s neck. “Why do you have to be so fucking tempting all the time, hm?”

“Why do  _ you _ have to keep teasing me like this?” Zuko throws his head back into the bed, exposing his neck and letting out a frustrated sound. “Just _...touch me, _ Azarin. I need it. I need  _ you.” _ Zuko emphasizes his point with another roll of his hips. Azarin’s self control is slowly crumbling, but he tries to pull himself together by repositioning himself a little. He also brings a hand down to wrap loosely around Zuko’s neck.

“I have my reasons, and you need to respect them, got it?” Azarin squeezes a little harder at the end of his sentence, and when Zuko nods, he smiles. “Thanks. Now get out of my bed before I fuck you.” He lets go of Zuko and sits up, trying to ignore the obvious bulge in Zuko’s pants, and the one in his own, too.

It’s not that he doesn’t  _ want _ to do anything with Zuko, because that’s probably the one thing he wants most in the world at the moment. Azarin just isn’t ready for the full thing yet. He doesn’t know why, but he does know that if he and Zuko get into anything remotely too sexual that he won’t be able to hold himself back, and he would most likely regret the timing of it. He doesn’t want to regret anything about it, even down to the timing, so Azarin will wait. It doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult, though.

“Why are you saying that like it isn’t  _ exactly _ what I want?” Zuko huffs out, pulling his shirt together again. He runs a hand through his hair, and now that Azarin’s eyes have adjusted to the darkness, he can see much more of Zuko than he could before. He stands by his earlier statement; Zuko is beautiful.

“I know it’s what you want, Zu. You remind me of that just about every day.” Azarin lets out a breath, then takes in another, trying to steady himself. He stands, pulling Zuko with him and pressing a kiss to the prince’s forehead. “You trust me, right? Then trust that I have good reasons to wait. Believe me, I want it too. You’re…” He doesn’t exactly know where he was taking that sentence.

“I’m…?” Zuko says, smiling a little.

Azarin shakes his head, then starts pushing Zuko toward the door. “Going to your own room. That’s what you’re doing.” Once out of the door and in the dim light of the hallway, Azarin looks Zuko over and can’t help himself when he pulls the prince into another deep kiss. When they pull apart, Azarin smiles. “I love you. Goodnight, Zuko.”

“I love you, too,” Zuko responds with his own smile in tow, then lets their fingers slip from each other as he starts to back away down the hall. “Even if you’re a tease.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAACK and i've missed writing so much omfg i can't believe this is almost 6k words but at the same time I had a lot to make up for...
> 
> i can't wait to get to the next main plot point y'all are gonna love it<3


	53. evolving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: be kind - marshmello & halsey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode eighteen: the phoenix king
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin doesn’t think he has ever trained or helped someone else train as much as he does over the next week and a half. He’s gotten so used to waking up early and meditating with Aang that even on days when the Avatar sleeps in, Azarin is still up and in the courtyard by the time the sun is rising, and starving by the time breakfast is ready. Sometimes, on very rare days, he can drag Zuko with him if he pushes enough. The irony of Azarin pulling Zuko out of bed to meditate and train, after years of Zuko doing it to Azarin, is not lost on either of them.

Today, however, Azarin is the one to sleep in. His body and muscles are sore from an intense sparring session with Toph the night before, so he leaves Aang’s training in the capable hands of Zuko while he rests. Sozin’s Comet is three days away, which means they have four days to get Aang to a place where he feels comfortable fighting Ozai. Maybe they could wait longer to give Aang more time to master firebending, but they’re already waiting until after the comet comes, and Azarin doesn’t think they should wait any longer than that.

When Azarin finally gets out of bed, he finds everyone down at the beach having fun. He expects to see Zuko and Aang off somewhere training, especially with how adamant Zuko has been lately about Aang defeating his father, but Zuko is nowhere to be found. Aang is putting the finishing touches on a sand sculpture of Appa, Toph is practicing sandbending, Katara is using waterbending to help her surf on the waves, and Sokka and Suki are lounging on a blanket together. No Zuko, or any sign of him.

“It’s about time you got up!” Toph says when she notices him. He punches her in the shoulder and she kicks sand at his legs, which makes him laugh and wrap his arms around her in a brief hug. She always manages to make him feel like a kid again.

“Anyone mind telling me where my boyfriend is?” Azarin asks, loudly, trying not to sound too frantic or panicked because he just  _ knows _ Sokka will make fun of him for it.

From beside him, Toph shrugs. “Haven’t seen him since earlier when he was making Aang train like a lunatic.”

“He’s probably off somewhere brooding. You two have that in common,” Sokka comments, waving his hand toward Azarin passively, then pointing behind him to a giant monster-looking piece of sand art. “Look at my portrait of Suki!”

Before Azarin can comment on how atrocious and offensive it is, the entire thing is destroyed by a stream of fire as Zuko jumps over the rock ledge behind it. He starts attacking Aang, forcing the airbender to flee quickly. Immediately, Azarin follows them and tries to stop Zuko; he doesn’t have time to wonder what’s happening, but he knows he can’t let Zuko hurt Aang. The prince would never forgive himself, no matter what crazy thing might be going through his head at the moment.

“Zuko, what the hell are you doing?!” Azarin calls, sending fireballs toward him that Zuko avoids. “Stop! Zuko,  _ stop!” _

With an intensely angry look on his face, Zuko turns to glare at Azarin and attacks him. “I’m teaching him a lesson!” As if that’s some kind of detailed explanation good enough to deter Azarin, Zuko goes back to chasing after Aang and sends large blasts of fire after the Avatar.

Azarin doesn’t want to hurt Zuko, but he has to do  _ something _ to keep the prince from hurting Aang. Zuko is quick, faster and more agile than tall and heavy Azarin, so he easily outruns Azarin. Zuko sets trees on fire in his attempts to attack Aang, and they end up back at the house, destroying things until Aang finally attacks Zuko in return with airbending. Azarin has only just made it up the stairs to the attic when he sees Zuko flying down the hall and into the wall, breaking it apart and falling down into the ground below.

Azarin tilts his head to the side as he gives Aang a stern look. “Did you  _ have _ to blast him through the damn wall?”

“He was gonna burn down the whole house! What else was I supposed to do?!” Aang exclaims this and then moves to jog past Azarin, but grabs the older boy’s wrist to pull him out of the now giant hole in the attic wall. They land gracefully thanks to Aang’s airbending, and after hearing what Aang said, something clicks in Azarin’s mind; he knows why Zuko did this.

“What’s wrong with you?! You could have hurt Aang!” Katara, surrounded by everyone else, is glaring at Zuko as the prince tries to pick himself up off the ground.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with all of  _ you!” _ Zuko stands, fists clenched by his sides. “How can you sit around having beach parties--”

Azarin sighs, pulling his wrist from Aang’s grip and stepping toward the prince. “Zu…”

“--when Sozin’s Comet is only  _ three _ days away?!”

_ “Zuko,” _ Azarin says. Zuko’s eyes go to him and his expression softens. “Aang isn’t fighting Ozai before the comet.”

Zuko blinks in disbelief. “What?”

“We’re training him to fight  _ after _ the comet comes,” Azarin finishes, then looks to Aang, who nods.

“I’m not ready...I need more time to master firebending.” Aang looks a little anxious. “Even you were saying this morning that I need to be more ferocious.”

“And frankly, your earthbending could use a little more work, too,” Toph adds, which makes Aang’s face fall.

Zuko shakes his head. “So...you  _ all _ knew Aang was going to wait?” The prince’s eyes find Azarin’s and the smallest pang of guilt washes over him. It hasn’t exactly come up when they talk about Aang fighting Ozai, and Azarin guesses any time it has, that Zuko was thinking it would be before the comet while Azarin was thinking it would be after.

They  _ really _ need to learn to communicate better.

Azarin guesses that Sokka sees the tension between them, because he steps forward and shrugs his shoulders before he speaks. “Honestly, if Aang tries to fight the Fire Lord right now, he’s gonna lose. No offense.”

“The whole point of fighting the Fire Lord before the comet was to stop the Fire Nation from winning the war. But they pretty much won the war when they took Ba Sing Se…” Katara says this and looks a little dejected.

Azarin nods after finally breaking his eyes away from the betrayed-looking Zuko. “Things honestly can't get any worse. It’s best to wait, let Ozai get out whatever it is he needs to get out during the comet, and regroup from there.” Azarin expects Zuko to agree and everything goes back to normal, but that doesn’t happen. Zuko gets angry.

“Can’t get any worse?! Azarin, you  _ know _ my father! He isn’t just going to sit by and let the comet pass without doing something fucking terrible to the world!” Zuko’s voice is raised and Azarin doesn’t like it, but he supposes that Zuko has every right to be angry right now, especially with him...even if it was just a misunderstanding that Azarin didn’t tell him their plan.

Azarin moves a little more toward Zuko and tries to take his hand, but Zuko pulls back. Azarin lets out another sigh. “I know that, Zu, but we don’t know  _ what _ that terrible thing is so how can we even attempt to try to put a stop to it?”

_ “I _ know what that terrible thing is!” Zuko shouts. His voice is so loud now that some birds in the trees around them fly off. “Did no one even think to just  _ ask _ if I knew what my father’s plan for the comet was?”

“Well, uh…” Aang starts, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “No...no, we didn’t.”

Zuko makes an incredibly frustrated sound and goes to push past all of them, but Azarin grabs his arm and pulls him back. “If you wanted us to ask about it before, then you can tell us now. What is it?”

Zuko goes on to explain how he had sat in on a war meeting with his father and Azula the day before the eclipse. Azula suggested burning the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground, and that’s exactly what Ozai plans to do. He’s building a fleet of airships to fly over the Earth Kingdom when Sozin’s Comet comes, and he along with dozens of other firebenders are going to set every piece of land that doesn’t belong to the Fire Nation on fire, killing thousands of people. When Zuko is finished, Azarin feels like he’s going to be sick. He has to sit down to prevent himself from falling as the realization that they have less than three days to come up with a plan to take down the Fire Lord hits him.

He has absolutely no idea how they’re going to manage this.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko remains upset with Azarin despite his attempts to make things right. If he’s being honest, Azarin feels a little hurt that Zuko didn’t tell  _ him _ about Ozai’s crazy plan, too, but for some reason Zuko is much more bothered by Azarin not communicating their plan to him. Maybe it’s because Zuko still feels insecure about being a part of the group, as he lets Azarin know quite frequently. Zuko still feels like an outsider sometimes, and Azarin not cluing him in on something like this probably doesn’t help that feeling go away. Maybe Azarin feels like an idiot.

After lunch, Zuko insists on showing Aang how to redirect lightning, because to fight Ozai it’s definitely going to be a needed technique. Azarin wants to be the one to teach Aang, but he knows Zuko is still upset, so he lets the prince show him the technique and practice it with him while Azarin simply watches and gives a few pieces of advice.

“If you think you’re ready to  _ actually _ practice, then Azarin can hit you with some lightning here soon,” Zuko says this like it isn’t absolutely the most dangerous thing they could possibly do.

Azarin stands and walks to them, shaking his head. “I think that’s where I’m gonna draw the line, Zu. I’m not gonna attack Aang with lightning. If he can’t redirect it properly then he’ll get hurt or  _ die.” _

“That didn’t stop you from trying to hit me with it back at the Western Air Temple,” Zuko snaps back, giving Azarin a glare before looking at Aang again. “If you think you’re ready, then you should do it.”

Azarin really doesn’t like how Zuko is acting, but he also has no idea how to make it right. He doesn’t want to just let Zuko walk all over him, but he also doesn’t want to hurt Zuko by being too stern or harsh with him. Maybe that’s what Zuko needs, but Azarin doesn’t know for sure, and he isn’t willing to risk upsetting Zuko even more just because he  _ thinks _ the prince needs a bit of dominance to get rid of his attitude.

“I think I’m ready,” Aang says with a nod, then looks to Azarin. “If you’re okay with it, that is…”

He isn’t, but Aang looks sad and Zuko is glaring at him and Azarin doesn’t want to upset anyone. He steps behind Aang and backs up, nearly to the wall of the house. Zuko moves to sit where Katara is and Azarin notices how she puts a hand on the prince’s knee, and he looks at her with sadness in his eyes. Yeah, Zuko is only mad at Azarin, for sure.

Aang is continuing to practice the motions Zuko taught him while Azarin tries to find a way to even bend lightning while he’s so confused and frustrated emotionally. He attempts to push all of that away, though, leveling his breathing, separating his energy the best he can. He pushes the energy out into his fingers, and the smallest spark of lightning begins to form until it’s flickering and swirling around him, making his hair stand on end. Aang gives him a nod, hand extended out in front of him, and Azarin directs the lightning toward him, feeling all the energy he once possessed leaving him almost instantly.

The Avatar takes it all in through his fingers and it looks like it’s almost too much for his small frame to handle, but then Aang is shoving it up into the sky with a loud crackle, and falls back against the fountain behind him, clutching his head.

Azarin moves to him quickly, taking Aang’s shoulders in his hands and looking him over worriedly. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Katara and Zuko are next to them in an instant, but Aang shakes his head and when he looks up, he’s grinning from ear to ear. “I’m fine,” he says, then stands and turns to Zuko. “You were right, Zuko. It’s...exhilarating. I can’t even imagine how great it must feel to be able to  _ create _ lightning and bend it, if that’s how great it feels to just redirect it.”

“Well, Azarin can teach you how to bend it, since I can’t.” Zuko starts to walk away, toward the door to the house, but Azarin calls after him.

“I can teach you, too, Zu,” he speaks loud enough where Zuko can hear him, but his tone is still a little soft. Azarin hates how confused he is on how to handle this situation, because this  _ isn’t _ him. He’s confident and sure of himself, he takes charge of things when no one else can. He isn’t timid and scared of what to say to his own boyfriend, but he’s so afraid of just being another person in Zuko’s life that’s scarred him that at the moment, it’s making him into someone he’s not.

“I think that’s enough lightning for one day,” Katara says as she takes Aang by the shoulders and starts leading the Avatar down the trail that leads to the beach. “We’re gonna go do some waterbending. Send Toph down so he can practice with her later, okay?” Azarin agrees, but now he’s left with Zuko, alone, in the courtyard. The prince looks at him for a moment or two, then turns to start heading back into the house. Azarin follows him.

“Zuko, I think we need to talk…” Still he’s speaking a lot softer than he intends. At this rate, Zuko is going to end up yelling at him and he’ll just cower in a corner. Azarin hates himself.

Zuko doesn’t look at him as he keeps walking through the house, heading for his room. “No, we don’t. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” Zuko’s voice is even and cold; it hurts Azarin more than he’d like to admit.

“There’s clearly something bothering you, and I think I know what it is…” Azarin walks down the steps behind Zuko, and when the prince gets to the door of his room, he finally turns to face Azarin, who tries to smile at him. “Zuko...I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t intend to, it was just a misunderstanding…”

“Don’t,” Zuko’s face hardens even more, if that’s possible. “Don’t say you’re sorry. It doesn’t matter. Everything is fine, you didn’t hurt me, I’m  _ just _ trying to take a nap, Azarin.”

At this point, Azarin is actually starting to get a little irritated that Zuko is denying anything is wrong. How he’s acting is showing it to literally everyone, but Zuko is still trying to deny it? “What do you mean everything is fine? Everything is  _ not _ fine, Zuko, you’ve barely spoken to me since this morning! You’re obviously acting like you’re hurt, how do you expect me to believe--”

“I  _ said _ leave me alone!” Zuko raises his voice and slashes fire down between them, making Azarin back up to avoid being burned. They look up at each other and Azarin sees fear in Zuko’s eyes for a split second before something in him completely snaps.

Azarin shoves Zuko’s back against the door to his room and takes the prince’s wrists into his hands, gripping them tightly as he holds them against the door. Zuko’s breath is staggered as they lock eyes, and when Azarin speaks, his voice has completely lost its soft edge. It’s stern and sharp. “I don’t care  _ how _ upset you are, you are  _ not _ going to attack me in the middle of an argument. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’re going to  _ stop _ acting like a bratty prince and you’re going to talk to me about what’s bothering you. Do you understand, Zuko?”

Zuko nods. He doesn’t take his eyes away from Azarin’s and he’s squirming underneath the other’s body. Azarin only has to wonder why for the smallest of moments before Zuko’s lips are against his and the prince is moaning into his mouth and rutting against his hips. Azarin lets go of Zuko’s wrists and grips into his hair, jerking Zuko’s head to the side so he can kiss and lick down the prince’s neck. Zuko groans when his hair is pulled and his body instinctively rolls his hips forward. Azarin smiles into his skin.

Dominance is  _ exactly _ what Zuko needed.

With his free hand, Azarin slides open the door behind Zuko and they stumble backward into the room, but he never lets up on his grip in Zuko’s hair, so his mouth stays attached to the prince’s neck even as Azarin slides the door shut behind them. Zuko lets out another moan into the air when Azarin takes the skin under his lips into his mouth, sucking a deep bruise into it only to move on to another patch of skin to do the same there. Azarin’s free hand grips Zuko’s hip and holds the other’s body against his own while Zuko whines and moans and begs for more.

Azarin, however, isn’t feeling generous at the moment. “You want more, hm?” He says this into Zuko’s neck, smiling when the prince nods frantically. Azarin moves so his lips are against Zuko’s ear and lowers his voice dangerously. “Then stop acting like a brat, and talk to me when I ask you to.” Azarin emphasizes his point by gripping Zuko between his legs, making the prince take in a sharp breath.

“I-I will…” Zuko whispers, eyes closed, head thrown back. “P-Please, Rin…”

“Take your nap, Zuko,” Azarin’s voice is still low even as he pulls away, letting go of Zuko’s hair and backing up toward the door again. “We’ll talk later.”

Azarin steps out of the room and leaves Zuko there.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That night, while everyone is eating, Aang gets upset and has an outburst about having to fight and kill Ozai. Azarin wants to follow him when he walks off angrily, but Zuko stops him and says that Aang needs to figure this out on his own. Maybe Aang is right, maybe none of them understand the struggle he’s going through as he tries to come to terms with the fact that he’s supposed to kill the Fire Lord. None of them were raised by monks, and none of them are the Avatar. Even knowing this, though, Azarin still wants to be able to help his friend in any way he can...but he knows Zuko is right. Aang needs to do this alone.

The group is planning to leave Ember Island the next morning to head for the Earth Kingdom so they can stop the attack the moment it happens. Trying to stop it on Fire Nation territory would prove impossible, considering the endless resources the military would have there. Azarin had made that suggestion, because Sokka had been arguing that they should take out the airships before they even take off from the capitol, but it just wouldn’t be a good idea at all. It would be like the invasion, and they would be outnumbered and likely distracted. The airships can’t be repaired unless they’re in the Fire Nation, so taking them down in the Earth Kingdom will ensure Ozai’s plan can’t be enacted.

Azarin doesn’t want to leave. This place seems to be just as magical as they were told it was growing up. This is the place Azarin fell in love with Zuko when they were children, and this is the place that they finally showed each other how they felt. Ember Island is special to him, even if its history is tainted by the Fire Nation, and even worse -- horrible plays. But these are all memories that Azarin doesn’t want to let go of or forget, and he’s afraid that the magic happening will come to an end once they leave. He’s most afraid that he and Zuko’s relationship will somehow fall apart if they leave, even though that fear is entirely unrealistic.

While Azarin is packing his things in his room, there’s a knock on his door. He isn’t shocked when he goes to open it and sees Zuko on the other side. Azarin smiles and steps aside so Zuko can enter. “Ready to talk?”

Zuko nods, sitting on the bed as his cheeks turn pink. “I...I can’t believe I was acting that way. I’m sorry, Azarin…” He looks up at Azarin standing in front of him, but quickly looks away out of nervousness. “I also can’t believe that I…”

Azarin looks expectantly at Zuko, but when the prince doesn’t finish that thought, he does it for him. “That you got turned on when I was being harsh with you?” He isn’t surprised when Zuko nods, still not looking at him even when the pink in his cheeks grows darker and flushes down the prince’s neck. Azarin moves forward and pushes Zuko’s hair from his face for a moment. “Are you really shocked that you like someone being dominant with you? You’ve always been a little bit of a bully but that’s never been you. Now that you’ve actually grown into yourself, it isn’t surprising to me at all that you want someone to be a little rough with you instead.”

“You, Azarin,” Zuko says, finally looking at him. “Not just someone. I want  _ you _ to be rough with me.” The prince nuzzles his head into Azarin’s hand and it’s the kind of affection that Zuko rarely shows, so Azarin commits it to memory. “And I can’t apologize enough about how I was acting...I feel horrible for it…”

“Don’t apologize, Zuko,” Azarin responds with a smile. He sits next to Zuko and pulls the other into his arms. Zuko buries his head into Azarin’s neck immediately. “I know why you were upset...you always feel left out of the group and I forgot to tell you something that everyone else already knew. I made you feel like an outsider, even if it was unintentional. I’m the one that should be apologizing.”

Zuko’s hands are clutching Azarin’s clothes in the most needy way possible. “It’s scary how well you know me...or maybe it’s just scary to have someone actually listen to me when I’m talking about how I feel. I don’t want to lose that...I don’t want to lose  _ you.” _

“You’re not gonna lose me, Zu. We’re going to end this war and live peacefully to the best of our ability.” Azarin presses a kiss to the top of Zuko’s head as he holds the prince a little tighter. Having Zuko in his arms is a feeling he will never ever forget, it’s something he’s wanted for so long and now that he’s finally able to experience it on a daily basis, Azarin doesn’t think he could ever be happier. “I’m always going to be here for you. Through everything, even the boring parts of our lives. I’ll even be rough when you want me to be.”

Zuko laughs a little, sighing at the end. “So, all the time?”

Azarin smiles, and kisses Zuko, and prays to the Spirits that they don’t die in a few days.


	54. reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: i'm ready - sam smith / demi lovato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode nineteen: the old masters
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

When they wake up the next morning to leave, Aang is gone.

They decide to split up to look for him, and before Azarin can even get a good grip on Zuko’s hand to go with him, Toph rushes between them and wraps her arms around one of Zuko’s, clinging to him. Azarin blinks. “Uh...you wanna unhand him, Toph?”

She shakes her head, smiling wide. “I’m going with Zuko!” She sounds actually serious, and Azarin looks from her up to Zuko, whose cheeks are pink with blush. Toph sighs as everyone just stares at her. “What? Everyone else went on a life changing field trip with Zuko. Now it’s my turn.”

“I don’t recall going on a life changing field trip with Zuko,” Azarin muses, which earns him a ball of sand being earthbended into his abdomen.

“Like the last four years hasn’t been a giant life changing field trip for you revolving around Zuko? And all the kissing you guys have been doing over the last few weeks...that’s pretty life changing.” Toph sticks her tongue out in disgust before she continues. “You get him to yourself  _ constantly, _ fire feet. Go with Sokka or something.” She turns and starts dragging Zuko with her, who’s looking back at Azarin with the most helpless and desperate look in his eyes. Azarin actually laughs a little.

“Well, he belongs to Toph now,” he says, turning to the others. He looks at Sokka, where he’s sitting on Appa’s neck, ready to fly. “I guess it’s you and me, twerp.”

As he’s climbing up into Appa’s saddle, he feels a tug to the bottom of his pants, looking back to see Katara gazing up at him. “You know,  _ technically, _ you went on all the life changing field trips except for Aang’s, right? They just weren’t about you.”

Azarin’s expression mimics disgust, but he doesn’t respond to her. “Appa, yip yip.”

None of them find anything. The lighthearted teasing from earlier that had effectively distracted Azarin from his panic is gone, and now  _ everyone _ seems to be panicking as they try to figure out what to do. Zuko seems to have an idea that he won’t tell anyone about, and he flies Appa toward the Earth Kingdom while everyone else rests. Azarin is concerned as to what Zuko has in mind, because there’s no way Aang would have been able to make it that far without his glider, but without any other leads and no further ideas, they’ve all decided to trust Zuko. Maybe to a fault.

Azarin naps for a little while, along with everyone else, and when he wakes up Zuko is still leading Appa and everyone else is asleep. He moves behind Zuko and wraps his arms around the prince’s hips, chin resting on his shoulder. “You should rest, Zu. I’ll wake you up when we get to the edge of the Earth Kingdom.”

“You don’t know where we’re going,” Zuko counters, even though he’s leaning back into Azarin’s chest and letting out a satisfied breath. “You’ll get us lost. This place is kinda hard to find.”

Azarin sighs, fingers gripping Zuko’s hips a little tighter. “I don’t know where we’re going because you won’t tell anyone. What’s the point in keeping this secret?”

Zuko is silent for a short while, probably thinking a little too hard. He gives a small shrug before speaking again. “I guess I didn’t want anyone to tell me my idea was stupid.”

“So you decided to fly us to the Earth Kingdom so we can tell you your idea is stupid there?”

“My idea  _ isn’t _ stupid,” Zuko quickly responds, nudging Azarin in the stomach with his elbow. Azarin knows Zuko’s idea probably is going to save them, but he can’t ever resist trying to get the prince riled up. “Remember when you were still healing from what your father did to you? And we got in that fight over Katara’s necklace.”

Azarin thinks for a moment. He remembers it, but he doesn’t quite see how it’s relevant, probably because the hurt he was feeling from Zuko being a dick to him was clouding anything else that might have been going on. “It  _ wasn’t _ over Katara’s necklace, but yeah, I remember. You were extremely rude.” Despite this, he presses a chaste kiss to Zuko’s jaw.

Zuko’s neck flushes red. “Well, uh...remember that June girl? She has an animal that can track scents. Uncle and I used Katara’s necklace to track Aang.”

Finally, Azarin understands. He straightens a little, smiling even though Zuko can’t see him. “Zu, you’re a fucking genius!” Azarin plants small kisses over Zuko’s cheek and jaw, down his neck, even though Zuko is squirming to try and get him to stop. “I love you so much, my beautiful, smart,  _ ingenious _ prince.”

“Rin, stop it!” Zuko’s voice is light and playful, despite his words. Azarin thinks it’s adorable and continues kissing him all over. “What if--”

“What if one of us wakes up and sees you two being gross?” Suki’s voice comes from behind them and Azarin’s hands squeeze Zuko’s hips tighter as he turns to look at her. She’s smirking at them while she stretches her arms. “Too late for that.”

“Too late for what?” This time it’s Sokka, sitting up and wrapping loose arms around Suki’s shoulders. His eyes are half lidded and he still looks extremely tired.

Suki brings a hand up to pat Sokka on the head affectionately. “Azarin and Zuko are being gross.”

Sokka shrugs. “Eh. What’s new.” Azarin sends a small flame toward both of them, but turns back to Zuko without responding.

It isn’t much longer before they reach the Earth Kingdom, and the pub that June apparently frequents isn’t that far inland. The rest of the group is definitely skeptical as they enter, even as they watch June gracefully avoid a fight with several drunk men while Zuko explains why she’s important. They approach her once she sits back down, and she apparently immediately recognizes Zuko.

“Oh  _ great,” _ June says, almost as sarcastically as Sokka is on a daily basis. “It’s Prince Pouty. Where’s your creepy grandpa?”

Zuko visibly stiffens, and his voice is stoic when he answers. “He’s my uncle, and he’s not here.”

June hums, looking over the group for a moment. Azarin is in the middle of lacing his fingers with Zuko’s, because they aren’t in the Fire Nation anymore, when June says the most outrageous thing he’s ever heard. “I see you’ve worked things out with your girlfriend.”

Zuko and Katara look at each other for a moment before speaking at the same time, quite aggressively. “She’s not my girlfriend!”

“I’m not his girlfriend!”

June’s eyebrows raise and her eyes fall to where Azarin is squeezing Zuko’s hand. “Okay, sheesh, I guess I misread the situation, huh?” She smiles at Azarin, who narrows his eyes at her and leans past Zuko.

_ “Gravely _ misread the situation, is more like it,” he says, to which June actually laughs.

“Okay, pretty boy, what do you want?”

She tries to help after they explain the situation to her, but her shirshu doesn’t pick up Aang’s scent anywhere and she tells them that Aang  _ doesn’t exist _ anymore. Apparently that doesn’t mean he’s dead, which is relieving if only a little, but it still means they have no way of finding Aang and they’re running out of time. Sozin’s comet is in one day, a little over twenty-four hours away, and none of them have gotten proper rest or eaten or been training enough for the fight.  _ And they don’t have Aang. _

Zuko seems to have one last trick up his sleeve, though. Oddly enough, he has one of Iroh’s old, nasty, smelly sandals and they decide that if Aang isn’t going to fight the Fire Lord, then Iroh is the only other person strong enough to do so. With their help, of course.

This time, the shirshu picks up on the scent easily. It’s well into the evening when they reach the outer wall of Ba Sing Se and June bids them farewell because Iroh should be just across the wall somewhere. In the middle of setting up camp for the night -- during their snack break around their campfire -- they get interrupted when they’re completely surrounded by a ring of fire. They all assume fighting stances until they look up to see who their attackers are; it’s a plethora of familiar faces. Piandao, Bumi, Pakku, and JeongJeong greet them with open arms and they find out that they’re all a part of the Order of the White Lotus, brought together again by Iroh.

The camp they’re taken to is massive and surrounded by what Azarin believes to be earthbended walls. They pass by huge tents that look like full on houses and Azarin is going to ask how they’re keeping all this hidden from the Fire Nation, when he feels Zuko squeezing his hand extremely tightly.

The prince looks to Master Piandao. “Where...where is he?” Azarin’s stomach drops. Of course Zuko is nervous about seeing his uncle again after all this time, why wouldn’t he be? Zuko basically sentenced Iroh to prison after what happened in Ba Sing Se and from what he’s told Azarin, he didn’t treat Iroh the best when he went to visit him in his cell, either. Azarin pulls Zuko a little closer, trying to comfort him without being too overly affectionate in front of everyone.

“Your uncle is in there, Prince Zuko,” Piandao answers, and Azarin gives him a smile and a nod as he walks off.

Zuko walks ahead of Azarin, pulling him forward with a rush in his step, but abruptly stops just before reaching the door to the tent. The prince lets go of Azarin’s hand and drops to the ground, sitting with his legs crossed underneath him. Azarin does the same, wrapping his arms around Zuko and pressing his lips to the prince’s head.

“It’ll be alright, Zu,” Azarin whispers, watching as Katara comes to sit on the other side of Zuko.

“It’s not alright...my uncle hates me, I know it.” He sounds so pained that it hurts Azarin to hear. “He loved me and supported me in every way he could and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

Azarin sighs, looking to Katara for some help. She nods and places a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “Zuko...you’re sorry for what you did, right?”

Zuko nods, then shuts his eyes and brings a hand up to grip Azarin’s forearm. “My biggest regret is how horribly I treated Azarin and my uncle. I’ve never been more sorry about anything in my entire life.”

“Then he’ll forgive you,” Azarin says this against Zuko’s neck, then pulls back to look at the prince, whose eyes are searching for even more reassurance from him. “He  _ will.” _

Zuko presses his lips to Azarin’s softly, then moves to stand up again. Once they’re all back on their feet, the prince pulls Katara to him in a tight hug that Azarin sees her melt into with a smile on her face. He knows that feeling; Zuko’s hugs are incredible.

When they separate, Zuko stares at the entrance to the tent again then takes in a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. He starts to enter, then turns to look at Azarin a little expectantly. “Are you coming? He’s your uncle too.”

Azarin’s heart swells with love and affection at this smallest of sentiments, nodding as he follows Zuko into the tent.

Of course, Iroh is sleeping, despite it still being fairly early in the night. He’s snoring loudly and the sound is oddly comforting for Azarin. Still, he knows this has to be disappointing for Zuko, who just had an entire moral crisis before even having the courage to go into the tent. Azarin takes Zuko’s hand into his grip and pulls him forward to sit on the rug in front of where Iroh is sleeping.

“We can wait for him to wake up, right, Zu?” Azarin whispers this as he pushes a part of Zuko’s hair behind his ear. “It’s not like he hasn’t watched us sleep before. Creepy old man.” Zuko silently chuckles at this, nodding, and leans against Azarin’s side.

Not even an hour in, Zuko has ended up falling asleep with his head in Azarin’s lap. Azarin is running his fingers through the prince’s hair, watching as Zuko’s chest rises and falls with his breaths. He loves taking in Zuko’s beauty at times like this when Zuko can’t hide or complain about him doing it...it’s also when Zuko seems to be at his most pure. Azarin has noticed that Zuko sleeps with his unscarred side up usually, most likely because his hearing is just slightly impaired from the burn over the side of his face and ear. Now, however, Zuko is fast asleep on his right side in Azarin’s lap, unbothered by being able to hear well or not. It’s the tiniest signal of complete trust that Azarin wouldn’t have noticed if he weren’t trying to take in every aspect of Zuko at all times.

Just then, someone stirs in the room, and it isn’t Zuko. Iroh sits up, stretching, and Azarin’s heart starts beating heavily out of anxiousness. The elder man looks behind him and sees Azarin, then his eyes drop to where Zuko lay in his lap. He turns back toward the wall of the tent, and Azarin doesn’t think that’s a good sign. He nudges Zuko awake with his legs and the sleepy prince slowly wakes up, looking toward his uncle and freezing. Tears form in Zuko’s eyes instantly.

“Uncle...I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me…” Zuko’s voice is hoarse from sleep and weak as he cries. Azarin wants to help, he wants to hold Zuko and reassure him somehow, but he knows Zuko needs to do this on his own, so he lets him continue, keeping a gentle hand on the prince’s knee. “But I want you to know I’m so,  _ so _ sorry, uncle. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I don’t know how I can ever make it up to you but I’ll--”

Zuko is cut off by Iroh pulling him forward into the most loving embrace Azarin has ever seen. Tears are flowing down Iroh’s face as well, and Azarin can’t help but fight back the need to cry as he watches them hold each other. This is  _ exactly _ what Zuko needs, and Azarin is so, so glad that he’s getting it, that Iroh is safe, that Iroh still loves his nephew.

“How can you forgive me so easily?!” Zuko continues, with a shocked look on his face. “I thought you’d be furious with me!” If he’s being honest, Azarin had thought so, too. It seems a lot of people underestimate the great General Iroh, even those closest to him.

“I was never angry with you...I was sad, because I was afraid you had lost your way.” Hearing Iroh’s voice again after all this time is one of the most comfortingly familiar things Azarin thinks he’s ever experienced, and Iroh isn’t even speaking to him directly.

They pull back to look at each other, and Zuko’s voice still sounds strained and upset. “I  _ did _ lose my way…”

“But you found it again,” Iroh counters, the softest smile on his lips. His eyes move to Azarin and he holds his hand out. Azarin moves toward them and lets Iroh wrap him in with them. “And you did it on your own, Zuko. I am so happy you found your way here, and found your way to each other.”

Azarin lets his tears fall, and lets himself be enveloped by the strongest feeling of  _ home _ that he’s felt in such a long time.

They end up making a late dinner, eating with everyone, and trying to come up with any kind of plan where they can defeat Ozai without Aang. Iroh doesn’t want to fight his brother, and he believes that it should be Aang as well, but Aang is still nowhere to be found. They don’t have a solution and there’s also the impending anxiety of who will be Fire Lord once Ozai is gone...Zuko clearly doesn’t want it, and even tries to push his uncle to agree to take the throne. It’s starting to get under Azarin’s skin, just how much Zuko doesn’t believe in himself when it comes to becoming Fire Lord, when everyone around him knows that it’s his rightful place to be.

It takes his uncle saying it, confirming it, repeating it, for Zuko to finally accept that he will be the next Fire Lord. It’s a bittersweet moment for Azarin, because while he’s glad that Zuko is finally okay with being Fire Lord, he wishes for the smallest of seconds that Zuko would have listened to him in the first place the many times he’s tried to reassure the prince on the subject. He even agrees to deal with Azula, something that Azarin is shocked by. Even still...at the very least, Zuko is coming around finally, and that’s all Azarin could ever ask for.

“Uncle...I have a favor to ask,” Zuko says this with his eyes locked on the fire in front of them. Azarin is a little confused, but he most certainly expects everything under the sun to come out of Zuko’s mouth instead of what the prince actually says. “I want you to marry Azarin and I.”

Almost everyone around the fire gasps, including Azarin. Sokka is nearly choking on his soup when Azarin stands, pulling Zuko with him. “Zu, what the hell are you talking about? We already discussed this, we had a plan, we’re supposed to wait until after you become Fire Lord and--”

“I don’t want to wait,” Zuko interrupts Azarin’s anxious rambling. He pulls his arm from Azarin’s grip only to step closer to the other, hands on either side of Azarin’s face. The prince’s eyes are filled with love and desperation at the same time. Azarin doesn’t know what to think of it. “It isn’t illegal here. It would be a valid marriage because uncle is technically still a general and a member of the Royal Family...when I become Fire Lord I’ll still abolish the law but we wouldn’t have to have a huge, stupid, traditional Fire Nation royal wedding like I know they’ll make us do. We can do it here, with all our friends and the people we love most.”

Azarin blinks, shaking his head a little. “Aang isn’t here.” He doesn’t seem to have much else to counter with. Zuko is actually making sense for once.

“Aang will understand. He’s the one that ran off in the first place.” Zuko leans up and kisses Azarin and it’s possibly the softest kiss the prince has ever given him. When he speaks again, his voice is lower, like he only wants Azarin to hear. “One of us could die tomorrow, Rin. I’d rather die your husband than some boy you were in love with.”

Hearing Zuko call himself Azarin’s husband makes Azarin actually smile. “You will  _ never _ just be some boy I’m in love with. But…” He pauses, hands slipping around Zuko’s hips and lips pressing to the prince’s forehead. He’s finally calmed down and actually thought about what’s going to happen tomorrow, what  _ could _ happen tomorrow. “I actually agree. I’d rather die married to you than be the new Fire Lord’s lost lover.”

“Then it is settled,” Iroh’s voice makes both boys look over to him as he stands, clasping a hand over each of their shoulders. “We have a wedding to prepare.”


	55. wed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: what a heavenly way to die - troye sivan / no promises (acoustic) - cheat codes & demi lovato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a reminder that this is NOT the end of the fic even though it sounds like it is sksjksjsjs tbh i don’t think this fic will ever end. y’all are stuck with these two for the rest of forever xoxo
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Katara, you’re  _ pulling _ my hair,” Azarin hisses out, trying to convey the sheer pain she’s causing him. He can see her roll her eyes at him through the mirror.

“Stop being a big baby,” Katara says, sounding annoyed. “You’re getting married and I’m trying to make you look nice.”

Azarin winces as she pulls more. He had no idea that trying to put up  _ all _ his hair into an appropriate topknot would be this painful. “I would look nice with my hair half down, too, you know.”

“Just because Zuko  _ apparently _ doesn’t want to have a big Fire Nation wedding doesn’t mean you two can’t follow at least  _ some _ of your culture’s traditions.” Even though Azarin’s head is going to ache for probably the next week, he can’t deny that Katara is right.

Azarin has only been to a wedding once in his lifetime. It was one of the Fire Nation Council members marrying a woman that looked like she was  _ not _ having a good time at all. Most other Fire Nation weddings didn’t allow children because children are loud and create problems, and a wedding is a sacred ceremony that must be respected. The only reason he, Zuko, and Azula were able to attend that wedding was because they were a part of the Royal Family. That wedding had been incredibly boring. All the adults were so stiff and “proper” even when they were drinking alcohol and there was music playing. No one was dancing, no one was laughing, and everyone had to be incredibly respectful of the bride and groom. That day was probably one of the only times Azarin has ever agreed with Azula on anything; she’d called it the most boring thing the Fire Nation has ever done.

He wants this to be different. Even though they don’t have a lot of time to throw a huge party, Azarin wants this to be the most fun Fire Nation wedding that’s ever happened. Hopefully one day, he and Zuko can tell their children about how they got married in Ba Sing Se in the middle of the night with a bunch of old people. Azarin smiles at the thought.

“Wedding coordinator coming through, please move aside,” Sokka’s voice comes from the doorway to the tent, pulling Azarin from his fond thoughts. “I have the, uh,  _ other _ groom outside, here.”

At that, Katara quickly whips around and wags an accusing finger at her brother. “Sokka, I  _ told _ you to keep Zuko away from here! They aren’t supposed to see each other before they get married!”

Azarin turns around in his chair, too, to glare at Sokka. “If you give us bad luck because you can’t even keep Zuko where he’s supposed to be--”

“Would you two shut up for, like,  _ one _ second? I swear you’re the most annoying best friends on the planet, it’s like you share one brain.” Sokka interrupts, and even though he’s insulting them, both Azarin and Katara smile. “He’s here because he’s nervous, and you’re the only person that can reassure him. Just keep the drapes to the tent closed and you’re good! I have things to do, so I’ll expect him to be able to get back to his tent on his own.”

Sokka leaves, and Katara looks like she’s contemplating. “I guess it can’t hurt to talk to each other, right? Especially if he’s nervous.”

Azarin nods. “You can finish my hair standing up, right?” This earns him a slap in the chest. “What? You’re the greatest waterbender in the world. Don’t let my height thwart you.”

“Just go talk to your future husband,” Katara shoves him toward the door with another roll of her eyes.

The moment Azarin gets close enough to it, he hears Zuko’s voice on the other side. “Azarin? Are you there?” The prince sounds anxious and Azarin wants to pull him inside and hold him until he feels better. He doesn’t.

“I’m here,” Azarin says, smiling even though Zuko can’t see it. “Sokka said you were nervous?”

It’s quiet for a moment until Azarin hears Zuko let out a shaky breath. “I just...I pushed this on you at the last minute and what if it’s not the right decision? What if I’m just impatient and selfish?”

Azarin’s heart sinks. How could Zuko think he doesn’t want to marry him? That he had to be pushed to even consider it? Maybe Azarin hasn’t made it clear just how much he needs Zuko in the same way that Zuko needs him. “You didn’t push anything on me, Zuko, you changed our plan and I agreed that it was a good idea. No, I don’t like last minute changes, but this wasn’t some random impulsive decision. We already agreed that we should get married...what harm is there moving it up because we could die tomorrow?”

“I…” Zuko starts, but trails off for a moment. “I guess you’re right. I’m just so afraid that I’m making another bad decision, that we’re gonna fall apart because I suggested this too soon…”

Azarin shakes his head and sighs, because Zuko is so unsure of himself no matter what he does. He wonders when the prince will find his confidence again. “It’s okay to be scared. Wanna know something stupid that I felt yesterday?” Azarin looks down to see Zuko’s hands pushing through the doorway, and he smiles when he clasps his hands together with the other’s. “I was afraid we were going to fall apart when we left Ember Island. It’s the place my love for you began and it’s the place our relationship began...so leaving it will only make things complicated and messy and it’ll make us fall apart, right?”

Zuko squeezes Azarin’s hands a little. “No, Rin. That’s not stupid to feel. I thought about it once or twice...Ember Island is a special place. It’s where I realized I was in love with you, too, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet.”

“So can you see how even though the thought that we’d fall apart after leaving Ember Island is irrational and silly, we both still had it and that’s okay. It didn’t happen even though we were both afraid of it.” Azarin’s thumbs rub circles on Zuko’s soft skin. He can almost feel Zuko relaxing against the touch. “It’s the same thing with this. I know it’s scary and there’s going to be a lot of pressure surrounding us once we get to the Fire Nation...but it’s the right decision, Zuko. We’ve cared about each other for a very long time and this just feels right. We’re  _ meant _ to be together, Zu. Don’t overthink it, just trust how you feel. Your heart has led you in the right direction so far...don’t stop listening to it just because you’re scared.”

Another bout of silence, but it’s pleasant. Azarin likes being quiet with Zuko, just enjoying each other’s presence sometimes. Even though they do talk quite a bit, there are times when they’re silent, and it isn’t  _ always _ just because they’re making out.

“I love you so much, Azarin,” Zuko finally says, his voice low. “I wish I could kiss you.”

Azarin laughs a little, resisting the urge to pull Zuko into his chest and wrap him in his arms. “I know, Zu. I love you, too. Now go finish getting ready...I’m sure Katara is going to just chop off all my hair at this point if she has to wait any longer to put it up.”

“You’re damn right I will!” Katara, clearly eavesdropping, chimes in. Azarin just shakes his head and grips Zuko’s hands tighter for a moment, then lets them go.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The robes that JeongJeong had found for Azarin were old and heavy, but he can’t deny that he looks great in them. He knows that once Zuko becomes Fire Lord they’ll both have to wear robes like this constantly, but he’s hoping that the Fire Nation has come up with a way to make royal clothing a lot cooler since years ago when JeongJeong was a firebending teacher at the palace.

Even though he’s about to walk out and marry the love of his life, Azarin still doesn’t exactly feel like this is  _ his _ wedding. He feels like he’s getting dressed up for an event or something, but that event is him and Zuko getting married. It’s surreal, and he wonders if Zuko is feeling the same or not. He wonders if Zuko is still nervous and anxious after they talked or if he’s excited now. He wonders what Zuko is wearing, how Zuko looks, and how he’s going to be able to keep himself from kissing Zuko too soon once he sees him.

“You okay?” Sokka asks, while he’s smoothing down Azarin’s robes and Katara is tying a sash tightly around his waist.

Azarin nods, and smiles down at Sokka. “Thank you...both of you. For helping put this together so quickly.”

“Hey, it’s not like we’re doing it alone. Toph made the ceremony stage and insisted she be the only one to do it, since she knows both of you really well. Suki is keeping Zuko sane and helping with his hair and robes, Katara is of course... _ Katara.” _ Sokka grins over Azarin’s shoulder at his sister.

“And even though I was extremely skeptical when you and Zuko put Sokka in charge of everything...he’s actually doing a good job.” Katara sounds like it pains her to compliment Sokka; it’s quite amusing to hear. She steps around Azarin once she’s done with the sash. “And I mean, JeongJeong gave you these fancy robes to keep even after the wedding, and Master Piandao tailored his own so they’d fit Zuko. Bumi is making sure the party won’t draw attention from the Fire Nation, and there’s so many other people helping set up everything. You and Zuko are incredibly loved.”

Azarin feels the tears in his eyes before he even realizes he’s crying. He pulls Katara and Sokka into his arms and holds them tightly. “None of that means I can’t thank you two personally, though. You guys are doing so much to make sure this goes smoothly and I can’t even tell you just how grateful I am to you...you both accepted Zuko even though he’s done terrible things to you. You accepted  _ me _ even though I’ve done terrible things, myself. I’m just...I’m so lucky to have friends like you.”

The two of them return his embrace just as tightly and they stay like that for a short while until Sokka pulls back and smiles at Azarin. “Are you grateful enough to make out with me for old time’s sake?”

Of course, Sokka being Sokka almost always ruins a sentimental moment.

“You’re so disgusting, Sokka!” Katara exclaims as she smacks her brother in the head repeatedly. “Not only is Azarin in a relationship, but he’s literally about to walk out there and get  _ married!” _

Azarin is actually laughing, though, because this is exactly why he loves these two so much. “Katara, calm down, it’s okay. Sokka’s just joking.” He puts a hand on her shoulder and she stops, but anger is still apparent in her eyes.

“He’s still gross.”

Before Sokka can defend himself, someone comes into the tent. “Azarin, may I speak with you for a moment?” It’s Iroh, and when Azarin nods, smiling at him, Katara and Sokka both give him a kiss on the cheek and head outside to take their seats.

“What is it, uncle?” Azarin asks, eyeing the small thing Iroh has in his hand. It looks like something wrapped in a cloth.

“I have a wedding gift for you. Two things, actually.” The old man unwraps the thing in his hand and there’s a crown that looks incredibly familiar, but Azarin can’t place where he’s seen it before. “This is an exact replica of the Fire Nation Prince’s Crown. Your friend, the metalbender Toph, made it for you to wear tonight. Zuko will be wearing the real crown, but I felt you deserve to have it just as much as he does.”

On top of both Ozai’s and Iroh’s head. That’s where Azarin had seen it, all those years ago.

“I...I don’t know what to say…” Azarin stares at the sparkling metal in Iroh’s hands, feeling completely undeserving of this, even if it isn’t the real prince crown. “I’m not a prince, Iroh. I’m a Captain’s son. The only reason I even made it to the palace was because of my mother.”

Iroh shakes his head, reaching up to place the crown over Azarin’s hair, securing it with the matching pin. “You of all people should know that blood does not define who you are, Azarin. You have shown great bravery, humility, courage, and honor in the same way that any prince would. In fact, I would argue that you would have been a much better prince than my brother or I were.” Iroh smiles softly, a hand on Azarin’s shoulder. “Blood tells us where we come from, but it does not define our destiny. You and my nephew are living proof of that, and you both deserve the title of Prince of the Fire Nation.”

Azarin is nearly shaking with the force of his tears and he hopes he can stop crying long enough to look decent while the ceremony takes place. “Thank you so much, uncle...this is incredibly thoughtful…”

“That is not all!” Iroh sounds excited as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver chain with a pendant on the end. Azarin wipes his tears away as Iroh speaks. “This was your mother’s. Ursa gifted it to her a year before she passed...you may recognize it.”

Eyes wide, Azarin reaches for the necklace and brings it closer, examining the phoenix pendant on the end. He does recognize it, but barely. “I think I’ve only seen this once or twice...she never wore jewelry much because she loved making it more than wearing it. Now that I think about it, though, it might have been because Zhao could have used it against her if he knew something was precious to her.” His eyes find Iroh’s again as he clasps the pendant in his hand tightly, then moves forward to wrap his arms around Iroh. “Thank you. Thank you so much for all of this, for everything. You have no idea how much you doing this means to both of us.”

“Believe me, Azarin, it means so much more that you chose me to marry you.” The smile on Iroh’s face when he pulls back to look at Azarin is bright. He places a hand on Azarin’s cheek. “I could not think of a better person for my nephew to be wed to. I am so proud of how far you both have come.” Azarin goes to say something in response, but music starts playing outside and he knows that’s the signal for the wedding to start. Iroh smiles at him once more before stepping away. “That is my cue. I will see you at the altar, Azarin.”

Iroh leaves, and Azarin is left in the tent alone. He wonders how Zuko is feeling again, if he’s as anxious about messing something up as Azarin is. Maybe he’ll trip on his way there, or maybe he’ll mess up what he has to say. Maybe they both will, and maybe they really are getting ahead of themselves for getting married not only so soon into their relationship, but so young. They’re both teenagers, after all. Even so, Azarin can’t help but be excited. He’s about to marry the boy he’s been in love with for nine years...how could he not be?

As soon as the instruments stop playing, Azarin knows he has to go out there, no matter how anxiously excited he is. He smooths down his robes one final time before holding his hands together in his sleeves and stepping out of the tent.

What he sees absolutely astounds him. There are hundreds of lit candles making a path to the ceremony stage, along with Fire Nation insignia banners drifting in the breeze behind where Iroh stands. The dozens of people from the camp, including his friends, are sitting in what looks to be chairs made from earth, with red cloth draped over every one of them. The instrument players are placed at either side of the stage, and Azarin looks directly across from him to see Zuko staring at everything in the same way he is. They both head toward the stage at the same time.

Neither of them fall or even stumble, but Azarin feels like his legs are going to give out from underneath him when he sees Zuko up close. The robes he’s wearing fit him immaculately and he’s wearing the exact same sash around his waist that Azarin is. The prince’s hair is pulled back tightly and Azarin wonders for the smallest of moments if Suki had hurt Zuko’s head as much as Katara had hurt his. Either way, he can’t stop looking at Zuko, because once again the prince’s beauty has left him breathless.

Zuko’s golden eyes never leave his as they bow to each other, and Azarin feels like his heart is finally going to jump up into his throat and out of his mouth from beating so hard. When they come back up, Iroh begins speaking, but they don’t take their eyes off of each other. “We are all here to witness the joining of two hearts, two souls, and two lives. These lives are that of Zuko and Azarin, two boys who love each other fiercely and wholly. Their love burns brighter than any fire ever could, and like fire, their love will help to cleanse the Fire Nation of evil.” When Iroh stops, he bends a stream of fire between them, lighting a line of torches that stretches around them in a circle. With more light, Azarin can see the way Zuko’s eyes are twinkling with admiration and love toward him. His chest fills with affection and it’s starting to become more and more difficult to keep his hands to himself.

“With this marriage, Azarin will become a prince, and tomorrow when Zuko becomes Fire Lord, they will both lead their country with love and kindness.” Iroh motions someone forward, and they place what looks like a steel mold underneath a fairly small black rock. At least, it  _ looks _ like a rock. This wasn’t mentioned to him and by the confusion and anxiousness on Zuko’s face, he didn’t know about it either. Azarin looks back to Iroh, hoping he’s going to explain. “This lava rock has incredibly special properties. It was taken from the volcano where the Fire Nation capital now sits, hundreds of years ago, by the very first Fire Lord. Since then, it has been passed down by the Royal Family and used to forge wedding jewelry for the Fire Lord and their spouse. When forged with the fire of the Fire Lord, it protects the spouse from being harmed by his firebending. Tonight, it will be forged into rings by both Zuko and Azarin’s fire, which will protect them from being harmed by their own partner’s firebending.”

Azarin is astonished. Even with all his years at the palace and all the hours he spent reading in the library, he never knew about this. Perhaps it was a secret kept by the Royal Family that they never found out about until their wedding day, but if it’s a secret then why is Iroh announcing it to everyone here? Not that it matters, because he and Zuko are about to make their own wedding rings, and on top of it they’ll be able to endure each other’s firebending without getting hurt by it. It’s honestly an extremely smart idea, considering most Fire Lords are coldhearted assholes and have arranged marriages. It prevents them from harming their wives who could be carrying their children. With them, it’ll help keep Azarin and Zuko safe from each other’s tempers, which is probably going to be necessary. They may love each other, but they can both be pretty moody.

“Azarin and Zuko, you may now join hands,” Iroh continues. With their eyes locked and smiles growing on their faces, they grip each other’s hands tightly. It feels so good to have Zuko’s skin against his, even if it’s only their hands. Azarin just wants to be as close to Zuko as possible at the moment, but there will be time for that later. They have to actually get married first. “With these words, I join the two of you in marriage, which is a sacred vow to love and honor each other for as long as you both live. Zuko,” the elder man pauses, waiting until Zuko nods to continue. “With this vow of marriage, you will bond yourself to Azarin and promise to love, respect, and care for him until your last breath and beyond. Do you accept this vow?”

Again, Zuko nods, and bows deeply with Azarin’s hands in his grip. For half of a second, Azarin expects Zuko to run away, or reject him, or second guess himself. But Zuko answers with utmost confidence in his voice. “I do.”

“Azarin,” Iroh’s gaze turns to him and he’s only nervous for the slightest of moments. “With this vow of marriage, you will bond yourself to Zuko and promise to love, respect, and care for him until your last breath and beyond. Do you accept this vow?”

Azarin’s hands squeeze Zuko’s hands as he bows next, an uncontrollable smile breaking out over his face because, yes... _ yes, _ he will love Zuko until his last breath, and even beyond that. “I do.”

Iroh pulls them up to stand straight again, but keeps their hands together. His voice is a little lower when he speaks, like he’s only addressing the two of them. “Hold hands with your right, firebend with your left. Do not stop bending until I pull your hands apart.” Both of them nod, and they lock eyes again. They take in a simultaneous breath before letting go of each other’s left hands to send fire straight at the rock between them. It heats up quickly, changing color from black to orange until it’s dripping liquid down into the mold underneath it.

Azarin is only barely paying attention to that, though. He’s caught up in the way Zuko is smiling, the way Zuko is looking at him. He absolutely adores the boy in front of him in so many ways that trying to explain it all would take more time than anyone has. Azarin has never even dreamed of being married to Zuko, because even just having Zuko as more than a friend always seemed unattainable. But here they are, becoming bonded for life, and all Zuko can do is smile at him while it happens. Azarin doesn’t know what he did to deserve all his wildest dreams to come true. It feels magical, what they’re doing, but he knows that’s just the incredible feeling of being in love.

Iroh pulls their hands apart and they both stop bending at the same time. Someone takes the rock while Iroh pours water into the mold, cooling and solidifying the metal inside. He pulls apart the mold and the rings drop onto the altar between them, shiny and black and beautiful. Iroh takes them and gives one to each of them. “When you place these rings on each other’s fingers, you will no longer be separate souls. You will be partners for life, bonded together in marriage. Do you both accept this vow?”

This time, they answer in unison. “I do.” And together, they slide their rings on each other’s fingers. Azarin is fighting back tears while Zuko lets his fall freely, still smiling. They’re both still smiling.

“With the power given to me by the blood of the Royal Family of the Fire Nation, I present Azarin and Zuko, now husbands.” Iroh finishes and they once again bow to each other, but the moment they come back up, Azarin pulls Zuko around the altar between them and crashes their lips together hard. There’s applause from everyone and the instrument players pick up again, but all Azarin can think about is getting lost in Zuko. Their lips move slowly but it’s passionate, probably the most passionate kiss they’ve ever shared. Azarin doesn’t want it to end.

It has to, though, and so it does. Zuko pulls away but leans his head against Azarin’s, arms slid around Azarin’s shoulders and dazed smile still on his lips. Azarin grips his hips through his robes as Zuko speaks. “I love you, Azarin.”

Finally, Azarin’s tears fall. He and Zuko have been through so much together and Azarin never thought Zuko would ever love him, he truly believed he would only remain Zuko’s friend or his enemy for the rest of their lives. Now they’re married — actually, really, truly married — and Azarin doesn’t think he could be happier than he is at this very moment in time. “I love you  _ so much, _ Zuko…”

He feels the weight of the ring on his finger and smiles through his tears. They’re going to be okay. As long as they have each other, and their friends, then they will be okay. They can take on the world together and even if they lost, they’d come out on the other side stronger. They can do anything, be anything, face anything...as long as they have each other in the end.


	56. the lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: stay right where you are - ingrid michaelson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: ptsd, mentions of rape
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“More wine, Prince Azarin?”

Blinking to gather himself, Azarin nods. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being called a prince. “Thank you, JeongJeong.” He smiles up at the man as he fills his cup, and Zuko nudges him in the side with his elbow. Azarin clears his throat. “Zuko— I mean, _my husband_ would like some more, too.” JeongJeong gives some more to Zuko, then walks off with the pitcher of wine after giving them a bow.

Having everyone be so respectful of them is odd, especially to Azarin, who isn’t used to being treated like royalty...he’s only ever seen it happen to those around him. To Zuko. But Zuko is now his husband, and Azarin is now a prince — he’s officially a part of the Royal Family. It’s difficult for him to believe but he has to get used to it. Even when Zuko becomes Fire Lord, Azarin will still be a prince until they have a child somehow. He doesn’t want to think that far ahead at the moment, though. Right now, he’s enjoying Zuko’s warm body next to him, leaning into him, as they finish off their meal and descend into an alcohol-ridden state.

Zuko is already tipsy while Azarin just has a nice warm buzz emanating throughout his body. Of course, that has everything to do with Azarin’s height and how much muscle he has. Zuko is smaller and more lithe, so it definitely makes sense that he’d be drunk a lot faster than Azarin would be. Azarin likes drunk Zuko. He’s not afraid to show affection or be clingy, which he usually saves for when he and Azarin are alone together. Right now, though, Zuko is planting kisses on Azarin’s cheek every few minutes, telling him how much he loves him, and leaning into him like he’d fall over if not.

“Are you guys gonna come join your own party, or do we have to drag you?” Suki’s voice comes from beside them and they both look over; Katara is next to her.

Azarin smiles. “It is customary that you address me as prince at my own wedding, Suki.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m gonna _customarily_ shove my foot up your ass, Prince Azarin.”

“Hey!” Zuko interjects, wrapping his arms around Azarin’s shoulders tightly. “No hurting my husband!” His words are beginning to become slurred; Katara and Suki exchange glances before laughing.

“Alright, drunky, come dance,” Suki has to peel Zuko off of Azarin to get him out of his seat, and he’s pouting back at the other prince as she drags him away.

Azarin is still smiling, and looks at the hand Katara has extended out for him to take. “Are you gonna dance in the moonlight with a prince and fall in love?” Despite his words, he takes her hand and leads her to where everything is loud and people are drunk and dancing.

“You’re letting this prince business get to your head way too quickly,” Katara says, while throwing her arms around his shoulders. They begin swaying to the music being played, and Azarin lets his hands rest at her hips gently while he presses a soft kiss to her forehead. She smiles, letting out a small breath and leaning in to rest her head against his chest. “If people didn’t know any better, they’d think this is _our_ wedding. You do know you can’t be like this with me when you and Zuko are running the Fire Nation, right?”

“Who says I can’t? You’re my best friend and I’ll be however I want with you.” Azarin pulls her a little closer and he’s extremely aware that yes, it does look like they’re _together_ a lot of times, but it doesn’t really matter to him. He loves Katara in a very intimate way, and it isn’t his fault that people might interpret that in the wrong way sometimes. 

Katara pinches the back of his neck and he winces at the pain. “Because, stupid, people could think you’re cheating on the Fire Lord and it would be a scandal. The people might think Zuko isn’t fit to be Fire Lord if he can’t even keep his husband in line. They could pressure him to step down or worse...have you killed for treason.”

As much as Azarin actually agrees with her, he doesn’t want to think about things like this right now. He’s happy, and the impending doom that awaits them all tomorrow is the last thing on his mind, so he definitely isn’t thinking about what awaits them _after_ the impending doom. “Katara, my girl, my best friend, water to my fire...can you shut up about the future and let me enjoy my wedding night?”

“You are so insufferable,” Katara pulls back and rolls her eyes at him, smacking him in the back of the head. “I swear I can’t stand you.”

“Is that why you’re dancing with me, then?” Azarin grins even though she’s already leaning her head back against his chest and can’t see it. She doesn’t respond, and they stay like this for a few more moments. When Azarin hears Katara’s voice after a while, he doesn’t exactly catch what she says. “What was that?”

Katara lifts her head to look at him again. “I said I’m really happy for you. You deserve this.”

Azarin holds her tighter. “You mean you’re not jealous that Zuko is gonna snatch me away from you anymore?”

“Do you ever stop being an ass?” Katara shakes her head but she’s smiling. “I mean it, Azarin. You deserve this happiness. Life doesn’t always have to be darkness and pain, and I know yours has been nothing but that most of the time. Zuko has been the light in your life for a while now, and even though he kinda fucked up a lot...he still is. And now he always will be, and I can’t tell you how much you deserve to have someone make you their entire world, Azarin.”

Katara’s eyes are twinkling with tears and Azarin’s heart swells with affection for her. How in the hell did he get so lucky to have such an amazing friend? “I can’t even tell you how terrified I am of losing this — losing _him._ It could happen as soon as tomorrow.” Azarin’s eyes search the area around them and find Zuko leaning into Suki as the two dance slowly. He smiles, and his eyes find Katara again. “But thank you...it means a lot to me to finally have your approval, Katara.”

“It’s not like you would have stayed away from him if I didn’t approve, anyway.” When he gives her a _look,_ she rolls her eyes at him. “You two are like magnets — you always find your way back to each other, no matter how far you’ve strayed. That _isn’t_ a bad thing, Azarin. I used to think it was, that he was bad for you because of all the awful things he’s done and how much loving him has hurt you. But then I saw you warming up to him and you two just...looked _right._ You looked like you were meant for each other, and even if I was jealous of that, I couldn’t deny it anymore.”

Azarin’s eyes are going to be swollen and red forever at this rate, with how much he’s crying tonight. He wraps his arms around Katara completely, holding her tight, until someone taps his shoulder. He pulls back and sees Suki holding a flushed Zuko by his robes. “Take him back before he passes out. I’m gonna find Sokka and make out with him.” She walks away and Zuko pouts and reaches for her, but Azarin grabs his hand and pulls him forward.

“You can spend time with Suki later. Dance with me.”

Zuko shakes his head but melts into Azarin’s arms anyway. “But Suki smells good...and she’s so pretty…”

“I’ll let you guys have a dance or two,” Katara says, smiling as she pats Zuko on the back. “But I’m coming back for Zuko next.” She walks away, and Azarin smiles after her.

“Hey, Zu,” he says, hands around Zuko’s hips again. Zuko nods against Azarin’s chest. “You think Suki is pretty?” Again, Zuko nods, arms tightening around Azarin’s shoulders. He takes another moment to think before continuing. “You know, just because we’re married now doesn’t mean you have to stop finding girls attractive.”

Zuko shifts a little as they sway to the music around them. “I haven’t, silly. I just said Suki is pretty.” The words are muffled into the robes against Azarin’s chest and he laughs a little.

“You know what I mean,” Azarin’s voice is a little pointed, but still soft. “I don’t want you to feel trapped, I guess. I don’t wanna be like Mai and accuse you of cheating on me just because you want to explore yourself. As long as whoever you’re exploring with knows you belong to me...then you can do whatever you want, Zuko. I just want you to be happy. You deserve happiness.”

Zuko holds on to him tighter, but doesn’t say anything. After a few long seconds of Azarin thinking he said something wrong, Zuko pulls back and looks up at him with tears in his eyes. Azarin immediately wipes them away. “I...I love you _so_ much, Azarin. I may not know exactly what I want out of life yet, but I know I want you, and I know as long as I have you that I’ll feel safe enough to figure everything out along the way.”

Azarin feels even more affection for Zuko surge within his chest and he pulls the other to him, pressing their lips together hungrily. He can’t believe Zuko is his, that he gets to kiss him like this and even more so that he gets to do it in front of everyone without fear of being judged or punished. Azarin has lived his entire life afraid of being himself, but now he has no reason to be scared anymore. Zuko is right here, kissing him and messing up his hair, and they’re _married_ to each other now. Azarin couldn’t be happier.

“I think I’m in love with you, Prince Zuko,” Azarin says, lips still against Zuko’s own.

“Really?” Zuko asks this like they didn’t just have an entire wedding. “Because I think I’m in love with _you,_ Prince Azarin.”

The party dies down a little bit later, after Azarin has to fight off an alcohol-thirsty Zuko from getting more wine. There’s no way they’d be able to defeat Azula tomorrow if Zuko is hungover.

Everyone helps clean up, but Sokka pulls both of them away from trying to help when he sees them. “Come on, you two. No helping. I have a surprise for you.”

“If you take us into a tent and pull your pants down, Sokka, I _swear_ I will--” Azarin cuts himself off when Sokka leads them into a small tent and he sees what’s inside. There’s lit red candles everywhere, two sets of sleep clothes, a tray with fresh tea, and an _actual_ bed with a soft looking mattress and fluffy blankets on it. A smile grows on Azarin’s face as he looks around. “Sokka...what is this?”

Sokka shrugs, smug grin on his lips as he crosses his arms over his chest. “I put a little something together for the newlyweds. No biggie.”

Zuko walks around the tent, smiling as he runs his fingers over the blankets on the bed. “This is incredible, Sokka. Th-Thank you…”

“Hey, you two deserve to be happy...at least for one night before the world ends.” Sokka looks between them for a moment before he moves toward the entrance to the tent. “Have fun!”

Azarin grabs Sokka by the wrist and pulls him back. “Seriously, Sokka…” His eyes move to Zuko for a moment, trying to convey what he wants to do with just a look. His husband smiles and nods, and Azarin pulls Sokka by the back of his neck to kiss him hard. The look on Sokka’s face when he pulls away is adorable; Azarin’s smile grows. “Thank you.”

Zuko rounds the bed and plants a soft kiss on Sokka’s cheek, then they both push him outside the tent to hear him grumbling away. “Boys are so confusing…”

They look each other over for a few moments before Zuko smiles, then moves to the tray of tea next to the bed to pour two cups. “It smells like lavender and jasmine...our favorites put together. Uncle knows us well.”

“He does,” Azarin responds. He takes off his overrobe and lets it drop to the floor, then grabs a set of the sleep clothes laid out on the bed. Zuko is staring at him while he undresses. “Don’t act like you haven’t seen any of this before. Or had it in your mouth.”

Zuko’s cheeks flush with pink, but he shakes his head as he hands Azarin his cup of tea. “It’s not that. You’re just...beautiful. You’re so beautiful. And you’re mine.” The prince looks away anxiously but Azarin just smiles, sipping his tea and setting it down before pulling on the thin silk robe in his hands.

“I’m yours, Zuko. Forever.” Azarin moves to Zuko, admiring the flush of color in his skin before he slips his hands underneath Zuko’s robes, pushing them apart. He lowers his voice. “You should help me get these off you.”

Blinking up at Azarin, Zuko nods even though his cheeks continue to turn a bright shade of red. He unties the sash around his waist and Azarin pushes his overrobe off, then gets to work untying and pulling off Zuko’s undershirt. He lets his fingers trail along Zuko’s skin as he does so and he revels in the feeling of the other’s body underneath his touch. Zuko’s skin is like smooth, pale alabaster and Azarin’s is the opposite. They’re two halves of a whole, two opposite ends of the same spectrum, and noticing things like this always makes Azarin think about how terribly different they are but also how much he would _never_ change that.

“A-Are you sure…?” Zuko’s question comes after he’s completely stripped and Azarin is reaching for the other sleep robe. He smiles.

“Am I sure about what?” Azarin holds open the robe and lets Zuko slip into it, then pulls the other by his hips flush to his body.

Zuko takes in a sharp breath when Azarin’s lips press to his neck. “Well…” The prince starts, breaths picking up the more Azarin licks and sucks and kisses along his neck and shoulder. “You always say you want it to be perfect when it happens, so we do other things, but i-is this...is this perfect? Is this the perfect moment you’ve been waiting for? It’s okay if we don’t—”

“Zuko,” Azarin breathes. He makes his way up Zuko’s neck to his ear. “I don’t think another moment this perfect will ever happen again.” He reaches up and takes the prince’s crown from Zuko’s hair, pulling it out of its tie and enjoying the way Zuko’s hair falls against his face. He mouths across the skin of Zuko’s neck, enjoying the soft whimper that emits from the other’s mouth. Azarin whispers against Zuko’s skin, “I love you.”

Zuko swallows nervously, nodding as he reaches behind him and pulls Azarin closer the best he can. “I love you, Rin.”

The air around them is thick and electric, probably because they both know what’s about to happen. Their tea is forgotten even though the scent of it hangs around them, strong and pleasant. Azarin breathes in the skin of Zuko’s neck and sucks a patch of it into his mouth for a moment, letting it go and smiling at the small red mark left behind on the prince’s light skin. He does this again and again, marking his husband’s neck with bites and bruises until Zuko is moaning softly into the air and pushing his body back against Azarin’s own. Azarin feels pleasure begin to build inside him when he turns Zuko in his arms and crashes their lips together, with their mouths moving desperately against each other.

Zuko whines into the kiss as his hips push forward, grinding against Azarin’s own and sending pleasure up his spine. Azarin lets out a muffled groan into Zuko’s mouth as the other grips into his hair, slipping his fingers up until he pulls out the crown from Azarin’s hair and lets it all fall down around his shoulders. This gives Zuko what he wants apparently, because he immediately starts running his fingers through Azarin’s hair and grips it as they kiss, which in turn makes Azarin kiss him harder and deeper. His hands roam up and down Zuko’s sides, lifting up the thin robe around him only to drop it again in favor of getting a harsh grip on Zuko’s backside, digging his fingers into the soft flesh there. This makes Zuko take in a sharp breath and Azarin loves hearing it, he loves hearing what he does to Zuko. He loves leaving Zuko breathless, needy, _wanting_ . He wants Zuko to whine and beg for him, to plead for more pleasure and more of _him._

Azarin steps back, pulling Zuko with him, and lets the back of his legs hit the bed behind them before dropping to sit on it. He positions Zuko in his lap while they continue to kiss, with Zuko’s thighs on either side of his own, giving him easy access to running his hands up and down the soft skin on Zuko’s thighs. Zuko is running his tongue over Azarin’s lips with one hand on his jaw and the other in his hair, and the prince is starting to seem desperate even after such a short amount of time.

When Azarin bucks his hips up into him, Zuko moans and pulls back to drop his head against Azarin’s shoulder, kissing any piece of skin he can find. The robes they’re wearing are thin and loose and nearly falling off of them but Azarin doesn’t have the patience to take them off completely at this point, because heat and pleasure are pulsing through his veins and he just wants to make Zuko fall apart under his touch. He slides a hand up Zuko’s thigh while the other kisses and licks and sucks on his neck, and when Azarin feels how hard Zuko is already, he actually _groans_ because how is the boy on top of him _his husband,_ and how the hell is he so damn hot?

Azarin wraps his hand around Zuko’s length and squeezes, which makes Zuko roll his hips into the touch and moan into Azarin’s neck. The sound of it sets Azarin’s nerves alight and he wants more of it, so he starts loosely stroking Zuko to bring more and more soft moans and whines from him. Zuko seems to lose the ability to continue working his lips over Azarin’s neck, and he just rests his face against Azarin’s skin while he’s gripping tighter and looser into Azarin’s hair as more pleasure is given to him. Azarin loves making Zuko fall apart...it’s always his favorite thing to do.

Zuko is still moaning into Azarin’s neck and it’s making him incredibly impatient, because he wants to work more and more moans out of Zuko with more than just his hand. Azarin’s cock is just as hard as Zuko’s is and he doesn’t think he has enough self control to wait much longer, but luckily, he seems to be in sync with Zuko’s desires too. Zuko pulls back and moves down off the bed only to get on his knees in front of Azarin, amber eyes looking up at him with blown pupils and nothing but lust mixed with adoration within them. Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything more beautiful.

Taking the base of Azarin’s cock in his hand, Zuko never breaks eye contact with Azarin as he brings his tongue out to lick gently up the underside of Azarin’s length. The instant pleasure this sends through Azarin’s body is electric and he lets out a soft moan with only more to follow as Zuko’s lips part and he begins to take the tip into his mouth. The hot, wet feeling around him is like heaven itself, but it only gets better as Zuko slowly lowers his head, taking more into his mouth. Azarin nearly loses it as his hands quickly move to grip into his husband’s hair, careful not to thrust his hips up into Zuko’s mouth even though the thought is incredibly tempting.

The way Zuko’s tongue works around his length while the prince continues to work his mouth up and down is enough to make Azarin want to come right then and there, but he tries his best to control himself. It isn’t long before he starts to feel that familiar edge growing closer, so his moaning and gripping of Zuko’s hair has to come to an end if anything else is going to happen. Azarin pulls Zuko up and off of his cock even though the pleasure he was getting was incredible, but he’s still happy to bring Zuko back into his lap, only this time the prince is twice as desperate and infinitely more unraveled.

“I want you, Azarin,” Zuko breathes out against Azarin’s lips, hands running down his front to grip his cock again and start stroking. Azarin takes in a breath at the feeling and grabs Zuko’s hips; the prince whines and bucks forward. _“Please,_ Rin…”

Azarin takes Zuko’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucks on it for a moment before letting it go, enjoying the whimper it gets from Zuko. “We need oil,” he says, low, with his eyes washing over the way Zuko looks wrecked already and they haven’t even done anything too extreme.

“Tea,” Zuko says this like Azarin understands at all. His hand is still slowly pumping Azarin’s length until Azarin stops him. Zuko whines, and Azarin shakes his head.

“Not tea. Oil. Unless you want this to not feel good at all?”

Zuko pulls back and huffs out a breath, pointing to the tea tray sitting on a small table in front of the bed. “Oil on the tray.” Sure enough, when Azarin looks, there’s a small vial of oil that he probably missed when he was looking around the tent earlier. Zuko had poured the tea and most likely noticed it; Sokka had thought of everything.

Azarin smiles to himself as he reaches over and takes the vial, pulling the stopper out and coating a finger in the liquid. Just the thought of fingering Zuko has Azarin’s cock throbbing in the other’s hand, and Azarin groans a little when he moves his hand around Zuko to press his slick finger against the tight hole there. Zuko takes in a sharp breath that quickly turns into a moan, and Azarin moves them so Zuko’s back is on the bed and their lips are moving against each other again while he begins to push his finger inside the breathless, desperate boy underneath him.

When Azarin’s finger is in as far as it will go, Zuko’s back arches off the bed, moaning loud, and Azarin can’t help but let out a small sound of pleasure as he thinks about the way Zuko is going to feel around him. The way Zuko is reacting to just a single finger is incredible, not that it’s the first time Azarin has fingered him, but there’s something about the way Zuko is whining and moaning and writhing underneath him this time that’s just so much more erotic than anything else they’ve done before.

The second finger slides in easily beside the other but this time, when he starts pumping them in and out of Zuko slowly, Azarin pulls back from kissing him to watch Zuko’s mouth hang open in pleasure. Zuko’s hands are desperately clinging to any part of Azarin that they can, and he’s moaning probably a little _too_ loudly, but Azarin is honestly too far gone himself to care who hears them. Everyone knows what they must be doing on their wedding night, even if they don’t directly hear them doing it.

“Azarin, p-please…” Zuko’s voice is strained with arousal when he speaks and Azarin would be lying if he said hearing it doesn’t make his cock throb with pleasure. _“Please…”_

Nodding, Azarin presses a hot kiss to Zuko’s neck before pulling back and covering his hard length in oil. His eyes are on Zuko and Zuko’s eyes are on him; Azarin doesn’t even hide the smile that forms on his lips as he admires Zuko’s raw beauty. There’s just so much about Zuko that he finds beautiful and he could go on for hours about every last bit of it, but now isn’t the time for that.

Zuko pulls his own legs apart, exposing himself, and Azarin thinks for the smallest moment about how Zuko doesn’t like being vulnerable or exposed, but he’s here, doing just that because he loves and trusts Azarin. The thought is nearly enough to bring tears to his eyes but Azarin controls himself, pushing the thoughts away to instead press the tip of his cock against Zuko’s entrance. When the smallest bit of it slips inside, Azarin feels like he sees stars at the amount of pleasure he feels and he’s pretty sure Zuko feels the same way -- if the strung out moan that escapes him says anything. Azarin’s breath hitches as he slowly pushes further in and he falls forward, bracing himself on his hands. His eyes lock with Zuko’s golden orbs just as he bottoms out, and they both let out moans at the sensation.

“You okay?” Azarin asks, nosing along the column of Zuko’s neck and pressing soft kisses to his skin every once in a while.

The prince nods, arms loosely linking around Azarin’s shoulders as he hums in satisfaction. “Only hurts a little...feels good…” Zuko bucks his hips up, both of them gasping a little from the pleasure it brings. “You feel so good inside me, Rin…” Azarin smiles, because he agrees wholeheartedly. Zuko is tight and hot and wet, and Azarin loves him, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this good in his life.

Azarin pulls back until only the tip of his cock is inside Zuko, then thrusts back in. Zuko hisses a little in pain, but otherwise seems fine, so Azarin continues because it feels _so fucking good_ to finally have Zuko’s body around him, squeezing him and pleasuring him. The white hot pleasure that pulses through Azarin’s body as he slowly rolls his hips into Zuko is almost too much, but what makes him nearly come undone is the way Zuko is groaning and squirming and gripping his shoulders, pulling at the robe around him like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded to the earth at the moment. Watching Zuko fall apart underneath him is a sight Azarin will never, _ever_ forget.

The steady, slow pace he’s going at quickly turns into something different. It turns into Azarin moving faster, Azarin’s hand wrapped loosely around Zuko’s throat, Zuko bucking up to meet his thrusts eagerly. Before he comes too soon to even be enjoyable, Azarin sits up and pulls Zuko with him, then drops onto the bed himself with Zuko on top of him. Apparently this position makes Azarin’s cock hit something inside Zuko that makes him see stars; the prince immediately starts moving to try and get more, which in turn sends more pleasure than Azarin can even describe through his body. The way Zuko is rolling his hips, rising and falling on Azarin’s length, is like complete bliss. Azarin’s hands slide up Zuko’s thighs to his hips, helping him move, and this seems to pull out a string of moans from Zuko that absolutely drive Azarin insane.

“F-Fuck, Rin…” Zuko groans out, hands pressed firmly against Azarin’s chest. “So g-good...you feel s-so good…” He moans again when Azarin thrusts up into him. _“Fuck…”_

Hearing Zuko cursing mixed with the way he’s moving on the cock inside him is making Azarin lose his composure again, but he doesn’t even want to hold it back this time, so he doesn’t. He grips Zuko’s hips harshly, pulling himself up with Zuko in his lap again. This time, they both move, chasing their pleasure together. Azarin’s hands stay on Zuko’s hips while Zuko’s are gripping into Azarin’s hair and their lips are pressing against each other, tongues moving together until the building pleasure is just too much to handle.

“Zuko, _fuck…”_ Azarin breathes the words against the scarred skin of Zuko’s cheek, pressing soft kisses from under his eye to his ear. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Zuko.” He barely even notices what he’s saying, because he can feel his orgasm slowly making its way to mounting. When it finally hits him, Azarin feels like everything around them just completely dissipates, and it’s only the two of them as they chase complete pleasure together. Azarin’s vision almost goes white as he comes inside Zuko, groaning into Zuko’s neck, fingers digging into Zuko’s hips and teeth biting down hard enough to elicit a hiss of pain from Zuko himself. He doesn’t immediately notice the flames spilling from around his grip on Zuko’s hips, but Zuko seems to enjoy it, even if he lets out a shocked gasp at the sensation.

Even though he’s mid-orgasm, Azarin removes a hand from Zuko’s hip to wrap around the neglected cock between them, both of them moaning loudly into the hot air around them. It only takes a few strokes for Zuko to come in hot white spurts over both of their torsos, almost _screaming_ Azarin’s name, and if he hadn’t already just had the most incredible orgasm of his life then Azarin would probably be coming, too. Zuko looks so breathtaking as he comes, sweat glistening on his skin, robe falling off his shoulders, head thrown back in pleasure. Azarin wishes he were an artist, so maybe then he could paint Zuko like this to remember him _exactly_ how he is now, forever.

Their breaths are heavy as they come down. Zuko’s head is leaning against Azarin’s and they’re lazily kissing each other, arms wrapped around each other tightly. Azarin has what he thinks is probably the most stupid smile on his face when he pulls back to speak. “I love you so fucking much, Zuko.”

Zuko doesn’t respond. He’s tense from what Azarin can tell, which doesn’t exactly make any sense considering what just happened. The next thing Azarin knows, Zuko is shaking uncontrollably and tears are pouring from his eyes and Azarin doesn’t know what he did wrong but all he wants to do is help. He holds Zuko tighter, but that seems to deter the prince because he flinches at the contact all of a sudden and stands up even though that pulls Azarin’s length out of him a little too quickly. Cum is dripping out of him but Zuko doesn’t seem to notice as he stumbles around, gripping his hair and sobbing and Azarin can’t figure out what the _fuck_ went wrong.

“Zu, please talk to me,” he pleads, standing as well, trying to reach for his husband but Zuko just flinches away, hard enough that he knocks over the table with the tea tray on it. Azarin’s eyes widen. _“Zuko,_ what’s happening? What did I do? I’m so fucking sorry, Zu, I--”

“I-It’s not y-you,” Zuko stutters out, between sobs. He isn’t looking at Azarin, but at least he’s talking. “It’s...it’s my f-father…”

Azarin blinks in confusion, trying to understand or piece something together, but he’s coming up blank. “What does Ozai have to do with us?”

Taking in a deep breath and steadying himself with a grip on the side of the tent, Zuko looks up at him finally, but Azarin halfway wishes he hadn’t. The pain in Zuko’s eyes is completely immeasurable. “H-he...I…” Zuko shakes his head as more tears flow down his cheeks. “I can’t say it, R-Rin...I c-can’t…”

Azarin is still confused, but he tries to think a little harder about what Zuko might be trying to say. “When you went back to live at the palace, did he abuse you?” Azarin wouldn’t put it past Ozai to punish Zuko for his failures over the years, but why would that have this kind of effect on Zuko here, and now? “Is it because I choked you?”

Zuko shakes his head and wraps his arms around himself. “Not n-now...when he b-burned me...he also…” More tears spill from Zuko’s eyes as he shakes his head more, and Azarin feels like his stomach has sunk into the floor when he finally realizes what Zuko is trying to say. This isn’t happening because Azarin was a little rough; this is happening because they had sex to begin with.

“Zuko…” Azarin starts, stepping toward his husband only for him to move away. Azarin feels tears prickling at his eyes. “Zu...did he...did he rape you?”

“Yes.”


	57. sozin's comet: part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: fire on fire - sam smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of rape, ptsd
> 
> follows book three episode twenty: into the inferno
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

Azarin feels like the world around him slows to a devastating stop. He stares at Zuko but he isn’t exactly taking in what he’s seeing, considering his thoughts are running rampant through his mind. It’s been four years and Zuko has never even hinted at the idea that Ozai had done something so horrible to him. Azarin tries to piece together anything that could have indicated this in the past, and other than Zuko’s insane drive to prove himself to his father...he comes up with nothing. It doesn’t seem to make any sense, but does that mean…?

“Did you even remember it happened?” Azarin asks, hating himself for speaking so suddenly because Zuko flinches a little. He wipes a tear from his face, eyes pleading at Zuko for answers. “Before now, all these years, did you remember?”

Zuko shakes his head as he tries to calm his breathing. His eyes are squeezed shut, opening every few seconds while the prince tries to speak. “I-It came b-back into my m-memory...I g-guess I...I--”

“Repressed it?” Azarin finishes for him, and Zuko nods weakly.

“I’m so s-sorry, Rin…” Zuko digs his fingers into his sides as his tears drip down onto the ground in front of him. His eyes find Azarin’s again. “I r-ruined th-this. I ruined our w-wedding night…”

Azarin’s immediate response is to take Zuko’s face in his hands and reassure him, but he tries his best to stay put because he doesn’t want to upset his husband any further by touching him when he very clearly does not want to be touched. _“You_ did not ruin anything, Zuko. Remember when I hurt you because I didn’t want you to touch me? That was me reacting to what my father did to me. It wasn’t my fault, it was his, and that wasn’t me remembering it after _years_ of repressing it. I’m honestly shocked you’re handling this so well, actually.” He keeps his voice soft and tries to smile, but he’s definitely still crying so he’s sure it comes out strained.

“What part of this is me handling it _well?!”_ Zuko’s voice is raised a little and he’s completely stopped stuttering, which Azarin sees as a good sign, even if the prince seems like he’s getting angry. “I’m sobbing, I ruined our first time having sex, I’m probably making you think I didn’t enjoy it, I simultaneously want you to hold me forever and want you to never touch me again...I’m a fucking _mess,_ Azarin.”

Shaking his head and letting out a sigh, Azarin prevents himself from moving forward by sitting down on the bed while he speaks. “You could have hurt me, you could have fought me off of you immediately, you could have run away and made me worry...but you’re here, trying to talk to me about what’s happening.” Azarin tries to convey the comfort he wants to give Zuko through his eyes and the soft tone of his voice. “I don’t think you didn’t enjoy it, and you did _not_ ruin our first time having sex. It was incredible regardless of anything else that happens tonight. You know I’m here for you through anything, Zuko...we just got _married._ I’m not going anywhere and I don’t think about you any differently now that I know this. I just want to help you through it.”

Zuko stares at him while wiping tears from his face and all Azarin wants to do is hold him and kiss him and tell him that it’s okay, tell him that he loves him...but he can’t. Azarin knows Zuko needs space and he wants to give it to him, but at the same time they both rely so much on physical touch for reassurance that he isn’t sure what else he can do if Zuko doesn’t listen to what he’s saying.

“You really help just by being rational while I’m freaking out,” Zuko says this with a hand on his chest, trying to keep his breathing steady. “I just feel so horrible for remembering something so terrible immediately after experiencing the best thing that’s ever happened to me...I’m terrified you won’t want to have sex with me again because of this…”

“That is _not_ going to happen, Zuko. This is something you need to face but we can do that _together,_ and it doesn’t mean we can’t have sex again.” Azarin smiles, and he’s pleasantly surprised when Zuko takes a few hesitant steps toward him. “I can promise you one thing, however.”

Zuko huffs out a laugh from his nose, placing his hands on Azarin’s shoulders once he reaches the bed. “What’s that?”

Azarin is careful when he touches Zuko again. He slides his hands up Zuko’s arms slowly, then softly runs his fingers down his sides to rest at the other’s hips. Zuko winces a little, but stays put and doesn’t flinch, which makes Azarin smile more. “If Aang doesn’t do it, I will _gladly_ kill Ozai.”

“Why are you smiling while you say that?” Zuko asks, fingers gripping Azarin’s shoulders a little harder. Azarin keeps his hands where they are even though he wants to pull Zuko down into his lap and kiss him hard.

“Because,” he says, eyes serious as they look at Zuko. “Nothing would bring me more joy than to end his life. I mean, I’ve wanted to for years just for burning you. But now…”

Zuko actually smiles as he slips a hand into Azarin’s hair. “Now you’re married to me and you’ll do anything, even kill a man, if they hurt your husband?”

“Exactly.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In the morning, Azarin wakes up to burnt out candles and Zuko clinging to him while he sleeps. He takes a few long moments to admire his sleeping husband; his deep breaths, parted lips, the way his hair falls to cover the scarred part of his face. Azarin brings a hand from under the blankets to push aside Zuko’s hair and press his lips to the burned flesh underneath. He kisses softly, over and over, up and down the scar that’s caused Zuko so much pain and turmoil for the last four years. Azarin hates thinking about what happened after Ozai had given it to him, he hates that he wasn’t there to save Zuko. Azarin had been studying for an upcoming firebending exam when Zuko was in the war meeting and it wasn’t until hours later, when guards came to drag him out of the palace because he was banished, that Azarin had learned what happened. It just wasn’t the entire truth, and Azarin now realizes why Zuko had been silent for at least a week after they left the Fire Nation.

“Rin?” Zuko mumbles as he wakes up, bringing Azarin back to the present. He plants more kisses along Zuko’s cheek as he smiles, pulling a cute little laugh out of his husband. “Stop it, that’s my scar, silly.”

Azarin shakes his head, continuing to pepper kisses on Zuko’s skin. “I know. That’s the point.” When he pulls back to look at Zuko, the prince is smiling wide and leans forward to press their lips together softly. Azarin runs his fingers through Zuko’s hair as they pull apart. “Good morning, my beautiful husband.”

Color fills Zuko’s cheeks and he buries his head into Azarin’s chest. “Husband...we really got married, huh?”

“We did,” Azarin responds, his smile growing. He kisses Zuko’s scar again. “And we had an amazing night together, and today we’re gonna take down your family. I don’t think I could even _begin_ to be happier at the moment.” Even though there’s so much more to this day than just taking down Zuko’s family, Azarin has decided that staying positive is the direction he’s going to take. If he can be happy the day before they all might die, then he can be happy on the day of their impending doom, too.

“I just wanna stay in bed with you forever,” Zuko says as he nuzzles his face into Azarin’s chest a little more. His fingers grip at his husband’s sides a little desperately, which makes Azarin worry a bit, but he knows if there’s something wrong then Zuko will talk to him about it. “I don’t wanna face what’s out there.”

Even though he doesn’t explicitly say it, Azarin knows Zuko is talking about his father. It makes complete sense that Zuko doesn’t want to face Ozai after remembering what he did all those years ago. Azarin pulls Zuko a little closer, speaking into his hair. “We aren’t gonna see him, Zu. He’ll be in the Earth Kingdom trying to burn it down, and we’ll be in the Fire Nation dealing with Azula. The only time we’ll have to see him is when he’s dead or thrown in prison, and even then I’ll be there with you. I will _always_ keep you safe, Zuko.”

Zuko is silent for a while. When he speaks again, there’s a hint of a smile in his muffled voice. “We _just_ got married and you’re already reading my mind.”

“Hey, what are husbands for?” Azarin laughs a little and kisses the top of Zuko’s head, but before he can say anything else, there’s a voice outside their tent.

“Hey, dunderheads, time to get up,” It’s Toph, and when neither of them respond, she sends a small rumble through the ground under the bed they’re in. “I know you’re awake and I know you’re not doing something disgusting, so I’m making you both get up before you _do_ start doing something disgusting.”

“We’ll be out in a little bit,” Azarin calls, then lets out a sigh as he looks back to Zuko. “Well...we better get out of bed before Toph beats us up.” He moves to stand from the bed, but Zuko pulls him back down and crashes their lips together. Azarin isn’t going to protest.

Breakfast is filled with talk about their plans for the comet and if Aang is going to even be there to help them fight. Iroh insists he will be, that it’s the Avatar’s destiny to take down the Fire Lord and it’s Zuko’s destiny to take the throne after him. Azarin wholeheartedly agrees, even if Zuko still seems unsure of himself. They all know that Zuko will do well, especially Azarin. Zuko has grown so much over the last year...he’s a completely different person from the boy making it his life’s mission to chase the Avatar across the world to restore his honor. Azarin has utmost confidence in his husband’s ability to lead the Fire Nation into a new age, and he’ll be right there next to Zuko the entire time.

Saying goodbye to Iroh so soon is painful, but hopefully after today, the three of them can have all the time in the world to spend together and catch up. Azarin knows Zuko still has so much to talk to him about, to thank him for, and they’ll get that time soon. Azarin is trying to stay positive about everything because he’s still riding the high of happiness from getting married, but he knows what awaits them all today. Even if they come out on top, it’s still going to be a bloody battle for everyone involved.

Toph, Suki, and Sokka head to the airship base while Azarin, Katara and Zuko take Appa back toward the Fire Nation to deal with Azula at the palace. While Zuko takes the first shift of flying Appa in the right direction, Katara and Azarin sit in the saddle and try to map out a game plan.

“What if we make it seem like one of us isn’t there, and then take her by surprise?” Azarin suggests as he works out the details in his mind. “I could wait until one of you signals me to come, then we can surround her.”

“That won’t work. She’ll know you and Zuko wouldn’t want to be separated. I can hide and wait for your signal.” Katara counters, and she goes to say more, but Zuko interjects.

“No one is hiding,” he says, looking over his shoulder for a moment. “If you’re caught you could be outnumbered and killed. We need to face Azula head on so she thinks she has us figured out, _then_ we can outsmart her. Trying to premeditate an attack will only give her an advantage if she figures it out. We need to lay all our cards out on the table and take it from there.”

Zuko has a point, and he knows his sister better than anyone, so Azarin and Katara agree. “We’re all good at improvising in a fight, anyway,” Azarin comments with a shrug. “And Zuko and I don’t have to avoid each other’s fire anymore, so we can fight together at close range.”

This seems to get Katara’s attention. “Oh, yeah! How does that even work? Have you tried it yet?”

“Uh…” Azarin rubs the back of his neck a little, vaguely remembering the way he couldn’t control his firebending while Zuko was riding him the night before. “We kinda did last night…”

Katara sticks her tongue out in disgust, eyes squeezed shut. “Okay, well, _don’t_ tell me about that, but I’m glad it actually works and you didn’t burn each other on your wedding night.”

Azarin nods. “We should probably test it again because I barely even remember it happening, to be honest. I don’t want one of us accidentally getting burned because we think it’ll work when it won’t.” He reaches over the edge of Appa’s saddle and grabs Zuko by his shirt; the prince protests a little but still complies, getting into the saddle with them while Appa flies alone.

Katara grabs Zuko’s arm and holds it out while Azarin lights a flame in his hand, and Zuko whines a little. “Why does it have to be tested on _me?”_

“Because you aren’t fighting it,” Azarin responds, smiling, then presses his palm firmly to Zuko’s forearm. He expects there to be screaming and fighting, but there isn’t. Zuko’s eyes are shut and he’s just sitting there while Azarin bends fire directly onto his skin. It’s astonishing.

“That feels...really nice,” Zuko says, smiling as he opens his eyes. He looks to Katara next to him. “You don’t have to hold my arm now.”

Katara immediately lets go of Zuko, looking a little awkward. “Sorry…”

“What does it feel like?” Azarin asks, taking his hand away only for Zuko to grip his wrist and hold out his arm in the same way Katara had been holding his. Zuko lights a fire on his arm and Azarin feels like it should hurt, it should burn. He knows firsthand what getting burned feels like, and this isn’t it. This is like the soft push of a breeze on your face, the gentle flow of a stream between your fingers, the comforting feeling of sand under your feet. This feels like fire at its purest form...it feels like energy licking against his skin. Azarin lets out a sigh of satisfaction without realizing it.

“That good, huh?” Katara chimes in, and Azarin looks to see a smirk on her face. “Maybe you should have done it more last night, then.”

Zuko stops and shoves Katara’s shoulder a little, a soft blush creeping into his cheeks. “I don’t even think Azarin realized he was doing it, like he said he barely remembers it.”

“But do _you_ remember it, Zuko?” This time Katara’s tone is much more smug, and Azarin hadn’t realized how much he likes seeing Zuko and Katara interact with each other until now, after all the awkward stages of getting used to not being enemies anymore are over. It makes him happy to see his husband and his best friend getting along after everything they’ve all been through together.

Nodding, Zuko leans forward to wrap his arms around Azarin and bury his face into his chest. “Of course I do. It was really nice, and that’s all I’m saying.” At this, Azarin laughs a little and runs his fingers through Zuko’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Zu,” he says, giving Katara a small wink as she goes to get out of the saddle and steer Appa. “Next time, I’ll make sure to be more aware of what I’m doing, then.”

Zuko lifts his head to look at Azarin questioningly. “Next time?”

Azarin nods, smiling. “I told you what happened is _not_ going to deter me from wanting to have sex with you, Zuko. You’re my husband.” His voice is lower because he doesn’t want Katara to ask about what happened; he doesn’t know if Zuko is okay with telling other people yet, even if it's people he trusts. “We’ll figure out better ways to help you cope, and maybe me being on bottom might help with it, too. There’s plenty of ways to help this, Zu.”

“I don’t want to be on top,” is Zuko’s immediate response. His face fills with redness and he buries his head into Azarin’s chest again. “I liked how we did it...I liked it a lot. I wouldn’t even know what to do if it were reversed.”

“And you think I did?” Azarin counters as he pulls Zuko tighter to him. Zuko seems to always think that Azarin is some wise, experienced being just because Azarin made the right choices before he did, when in reality he’s just a teenage boy like Zuko is. Sure, Azarin chose a different path a lot sooner than Zuko had, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t make mistakes both before and after he made that decision. Azarin isn’t perfect, but Zuko always likes to think he is.

“Well…” Zuko starts, sounding unsure of himself now. “You were with Sokka...and the only experience I have is Mai and that one boy I made out with.”

Azarin blinks, and shakes his head. “You think Sokka and I had sex? Zuko...no.”

Zuko takes a while to respond, and he’s shifting uncomfortably in Azarin’s arms but Azarin refuses to let him go. “Well I feel stupid now. That was something that made me insecure...because what if I didn’t end up being as good as Sokka?”

“Don’t feel stupid,” Azarin reassures. “We haven’t exactly talked _in depth_ about my thing with Sokka yet, but you have no reason to feel insecure, Zu. Even if Sokka and I had done more, you’re still my husband, and anything with you is going to be ten times better than something with someone else simply because I’m not in love with them...I’m in love with _you.”_

Pulling back to look at Azarin again, Zuko smiles and presses their lips together briefly. “How do you do that?” Zuko looks amazed, like he’s admiring everything about Azarin. It fills Azarin’s chest with warmth.

“Do what?”

“Make me feel better just by being honest with me?” This isn’t what Azarin expects to hear from Zuko, but then again he doesn’t even know exactly what he was expecting to begin with.

Azarin takes a moment to think over his words while his eyes take in the details of Zuko’s face. “It isn’t me, I don’t think. People have been lying to you your entire life, Zuko. Including me. I lied to you for years because I was afraid, but I’m also the only person you’re close to other than your uncle that’s ever been truly honest with you. So, when I say things, you know I mean them and I’m not lying or manipulating you. That _has_ to feel good.”

Zuko smiles so bright that Azarin thinks his own heart is going to fill to bursting. He pushes Azarin’s hair from his face and rests his palm against his jaw. “It’s the best feeling in the world.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hours pass. They go through two rotations of the three of them before they finally reach the Fire Nation, and by this time it’s dark. Azarin starts to wonder if they got the day of the comet wrong somehow, but the second the thought crosses his mind, the sky begins to light up as if the sun is coming back out. He feels a surge of heat in his body and it makes him sit up to look at the magnificence of the comet sailing across the sky. Azarin feels like he could take over the world with the power the comet is giving him. He realizes a few moments later that is exactly the problem they’re facing.

“You feel it, Rin?” Zuko asks, from Appa’s neck, taking in a deep breath. When he exhales there’s fire, so much that it singes some of Appa’s fur. Azarin blinks.

Gesturing for Katara to move toward the back of the saddle, Azarin stands as they fly over the Fire Nation and when he punches up into the air, the largest stream of fire he’s ever seen erupts from his fist. The force of it knocks him back down into the saddle and Katara rushes to him asking if he’s okay, but Azarin is smiling.

“Okay, I can _definitely_ see how this could easily go to someone’s head,” he says, using Katara’s arm to sit himself upright again. “I feel literally invincible.”

“Me too,” Zuko adds, and it’s only now that Azarin sees how tightly his husband is gripping Appa’s reins. His fingernails have to be digging into his own skin at this point. Azarin reaches out and gently grips his shoulder; he knows Zuko must be itching to firebend, if Azarin feels _this_ incredible and he’s not even a natural born firebender.

“Keep it together, guys,” Katara says. She sounds worried. “We still have a little while to go.”

When they do finally reach the palace, it’s almost too late. Azarin can see the Council about to crown Azula and when they land, he immediately jumps down from the saddle to see Azula confused, staring at the three of them in shock.

Zuko steps forward, fists clenched as Appa flies away. “Sorry, but you’re _not_ becoming Fire Lord today. I am.”

Azula laughs and the sound isn’t pleasant, but Azarin notices how unkempt she looks and he finds it amusing. She’s normally primped down to her toenails...what happened? “You’re _hilarious,_ Zuko.”

“And you’re going down,” Katara chimes in, determination on her face. It makes Azarin smile as he steps next to Zuko, taking his hand.

“Sorry to ruin your coronation, Azula.”

Her sharp eyes move to him and she looks like she wants to lunge forward, but doesn’t. “Do _not_ speak to me, you treacherous leech!”

“Actually,” Azarin counters, holding a finger up and pointing to the crown on his head. “I believe you have to address me as Prince now.”

Azula’s eyes go wide as she looks down to their hands, rings on their fingers, then back up to the crown on Azarin’s head. Her voice is completely incredulous when she speaks again. “You...you’re _married?!_ But how?”

“Uncle,” Zuko says, squeezing Azarin’s hand. Azula seethes.

“I suppose congratulations are in order, brother. How about a swift death as a wedding gift?” She holds her hand up to stop the man behind her from actually crowning her. “You want to be Fire Lord? Fine. Let’s settle this, just you and me, brother. The showdown that was always meant to be...Agni Kai!”

Before Azarin can stop him, Zuko is letting go of him and stepping forward, confidence brimming in his voice. “You’re on.”

“What are you doing, Zuko?” Azarin questions, pulling Zuko back to face him. “She's playing you. She knows she can't take all three of us so she’s trying to separate us.”

Zuko shakes his head. “I know, but I can take her this time.”

“But even you admitted to your uncle that you’d need help facing her…” Katara interjects, a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. Maybe Sokka was right, and Azarin and Katara do share a brain, because he was thinking the exact same thing.

“There's something off about her, I can't explain it but she's slipping.” Zuko’s eyes move from Katara to Azarin, who doesn’t think he’s ever seen Zuko this serious. “And this way, no one else has to get hurt.”

Azarin doesn’t like this. He knows this is giving Azula exactly what she wants and she’ll probably even cheat to win, but at least at that point, he and Katara can intervene and end it. He sighs, stepping forward and pressing his lips to Zuko’s forehead, speaking into his hair. “Take her down, Zu.” When Azarin pulls back to step away, Zuko wraps his arms around his shoulders and crashes their lips together in a deep kiss that feels like a goodbye.

It’s after they say they love each other and separate that Azarin realizes Zuko kissed him like that because he may not survive the fight.


	58. halloween special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy halloween!

hello all! i am underway with another canon chapter but I decided to write a zurin vampire au for halloween! i hope you guys enjoy it and the next chapter will be up in a few days<3

[click for 'all the way to the graveyard' the zurin halloween special](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27237916)


	59. sozin's comet: part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: fire on fire - sam smith (yes i know this was the last chapter's theme but I wasn't planning on splitting up the agni kai at first but then it just happened so you get the same song twice)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episodes twenty and twenty one: into the inferno / avatar aang
> 
> tw/cw: ptsd, violence, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“I’m sorry it has to end this way,  _ brother,” _ Azula sneers, robe dropping from her shoulders, and Azarin thinks he agrees with Zuko that something is  _ really _ off about her. He grips Katara’s hand tighter as they watch Zuko move into his bending stance.

“No,” he says, letting out a breath. “You’re not.”

And then the fire rages.

The heat is nearly unbearable, and Azarin guesses that neither Zuko nor Azula realizes just how incredibly  _ large _ their flames are because of the power from the comet, at least not until Zuko ends up burning the side of the palace. Azula has the same look on her face as she used to when they were kids and Zuko would break something that belonged to her. She already views the palace as  _ hers, _ and she’s most likely only fighting Zuko so she can kill him in the end. Azarin hates it so much because he came here to fight, he and Katara both did, but Zuko is stubborn and headstrong and when he gets an idea in his head it takes moving mountains to get him to change it. Azarin knows that firsthand.

Zuko is fighting like a firebending master. Azarin has never seen him this calculated or thoughtful with his approach and he honestly couldn’t be more proud. His eyes are glued to the scene in front of him, even as he tries to shield Katara from the flames that spill through the arena seats. She looks like she has pride in her eyes, too.

“Has he ever fought her like this? Has he ever fought so…” Katara trails off a little, but doesn’t take her eyes off of the way Zuko is fighting. Azarin shakes his head even though she can’t see it.

“Passionately?” He finishes for her. His eyes widen when he sees Zuko send not one, but  _ two _ giant streams of fire from one fist toward the ground. They swirl in and out of each other just before reaching Azula, and they almost burn her, but she jumps out of the way just in time. Azarin lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. “No. I’ve never seen him fight this way. He used to think fighting you and Aang and Sokka meant he was fighting for his honor, but this... _ this _ is fighting for his honor. This is fighting for his nation. This is fighting for what’s  _ right, _ and I think he knows that.”

Katara squeezes Azarin’s arm as more heat heads their way, but she doesn’t respond. Azula is fighting just as she always does, but Zuko is countering better than he ever has. The power of Sozin’s comet combined with his drive to win makes him the better opponent in the end. Azula slips up, and underestimates him, and Zuko sends her flying back into the ground with the same move he learned from Azarin a year ago, only this time it’s amplified. Azarin’s chest fills with pride because Zuko won, Azula hit the ground and Zuko  _ won. _

Azarin pulls Katara with him as he gets up, running down into the arena only to find Zuko taunting Azula, which is a terrible,  _ awful _ idea because he’s already won and Azula is a conniving snake.

“No lightning today?” Zuko’s voice is childish, and Azarin wants to scream at him to shut his fucking mouth. “What’s the matter, afraid I’ll redirect it?”

“Zuko, stop!” Azarin calls, trying to run forward, but Katara is holding him back. “You’ve already won, Zuko, don’t taunt her!”

Azula snarls. “I’ll show  _ you _ lightning!” Her hair lifts into the air as lightning begins to crackle and swirl around her, but she keeps it tightly packed into her body for a short while. Her eyes narrow dangerously and lock with his own as he stands far behind Zuko. He knows what she’s going to do before it even happens. Azula releases her lightning, but not at Zuko. She aims it toward Azarin, directly at his heart, and if it hits him then he’ll instantly be dead. In a split second decision, he pulls himself out of Katara’s grip and runs forward, fingers outstretched to take in the strike, but it never comes.

It never comes because Zuko jumps in the way, taking in all of the burning electricity but only releasing a fraction of it as he falls to the ground. The lightning surges around him as he curls in on himself and in an instant Azarin is on his knees next to Zuko, not caring in the slightest that he’s getting shocked each time he touches him.

“Zu, fuck, why are you  _ so _ stupid?” Tears flood Azarin’s vision as he holds Zuko’s body to his own, and even though they’d both been prepared to die today, it’s still tearing him apart watching his husband die in his arms while there’s absolutely nothing he can do to save him. “You can’t die, you can’t die, you can’t fucking die like this, Zuko!”

“Azarin, I can heal him! Just--” Katara’s voice calls from behind him, but Azula sends another strike of lightning toward her so she can’t reach him. Azarin has had enough.

“How. Fucking.  **_DARE_ ** _ YOU.” _ Azarin screams the words and fire pours from his throat at the end as he stands up, facing Azula and starting to walk toward her with his hands lit on fire. The flames spill up his arms as he speaks. “You want to play dirty? Then let’s fucking go, Azula.”

The smile on Azula’s face is absolutely insane. “Gladly.”

Azarin holds back nothing. Every single strike he makes is aimed to kill and every single one comes so close that the sweet taste of Azula’s death is on his tongue. The power surging through him is urging him on even more, and it doesn’t take long for him to start fighting with lightning. Azula follows suit and they end up locked together in an endless circle, both completely passionate about killing each other and setting nearly everything around them on fire as they strike over and over again with lightning. The utter rage Azarin feels is unlike anything he’s ever felt before.

After Azarin’s next attack, Azula disappears, but her voice comes from somewhere behind him. “I’m  _ truly _ hurt that I wasn’t invited to your wedding, ZaZa. I thought we were friends!”

Azarin quickly turns and strikes against the air. “You don’t  _ have _ any friends, Azula. You’re just a sad little girl that mommy never loved.” He smiles when Azula comes out from behind a pillar and attacks him again, but this time she acted impulsively and used fire instead of lightning. Azarin does the same and holds her flames off with his own as their fire rises into the sky, but he almost falters when he feels Katara’s hands on his shoulders behind him.

“Lure her to the grates under the awning,” she says, into his ear. He looks at her a little desperately, because what about-- “I already healed Zuko. He’s acting like he’s still hurt so she won’t attack him again. I have a plan.  _ The grates, _ Azarin.” Katara is gone before he can say anything in response, but he most likely wouldn’t have even been able to, anyway. Azula pushes him back and he breaks his stream to duck and run under the awning like Katara had told him, even despite the taunting Azula is doing because she thinks he’s running away.

Azula follows him and the next thing Azarin knows, he’s completely surrounded by ice, as is Azula and Katara, herself. He stares at Katara, unable to breathe, as she halfway melts only herself from the ice and pulls a metal chain from behind her back, moving behind Azula to pull the princess’s hands together. Katara moves through the ice and water and chains Azula to the metal grate beneath them, and Azarin is astonished as he watches her. She single handedly saved their lives.

When Katara finally completely melts the ice around them, Azarin drops to the ground and gasps for air as he drips water. Azula is screaming, and crying, and writhing around on the grate, spitting huge flames from her mouth and Azarin knows she’s finally cracked. She didn’t expect to be beaten at all, and she most certainly didn’t expect to be beaten by a waterbender. Azarin would smile if he weren’t trying so hard to breathe.

“Are you okay?” Katara asks, pulling him to his feet and out of range of Azula’s crazed flames.

Azarin nods and throws his arms around her, holding her tightly. “Thank you, Katara.”

She smiles up at him with tears in her eyes, shaking her head. “I think we should both be thanking Zuko.” Katara turns her head and Azarin does too, only to see Zuko struggling to get up from the ground. They separate and Katara is the first one to get to him, helping Zuko up and pulling him into an embrace. It warms Azarin’s heart seeing them together.

Zuko’s eyes find him and there’s a soft smile on the prince’s lips, even as Katara lets him go and steps aside. Azarin rushes to Zuko and kisses him hard, because they both just almost died and he needs to feel Zuko close to him, he needs to know Zuko is here, that Zuko is alive and that he’s kissing him. Azarin needs to know that Zuko isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” Azarin whispers against Zuko’s lips, who laughs in response.

“I lived, didn’t I?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko insists that prison is too much for Azula. After witnessing her complete and utter breakdown, Zuko feels pity for his sister, and even though Azarin protests because she tried to kill them all, he can’t do anything about it. Zuko’s coronation is in a few days, and anything Zuko says must be enacted, even if he hasn’t been crowned yet. So, Zuko sends Azula to a mental hospital far, far away, hoping that it will help her through whatever is going on with her. Azarin knows it won’t help anything, that Azula is far too gone to be helped, but he isn’t about to tell his husband that.

Their first night in the palace is horrible. Everything Zuko sees triggers him back to memories of what his father did to him, and they get absolutely no sleep because the palace staff insists the new Fire Lord sleeps in the Fire Lord’s chambers, but they don’t seem to get that using that room is the absolute  _ worst _ idea for Zuko. They try to bear through it, though, because they can choose a different room after the coronation. Still, getting no sleep and having meetings with politicians the next day isn’t good.

The day after the comet is filled with Zuko meeting people he already knows, as well as him trying to get the Council to let Azarin into the coronation meeting. Even though he’s successful in that, they’re running into problems with trying to get the Fire Sages and Fire Council to properly acknowledge their marriage. The old men don’t seem to grasp the concept that Zuko plans to get rid of the law banning same gender relationships, so making a place for Azarin within their politics is crucial. He doesn’t want to cause problems for Zuko, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to just sit in the background and let these people erase his existence because of their own ignorance and bigotry.

“What if we’re both Fire Lord?” Zuko suggests, voice sounding more frustrated the longer this meeting is. “At least then,  _ everything _ wouldn’t fall on my shoulders. Azarin is a great leader, and if you just give him a chance--”

“This just isn’t how things work, my Lord,” a Sage interrupts Zuko, shaking his head. “We know that with your reign, things will have to change. We have already agreed to acknowledge your marriage, Lord Zuko. But  _ two _ Fire Lords...it’s just unheard of.”

“And a spellbender, at that. Preposterous,” a Councilman adds, eyeing Azarin, who stands from his seat and lights his hand on fire.

“I guarantee that not a  _ single _ one of you could beat me in a fight, so how about we stop belittling me with the whole spellbender business, hm?” He’s really tried to control his anger this whole time, but he’s tired and hungry and he misses Katara and he wants these old men to just shut the fuck up and let Zuko do what he wants already. Azarin has officially decided he  _ hates _ politics.

Zuko grabs Azarin’s flaming hand and pulls him back down into his seat. “Getting upset won’t help anything, Azarin,” Zuko’s voice is low, and Azarin sighs as he nods, sitting back in his chair and shutting his mouth again. Zuko clears his throat and turns his attention back to the rest of the men at the table. “Just because it’s unheard of doesn’t mean we can’t do it. Azarin and I are ushering in a new era for the Fire Nation, with the help of the Avatar. It isn’t going to be easy undoing all the damage my family has done with this war, and I’m going to need all the help I can get. Azarin can’t just sit by biding his time while I’m off helping to mend the world.”

“I suppose writing a new law giving the spouse of the Fire Lord more responsibility wouldn’t be too difficult. I only fear that the public will riot against you, my Lord.” A different Sage actually has a good point; what if the public doesn’t like all the changes Zuko makes to the Fire Nation? What if they call for him to be removed from the throne?

“Riot against what?” Zuko counters, sounding incredulous. Azarin grins from his seat. “Me giving my husband something to do because the laws of this country are inherently sexist and expect spouses to be women, and those women just have absolutely nothing to do with themselves except spit out children?”

Oh, man. Azarin  _ loves _ hearing Zuko talk like that, he loves hearing Zuko stand up for what’s right, especially when the reaction from the room is  _ this _ amusing. All the men at the table have their mouths hung open and Azarin thinks Zuko is going to be an  _ incredible _ Fire Lord.

“With all due respect, Lord Zuko, there is just simply nothing we can do if the public doesn’t agree with you,” a Councilman, the one that called Azarin a spellbender, speaks up again. “And I’m not quite sure what responsibilities the Fire Lord doesn’t have that could be delegated to your spouse.”

“Azarin,” Zuko corrects, his voice stern as his fists are clenched on top of the table. “His name is Azarin. He isn’t an object, he isn’t  _ just _ a spouse. He’s my husband, and I want him to have an important role in leading this nation. Until you can all help us figure out how to do that, then this meeting is over.”

When Zuko stands, so does Azarin, and he slings his arm around his husband’s shoulders, sending a small flame toward the old men around the table as they walk out.

Zuko still needs a little help walking because of the giant lightning wound in the middle of his abdomen, but that isn’t really an issue considering Azarin is always around. They make their way through the corridors a little slowly, but they have all the time in the world now. The war is over, there’s no more impending doom, and their biggest problem is trying to decide what bedroom they want out of the hundreds in the palace.

“You know, you’re hot when you take charge of an entire country,” Azarin comments as they walk, smirk on his lips, and Zuko just laughs.

“I’m just trying to get them to take you seriously. They won’t unless I put my foot down.” Zuko winces a little at the end of his sentence as they go up a few steps, and Azarin holds him a little tighter. “We’re going to see Katara, right? The pain’s getting a little worse the more I move.”

Azarin nods. “Almost there, Zu.”

The next corner they round is the Hall of Fire Lords, with the gargantuan banner portraits of past leaders of the Fire Nation staring them down as they pass by. Azarin gets a little tense the closer they get to Ozai’s portrait and he tries to keep Zuko’s vision from the direction of the wall, but Zuko stumbles a little, falling, and that plan fails. The prince looks up directly at his father’s face, frozen in place until he starts shaking and reaching for Azarin again. “R-Rin…”

“Shh, I know,” Azarin immediately helps Zuko back to his feet, but Zuko doesn’t stop staring at the banner of Ozai and his shaking gets worse, tears streaming down his cheeks. Azarin tries to pull Zuko’s head to face him. “Zuko, look at me. Hey,  _ please _ look at me…” Finally, Zuko turns his head to look at Azarin, but immediately jumps back and falls down to the floor again. Azarin steps toward him but Zuko cowers into himself, hands out to prevent Azarin getting any closer. Azarin can’t stop the flow of tears that spills from his eyes because all he wants to do is help Zuko, but he’s just making everything worse for him. “Zu...it’s me... _ please _ listen to my voice. I’m not Ozai, I’m Azarin, your husband, your--”

“Get  _ away _ from me!” Zuko screams, and  _ oh fuck, _ Azarin can hear footsteps nearing them. This isn’t good. “Don’t touch me!”

Guards appear from several halls and try to apprehend Azarin, but he slashes fire at every one of them and keeps a close distance to Zuko as he does so. They stop, forming a circle around him, some with spears out and others with their hands, ready to attack. Azarin narrows his eyes at them. “I promise every one of you that you have  _ no idea _ what is going on here, so I suggest you  _ back the fuck up _ before you all lose your jobs, or your lives.”

“The Fire Lord is in distress--”

“He isn’t the Fire Lord yet so it isn’t your job to protect him, that still lies on me, so as I said…” Azarin pushes fire out at them, making them all step away a little. “Back. The  _ fuck. _ Up.”

“What’s going on out here?” Aang’s voice comes from outside the circle of guards and he pushes through to see Azarin protecting a shaking Zuko on the ground. He looks up at the guards. “Do you really think Zuko’s  _ husband _ is hurting him? This clearly doesn’t concern any of you.”

Several of the guards bow, backing away. “Avatar Aang, our sincerest apologies.”

Once they’re all gone, Azarin relaxes a little, turning to Aang and letting out a sigh. “Thanks, Aang. I can’t believe I have to protect Zuko from his own guards.”

Aang looks behind Azarin, face filled with concern. “Is he okay? Should we do something? Is it the lightning wound?”

“He’ll be okay,” Azarin says, not really knowing if that’s even true or not. “Being back here just brings back some pretty bad memories for him, especially that giant portrait of his father.” They both look up at it, then back to each other. Azarin tries to smile. “Will you help me get him to Katara? He needs another healing session.”

Aang nods, and with Zuko trying to fight them both off, they finally get him to Katara’s room. Zuko calms down once he’s on the bed and Katara’s healing hands are working over his wound. Aang stands behind her looking anxious while Azarin sits on the bed on Zuko’s other side, gripping his hand tightly. When Katara is finished, Zuko finally opens his eyes again and blinks up at the ceiling.

“I...what happened?” He asks, fingers tightening in Azarin’s hand a little.

“You saw Ozai’s portrait,” Azarin says, trying to keep his voice soft.

Zuko’s eyes widen a little. “Oh…”

“Aang,” Katara says, turning to face the Avatar. “Will you go get Zuko some clean water? I don’t want him drinking my dirty bending water.”

Aang looks confused. “Can’t you just take water out of the air…?”

Katara steps to him, pressing a soft kiss to his head. “Please, Aang?” That’s all it seems to take for Aang to be out the door, cheeks flushed pink as he goes. Katara turns back to face Azarin and Zuko, arms crossed over her chest and voice much harsher than how she was just speaking to Aang. “Do you two wanna tell me what’s going on, here?”

Azarin and Zuko exchange glances. Zuko sits up, with a little help, shaking his head. “Not really.”

Katara looks over them both, her eyes stopping to lock with Azarin’s, but he looks away. He doesn’t like keeping things from Katara, but this isn’t his secret to tell. If she figures it out, then fine, but he isn’t going to tell  _ anyone _ what happened to Zuko because it isn’t his to tell, and that includes keeping Katara in the dark if that’s what Zuko wants to do.

“You know,” Katara speaks up again and Azarin looks at her once more. “I’m almost positive that if either of you had told Aang about Ozai abusing Zuko, he wouldn’t have let him live like he did.”

Zuko squeezes Azarin’s hand almost painfully tight, shutting his eyes again. Azarin sighs, shaking his head. “That’s...not even the half of it, Katara. We wouldn’t have even been able to tell Aang, anyway, because Zuko only remembered it the night of the wedding and Aang was still missing.”

Katara’s eyes narrow in confusion. “The night of the…” And then her eyes are blown wide in realization. She backs up a little, catching herself on the chair a few steps behind her. “Oh,  _ Spirits. _ Fucking hell. I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Katara stares down at the floor and Azarin’s gaze goes to his husband, whose face is flushed red. He pulls Zuko into his arms and lets him hide in his chest. “You’re telling me,” Azarin says, fingers untying Zuko’s topknot so he can run them through the other’s hair. “And this palace is just a standing reminder of everything that happened.”

“I literally can’t walk into any room, through any corridor without being reminded of my father,” Zuko chimes in, voice a little muffled from speaking into Azarin’s robes. “I can’t even hear people say ‘Fire Lord’ without it bothering me. I have no idea how I’m going to do this, especially if the Council doesn’t give Azarin a proper place by my side. I can’t do this without him.”

Katara stands from her seat and moves to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and placing a reassuring hand on Zuko’s leg. Zuko lifts his head to look at her, and she smiles softly at him. “You guys will figure it out, and you’ll have Azarin. Do you really think he’s gonna let a bunch of crusty old men tell him he can’t be by your side?”

This makes Azarin laugh a little. “She’s right, Zu. Even if it takes a while for us to change the laws in our favor, I’ll still be here for whatever you need. Whenever you need me.” Zuko looks up at him and presses their lips together briefly, only cut off by the door opening and shutting again.

Aang has a bin of fresh water and a cup in his hands, and he smiles as he sets the bin on the floor next to the bed, then bends the water into the cup, handing it to Zuko for him to drink. Zuko thanks him, and Katara squeezes his arm in silent gratitude, but Aang’s eyes go to Azarin. “Hey, Azarin, can I talk to you about something? We can go for a walk, if that’s okay?”

Azarin is a little confused, but he nods, kissing Zuko on the cheek before getting off the bed and following Aang out into the palace. “What’s this about, Aang? Is it Katara?”

The Avatar shakes his head, looking nervous. “No, but I do wanna get your advice on that at some point, too.” Aang stops just as they head outside into the courtyard, looking up at Azarin with a serious glint in his eyes. “I took away Ozai’s bending.”

“Yeah...we all know that,” Azarin comments, looking at Aang incredulously. “You had a two day trip with a lionturtle and he told you how to bend someone’s energy.”

Aang nods, and they continue walking down onto the grass of the courtyard. “I took away his bending, but because the world requires balance, I have to put it somewhere or destroy it. If I don’t, it will destroy  _ me _ trying to fight its way back into Ozai.”

Azarin seems to be missing the point, here, so he tries to understand. “I mean, that sounds like normal Avatar stuff...why are you talking to me about it?”

“Well, for one, you give really great advice and you’re my friend. For two…” Aang trails off, then lets out a sigh as he stops walking again, and he takes Azarin’s hands into his own. It’s an odd feeling, because Azarin doesn’t recall ever holding Aang’s hand, but it’s a sweet sentiment between him and his friend. “If his bending has to go anywhere, I want it to go to you.”

Azarin doesn’t think he heard that clearly. Aang wants to  _ what? _ “Uh...excuse me? You want to put Ozai’s bending inside  _ me?” _

“Yes,” Aang responds, like that just solves everything, but then he goes on to explain as he smiles up at Azarin, squeezing his hands. “It can’t stay in me because I already have the ability to firebend. That’s why it’s trying to fight its way out, why it still thinks it belongs to Ozai. But you’re a spellbender, Azarin. You aren’t a natural born firebender, and if I put his bending into you, you’ll become one. His bending ability will become yours, it will adhere to you, and it will no longer belong to him.”

Azarin is stunned. He can’t believe Aang hasn’t destroyed Ozai’s bending yet if that was an option, but he can’t believe even more that Aang hasn’t destroyed it yet  _ because he wants to give it to Azarin. _ “I...don’t know what to say, Aang…”

“You don’t have to say anything. From what you’ve told me, the Fire Nation doesn’t even know spellbenders exist because Azulon had them wiped from history. Those that do know are prejudiced against them because of how Azulon painted them back then. It isn’t fair for you to be treated like you’re less than someone else because of something that’s out of your control.” Aang slides his hands up Azarin’s arms, smile growing. “You were born a spellbender. That wasn’t your choice. It isn’t your choice how you’ll be treated by Zuko’s subjects because of it. But this  _ would _ be your choice, Azarin. When you lost your bending, it tore you apart inside. You felt useless, and I know how that feels. You shouldn’t have to feel that way ever again, and if I can prevent that from happening, then I will. I can’t think of anyone more deserving to be a firebender than you.”

Azarin starts crying. He can’t control it...the tears just start spilling and he wipes them away with his hand, trying to gather himself enough to respond. Aang is being so thoughtful and considerate, and he’s being eaten alive just to give Azarin the choice he never had. Azarin doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to thank Aang enough for just considering doing this for him, and he will never  _ ever _ be able to show enough gratitude to the Avatar for actually doing it.

“I’m sorry I’m crying, I just…” Azarin starts, pressing his palms into his eyes to try and stop his tears. “This is such an incredible thing for you to do for me, Aang. Thank you so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you enough…”

Aang shrugs. “You don’t have to. This is me thanking  _ you _ for everything you’ve done...for me, for Sokka, for Katara and Toph. For Zuko. You’re an incredible person, Azarin, and an even more incredible friend. You deserve the ability to bend more than Ozai does, and I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I destroyed it before giving you the choice to take it.” The Avatar pauses a moment, tapping his chin with a finger. “Although, you didn’t invite me to your wedding, so I’m actually reconsidering…”

Azarin rolls his eyes and shoves Aang back a little, shaking his head but smiling.  _ “You’re _ the one that disappeared for two days, genius.”

“I already told you, I was kidnapped by a lionturtle!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Aang and Azarin tell the rest of the group their plan, they don’t expect Zuko of all people to be the one against it.

“This is  _ such _ a bad idea, Aang, why haven’t you destroyed it yet?!” Zuko exclaims, looking frantic and panicked. Azarin wants to reassure him, but he’s in too much shock to do anything, honestly.

“Because Azarin deserves to have it,” Aang responds, sternly. “What are you so afraid of?”

Zuko stands up quickly, hissing in pain from the wound on his chest and sitting back down immediately. “What am I afraid of? I’m afraid of my husband inheriting my abusive father’s bending ability! Why am I the  _ only _ one that sees how insane of an idea this is?” Zuko looks around to the others for backup, but the rest of them just look away, and he growls in frustration. “I’m not crazy, guys! This could make Azarin into someone he’s not! Why doesn’t anyone else seem to see that?”

“Because if Aang is offering it to me, then he’s already thought about the risks and he knows how it works.” Azarin finally speaks up, trying not to sound frustrated. Zuko is just paranoid of Azarin becoming Ozai, but Azarin is pretty sure that’s not how this is going to work. “He wouldn’t put my life in danger and he wouldn’t do something that would change me as a person.”

“Exactly,” Sokka agrees, and even if it isn’t that much of a help, Azarin still smiles at him.

“Just because it came from Ozai doesn’t mean it has any kind of trace of him as a person tied to it, Zuko,” Aang adds on. “Yes, it’s trying to get out of me to get back to him, but that’s only because Ozai is the only person it knows. The energy wants to go back to the source it came from, but I can reroute it and bend it to Azarin’s energy, and then it will be  _ his, _ not Ozai’s.”

Zuko seems to think this over for a few moments as he looks between Aang and Azarin. “So...what you’re saying is...it no longer belongs to my father? It’s only trying to get back to him because his energy is the only energy it knows?”

Aang nods, smiling a little. “It’s just the ability to bend fire. It belongs to no one right now.”

There’s a long pause in the room until Zuko stands up. Immediately, Azarin goes to him to help him remain on his feet, and Zuko presses a kiss to his husband’s head. “I guess I have nothing to be worried about, then, huh?”

“Yeah, prince pouty, that was  _ kinda _ the whole point to begin with,” Toph comments, arms crossed over her chest as she sits in a chair across the room. “I can’t believe you’re so dramatic.”

In case the process is anything like the Avatar State, they head outside to the bending arena to do it. Aang assures that it probably won’t hurt, or take too long, considering that when he took Ozai’s bending the most that happened was a bunch of light spilling out from their bodies. He says Ozai didn’t complain about it hurting, but in Azarin’s eyes that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Ozai doesn’t seem like the kind of person to complain about being in pain.

With everyone else seated far away from them, Aang and Azarin face each other in the center of the arena. Azarin is nervous now, mainly because of how paranoid and anxious Zuko is, but he also doesn’t know how this is going to turn out. Is Aang going to replace the magic in his blood with real bending? Is Aang  _ completely _ sure that none of Ozai is left within the bending energy? Is he sure that this will even work?

“Hey, it’ll be alright,” Aang says, bringing Azarin out of his worries to look down at the Avatar. Aang smiles at him, but it turns into an awkward one pretty quickly. “Can you, um...can you kneel? If you don’t mind...you’re just so tall…”

Azarin sighs dramatically to lighten the mood a little, but drops down to his knees despite it. “I can’t believe you’re letting the Avatar title finally get to your head, Aang.”

Rolling his eyes, Aang places his palms on Azarin’s forehead and in the center of his chest, then takes in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. Azarin does the same, closing his eyes and waiting for something to happen. When he finally does, he can’t even begin to describe how it feels. It’s the most intense sensation of pure energy flowing through his body that he’s ever felt, and his eyes burst open but his vision is nothing but white. All he can think about is the feeling of fire pushing through every vein in his body, burning him in both the best and worst way possible. He wants to scream, but he isn’t sure why, because the feeling isn’t exactly painful. There’s just so much going on inside him that he feels the need to scream.

When it ends, Azarin falls to the ground and so does Aang. He vaguely hears the rushing of footsteps through the pounding in his ears, but he definitely feels the familiar embrace of his husband’s arms around him and it makes him smile.

“Zuko…” Azarin murmurs, a smile wide across his face. He opens his eyes to see Zuko’s concerned expression staring at him.

“You’re so stupid, why are you smiling?” Zuko asks, shaking his head. “You could have just died.”

Azarin’s grin just gets bigger. “I lived, didn’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't expect this to almost reach 6k but it happened so i hope you enjoyed. the next chapter will be the final chapter of the main fic/canon storyline! I'm so grateful to all of you for reading this and I'm also proud of myself for making it this far tbh. i appreciate all of you!!! <3


	60. fire lord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter theme: kids again - sam smith / around - niki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follows book three episode twenty one: avatar aang
> 
> [click to listen to the zurin playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DDmbsUx1E36RsvagTNwKp?si=fExhKeqkQBencPL2-1aTlA)

“Azarin…” Zuko breathes out, back against the wall, fingers threaded in long, dark hair as Azarin mouths his way across his neck. Zuko’s hips roll forward with a whine from the prince and Azarin smiles into his skin, because making Zuko needy for him is his newest hobby.

In all honesty, they really shouldn’t be making out against the wall of a random bedroom they’d found, because they need to be brainstorming ways to incorporate Azarin more into the Fire Lord’s political life. This is just one of the first moments they’ve had alone together since they got to the palace, and even though Zuko’s coronation is the very next day...taking a few moments for themselves couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Azarin...we need to... _fuck,”_ Zuko moans at the end of his sentence when Azarin grips his hips and grinds against him. Azarin lifts his head to look at Zuko, smirk prominent on his lips.

“I agree,” he says, then dips down to kiss and lick and suck more on Zuko’s neck, speaking into his skin. “We _do_ need to fuck.”

Zuko moans again and his hands grip Azarin’s hair because his knees are _actually_ weak enough to make him slide down the wall a bit. His voice is shaky when he speaks again. “I...I want to…”

Azarin rakes his teeth along Zuko’s jawline. “You want to, but…?” He bites lightly on Zuko’s neck, a hand slipping between them to palm between Zuko’s legs, which makes the prince whine again. Azarin will never get tired of hearing that sound.

“But...people…” Zuko starts, his voice weak as he bucks his hips forward over and over again. “Anyone could walk in…”

“But doesn’t that make it _so_ much better?” Azarin comments just before crashing his lips against Zuko’s in a wild, devouring kiss. He’s too far gone to care about anyone finding them. He just wants Zuko. “You’re right. Anyone could walk in and see the future Fire Lord on his knees for me.”

Before Zuko can counter with the fact that he is _not_ currently on his knees, Azarin shoves him down into the position. Zuko immediately starts rubbing his head into Azarin’s groin, which feels incredible, and Azarin doesn’t know how he got so lucky that he and Zuko fit so well together in just about every single aspect of their relationship. Romantically, emotionally, sexually — they’re two halves of a whole. 

“Wait,” Azarin says as a sudden realization hits him. Wait...Zuko, stop.”

Zuko has the tie on Azarin’s pants halfway undone when he looks up, confused. “Did I do something wrong?”

Azarin shakes his head, smiling wide as he pulls Zuko back to his feet. He takes Zuko’s face in his hands and kisses him repeatedly. “No, never. You’re fucking perfect. But we need to call a meeting with the Sages and Council immediately.”

“But…” Zuko blinks, still looking confused. “I was about to…”

“You can suck me off later,” Azarin finishes for him, as he takes Zuko’s hand into his own and starts pulling him out of the room. “I think I just thought of a solution to all our problems.”

It takes about a half hour for the Fire Sages and Council to gather in the throne room, but Zuko and Azarin (now fully and properly dressed) are already waiting for them. They sit at either end of the table in the center of the room, smiling at each other. Zuko doesn’t know what he has planned, but Azarin knows he’ll like it.

“My Lord, what is this about?” A Sage asks, but Zuko gestures toward Azarin across from him.

“My husband has a proposition for all of you,” Zuko responds, sounding regal. If only these men could have heard him thirty minutes ago, whining to be touched. “I ask that you listen to him and consider what he has to say.”

Having Zuko’s full support even though the other has no idea what he has planned gives Azarin a lot more confidence than he expects. He nods toward his husband, smiling, then looks around at the men beside them both. “For centuries, the Fire Nation has had _one_ leader, and the Fire Lord has the supreme ability to control every aspect of the country. The laws, the education system, the military, foreign trade...everything. If our aim in leading the Fire Nation forward is to prevent the kind of abuse of power that the Fire Lord has been granted in the past, then we have to take that much power _away_ from the Fire Lord.” Azarin leans forward, hands clasped together and still smiling even amongst the soft chatter of the men discussing how preposterous this is sounding. “I suggest that we separate control of the military from under the Fire Lord.”

When he looks up at Zuko, he’s smiling brightly and Azarin’s heart starts to race. Zuko looks proud, he has the same look on his face that he had after Azarin beat his father in an Agni Kai, and Azarin feels a surge of affection and love for his husband swell in his chest. Even though the men around them are shouting and protesting loudly, he and Zuko can’t take their eyes off of each other.

“This is just outrageous! Absolutely unheard of!” A Councilman has stood from his seat, but Zuko waves him down. The man huffs childishly as he sits again. _“Surely_ you can’t be in favor of this, Lord Zuko?”

“I fully agree with Azarin.” Zuko nods in his direction, his voice confident. “And again, just because it’s unheard of doesn’t mean we can’t do it. Change the law. I want it ready by my coronation.”

“But my Lord, he’s taking power away from you!”

Zuko shakes his head at the Sage that had spoken. “No, he’s ensuring that I don’t become my father.” Standing from his seat, Zuko leans over the table with his palms holding himself up. “Change the law. Azarin is now the Fire Nation Military Commander. I want a draft by tomorrow morning.” Zuko turns and starts walking out of the room, and Azarin gets to his feet to follow, lacing his fingers with his husband’s tightly. Just before they reach the door, Zuko stops and turns back to face the men that seem to still be in an uproar. “Oh, and I want the banner of my father taken down. If it isn’t down by tomorrow, I’m burning it.”

Azarin doesn’t think he’s ever been more attracted to Zuko than he is at that very moment.

“People are already gathering, you know,” Katara points out as she pulls back the curtains on the window to peer outside. She turns to face Azarin, who’s almost completely immobile from being wrapped so tightly in robes. She smiles. “Are you ready for this?”

Azarin pulls himself from the tailors’ grips, trying to breathe. “I mean, yeah, but I don’t think I’m even gonna make it if these people keep wrapping me to death.”

The women around him bow deeply, stepping away, and one of them speaks. “Our apologies, Commander.”

The title rings through Azarin’s ears, and he realizes this is the first time anyone has called him that, aside from the day before when Zuko had first suggested it. He smiles. “It’s...okay. I’m just being dramatic. Continue.”

She smiles at him and nods, and the other women continue their adjustments to his robes. Katara has the _worst_ look on her face as she moves from the window to the seat she had been in before. “You seem to already be enjoying that title.”

Azarin rolls his eyes. “I’m seventeen years old, Katara. You bet your ass I enjoy being a ruler of an entire country.”

“You aren’t _yet,”_ Katara counters. He glares at her and she sticks her tongue out at him. “You’ve still got a few hours to go. Enjoy your last moments of freedom.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He questions, raising a brow at her. She shrugs.

“You and Zuko are gonna be extremely busy after this. No more camping, no more long rides on Appa, no more water fights or sparring sessions.” She sounds a little sad, and Azarin’s face falls as he realizes that she’s right. Everything is going to change after today. They’re no longer a bunch of kids travelling the world trying to save it; they _did_ save it, and now they all have to help fix it. Zuko and Azarin, especially, seeing as they now have the resources to give out. Azarin knows all of this, he knows things _have_ to change, he knows Aang and Katara and Sokka and Toph and Suki can’t stay at the palace with him and Zuko forever. He knows he and Zuko have to stay in the Fire Nation, too. At least until a proper plan to rebuild the world is formed.

But Azarin doesn’t _want_ all of this to change...not yet. Even though for him, it’s been almost four years, it seems like everything happened so fast. The last year, the last few months, the last few _weeks_ have gone by so quickly and so much has happened that Azarin hasn’t exactly thought about the fact that once the war ended, he would be losing his friends until they can all find time to visit each other again.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels the hot tears roll down his cheeks and Katara is rushing out of her seat to him and asking if he’s okay and shooing the tailors away from him. Azarin pulls her into the tightest hug he thinks he’s ever given her. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I don’t see you every day,” he says, with his voice almost a whisper. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Katara. I’m gonna miss _everyone.”_

When Azarin pulls back and lets go of her, Katara is smiling with tears of her own in her eyes, and she leans up on her toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek. She wipes away the wetness on his face with her sleeve. “I’m gonna miss you too, Azarin. I’ll visit as much as I can, but I definitely need to get back to the South Pole as soon as possible. My GranGran is getting married, remember?”

Azarin nods, smiling as he leans his head into Katara’s hand on his cheek, placing his own over hers. “Second wedding in a month for you. When did everything get so exciting?”

“We used to nearly die every single day, was that not exciting enough for you?” Katara pulls back to wipe her own tears now, but rolls her eyes at him.

He shrugs. “Eh. Weddings are fun. Nearly dying isn’t.”

“Who’s nearly dying?” Suki’s voice comes from the doorway and both Azarin and Katara look over to see her in full Kyoshi Warrior uniform — something none of them have seen in months. It’s a shock to the system but Azarin smiles at her, and he expects to see Sokka trailing in behind her but he isn’t there. “Well, don’t _you_ look hot, huh?”

“And you don’t? I almost forgot what you looked like in your Kyoshi outfit,” he says. Suki gives both he and Katara a hug.

“Didn’t she almost kill you the last time we saw her in it?” Katara muses, and it’s now that Azarin realizes, yeah, Suki _did_ almost kill him the last time she was in uniform. The memory is distant now but he remembers it fondly.

The red of Suki’s painted lips turns up into a smile as she sits in the chair Katara had been in. “Yeah, I did. Huh. We’ve come a pretty long way, haven’t we, Azarin?” There’s something to Suki’s voice that Azarin can’t place, but he’ll think about what it might be later.

“I mean, I used to make out with Sokka, and now you do. Life's funny that way.” He doesn’t exactly mean for it to sound bitter, but it does. He isn’t bitter at all; he loves Sokka and Suki together. They work well, they fit well, a lot like he and Zuko do. He guesses he’s a little lightheaded from crying after having his robes fitted.

“Do I sense jealousy?” Katara places a hand on Azarin’s chest, tapping her fingers against him, but Azarin just laughs and motions for the tailors to come back.

“Me? Jealous of Suki for being with Sokka?” Azarin tries to sound as dramatic as possible as he watches Katara go to sit on the floor in front of the chair Suki is in. He shakes his head. “Hardly. Have you _seen_ my husband?”

“We’ve _all_ seen your husband, Azarin.” Suki rolls her eyes a little, then sits up more, a smirk gracing her lips as she shrugs. “Wouldn’t mind seeing more of him, if I’m being honest.”

Katara, with a shocked look on her face, elbows Suki in the leg. “You’re dating my brother, don’t talk about Zuko like that.”

“You’re more worried about Sokka than you are the fact that Zuko is, I don’t know, _married to your best friend?”_ Azarin isn’t _actually_ upset, because of course Katara would be more worried about her actual family than Azarin’s marriage. If he’s being honest, he isn’t that concerned about Suki flirting, either. He knows she and Sokka haven’t worked out all the aspects of their relationship quite yet, and even when they do, he has a feeling that being exclusive with only each other isn’t something they’ll end up doing. Sokka likes boys too much, and the same could be said for Suki. Even still, Azarin knows the two of them will last no matter what they end up doing; they compliment each other too well to not work out.

“Are we gonna act like Zuko _isn’t_ hot?” Suki asks, nudging Katara with her foot. “Are we gonna act like Zuko and Azarin aren’t extremely hot _together?”_

“Can we not with this?” Katara rolls her eyes and Azarin has to stifle a laugh because he knows Katara will slice his hair off with ice if he laughs at her prudeness. “Sure, they’re hot, but I don’t want to talk about my best friend and his husband like I want to fuck them.”

Finally, the tailors seem to be finished with his fitting and exit the room. He steps down off the fitting platform and crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m offended that you don’t want to fuck me, Katara.”

“Why do you _want_ me to fuck you, Azarin?” Katara gives him a questioning look as she stands to face him. Azarin just smiles and shakes his head, pulling her into his arms for a moment before someone clears their throat at the doorway.

All three of them turn their heads to look. Azarin’s heart sinks when he sees Mai leaning against the door frame. His arms fall from around Katara and his voice is just the slightest bit weak when he speaks. “Mai...it’s—”

“Don’t even _start_ to say it’s good to see me,” Mai interrupts him and he nods. Her eyes go to look between Katara and Suki. “I’d like to talk to Azarin. Alone.” She says it as a statement, not a question, and even though Katara’s eyes narrow at her, she grabs Suki by the hand and leads her out of the room. Not without a reassuring smile sent toward Azarin, though. He knows she’ll stay nearby with Suki in case the conversation turns sour.

When the door closes, Azarin gestures toward the chair in front of him. “Would you like some tea, Mai? I can send for—”

“I don’t want to have tea with you.” Mai’s voice is even and indifferent as always, but she steps to Azarin and stands confidently in front of him, despite being so much shorter. “I’ve already spoken to Zuko this morning.”

Azarin blinks, confused, but still tries to hold a conversation with the girl Zuko left for him. “I’m glad you got to talk to him...I know he’s been worried about you ever since he sent for you and Ty Lee to be released from prison.”

“Yeah. He said that.” Mai’s eyes narrow even further. She pokes a deadly finger into Azarin’s chest painfully, but he tries not to wince. “Listen. I want you to know that if you fuck up this marriage, if you hurt Zuko, if you take a _single_ step out of line — I will end you.”

While he isn’t surprised at all that this is coming from Mai, Azarin can’t say he isn’t at least a little scared. Mai is extremely dangerous, and probably the only thing she cares about in this world is Zuko, so Azarin has absolutely no doubt that she will stay true to her word. Zuko has told him about how he wishes he could still be friends with Mai, that he truly cares about her, and Azarin really wishes that they could be like him and Katara. Zuko needs a close friend, someone that knows him well, and Mai could definitely be that person. Sure, it bothers Azarin just the _tiniest_ bit that Zuko’s close friend is also someone he dated and had sex with, but he himself is kinda in the same situation with Sokka...minus the sex.

“I guess I deserve that,” Azarin finally responds, his eyes moving from Mai’s finger to her face. “But I promise you that the _last_ thing I will ever do is hurt Zuko. I love him more than anything. I married him because I love him.”

Mai inspects him for a moment, then removes her finger from his chest only to cross her arms. “Good. Then we have nothing else to talk about.” She turns to walk out of the room, but Azarin grabs her by the arm to stop her.

“Hey, wait,” he says, then lets go of her. “I hope you still want to be his friend. He feels horrible for hurting you so much. He really, _really_ wants to be your friend.”

Stepping back a little, Mai lets out a disinterested sigh and rolls her eyes. “Of course I’m his friend, Azarin. Why do you think I’m here threatening you, stupid?” She walks toward the door again and Azarin smiles, until she turns back around to face him just as she gets to the door. “Oh...congratulations. Or whatever. For getting married and ruling the Fire Nation with Zuko. I guess.”

In the next second, Mai is gone, and Azarin is left in the room alone, smiling to himself.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Azarin doesn’t know what brings him to his old room in the palace. Maybe it’s curiosity, and that’s what he’ll blame it on if anyone catches him in it, but at the moment he’s leaning against his dusty childhood bed, looking around the room in wonder. He remembers waking up in this bed the day after his father had burned him, Zuko under the sheets next to him with an arm slung around him. Azarin had committed the sight and feeling to memory, vowing to never forget it because it might have been the only time he would ever wake up with Zuko in his bed, Zuko in his arms, Zuko surrounding him. He smiles at how utterly wrong his thirteen year old self had been.

He runs his fingers down the bedpost and across the dusty blanket to the bedside table, pulling open the drawer to find it filled with the horrible drawings he and Zuko used to always do together. Azarin always saved every last one of them even though they were a waste of parchment and ink, but he cherished the time he spent with Zuko making them. He can’t believe he didn’t bring them with him when he left the Fire Nation, but there wasn’t any time to gather sentimental things before leaving. He had only taken the one portrait of himself, Zuko, and Azula, and now he doesn’t even have _that_ anymore because he got pissed off and burned it.

He dusts off the bed a little before sitting down, but a rough crinkling sound comes from underneath him and he stands again immediately, looking behind him to find nothing. Azarin pulls back the sheets and blankets and still finds nothing, but before he puts them back something catches his eye; it’s part of a piece of parchment sticking out from under the mattress. He delicately pulls it out from underneath the bed and straightens it out to read it as he sits down again.

  
  


_My beautiful, brave, bright Azarin…_

_I couldn’t be filled with more regret as I write this. While you are reading this, I am gone, and I wish so desperately that I could tell you everything I am about to tell you as I hold you and let you know that everything will be okay. But, sadly, I cannot, and I am not entirely sure that everything_ **_will_ ** _be okay._

_There are so many things that you do not know about your own past, about mine, about your mother’s. I didn’t like keeping it from you, but I thought I was doing so to protect you. I realize now, that it was only to selfishly protect myself, and I am so, so, so sorry for that, Azarin. You deserve to know the truth._

_You did not come to live in the palace by chance. I knew your mother. I knew her well, for years, and I wish I could have continued to know her. I know that she hated the mountains and loved the sea, I know that she made incredible jewelry, I know that she loved you with everything in her and risked her life to keep you. She was and will always remain the love of my life. We were so in love but we made so many mistakes, and I am telling you this because I don’t want you to make the same ones with my son._

_I know you love him, Azarin. It would be clear to anyone that you care about Zuko more than any friend ever would. Your capacity for love even at such a young age is admirable and makes you so much like your mother that sometimes I could hardly stand to look at you, if I’m honest with myself. You are so much like her in the best of ways, but I need you to be unlike her when it comes to Zuko. I need you to love him without limits, I need you to be there for him through the worst of times, I need you to lift him up when he falls. I know this is a lot to ask, but I believe that for you, doing all of this for Zuko comes easy...naturally, even._

_I also know that with time, Zuko will love you. He already loves you as his friend and companion, but he is capable of so much more than that. He doesn’t yet know how much he needs you, but he will. If that takes longer than you hope then I’m sorry. He is his mother’s son; we can both be a bit dense at times._

_Even though I know you were meant to love my son, to show him what love really means and to make him feel like he can do anything he puts his mind to, I need you to know that you are your own person, Azarin, and that person is incredible. You are brave, and smart, and so, so talented. You will do so much in this world and I know you will do it with kindness and patience. Your father’s rage may form in you but I know you will overcome it. It is important that you remember you are not your father, Azarin. You never will be. You are already so different from him, so much_ **_better_ ** _than him. Whatever Zhao might do in the future, I want you to remember that you do not have to follow in his footsteps, nor do you have to do what he says. You are your own person._

_I apologize for the length of this letter, and I hope that one day I can come back and read this together with you and laugh at how melodramatic it is. I hope that one day, I will get to see you and Zuko again, and perhaps by that time the two of you will have found your way to each other. I hope that life is not cruel to you, but even if it is, I know you will persevere. You are an amazing boy, Azarin. I love you just as much as I loved your mother. We will meet again._

_-Ursa_

  
  


Azarin’s hands are shaking as he finishes reading it, and he sets the letter aside so his tears don’t drip on it and make the ink run. His chest feels impossibly tight and his breathing gets heavier with each passing second as he realizes that Ursa didn’t keep anything from him except the fact that he is — _was_ — a spellbender, but that’s just about the only thing he completely understands keeping a secret. Ursa had written him this letter and left it for him but he never found it, he never got to read it, and it took him three more years to figure out that she and his mother had been together. It took him even longer to find his way to Zuko, to find his way to himself. He can’t help thinking about how things would have been if he had read this letter four years ago.

“Azarin, there you are! It’s almost time to—” Sokka’s voice comes from the doorway and Azarin looks up, tears staining his face and his eyes red and puffy. Sokka reaches behind him and pulls Zuko into view. “Do you wanna handle this? I’ll come back to get you when it’s time…I gotta get Aang, anyway.”

Zuko nods and then Sokka is gone. Zuko’s hair is pulled back and Azarin would make a comment about it if his heart didn’t currently feel like it’s being ripped from his chest. “What’s wrong, Rin? Are you nervous?” Zuko’s voice is silk, and it wraps around Azarin like a soft blanket, calming his nerves only a little, but enough to matter.

“I found this,” Azarin pulls the letter from beside him and hands it to Zuko. He sees the realization hit Zuko the moment he sees the handwriting. “She must have left it for me the night she left. I...I never found it.”

As Zuko reads, he sits next to Azarin, and soon there are tears spilling from his eyes, too. When he’s done, he looks up at Azarin with so much sadness and grief in his eyes that Azarin has to look away. “She told you the truth...this whole time you could have known…”

Shaking his head, Azarin takes the letter back and puts it on the bedside table, then takes Zuko’s hands into his own. “It’s not just that, Zuko. All this time, I could have had the confidence to confess how I felt to you. This would have given it to me, this would have assured me that you wouldn’t reject me, this would have made me realize that we belong together a _lot_ sooner…”

“But…” Zuko starts, and he takes a few more moments to finish his thought. “The North Pole still would have happened. Ba Sing Se still would have happened. Being _together_ and then going through all of that, breaking up because of it...that would have hurt so much more. For both of us.”

“You would have been with me back then?” Azarin knows that this shouldn’t be what sticks with him, but it does. Zuko was so much different than he is now, and it’s taken so much for him to get to the place he is now. Does he really think they would have been together all those years ago?

“I...I don’t know. I’d like to think I would, and especially with uncle around...he would have encouraged us.” Zuko looks from where their hands are laced together to Azarin’s eyes. “But we don’t know what would have happened if you had read this letter back then. All we know is that we’re together _now,_ and it won’t help anyone if we worry about the past and what _could have_ happened. We’ve been through a lot together, and I think going through so much to get to where we are has helped us get closer so much faster than if we had tried to be together back then.”

Nodding, Azarin pulls Zuko forward into his chest and wraps his arms around him. He isn’t crying anymore, because he’s just _so_ happy to have Zuko now that all the things that happened in the past have been washed away. Azarin wants to worry about what could have happened, because having this letter could have changed a lot for both of them, but it doesn’t matter. Zuko is right. They're here, now, and they’re together. Zuko is about to be crowned Fire Lord, and Azarin is about to become something entirely new to the Fire Nation. The past is the past. They can’t change it, but they’re about to walk out there and change the future. All for the better.

“I miss her,” Azarin says finally. “She would be so proud of us, Zuko. I wish she were here.”

Zuko smiles, and nods, and presses a soft kiss to Azarin’s lips. “I miss her, too. We’ll find her, Rin, don’t worry.”

“Hey, guys, it’s time!” Aang flies into the room and drops delicately to his feet in front of them, smiling brightly. “Are you okay now, Azarin? Sokka told me you were crying...”

Azarin stands, pulling Zuko with him and holding his hand tightly. “I’m okay, Aang.” He looks back to the letter on the bed, deciding to leave it there and come back for it later. They have the future to think about right now, and holding on to the past isn’t going to help anyone. His eyes go back to Aang and he smiles, looking the Avatar over. “You look nice. Like a proper monk.”

“You don’t even know what a monk is supposed to look like!” Despite his words, Aang’s cheeks are turning pink as they walk out of the room and down the halls. They have to walk halfway across the palace and guards have already surrounded them, but Azarin tries to pay them no mind.

“You’ve forgotten that Azarin is a bookworm,” Zuko comments, nudging Aang with his elbow. “I think he read just about every single book in the palace library. And when we were travelling, he would buy books to read because he didn’t have any he hadn’t read yet. He _definitely_ probably knows what a monk is supposed to look like.”

Aang perks up a little and moves in front of them, walking backwards. “You have books with monks in them here?! Can I borrow them?”

“Of course, Aang,” Azarin says as he laughs a little. “You can come raid the library any time you want.”

“Hey, dunderheads! I’m supposed to give you these,” Toph runs down the stairs leading to the room they’re heading to and holds out two necklaces with giant golden Fire Nation pendants on them. Iroh is right behind her, and he places a hand on her shoulder, smiling at the three of them.

“I think I am going to commission Toph to make my tea shop all new drinkware. We work well together!”

Azarin bows to both of them and so does Zuko. They take the necklaces and put them on each other; they’re extremely heavy, and Azarin is glad that they’re clearly only ceremonial, because trying to wear something like this all the time would probably make him develop back problems by the time he turns twenty. He appreciates the sentiment, though, especially because the pendants aren’t some extremely old passed down heirloom that all the Fire Lords have worn when they were also crowned. Azarin wouldn’t want to have something that Ozai or Azulon or Sozin had worn, and he knows Zuko wouldn’t want that, either. The fact that Toph had made them with Iroh’s help makes them even more special, too. Azarin thinks he wants to hang them above he and Zuko’s bed, but he’ll figure that out later. There are more important things to attend to.

“Thank you, Toph, and thank you uncle,” Zuko says, softly, and Azarin can tell he’s trying to fight back tears because he squeezes Azarin’s hand tightly. “You two should go before you miss any of the ceremony.”

Iroh steps down and pulls both boys into his arms, holding them close. When he pulls back to look at them, there are tears in his eyes. “I am so proud of both of you.” He turns and pulls Aang into a brief hug, and it’s a little amusing because Aang is so small and Iroh is so...large. “I am proud of you, too, young Avatar.”

When Iroh lets go, Aang bows deeply and respectfully to him. “Thank you, General Iroh.”

When Toph walks past them with Iroh, she punches all three of them in the arm, then follows with a quiet “I’m proud of you too, meatheads.” They all smile at each other, then make their way up the steps.

“I can’t believe a year ago my purpose in life was hunting you down, Aang. And now…” Zuko trails off as they reach the top of the stairs, but Aang smiles and turns to face Zuko.

“And now we’re friends,” he says, smiling wide. Zuko places a hand on the Avatar’s shoulder and nods.

“Yeah...we _are_ friends.” He pulls Aang into a hug, and when they separate, both of them look at Azarin. His smile grows a little and he shrugs.

“I can’t believe a year ago I wasn’t able to do this,” Azarin pulls Zuko to him and presses their lips together in a deep but brief kiss. Zuko’s face flushes red when he pulls back, but Azarin just kisses his forehead and smiles. “And now we’re married.”

Zuko nods, but Aang is the one that speaks next. “I can’t believe a year ago I was still frozen in a block of ice. The world is so different now…” Aang looks away for a moment until Zuko pats him on the head.

“And it’s gonna be even more different when we rebuild it together.”

It’s at that moment that a Fire Sage comes through the curtain leading outside, motioning them forward. Azarin takes Zuko’s hand and they walk out together to a cheering crowd down below. Fire Nation citizens are next to Earth Kingdom citizens and people from the Water Tribes are on the other side of the Fire Nation people. Azarin’s heart sinks for a moment, because there are no Air Nomads to complete the Four Nations, but he has no doubt that Aang will work hard to rebuild his culture and people.

The crowd continues to cheer, but Zuko holds his hands up to quiet them. “Please...the real hero here is the Avatar!” Zuko steps aside and so does Azarin, letting Aang step forward to wave at the crowd as they cheer for him, too. When the noise dies down again, Zuko takes in a breath and addresses the people in front of them. “Today, this war is finally over!” More cheering, and Azarin’s heart is thumping in his chest from how incredibly proud he is of Zuko. He moves to stand beside his husband, taking his hand. “I promised my uncle that I would restore the honor of the Fire Nation, and I will. The road ahead of us is challenging. A hundred years of fighting has left the world scarred, and divided.”

Aang, on the other side of Zuko, looks between both of them while Zuko continues his speech. “But with the Avatar’s help, we can get it back on the right path, and begin a new era of love and peace.”

Zuko and Azarin then kneel beside each other, stealing glances at each other every few moments as the Sages place the Fire Lord crown in Zuko’s hair, and crown Azarin with the real Prince’s Crown. Azarin’s heart is racing as they stand again and the crowd cheers even louder than when they had first walked out, and he spots Katara, Sokka, and Hakoda amongst the faces cheering. He smiles brightly at them while the Sage speaks from behind them.

“All hail Fire Lord Zuko, and Fire Commander Azarin!”

This time, the crowd roars, and Azarin thinks he may pass out. Another Sage steps forward and hands Zuko a scroll, to which the new Fire Lord holds out toward the people in front of him. “This is the law my great-grandfather Sozin wrote, declaring same gender relationships illegal. My first act as Fire Lord is to abolish this law, in the name of my mother and her lover, Manami. This law caused them more strife than I can even begin to imagine, but it will no longer bring anyone pain ever again.”

At that, Zuko lights the scroll on fire, letting it burn until there’s nothing in his hand but ash. Azarin has to work extremely hard to keep the tears in his eyes from falling, because he’s just _so_ proud of Zuko and proud of how far they’ve both come in just the last year alone. The ashes of the scroll drift away with the wind, and with it, a hundred years of oppression. Zuko undid something so large in so little time, but Azarin wouldn’t have it any other way.

Even though Azarin knows it’s supposed to be his responsibility to explain his role, he’s too caught up in his own emotions to remember until Zuko squeezes his hand, sending him a reassuring smile. Azarin steps forward and lets out a breath. “Over the last week, Zuko and I have been working with the Sages and the Council to come up with a better way to lead the Fire Nation into a new era. Giving one person so much power seemed to be where the Fire Nation has gone wrong in the past, so we decided to divide that power into two roles. From now on, the Fire Lord will no longer have control over the Fire Nation Military; that responsibility now falls onto the Fire Commander, who is chosen and appointed by only their predecessor.”

“This way, even if a future Fire Lord wants to start another war, they wouldn’t have the means to do so,” Zuko continues where Azarin had left off. Their fingers lace together again. “We hope that this division of power shows how dedicated my husband and I are to changing the Fire Nation for the better, and spreading peace back into the world.”

The cheering is so loud this time that Azarin thinks his ears are going to burst. On the other side of Zuko, Aang takes the Fire Lord’s hand and they all raise their arms in the air, smiling out at the people before them. These people have been plagued with war for their entire lives, they have struggled and fought, and now, finally, there will be peace. Azarin helped usher in that peace, he helped put an end to a war started over conceit. He and his friends fought for so long to just _try_ to put an end to the strife and they succeeded. He and Zuko struggled for so long to end up together, married, and ruling the Fire Nation.

Azarin can’t wait to see what’s in store for them next, because he knows that no matter what, they will all make it through _together._ They’ve already survived and won a century-old war, so anything else that life throws at them will seem like nothing, right?

Azarin smiles, laughing, pulling Zuko into the most joyous kiss just because he _can._ Zuko shakes his head but he’s smiling, too, trying to pull Azarin back down to him once they separate. “You’re as tall as a tree, you know.” His voice is low because it’s only meant for Azarin to hear, for Azarin to cherish. And Azarin does. He cherishes it, he cherishes Zuko, he cherishes this very moment because he knows there will never be another like it for the rest of their lives together. And the rest of their lives _will_ be spent _together._

Pressing their lips together again, Azarin speaks against them.

“Arrogant Fire Lord.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously. honestly. from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU. to everyone who has read this, whether you came in the middle of it or have been here since the beginning, whether you comment, leave kudos, subscribe, or just lurk to read...thank you SO MUCH for your support. i never thought i could ever write something like this from start to finish, i never thought i could ever make a character as versatile and complex as azarin, but i did, and i couldn't have done any of it without the support of the people who read this fic. so thank you.
> 
> there's more to come, don't worry. zuko and azarin have a lot more evolving to do, in ways you guys couldn't imagine. 
> 
> thank you. i love you all. <3


	61. the next chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <3

hi babies! i don't know if any of you have noticed, but i added this finished work to the zurin series i created, in which I'm going to have the continuation of zuko and azarin's story after the war, as well as bonus content from the original storyline and any AUs i get the itch to write. WHICH REMINDS ME!!!!! if any of you guys want to write an au or something including azarin, i wouldn't mind at all, just credit this work for the character and link me to it if you can!!1 i'd love to see what you guys come up with for these two. i can't do ALL the work you know.

message me on twitter (@breathofthewxld) or instagram (gemini.mars) if you wanna talk about zurin or anything!! I'm always up to scream about my boys.

anyway, [here's the link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410044/chapters/66995254) to the post-war zurin fic, and I'll be posting the bonus content fic soon as well! enjoy lovelies <3


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